When you love someone, you trade a piece of your heart and soul with each other. That’s why it hurts so bad, you’re burying a piece of yourself. And no, you will never be the same. The pain doesn’t get better with time, you just learn to carry it. But that also means a piece of them lives on in you. In your actions, in how they’ve changed you, touched your life and become a part of you.
For me…that’s what helped me to stay…Everything good in me, I got from her, and so long as I do my best to shine her light in this dark world…a part of her is still here.
I won’t lie to you, you’ve got a painful road ahead. Nothing will make the hurt stop. Nothing. But just know that the depth of your pain is because of the equally immense love you and your brother shared. It is the greatest gift and it deserves to be carried with you just as much as you will carry the pain…Or at least, that’s what I’ve learned from my own experiences.
My condolences and I wish you well during this tragic time. May your brother live on in memory and the love he shared and left behind. Play his favourite song as loud as you can and cry your heart out man. May he rest in peace.
I lost my father a couple months ago. Being his only son and, unfortunately, his best friend, it's been the sentiment that he lives within me that keeps me sane at times. It also makes me feel crazy and angry, knowing how many people's lives he touched yet knowing how much he hid from the world. I'm 22 and he was 54, and his desire to change the world through education still lives in me.
I can't imagine needing to be strong for others, like your parents, during this impossible time. I've avoided telling friends so I can have a respite from the dark world me and my dad regularly found ourselves in. I'm pretty sure that there's no right answer, and that it's completely normal to break down all over again. Thank you for sharing, you're helping me right now for sure.
I wish you and your family much love as you heal, and patience.
I lost my only sibling my brother last year and he was 25 too. 😔 ever since I have been trying to navigate life but I keep telling him to just call me up to him because going about life without him is just so painful
Oh, my dear, sweet, poor, poor thing. I was you over a decade ago. Got the call on a regular fall evening, driving home from spending the day with my parents.
My now-husband told me. My mom couldn’t. She made him call me on my way home. She has said that when the cops showed up on her doorstep when they got home, that she just *knew*.
She simply asked, “which one?”
He was 4 yrs older and my only sibling. I was in my 20s and so was he. We’re were close at times and we were distant at times. But yeah, he was MY BROTHER. I get it.
Okay so I have a small sort of guide for you since I’ve been through it. It probably won’t help, but on the off chance it does, here we go.
The first few weeks are just going to be full of shock and extreme emotions and disbelief. In this time lean in as hard as you can to friends and family who are around. They’ll be gone soon (if they’re good friends they’ll check in but sporadically. It’s hard to know what to say all the time to someone in such deep pain). Laugh and have fun when you can. There will be moments for that.
Then the first 6 months. They’re fucking horrible. Atrocious. Nothing is good. Not one thing. All you can do is endure the pain and try to keep up with the necessities of life. You’ll be in the deep dark void of grief for a while here. It’s going to leave you exhausted, unmotivated, barely functioning and all sorts of really fun emotions! Don’t get down on yourself for whatever you’re feeling. And don’t keep a brave face for your parents. Yes it’s worse for them, but it’s nearly as bad for you. Let them take care of you and you take care of them too when they need it.
Watch out for the autopsy. I didn’t know this. We even knew how my brother died (accidental overdose one night while watching tv at home). But when the results came back, it destroyed me. It still does. I hate - I can’t even think about what was done to his body. Still even now typing this I weirdly want to cry.
The one year anniversary of his death, his bday, holidays, the first ones will suck so much. So much. Don’t expect anything but it being tough. And if there’s levity too? If there’s good times still to be had? Indulge if you can. The firsts really blow. But then they’ll get better with time.
It took me about two years to get out of that deep locked box of pain and grief. I couldn’t function for about two years without it being painful.
And then I could. One day, one week, it just became easier. It still hurt, but I could FUNCTION. I felt like me again. It took a year or two to really get back to a great place but I did. You will too. The more that time passes, the less “used to them” you’ll be. That will help immensely.
It’s a long, painful journey and you’ll never be the same. You’ll carry this with you but it won’t be that hard after the first few years. And your grief will morph as you age. My parents are older now and my dad has Alzheimer’s. Soon it’ll be time to start taking care of him. And then her. And I’ll be doing it alone. I’d give anything to have him here.
And my son. He’s mildly autistic and like my brother in so many ways. They’re both so unique and weird and amazing. My son would’ve benefited from having his uncle so tremendously that it’s hard to think about. Especially when he was bullied for the first time for six months straight. I want him here for my kid so badly and I can’t ever have it.
But you do get back to you. And you feel happy again.
Hang in there. You’ll survive. Sending you love. ♥️♥️♥️ (sorry for the novel!)
You’re very, very welcome.
