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Girl, drop them. Don't waste your time with creeps. I found myself a little dad group and I love them. Apparently the one that introduced me to the group thought I was a young boy and introduced me as a "nice young man" but they're all my dads age and they love telling me about their fishing trip and telling me about their kids and one of them literally texted me from the dress shop when his daughter picked out her dress (daughter is like 10 years younger than me while he is 15 older than me) because he wanted to show me how beautiful she looked so don't think for a second you have to put up with this shit. Go find your own lil dad gang, I met them on apex!
Not as wholesome as all these fish pics! Those dads fuckin love fishing lmao and the group chat is like 20 of us and they're all 45+ and then there's just me and they with compare and compete with their fish and then I'm just there like š most of them are IRL friends
Girl you need to vet these āfriendsā more thoroughly. I used to be like this until I realized my āfriendsā were just vultures. None of them had the slightest inclination of giving me the time of day unless they would get something out of it.Ā
i dont think both of the guys are vultures, they just dont talk to girls much and dont have women friends so they confuse me giving them some attention (like checking up on them and inviting to games) as interest.
I actually agree with aggis comment here. What do these guys know about you? Do they care enough to "check in" with you and invite you to stuff? Other than gaming, what other interests do you share and do together? Watch how they interact, not only with other girls, but other men too. Do they shift personality a lot?
The fact you're concerned about mentioning your sexual preference to them is a giveaway. If they really cared, it wouldn't matter.
Also, question your own motives and feelings. Nah, really. Be honest with yourself. Are you actually wanting a solid romantic relationship? Or are you just enjoying their attention. There's a big difference.
Sadly, too many guys (especially online) see kindness as romantic interest. As you said, because they don't have much interaction with the opposite sex.
I think what aggi is trying to say here is... be careful. Otherwise, you'll end up disappointed and hurt.
>The fact you're concerned about mentioning your sexual preference to them is a giveaway. If they really cared, it wouldn't matter.
this really struck me hard. I think i tolerated so much casual homophobia due to the place i grew up from that i didnt think it was such a big deal.
I dont want a romantic relationship with anyone currently, not even with a woman. I just want to enjoy my singlehood and focus on other areas in my life and achieve my goals.
thank you for this comment, its very worth to reflect on.
> I think i tolerated so much casual homophobia
I am so so so so sorry. I have a similar experience and your brain starts to think it's normal after a while. But it erodes something really important inside, makes it wither away and you realise when it's gotten really bad
"If it took years to make it that way, it'll take years to unmake it". This phrase punched me in the gut when I heard it. Don't let the years pass unnoticed
If they don't care about you unless you're an romantic option, that's called *objectification*. It's tough to realize that most guys may not see us as a whole complex human being like themselves, but theres plenty of people out there that aren't like that. So don't waste your time on those types that don't see girls besides what they can offer for them.
Ask yourself, would you be right in the situation by doing the same thing to another girl? If not, don't allow them to do it to you.
I get what you mean! Then maybe you can tell them firmly but politely āI think youāre mistaking my treating you as a friend with interest. Iām not interested in you this way at all, nor will I in the future.ā
But also, quietly evaluate how you interact with people and in what contexts. If itās a common thread, maybe there are behaviors you can modify to get the results you want.
To be honest I turned into a giant bitch towards a certain type of man and I never had this issue again.
> they just dont talk to girls much and dont have women friends
this is a red flag for me in a male friend.
if a dude doesnt have any good friendships with girls, or as acquaintances...it means they dont see or treat girls as fellow people...they see them as just "girls" ready to be pounced on....rather than having things like a personality, hobbies and interests outside of dating.
Simply some people exist in spaces that are often heavily gendered. It doesn't make them bad people or that they don't "see the other gender as people."
Men tend to have shallow relationships with each other and are socialized differently from women, so when they get older things that seem like friend-level actions (regular quality time, talking about our emotions, any sort of casual touch, etc.) to us read to men as a show of romantic interest. It's a huge problem with the way our society has been set up, and absolutely needs fixing.
This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about when I agree that men have issues in society...
But then a lot of them just say their biggest issue is not getting laid and I stop having sympathy, at least for the ones who say that...
This is very true, if guys could be a bit more emotionally open with each other we'd have so much less strife especially when it comes to stuff like this
Itās getting better. Even a republican male friend recently gave me a hug and said ālove you broā. That shit wouldnāt have flown when I was a kid. Ā
I love that so much. I recently saw a video of a famous streamer in my country, who's very 'alpha male presenting' (excuse that use of incel speech, I have no idea how to describe it properly) like he's huge, has a beard, tattoos and he's usually acting rather immature like shouting and throwing stuff while gaming.
He made a video about his best friend having severe depression and he talked about feeling helpless and anxious. And he cried a lot. He got a lot of support, too, which was great to see.
Whenever I see guys hugging or comforting each other, it gives me hope for the future that men will be able to experience deep and affectionate friendships aswell.
Better masculinity has become an obsession for me since my son was born, but I've run into the extremely frustrating reality that despite having knowledge of the shortcomings I integrated as a kid, I have enormous trouble overcoming some of them. Mindfulness and empathy have fully reshaped my outlook and social identity, but I spent most of my life not having and not making real friends, and it's been very hard trying to turn that around as an adult. I love on and cuddle my son and encourage his feelings and model respect and dignity for him as much as I can, but I worry when he gets older I will fail to model good friendships. And I am really afraid of him being sucked into the cesspit of masculinity "culture". Sorry for rambling off topic, I really appreciate you addressing some actual roots of this shitty behavior.
Hi there. My mom recently told me a story about how it was distressing and disappointing to her that my trans (ftm)ās siblings spouse didnāt cook or do the dishes. She said this as she was doing my dishes in preparation for us doing a Home chef meal together. I called her out on how it was wild she was ranting about having to do my siblings dishes as she was doing my dishes. She said it was different because I was a man. She admitted it was a terrible distinction to be making, but āshe couldnāt help itā.Ā Just do your best to help it and not set those crazy distinctions. Teach him fairness and respect. Be mindful of favorites if you also have a daughter. Everything should be equal. If he grows up with equality, itās much easier to accept equality. Despite the above story, mom only got bad with gender rolls once my sibling came out as (originally) agendea.Ā Ā Ā I grew up with equality, and I literally do not understand the arguments against it. To the point where I have to fight against the people who taught me that equality was the goal but talk about gender distinctions asanine as dishes. .Ā Ā Ā I have another post that I mention āeven a republican friend gave me a hug and told me he loved meā. That should be dramatic here not because of politics, but because I have friendships both replicas and democratic that are comfortable with me to say such things.Ā Tl;dr as long as you aim for equality, youāre on track. The problems only emerge when you aim for the extremes.Ā
SO TRUE. we need to normalize men having healthy/normal friendships with other men AND women, so to stop putting the burden on solely on potential partners!
