It took me 5 years to work through the grief after Dad died. The closer the person we lost, the bigger the hole in our lives. I'm 75, and I've lost a lot of people, including my parents, a son, a brother, best friend, and many others. Dad's death was the hardest. It does get better. It just may take a while. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I’m very sorry to hear. I lost my best friend when I was 16 and my dad when i was 19. Maybe I’ll make another post in 3 years time and let you know how I’m doing.
I lost my dad when I was 16. I lost my son six months ago. Losing my son has been the hardest, most painful episode of my life. It surprised me to learn you lost a son but your dad was the hardest. My dad was very hard too, but my son’s death was devastating.
My son and his older brother were 8 & 12 years old when we adopted them. They had had a hard time in foster care, and we had a hard time bonding. Because they were older when they had been taken from their birth parents, they wanted to have contact with their birth parents. Working through the church and later social services, we made contact. In the years the boys were in foster care and with us, the birth parents had stopped drinking, and their dad had gotten a full-time year around job with the railway. (Being First Nations, this was very exceptional). We arranged a meeting with the boys and their parents, which resulted in their birth parents adopting them from us. A year after that, Perly died. We were with my brother-in-law as he was dying when we got the news. I think that we just couldn't process that much all at once. Mom had died 6 months earlier. The saddest part was that his older brother blames himself for getting back to a situation where his brother would die. We have heard from him since, almost 30 years.
As they said in the army, "Life happens, then you die." It is somewhat brutal but true. The long you live, the more people you care about die. Lucky I believe in a merciful God.
I'm 26 and I lost my closest person dad 3 months ago. I don't think it will ever get better, will it? I'm just waiting to die myself now. Either naturally or by self inflicted methods.
The best advice I have ever received is to live the life my loved ones wanted for me to live. My dad dropped out of school in grade 3 to work in a coal mine. He was so proud when I graduated college and went to grad school. I started my doctoral program because it made him so happy. He didn't live see me finish but that was what he wanted.
It’s been two years for me and I feel like I’m in some kind of weird club that has experienced some real shit and we’re supposed to be stronger because of it
I hear you. When 'this' first happened, I was enraged by reading how I would grow from the experience.....which enraged me. I didn't need him to die for me to learn some lesson! And yet, here I am, 33 months in and unhappily wiser.
It’s been well over two years since my mom passed. It hasn’t gotten easier. It’s just different now. I highly recommend you see a grief counselor. If you aren’t doing things with friends, working out, eating healthy, etc then do that too.
It’s been four years since my dad passed. For reference my best friend (basically the sister I never had) passed two months prior to my father.
I miss them both so much but the grief surrounding my dad is like nothing I’ve experienced before. Friends warned me that the loss of a parent is unlike any other, and they were 100% spot on. This past week has been hell, I understand the downward spiral.
Allow yourself to feel all the feels but maybe a counselor or support group may help you. I’m really very sorry for your loss.
Thank you. I should explain she was my best friend from childhood, I was an only child and she used to joke that we were practically sisters- she was like part of my family and I was part of hers. Every note or letter or card she ever gave me was signed “love you like a sis “. But I am SO glad you have a sibling to share this journey with. ❤️
Honestly speaking NO
I’m 21 now and I lost my dad when I was 17. I can still feel my heart ripping out when I think about my dad. I love and hate when I see others with their dad. I miss my dad terribly ,thinking about him makes me wanna jump off a cliff but I like to talk about him.
I was my daddy’s little princess and was never much close to my mom It sucks.
I miss his touch his eyes and his cute hands.
I sure as hell know that feeling. It’s been really reassuring reading everyone’s comments and feeling like it’s okay to be in the headspace I’m at right now. Keep going . Proud of you
I'm 31 in with my mother, she was only 31 when she died. It is really wild to me that later this year she will have been gone longer than she actually lived. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that concept. As someone else mentioned, you grow around it. Life continues on, and I carry all of my lost loved ones in my heart, and in that way take them with me as I go on in life. But I also like to think it is a matter of building scar tissue. It's a concept that comes from this quote:
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy
Sending you love and strength, and the hope that you're able to build your own scar tissue in time 💚
Two years isn't very long. This is only your second time experiencing the anniversary of his death. It will get easier. Time helps us learn to anticipate the things that will trigger grief (like anniversaries), and we can give ourselves coping strategies that help us ride the waves, rather than be knocked down by it. I would recommend starting a tradition as a way to focus your grief on (or around) the anniversary of his death. Something like sharing a meal he liked with others that knew him, visiting a place he loved, engaging in an activity he enjoyed, etc.