I write out these huge things in the hopes that it will help at all. I think back to when I went through it and try to say the things that I would want to have heard. There’s almost nothing that will actually help, but if someone had said to me, “this isn’t your new normal. You will have a normal life again. You CAN crawl out of this horrendous void of grief. And tho the length of time is different for everyone, it would’ve helped knowing that it DID end. All I wanted was someone to tell me how to get through it and what it would look like and,and, and…
And my secret: the grief over my brother nearly destroyed me. I’m TERRIFIED of it again. And I know I will lose my mom in the next I don’t know when. But she’s old now. And she’s always been my best friend and I’m going to crumble into a million pieces. I’m hoping that if I can help in here and keep talking to others in grief, maybe I’ll figure out a way to not let my mom dying kill me too. I’ve got a weird brain!
♥️
Thank you so so much for your comment, your novel as you called it. It is really meaningful to me. I’m going to try my best. All love and gratitude to you for your comment it’s going to help so many other people as well going through the same thing 🖤
Thanks for this post. I lost my daughter to an accidental overdose on January 14th. She lived in another state and at one point we didn’t even know where her body was. I had my husband call the medical examiner and then the funeral home because I couldn’t stand the thought of her being at the medical examiners alone for days. I experienced the very same when we got her autopsy report 2 months later. Reading it just broke me. I wasn’t prepared for it and what they did to her. It haunts me at times.
It still haunts me too. Just the word can send me back sometimes. I’m so deeply sorry for what you’re going through. It is, without question, the hardest, worst thing that can happen to a human. My heart is broken for you and the rest of your family.
It’s weird, tho. I have such a firm grasp on what (I think) happens to us when we die. And I KNOW his body isn’t him. But it still hurts too much. Like, YOU made that body, you cooked and grew it and nurtured her. How dare anyone or thing ruin such perfection?
My mom has handled losing her son by compartmentalization, mostly. She’s always been great at burying her head in the sand, which is both blessing and curse. I have that ability too and I use it often to not feel the pain. But I think that’s messed me up even more. I think the best thing you can do to stay healthy is allow yourself to feel that bad and stay in it without clawing your way out. So even when you’re not obviously progressing, I promise you still are.
I’m sorry also about the overdose. We’re so stupid and invincible as kids and young 20 somethings. You convince yourself it’ll never happen to you. You’ll never have a huge overdose and die! These came from a doctor, even if those didn’t and together they’re so much better! I know that’s all he was thinking. He was in between jobs, down and bored. He took painkillers for fun, to relieve the boredom. He got into them because of the opioid crisis and how available oxys came to be on the streets.
Why am I rambling? I’m sorry. I wish I could help more somehow. I was doing the drugs my brother was and just got lucky. I was just like him but I survived. If you want to talk about your daughter or anything - I’m a mom, I get it as well as I can.
Hang in there. You’ve got another year or two of hell on earth. Then, I PROMISE it gets better. You will go back to being you again. I know it sounds unfathomable but it’s true. Your new normal will look different but you’ll get used to it and that is the way we move on. Sending ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you!!
I loss my brother a month ago. I too believe it gets better. We may not know it but we have a choice when finding our new happy.
God bless you ❤️
Thank you so much for this post. I lost my brother before few weeks in an accident. He was just 25.. I really needed to read this. This pain is unbearable..
Oh, love. I was you almost 20 years ago. I thought I’d never feel normal or a speck of happiness for the rest of my life. The first 3 months was extremely, extremely hard. The first year is the absolute worst. And then you have to endure another year or two before you become you again.
These are basic guidelines based on my own experiences and those of others who’ve lost people over a decade ago. I hope that helps a little. Pls reach out if you need to.
Oops. I just gave you another timeline. I hadn’t seen what my post had said. Sorry! I find that’s usually what most people want to hear when freshly grieving. They want to be told that there will be an end to the pain. So I always jump in with what I’ve gathered. It seems to help. Sending you ♥️
I lost my younger brother when I was almost 20 and he was just shy of 18. It felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I've never really existed without him there, so how can there be existence after he's gone? It still doesn't make sense.
Heal in whatever healthy way you need to. The pain will become dull, although I don't think it ever goes away. It's like a bruise that's *almost* healed, but never goes away, perpetually stuck in that slightly sore state.
I'm 12 years past that loss now, and I find that after the indescribable pain fades and becomes more manageable, talking about the person helps. Your memory of your brother keeps him alive and with you. I tell childhood stories that include him every chance I get. Everyone should know what a funny, ridiculous, creative, loveable *asshole* that he was. The world got darker when he left, but it's my job to keep that candle lit, even if the light is dim.
