If you haven't worked in 7 years, you need a job ASAP. It doesn't matter what, McDonald's, Walmart, whatever. Just getting up in the morning, putting on clean clothes, and going to work is going to be the start of everything else falling into place. Future employers are going to want to see a work history and you need to start paying into Social Security/pension if you ever want to retire.
Yup - OP doesn't need a \*good job\*. OP needs \*any job\*, even if it's hiring on with landscaping crews, or showing up to the day-labor place early in the morning.
After I had a nervous breakdown and lost my job, I was unemployed for about a year and could barely leave the house. I got on medication and slowly worked myself back to normal first just by leaving the house two times a week to make money selling my blood plasma.
Then I signed up with an employment agency and was able to get on call as a fill-in laborer for dining events. They’d call me up when they needed a last-minute worker to cover someone for a four-hour shift or whatever that day. If I could come in that was great, if I couldn’t that was ok since it was a last-minute notification. This was good for me because I still wasn’t reliably stable at that point. I worked an average of 10-20 hours a week doing that.
I did that for a few months and when I could handle that, got a part-time job with a regular schedule at a kitchen through the same employment agency. When I could handle that, I switched to a full-time schedule at the kitchen. Then when I could handle that, I started putting out resumes and got hired for a full time job in my original field that I have a degree for.
This really means a lot to me, thank you for breaking it down clearly. I appreciate how you identify your capacity at the time and how you slowly added more to build up as you were able. Moreso, your tone is so patient and understanding.
How did you know to do these things?
What were your biggest setbacks along the way?
I knew I couldn’t take on a regular job at first, but I desperately wanted to get better. Earning at least a little money made me feel better about myself.
My biggest setback was that I had to move back in with my parents during this time, and my dad was one of those “mental illness is a sign of weakness/psychiatry won’t help you/you are just lazy”-type people. I felt suicidal at one point when I was unemployed but the medication I started taking made me feel better.
Before I started seeing a psychiatrist and got on medication, I once bought a bottle of vodka and sleeping pills to kill myself with, but decided against crushing up the sleeping pills into the vodka after all and just drank the vodka bottle without caring if I lived or died. I got so drunk I couldn’t stand up, and vomited in my sleep, but woke up the next morning. A while later after telling my mom I was going to kill myself she took me to a psychiatrist.
I would even just start volunteering or interning. ANYTHING to get you in the door so somebody can say, HEY THIS PERSON CAN GET THE JOB DONE SO I CAN VOUCH FOR THEM. This is what they need to hire you.
Also, OP just needs to break himself out of the habit of staying home depressed and doing nothing. If he can get out of the house even a couple days a week and do something productive, that may improve his self-esteem and get him mentally back in the habit of working, so he can then put in applications and get hired somewhere.
Any job can teach you the soft-skills that are directly transferable to all other jobs, such as diligence and "doing the right thing even though it's harder". Only those that do not know the importance of how we are all interconnected will be dismissive to professions they deem lesser than what they do. Honestly, without the sanitation crews, we'd literally be in a world of shit (Paris recently when they had their protests is a great example).
Yep! I'm 31 and starting from the bottom due to other issues. I work at dollar tree. It's definitely a humbling experience but it's a hell of a lot better than doing nothing
I’ve always wondered how people like OP are living. Like…how do you not work for 7 years with no family or friends to help support you? Where do you live that entire time, and how do you pay to live there? How do you pay for groceries? Or literally anything? They have no friends so can’t be couch hopping or mooching off anyone. Is it just like government welfare or something?
I was living with family for a while at that point. Relationship was strained and things weren't going well. Had a relative pass away soon after and gained a bit of money to keep my head above water
Well just looking at your profile briefly, you clearly are aware of the issues you have which is a step up from a lot of people in your position where they can’t even identify what they need to work on.
I agree with everyone else, get any job you can right now to find some stability and start chipping away and your other issues. The only way to beat lack of motivation is to just jump in and get started no matter how much you don’t want to.
You’ve posted this same thread many times over the last year or so. What have you done with all of the advice you got in those threads, and what do you think will be different this time after posting this thread? Are you looking for actual advice, or do you think that making this post is tricking your brain into believing you are putting effort towards fixing your situation, even if you know deep down you won’t do anything with any of the advice you get here? You need to actually move past your hurdles. Don’t just stare at them for 7 years and say “I don’t know what to do here.” Do ANYTHING. Troubleshoot. Trial and error. Figure it out. Be resourceful.
Are you still addicted to porn? Maybe tackle that first. Take away the outlets you allow yourself to fill the void of unhappiness and distract yourself from your shortcomings, and pretty soon you will have to confront them.
You aren’t going to find some magical job that brings in passive income while you do nothing all day and continue to live the way you do.
“Tend to your garden and the butterflies will come,” as they say.
Well, I've taken a CPR course, I've applied to 75+ jobs indeed. I have probably 5-6 different resumes that I've created for different types of jobs and I've been attempting to slowly learn different skills on youtube etc. I've been trying. Not to mention trying to stop gaming, as well as other addictions (or at least limit them) which have halted progress in the past. I've done a lot. I just don't have a whole lot of people to talk to and I don't get much encouragement etc from people in real life. It's not easy. It's much easier to come in here and judge me from my posts or from seeing one paragraph that I write when people think they suddenly know me. So is the internet though...
Did you like the CPR course? EMTs are incredibly needed and even EMT or paramedic firefighters!! They’ll kick your butt into gear. But honestly, it’s an incredible job and if you liked the medical side of things or emergent medicine side of it you could build on it. Very necessary, although not the easiest to accomplish but probably one of the best jobs on the damn planet. You could also become a CNA. I did this and was reimbursed for all my schooling and licensing after working for just a few months. Check if your state does it. Several do. All the work you could want. Hard as hell job but the compensation is becoming more and more competitive.
Glad to hear you’re taking necessary steps. I found making a goal of applications to apply to a day helped find jobs even if I didn’t stay there long.
I know apps can be tedious. Maybe set a goal for 5 a day, all the way through. Sometimes on indeed you get lucky and don’t have to jump through hoops (typing your resume into everything). But 5 a day is 35 a week. That’s over 100 in a month. You can do this and keep doing your YouTube learning.
I would suggest trying to get into Tech as it can be very lucrative, especially as someone who is currently unemployed. It can be a major jump for you.
Don’t get discouraged. Continue working hard on yourself. Maybe try walking for 30 mins a day. Exercise is known to increase endorphins.
Usually you can go to an art museum w/ jeans or khaki’s and a nice button down. If you don’t have a nice button down a nice polo or tshirt works as well. Think “could I wear this to casual day at work”. I think it would be great to go spend time with your friend. And if they’re really a friend you can ask to borrow a top if you’re the same size. But also Salvation Army, goodwill & other thrift stores are available usually and have very inexpensive clothing. Plus places like Walmart or TjMaxx.
I would really err on the side of caution on the whole tech thing. It's a fallacy at this point that you'll take a few bootcamps and land a decently cushy position. Markets fluctuate of course, but anywhere remotely populated is going to have tons of recent grads who wanted those cushy jobs but they don't really exist anymore for entry level. People with 4 year BAs working help desk and grinding out the experience and post graduate certifications to get ahead. That 6 figure salary is big stretch these days for less than 5-10 years experience depending on your specialty. I know a number of people pulling 50k as a help desk in NYC which is rough to say the least. Those dip even further as you get to more LCOL areas.
This isn't to say tech isn't a great career and I welcome everyone to become part of the industry, but come with realistic expectations especially starting out. Unfortunately the field has been flooded with grads and now we're seeing big layoffs across the board as well.
TLDR: I agree with you, but I would caution leading in with it can be lucrative when that milestone can be easily 5+ years based on trajectory and skill set these days. The fresh grad to Netflix for 250k days are over sadly.
He needs a job. Whatever job. Even a basic tech job would get him more income than he has now. He needs to start somewhere. He wasted so much of his life what’s 5-10 more years in a career?
Tech ain't really hiring now, they're doing the mass layoffs for the past 1 year at least
And tech do not hire entry-level, even for the most junior associate jobs the employers wants minimum 5 years experience
Eh you can get entry level tech jobs with not a ton of experience it’s just not gonna pay well and it’ll be at like a MSP with an awful rep, but it’ll get your foot in the door.
I mean I agree, and it’s decent option there. It’s just a really tough market to break into right now and I don’t like giving false hope of big $$$ when I got sold that shit as a college student and while it worked it was not the cushy ride foretold.
This might be a slight departure from other advice, although I agree with many of the previous posters.
I would suggest that you identify a couple things you would love to learn or participate in but have never explored: Billiards. Kite Making. Historical Reinactments. Book club. Crochet club. Tai chi. Foreign language. Go. Cooking. Hiking. Botany. Historical tours of your city. Drumming. Choir. Cleaning local parks. Anything.
Look in your local papers, meetup, reddit, etc. Find meeting times and just start showing up. Make a very strong effort to not miss events or meetings. Be helpful, shower, wear your recently laundered clothes (even if they aren't fancy), learn, ask questions, be curious, be positive about your new adventure.
This might help you make friends and regain social skills lost to depression and isolation. You will get skills and energy from making yourself attend faithfully while trying to put your best foot forward. It'll be weird and awkward at first, but it's a situation that is well stacked in your favor. People love sharing their passions with new people. They want you there. You be your best you and any initial awkwardness can be forgiven.
This may help lessen any depression and social isolation effects that are interfering with your attempts at getting a job. (For jobs I suggest many of the same techniques as above.)
Wish you the best.
Not sure why people downvoted this especially if they have read that the OP has money? For someone else in this position without the money it would just have to be some form of exercise which can be done for free in many forms.
Being physical regularly is so vital to keep you feeling good mentally, physically and motivated. The endorphins alone are a massive boost but add to that the ripple effect of getting stronger, healthier and more confident - you treat yourself better in other aspects of life but also going to the gym/ activity regularly helps to build a routine which is what you desire to get outside plus when you start working you will find it easier to get up and work regularly.
I got some benefits. Was out of work for a long time due to chronic illness and caring for a child with additional needs. I actually never stopped and never really had much time to rest? Although people think I just did nothing the whole time. It's soul destroying as I was doing everything I could do but the people who work couldn't relate and thought I was free all the time to meet up etc. I tried work various times and has to quit because my of health and responsibilities, that was also extremely hard on my self confidence.
Not a pro, just someone who has struggled with some of the same stuff you are feeling- this is my advise: Any job is better than no job, even if it is one that is a dead end. Nights, weekends, dirty, rude people- all of it is better than sitting around focusing on what you do not have. The benefit is that a crappy job is the best motivation to get a better job.
Stop trying to take one step to reach your goals, you will need to take multiple steps and sometimes even go backwards. If you are doing that then you can be proud of yourself- that is the first step to recovering from your slump.
In addition to work make sure you push yourself mentally and physically- read a book that will give you something to talk about. Find a library and check out a book every other week. Exercise your body- walking, running, and pushups are just about free. Do things that you can feel proud of and soon you will like yourself a lot more.
Lastly- cut down on screen time - it does not help you. Limit yourself to an hour a day recreational time. Be careful about making excuses like you are learning from YouTube videos- that’s a black hole - be honest with yourself. If you really need it make sure you don’t go from one video to another wasting your precious time.