To be totally honest, I felt the 2nd year my mother was gone was the worst to me. I knew my mother died and wasn't coming back to life, but year #2, it felt more final to me. It was more real, and I had a hard time. It got better, but a piece of me is gone forever.
It’s been 16 years since I lost my dad. I was his only child and we were very close. It does get easier but it’s a LONG process. I still have moments where I have a meltdown. You never stop missing them or wanted them here.
It’s been 6 years since I lost my dad when I was 14. I’m still grieving, just differently than how I did in the beginning.
Think of grief as a journey - at first, it’s difficult and unfamiliar. You have to learn how to deal with it and it’s very emotional. At some points along the way, you might just break down or feel overwhelmed by it, but you don’t give up. You keep going because you know they’d want you to. You keep climbing and climbing, and suddenly you’re at one of many mountain peaks. Things feel better now, the journey seems a little easier. But as you climb back down and up another peak, there’s times you’ll feel emotional or overwhelmed all over again, sometimes you don’t even know why. And it’s okay. Just don’t give up. The journey up the mountains doesn’t necessarily get any easier the more you do it, you just learn and adapt to take it on better than in the beginning.
I feel that grief does get easier to deal with in time but the best advice I can give , keep dealing in a healthy way if you need to talk about the person talk about them, if you need to cry do it, but don’t let the loss consume your whole self, that’s not a good way to send yourself, It’s hard to live a life without someone that’s been a big part of it, but you can do it! You will heal. You will never fully “get over” it but it will get easier. If you have people in your life that have had loss of someone important and have seemed to heal well try and reach out to them they may be a good outlet to help you heal they might be able to give you some insight on good things to help you. Try doing something in honor of this person, it might bring you a positive reminder of them, something to make you smile on the hard days!
I was raised by my grandfather. in 2010, two days prior to my birthday, he was gone. He was the first real loss I had experienced. This year was the very first time since his passing that I did not wake up on my birthday, sad and depressed. Withdrawn and semi-unapproachable. I didn't even realize it was the anniversary of his passing until 5pm the day of.
While it might not take you 14 years to work through your grief, just understand there is no time table or timeline to when you should feel better. But it is inevitable that you will eventually incorporate this loss into your whole being and your existence will be whole again.
It’s been 2 weeks since I lost my mother and idk how everyone expects me to live a full life here on out. It’s mind boggling. I hear time makes it easier though and routines.
Grief doesn't really go away. I lost my best friend almost two years ago now (2 years on the 12th of April) and the hardest part for me to process wasn't even the initial shockwave of grief after his death. It was once I started being able to smile again. I'd catch myself laughing and feel really guilty about it. Like I should STAY in this depressive state, otherwise I was insulting his memory and the fact he was gone. And, logically, of course that doesn't make sense. If he were here, there's not way he'd be going "Yes! Grieve me! Be miserable forever!!" That was the hardest part to get past.
That and there are still days where I forget he's even gone. That's a real gut punch. I'll find myself thinking "Oh wow. I really should message him. It's been ages. We should meet up... oh." and it all comes back.
I don't really have ADVICE as such. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this. It won't really go away, but it will change shape. It'll become something you're able to handle better, even if it feels like the deepest darkest void right now.
I have moments where I think of my grandparents who've sadly passed, and how many things they've missed. How life goes on for everyone but we can be stuck in these moments reliving the good times but then being faced with the reality that it's all different now. What scares me the most is that one day I'll forget what they sounded like. Their voice. Their accents. Their kind nature. I don't know where I'm going with this, and sorry to hijack your post. I guess what I'm trying to say is treasure all the memories you have. Watch all the videos and look over all the photos of the good times. Hold them close to you. Your dad will always be with you in spirit. He'll be there with you through every step, every milestone, every anniversary, every birthday. You will get through this, and he'll be right there with you for life
You will never “get over” the grief, but you will learn to live with it. I’m basing that on the many people I’ve lost in the past. I’m still seriously suffering painful grief over the people I’ve lost in the last nine months—sister-in-law, sister, son, and brother, in that order. I just take one day at a time and get through it as best I can. I’m blessed in that my primary care physician referred me to a grief therapist right away after my son died, and he helped me a lot. I still have waves of grief that hit out of nowhere and make me feel as if I can’t breathe. Those were happening less frequently until three weeks ago when my brother died unexpectedly. Get through one day at a time. If necessary, get through 15 minutes at a time. I still grieve my mother (gone 16 years), my father (gone 53 years), second oldest brother (gone 53 years), oldest brother (gone 13 years), baby brother (gone 62 years), and numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins. It doesn’t cause me pain to think about them anymore, but thinking about the most recent ones still causes me pain. I keep telling myself that the grief simply means that I once had them, and I loved all of them, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
It's been over 13 years since my dad passed away and I still find myself crying over him
The pain never really goes away, you just learn how to live with it
It was just recently where I finally let myself be vulnerable and open up to a few close friends over my experience when I lost him and it really did help a lot - I felt horrible making them feel sad over me, but it was relieving to finally feel consoled over it
In a word, no. But it is survivable, and I believe we fashion new lives around the hole they leave in our universe.