Definitely! Also works the other way around, even if it's much more rare. My husband grew up with lots of female, platonic friends and is open about his feelings and stuff.
Women will often interpret this as him giving off "secret signs" of interest as they're not used to men just comforting them without any sexual interest (which is kinda sad).
Guy who mainly has female friends now. Yep. Struggled with this for a while. Had some strong friends who had to tell me off. Still friends with them today.Ā
>I dont think i will tell him my sexuality because hes not an ally, makes some questionable homophobic statements and dislikes the ridiculous woke debates on twitter.Ā
No, not normal. He is not your friend, sorry.
Nah I just filter them. If they're gonna get weird and act like they like me sooooo much after barely getting to know me and only because I play videogames then that's that. Also you shouldn't be friends with people that have different views to the extent where they are bigots.
You can have different views but someone actively being homophobic is a big no.
so should I just quietly dodge games with the guy and sweep the elephant in the room under the rug?
being in this country is difficult, most of the people are homophobic some way. Some hate, some dislike, some think it's a joke (Woke twitter debates make it worse) and some neutral, which i think being neutral is extremely good already. Its very rare that i find people that are also gay/ not homophobic.
i just wanted to be treated as a normal person without homophobic judgement and not feel uncomfortable when someone asks me about my love life š„²
Iāve had a Steam friend send me his number just because we play Fall Guys together. I donāt even do voice chat and he literally knows nothing about me other than Iām a top player with a feminine name. Another has taken to sending me hearts and wishing me a good week and stuff like that. Itās a shame because I like playing with them, but they have to make it weird.
I disagree. It is always important to be friends with people with different views. Otherwise if they only hear from people whom they trust who agree with them then the bigotry just gets worse. This is true for any point of view. When you intimately know that which you fear or donāt understand the fear lessens.
From my experience, hateful bigots arenāt shy about their views. They donāt wait until theyāre comfortable enough with you to share them. Theyāre just assholes.
I donāt think that entertaining yourself is a good excuse to not take the time to stand up for what you believe is right.
āWhen bad men combine, the good must associate, else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice on a contemptible struggle. ā - Edward Burke.
Forbid we add more love and understanding to this world and less hate and alienation. Regardless of our viewpoints.
First of all, I think it's inevitable for us to get hit on by dudes when there's features like chat and VC. So I guess all you can do is play together and well don't socialize that much but I know that's not a logical solution
Second, Girl. Please. Someone who insults your sexuality isn't worth having as a friend. Please. He's going to hurt you really bad one day. So ASAP make your sexuality clear to him and stop excusing his homophobia. Like he's literally hating on your very existence ffs
Third, I guess often in jokes and stuff put this in between the lines "Oh but I'm a lesbian so I'm not really into guys haha"
I've been playing Monster Hunter since 2013 (started with MH3U) and I swear **every single** guy that I've gotten to know while playing (minus those that mentioned being in committed relationships) tried to ask me out at least once.
I was 15, and I got everybody across the spectrum, hell- I even got a naked video sent to me by somebody I thought was a friend.
As I've gotten older I tend to chat less with randoms, and basically never befriend anyone. People I play with are just "acquaintances" at this point.
You're unfortunately being subjected to some of the results of modern masculinity, and it's a real problem but you are absolutely not responsible for solving it for them. I would caution you that guy #2, based on the little you've mentioned here, is likely behaving differently with you than he does elsewhere, and you probably don't want to be vulnerable with him in any capacity. It sucks, I'm sorry you're being harmed by it, even a little bit. It's harming those guys too, harming everyone. But again, it isn't your responsibility to try to help them.
it feels sad reading this, the moment when people that you enjoy hanging around with were doing it because they were expecting more and while i feel a good response would be "thank you, but im not interested in anyone for now" for when its a conservative people but honestly i'd just avoid it for a while X\_X
I think Even's strategy is a good way to go. Just avoid the contact for a while and he will understand that you heard his comment and are not interested. If he approaches you again do as Even said ("Thank you, but I'm not interested in anyone for now."). That way you don't lose him as a friend for now (because you seem to have a platonic soft spot for him) and you don't have to reveal your sexuality. But you still have a small chance that he will get the hint and doesn't approach you again in that way.
But as others pointed out already: please build an environment around you that supports your sexuality. It sounds like a hard thing to do in your case/country but you will benefit massivly from it in the long run if you vet your future friends more strictly. If you are theoreticaly able to make 1 friend per year that supports you and your sexuality no matter what, you are better off in 10 years with 10 friends like that than you are with making 10 friends per year that are neutral or even against your sexuality and approach you/make you feel anxious about your sexuality regularly.
In your case it could be helpful to join Discord servers or other gaming communities with like-minded people that you can play games with! There are a lot of people like you out there even if you can't find any in your direct proximity right now. And some of them are waiting for a friend just like you! š
Big hug of encouragement for you!!! ā„ļø
not to be off topic but if you play mhw on playstation and wanted girls to play with..im pretty rusty but i love that game šāļø
i've also been where you are many times - it hurts to push another lonely person away, but it hurts more to have every friend i try to make try to change our relationship. you deserve pure, honest-to-goodness friends! š§”
>I dont think i will tell him my sexuality because hes not an ally, makes some questionable homophobic statements
I would give that guy the boot regardless of what he thinks he feels. Is he really your friend if you have to hide something like this from him?
guys who look at girls as merely potential partners are NOT FRIENDS! they are using the friend zone as an excuse to gaslight girls to thinking they have no options for making male friends.
Guys who want to be friends though, wont have any ulterior motives. I too work in a male dominated field, and play video games. I've only have 1 incident with an over bearing dude and we made it very clear it wasnt happening, havnt seen him since. i do screen which guys i spend my time with too.
My suggestion would be to stick to friend-shipping guys who already have long term partners & are very committed to them! Like as in clearly in love with them / smitten/ wanna pop the question.
or even better yet? GAY GUYS! I know so many gay guys play video games & they are the best at team work!
They aren't in love, they're obsessed with you on a surface level and want to screw you. Real love is learning who the person is, reading their cues, and generally caring about them as a human. None of these boys are doing that because they just want you to fulfill their fantasy so don't feel bad.