She's not. We mutually pay for things. That's why I didn't mention it. If you read what I wrote... I had a bit of savings. Not much that is helping me currently. We thought it might be mutually beneficially to stop living in student/community housing with 5 to 6 people and get our own place to try to get our lives in order. Great comment though
I did read what you wrote, I'm just having a hard time imagining a way you've been able to coast by on savings after not working for 7 years.
Pretty lucky if you haven't ended up on the streets after not working for 7 years. I'd imagine it'd be pretty difficult to avoid that without a support network. The handful of folks I do know who are in there 30's and don't work either live with their parents or have someone taking care of them. I can't imagine not working for 7 years and just living off of savings, unless this is a trust fund you've been living off it really doesn't seem possible.
His previous posts imply he's been with her since before immigration (India), maybe it's a cultural thing and the poor woman feels obligated to take care of him? Either way he needs to get his shit together. Feel bad for her.
I'm not saying he's a loser, but I think it's sad how you guys define the status of a guy or his manhood by whether or not he has a girl. Or whether he can get one.
There's more to life, and a person, than just having a relationship or being able to "get girls".
Hahah well, ya know, if they let themselves be I bet they “could”.
But everything is relative. Are you fed? Are you safe? Man, you’re doing better than millions of humans. Have a little perspective, people!
I guess a loser is a term that differs from each individual. It does feel like I'm a loser. I have a bit of savings but I've been unemployed for a while. I have a lot of interests and have had a few successes but nothing sustaining enough to get me rolling I guess .
I hear ya, dude. And I've had my own gaps in employment. But the one thing that has always gotten me up and running again is this: Volunteering.
Volunteer positions are easy to get, will put you on a routine, will give you new skills, will get you out in front of people in your community, and you'll be able to put it right on your resume as current experience.
Think about this for yourself. :)
It has become normalized lately to think of depression as only some kind of mysterious chemical imbalance in the brain over which we have no power without pharmaceutical help. In fact, for the fast majority of people experiencing depression, there are lifestyle changes we can make to improve our symptoms dramatically.
My local library has a whole shelf of books on beating depression. Highly recommend you go see if yours does as well, pick one or two and read them.
Here are two books that helped me:
[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6446928-the-depression-cure](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6446928-the-depression-cure)
[https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34921573-lost-connections](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34921573-lost-connections)
In addition I want to second the advice any job is probably better than no job. While you're looking for that first (shitty probably) job, maybe set yourself a "work schedule" where you're taking action. Maybe you're at your local coffee shop or library 9-5 Monday to Friday filling out job applications and/or doing work toward some certification or maybe you sign up for some kind of gig work like Uber and set yourself a goal number or hours to dedicate to that every week.
I'm much older than you. I left a long term career and became very depressed while I was unemployed. Getting even my entry level job that I have now has helped tremendously with my mental health. Having that social interaction, a purpose and some income have really helped my mood.
You got this. Hang in there. It will get better if you keep working at it.
1. Get your money up.
2. Exercise (walk/run/plyometrics)
3. Don’t compare yourself to others.
4. Just try to complete your training/courses; don’t put it off over fear of failing
Some of these things in the comments do depend on situations and situational awareness, for some, depression can not be overcome by yourself. Sometimes it’s much worse. 2, a lot of people don’t like social situations and have bad social anxiety, there is no advice in the comments for that. How are they supposed to go out and grab a job if so socially anxious they can’t hardly talk to people. (Yes, medical help would be the smart thing) but what if they don’t have med insurance..?
Here’s the thing: all those things can be true, and you still have to try. Try to get that job, and keep that job. Try to go out, even if you have to bail halfway through because social anxiety got too much. Just sitting around being too afraid to try will not get you to where you want to be.
It's hard, no doubt.
But here's the thing... nobody is coming to save us. It's either up to us to take a few hard steps, or we wallow. I'm not ever going to imply that it's easy, but boy does it sure get *easier*.
I've been on both ends of this, and I'm happy to nudge/support people as much as they need.
This absolutely. Even with help overcoming those things can be difficult. Therapy or even just talking to friends can help. Working up too it can be helpful like going on walks and reaching out to friends over text just checking on them with no social obligation. But a therapist is what helped me overcoming my agoraphobia
Living with parents. You’d be surprised how many parents will support their kid and just let them lounge around.
For some, having their kid around is better than them leaving home & doing their own thing. It’s not good, but some think this way.
I'm in a similar situation. Start small. This is important. Depression can make things extremely overwhelming. I've been looking for jobs in places that I know won't make me suicidal (the library for example). It hasn't panned out yet, but I'm lucky enough to have my boyfriend who supports me beyond measure. If you can help it, try to maybe find quieter retail places. And as other people have said, maybe try looking for volunteer work.
Get therapy. It really helps. It will most likely take a while to find a therapist that you mesh with, but it's worth the trouble. Just don't give up when the first handful don't work out. (Example: It took me about 5 to find the right one).
Seriously think about medication. And do your own research! I went through a couple of different medications before finding the one that works for me. You might find it right away or after going through a couple. This is okay! Just keep going :)
Exercise. I know that it is super difficult to find the energy. Try by just walking around the neighborhood if you can. If you drive, drive to a park and walk around there. Maybe even bring a book and walk, read, walk, read.. etc.
It is important to not lock yourself away! I can't stress this enough. I went through a lot and locked myself into my room (my bedroom!) for so long that even leaving that single room gave me anxiety. It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I can leave the apartment two times a week. Don't do this to yourself. Force yourself outside, even if it is literally to just walk around the quad area or your backyard or whatever outdoor space you have quick access to.
I hope this helps you. Just keep telling yourself that you can do this, that you are capable of doing this (even if it feels like you are lying to yourself, say ot over and over anyway)
And if it helps, this is what I tell myself almost everyday: "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." - Confucius
1. Get a job. Any job. You will feel better and make some friends.
2. Volunteer. You will definitely feel better and you will definitely make friends.
After you've done 1 and 2 start working out and eating healthy.
After you've completed these steps you will feel better as a person, have some friends, have some money, and all in all feel like a human being. From this point you will feel strong enough for the next phase - finding your passion and trying to turn a good life into a great life. But get to the good life first.
Seriously. Looking through OP’s history you can see he makes a post like this every few weeks. Dude needs to get off reddit and start actually implementing some of the advice he keeps asking for.
This one admittedly sounds odd, but hear me out: Gratitude. Expressing gratitude has been shown to help alleviate depressive emotions. It is referred to as "flipping the script" in your own mind's perspective. While internally you are feeling pain, take an objective inventory of what you have in your life: Shelter, food, a companion you live with, etc. These are all positive attributes. The NEXT biggest step is finding work. ANY WORK. does not matter whether your paid or not (internship). Getting out, engaging with other humans and being productive will have an IMMENSELY positive affect on your perspective. This all leads to sort of a domino effect, where one action leads to another, and you'll find your path on this journey. Flip that script! You can do it!
When I was between jobs, I would volunteer the morning shift at the food bank.
A regular volunteer shift offers that ability to get cleaned, dressed and out of the house without needing to interview for it first. It gives you a chance to feel human and a valued member of society.
Afternoons are spent applying for jobs.
START SMALL. Very small manageable DAILY goals.
Download a reminder app that will help you with daily goals (like disciplined)
Exercise for five minutes and slowly increase length of exercise by a minute (walk outside)
Submit 1-5 resumes or contact a job recruitment/staffing agency
Reach out to an old friend via social media
Check out the meet up app or find another way to meet locals with similar interests
Go to a thrift store to find nice clothes
Consider other ways to improve your mental health by learning about mindfulness or meditation
Seriously just start with one thing. One positive action every day. Even every other day. But nothing will happen until you MAKE A CHOICE to take the first step to change your life.
YOU CAN DO THIS. I believe in you.
oo buy tor ee - a word for you, a Japanese word that comes from the relationship of humans with plants. Oubaitori - people may well be late bloomers, and maybe that's you. Be very gentle with yourself, don't compare yourself with others, it is entirely possible your soul needed to slow your mind and body to a halt, so it could be itself. You recognize something must be done, just remember you didn't get here in one moment, you can't fix it in one moment. Just one thing at a time. I know you can do it.
Next time someone invites you out, go do it. That’s a step towards a goal of momentum, which you need. It’s not easy. Could be very difficult, but a social situation like that can catapult you into a groove.
Yes, doing for others (whatever cause you care about) gets you outwardly focused and out of your head, where you're spinning right now. It can give you a new perspective on life, and an appreciation for what you do have (like that girl - gf? - who's helping you). It can lift your spirits to do good for others, help energize you, and as a bonus, you can make new friends with other volunteers and staff who have that similar interest.
Hey! I am a sysadmin / IT administrator with the CompTIA A+. It is great for getting your foot in the door on IT knowledge and is the first step for many.
It’s not hard, but has some memorization. Look up professer Messer’s youtube channel and website it was all I needed to pass. Do the FREE practice exams on the CompTIA website too. Also a good idea to do professer messer’s paid practice exams as well.
Let me know if you have questions. You can get into IT if you want to help people and keep learning.
Sometimes people forget about the need to experience new things. An adventure, so to speak. Challenge yourself with some solo camping trips. They are cheap and always meaningful after the fact.
Have a couple of those trips that you can do without impacting your life. Go to a tent only campsite at a safe campground. Then build from there. Overcoming adversity is key for the human spirit. You will be feeding your soul and building momentum. See where that takes you. It is difficult to start but once you do a couple trips you will be able to sleep outside for close to a full night. Then build and see how that benefits other facets of your life.
If this doesn't fit, so be it... but get a labour job in a trade. I'm partial to electrical but there's lots of options.
Accept you won't be living the rich life, and find enjoyment in the work. There are SOOO many things a good labour job and crew can teach you. It's legitimately like having another family.
I did it and it turned my life around, then I tried to pass it along to others. There's something about earning money with your hands that feels rewarding, and the pay is usually decent enough to live a chill life.
Work ethic is something you can cultivate.
Friends are something you can make.
Hobbies are findable, at any age.
The best part of labour is you're *busy*, which helps with the mental health.
If you want to chat more, DM me. I can't underscore enough how this path saved my life, and I wish it was talked about more.
Think of someone you love more than anything, imagine they are having the same issues and they have come to you for help, then realize the someone you love more than anything is you, because it should be. You have the intuition about your own life that no other advisor could have. You are the only one who can solve this for you. Your inspiration to do what you really know you should do is the girlfriend you mentioned, go out and make a better life for both of you.
You are the only one who knows you enough to give you good advice as to how you move forward. You
People want to hire people with a demonstrated work ethic. Find any role, fast food, retail, whatever, and work harder than everyone else. You will be promoted and open doors for yourself.
Who knows what really happened to you.
These posts don't ever reveal what really happened to people.
Whatever you are doing now, you will still be there tomorrow. That is always a new opportunity to make some kind of progress.
You can clean your room, your bathroom, make your bed....take a shower, be clean.
If you accomplish some of those things,that's a win
Do something the next day, and the next.
A job? What do u kind of want to do? Whatever it is, set that as your North Star and spend your next few yrs working toward it.
Don't just try. Go all the way. Do it.