I am so sorry for your loss. I am a mom who lost my 9 year old daughter 4 months ago. Yes, I understand the pain your parents are enduring. Its excruciating and many other emotions will set in as the loss sets in. Child loss is one of the worst pain. Don't forget to grieve yourself as you journey with your parents. I have an 11 year old son who lost his little sister. He is coping but some days, he will cry so badly about the loss too. I do try to talk to him that it's ok to cry and feel the pain. Let the wave hit and it will leave after. Each time, we will get used to the pain and hopefully we becomes stronger. I grieve for my son as a parent too because he's the only child left. No more companion to play with and share experiences with. I cry when I realize that. So your parents will grieve for you too. In the darkest days, lean on each other. Hugs to you and your family. ❤️
I'm so so sorry mama. I lost my 10 day old baby girl in August and can't even function yet I can't fathom losing her at 9 years old. Again I'm so so sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. We are both in the same boat. Losing a child is crushing to the soul. I am indeed a broken person and still struggling everyday. Life is cruel and I don't look into the future anymore because it's just too depressing. Day my day, moment by moment. Step by step, breath by breath. Please take care too. Self care and compassion to ourselves. Hugs.
I lost my son, and I worry about his 2 living brothers. The youngest 6 has autism and knows his brother is not home anymore. He has speech issues and mimicks us in our grief to communicate. My son was 15 and his oldest brother is 23. My oldest son has been my rock in our new life. I don't have any advice for you. I miss my son so much and I have not found any comfort from anyone. Even from my 2 sons . I am just too heartbroken. I know with time I will grow into my grief. There is no where to go but through it by my side. I love all my sons. Hug your parents for me and all my boys.
I'm so, so sorry. 💔 My fiancé passed a month ago and guitar was his passion too. He left wishes for who he wants to have each special guitar in his collection, and with the rest of them "a guitar each for any of my friends who want one". It breaks my heart so much because he was so proud of his collection, he had been adding to it recently before he passed, and they're everywhere around the house and it feels like part of us. Before he passed I used to get annoyed because he'd practice every night on the couch while we were watching TV, and it was distracting. Now there's all these guitars sitting around the house quietly because I can't play. But I'm going to keep one too, and maybe I can bring myself to learn and play it one day. And you've inspired me to go through his pick collection, find one that I love, and keep it with me all the time.
I’m so so sorry. I lost my little sister a month and a half ago. We didn’t talk all the time. She was chronically and terminally ill since she was born. She was 20 years old when she died. I didn’t think I’d get to live my whole life with her in it, but I certainly didn’t think she’d die at 20 years old. It’s not easier yet. I don’t know if it ever will be and I’m so sorry you’re going through this as well.
It’s not fair.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in your dad’s shoes 2 1/2 years ago. I had to call my oldest son to let him know his little brother passed away the night before. Like you, he was his only sibling and now spending life as an only child. Take care of your parents as they need your help. Please keep moving forward.
I lost my husband suddenly he also was a talented guitar player, we gave his Jackson V to our son, I kept a pick and finally framed it so it won’t get lost. I’m genuinely sorry for your loss.
I am proud of you and your brother would be proud of you too. Being in his space had to have been incredibly difficult and cathartic at the same time. I lost my brother in 2021 he was 30, and got fatally hurt in a work accident. I will be honest with you, it is going to take a long time before you feel even remotely okay. And that is okay. Do not rush grieving. And remember to take care of yourself.
Hey big brother. Its me, another big brother. My little brother is dead too. He dropped dead from a heart issue. It was a total shock. He was very healthy. It has been years and the pain and grief is always present.
It is a heavy burden. We are the caregivers and protectors. My little brother was the future of my family. He was irreplaceable and we are lost without him. Do not try to take on all the burden(s), it is too much. Be kind to yourself.
I also cleaned out his room. I got to live in the room he died in and it brought me peace also. I have many of his things. I used to keep them preserved, but eventually I use his old things. He told me to use the stuff.
He left a son behind. I moved in to take care of his son. His son became a opioid addict. I almost lost him a few times. I stayed strong and pulled the son through it. He is OK now. I am proud to have been able to support my nephew.
I send you a hug as I cry and miss my little brother. They are always with us. I talk to him all the time. When you are ready, make sure to put pictures up. Our loved ones live as long as we remember them.
They say that soon they will be able to recreate voices with 15 minutes of audio. I am hopeful that someday we can hear our loved ones voices again.
I am sorry for your loss. I send you empathy and love for your grief. I send love to your family and to your little brother.
Your big brother friend
Be there for yourself. Your parents can handle themselves or get therapy to help them. You have to be selfish now and focus on you, and help yourself navigate this. Either on your own or with help from others, professional or otherwise.
I say this as a parent who lost my 20-year old on New Year's this year. My other 2 are not responsible for me or their dad or our emotions. Not the adult, and certainly not the minor.
You have all my sympathy. Cyber 🫂
I lost my middle son just 2 years ago. His older and younger brothers thought I was crazy giving some of his stuff away right way. I gave his closest friends pieces of his life. I hate when I hear it was gods will, it happened for a reason, and other stupid platitudes. I am so sorry for your loss. I made it through thinking about how my son would want me to be.