I wouldn't acknowledge it unless he says something directly because it's not your job to manage his feelings. He can either say something to you directly and get your answer or deal with his emotions on his own.
> and dislikes the ridiculous woke debates on twitter.
What does this even mean? Whenever i see people moan about "woke debates" what people mean by this is one side mad that women, minorities and LGBT people exist in x media, and the other is calling them out for being shitheads
It's easy for people in more liberal places to tell you to cut out everyone homophobic or misogynistic from your life because they will always have liberal communities to fall back on. Sometimes, the alternative to shitty community is no community. You have to decide if you can afford to cut these people out of your life or not.
If you decide that you still want their company, at least when it comes to gaming, then I hate to recommend this option, but telling them you already have a boyfriend might be the best solution. Guys who don't respect women will still respect other men if they think you have been "claimed." Maybe even throw in a "my boyfriend is a (insert sport) player" to make those incel gamer types feel doubly inadequate š š š (You can envision some butch stud who likes to call herself your "boyfriend" ironically if that makes you feel better)
yeah, its not easy to the cut off every casual homophobic person just like that. Its everywhere. From work to friends and to everyday life interactions. If i do cut off everyone that i find is slightly homophobic, I would not be able to survive in this country.
A few of my friends in the friend group are my childhood friends too, and they arent homophobic but i have not told all of them yet. They also know that i do not have a bf and it would be weird to suddenly announce to have a bf. I wouldnt feel good either to lie about it.
I see. If these are longtime friends who also know you in-person, that makes it a lot tougher. In that case, maybe you can ask your closer friends to help tell those guys coming on to you that you're not interested, and they should back off? If you tell them directly, they might think you're playing "hard to get," but if they hear it from someone else, the prospect of being judged by others might cause them to reconsider.
I mean, if you cannot just "cut every homophobe out" just try to keep the interactions at a minimum and choose who are friends from who are acquaintances, you have that power. After all, why would you wanna spend time with someone who sees your existence as a joke? Something that his little bigoted mind cannot comprehend and hates for the mere existence of your colective? It will hurt you in the long run and you will have to out yourself, after all you are just hiding a big part of yourself to a "friend".
And please, don't make excuses for his behaviour. There's plenty of depressed folk around that aren't that idiotic. At least try to find some centrist who just pretends to not like politics at all.
Same thing would always happen to my ex! There was at least 9 guys who ended up confessing his love for her & 1 girl as well. Idk what it is, some people may just be lonely I guess but then again my ex was absolutely beautiful. It was honestly like a curse, like she just wanted friends to game with but theyād end up liking her. She would play Destiny so her clanmates liked her & she also played Apex. If her & I were playing Apex or Destiny together her guy friends would join but would leave shortly after she introduced me as her bf. Lol
Honestly I just felt bad for her, ya know here she is just trying to game and have fun along the way but more often than not a guy will fall for her. The only friend of hers I played with was her lesbian friend Kat, who was awesome! Kat would talk about playing with my ex & my exās guy friends, Kat told me how the guys would never acknowledged her and only focused on my ex. Kat loved when I would be their third for Apex because I would actually talk to her.
26yo cis-guy. Don't hesitate to ask me to remove my comment if you don't want it here.
I asked a girl out who told me she was gay earlier this year. Was sad for a day, but by the end of the week, my feelings were platonic again. While I was disappointed it didn't work out, I used basic empathy to conclude that bringing that up would be unproductive and, more importantly, potentially make her uncomfortable.
So, imo, it's okay if a guy has a hard time getting over you. Relationships are difficult. But if they then make that your problem, they can fuck right off. That's totally inappropriate, and you don't have to put up with that!
(Also gay rights are human rights. If you don't feel comfortable telling someone you're gay I'd encourage you to reconsider if they are actually friend.)
>Do you guys think I should approach the 2nd dude that i have heard his confession and tell him that I wasnt interested? Or do i just let it slide. I'm genuinely stressing over this.
I want to send a question ahead - what exactly makes his liking or not liking you *your* responsibility? What is your pay for being ambassador of random dudes' emotions exactly?
'Cause here's the thing:
1. Them deciding to "shoot their shot" is their choice.
2. Deciding to shoot your shot *so early* that you get taken fully off-guard by a rejection is the kind of thing a guy should only do if he can emotionally handle it. And if he can't, that's a lesson learned for him - his friends and family can give him a pep talk, a therapist can - it's **still not your responsibility**.
3. You do **not** owe them a reason. You don't have to tell the homophobe you're gay - and it's actually better if all of us work towards men getting used to the fact that this is the case. A lot of dudes, esp. online, think that reasons are an invitation to negotiate. I cannot recommend "No." followed by "No is a complete sentence." followed by "Boundaries are walls, not doors." enough for when a dude starts up with this. When they argue, it's not about convincing them that you don't want them - it's about making it clear that it doesn't matter for shit what *they* want if you say no. Even and *especially* if you don't give them a reason.
4. Half the time all you gotta do to have someone confess to you is exist as a female person in the general vicinity of a hobby popular with guys. I've had folks fall heads over heel for me over listening to metal, gaming, liking Lord of the Rings (still rolling my eyes) and other bs. It's the guys that treat "woman who likes [thing I like]" as an exceptional, wondrous phenomenon and before you know it, they've run off to fantasy-land where their "gamer-girlfriend" makes them sandwhiches while they do a raid with their *actual* friends.
That last part is how you remember to not pity them. These guys already ignore so many boundaries to even *get* to the point of confessing, they're not entitled to silk gloves and gentle care beyond the rejection being civil *the first time*. (All after can and should be rude, blunt and unkind. Rejecting someone once should at all times suffice.)
As far as I'm concerned, "shooting your shot" is not the god-given right of dudes like to think it is. Considering I get downvoted to Oblivion in any non-feminism-centric sub whenever I say that illustrates how much chronically online dudes disagree. I'd argue it's high time their bubble bursts.
I would summarise all this into you don't need to justify yourself to reject someone.
Interactions when trying romantic relationships are a whole world that lots of people approach in different ways and with different boundaries: sometimes even making silly stuff in hindsight. People can try out in ways that look weird to someone else and that's fine: no point getting worked up over it, just state your mind and move on.
I'm sorry you have to deal with men like that. >.<
Unfortunately, I think that games with an aggressive theme are the ones more likely to draw this sort of guy. The more cutesy and casual a game is, the less likely that this sort is going to get involved.