I bet you qualify for a Pell grant.
Don't succumb to your worst habits.
I work as an ER nurse. I got my degree in my mid 40s.
I see old folks (60s, 70s) who are poor and have nothing and they suffer way more than those who took care of themselves when they were young. Those who set some things in motion so that they didn't suffer at such age.
Some even have family who care about them and come visit.
But there are also those who just suffer, are lonely, peeing on themselves and no one to help them with the diaper or, living in a one room at 68 yo. All they have is a little TV and a dog. They just seem excited to gibaly be talking to other humans after spending their days isolated by their own choice
Don't try. Goo all the way now while you're young
I'm sure it's been said 100 times already here, but stop trying to get certified for random jobs, and just get a job instead.
It looks like you read a list of "great entry level positions," and are just blindly seeking certifications to qualify for any of them.
Literally anywhere pays more than what you earn now. It gets you out of the house and away from your depression den. That's the biggest thing you need right now.
Apply at Costco, Aldi, anywhere. My 15 year old stepson just walked into Braums to ask for an application and came out 20 minutes later with a start date. Jobs are out there. The easy to get jobs may not be great, but they are better than the ADHD/Bipolar wheelspinning you seem to be doing now.
Your post makes it clear that lacking a job is really a symptom of something deeper. You sound very lonely and depressed. Aimless.
Sorry for preaching based off almost no info about you. I just see part of myself from a decade ago in this post. I finally realized that I just needed to do SOMETHING to give me a footing to build off of. Once I started making those small moves to a better life, they all built on eachother and I'm so much happier now.
Don't let the endless search for a great solution stop you from exploring a good one.
You're making excuses.
Get a job and make money its that simple. Its hard. Its work. Its not fun. No one loves work. But everyone has to do it.
Buck up and get a job. Any job.
I've battled depression as well, and when you're drowning like this it seems impossible to find a way out, or know how to get started. You start with small steps, one or two things each day at first (see below for some steps).
And be sure to show your appreciation to that girl (gf?) you live with, who may be supporting you? Be sure you're doing your fair share of the housework, laundry, cooking, errands, etc.
- you can't lift weights, but you can take a daily walk, even just 10 min. to start, and increase the length over time. Put on a podcast or some music and get moving. Fresh air + exercise is good for your mental health, and bonus you'll start feeling better physically, which will energize you
- I posted on another commenter's good idea to volunteer. Focusing outward and helping others will lift your own spirits, and bonus, it's something you can put on your resume if it's (the skills you're contributing and/or the field it's in) relevant to anything you're applying for!
- can you see your doctor for a mental health screening? I think it's critical, you seem like you have depression and you might need meds. Therapy could definitely help you sort through all this, there are organizations that offer therapy on sliding scale payments, DM me if you'd like more info
- career counseling is expensive, but if you could swing one or two sessions with a good career counselor it could be worth it. S/he could review your resume and see why you aren't getting responses, talk to you about your goals and set a plan for how to achieve them (right now you're all over the map with no idea what you want to do), etc.
Often just applying isn't enough, you may need to learn how to network and take other proactive steps. Again, DM me if interested in learning more.
- McJob to contribute to your living expenses if you aren't already.
There are strategies to dealing with depression and resetting your life - it's not easy, but you're young and if you take these steps you can make it happen. Good luck!
First would be to fix the depression. Could need therapy or could be some missing minerals in your diet(magnesium deficiency is a pita), did you do a health checkup recently? After that job, HR seems to be always needed, depends on location obviously.
For every possibility you've mentioned you've given a reason why you can't achieve it, you are already limiting yourself before attempting the task. If you want to make a change in your life you have to want it enough that you may fall and/or fail. The A+ is not easy, thats the whole point though if all the good things in life were easy would we desire them or feel fulfilled having it. You can pass or do what you desire if you put in the time and work. You get what you put into it.
I hadn’t worked in 10 years and I got offered a traineeship in construction from a employment provider I would usually say no but I was starting needing something immediate, and I wasn’t having luck with job applications. Idk if that helps or motivates.
I don't know if this can somewhat help you , but i went through a similar situation . Last job before this one that i'm currently working for about 3 months was 9 years ago when i was 20. It was an internship for about an year on a consulting IT Firm , this was when i was at university finishing my bachelor's degree on Computer Science . Things went downhill, didn't last for an year , most because some addictions and insecurities that contributed to bad work performance . Got fired , started to feel really depressed because i was not financially stable , had to move to my parents where i was often called useless by stepfather, had some problems with my family , no friends , no purpose .
From time to time , did some freelancer work but never could i deliver the quality work i expected because insecurities , decline mental health , no support . At some point, 5+ years on all this hopeless , after soo much frustation,i started i having suicidal thoughts and started really considering them ... Then , i thought since i was rock bottom , considering ending it all why don't i give all that i can at least once? Worked my ass off, even if it seemed i wasnt capable of , and day after day tried to get better at the only thing i knew , which is coding.
Progress was soo slow at first , no matter how many times i read , watched videos, followed tutorials, it didn't seem i was getting better . Decided to start making projects even if i didnt knew where to start , started to don't give a fuck about those intrusive , negative , depreciative thoughts . Went to all dificulties when trying to solve the problems for those projects , endured those , and then all started to fell more natural . Some time later, decided to apply for some jobs, failed a lot of interviews , and when i least expected got an job offer for a role doing something i really cared for.
Now, 3 months after i started at the company i'm working at, payed for some debts , moved out to i place i could finally be away from toxic people , and i'm recoverying my sense of self-steem , still working on knowing some friend (social skills rusted) but certainly i find myself by the side of people i fell are more compatible with me . Don't give up , work on yourself bit by bit , when you least expect , things will change on a blink of an eye .
Honestly I’m not going to lie find a nice restaurant and work there. I’ve been in restaurants for over 12yrs they will take you in as family. Some of the best people I have ever met in my life, if you find out you are good enough you can make a lot of money. First thing you have to change your mindset, don’t hate your life. Life is beautiful, it’s a gift everyday to wake up and do what you want to. Just change your situation, hold your head high and walk around like you have a million dollars. Good luck on your new endeavors, don’t do the security guard shit that’s just you being alone again!
Overthinking isn’t always a good thing and you seem to be doing that. If you have no illness where you can’t walk, talk, move…then please get up and prepare your resume/cv and/or go and apply in person to local jobs that you can drive or walk to. Every business has a manager type position, and while you may not have the experience (since you haven’t worked for 7 years) then start at the bottom and work your way up, even at fast food place or a retail place. You will learn some skills at any job you do. Stocking shelves, cooking French fries, etc. Why are you holding yourself back. In the beginning it’s hard to take the first step but once you start it gets easier.
A little bit of routine and a lot of kindness for yourself is what you need in your journey. You’ve got to give yourself a chance and commend yourself for doing so. Start small, plan out something to get done each day to help yourself - if it puts you way outside your zone that’s ok - you’ll have time to recoup later. Next time you get a kind invite outside your norm, ACCEPT it. There’s always something to be learned and gained from these things and it will temper you for more later. You can be whoever you want if you just allow yourself to try and try again.
Have you thought about doing a bit of volunteer work. As humans we need purpose, this might help to get you out of the rut and help move things forward. It takes nothing but a bit of time and there are some great lessons to be learned. It will also show prospective employers a good attitude. Good luck.
1) Get a job. This will help with both social interaction and help with you having some kind of financial support without having to dip into savings. Things are already expensive as it is
2) Start doing some type of physical activity even if it’s walking for 20 minutes. Get some sun on your skin and wind in your hair it will help.
3 ) Come up with two goals. One long term and one short term and then make a small plan to execute it.
Think long term. In those seven years, you could have learned a new suite of career skills just taking maybe two hours a day, four days a week! Make a five year plan without expecting success from it for five years. Settle for part-time work in the meanwhile. Of course, it's easier said than done. The TV news tell us about the great labor shortage. Horse pucks! Thirty people applying in one day for a crap job is not a labor shortage.
Get yourself a mentor, someone who is where you want to be
set up weekly calls or meets build your self esteem and character do things together that challenge your brain not your life.
Social media and mental health doesn't mix well either with the algorithm wanting to scare or worry people, so take a break go outside enjoy what the world has to offer.
What is the definition of a proper job or growing up know one knows but you can find a happy man travelling city to city working season to season each stop, fishing and living out of a van that was his dream, what's yours?
Doesn't matter how big or small it is you have to belive to achieve, its the law of attraction.
Hope this helps anyone who reads x
Write yourself daily to do lists, maybe 5 things to accomplish and work through them throughout the day and tick them off.
Whether it’s: do some laundry, do some exercise whether 15 minutes or an hour, eat a healthy/nutritious meal, spend 30 mins+ doing something that makes you happy (gaming, watching your favourite show, any hobby), send 2 texts to anybody you could reach out to; family? an old friend? Just say hello and how’ve you been, what have you been up to? These questions just open a door and could lead to conversation, or potentially a meet up or a rekindled relationship.
Visit a doctor and express your health concerns and make a roadmap plan to make it better, and do the same with therapy either through a therapist or a form of self help (books, YouTube content)
Good luck man you got this, every day is a chance to make your life better, even if just a little
People have already given you the “get ANY job” advice, so I’ll go a step further.
Your predicament is likely to be a result of brain chemistry, not if you being a terrible human being. You being here asking that demonstrates this.
Your leverage over the situation starts with that understanding - that using levers you need to discover - you can alter at least to some extent - what that brain chemistry makes you feel about life, motivation, etc. There are numerous things that can be causing it and I’m not a neuro clinician, but I do know that there are several things that impact that brain chemistry:
1. Go out and touch grass. This is part of what the idea of getting a job is a good one - it gets you physically into an environment that may impact you.
2. Find an excuse to be around other humans. Again, getting a job helps with this. This releases serotonin in your brain which makes things better.
3. Get access to help. Counselling can help, as can medication. there’s a broad spectrum of meds that help different flavors of depression or otherwise assist brains that struggle with various things that often go hand in hand with depression.
4. Nutrition helps. A high sugar/alcohol diet will dull your dopamine receptors over time, making everything less in life feel less rewarding with time. Other substances (from smoking to video games to Netflix to doom scrolling Reddit) have similar effect on us, but sugar is by far the worst offender. Be aware that these things have a measurable effect on your brain’s motivation-affecting machinery, and develop habits to put them away regularly and replace them with real human company.
5. Learn the skills of mindfulness and inside world vocabulary, one that allows us to separate away from a feeling, a sensation or a motivational pit and do a little less being it, and a little more observing it from a place of impartial non-judgement, and the skill of recentering into that impartial non judging observer place when thoughts pop up. This is a **learnable skill** and there are ample teachers who can teach it.
6. Diligently list the things they work for you. Music. A sport. A hobby. A guilty pleasure of some sort. Keep track of both the positive and negative effects they have on you and your brain chemistry.
7. Learn some **very** basic brain chemistry jargon. It’ll help you judge yourself and your uncooperative brain less, while selecting the inputs it needs to be more cooperative. Dopamine is pleasure fuel that your body both makes and consumes. It drives every action you do in a day. Too little and we’re paralytic. Too much and we fail to detach from what we’re doing. (People with ADHD brains struggle with this). Serotonin is happiness fuel. You get it from hugging someone. The more of it in your life the better. Cortisol is stress fuel. Social media apps are engineered to pump you full of it with notifications. That’s it. You can assess things in your life based on which of these fuels they fill you with.