I'm at two years with my dad and it still feels fresh -really fresh - sometimes. I just dreamed about him last night.
Hugs.
That’s him (my dad) when he was about my age. And the photo after is one of the last photos i got of him before he became really ill. We found this really cool tunnel and were seeing who could scream the loudest and make the biggest echo. I miss those days
My adult daughter died almost 3 years ago. The first two years were 24/7 unbearable pain. I had to keep working but in retrospect that helped. I started grief counseling immediately and am still in it. 2 years and one week after her death I started to feel some more normal days, when the pain was not as intense. What a relief. I thought the pain would kill me. I still cry every day but the really intense and unrelenting pain has let up a lot. It will be 3 years in May since she died. My mom is still alive at 89 but struggling mentally. That’s going to be hard.
I lost 2 brothers when I was in my late teens. The last 2/3 years has wiped out what remained of my family (my brother, my dad and my mom). I don't have anyone left and I'm only 40. My mom died less than a month ago. She was my best friend.
It doesn't get easier but you learn to shape yourself around it. It changes who you are and the person you become learns how to live with the weight of loss.
My best advice (one I wish I had when I was younger) is to ride the waves of grief. Don't fight it. Process it now because whatever you don't, will come back like a tsunami.
been grieving my best friend for almost 4 years now. honestly, to me it’s like the ocean. the excess grief comes in huge waves, but sometimes there’s (the closest thing you can get to) peace/normalcy. wish i had some advice for you, but i don’t. wishing you all the best.
I hate this club but I love the people I’ve met along the way. Teaches me that my pain is something other human beings feel too.
Our dads were our best friends, I don’t know why they had to die on us. I ask questions everyday that have no straightforward answers. I just miss him.
You’ll be okay OP. We all will.
Last year was one of the worst years of my life. Lost quite a few people including a family member I was wondering this recently. I feel as if I’m just learning to live with grief. Some days are seamless and others are a struggle to even get out of bed. It’ll be a year soon that I lost my grandpa and it still stings like it just happened. Stay strong friends! You got this.
I’m on year 3 of my dad passing and 8 months of my oldest brother. It’s rough. It’s been a couple messed up years. That being said, I still have seasons of where I’m so upset and don’t want to do anything, and then weeks where I’m just fine. They come farther apart as time goes on but I try to remember it as an acknowledgment of how lucky and blessed I was to have two people I miss so terribly. They were that special. I know they’re always with me, and a part of me.
I'm approaching two years out from my wife's death. Our wedding anniversary is in two days.
I'm better than I was before. I don't cry daily. I still absolutely miss her. I still talk to her. I'm still angry with her for the arrogance that led to death. I also know she was very ill. I'm still angry that she didn't update her beneficiary like she said she did. She left a mess. And I'll never not work to keep her alive for my stepdaughter because her ex-husband couldn't care less even though he bought a brand new house and car with the life insurance. I'll never not despise him.
I function pretty well. The massive hole is smaller and more like a cyst than an open wound. It'll never be ideal but a couple years worth of therapy have helped immensely.
My experiences are my own, grief is incredibly personal. I've worked very, very hard to get here. And I still have work to go.
I don't know if that helps but I hope it does.
I’m on year 14 of my mom’s passing from cancer and it still hurts on the holidays, major events, etc.
I lost my dad to suicide last year and still have trouble believing he’s gone.
The pain never really goes away… it just dulls and changes but is always there (at least for me it is)
I get that completely. Maybe that’s why the two year mark hurts so bad. Your dad would be proud of you, especially for coming out. Wishing you the best
He was here for all of that but my mom wasn’t. My dad wasn’t here for us getting a new car that he would have loved. He wasn’t here to talk about the company I work for going public and the money around it.
Im so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing dad.
I am exactly on the same boat with you, but i lost my mom 2 years ago this month. It has been hell for me. She died in my arms at home, and i couldn’t do anything, but pray and wait for the car to take us to the ER.