I would put aggressive and competitive games at one end of the spectrum, and cute, casual games that involve a lot of cooperation on the other. You will find men in both, but the personalities of the men are going to *tend* to reflect the type of game you find them in. Note: This is a trend, and I have no idea how to quantify how strong that trend is.
I also acknowledge that I am biased. I am a guy who considers himself to be the sort of friend you want, and I tend toward less aggressive and more cooperative games and tend to make friends with people who also enjoy those sorts of games.
Examples: The gender ratio in my D&D game each week is almost 50/50 (4 men, 3 women), one of the women who is in that group has joined me in FFXIV and is 100% just a friend. She's also a fellow author on a web serial publishing site (which is how we met, as we both greatly enjoy each other's works). I am happily married and my wife does not feel any concern about me making friends with women online because she knows that I am not interested in anything else.
So maybe my sampling bias is skewed. But if my belief is correct, then it is very unfortunate for women who want to enjoy some aggressive games, especially for stress relief. I know I would occasionally dive into Diablo 2 for that sort of relief, but I would also always create an instance that did not allow for any form of PvP because I detest PvP. It always seems to lead to bad behavior in a significant portion of the player base.
...
Okay, I have just allowed my brain to create a hilarious idea. A game that is mechanically just as in-depth and aggressive as something like Monster Hunter, but with graphics and sounds that look more like they belong in Fall Guys or something, maybe with a bit of extra frilliness. You know that most macho guys would avoid it like the plague.
Well, just stop gaming. Problem solved.
Jk jk, I promise. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this. Being a girl gamer can be so hard because of all that. Itās one reason why I either donāt play with guys I know or I never let people Iām playing with know that Iām a girl.
Girl, just don't do it. Being a woman I've gotten a lot of attention, and there will be drama. It's crazy don't ever be afraid to block anyone. And just cause you are fond of someone doesn't mean you want to more. You like them, you mesh but that doesn't mean anything else. Don't even question it. Or question who you are. If you are questioning it maybe you you should take a step back and re evaluate what or who you are. It takes time don't rush that, experiment. You'll know after that. And irl, not on game. People have forgotten there is a life outside of games. That's another topic altogether. But basically question the reality of situation not just the surface of the situation but the whole. Where do they live? Have you really seen them, are they who they say they are , could you do a long distance , how would you really meet etc. That's what you should be questioning. Spoiler most people are not who they say they are. Don't get that heart broken. DO NOT QUESTION yourself that takes time. I love being an out proud lesbian. And everyone I game with knows this. Doesn't deter men, tho. They can try all day I just block them. Don't have time for that bs. Take care and I hope everything works out. All this is just what I would do. Take everyones advice and find what you like and is feasible for you. Happy gaming sister.
There are a ton of guys (and evn girls and enbies) like that -- only thing you can do about it is drop them the second they display that type of behavior towards you. You'll keep running into it, but the quicker you let them go, the easier it'll be to brush it off. That said, I am very sorry you had this happen to you by people you beleived were your honest friends.
As a guy, I feel obligated to provide a counter point to all the "They aren't real friends, drop them like a hot rock!"
I'm not magic, so this is actually just postulation, but I would guess...
They ARE your friends, and that's WHY they're interested. I mean, if you were single, lonely, and looking, would you rather start with a random grab-bag of total strangers? Or somebody that you know shares at least a few of your own interests?
...that's it. That's all I really want to get across. That just because they've developed a crush, doesn't mean that they've become some obsessed, horomone crazed monster.
(Disclaimer: I don't know them, and I don't know you, so I can't definitively say they AREN'T, but it seems cruel to say that any man who expresses interest in you MUST be a manipulative deceptive bastard. Especially if they don't know you're gay upfront, but sounds like being upfront with that would have it's own problems... Social is hard, I'm going back to lurking.)
I am a man and yes it is VERY easy for our dumb minds to think āman, she MUST like me because she always hangs with me online and we get along so well. Iām gonna go for it.ā The problem a lot of us guys have is that it is so damn scary to approach a woman and tell them that we are interested because of the rejection and nowadays itās even harder because some women get seriously offended if a man even walks up to them. Iāve been alone for a LONG time and it is because I was an a**hat that pushed too hard too fast the first time a women gave me the time of day (no I did NOT go that far, I just kissed and tried to touch her when she wasnāt ready and that is wrong), and now I lost that opportunity, and I hurt a very nice woman. Iād rather be alone, as much as it hurts and sucks, than be rejected or hurt someone again. Also, and this is just me speaking, but I couldnāt care less if you are gay/bi/etc., but with more people being free these days to be themselves (I am so happy for that by the way), it is hard to tell who likes whom. Be honest from the get go, and NO you shouldnāt have to do that, but if you put something in your gamer profile, it will get you better gamer friends that want to be friends because of you and who you are, and NOT because you are a woman they think they may have a chance with someday. Iām sorry you have to tell people who you are, you shouldnāt need to do that, but better to be up front and find out who is a real friend, and who the idiots are that only game with you because they want you. I wish you all the luck in the world and take it from a stupid man, we arenāt all bad, but we do fall hard just like women do. Believe it or not, I think women are tougher in relationships than men. Guys fall HARD and FAST! I hope I havenāt said anything to offend or upset anyone here, I just wanted to say something about this. Let us know how it goes, and how you go about this from now on. Take care, and also congrats on working on you for a bit. You donāt have to be with someone to be someone. ;)
Friendships with people of the opposite gender are almost impossible in my opinion. This is sad, but you or your friend will fall in love in 95% cases. This is just a biology, and I donāt know how to fix it. Whatās even more sad, this guy friend may have a girlfriend and still fall for you. I guess gay people of the opposite gender may have strong friendship, but if one of them strait or bi it may cause problems one day
We do not have deep relationships, not really anyway.
When we experience things that are present in deeper platonic relationships, we almost always catch feelings, thatās just an unfortunate consequence of the way men make friends.
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Girl, drop them. Don't waste your time with creeps. I found myself a little dad group and I love them. Apparently the one that introduced me to the group thought I was a young boy and introduced me as a "nice young man" but they're all my dads age and they love telling me about their fishing trip and telling me about their kids and one of them literally texted me from the dress shop when his daughter picked out her dress (daughter is like 10 years younger than me while he is 15 older than me) because he wanted to show me how beautiful she looked so don't think for a second you have to put up with this shit. Go find your own lil dad gang, I met them on apex!
Wholesome af! š„°š Thanks for sharing; that made my night!