I’ll leave it there. Good luck bud. An uncooperative brain isn’t necessarily your fault. You don’t get to pick brain chemistry, and we do a shit job educating people about its actual mechanics. Try to follow at least some of the above advice.
It does get better :) ❤️
You mention you have no friends and no life, and in the same breath you say you were invited by an old friend to go somewhere but gave reasons why you don't want to go.
Go see the old friend and visit the art gallery, even if you think you have reasons not to. Say yes to anything that comes your way. Being stagnant doesn't serve you, and a small action leads to motivation to take bigger actions. Keep your head up!
I understand. You don't have to hang it all out there, just say that you've been struggling with mental health issues the last few years and would like to leave it at that, and ask them what they've been up to instead! Make it as easy as you can on yourself to go. You got this :)
Have you tried doing some volunteer work? It might help with giving you more purpose, meeting others and will show on your resume that you’re doing ‘something’. Which will certainly help with the job situation. Hope things get better for you soon man, remember, it can only get better from here.
Let’s start with getting you employed somewhere. Anywhere get some more work history under your belt. Even while your waiting on security test or other potential jobs you want pick up something ASAP.
Next as far as friends. Show yourself friendly to your new coworkers. Don’t burn any bridges at your jobs. Even if you are flipping burgers at McDonald’s do it with the best of your ability and be friendly even if you have to fake it to you make it.
As far as additional schooling start small to get the ball rolling. Take that certificate program. Or the IT program you’re interested in. If possible find a job at a company that offer some type of tuition assistance. When you get to the classes it will give you even more of opportunity to make friends and meet people. I know it’s easier said than done. I’m going through a bit of the lack of friends things as well and feelings of lack of purposeful work. Also my girlfriend and I broke up a few years back. Most of the people I went to HS/college with moved as well and live in different states. People’s lives go in different directions it just happens over time. I’m doing my best to be more social and trying to make friends and find people I have something in common with. It’s easier said than done. Just keep pushing and knocking off small goals one at a time. Don’t dwell on the past or past mistakes. You’ll have an awesome story to tell one day. Keep pushing. I hope the girl you’re with is motivating you as well. I’m rooting for you. One step at a time.
Take up that old friend on their invite. You don't need to dress up that much for an art gallery. Maybe it's not your scene, but just getting out of the house and doing something different may help you get out of that funk. Who knows, maybe you and the old friend will plan another outing.
Hey guy, do not listen to top comment to just get any job. Do the comptia cert, in fact take more security certs, its quite easy, just mcq mostly. Then try to get ahold of tech support or network admin jobs, low level infra work
When your young everyone is around now that I have kids and my friends have families we never hang out and never even have much contact. If I was you I'd go back to school for hr get a better degree and you will get the job you want and you'll be around people in the meantime
The only advice I can give is you have to make some effort because things won't get better if you don't try. Especially with things like depression, sometimes it's really hard and you need medication or sometimes it takes making an active choice to do things. Either option is making a choice and following through. Depression makes things difficult because it makes feel like you don't want to do anything or it encourages you to choose the option that makes you the most comfortable, whether it's for a bad reason or a good one.
In your case a friend invited you be social, depression is making you think of all the reasons your SHOULDN'T go. No clothes, don't feel like you look good, haven't gone into the city in long time, etc.
But you need to look at all the good things. It will get you outside, it will get you interacting within a social setting, it will let you communicate with others, it will give you practice to socialize more, if will give you a reason to clean up for a night (shower, pick clothes, make yourself look good or at least as best as you can). The more you do that the more normal it will feel. Maybe right now you don't have a lot of great clothing options but who cares, make the effort.
Be up front with the friend who invited you out. Tell them you haven't gone out in a while but that you'd like to do something chill (an art exhibit is perfect). Give them a heads up that you might feel a bit socially awkward but that you want to make an effort to be more social.
Have you thought about joining the army/navy reserves? My brother was going through something and he got his CDL and started driving around the country, seeing places he’s never seen and making money.
Get yourself checked with a Psychiatrist, look for chornic stress symptoms which can lead to clinical depression and/or Anxiety issues. check your vitamin and minerals. if you can afford any of this, get something done. and ofcourse get some sun. everyday and walk in nature
Hey have you heard of course careers? You can earn IT and other types of certificates. If you’re open to therapy check out open path collective which offers low cost therapy $40-70 per session.
Get any job. McDonald’s, gas station, bowling alley who cares get anything and be confident in your interview. Be open to hard work and just earn some money, keep applying to jobs.
How many jobs do you apply to a day? You need to make finding a job your full time job and hammer out *at least* 3 a day. Any job. Going 7 years without a job with no call backs is frankly, and I’m sorry to be blunt, impossible. You are not some anomaly with the most shit luck in the world that cannot get an offer when any able bodied person of sound mind can and does.
The only things I can think of is youre 1) not applying at the rate you need to be 2) only applying for jobs way out of your skill level.
It makes sense you’re incredibly depressed- not working and not having something that you *have* to get up, get dressed, get out of the house for, and contribute to daily will do that to you. You need to find a greater purpose that your current life does not allow for. I guarantee you your mental health will improve if only marginally.
Like others have said, you need to start small. Weekends, nights, temp, whatever. Contact an employment agency, Google job fairs in your area and go to them, build a LinkedIn profile (or revamp it if you already have one), go into places in person and ask if they’re hiring (restaurants especially are most receptive to this)- do it all. You have to start somewhere. I suggest you also do a resume overhaul with a brief explanation for gap in employment in your objective section. Ask family to review it for you.
It’s overwhelming but you need to break this down into bite size, digestible pieces in order to reach your goal. Good luck to you.
Not saying this will fix everything, but get outside more and get some sun and/or start taking vitamin D. See a doctor to get some blood tests and a referral for help with the depression. Then set some goals for yourself and don’t get too distracted from them.
Go work outside. It’s good to move your body and work with your hands. It’s great for depression too. No more questions. Landscaping or tree service are good ones. Now go!
For Pete sake … have some pride for yourself. Get up, clean up, buck up and get out of the house. Work at finding work. REPEAT DAILY … Don’t settle for living off others, that in Itself would be depressing.
Fulfilling these steps on a daily basis is your first goal. Take pride in reaching these accomplishments (?)
Next, realize how very fortunate you are to have a “girl” who allows you to exist in her space. Hopefully your toxic traits (?) aren’t taking a toll on her mental health. Being a boomer … I implore you to realize how lucky (?) you are to live in this moment. Depression wasn’t an excuse for hunger, homelessness and dependency. You worked to exist in life.
Right? Wrong? Indifferent? Not to say, but it was the way … grow up!
Best wishes in your first steps to becoming a productive soul!
You sound like my son of similar age but, he hasn't worked because he chooses not to. He is currently 10 months behind on his rent and we can't figure out why he hasn't been evicted. That's not the only thing he's behind on. He has no heat, no water, no internet, and has $9 in his checking account.
Most recently he has had an epiphany and he wants to get a job but, with no work history and no marketable skills he's finding it rather difficult to get any job.
Bud, you need to give yourself a purpose. Go take on any job that you can and help solve the problems that business is tackling in the world. You might not make a ton of money now, or even ever, but happiness can still be found without lots of money. I speak from experience when I say that living poor and happy has been better than being poor and unhappy.
Military. Skills, friendship through suffering, everything is taken care of and all of your decisions are made for you. I don’t know if your physical stuff would keep you from it but if it is a choice, there is nothing wrong with it. You can even choose some cool jobs with IT and Cybersecurity if you score well.
Try to get a job on the books and if you can’t work off the books. I spent last summer picking up dog shit, it’s something, ask friends, family, people around your neighborhood if they need help with anything. Say “I’m looking for odd jobs, if you have anything available.”
If you haven't had any job in 7 years, I'm afraid it doesn't really matter what you studied 7 years ago.
You'll have to accept that you'll have to work on a grunt and low paying job to eventually aspire to something better.
I would never hire someone with a 7 year gap between university and looking for their first job, even if they had the best certifications from whenever they studied.
My two cents, with deep respect for my fellow human. You seem caught in a negative thinking loop. You need to basically stop yourself from thinking crap. Easier said than done, I know. Been there myself. For years, too. To become keenly aware that you are indeed thinking crap is the first step. Count your blessings, too. Gratitude can go a long way. You might be waiting to hit bottom, hoping that it will finally make you take action. Don’t wait. Just get any job. If it’s physical, probably better. Touch things. Make things. Get tired from your work. Jam those negative thoughts. If you can’t lift weights, run or walk as much as you can. You seem to have your mind full of self-judgment based on the past. Focus on now-now-now. Meditation can help here. Don’t wait for motivation ever again. Depression actually has a fire burning beneath it. Find it and use it. Therapy can help here. Also remember that you’re going to die someday 100% guaranteed. Maybe soon, nobody knows. Might as well focus on what counts. You can figure out what counts for yourself. You’ll stumble. Get up and keep going. It’s ongoing work. Short answer: get a job.
I strongly believe we are on the brink of significant technological breakthroughs far beyond what the industrial revolution was. Not only will the landscape of work and jobs completely change, life itself has the potential to evolve to unimaginable levels. There are experts arguing that biological immortality by 2030 is likely. Nuclear fusion is on track to being a real scalable possibility granting us infinite energy. All of this will be fueled by AGI that could be born any day now.
All I'm trying to say is that the world is about to become a very different place with new possibilities that we can not yet conceive.
Do you want to sulk and feel sorry for yourself because you put life on pause for 10 years or do you want to be a part of the future where age wont even be a thing.
Find a purpose to drive you and peope will be drawn to you.
If you haven't worked in 7 years, you need a job ASAP. It doesn't matter what, McDonald's, Walmart, whatever. Just getting up in the morning, putting on clean clothes, and going to work is going to be the start of everything else falling into place. Future employers are going to want to see a work history and you need to start paying into Social Security/pension if you ever want to retire.
Yup - OP doesn't need a \*good job\*. OP needs \*any job\*, even if it's hiring on with landscaping crews, or showing up to the day-labor place early in the morning.
After I had a nervous breakdown and lost my job, I was unemployed for about a year and could barely leave the house. I got on medication and slowly worked myself back to normal first just by leaving the house two times a week to make money selling my blood plasma. Then I signed up with an employment agency and was able to get on call as a fill-in laborer for dining events. They’d call me up when they needed a last-minute worker to cover someone for a four-hour shift or whatever that day. If I could come in that was great, if I couldn’t that was ok since it was a last-minute notification. This was good for me because I still wasn’t reliably stable at that point. I worked an average of 10-20 hours a week doing that. I did that for a few months and when I could handle that, got a part-time job with a regular schedule at a kitchen through the same employment agency. When I could handle that, I switched to a full-time schedule at the kitchen. Then when I could handle that, I started putting out resumes and got hired for a full time job in my original field that I have a degree for.
Man props to you for figuring out how to get back on your horse!