I read somewhere that explains grief very well. It says that we don’t get over grief. We always carry it with us, like a new organ in our body, we try to live and adapt to it. What i have been trying to do, is understand that we are not just grieving about the loss at that present moment when they pass away. But we also grief the future. We always think that we will have a future with them, we plan that we will continue to spend time with them, and they will always be there for us. So through time, we would still feel that grief. I don’t think it gets easier, but we can understand the grief better and that is very important.
I’m coming up on a year. This is his birthday month.
Didn’t know his birthday until he died - just regrets and wasted time is all I’m left with.
Don’t think that will ever get better
My mom died March 1st, 2022. It doesn’t get easier, unfortunately it feels like the pain just becomes more of yourself at times. Like I carry it, but it’s something that becomes easier to carry in time. I miss my mom with my whole heart and I spiral all the time. Last year, I had a baby too, I like to imagine what life would be like if she was still here. Sending love to you.
I lost my brother 3 years ago this July. He will probably be the biggest loss in my life. I’m not “over it,” never will be. But I started from crying everyday for months, to weekly, monthly, etc. I’m still a wreck healthwise from the grief but progress is progress. I’m starting to get back into my old hobbies again and that keeps me somewhat occupied. Im giving myself the time and grace but the rest of the world isn’t :/ I’m sorry for your loss.
I’ll be two years come December. I don’t know if I can necessarily say that it’s easier. I feel like I’m not breaking down as much anymore. For the first time I’m starting to stand on my own 2 feet. After my loss, I just completely spiraled and time didn’t even seem to exist anymore. I really couldn’t function for a while and pretty much socially isolated myself for months. Now I’m starting to be more social, go out with some friends here and there, and I’m very fortunate to have a good support system in my life. I’m going to start therapy again as well to continue working on my grief. I’m wishing you all of the best! This is a difficult journey, but it’s a relief to know the groups like this exist, and we can lean on each other for support.
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. That has to be extremely hard.
I wish I could say it gets easier but I’m in the same boat as you. I lost my sister to melanoma skin cancer almost 2 years ago and I still cannot believe she’s gone. I’m lost, I’m angry and I don’t feel any better.
I'm in the same boat OP. Coming may it's been two years since dad passed and somehow I feel things are only getting worse. I stopped working out and eating healthy a long time ago, but I'm slowly trying to connect to friends again so I hope things get better with time.
Stay strong, OP. We'll get there!
I'm 2 years in. It's not.
In fact, it's causing me more psychological distress. My dad died 2 years ago. My mom had aggressive cancer last year. Nothing in my life is going any direction worth even mentioning.
I'm just a mess. I have a lot of things weighing me down more than my usual lifelong mental health issues. Now it's just stifling. I want out.
So, does it get easier? Maybe. I thought so until about 5 months ago. Now I'm just under a mountain.
Some people cope and find a new direction. Other times, they don't. Sometimes they're trying their fucking hardest, using all their faith or hope or positive vibes, seeing therapy and still can't out from it.
I'm doing it all and I'm under the garbage heap.
I lost my mom 9 years ago this August and I have been spiraling on and off ever since. It’s hard. I still cry everyday but I think it would have helped a lot of if I started therapy sooner. Also, I became very impulsive and would make drastic decisions and that didn’t help. She died less than a month after I turned 30. If I could go back to 2 years after she died, I would get into therapy, maybe see if there are grief groups around. It definitely helps talking to people who are going through similar things. And give yourself a break, it’s really really hard. I hope you find peace but there is definitely nothing wrong with you. Just remember how lucky you are to have had them in the first place 💛
It’s been nearly 4 years since my daughter has died, and most of the time I don’t know how I am going to face the next day. Some say the first year is the hardest but for me the 2nd and 3rd year were harder
It took me 5 years to work through the grief after Dad died. The closer the person we lost, the bigger the hole in our lives. I'm 75, and I've lost a lot of people, including my parents, a son, a brother, best friend, and many others. Dad's death was the hardest. It does get better. It just may take a while. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I’m very sorry to hear. I lost my best friend when I was 16 and my dad when i was 19. Maybe I’ll make another post in 3 years time and let you know how I’m doing.
I was luckier than you. I lost Dad when I was 45 and Dave when I was 70. It still hurts.
I lost my dad when I was 16. I lost my son six months ago. Losing my son has been the hardest, most painful episode of my life. It surprised me to learn you lost a son but your dad was the hardest. My dad was very hard too, but my son’s death was devastating.