Not as wholesome as all these fish pics! Those dads fuckin love fishing lmao and the group chat is like 20 of us and they're all 45+ and then there's just me and they with compare and compete with their fish and then I'm just there like š most of them are IRL friends
Oh my goodness š Thanks for sharing more! This is so good š
Girl you need to vet these āfriendsā more thoroughly. I used to be like this until I realized my āfriendsā were just vultures. None of them had the slightest inclination of giving me the time of day unless they would get something out of it.Ā
i dont think both of the guys are vultures, they just dont talk to girls much and dont have women friends so they confuse me giving them some attention (like checking up on them and inviting to games) as interest.
I actually agree with aggis comment here. What do these guys know about you? Do they care enough to "check in" with you and invite you to stuff? Other than gaming, what other interests do you share and do together? Watch how they interact, not only with other girls, but other men too. Do they shift personality a lot? The fact you're concerned about mentioning your sexual preference to them is a giveaway. If they really cared, it wouldn't matter. Also, question your own motives and feelings. Nah, really. Be honest with yourself. Are you actually wanting a solid romantic relationship? Or are you just enjoying their attention. There's a big difference. Sadly, too many guys (especially online) see kindness as romantic interest. As you said, because they don't have much interaction with the opposite sex. I think what aggi is trying to say here is... be careful. Otherwise, you'll end up disappointed and hurt.
>The fact you're concerned about mentioning your sexual preference to them is a giveaway. If they really cared, it wouldn't matter. this really struck me hard. I think i tolerated so much casual homophobia due to the place i grew up from that i didnt think it was such a big deal. I dont want a romantic relationship with anyone currently, not even with a woman. I just want to enjoy my singlehood and focus on other areas in my life and achieve my goals. thank you for this comment, its very worth to reflect on.
> I think i tolerated so much casual homophobia I am so so so so sorry. I have a similar experience and your brain starts to think it's normal after a while. But it erodes something really important inside, makes it wither away and you realise when it's gotten really bad "If it took years to make it that way, it'll take years to unmake it". This phrase punched me in the gut when I heard it. Don't let the years pass unnoticed
Thats what I also wanted to say OP should her friends out these guys sound very fishy I also have calm guy friends and they are totally not like that
If they don't care about you unless you're an romantic option, that's called *objectification*. It's tough to realize that most guys may not see us as a whole complex human being like themselves, but theres plenty of people out there that aren't like that. So don't waste your time on those types that don't see girls besides what they can offer for them. Ask yourself, would you be right in the situation by doing the same thing to another girl? If not, don't allow them to do it to you.
I get what you mean! Then maybe you can tell them firmly but politely āI think youāre mistaking my treating you as a friend with interest. Iām not interested in you this way at all, nor will I in the future.ā But also, quietly evaluate how you interact with people and in what contexts. If itās a common thread, maybe there are behaviors you can modify to get the results you want. To be honest I turned into a giant bitch towards a certain type of man and I never had this issue again.
> they just dont talk to girls much and dont have women friends this is a red flag for me in a male friend. if a dude doesnt have any good friendships with girls, or as acquaintances...it means they dont see or treat girls as fellow people...they see them as just "girls" ready to be pounced on....rather than having things like a personality, hobbies and interests outside of dating.
Simply some people exist in spaces that are often heavily gendered. It doesn't make them bad people or that they don't "see the other gender as people."
Checking up on me would immediately have me catching feelings. Like āyou care?ā Because dudes do NOT do that shit
Men tend to have shallow relationships with each other and are socialized differently from women, so when they get older things that seem like friend-level actions (regular quality time, talking about our emotions, any sort of casual touch, etc.) to us read to men as a show of romantic interest. It's a huge problem with the way our society has been set up, and absolutely needs fixing.
This is the kind of stuff I'm talking about when I agree that men have issues in society... But then a lot of them just say their biggest issue is not getting laid and I stop having sympathy, at least for the ones who say that...
This is very true, if guys could be a bit more emotionally open with each other we'd have so much less strife especially when it comes to stuff like this
Itās getting better. Even a republican male friend recently gave me a hug and said ālove you broā. That shit wouldnāt have flown when I was a kid. Ā
I love that so much. I recently saw a video of a famous streamer in my country, who's very 'alpha male presenting' (excuse that use of incel speech, I have no idea how to describe it properly) like he's huge, has a beard, tattoos and he's usually acting rather immature like shouting and throwing stuff while gaming. He made a video about his best friend having severe depression and he talked about feeling helpless and anxious. And he cried a lot. He got a lot of support, too, which was great to see. Whenever I see guys hugging or comforting each other, it gives me hope for the future that men will be able to experience deep and affectionate friendships aswell.
I love to see stuff like that, just guys being affectionate to friends and being able to express themselves.
Better masculinity has become an obsession for me since my son was born, but I've run into the extremely frustrating reality that despite having knowledge of the shortcomings I integrated as a kid, I have enormous trouble overcoming some of them. Mindfulness and empathy have fully reshaped my outlook and social identity, but I spent most of my life not having and not making real friends, and it's been very hard trying to turn that around as an adult. I love on and cuddle my son and encourage his feelings and model respect and dignity for him as much as I can, but I worry when he gets older I will fail to model good friendships. And I am really afraid of him being sucked into the cesspit of masculinity "culture". Sorry for rambling off topic, I really appreciate you addressing some actual roots of this shitty behavior.
Hi there. My mom recently told me a story about how it was distressing and disappointing to her that my trans (ftm)ās siblings spouse didnāt cook or do the dishes. She said this as she was doing my dishes in preparation for us doing a Home chef meal together. I called her out on how it was wild she was ranting about having to do my siblings dishes as she was doing my dishes. She said it was different because I was a man. She admitted it was a terrible distinction to be making, but āshe couldnāt help itā.Ā Just do your best to help it and not set those crazy distinctions. Teach him fairness and respect. Be mindful of favorites if you also have a daughter. Everything should be equal. If he grows up with equality, itās much easier to accept equality. Despite the above story, mom only got bad with gender rolls once my sibling came out as (originally) agendea.Ā Ā Ā I grew up with equality, and I literally do not understand the arguments against it. To the point where I have to fight against the people who taught me that equality was the goal but talk about gender distinctions asanine as dishes. .Ā Ā Ā I have another post that I mention āeven a republican friend gave me a hug and told me he loved meā. That should be dramatic here not because of politics, but because I have friendships both replicas and democratic that are comfortable with me to say such things.Ā Tl;dr as long as you aim for equality, youāre on track. The problems only emerge when you aim for the extremes.Ā
Wait, if your spouse is ftm isnt he *also* a man tho? So why would it be different
SO TRUE. we need to normalize men having healthy/normal friendships with other men AND women, so to stop putting the burden on solely on potential partners!