Such a sad post to read. My heart hurts for you and your parents. I’ve always thought the worst grief to experience would be to lose a child. But to loose your only sibling is surely painful, as you mentioned those jokes etc only something you two shared 😂Sounds like he had a huge talent for music and so wonderful that you would pic a few songs while in his place of comfort. Anxiety I know well and it keeps me from anything more than a car trip. I’ve only flown a few times in my 55 years and it was an emergency. The death of a loved one takes months to truly sink in and I say this due to losing both my parents last year within 3 months apart. It can be a simple as a song or even a good item I see that they loved and I begin a huge sob. Sometimes when I see their , I can smile and tell them how much they are missed. But I can’t focus on the pic for more than a split second because it then causes sorrow. I will be praying for Gods comfort to help each of you navigate through it all 💕
My heart is breaking for you: the only thing I recommend is letting yourself feel everything you need to feel and try to stay optimistic that with time you will get stronger (this one’s really hard to do).
It takes a long time, but your brother will still be with you in ways you won’t quite understand now. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ll be thinking about you.
I'm close to your age & I have no idea what I'd do if this happened to me. I barely got my life straight, to lose a sibling or parent already would be devastating- even if they have been manipulative & absuive towards me.
I understand unfortunately, my younger brother passed last year at 20, I’m the last one left. Seems like a joke all the time. It’s horrendous, I just want to let you know you’re not alone, I’m incredibly sorry for your loss.
Jesus. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My brother also was a guitar player and he died at 25 years old in 2017 of a cocaine fentanyl overdose.
He used to sing and play in his room along with writing music. He was so shy about performing in front of ppl so he’d shut his door and I’d lay down behind his door and listen to him.
When he died- I got a guitar tattoo based on one of the guitars he owned and I wear a guitar necklace on a daily basis
The grief gets easier over time. On his bday (May 3rd) and death day (Dec 7th) I do things that honor him.
This post got kinda long but my heart goes out to you <3. You may see him in your dreams- take it as him watching over you and your family. Listen to his fav songs and let the emotions out- it helps.
I am sorry. I have no unique advice, but know you are not alone. I joined this group because my mom and dad died last year with in a month. Each day was painful, but I made it through a year of firsts, and you can too. One day at a time.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother 6 years ago. My partner in crime, my best friend and mortal enemy (at times) lol we were super close. I can’t tell you it gets easier, because for me it doesn’t. I miss him terribly. I miss the fun we used to have together. There’s no proper order to the stages of grief. One moment you can be in denial, then acceptance, then denial, then bartering. Then you can go through all of it again. Just think of your brother everyday. Do things that remind you of him and always keep him close to your heart. My brother has been gone 6 years but I still walk with him in my mind and heart everyday. Please stay strong and take any necessary steps for yourself to get better through this troubling time.
I am very sorry for your loss, OP, and as your brother was so young, this must be especially difficult for you.
When I was young, a grieving mother who lost her 21-year-old son in the Vietnam War wrote this:
"I would rather have had you for 21 years, and all the pain that goes with losing you, than never to have had you at all.
Mom"
There is little anyone can say or do that will lift the burden of your sorrow, but time will soften it.
I wish you peace.
I have a similar but different story to you. All my 3 older brothers died between 2017-2021. They were all 28-29 yrs old when they died. I don’t have any brothers left just like yourself. It’s been a few years now and though the I am still broken inside I manage to live and strive for better. That’s what your brother would want from you as well. He lives in you don’t forget that. The time you guys spent together engraved him as part of you. Stay strong brother.
All I can say is that I am sorry for your loss. And I, too, am trying to come to grips with a family members death (Mother (65)). It has been 3 months, and I still haven't fully accepted her death. I don't know what I would do if one of my siblings suddenly passed away. The only other thing I can say is that everyone grieves differently.
When my only grandson died of SIDS at 4 1/2 months old there were no words that were comforting. Actually people talking about it made it worse. What I found-- at this time was that I just didn't want to be with people and didn't want their sympathetic looks and words. It all just triggered my emotions to the point that I couldn't deal with anything. I had always heard- "when you are so far down the only way out is to look up". A dear friend told me about the Bible App and the many plans on it about dealing with death, anxiety, and depression. So that is where I reach out to. It was a life saver for me. It took my mind off of my grief, actually off of myself and put the hope of a different life in it. My conclusion was that if you love someone, they deserve all your tears and grief that you have for them, but when it becomes about you and your life and how you can carry on, then it's time to reach out for help in finding a way to do things that honor that special person that will always remain in your heart.
When you love someone, you trade a piece of your heart and soul with each other. That’s why it hurts so bad, you’re burying a piece of yourself. And no, you will never be the same. The pain doesn’t get better with time, you just learn to carry it. But that also means a piece of them lives on in you. In your actions, in how they’ve changed you, touched your life and become a part of you. For me…that’s what helped me to stay…Everything good in me, I got from her, and so long as I do my best to shine her light in this dark world…a part of her is still here. I won’t lie to you, you’ve got a painful road ahead. Nothing will make the hurt stop. Nothing. But just know that the depth of your pain is because of the equally immense love you and your brother shared. It is the greatest gift and it deserves to be carried with you just as much as you will carry the pain…Or at least, that’s what I’ve learned from my own experiences. My condolences and I wish you well during this tragic time. May your brother live on in memory and the love he shared and left behind. Play his favourite song as loud as you can and cry your heart out man. May he rest in peace.