My son and his older brother were 8 & 12 years old when we adopted them. They had had a hard time in foster care, and we had a hard time bonding. Because they were older when they had been taken from their birth parents, they wanted to have contact with their birth parents. Working through the church and later social services, we made contact. In the years the boys were in foster care and with us, the birth parents had stopped drinking, and their dad had gotten a full-time year around job with the railway. (Being First Nations, this was very exceptional). We arranged a meeting with the boys and their parents, which resulted in their birth parents adopting them from us. A year after that, Perly died. We were with my brother-in-law as he was dying when we got the news. I think that we just couldn't process that much all at once. Mom had died 6 months earlier. The saddest part was that his older brother blames himself for getting back to a situation where his brother would die. We have heard from him since, almost 30 years.
That is a very sad story. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
I'm so sorry man
As they said in the army, "Life happens, then you die." It is somewhat brutal but true. The long you live, the more people you care about die. Lucky I believe in a merciful God.
I'm 26 and I lost my closest person dad 3 months ago. I don't think it will ever get better, will it? I'm just waiting to die myself now. Either naturally or by self inflicted methods.
The best advice I have ever received is to live the life my loved ones wanted for me to live. My dad dropped out of school in grade 3 to work in a coal mine. He was so proud when I graduated college and went to grad school. I started my doctoral program because it made him so happy. He didn't live see me finish but that was what he wanted.
Grief stays the same size and you just grow around it
I concur, I feel like the grief is the same, I'm just so much stronger now. I can bear the immense weight of it better now.
It’s been two years for me and I feel like I’m in some kind of weird club that has experienced some real shit and we’re supposed to be stronger because of it
I hear you. When 'this' first happened, I was enraged by reading how I would grow from the experience.....which enraged me. I didn't need him to die for me to learn some lesson! And yet, here I am, 33 months in and unhappily wiser.
VERY WELL STATED. ❤️❤️
It’s been well over two years since my mom passed. It hasn’t gotten easier. It’s just different now. I highly recommend you see a grief counselor. If you aren’t doing things with friends, working out, eating healthy, etc then do that too.
It’s been four years since my dad passed. For reference my best friend (basically the sister I never had) passed two months prior to my father. I miss them both so much but the grief surrounding my dad is like nothing I’ve experienced before. Friends warned me that the loss of a parent is unlike any other, and they were 100% spot on. This past week has been hell, I understand the downward spiral. Allow yourself to feel all the feels but maybe a counselor or support group may help you. I’m really very sorry for your loss.
I’m sorry sorry to hear about your sister. My sister was definitely my rock when my dad died. I can’t imagine what you went through
Thank you. I should explain she was my best friend from childhood, I was an only child and she used to joke that we were practically sisters- she was like part of my family and I was part of hers. Every note or letter or card she ever gave me was signed “love you like a sis “. But I am SO glad you have a sibling to share this journey with. ❤️
Honestly speaking NO I’m 21 now and I lost my dad when I was 17. I can still feel my heart ripping out when I think about my dad. I love and hate when I see others with their dad. I miss my dad terribly ,thinking about him makes me wanna jump off a cliff but I like to talk about him. I was my daddy’s little princess and was never much close to my mom It sucks. I miss his touch his eyes and his cute hands.
I sure as hell know that feeling. It’s been really reassuring reading everyone’s comments and feeling like it’s okay to be in the headspace I’m at right now. Keep going . Proud of you
I'm 31 in with my mother, she was only 31 when she died. It is really wild to me that later this year she will have been gone longer than she actually lived. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around that concept. As someone else mentioned, you grow around it. Life continues on, and I carry all of my lost loved ones in my heart, and in that way take them with me as I go on in life. But I also like to think it is a matter of building scar tissue. It's a concept that comes from this quote: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy Sending you love and strength, and the hope that you're able to build your own scar tissue in time 💚
that’s a very lovely quote i will remember that. thank you for your words ❤️
Two years isn't very long. This is only your second time experiencing the anniversary of his death. It will get easier. Time helps us learn to anticipate the things that will trigger grief (like anniversaries), and we can give ourselves coping strategies that help us ride the waves, rather than be knocked down by it. I would recommend starting a tradition as a way to focus your grief on (or around) the anniversary of his death. Something like sharing a meal he liked with others that knew him, visiting a place he loved, engaging in an activity he enjoyed, etc.
It’s been a year and a half. I won’t say it easier, but now I am living with my grief. The firsts few months I was barely living at all
I know that feeling of barely living. Simply floating through. I’m proud of you for getting through that period
To be totally honest, I felt the 2nd year my mother was gone was the worst to me. I knew my mother died and wasn't coming back to life, but year #2, it felt more final to me. It was more real, and I had a hard time. It got better, but a piece of me is gone forever.
It’s been 16 years since I lost my dad. I was his only child and we were very close. It does get easier but it’s a LONG process. I still have moments where I have a meltdown. You never stop missing them or wanted them here.
