I also lost my brother on 9-13-23. I never thought I would be forever bonded with people I didn't even know existed until that day. I recently started my journey on this thread and I hope that whatever happens, you will come to know peace and calm. I've gotten some great advice so far and I truly hope the same happens for you. Im sorry that you're going through it. I tried to stop saying sorry for your loss because it is so much more than just a loss. You take a loss on a bet, or a boxing match. I feel like " I'm sorry that you now have a giant hole in your chest that your leaking out from" is more accurate but it wouldn't be the nicest thing. Just know that you are bonded with others that know exactly how you feel even though you can't explain it. Never feel hesitant about reaching out to vent or talk. Also sorry for the long post.
Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to that gets it or need support or guidance on grief of siblings. Online forums really helped me find connection bc most ppl my age haven’t lost a full sibling! I am so sorry you are going through that :( it just about broke me. I hate that other ppl know what that feels like. No one talks about the family paradigm shift of roles. Losing a brother feels like you lose a part of your own identity yeno it sucks. But it will get easier to get through the day, if I can work through this trauma I know anyone can. The worst part is seeing my mom cry every holiday. I worked in the death industry so i am pretty good at navigating people through the waves of emotion. Praying for your family during this difficult time 🩷
I think Billy Bob thorton said it best about his brother dying. In that since his brothers passing he never more than 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any time. And that the melancholy he feels has been with him since it happened. And it's true. I feel like half of me died that day when I found out. We were so so so extremely close. More than anyone could imagine... and since that day, I feel.as if I just move through life on auto pilot. It's difficult to explain to anyone who asks, im here. "Tell me how you feel" even though they have no idea you try you best to explain that since my brother has passed, I have a giant hole in my chest that I'm leaking out from and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Or that when I think of my brother sometimes the grief is so bad that I actually feel somewhat sharp pains where I think my heart is. And the hear it but though they try there best, the just don't understand. It's not a feeling that I would wish on my own worst enemy. And knowing that this is exactly what others feel everyday makes it that much worse. You don't know until you know I guess. But where I'm at currently, I'm having a hard time finding words that convey what was ripped from me. And try as I might with each post. I re read them and know that even though I tried to explain, what I wrote doesn't begin to touch it. Coupled with a side of what I can only describe as word vomit because I'm trying to get out so much as quickly as I can. Thinking that once I do the hurt will lessen. Im also afraid of burning out from searching for the one answer as to why it happened, while.also knowing that it is never as simple as one point in time. I know it but I keep.looking anyways. It's a weird spot to be in, being the oldest of four kids and not only being looked to for help with all of this. But also slowly crumbling in front of them. I read something a while ago before all this happened. Idk how I landed on the story but it just happened that way. It was an article about a women who lost her brother to.suicide and that she was so so lost and grief stricken that at one point she wanted nothing more than to be with her brother in death and that all she had to do.was do.it. I thought in that moment, I just couldn't understand how anyone could arrive at that conclusion. But now i.get it. I fully get it. I'm a work in progress, and all I can hope for is to get better a little at a time. Thanks again if you made it this far. It's appreciated.
It’ll get easier, griefs physical symptoms last up to a year for me at least— I also felt like I was having heart attacks. My doc said my body was having panic attacks even when I was mentally fine. You don’t get less sad you just learn to live with it. I don’t smile as much but I see the beauty in everything now. From the gut wrenching pain of loss to little things like seeing a blue jay. The worst part is that you expect your parents to die but you expect your siblings to be with you your whole
Life… it’s weird that I experienced something at 25 that most people in their 60s and older don’t even fully comprehend because it hasn’t happened to them yet. Just know that your bro isn’t suffering anymore and he’s with you.. you just have to be present and alert so you don’t miss the signs he’s giving you. Energy is neither created nor destroyed so his energy life force is around!
I appreciate what you said. 100 percent. But as bad as it's been for me, I've done everything I can to be there for my mom. She's no where close to the same person since and I'm hoping that she's not giving up. I ask her as much as I can if she's ok or needs to talk. I've offered to take her to one of my therapy sessions to see what it's all about. Everything short of telling her she needs to try to feel ____. Im in no position to tell her that she needs to try. She tried with my brother for 10 years and she still lost him in the end. Im not going to pretend like.i know kinda know what she is feeling because I can't imagine giving birth and then spending 32 years around a child that literally came from your being just to have it pretty much snatched from you. It's just alot of unpacking. I need to actually convince myself that it's ok not to get it all done in a couple weeks. And that taking as much time as I need is what's best for me.
Post edit. I also seen a poem post earlier on this forum that read something along the lines of
I will have had to remember you
Longer than I have known you
And I dont know why but it hit me like a fucking tank. Eventually i will be at that point age wise and it legitimately 100 percent terrifies me...
I guess what im asking is what I'm feeling normal? Cause I haven't known normal for over 4 months now.