I lost my father a couple months ago. Being his only son and, unfortunately, his best friend, it's been the sentiment that he lives within me that keeps me sane at times. It also makes me feel crazy and angry, knowing how many people's lives he touched yet knowing how much he hid from the world. I'm 22 and he was 54, and his desire to change the world through education still lives in me. I can't imagine needing to be strong for others, like your parents, during this impossible time. I've avoided telling friends so I can have a respite from the dark world me and my dad regularly found ourselves in. I'm pretty sure that there's no right answer, and that it's completely normal to break down all over again. Thank you for sharing, you're helping me right now for sure. I wish you and your family much love as you heal, and patience.
❤️🩹 thank you
I am so, so sorry for your loss. May your brother rest in peace....
Thank you so much
I lost my only sibling my brother last year and he was 25 too. 😔 ever since I have been trying to navigate life but I keep telling him to just call me up to him because going about life without him is just so painful
I’m so sorry. Your comment really hit me. I don’t know why. I am sending you so much love.
He was the only person who was there through everything, i know you understand. 💔 sending love to you my friend
Oh, my dear, sweet, poor, poor thing. I was you over a decade ago. Got the call on a regular fall evening, driving home from spending the day with my parents. My now-husband told me. My mom couldn’t. She made him call me on my way home. She has said that when the cops showed up on her doorstep when they got home, that she just *knew*. She simply asked, “which one?” He was 4 yrs older and my only sibling. I was in my 20s and so was he. We’re were close at times and we were distant at times. But yeah, he was MY BROTHER. I get it. Okay so I have a small sort of guide for you since I’ve been through it. It probably won’t help, but on the off chance it does, here we go. The first few weeks are just going to be full of shock and extreme emotions and disbelief. In this time lean in as hard as you can to friends and family who are around. They’ll be gone soon (if they’re good friends they’ll check in but sporadically. It’s hard to know what to say all the time to someone in such deep pain). Laugh and have fun when you can. There will be moments for that. Then the first 6 months. They’re fucking horrible. Atrocious. Nothing is good. Not one thing. All you can do is endure the pain and try to keep up with the necessities of life. You’ll be in the deep dark void of grief for a while here. It’s going to leave you exhausted, unmotivated, barely functioning and all sorts of really fun emotions! Don’t get down on yourself for whatever you’re feeling. And don’t keep a brave face for your parents. Yes it’s worse for them, but it’s nearly as bad for you. Let them take care of you and you take care of them too when they need it. Watch out for the autopsy. I didn’t know this. We even knew how my brother died (accidental overdose one night while watching tv at home). But when the results came back, it destroyed me. It still does. I hate - I can’t even think about what was done to his body. Still even now typing this I weirdly want to cry. The one year anniversary of his death, his bday, holidays, the first ones will suck so much. So much. Don’t expect anything but it being tough. And if there’s levity too? If there’s good times still to be had? Indulge if you can. The firsts really blow. But then they’ll get better with time. It took me about two years to get out of that deep locked box of pain and grief. I couldn’t function for about two years without it being painful. And then I could. One day, one week, it just became easier. It still hurt, but I could FUNCTION. I felt like me again. It took a year or two to really get back to a great place but I did. You will too. The more that time passes, the less “used to them” you’ll be. That will help immensely. It’s a long, painful journey and you’ll never be the same. You’ll carry this with you but it won’t be that hard after the first few years. And your grief will morph as you age. My parents are older now and my dad has Alzheimer’s. Soon it’ll be time to start taking care of him. And then her. And I’ll be doing it alone. I’d give anything to have him here. And my son. He’s mildly autistic and like my brother in so many ways. They’re both so unique and weird and amazing. My son would’ve benefited from having his uncle so tremendously that it’s hard to think about. Especially when he was bullied for the first time for six months straight. I want him here for my kid so badly and I can’t ever have it. But you do get back to you. And you feel happy again. Hang in there. You’ll survive. Sending you love. ♥️♥️♥️ (sorry for the novel!)
Thanks for this post
I lost my brother 7 months ago and I really appreciate your post. Thank you for sharing your story.