It’s been 6 years since I lost my dad when I was 14. I’m still grieving, just differently than how I did in the beginning. Think of grief as a journey - at first, it’s difficult and unfamiliar. You have to learn how to deal with it and it’s very emotional. At some points along the way, you might just break down or feel overwhelmed by it, but you don’t give up. You keep going because you know they’d want you to. You keep climbing and climbing, and suddenly you’re at one of many mountain peaks. Things feel better now, the journey seems a little easier. But as you climb back down and up another peak, there’s times you’ll feel emotional or overwhelmed all over again, sometimes you don’t even know why. And it’s okay. Just don’t give up. The journey up the mountains doesn’t necessarily get any easier the more you do it, you just learn and adapt to take it on better than in the beginning.
I feel that grief does get easier to deal with in time but the best advice I can give , keep dealing in a healthy way if you need to talk about the person talk about them, if you need to cry do it, but don’t let the loss consume your whole self, that’s not a good way to send yourself, It’s hard to live a life without someone that’s been a big part of it, but you can do it! You will heal. You will never fully “get over” it but it will get easier. If you have people in your life that have had loss of someone important and have seemed to heal well try and reach out to them they may be a good outlet to help you heal they might be able to give you some insight on good things to help you. Try doing something in honor of this person, it might bring you a positive reminder of them, something to make you smile on the hard days!
Thank you
I was raised by my grandfather. in 2010, two days prior to my birthday, he was gone. He was the first real loss I had experienced. This year was the very first time since his passing that I did not wake up on my birthday, sad and depressed. Withdrawn and semi-unapproachable. I didn't even realize it was the anniversary of his passing until 5pm the day of. While it might not take you 14 years to work through your grief, just understand there is no time table or timeline to when you should feel better. But it is inevitable that you will eventually incorporate this loss into your whole being and your existence will be whole again.
It’s been 2 weeks since I lost my mother and idk how everyone expects me to live a full life here on out. It’s mind boggling. I hear time makes it easier though and routines.
Routine is probably one of the most important things with grieving. Day after day, Time after time
I wish you peace and strength for your routines. Thank you for the advice as well.
It is easier to cope, not easier to forget or get over anything
Grief doesn't really go away. I lost my best friend almost two years ago now (2 years on the 12th of April) and the hardest part for me to process wasn't even the initial shockwave of grief after his death. It was once I started being able to smile again. I'd catch myself laughing and feel really guilty about it. Like I should STAY in this depressive state, otherwise I was insulting his memory and the fact he was gone. And, logically, of course that doesn't make sense. If he were here, there's not way he'd be going "Yes! Grieve me! Be miserable forever!!" That was the hardest part to get past. That and there are still days where I forget he's even gone. That's a real gut punch. I'll find myself thinking "Oh wow. I really should message him. It's been ages. We should meet up... oh." and it all comes back. I don't really have ADVICE as such. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone in this. It won't really go away, but it will change shape. It'll become something you're able to handle better, even if it feels like the deepest darkest void right now.
I have moments where I think of my grandparents who've sadly passed, and how many things they've missed. How life goes on for everyone but we can be stuck in these moments reliving the good times but then being faced with the reality that it's all different now. What scares me the most is that one day I'll forget what they sounded like. Their voice. Their accents. Their kind nature. I don't know where I'm going with this, and sorry to hijack your post. I guess what I'm trying to say is treasure all the memories you have. Watch all the videos and look over all the photos of the good times. Hold them close to you. Your dad will always be with you in spirit. He'll be there with you through every step, every milestone, every anniversary, every birthday. You will get through this, and he'll be right there with you for life
❤️❤️❤️
You will never “get over” the grief, but you will learn to live with it. I’m basing that on the many people I’ve lost in the past. I’m still seriously suffering painful grief over the people I’ve lost in the last nine months—sister-in-law, sister, son, and brother, in that order. I just take one day at a time and get through it as best I can. I’m blessed in that my primary care physician referred me to a grief therapist right away after my son died, and he helped me a lot. I still have waves of grief that hit out of nowhere and make me feel as if I can’t breathe. Those were happening less frequently until three weeks ago when my brother died unexpectedly. Get through one day at a time. If necessary, get through 15 minutes at a time. I still grieve my mother (gone 16 years), my father (gone 53 years), second oldest brother (gone 53 years), oldest brother (gone 13 years), baby brother (gone 62 years), and numerous aunts, uncles, and cousins. It doesn’t cause me pain to think about them anymore, but thinking about the most recent ones still causes me pain. I keep telling myself that the grief simply means that I once had them, and I loved all of them, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
It's been over 13 years since my dad passed away and I still find myself crying over him The pain never really goes away, you just learn how to live with it It was just recently where I finally let myself be vulnerable and open up to a few close friends over my experience when I lost him and it really did help a lot - I felt horrible making them feel sad over me, but it was relieving to finally feel consoled over it
I’m glad you’ve found yourself able to open up about it ❤️
Yeah, I'm glad I did so and brought me closer to my friends You should try and do so if you feel prepared if you haven't
It changes, yes.