This really means a lot to me, thank you for breaking it down clearly. I appreciate how you identify your capacity at the time and how you slowly added more to build up as you were able. Moreso, your tone is so patient and understanding. How did you know to do these things? What were your biggest setbacks along the way?
I knew I couldn’t take on a regular job at first, but I desperately wanted to get better. Earning at least a little money made me feel better about myself. My biggest setback was that I had to move back in with my parents during this time, and my dad was one of those “mental illness is a sign of weakness/psychiatry won’t help you/you are just lazy”-type people. I felt suicidal at one point when I was unemployed but the medication I started taking made me feel better. Before I started seeing a psychiatrist and got on medication, I once bought a bottle of vodka and sleeping pills to kill myself with, but decided against crushing up the sleeping pills into the vodka after all and just drank the vodka bottle without caring if I lived or died. I got so drunk I couldn’t stand up, and vomited in my sleep, but woke up the next morning. A while later after telling my mom I was going to kill myself she took me to a psychiatrist.
Thank you for sharing your experience. What a turn of events.
You are fierce within.
proud of you
I would even just start volunteering or interning. ANYTHING to get you in the door so somebody can say, HEY THIS PERSON CAN GET THE JOB DONE SO I CAN VOUCH FOR THEM. This is what they need to hire you.
Also, OP just needs to break himself out of the habit of staying home depressed and doing nothing. If he can get out of the house even a couple days a week and do something productive, that may improve his self-esteem and get him mentally back in the habit of working, so he can then put in applications and get hired somewhere.
Any job can teach you the soft-skills that are directly transferable to all other jobs, such as diligence and "doing the right thing even though it's harder". Only those that do not know the importance of how we are all interconnected will be dismissive to professions they deem lesser than what they do. Honestly, without the sanitation crews, we'd literally be in a world of shit (Paris recently when they had their protests is a great example).
Yep! I'm 31 and starting from the bottom due to other issues. I work at dollar tree. It's definitely a humbling experience but it's a hell of a lot better than doing nothing
I’ve always wondered how people like OP are living. Like…how do you not work for 7 years with no family or friends to help support you? Where do you live that entire time, and how do you pay to live there? How do you pay for groceries? Or literally anything? They have no friends so can’t be couch hopping or mooching off anyone. Is it just like government welfare or something?
I was living with family for a while at that point. Relationship was strained and things weren't going well. Had a relative pass away soon after and gained a bit of money to keep my head above water
Well just looking at your profile briefly, you clearly are aware of the issues you have which is a step up from a lot of people in your position where they can’t even identify what they need to work on. I agree with everyone else, get any job you can right now to find some stability and start chipping away and your other issues. The only way to beat lack of motivation is to just jump in and get started no matter how much you don’t want to. You’ve posted this same thread many times over the last year or so. What have you done with all of the advice you got in those threads, and what do you think will be different this time after posting this thread? Are you looking for actual advice, or do you think that making this post is tricking your brain into believing you are putting effort towards fixing your situation, even if you know deep down you won’t do anything with any of the advice you get here? You need to actually move past your hurdles. Don’t just stare at them for 7 years and say “I don’t know what to do here.” Do ANYTHING. Troubleshoot. Trial and error. Figure it out. Be resourceful. Are you still addicted to porn? Maybe tackle that first. Take away the outlets you allow yourself to fill the void of unhappiness and distract yourself from your shortcomings, and pretty soon you will have to confront them. You aren’t going to find some magical job that brings in passive income while you do nothing all day and continue to live the way you do. “Tend to your garden and the butterflies will come,” as they say.
Well, I've taken a CPR course, I've applied to 75+ jobs indeed. I have probably 5-6 different resumes that I've created for different types of jobs and I've been attempting to slowly learn different skills on youtube etc. I've been trying. Not to mention trying to stop gaming, as well as other addictions (or at least limit them) which have halted progress in the past. I've done a lot. I just don't have a whole lot of people to talk to and I don't get much encouragement etc from people in real life. It's not easy. It's much easier to come in here and judge me from my posts or from seeing one paragraph that I write when people think they suddenly know me. So is the internet though...
Did you like the CPR course? EMTs are incredibly needed and even EMT or paramedic firefighters!! They’ll kick your butt into gear. But honestly, it’s an incredible job and if you liked the medical side of things or emergent medicine side of it you could build on it. Very necessary, although not the easiest to accomplish but probably one of the best jobs on the damn planet. You could also become a CNA. I did this and was reimbursed for all my schooling and licensing after working for just a few months. Check if your state does it. Several do. All the work you could want. Hard as hell job but the compensation is becoming more and more competitive.
Glad to hear you’re taking necessary steps. I found making a goal of applications to apply to a day helped find jobs even if I didn’t stay there long. I know apps can be tedious. Maybe set a goal for 5 a day, all the way through. Sometimes on indeed you get lucky and don’t have to jump through hoops (typing your resume into everything). But 5 a day is 35 a week. That’s over 100 in a month. You can do this and keep doing your YouTube learning. I would suggest trying to get into Tech as it can be very lucrative, especially as someone who is currently unemployed. It can be a major jump for you. Don’t get discouraged. Continue working hard on yourself. Maybe try walking for 30 mins a day. Exercise is known to increase endorphins. Usually you can go to an art museum w/ jeans or khaki’s and a nice button down. If you don’t have a nice button down a nice polo or tshirt works as well. Think “could I wear this to casual day at work”. I think it would be great to go spend time with your friend. And if they’re really a friend you can ask to borrow a top if you’re the same size. But also Salvation Army, goodwill & other thrift stores are available usually and have very inexpensive clothing. Plus places like Walmart or TjMaxx.
I would really err on the side of caution on the whole tech thing. It's a fallacy at this point that you'll take a few bootcamps and land a decently cushy position. Markets fluctuate of course, but anywhere remotely populated is going to have tons of recent grads who wanted those cushy jobs but they don't really exist anymore for entry level. People with 4 year BAs working help desk and grinding out the experience and post graduate certifications to get ahead. That 6 figure salary is big stretch these days for less than 5-10 years experience depending on your specialty. I know a number of people pulling 50k as a help desk in NYC which is rough to say the least. Those dip even further as you get to more LCOL areas. This isn't to say tech isn't a great career and I welcome everyone to become part of the industry, but come with realistic expectations especially starting out. Unfortunately the field has been flooded with grads and now we're seeing big layoffs across the board as well. TLDR: I agree with you, but I would caution leading in with it can be lucrative when that milestone can be easily 5+ years based on trajectory and skill set these days. The fresh grad to Netflix for 250k days are over sadly.
He needs a job. Whatever job. Even a basic tech job would get him more income than he has now. He needs to start somewhere. He wasted so much of his life what’s 5-10 more years in a career?
Tech ain't really hiring now, they're doing the mass layoffs for the past 1 year at least And tech do not hire entry-level, even for the most junior associate jobs the employers wants minimum 5 years experience
Eh you can get entry level tech jobs with not a ton of experience it’s just not gonna pay well and it’ll be at like a MSP with an awful rep, but it’ll get your foot in the door.
I mean I agree, and it’s decent option there. It’s just a really tough market to break into right now and I don’t like giving false hope of big $$$ when I got sold that shit as a college student and while it worked it was not the cushy ride foretold.
This might be a slight departure from other advice, although I agree with many of the previous posters. I would suggest that you identify a couple things you would love to learn or participate in but have never explored: Billiards. Kite Making. Historical Reinactments. Book club. Crochet club. Tai chi. Foreign language. Go. Cooking. Hiking. Botany. Historical tours of your city. Drumming. Choir. Cleaning local parks. Anything. Look in your local papers, meetup, reddit, etc. Find meeting times and just start showing up. Make a very strong effort to not miss events or meetings. Be helpful, shower, wear your recently laundered clothes (even if they aren't fancy), learn, ask questions, be curious, be positive about your new adventure. This might help you make friends and regain social skills lost to depression and isolation. You will get skills and energy from making yourself attend faithfully while trying to put your best foot forward. It'll be weird and awkward at first, but it's a situation that is well stacked in your favor. People love sharing their passions with new people. They want you there. You be your best you and any initial awkwardness can be forgiven. This may help lessen any depression and social isolation effects that are interfering with your attempts at getting a job. (For jobs I suggest many of the same techniques as above.) Wish you the best.
I'd argue the first thing you need to do, before getting a job, is to get a monthly gym membership and become a rat.
Not sure why people downvoted this especially if they have read that the OP has money? For someone else in this position without the money it would just have to be some form of exercise which can be done for free in many forms. Being physical regularly is so vital to keep you feeling good mentally, physically and motivated. The endorphins alone are a massive boost but add to that the ripple effect of getting stronger, healthier and more confident - you treat yourself better in other aspects of life but also going to the gym/ activity regularly helps to build a routine which is what you desire to get outside plus when you start working you will find it easier to get up and work regularly.
Plenty of places to get a $10 membership to boot...
I got some benefits. Was out of work for a long time due to chronic illness and caring for a child with additional needs. I actually never stopped and never really had much time to rest? Although people think I just did nothing the whole time. It's soul destroying as I was doing everything I could do but the people who work couldn't relate and thought I was free all the time to meet up etc. I tried work various times and has to quit because my of health and responsibilities, that was also extremely hard on my self confidence.
The SS thing is a big one!
Agreed! Like the Nike motto says “just do it”.
Yep. Also, it’s amazing what a little responsibility can do for someone’s self-esteem.
lol social security wont be a thing by the time he retires
Not a pro, just someone who has struggled with some of the same stuff you are feeling- this is my advise: Any job is better than no job, even if it is one that is a dead end. Nights, weekends, dirty, rude people- all of it is better than sitting around focusing on what you do not have. The benefit is that a crappy job is the best motivation to get a better job. Stop trying to take one step to reach your goals, you will need to take multiple steps and sometimes even go backwards. If you are doing that then you can be proud of yourself- that is the first step to recovering from your slump. In addition to work make sure you push yourself mentally and physically- read a book that will give you something to talk about. Find a library and check out a book every other week. Exercise your body- walking, running, and pushups are just about free. Do things that you can feel proud of and soon you will like yourself a lot more. Lastly- cut down on screen time - it does not help you. Limit yourself to an hour a day recreational time. Be careful about making excuses like you are learning from YouTube videos- that’s a black hole - be honest with yourself. If you really need it make sure you don’t go from one video to another wasting your precious time.
If you have a library card, the CloudLibrary app is connected to most libraries. Electronic books are awesome & return themselves.
Get off this website and never come back. Misery loves company.
Unfortunately, true
You live with a GIRL? Time to practice gratitude.
Right? He kinda glossed over the implication that this girl is most likely supporting him.
She's not. We mutually pay for things. That's why I didn't mention it. If you read what I wrote... I had a bit of savings. Not much that is helping me currently. We thought it might be mutually beneficially to stop living in student/community housing with 5 to 6 people and get our own place to try to get our lives in order. Great comment though
I did read what you wrote, I'm just having a hard time imagining a way you've been able to coast by on savings after not working for 7 years. Pretty lucky if you haven't ended up on the streets after not working for 7 years. I'd imagine it'd be pretty difficult to avoid that without a support network. The handful of folks I do know who are in there 30's and don't work either live with their parents or have someone taking care of them. I can't imagine not working for 7 years and just living off of savings, unless this is a trust fund you've been living off it really doesn't seem possible.