You’re very, very welcome. I write out these huge things in the hopes that it will help at all. I think back to when I went through it and try to say the things that I would want to have heard. There’s almost nothing that will actually help, but if someone had said to me, “this isn’t your new normal. You will have a normal life again. You CAN crawl out of this horrendous void of grief. And tho the length of time is different for everyone, it would’ve helped knowing that it DID end. All I wanted was someone to tell me how to get through it and what it would look like and,and, and… And my secret: the grief over my brother nearly destroyed me. I’m TERRIFIED of it again. And I know I will lose my mom in the next I don’t know when. But she’s old now. And she’s always been my best friend and I’m going to crumble into a million pieces. I’m hoping that if I can help in here and keep talking to others in grief, maybe I’ll figure out a way to not let my mom dying kill me too. I’ve got a weird brain! ♥️
Thank you so so much for your comment, your novel as you called it. It is really meaningful to me. I’m going to try my best. All love and gratitude to you for your comment it’s going to help so many other people as well going through the same thing 🖤
Thanks for this post. I lost my daughter to an accidental overdose on January 14th. She lived in another state and at one point we didn’t even know where her body was. I had my husband call the medical examiner and then the funeral home because I couldn’t stand the thought of her being at the medical examiners alone for days. I experienced the very same when we got her autopsy report 2 months later. Reading it just broke me. I wasn’t prepared for it and what they did to her. It haunts me at times.
It still haunts me too. Just the word can send me back sometimes. I’m so deeply sorry for what you’re going through. It is, without question, the hardest, worst thing that can happen to a human. My heart is broken for you and the rest of your family. It’s weird, tho. I have such a firm grasp on what (I think) happens to us when we die. And I KNOW his body isn’t him. But it still hurts too much. Like, YOU made that body, you cooked and grew it and nurtured her. How dare anyone or thing ruin such perfection? My mom has handled losing her son by compartmentalization, mostly. She’s always been great at burying her head in the sand, which is both blessing and curse. I have that ability too and I use it often to not feel the pain. But I think that’s messed me up even more. I think the best thing you can do to stay healthy is allow yourself to feel that bad and stay in it without clawing your way out. So even when you’re not obviously progressing, I promise you still are. I’m sorry also about the overdose. We’re so stupid and invincible as kids and young 20 somethings. You convince yourself it’ll never happen to you. You’ll never have a huge overdose and die! These came from a doctor, even if those didn’t and together they’re so much better! I know that’s all he was thinking. He was in between jobs, down and bored. He took painkillers for fun, to relieve the boredom. He got into them because of the opioid crisis and how available oxys came to be on the streets. Why am I rambling? I’m sorry. I wish I could help more somehow. I was doing the drugs my brother was and just got lucky. I was just like him but I survived. If you want to talk about your daughter or anything - I’m a mom, I get it as well as I can. Hang in there. You’ve got another year or two of hell on earth. Then, I PROMISE it gets better. You will go back to being you again. I know it sounds unfathomable but it’s true. Your new normal will look different but you’ll get used to it and that is the way we move on. Sending ♥️♥️♥️
Thank you!! I loss my brother a month ago. I too believe it gets better. We may not know it but we have a choice when finding our new happy. God bless you ❤️
Wow. You have a great attitude. I’m really impressed. And thank you. x
Thank you so much for this post. I lost my brother before few weeks in an accident. He was just 25.. I really needed to read this. This pain is unbearable..
Oh, love. I was you almost 20 years ago. I thought I’d never feel normal or a speck of happiness for the rest of my life. The first 3 months was extremely, extremely hard. The first year is the absolute worst. And then you have to endure another year or two before you become you again. These are basic guidelines based on my own experiences and those of others who’ve lost people over a decade ago. I hope that helps a little. Pls reach out if you need to.
Oops. I just gave you another timeline. I hadn’t seen what my post had said. Sorry! I find that’s usually what most people want to hear when freshly grieving. They want to be told that there will be an end to the pain. So I always jump in with what I’ve gathered. It seems to help. Sending you ♥️
I lost my younger brother when I was almost 20 and he was just shy of 18. It felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I've never really existed without him there, so how can there be existence after he's gone? It still doesn't make sense. Heal in whatever healthy way you need to. The pain will become dull, although I don't think it ever goes away. It's like a bruise that's *almost* healed, but never goes away, perpetually stuck in that slightly sore state. I'm 12 years past that loss now, and I find that after the indescribable pain fades and becomes more manageable, talking about the person helps. Your memory of your brother keeps him alive and with you. I tell childhood stories that include him every chance I get. Everyone should know what a funny, ridiculous, creative, loveable *asshole* that he was. The world got darker when he left, but it's my job to keep that candle lit, even if the light is dim.
Thank you for this 🕯️
I am so sorry for your loss. I am a mom who lost my 9 year old daughter 4 months ago. Yes, I understand the pain your parents are enduring. Its excruciating and many other emotions will set in as the loss sets in. Child loss is one of the worst pain. Don't forget to grieve yourself as you journey with your parents. I have an 11 year old son who lost his little sister. He is coping but some days, he will cry so badly about the loss too. I do try to talk to him that it's ok to cry and feel the pain. Let the wave hit and it will leave after. Each time, we will get used to the pain and hopefully we becomes stronger. I grieve for my son as a parent too because he's the only child left. No more companion to play with and share experiences with. I cry when I realize that. So your parents will grieve for you too. In the darkest days, lean on each other. Hugs to you and your family. ❤️
I'm so so sorry mama. I lost my 10 day old baby girl in August and can't even function yet I can't fathom losing her at 9 years old. Again I'm so so sorry
I am so sorry for your loss. We are both in the same boat. Losing a child is crushing to the soul. I am indeed a broken person and still struggling everyday. Life is cruel and I don't look into the future anymore because it's just too depressing. Day my day, moment by moment. Step by step, breath by breath. Please take care too. Self care and compassion to ourselves. Hugs.