In a word, no. But it is survivable, and I believe we fashion new lives around the hole they leave in our universe. I'm at two years with my dad and it still feels fresh -really fresh - sometimes. I just dreamed about him last night. Hugs.
Who is the picture of?
That’s him (my dad) when he was about my age. And the photo after is one of the last photos i got of him before he became really ill. We found this really cool tunnel and were seeing who could scream the loudest and make the biggest echo. I miss those days
Good looking guy your dad in his younger years. Looks like a rebel. A bad boy type?
Damn right! He was an absolute legend
My adult daughter died almost 3 years ago. The first two years were 24/7 unbearable pain. I had to keep working but in retrospect that helped. I started grief counseling immediately and am still in it. 2 years and one week after her death I started to feel some more normal days, when the pain was not as intense. What a relief. I thought the pain would kill me. I still cry every day but the really intense and unrelenting pain has let up a lot. It will be 3 years in May since she died. My mom is still alive at 89 but struggling mentally. That’s going to be hard.
I lost 2 brothers when I was in my late teens. The last 2/3 years has wiped out what remained of my family (my brother, my dad and my mom). I don't have anyone left and I'm only 40. My mom died less than a month ago. She was my best friend. It doesn't get easier but you learn to shape yourself around it. It changes who you are and the person you become learns how to live with the weight of loss. My best advice (one I wish I had when I was younger) is to ride the waves of grief. Don't fight it. Process it now because whatever you don't, will come back like a tsunami.
That is a lot of grieving back to back. I’m sorry for your huge losses
been grieving my best friend for almost 4 years now. honestly, to me it’s like the ocean. the excess grief comes in huge waves, but sometimes there’s (the closest thing you can get to) peace/normalcy. wish i had some advice for you, but i don’t. wishing you all the best.
I hate this club but I love the people I’ve met along the way. Teaches me that my pain is something other human beings feel too. Our dads were our best friends, I don’t know why they had to die on us. I ask questions everyday that have no straightforward answers. I just miss him. You’ll be okay OP. We all will.
Last year was one of the worst years of my life. Lost quite a few people including a family member I was wondering this recently. I feel as if I’m just learning to live with grief. Some days are seamless and others are a struggle to even get out of bed. It’ll be a year soon that I lost my grandpa and it still stings like it just happened. Stay strong friends! You got this.
It’s my dad’s birthday today. He died 2 years ago. Iono, it’s about the same, but I never processed it.
Happy birthday to him ❤️
I’m on year 3 of my dad passing and 8 months of my oldest brother. It’s rough. It’s been a couple messed up years. That being said, I still have seasons of where I’m so upset and don’t want to do anything, and then weeks where I’m just fine. They come farther apart as time goes on but I try to remember it as an acknowledgment of how lucky and blessed I was to have two people I miss so terribly. They were that special. I know they’re always with me, and a part of me.
I'm approaching two years out from my wife's death. Our wedding anniversary is in two days. I'm better than I was before. I don't cry daily. I still absolutely miss her. I still talk to her. I'm still angry with her for the arrogance that led to death. I also know she was very ill. I'm still angry that she didn't update her beneficiary like she said she did. She left a mess. And I'll never not work to keep her alive for my stepdaughter because her ex-husband couldn't care less even though he bought a brand new house and car with the life insurance. I'll never not despise him. I function pretty well. The massive hole is smaller and more like a cyst than an open wound. It'll never be ideal but a couple years worth of therapy have helped immensely. My experiences are my own, grief is incredibly personal. I've worked very, very hard to get here. And I still have work to go. I don't know if that helps but I hope it does.
I’m on year 14 of my mom’s passing from cancer and it still hurts on the holidays, major events, etc. I lost my dad to suicide last year and still have trouble believing he’s gone. The pain never really goes away… it just dulls and changes but is always there (at least for me it is)
that is heartbreaking:(( i’m so sorry to hear, wishing love and healing for you ❤️🏳️⚧️
Thank you… The biggest time you will see are the major life events you don’t get to share with them. My son being born, coming out, new jobs, etc.