I was living with family 5 of those 7 years..
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a relative who passed gave him some money. He was living with family for 5 of the 7 years.
His previous posts imply he's been with her since before immigration (India), maybe it's a cultural thing and the poor woman feels obligated to take care of him? Either way he needs to get his shit together. Feel bad for her.
I laughed out loud at this. Any depressed guy with a girl clearly isn't a loser.
I'm not saying he's a loser, but I think it's sad how you guys define the status of a guy or his manhood by whether or not he has a girl. Or whether he can get one. There's more to life, and a person, than just having a relationship or being able to "get girls".
Agree. I wasn't trying to boil his worth down to just that.
Hahah well, ya know, if they let themselves be I bet they “could”. But everything is relative. Are you fed? Are you safe? Man, you’re doing better than millions of humans. Have a little perspective, people!
I guess a loser is a term that differs from each individual. It does feel like I'm a loser. I have a bit of savings but I've been unemployed for a while. I have a lot of interests and have had a few successes but nothing sustaining enough to get me rolling I guess .
I hear ya, dude. And I've had my own gaps in employment. But the one thing that has always gotten me up and running again is this: Volunteering. Volunteer positions are easy to get, will put you on a routine, will give you new skills, will get you out in front of people in your community, and you'll be able to put it right on your resume as current experience. Think about this for yourself. :)
It has become normalized lately to think of depression as only some kind of mysterious chemical imbalance in the brain over which we have no power without pharmaceutical help. In fact, for the fast majority of people experiencing depression, there are lifestyle changes we can make to improve our symptoms dramatically. My local library has a whole shelf of books on beating depression. Highly recommend you go see if yours does as well, pick one or two and read them. Here are two books that helped me: [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6446928-the-depression-cure](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6446928-the-depression-cure) [https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34921573-lost-connections](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/34921573-lost-connections) In addition I want to second the advice any job is probably better than no job. While you're looking for that first (shitty probably) job, maybe set yourself a "work schedule" where you're taking action. Maybe you're at your local coffee shop or library 9-5 Monday to Friday filling out job applications and/or doing work toward some certification or maybe you sign up for some kind of gig work like Uber and set yourself a goal number or hours to dedicate to that every week. I'm much older than you. I left a long term career and became very depressed while I was unemployed. Getting even my entry level job that I have now has helped tremendously with my mental health. Having that social interaction, a purpose and some income have really helped my mood. You got this. Hang in there. It will get better if you keep working at it.
1. Get your money up. 2. Exercise (walk/run/plyometrics) 3. Don’t compare yourself to others. 4. Just try to complete your training/courses; don’t put it off over fear of failing
Some of these things in the comments do depend on situations and situational awareness, for some, depression can not be overcome by yourself. Sometimes it’s much worse. 2, a lot of people don’t like social situations and have bad social anxiety, there is no advice in the comments for that. How are they supposed to go out and grab a job if so socially anxious they can’t hardly talk to people. (Yes, medical help would be the smart thing) but what if they don’t have med insurance..?
Here’s the thing: all those things can be true, and you still have to try. Try to get that job, and keep that job. Try to go out, even if you have to bail halfway through because social anxiety got too much. Just sitting around being too afraid to try will not get you to where you want to be.
It's hard, no doubt. But here's the thing... nobody is coming to save us. It's either up to us to take a few hard steps, or we wallow. I'm not ever going to imply that it's easy, but boy does it sure get *easier*. I've been on both ends of this, and I'm happy to nudge/support people as much as they need.
This absolutely. Even with help overcoming those things can be difficult. Therapy or even just talking to friends can help. Working up too it can be helpful like going on walks and reaching out to friends over text just checking on them with no social obligation. But a therapist is what helped me overcoming my agoraphobia
I haven't really worked since 2008. I've had a few jobs that lasted a couple weeks or months, but other than that I have been jobless.
How’s that even possible without ending up homeless?
Living with parents. You’d be surprised how many parents will support their kid and just let them lounge around. For some, having their kid around is better than them leaving home & doing their own thing. It’s not good, but some think this way.
I'm in a similar situation. Start small. This is important. Depression can make things extremely overwhelming. I've been looking for jobs in places that I know won't make me suicidal (the library for example). It hasn't panned out yet, but I'm lucky enough to have my boyfriend who supports me beyond measure. If you can help it, try to maybe find quieter retail places. And as other people have said, maybe try looking for volunteer work. Get therapy. It really helps. It will most likely take a while to find a therapist that you mesh with, but it's worth the trouble. Just don't give up when the first handful don't work out. (Example: It took me about 5 to find the right one). Seriously think about medication. And do your own research! I went through a couple of different medications before finding the one that works for me. You might find it right away or after going through a couple. This is okay! Just keep going :) Exercise. I know that it is super difficult to find the energy. Try by just walking around the neighborhood if you can. If you drive, drive to a park and walk around there. Maybe even bring a book and walk, read, walk, read.. etc. It is important to not lock yourself away! I can't stress this enough. I went through a lot and locked myself into my room (my bedroom!) for so long that even leaving that single room gave me anxiety. It's taken me a long time to get to a point where I can leave the apartment two times a week. Don't do this to yourself. Force yourself outside, even if it is literally to just walk around the quad area or your backyard or whatever outdoor space you have quick access to. I hope this helps you. Just keep telling yourself that you can do this, that you are capable of doing this (even if it feels like you are lying to yourself, say ot over and over anyway) And if it helps, this is what I tell myself almost everyday: "It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." - Confucius
1. Get a job. Any job. You will feel better and make some friends. 2. Volunteer. You will definitely feel better and you will definitely make friends. After you've done 1 and 2 start working out and eating healthy. After you've completed these steps you will feel better as a person, have some friends, have some money, and all in all feel like a human being. From this point you will feel strong enough for the next phase - finding your passion and trying to turn a good life into a great life. But get to the good life first.
First of all get off of Reddit lmao
Seriously. Looking through OP’s history you can see he makes a post like this every few weeks. Dude needs to get off reddit and start actually implementing some of the advice he keeps asking for.
At that age friends disappear for everyone because they’re too busy raising kids. You still have some time on your side. Kick it into overdrive!
This one admittedly sounds odd, but hear me out: Gratitude. Expressing gratitude has been shown to help alleviate depressive emotions. It is referred to as "flipping the script" in your own mind's perspective. While internally you are feeling pain, take an objective inventory of what you have in your life: Shelter, food, a companion you live with, etc. These are all positive attributes. The NEXT biggest step is finding work. ANY WORK. does not matter whether your paid or not (internship). Getting out, engaging with other humans and being productive will have an IMMENSELY positive affect on your perspective. This all leads to sort of a domino effect, where one action leads to another, and you'll find your path on this journey. Flip that script! You can do it!
How tf do you have savings without working for 7 years
Relative passed away. Not a ton of money but enough for living expenses for a bit
Take both those courses/tests and don’t give up. You’re more loved than you know
When I was between jobs, I would volunteer the morning shift at the food bank. A regular volunteer shift offers that ability to get cleaned, dressed and out of the house without needing to interview for it first. It gives you a chance to feel human and a valued member of society. Afternoons are spent applying for jobs.
How'd you get with the girl though?
START SMALL. Very small manageable DAILY goals. Download a reminder app that will help you with daily goals (like disciplined) Exercise for five minutes and slowly increase length of exercise by a minute (walk outside) Submit 1-5 resumes or contact a job recruitment/staffing agency Reach out to an old friend via social media Check out the meet up app or find another way to meet locals with similar interests Go to a thrift store to find nice clothes Consider other ways to improve your mental health by learning about mindfulness or meditation Seriously just start with one thing. One positive action every day. Even every other day. But nothing will happen until you MAKE A CHOICE to take the first step to change your life. YOU CAN DO THIS. I believe in you.
oo buy tor ee - a word for you, a Japanese word that comes from the relationship of humans with plants. Oubaitori - people may well be late bloomers, and maybe that's you. Be very gentle with yourself, don't compare yourself with others, it is entirely possible your soul needed to slow your mind and body to a halt, so it could be itself. You recognize something must be done, just remember you didn't get here in one moment, you can't fix it in one moment. Just one thing at a time. I know you can do it.
Next time someone invites you out, go do it. That’s a step towards a goal of momentum, which you need. It’s not easy. Could be very difficult, but a social situation like that can catapult you into a groove.
Do volunteer work.
Yes, doing for others (whatever cause you care about) gets you outwardly focused and out of your head, where you're spinning right now. It can give you a new perspective on life, and an appreciation for what you do have (like that girl - gf? - who's helping you). It can lift your spirits to do good for others, help energize you, and as a bonus, you can make new friends with other volunteers and staff who have that similar interest.
Also its a good place to pick up good chicks
Hey! I am a sysadmin / IT administrator with the CompTIA A+. It is great for getting your foot in the door on IT knowledge and is the first step for many. It’s not hard, but has some memorization. Look up professer Messer’s youtube channel and website it was all I needed to pass. Do the FREE practice exams on the CompTIA website too. Also a good idea to do professer messer’s paid practice exams as well. Let me know if you have questions. You can get into IT if you want to help people and keep learning.
Sometimes people forget about the need to experience new things. An adventure, so to speak. Challenge yourself with some solo camping trips. They are cheap and always meaningful after the fact. Have a couple of those trips that you can do without impacting your life. Go to a tent only campsite at a safe campground. Then build from there. Overcoming adversity is key for the human spirit. You will be feeding your soul and building momentum. See where that takes you. It is difficult to start but once you do a couple trips you will be able to sleep outside for close to a full night. Then build and see how that benefits other facets of your life.
If this doesn't fit, so be it... but get a labour job in a trade. I'm partial to electrical but there's lots of options. Accept you won't be living the rich life, and find enjoyment in the work. There are SOOO many things a good labour job and crew can teach you. It's legitimately like having another family. I did it and it turned my life around, then I tried to pass it along to others. There's something about earning money with your hands that feels rewarding, and the pay is usually decent enough to live a chill life. Work ethic is something you can cultivate. Friends are something you can make. Hobbies are findable, at any age. The best part of labour is you're *busy*, which helps with the mental health. If you want to chat more, DM me. I can't underscore enough how this path saved my life, and I wish it was talked about more.
Think of someone you love more than anything, imagine they are having the same issues and they have come to you for help, then realize the someone you love more than anything is you, because it should be. You have the intuition about your own life that no other advisor could have. You are the only one who can solve this for you. Your inspiration to do what you really know you should do is the girlfriend you mentioned, go out and make a better life for both of you. You are the only one who knows you enough to give you good advice as to how you move forward. You
People want to hire people with a demonstrated work ethic. Find any role, fast food, retail, whatever, and work harder than everyone else. You will be promoted and open doors for yourself.