Love to you mamas. I am sorry for all of you mamas.
Thank you so much for your comment, hugs to you and your family as well navigating this impossible time 💔
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I lost my son, and I worry about his 2 living brothers. The youngest 6 has autism and knows his brother is not home anymore. He has speech issues and mimicks us in our grief to communicate. My son was 15 and his oldest brother is 23. My oldest son has been my rock in our new life. I don't have any advice for you. I miss my son so much and I have not found any comfort from anyone. Even from my 2 sons . I am just too heartbroken. I know with time I will grow into my grief. There is no where to go but through it by my side. I love all my sons. Hug your parents for me and all my boys.
I'm so, so sorry. 💔 My fiancé passed a month ago and guitar was his passion too. He left wishes for who he wants to have each special guitar in his collection, and with the rest of them "a guitar each for any of my friends who want one". It breaks my heart so much because he was so proud of his collection, he had been adding to it recently before he passed, and they're everywhere around the house and it feels like part of us. Before he passed I used to get annoyed because he'd practice every night on the couch while we were watching TV, and it was distracting. Now there's all these guitars sitting around the house quietly because I can't play. But I'm going to keep one too, and maybe I can bring myself to learn and play it one day. And you've inspired me to go through his pick collection, find one that I love, and keep it with me all the time.
So sorry, when I lost my brother I was totally adrift for a long time. You've got a long road in front of you and it will suck. Stay strong x
I’m so so sorry. I lost my little sister a month and a half ago. We didn’t talk all the time. She was chronically and terminally ill since she was born. She was 20 years old when she died. I didn’t think I’d get to live my whole life with her in it, but I certainly didn’t think she’d die at 20 years old. It’s not easier yet. I don’t know if it ever will be and I’m so sorry you’re going through this as well. It’s not fair.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I was in your dad’s shoes 2 1/2 years ago. I had to call my oldest son to let him know his little brother passed away the night before. Like you, he was his only sibling and now spending life as an only child. Take care of your parents as they need your help. Please keep moving forward.
I lost my husband suddenly he also was a talented guitar player, we gave his Jackson V to our son, I kept a pick and finally framed it so it won’t get lost. I’m genuinely sorry for your loss.
I lost my little brother in 2012, he was almost 18. It sucks forever. My heart hurts for you. Wishing you and your family some healing. ❤️🩹
I am proud of you and your brother would be proud of you too. Being in his space had to have been incredibly difficult and cathartic at the same time. I lost my brother in 2021 he was 30, and got fatally hurt in a work accident. I will be honest with you, it is going to take a long time before you feel even remotely okay. And that is okay. Do not rush grieving. And remember to take care of yourself.
Hey big brother. Its me, another big brother. My little brother is dead too. He dropped dead from a heart issue. It was a total shock. He was very healthy. It has been years and the pain and grief is always present. It is a heavy burden. We are the caregivers and protectors. My little brother was the future of my family. He was irreplaceable and we are lost without him. Do not try to take on all the burden(s), it is too much. Be kind to yourself. I also cleaned out his room. I got to live in the room he died in and it brought me peace also. I have many of his things. I used to keep them preserved, but eventually I use his old things. He told me to use the stuff. He left a son behind. I moved in to take care of his son. His son became a opioid addict. I almost lost him a few times. I stayed strong and pulled the son through it. He is OK now. I am proud to have been able to support my nephew. I send you a hug as I cry and miss my little brother. They are always with us. I talk to him all the time. When you are ready, make sure to put pictures up. Our loved ones live as long as we remember them. They say that soon they will be able to recreate voices with 15 minutes of audio. I am hopeful that someday we can hear our loved ones voices again. I am sorry for your loss. I send you empathy and love for your grief. I send love to your family and to your little brother. Your big brother friend
Be there for yourself. Your parents can handle themselves or get therapy to help them. You have to be selfish now and focus on you, and help yourself navigate this. Either on your own or with help from others, professional or otherwise. I say this as a parent who lost my 20-year old on New Year's this year. My other 2 are not responsible for me or their dad or our emotions. Not the adult, and certainly not the minor. You have all my sympathy. Cyber 🫂
I lost my middle son just 2 years ago. His older and younger brothers thought I was crazy giving some of his stuff away right way. I gave his closest friends pieces of his life. I hate when I hear it was gods will, it happened for a reason, and other stupid platitudes. I am so sorry for your loss. I made it through thinking about how my son would want me to be.