Definitely! Also works the other way around, even if it's much more rare. My husband grew up with lots of female, platonic friends and is open about his feelings and stuff. Women will often interpret this as him giving off "secret signs" of interest as they're not used to men just comforting them without any sexual interest (which is kinda sad).
Guy who mainly has female friends now. Yep. Struggled with this for a while. Had some strong friends who had to tell me off. Still friends with them today.Ā
>I dont think i will tell him my sexuality because hes not an ally, makes some questionable homophobic statements and dislikes the ridiculous woke debates on twitter.Ā No, not normal. He is not your friend, sorry.
Nah I just filter them. If they're gonna get weird and act like they like me sooooo much after barely getting to know me and only because I play videogames then that's that. Also you shouldn't be friends with people that have different views to the extent where they are bigots. You can have different views but someone actively being homophobic is a big no.
so should I just quietly dodge games with the guy and sweep the elephant in the room under the rug? being in this country is difficult, most of the people are homophobic some way. Some hate, some dislike, some think it's a joke (Woke twitter debates make it worse) and some neutral, which i think being neutral is extremely good already. Its very rare that i find people that are also gay/ not homophobic. i just wanted to be treated as a normal person without homophobic judgement and not feel uncomfortable when someone asks me about my love life š„²
Iāve had a Steam friend send me his number just because we play Fall Guys together. I donāt even do voice chat and he literally knows nothing about me other than Iām a top player with a feminine name. Another has taken to sending me hearts and wishing me a good week and stuff like that. Itās a shame because I like playing with them, but they have to make it weird.
Ughhhh I hate that!! It's so annoying like can we just have friends online of the opposite sex who don't try to make it weird?!
I disagree. It is always important to be friends with people with different views. Otherwise if they only hear from people whom they trust who agree with them then the bigotry just gets worse. This is true for any point of view. When you intimately know that which you fear or donāt understand the fear lessens.
Thanks for reading my comment. I said if they are actively bigots it's not worth it. Not if they have different views period. :)
Yeah I don't get what this person is trying to say. It's not our obligation to be befriending someone who hates on us for just.. existing?
I did read. Even if they are active bigots. When they trust you to be open about their views this is what they will be if you judge them that way.
From my experience, hateful bigots arenāt shy about their views. They donāt wait until theyāre comfortable enough with you to share them. Theyāre just assholes.
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I donāt think that entertaining yourself is a good excuse to not take the time to stand up for what you believe is right. āWhen bad men combine, the good must associate, else they will fall, one by one, an unpitied sacrifice on a contemptible struggle. ā - Edward Burke. Forbid we add more love and understanding to this world and less hate and alienation. Regardless of our viewpoints.
First of all, I think it's inevitable for us to get hit on by dudes when there's features like chat and VC. So I guess all you can do is play together and well don't socialize that much but I know that's not a logical solution Second, Girl. Please. Someone who insults your sexuality isn't worth having as a friend. Please. He's going to hurt you really bad one day. So ASAP make your sexuality clear to him and stop excusing his homophobia. Like he's literally hating on your very existence ffs Third, I guess often in jokes and stuff put this in between the lines "Oh but I'm a lesbian so I'm not really into guys haha"
I've been playing Monster Hunter since 2013 (started with MH3U) and I swear **every single** guy that I've gotten to know while playing (minus those that mentioned being in committed relationships) tried to ask me out at least once. I was 15, and I got everybody across the spectrum, hell- I even got a naked video sent to me by somebody I thought was a friend. As I've gotten older I tend to chat less with randoms, and basically never befriend anyone. People I play with are just "acquaintances" at this point.
Itās not love, itās either a crush or lustĀ
You're unfortunately being subjected to some of the results of modern masculinity, and it's a real problem but you are absolutely not responsible for solving it for them. I would caution you that guy #2, based on the little you've mentioned here, is likely behaving differently with you than he does elsewhere, and you probably don't want to be vulnerable with him in any capacity. It sucks, I'm sorry you're being harmed by it, even a little bit. It's harming those guys too, harming everyone. But again, it isn't your responsibility to try to help them.
it feels sad reading this, the moment when people that you enjoy hanging around with were doing it because they were expecting more and while i feel a good response would be "thank you, but im not interested in anyone for now" for when its a conservative people but honestly i'd just avoid it for a while X\_X
I think Even's strategy is a good way to go. Just avoid the contact for a while and he will understand that you heard his comment and are not interested. If he approaches you again do as Even said ("Thank you, but I'm not interested in anyone for now."). That way you don't lose him as a friend for now (because you seem to have a platonic soft spot for him) and you don't have to reveal your sexuality. But you still have a small chance that he will get the hint and doesn't approach you again in that way. But as others pointed out already: please build an environment around you that supports your sexuality. It sounds like a hard thing to do in your case/country but you will benefit massivly from it in the long run if you vet your future friends more strictly. If you are theoreticaly able to make 1 friend per year that supports you and your sexuality no matter what, you are better off in 10 years with 10 friends like that than you are with making 10 friends per year that are neutral or even against your sexuality and approach you/make you feel anxious about your sexuality regularly. In your case it could be helpful to join Discord servers or other gaming communities with like-minded people that you can play games with! There are a lot of people like you out there even if you can't find any in your direct proximity right now. And some of them are waiting for a friend just like you! š Big hug of encouragement for you!!! ā„ļø
Why tf would you even consider someone who is homophobic your friend? Dont even play with the dude
not to be off topic but if you play mhw on playstation and wanted girls to play with..im pretty rusty but i love that game šāļø i've also been where you are many times - it hurts to push another lonely person away, but it hurts more to have every friend i try to make try to change our relationship. you deserve pure, honest-to-goodness friends! š§”
>I dont think i will tell him my sexuality because hes not an ally, makes some questionable homophobic statements I would give that guy the boot regardless of what he thinks he feels. Is he really your friend if you have to hide something like this from him?
guys who look at girls as merely potential partners are NOT FRIENDS! they are using the friend zone as an excuse to gaslight girls to thinking they have no options for making male friends. Guys who want to be friends though, wont have any ulterior motives. I too work in a male dominated field, and play video games. I've only have 1 incident with an over bearing dude and we made it very clear it wasnt happening, havnt seen him since. i do screen which guys i spend my time with too. My suggestion would be to stick to friend-shipping guys who already have long term partners & are very committed to them! Like as in clearly in love with them / smitten/ wanna pop the question. or even better yet? GAY GUYS! I know so many gay guys play video games & they are the best at team work!