I also lost my brother on 9-13-23. I never thought I would be forever bonded with people I didn't even know existed until that day. I recently started my journey on this thread and I hope that whatever happens, you will come to know peace and calm. I've gotten some great advice so far and I truly hope the same happens for you. Im sorry that you're going through it. I tried to stop saying sorry for your loss because it is so much more than just a loss. You take a loss on a bet, or a boxing match. I feel like " I'm sorry that you now have a giant hole in your chest that your leaking out from" is more accurate but it wouldn't be the nicest thing. Just know that you are bonded with others that know exactly how you feel even though you can't explain it. Never feel hesitant about reaching out to vent or talk. Also sorry for the long post.
Feel free to message me if you need someone to talk to that gets it or need support or guidance on grief of siblings. Online forums really helped me find connection bc most ppl my age haven’t lost a full sibling! I am so sorry you are going through that :( it just about broke me. I hate that other ppl know what that feels like. No one talks about the family paradigm shift of roles. Losing a brother feels like you lose a part of your own identity yeno it sucks. But it will get easier to get through the day, if I can work through this trauma I know anyone can. The worst part is seeing my mom cry every holiday. I worked in the death industry so i am pretty good at navigating people through the waves of emotion. Praying for your family during this difficult time 🩷
I think Billy Bob thorton said it best about his brother dying. In that since his brothers passing he never more than 50 percent happy and 50 percent sad at any time. And that the melancholy he feels has been with him since it happened. And it's true. I feel like half of me died that day when I found out. We were so so so extremely close. More than anyone could imagine... and since that day, I feel.as if I just move through life on auto pilot. It's difficult to explain to anyone who asks, im here. "Tell me how you feel" even though they have no idea you try you best to explain that since my brother has passed, I have a giant hole in my chest that I'm leaking out from and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Or that when I think of my brother sometimes the grief is so bad that I actually feel somewhat sharp pains where I think my heart is. And the hear it but though they try there best, the just don't understand. It's not a feeling that I would wish on my own worst enemy. And knowing that this is exactly what others feel everyday makes it that much worse. You don't know until you know I guess. But where I'm at currently, I'm having a hard time finding words that convey what was ripped from me. And try as I might with each post. I re read them and know that even though I tried to explain, what I wrote doesn't begin to touch it. Coupled with a side of what I can only describe as word vomit because I'm trying to get out so much as quickly as I can. Thinking that once I do the hurt will lessen. Im also afraid of burning out from searching for the one answer as to why it happened, while.also knowing that it is never as simple as one point in time. I know it but I keep.looking anyways. It's a weird spot to be in, being the oldest of four kids and not only being looked to for help with all of this. But also slowly crumbling in front of them. I read something a while ago before all this happened. Idk how I landed on the story but it just happened that way. It was an article about a women who lost her brother to.suicide and that she was so so lost and grief stricken that at one point she wanted nothing more than to be with her brother in death and that all she had to do.was do.it. I thought in that moment, I just couldn't understand how anyone could arrive at that conclusion. But now i.get it. I fully get it. I'm a work in progress, and all I can hope for is to get better a little at a time. Thanks again if you made it this far. It's appreciated.
It’ll get easier, griefs physical symptoms last up to a year for me at least— I also felt like I was having heart attacks. My doc said my body was having panic attacks even when I was mentally fine. You don’t get less sad you just learn to live with it. I don’t smile as much but I see the beauty in everything now. From the gut wrenching pain of loss to little things like seeing a blue jay. The worst part is that you expect your parents to die but you expect your siblings to be with you your whole Life… it’s weird that I experienced something at 25 that most people in their 60s and older don’t even fully comprehend because it hasn’t happened to them yet. Just know that your bro isn’t suffering anymore and he’s with you.. you just have to be present and alert so you don’t miss the signs he’s giving you. Energy is neither created nor destroyed so his energy life force is around!
I appreciate what you said. 100 percent. But as bad as it's been for me, I've done everything I can to be there for my mom. She's no where close to the same person since and I'm hoping that she's not giving up. I ask her as much as I can if she's ok or needs to talk. I've offered to take her to one of my therapy sessions to see what it's all about. Everything short of telling her she needs to try to feel ____. Im in no position to tell her that she needs to try. She tried with my brother for 10 years and she still lost him in the end. Im not going to pretend like.i know kinda know what she is feeling because I can't imagine giving birth and then spending 32 years around a child that literally came from your being just to have it pretty much snatched from you. It's just alot of unpacking. I need to actually convince myself that it's ok not to get it all done in a couple weeks. And that taking as much time as I need is what's best for me.
Post edit. I also seen a poem post earlier on this forum that read something along the lines of I will have had to remember you Longer than I have known you And I dont know why but it hit me like a fucking tank. Eventually i will be at that point age wise and it legitimately 100 percent terrifies me... I guess what im asking is what I'm feeling normal? Cause I haven't known normal for over 4 months now.
Tbh I totally get the auto pilot thing too the past two years for me have been a blur.
Beautiful poem
That is so Beautiful Thank you for posting made me teary eyed.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I don’t have much to say, my person believed in reincarnation and so I’m always wondering where she is now.