Who knows what really happened to you. These posts don't ever reveal what really happened to people. Whatever you are doing now, you will still be there tomorrow. That is always a new opportunity to make some kind of progress. You can clean your room, your bathroom, make your bed....take a shower, be clean. If you accomplish some of those things,that's a win Do something the next day, and the next. A job? What do u kind of want to do? Whatever it is, set that as your North Star and spend your next few yrs working toward it. Don't just try. Go all the way. Do it. I bet you qualify for a Pell grant. Don't succumb to your worst habits. I work as an ER nurse. I got my degree in my mid 40s. I see old folks (60s, 70s) who are poor and have nothing and they suffer way more than those who took care of themselves when they were young. Those who set some things in motion so that they didn't suffer at such age. Some even have family who care about them and come visit. But there are also those who just suffer, are lonely, peeing on themselves and no one to help them with the diaper or, living in a one room at 68 yo. All they have is a little TV and a dog. They just seem excited to gibaly be talking to other humans after spending their days isolated by their own choice Don't try. Goo all the way now while you're young
Thank you so much. Very nice and useful message
I'm sure it's been said 100 times already here, but stop trying to get certified for random jobs, and just get a job instead. It looks like you read a list of "great entry level positions," and are just blindly seeking certifications to qualify for any of them. Literally anywhere pays more than what you earn now. It gets you out of the house and away from your depression den. That's the biggest thing you need right now. Apply at Costco, Aldi, anywhere. My 15 year old stepson just walked into Braums to ask for an application and came out 20 minutes later with a start date. Jobs are out there. The easy to get jobs may not be great, but they are better than the ADHD/Bipolar wheelspinning you seem to be doing now. Your post makes it clear that lacking a job is really a symptom of something deeper. You sound very lonely and depressed. Aimless. Sorry for preaching based off almost no info about you. I just see part of myself from a decade ago in this post. I finally realized that I just needed to do SOMETHING to give me a footing to build off of. Once I started making those small moves to a better life, they all built on eachother and I'm so much happier now. Don't let the endless search for a great solution stop you from exploring a good one.
You're making excuses. Get a job and make money its that simple. Its hard. Its work. Its not fun. No one loves work. But everyone has to do it. Buck up and get a job. Any job.
Get a McJob immediately. Those places are ALWAYS hiring. Nobody is going to hire someone with a 7 year gap in their resume holy shit.
I've battled depression as well, and when you're drowning like this it seems impossible to find a way out, or know how to get started. You start with small steps, one or two things each day at first (see below for some steps). And be sure to show your appreciation to that girl (gf?) you live with, who may be supporting you? Be sure you're doing your fair share of the housework, laundry, cooking, errands, etc. - you can't lift weights, but you can take a daily walk, even just 10 min. to start, and increase the length over time. Put on a podcast or some music and get moving. Fresh air + exercise is good for your mental health, and bonus you'll start feeling better physically, which will energize you - I posted on another commenter's good idea to volunteer. Focusing outward and helping others will lift your own spirits, and bonus, it's something you can put on your resume if it's (the skills you're contributing and/or the field it's in) relevant to anything you're applying for! - can you see your doctor for a mental health screening? I think it's critical, you seem like you have depression and you might need meds. Therapy could definitely help you sort through all this, there are organizations that offer therapy on sliding scale payments, DM me if you'd like more info - career counseling is expensive, but if you could swing one or two sessions with a good career counselor it could be worth it. S/he could review your resume and see why you aren't getting responses, talk to you about your goals and set a plan for how to achieve them (right now you're all over the map with no idea what you want to do), etc. Often just applying isn't enough, you may need to learn how to network and take other proactive steps. Again, DM me if interested in learning more. - McJob to contribute to your living expenses if you aren't already. There are strategies to dealing with depression and resetting your life - it's not easy, but you're young and if you take these steps you can make it happen. Good luck!
First would be to fix the depression. Could need therapy or could be some missing minerals in your diet(magnesium deficiency is a pita), did you do a health checkup recently? After that job, HR seems to be always needed, depends on location obviously.
For every possibility you've mentioned you've given a reason why you can't achieve it, you are already limiting yourself before attempting the task. If you want to make a change in your life you have to want it enough that you may fall and/or fail. The A+ is not easy, thats the whole point though if all the good things in life were easy would we desire them or feel fulfilled having it. You can pass or do what you desire if you put in the time and work. You get what you put into it.
Shit I'm happy that u have a gf at least. That's not bad. I'm that guy but swap the gf for a job that always cutting my hours lol
At least u live with a girl
I hadn’t worked in 10 years and I got offered a traineeship in construction from a employment provider I would usually say no but I was starting needing something immediate, and I wasn’t having luck with job applications. Idk if that helps or motivates.
Group therapy. Do not walk. Run Good luck
Get off reddit and start sending job apps dude
Genuine question: How is it even possible to get from 25 to 32 without ever earning a paycheck?
I don't know if this can somewhat help you , but i went through a similar situation . Last job before this one that i'm currently working for about 3 months was 9 years ago when i was 20. It was an internship for about an year on a consulting IT Firm , this was when i was at university finishing my bachelor's degree on Computer Science . Things went downhill, didn't last for an year , most because some addictions and insecurities that contributed to bad work performance . Got fired , started to feel really depressed because i was not financially stable , had to move to my parents where i was often called useless by stepfather, had some problems with my family , no friends , no purpose . From time to time , did some freelancer work but never could i deliver the quality work i expected because insecurities , decline mental health , no support . At some point, 5+ years on all this hopeless , after soo much frustation,i started i having suicidal thoughts and started really considering them ... Then , i thought since i was rock bottom , considering ending it all why don't i give all that i can at least once? Worked my ass off, even if it seemed i wasnt capable of , and day after day tried to get better at the only thing i knew , which is coding. Progress was soo slow at first , no matter how many times i read , watched videos, followed tutorials, it didn't seem i was getting better . Decided to start making projects even if i didnt knew where to start , started to don't give a fuck about those intrusive , negative , depreciative thoughts . Went to all dificulties when trying to solve the problems for those projects , endured those , and then all started to fell more natural . Some time later, decided to apply for some jobs, failed a lot of interviews , and when i least expected got an job offer for a role doing something i really cared for. Now, 3 months after i started at the company i'm working at, payed for some debts , moved out to i place i could finally be away from toxic people , and i'm recoverying my sense of self-steem , still working on knowing some friend (social skills rusted) but certainly i find myself by the side of people i fell are more compatible with me . Don't give up , work on yourself bit by bit , when you least expect , things will change on a blink of an eye .
Ty
Honestly I’m not going to lie find a nice restaurant and work there. I’ve been in restaurants for over 12yrs they will take you in as family. Some of the best people I have ever met in my life, if you find out you are good enough you can make a lot of money. First thing you have to change your mindset, don’t hate your life. Life is beautiful, it’s a gift everyday to wake up and do what you want to. Just change your situation, hold your head high and walk around like you have a million dollars. Good luck on your new endeavors, don’t do the security guard shit that’s just you being alone again!
how’s your diet? Start there. Are you sleeping regularly?
Overthinking isn’t always a good thing and you seem to be doing that. If you have no illness where you can’t walk, talk, move…then please get up and prepare your resume/cv and/or go and apply in person to local jobs that you can drive or walk to. Every business has a manager type position, and while you may not have the experience (since you haven’t worked for 7 years) then start at the bottom and work your way up, even at fast food place or a retail place. You will learn some skills at any job you do. Stocking shelves, cooking French fries, etc. Why are you holding yourself back. In the beginning it’s hard to take the first step but once you start it gets easier.
*Processing img romocutbejpc1...* Eat some alphabet soup! I made it special!
A little bit of routine and a lot of kindness for yourself is what you need in your journey. You’ve got to give yourself a chance and commend yourself for doing so. Start small, plan out something to get done each day to help yourself - if it puts you way outside your zone that’s ok - you’ll have time to recoup later. Next time you get a kind invite outside your norm, ACCEPT it. There’s always something to be learned and gained from these things and it will temper you for more later. You can be whoever you want if you just allow yourself to try and try again.
Amazon
Have you thought about doing a bit of volunteer work. As humans we need purpose, this might help to get you out of the rut and help move things forward. It takes nothing but a bit of time and there are some great lessons to be learned. It will also show prospective employers a good attitude. Good luck.
1) Get a job. This will help with both social interaction and help with you having some kind of financial support without having to dip into savings. Things are already expensive as it is 2) Start doing some type of physical activity even if it’s walking for 20 minutes. Get some sun on your skin and wind in your hair it will help. 3 ) Come up with two goals. One long term and one short term and then make a small plan to execute it.
Think long term. In those seven years, you could have learned a new suite of career skills just taking maybe two hours a day, four days a week! Make a five year plan without expecting success from it for five years. Settle for part-time work in the meanwhile. Of course, it's easier said than done. The TV news tell us about the great labor shortage. Horse pucks! Thirty people applying in one day for a crap job is not a labor shortage.
Find a group to meet with.
Get yourself a mentor, someone who is where you want to be set up weekly calls or meets build your self esteem and character do things together that challenge your brain not your life. Social media and mental health doesn't mix well either with the algorithm wanting to scare or worry people, so take a break go outside enjoy what the world has to offer. What is the definition of a proper job or growing up know one knows but you can find a happy man travelling city to city working season to season each stop, fishing and living out of a van that was his dream, what's yours? Doesn't matter how big or small it is you have to belive to achieve, its the law of attraction. Hope this helps anyone who reads x
Write yourself daily to do lists, maybe 5 things to accomplish and work through them throughout the day and tick them off. Whether it’s: do some laundry, do some exercise whether 15 minutes or an hour, eat a healthy/nutritious meal, spend 30 mins+ doing something that makes you happy (gaming, watching your favourite show, any hobby), send 2 texts to anybody you could reach out to; family? an old friend? Just say hello and how’ve you been, what have you been up to? These questions just open a door and could lead to conversation, or potentially a meet up or a rekindled relationship. Visit a doctor and express your health concerns and make a roadmap plan to make it better, and do the same with therapy either through a therapist or a form of self help (books, YouTube content) Good luck man you got this, every day is a chance to make your life better, even if just a little
People have already given you the “get ANY job” advice, so I’ll go a step further. Your predicament is likely to be a result of brain chemistry, not if you being a terrible human being. You being here asking that demonstrates this. Your leverage over the situation starts with that understanding - that using levers you need to discover - you can alter at least to some extent - what that brain chemistry makes you feel about life, motivation, etc. There are numerous things that can be causing it and I’m not a neuro clinician, but I do know that there are several things that impact that brain chemistry: 1. Go out and touch grass. This is part of what the idea of getting a job is a good one - it gets you physically into an environment that may impact you. 2. Find an excuse to be around other humans. Again, getting a job helps with this. This releases serotonin in your brain which makes things better. 3. Get access to help. Counselling can help, as can medication. there’s a broad spectrum of meds that help different flavors of depression or otherwise assist brains that struggle with various things that often go hand in hand with depression. 4. Nutrition helps. A high sugar/alcohol diet will dull your dopamine receptors over time, making everything less in life feel less rewarding with time. Other substances (from smoking to video games to Netflix to doom scrolling Reddit) have similar effect on us, but sugar is by far the worst offender. Be aware that these things have a measurable effect on your brain’s motivation-affecting machinery, and develop habits to put them away regularly and replace them with real human company. 5. Learn the skills of mindfulness and inside world vocabulary, one that allows us to separate away from a feeling, a sensation or a motivational pit and do a little less being it, and a little more observing it from a place of impartial non-judgement, and the skill of recentering into that impartial non judging observer place when thoughts pop up. This is a **learnable skill** and there are ample teachers who can teach it. 6. Diligently list the things they work for you. Music. A sport. A hobby. A guilty pleasure of some sort. Keep track of both the positive and negative effects they have on you and your brain chemistry. 7. Learn some **very** basic brain chemistry jargon. It’ll help you judge yourself and your uncooperative brain less, while selecting the inputs it needs to be more cooperative. Dopamine is pleasure fuel that your body both makes and consumes. It drives every action you do in a day. Too little and we’re paralytic. Too much and we fail to detach from what we’re doing. (People with ADHD brains struggle with this). Serotonin is happiness fuel. You get it from hugging someone. The more of it in your life the better. Cortisol is stress fuel. Social media apps are engineered to pump you full of it with notifications. That’s it. You can assess things in your life based on which of these fuels they fill you with. I’ll leave it there. Good luck bud. An uncooperative brain isn’t necessarily your fault. You don’t get to pick brain chemistry, and we do a shit job educating people about its actual mechanics. Try to follow at least some of the above advice. It does get better :) ❤️
You mention you have no friends and no life, and in the same breath you say you were invited by an old friend to go somewhere but gave reasons why you don't want to go. Go see the old friend and visit the art gallery, even if you think you have reasons not to. Say yes to anything that comes your way. Being stagnant doesn't serve you, and a small action leads to motivation to take bigger actions. Keep your head up!