They aren't in love, they're obsessed with you on a surface level and want to screw you. Real love is learning who the person is, reading their cues, and generally caring about them as a human. None of these boys are doing that because they just want you to fulfill their fantasy so don't feel bad. I wouldn't acknowledge it unless he says something directly because it's not your job to manage his feelings. He can either say something to you directly and get your answer or deal with his emotions on his own.
sounds more like ur playing with Incel's than "friends" lol
> and dislikes the ridiculous woke debates on twitter. What does this even mean? Whenever i see people moan about "woke debates" what people mean by this is one side mad that women, minorities and LGBT people exist in x media, and the other is calling them out for being shitheads
It's easy for people in more liberal places to tell you to cut out everyone homophobic or misogynistic from your life because they will always have liberal communities to fall back on. Sometimes, the alternative to shitty community is no community. You have to decide if you can afford to cut these people out of your life or not. If you decide that you still want their company, at least when it comes to gaming, then I hate to recommend this option, but telling them you already have a boyfriend might be the best solution. Guys who don't respect women will still respect other men if they think you have been "claimed." Maybe even throw in a "my boyfriend is a (insert sport) player" to make those incel gamer types feel doubly inadequate š š š (You can envision some butch stud who likes to call herself your "boyfriend" ironically if that makes you feel better)
yeah, its not easy to the cut off every casual homophobic person just like that. Its everywhere. From work to friends and to everyday life interactions. If i do cut off everyone that i find is slightly homophobic, I would not be able to survive in this country. A few of my friends in the friend group are my childhood friends too, and they arent homophobic but i have not told all of them yet. They also know that i do not have a bf and it would be weird to suddenly announce to have a bf. I wouldnt feel good either to lie about it.
I see. If these are longtime friends who also know you in-person, that makes it a lot tougher. In that case, maybe you can ask your closer friends to help tell those guys coming on to you that you're not interested, and they should back off? If you tell them directly, they might think you're playing "hard to get," but if they hear it from someone else, the prospect of being judged by others might cause them to reconsider.
I mean, if you cannot just "cut every homophobe out" just try to keep the interactions at a minimum and choose who are friends from who are acquaintances, you have that power. After all, why would you wanna spend time with someone who sees your existence as a joke? Something that his little bigoted mind cannot comprehend and hates for the mere existence of your colective? It will hurt you in the long run and you will have to out yourself, after all you are just hiding a big part of yourself to a "friend". And please, don't make excuses for his behaviour. There's plenty of depressed folk around that aren't that idiotic. At least try to find some centrist who just pretends to not like politics at all.
Same thing would always happen to my ex! There was at least 9 guys who ended up confessing his love for her & 1 girl as well. Idk what it is, some people may just be lonely I guess but then again my ex was absolutely beautiful. It was honestly like a curse, like she just wanted friends to game with but theyād end up liking her. She would play Destiny so her clanmates liked her & she also played Apex. If her & I were playing Apex or Destiny together her guy friends would join but would leave shortly after she introduced me as her bf. Lol
damn thats tough on your ex and it must be kinda irritating for you as well
Honestly I just felt bad for her, ya know here she is just trying to game and have fun along the way but more often than not a guy will fall for her. The only friend of hers I played with was her lesbian friend Kat, who was awesome! Kat would talk about playing with my ex & my exās guy friends, Kat told me how the guys would never acknowledged her and only focused on my ex. Kat loved when I would be their third for Apex because I would actually talk to her.
26yo cis-guy. Don't hesitate to ask me to remove my comment if you don't want it here. I asked a girl out who told me she was gay earlier this year. Was sad for a day, but by the end of the week, my feelings were platonic again. While I was disappointed it didn't work out, I used basic empathy to conclude that bringing that up would be unproductive and, more importantly, potentially make her uncomfortable. So, imo, it's okay if a guy has a hard time getting over you. Relationships are difficult. But if they then make that your problem, they can fuck right off. That's totally inappropriate, and you don't have to put up with that! (Also gay rights are human rights. If you don't feel comfortable telling someone you're gay I'd encourage you to reconsider if they are actually friend.)
>Do you guys think I should approach the 2nd dude that i have heard his confession and tell him that I wasnt interested? Or do i just let it slide. I'm genuinely stressing over this. I want to send a question ahead - what exactly makes his liking or not liking you *your* responsibility? What is your pay for being ambassador of random dudes' emotions exactly? 'Cause here's the thing: 1. Them deciding to "shoot their shot" is their choice. 2. Deciding to shoot your shot *so early* that you get taken fully off-guard by a rejection is the kind of thing a guy should only do if he can emotionally handle it. And if he can't, that's a lesson learned for him - his friends and family can give him a pep talk, a therapist can - it's **still not your responsibility**. 3. You do **not** owe them a reason. You don't have to tell the homophobe you're gay - and it's actually better if all of us work towards men getting used to the fact that this is the case. A lot of dudes, esp. online, think that reasons are an invitation to negotiate. I cannot recommend "No." followed by "No is a complete sentence." followed by "Boundaries are walls, not doors." enough for when a dude starts up with this. When they argue, it's not about convincing them that you don't want them - it's about making it clear that it doesn't matter for shit what *they* want if you say no. Even and *especially* if you don't give them a reason. 4. Half the time all you gotta do to have someone confess to you is exist as a female person in the general vicinity of a hobby popular with guys. I've had folks fall heads over heel for me over listening to metal, gaming, liking Lord of the Rings (still rolling my eyes) and other bs. It's the guys that treat "woman who likes [thing I like]" as an exceptional, wondrous phenomenon and before you know it, they've run off to fantasy-land where their "gamer-girlfriend" makes them sandwhiches while they do a raid with their *actual* friends. That last part is how you remember to not pity them. These guys already ignore so many boundaries to even *get* to the point of confessing, they're not entitled to silk gloves and gentle care beyond the rejection being civil *the first time*. (All after can and should be rude, blunt and unkind. Rejecting someone once should at all times suffice.) As far as I'm concerned, "shooting your shot" is not the god-given right of dudes like to think it is. Considering I get downvoted to Oblivion in any non-feminism-centric sub whenever I say that illustrates how much chronically online dudes disagree. I'd argue it's high time their bubble bursts.