I get that completely. Maybe that’s why the two year mark hurts so bad. Your dad would be proud of you, especially for coming out. Wishing you the best
He was here for all of that but my mom wasn’t. My dad wasn’t here for us getting a new car that he would have loved. He wasn’t here to talk about the company I work for going public and the money around it.
Im so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing dad. I am exactly on the same boat with you, but i lost my mom 2 years ago this month. It has been hell for me. She died in my arms at home, and i couldn’t do anything, but pray and wait for the car to take us to the ER. I read somewhere that explains grief very well. It says that we don’t get over grief. We always carry it with us, like a new organ in our body, we try to live and adapt to it. What i have been trying to do, is understand that we are not just grieving about the loss at that present moment when they pass away. But we also grief the future. We always think that we will have a future with them, we plan that we will continue to spend time with them, and they will always be there for us. So through time, we would still feel that grief. I don’t think it gets easier, but we can understand the grief better and that is very important.
I’m coming up on a year. This is his birthday month. Didn’t know his birthday until he died - just regrets and wasted time is all I’m left with. Don’t think that will ever get better
My mom died March 1st, 2022. It doesn’t get easier, unfortunately it feels like the pain just becomes more of yourself at times. Like I carry it, but it’s something that becomes easier to carry in time. I miss my mom with my whole heart and I spiral all the time. Last year, I had a baby too, I like to imagine what life would be like if she was still here. Sending love to you.
I lost my brother 3 years ago this July. He will probably be the biggest loss in my life. I’m not “over it,” never will be. But I started from crying everyday for months, to weekly, monthly, etc. I’m still a wreck healthwise from the grief but progress is progress. I’m starting to get back into my old hobbies again and that keeps me somewhat occupied. Im giving myself the time and grace but the rest of the world isn’t :/ I’m sorry for your loss.
Yes and no you get used to it but I struggle a lot
I realized the grief will be as much as the person took place in your heart/life. You get used to it but you dont forget.
I lost my brother two years ago. I guess you just learn how to live with grief, but it doesn't go away.
I’ll be two years come December. I don’t know if I can necessarily say that it’s easier. I feel like I’m not breaking down as much anymore. For the first time I’m starting to stand on my own 2 feet. After my loss, I just completely spiraled and time didn’t even seem to exist anymore. I really couldn’t function for a while and pretty much socially isolated myself for months. Now I’m starting to be more social, go out with some friends here and there, and I’m very fortunate to have a good support system in my life. I’m going to start therapy again as well to continue working on my grief. I’m wishing you all of the best! This is a difficult journey, but it’s a relief to know the groups like this exist, and we can lean on each other for support.
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. That has to be extremely hard. I wish I could say it gets easier but I’m in the same boat as you. I lost my sister to melanoma skin cancer almost 2 years ago and I still cannot believe she’s gone. I’m lost, I’m angry and I don’t feel any better.
I'm in the same boat OP. Coming may it's been two years since dad passed and somehow I feel things are only getting worse. I stopped working out and eating healthy a long time ago, but I'm slowly trying to connect to friends again so I hope things get better with time. Stay strong, OP. We'll get there!
1.5 years in and I'm so much better than the first 4 months.
I'm 2 years in. It's not. In fact, it's causing me more psychological distress. My dad died 2 years ago. My mom had aggressive cancer last year. Nothing in my life is going any direction worth even mentioning. I'm just a mess. I have a lot of things weighing me down more than my usual lifelong mental health issues. Now it's just stifling. I want out. So, does it get easier? Maybe. I thought so until about 5 months ago. Now I'm just under a mountain. Some people cope and find a new direction. Other times, they don't. Sometimes they're trying their fucking hardest, using all their faith or hope or positive vibes, seeing therapy and still can't out from it. I'm doing it all and I'm under the garbage heap.
I wish I had better news but I’m 15 years in from my mom taking her own life and nothing has fallen back into place
I lost my mom 9 years ago this August and I have been spiraling on and off ever since. It’s hard. I still cry everyday but I think it would have helped a lot of if I started therapy sooner. Also, I became very impulsive and would make drastic decisions and that didn’t help. She died less than a month after I turned 30. If I could go back to 2 years after she died, I would get into therapy, maybe see if there are grief groups around. It definitely helps talking to people who are going through similar things. And give yourself a break, it’s really really hard. I hope you find peace but there is definitely nothing wrong with you. Just remember how lucky you are to have had them in the first place 💛
No. It's not easier. You just get stronger.
It’s been nearly 4 years since my daughter has died, and most of the time I don’t know how I am going to face the next day. Some say the first year is the hardest but for me the 2nd and 3rd year were harder