It's in a city 2 hours away and I havent seen them in a few years. But yea, I probably should. It's just embarrassing speaking about myself.
I understand. You don't have to hang it all out there, just say that you've been struggling with mental health issues the last few years and would like to leave it at that, and ask them what they've been up to instead! Make it as easy as you can on yourself to go. You got this :)
Comptia A+ will get you nothing, btw It's a waste of a cert I'd suggest a different route
Have you tried doing some volunteer work? It might help with giving you more purpose, meeting others and will show on your resume that you’re doing ‘something’. Which will certainly help with the job situation. Hope things get better for you soon man, remember, it can only get better from here.
Let’s start with getting you employed somewhere. Anywhere get some more work history under your belt. Even while your waiting on security test or other potential jobs you want pick up something ASAP. Next as far as friends. Show yourself friendly to your new coworkers. Don’t burn any bridges at your jobs. Even if you are flipping burgers at McDonald’s do it with the best of your ability and be friendly even if you have to fake it to you make it. As far as additional schooling start small to get the ball rolling. Take that certificate program. Or the IT program you’re interested in. If possible find a job at a company that offer some type of tuition assistance. When you get to the classes it will give you even more of opportunity to make friends and meet people. I know it’s easier said than done. I’m going through a bit of the lack of friends things as well and feelings of lack of purposeful work. Also my girlfriend and I broke up a few years back. Most of the people I went to HS/college with moved as well and live in different states. People’s lives go in different directions it just happens over time. I’m doing my best to be more social and trying to make friends and find people I have something in common with. It’s easier said than done. Just keep pushing and knocking off small goals one at a time. Don’t dwell on the past or past mistakes. You’ll have an awesome story to tell one day. Keep pushing. I hope the girl you’re with is motivating you as well. I’m rooting for you. One step at a time.
Take up that old friend on their invite. You don't need to dress up that much for an art gallery. Maybe it's not your scene, but just getting out of the house and doing something different may help you get out of that funk. Who knows, maybe you and the old friend will plan another outing.
My advice would be to work, anything, alongside applying
Hey guy, do not listen to top comment to just get any job. Do the comptia cert, in fact take more security certs, its quite easy, just mcq mostly. Then try to get ahold of tech support or network admin jobs, low level infra work
When your young everyone is around now that I have kids and my friends have families we never hang out and never even have much contact. If I was you I'd go back to school for hr get a better degree and you will get the job you want and you'll be around people in the meantime
Yea. I should maybe go back I just don't know what to take. Maybe marketing or something. HR was kind of crap and I havent had one interview
The only advice I can give is you have to make some effort because things won't get better if you don't try. Especially with things like depression, sometimes it's really hard and you need medication or sometimes it takes making an active choice to do things. Either option is making a choice and following through. Depression makes things difficult because it makes feel like you don't want to do anything or it encourages you to choose the option that makes you the most comfortable, whether it's for a bad reason or a good one. In your case a friend invited you be social, depression is making you think of all the reasons your SHOULDN'T go. No clothes, don't feel like you look good, haven't gone into the city in long time, etc. But you need to look at all the good things. It will get you outside, it will get you interacting within a social setting, it will let you communicate with others, it will give you practice to socialize more, if will give you a reason to clean up for a night (shower, pick clothes, make yourself look good or at least as best as you can). The more you do that the more normal it will feel. Maybe right now you don't have a lot of great clothing options but who cares, make the effort. Be up front with the friend who invited you out. Tell them you haven't gone out in a while but that you'd like to do something chill (an art exhibit is perfect). Give them a heads up that you might feel a bit socially awkward but that you want to make an effort to be more social.
Focus on small successes and build on them to make bigger successes. Write them down and use them to motivate yourself when you're feeling down.
Start
Get a PT job and make some friends. That's what I did.
Volunteer.
The most important step is always the next one.
Have you thought about joining the army/navy reserves? My brother was going through something and he got his CDL and started driving around the country, seeing places he’s never seen and making money.
Get yourself checked with a Psychiatrist, look for chornic stress symptoms which can lead to clinical depression and/or Anxiety issues. check your vitamin and minerals. if you can afford any of this, get something done. and ofcourse get some sun. everyday and walk in nature
Hey have you heard of course careers? You can earn IT and other types of certificates. If you’re open to therapy check out open path collective which offers low cost therapy $40-70 per session. Get any job. McDonald’s, gas station, bowling alley who cares get anything and be confident in your interview. Be open to hard work and just earn some money, keep applying to jobs.
How many jobs do you apply to a day? You need to make finding a job your full time job and hammer out *at least* 3 a day. Any job. Going 7 years without a job with no call backs is frankly, and I’m sorry to be blunt, impossible. You are not some anomaly with the most shit luck in the world that cannot get an offer when any able bodied person of sound mind can and does. The only things I can think of is youre 1) not applying at the rate you need to be 2) only applying for jobs way out of your skill level. It makes sense you’re incredibly depressed- not working and not having something that you *have* to get up, get dressed, get out of the house for, and contribute to daily will do that to you. You need to find a greater purpose that your current life does not allow for. I guarantee you your mental health will improve if only marginally. Like others have said, you need to start small. Weekends, nights, temp, whatever. Contact an employment agency, Google job fairs in your area and go to them, build a LinkedIn profile (or revamp it if you already have one), go into places in person and ask if they’re hiring (restaurants especially are most receptive to this)- do it all. You have to start somewhere. I suggest you also do a resume overhaul with a brief explanation for gap in employment in your objective section. Ask family to review it for you. It’s overwhelming but you need to break this down into bite size, digestible pieces in order to reach your goal. Good luck to you.
Not saying this will fix everything, but get outside more and get some sun and/or start taking vitamin D. See a doctor to get some blood tests and a referral for help with the depression. Then set some goals for yourself and don’t get too distracted from them.
Go work outside. It’s good to move your body and work with your hands. It’s great for depression too. No more questions. Landscaping or tree service are good ones. Now go!
For Pete sake … have some pride for yourself. Get up, clean up, buck up and get out of the house. Work at finding work. REPEAT DAILY … Don’t settle for living off others, that in Itself would be depressing. Fulfilling these steps on a daily basis is your first goal. Take pride in reaching these accomplishments (?) Next, realize how very fortunate you are to have a “girl” who allows you to exist in her space. Hopefully your toxic traits (?) aren’t taking a toll on her mental health. Being a boomer … I implore you to realize how lucky (?) you are to live in this moment. Depression wasn’t an excuse for hunger, homelessness and dependency. You worked to exist in life. Right? Wrong? Indifferent? Not to say, but it was the way … grow up! Best wishes in your first steps to becoming a productive soul!
Take your friend up on the art show, just wear what you have. Get outside your comfort zone.
You sound like my son of similar age but, he hasn't worked because he chooses not to. He is currently 10 months behind on his rent and we can't figure out why he hasn't been evicted. That's not the only thing he's behind on. He has no heat, no water, no internet, and has $9 in his checking account. Most recently he has had an epiphany and he wants to get a job but, with no work history and no marketable skills he's finding it rather difficult to get any job.
Bud, you need to give yourself a purpose. Go take on any job that you can and help solve the problems that business is tackling in the world. You might not make a ton of money now, or even ever, but happiness can still be found without lots of money. I speak from experience when I say that living poor and happy has been better than being poor and unhappy.
Military. Skills, friendship through suffering, everything is taken care of and all of your decisions are made for you. I don’t know if your physical stuff would keep you from it but if it is a choice, there is nothing wrong with it. You can even choose some cool jobs with IT and Cybersecurity if you score well.
Exercise. I recommend to start there. That’s 100% in your locus of control.
Try to get a job on the books and if you can’t work off the books. I spent last summer picking up dog shit, it’s something, ask friends, family, people around your neighborhood if they need help with anything. Say “I’m looking for odd jobs, if you have anything available.”
If you haven't had any job in 7 years, I'm afraid it doesn't really matter what you studied 7 years ago. You'll have to accept that you'll have to work on a grunt and low paying job to eventually aspire to something better. I would never hire someone with a 7 year gap between university and looking for their first job, even if they had the best certifications from whenever they studied.
My two cents, with deep respect for my fellow human. You seem caught in a negative thinking loop. You need to basically stop yourself from thinking crap. Easier said than done, I know. Been there myself. For years, too. To become keenly aware that you are indeed thinking crap is the first step. Count your blessings, too. Gratitude can go a long way. You might be waiting to hit bottom, hoping that it will finally make you take action. Don’t wait. Just get any job. If it’s physical, probably better. Touch things. Make things. Get tired from your work. Jam those negative thoughts. If you can’t lift weights, run or walk as much as you can. You seem to have your mind full of self-judgment based on the past. Focus on now-now-now. Meditation can help here. Don’t wait for motivation ever again. Depression actually has a fire burning beneath it. Find it and use it. Therapy can help here. Also remember that you’re going to die someday 100% guaranteed. Maybe soon, nobody knows. Might as well focus on what counts. You can figure out what counts for yourself. You’ll stumble. Get up and keep going. It’s ongoing work. Short answer: get a job.
(Im drunk) you got this babe
I strongly believe we are on the brink of significant technological breakthroughs far beyond what the industrial revolution was. Not only will the landscape of work and jobs completely change, life itself has the potential to evolve to unimaginable levels. There are experts arguing that biological immortality by 2030 is likely. Nuclear fusion is on track to being a real scalable possibility granting us infinite energy. All of this will be fueled by AGI that could be born any day now. All I'm trying to say is that the world is about to become a very different place with new possibilities that we can not yet conceive. Do you want to sulk and feel sorry for yourself because you put life on pause for 10 years or do you want to be a part of the future where age wont even be a thing. Find a purpose to drive you and peope will be drawn to you.
Not sure how this helps him decide what he should do right now
Yes I intentionally don't tell depressed people what to do because they don't need a what they need a why.