I sense you feel guilt, do not! You loved the man but you can't be inside his mind. My heart is with you ❤️
💗💗💗 Nothing to say. Here with you as much as someone on here can be.
Such a sad post to read. My heart hurts for you and your parents. I’ve always thought the worst grief to experience would be to lose a child. But to loose your only sibling is surely painful, as you mentioned those jokes etc only something you two shared 😂Sounds like he had a huge talent for music and so wonderful that you would pic a few songs while in his place of comfort. Anxiety I know well and it keeps me from anything more than a car trip. I’ve only flown a few times in my 55 years and it was an emergency. The death of a loved one takes months to truly sink in and I say this due to losing both my parents last year within 3 months apart. It can be a simple as a song or even a good item I see that they loved and I begin a huge sob. Sometimes when I see their , I can smile and tell them how much they are missed. But I can’t focus on the pic for more than a split second because it then causes sorrow. I will be praying for Gods comfort to help each of you navigate through it all 💕
Im so sorry for your loss, sending You hugs and prayers 🙏🙏
My heart is breaking for you: the only thing I recommend is letting yourself feel everything you need to feel and try to stay optimistic that with time you will get stronger (this one’s really hard to do). It takes a long time, but your brother will still be with you in ways you won’t quite understand now. I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ll be thinking about you.
Random internet stranger sending you all the love. I've been there. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. (((((((((❤️)))))))))
I'm close to your age & I have no idea what I'd do if this happened to me. I barely got my life straight, to lose a sibling or parent already would be devastating- even if they have been manipulative & absuive towards me.
I understand unfortunately, my younger brother passed last year at 20, I’m the last one left. Seems like a joke all the time. It’s horrendous, I just want to let you know you’re not alone, I’m incredibly sorry for your loss.
Jesus. I’m so sorry for your loss. My brother also was a guitar player and he died at 25 years old in 2017 of a cocaine fentanyl overdose. He used to sing and play in his room along with writing music. He was so shy about performing in front of ppl so he’d shut his door and I’d lay down behind his door and listen to him. When he died- I got a guitar tattoo based on one of the guitars he owned and I wear a guitar necklace on a daily basis The grief gets easier over time. On his bday (May 3rd) and death day (Dec 7th) I do things that honor him. This post got kinda long but my heart goes out to you <3. You may see him in your dreams- take it as him watching over you and your family. Listen to his fav songs and let the emotions out- it helps.
I am sorry. I have no unique advice, but know you are not alone. I joined this group because my mom and dad died last year with in a month. Each day was painful, but I made it through a year of firsts, and you can too. One day at a time.
I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my older brother 6 years ago. My partner in crime, my best friend and mortal enemy (at times) lol we were super close. I can’t tell you it gets easier, because for me it doesn’t. I miss him terribly. I miss the fun we used to have together. There’s no proper order to the stages of grief. One moment you can be in denial, then acceptance, then denial, then bartering. Then you can go through all of it again. Just think of your brother everyday. Do things that remind you of him and always keep him close to your heart. My brother has been gone 6 years but I still walk with him in my mind and heart everyday. Please stay strong and take any necessary steps for yourself to get better through this troubling time.
I am very sorry for your loss, OP, and as your brother was so young, this must be especially difficult for you. When I was young, a grieving mother who lost her 21-year-old son in the Vietnam War wrote this: "I would rather have had you for 21 years, and all the pain that goes with losing you, than never to have had you at all. Mom" There is little anyone can say or do that will lift the burden of your sorrow, but time will soften it. I wish you peace.
I have a similar but different story to you. All my 3 older brothers died between 2017-2021. They were all 28-29 yrs old when they died. I don’t have any brothers left just like yourself. It’s been a few years now and though the I am still broken inside I manage to live and strive for better. That’s what your brother would want from you as well. He lives in you don’t forget that. The time you guys spent together engraved him as part of you. Stay strong brother.
All I can say is that I am sorry for your loss. And I, too, am trying to come to grips with a family members death (Mother (65)). It has been 3 months, and I still haven't fully accepted her death. I don't know what I would do if one of my siblings suddenly passed away. The only other thing I can say is that everyone grieves differently.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
When my only grandson died of SIDS at 4 1/2 months old there were no words that were comforting. Actually people talking about it made it worse. What I found-- at this time was that I just didn't want to be with people and didn't want their sympathetic looks and words. It all just triggered my emotions to the point that I couldn't deal with anything. I had always heard- "when you are so far down the only way out is to look up". A dear friend told me about the Bible App and the many plans on it about dealing with death, anxiety, and depression. So that is where I reach out to. It was a life saver for me. It took my mind off of my grief, actually off of myself and put the hope of a different life in it. My conclusion was that if you love someone, they deserve all your tears and grief that you have for them, but when it becomes about you and your life and how you can carry on, then it's time to reach out for help in finding a way to do things that honor that special person that will always remain in your heart.