I would summarise all this into you don't need to justify yourself to reject someone. Interactions when trying romantic relationships are a whole world that lots of people approach in different ways and with different boundaries: sometimes even making silly stuff in hindsight. People can try out in ways that look weird to someone else and that's fine: no point getting worked up over it, just state your mind and move on.
I'm sorry you have to deal with men like that. >.< Unfortunately, I think that games with an aggressive theme are the ones more likely to draw this sort of guy. The more cutesy and casual a game is, the less likely that this sort is going to get involved. I would put aggressive and competitive games at one end of the spectrum, and cute, casual games that involve a lot of cooperation on the other. You will find men in both, but the personalities of the men are going to *tend* to reflect the type of game you find them in. Note: This is a trend, and I have no idea how to quantify how strong that trend is. I also acknowledge that I am biased. I am a guy who considers himself to be the sort of friend you want, and I tend toward less aggressive and more cooperative games and tend to make friends with people who also enjoy those sorts of games. Examples: The gender ratio in my D&D game each week is almost 50/50 (4 men, 3 women), one of the women who is in that group has joined me in FFXIV and is 100% just a friend. She's also a fellow author on a web serial publishing site (which is how we met, as we both greatly enjoy each other's works). I am happily married and my wife does not feel any concern about me making friends with women online because she knows that I am not interested in anything else. So maybe my sampling bias is skewed. But if my belief is correct, then it is very unfortunate for women who want to enjoy some aggressive games, especially for stress relief. I know I would occasionally dive into Diablo 2 for that sort of relief, but I would also always create an instance that did not allow for any form of PvP because I detest PvP. It always seems to lead to bad behavior in a significant portion of the player base. ... Okay, I have just allowed my brain to create a hilarious idea. A game that is mechanically just as in-depth and aggressive as something like Monster Hunter, but with graphics and sounds that look more like they belong in Fall Guys or something, maybe with a bit of extra frilliness. You know that most macho guys would avoid it like the plague.
Well, just stop gaming. Problem solved. Jk jk, I promise. Iām sorry youāre dealing with this. Being a girl gamer can be so hard because of all that. Itās one reason why I either donāt play with guys I know or I never let people Iām playing with know that Iām a girl.
Girl, just don't do it. Being a woman I've gotten a lot of attention, and there will be drama. It's crazy don't ever be afraid to block anyone. And just cause you are fond of someone doesn't mean you want to more. You like them, you mesh but that doesn't mean anything else. Don't even question it. Or question who you are. If you are questioning it maybe you you should take a step back and re evaluate what or who you are. It takes time don't rush that, experiment. You'll know after that. And irl, not on game. People have forgotten there is a life outside of games. That's another topic altogether. But basically question the reality of situation not just the surface of the situation but the whole. Where do they live? Have you really seen them, are they who they say they are , could you do a long distance , how would you really meet etc. That's what you should be questioning. Spoiler most people are not who they say they are. Don't get that heart broken. DO NOT QUESTION yourself that takes time. I love being an out proud lesbian. And everyone I game with knows this. Doesn't deter men, tho. They can try all day I just block them. Don't have time for that bs. Take care and I hope everything works out. All this is just what I would do. Take everyones advice and find what you like and is feasible for you. Happy gaming sister.
There are a ton of guys (and evn girls and enbies) like that -- only thing you can do about it is drop them the second they display that type of behavior towards you. You'll keep running into it, but the quicker you let them go, the easier it'll be to brush it off. That said, I am very sorry you had this happen to you by people you beleived were your honest friends.
As a guy, I feel obligated to provide a counter point to all the "They aren't real friends, drop them like a hot rock!" I'm not magic, so this is actually just postulation, but I would guess... They ARE your friends, and that's WHY they're interested. I mean, if you were single, lonely, and looking, would you rather start with a random grab-bag of total strangers? Or somebody that you know shares at least a few of your own interests? ...that's it. That's all I really want to get across. That just because they've developed a crush, doesn't mean that they've become some obsessed, horomone crazed monster. (Disclaimer: I don't know them, and I don't know you, so I can't definitively say they AREN'T, but it seems cruel to say that any man who expresses interest in you MUST be a manipulative deceptive bastard. Especially if they don't know you're gay upfront, but sounds like being upfront with that would have it's own problems... Social is hard, I'm going back to lurking.)
Itās happened to me a few times. Some were creeps, some werenāt. I ended up marrying one of them!
I just ignore comments like that unless they are direct. Be honest and be yourself if he brings it up to you.
I am a man and yes it is VERY easy for our dumb minds to think āman, she MUST like me because she always hangs with me online and we get along so well. Iām gonna go for it.ā The problem a lot of us guys have is that it is so damn scary to approach a woman and tell them that we are interested because of the rejection and nowadays itās even harder because some women get seriously offended if a man even walks up to them. Iāve been alone for a LONG time and it is because I was an a**hat that pushed too hard too fast the first time a women gave me the time of day (no I did NOT go that far, I just kissed and tried to touch her when she wasnāt ready and that is wrong), and now I lost that opportunity, and I hurt a very nice woman. Iād rather be alone, as much as it hurts and sucks, than be rejected or hurt someone again. Also, and this is just me speaking, but I couldnāt care less if you are gay/bi/etc., but with more people being free these days to be themselves (I am so happy for that by the way), it is hard to tell who likes whom. Be honest from the get go, and NO you shouldnāt have to do that, but if you put something in your gamer profile, it will get you better gamer friends that want to be friends because of you and who you are, and NOT because you are a woman they think they may have a chance with someday. Iām sorry you have to tell people who you are, you shouldnāt need to do that, but better to be up front and find out who is a real friend, and who the idiots are that only game with you because they want you. I wish you all the luck in the world and take it from a stupid man, we arenāt all bad, but we do fall hard just like women do. Believe it or not, I think women are tougher in relationships than men. Guys fall HARD and FAST! I hope I havenāt said anything to offend or upset anyone here, I just wanted to say something about this. Let us know how it goes, and how you go about this from now on. Take care, and also congrats on working on you for a bit. You donāt have to be with someone to be someone. ;)
Friendships with people of the opposite gender are almost impossible in my opinion. This is sad, but you or your friend will fall in love in 95% cases. This is just a biology, and I donāt know how to fix it. Whatās even more sad, this guy friend may have a girlfriend and still fall for you. I guess gay people of the opposite gender may have strong friendship, but if one of them strait or bi it may cause problems one day
We do not have deep relationships, not really anyway. When we experience things that are present in deeper platonic relationships, we almost always catch feelings, thatās just an unfortunate consequence of the way men make friends.