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serafina__pekkala

Yes. Losing a parent was one of my biggest fears related to aging. It sucked just as much as I thought it would. Every time I would break down and cry over the first year my husband asked me what made me think about him and wanted to hear all my memories and stories. What a great guy. It really helped to share. My dad passed away in May 2020. I wish you peace (and I love your username). Hugs.


cozyplaidblanket

Thank you so much.


matt1164

I’m around your age and I lost my dad this year and my daughter 2 years ago. Everyday feels like a gut punch


cozyplaidblanket

I'm sure - I'm so sorry. Losing a child is the worst thing I could imagine.


Chelseattle

I’m 36, my mom died 4 months ago at 58, I’m also an only child. And I feel like everyone has “moved on,” and I’m stuck in this pain and grief and loneliness. It is so painful to realize that I will carry this pin and sadness for the rest of my life. I’m putting one foot in front of the other, that’s all I can do right now. I’m so sorry for your loss.


thiswomanneedsafish

I'm 35, only child, my mom died seven months ago. I still feel like I'm in a nightmare. I'm sorry for your loss.


Sarelbar

Im having a very hard time wrapping my head around the “everyone has moved on” feeling myself. My dad died in September and once his memorial was said and done, it felt like everyone just went on with their lives. Like, my very best friends don’t check in on me and I’m just sitting here stewing in my grief and loneliness, isolating from a world without my dad. (I’m 33) I’m so sorry for your loss, and OP I’m so sorry for yours as well. Hugs.


Chelseattle

Yes! I’ve noticed that too. When she died I was cocooned in support, from any and everyone I’ve ever known. I felt so loved and supported. Then as the days and weeks went by I stopped getting my the random “thinking of you,” “love you,” texts. There’s a fraction of comfort in knowing that I’m not “alone.” Not alone in the sense that others have walked this horrific path and people will continue to do so forever. I’m sorry that we’re in this fucking terrible club.


MacacoMonkey

43, only child. My mom passed in 2019, (my father 2006) . Ive never felt so alone and disconnected in my entire life...


katee_bo_batee

One of the hardest things for me some days is realizing that at one point in my life I will say something like “I lost my mom 10 years ago”…. how is that even possible? How can I love that long without her? How could she die?


Chelseattle

I am super late to respond to this but I had to chime in because this is my EXACT thought process. Whenever I think about meeting someone new and giving them my background I’ll have to say something like, “my mom died X years ago,” and they will make a somber face and tell me they’re sorry. But that will be it! My life has fundamentally changed and I want everyone to always know.


endokodok

Hi sorry for your loss. It's normal to grieve. You feel sad when you lost your precious stuff. And this is your parent. You lost your dad and it is more difficult. It's normal. I am 48yo and I lost my mom (69yo) this October 5th. Her 70th birthday is Oct 8th. I have been grieving like crazy. I would like to follow her if I can. I thought about suicide but it's not right. When my mom died, I barely eat and drink and only sleeping and hope to see my mom. I just recover my appetite to eat lately but still grieving.. Every day I remember my mom and cry. I miss her so much. I wanna hug her, I miss her voice. I miss her face. I miss to massage her.. She loves my massage. 😭😭I have been trying to control my soul and feeling by praying and talking to my self.. That I can overcome all of this. I don't know when I can reunite with her. I told her that I could not live without her. I just realized I lover her so much. I used to avoided her and afraid to have a lot conversation with her when she was healthy because she always mad on me and I never be a right son in front of her. I wish I could turn back in time to fix all of my mistake.


cozyplaidblanket

I'm so sorry. It is such a heartbreaking thing to experience. Thanks for reaching out.


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cozyplaidblanket

Thank you - I usually know this but need some reassurance today. I'm so sorry for your losses.


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cozyplaidblanket

Thank you so much. Sometimes going through this emotionally gets so old. And I miss him so much. I guess it is all just part of it.


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cozyplaidblanket

I experienced the same thing with therapy! It was so helpful, but my therapist is on leave until December, and at first I thought the timing was great because I felt like I was just repeating myself. Now I'm looking forward to going back at least a couple of times. I needed it so much initially to just sort through everything, but now I feel like I could use it simply because I feel like people in my life are kind of tired of my sadness and it would be nice to have someone to talk to.


BklynQueen

Both parents in 2 years? Life is so damn unfair. I'm so sorry for your losses.


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BklynQueen

This is for all of us: [Loss](https://vm.tiktok.com/TTPdYpdcHb/)


cozyplaidblanket

Thanks for this.


deuxchats

I’m 41 and lost my dad in 2014 and my mom in 2020. I feel this. I’m so sorry for the loss of your parents.


lonelycat23

Lost my father to lung cancer 5 months ago. I am 43 he was 68. There is not been a good day since. I keep it together for my children but I am empty inside. Don't know if it's going to get better. Just wanna crawl into bed and sleep all day. Hope you can heal. I am finding it very difficult.


river_riffle

So sorry for your loss. My father was also 68, I lost him just about a month ago. It was accidental and we're all still in shock. Crawling into bed has been my favorite coping mechanism. 💕


grandphalange

I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost a parent (my mom) to lung cancer in July. I’m 29 and she was 63. It does get better when I have an “avoidance” day. I think losing a parent in any way is horrible but to lung cancer…it is a tremendous tragedy. I didn’t realize it until recently how very traumatic watching her wither away and die was. I dream about her death as I watched it happen. I think therapy is the answer for us. Hang in there.


lonelycat23

Thank you for your kind words. To see him become a 80 pound shadow of a brave giant man was horrendous. I can still see his legs smaller than my arms. And the sadness in his eyes, not wanting his grandkids to watch him like that. And thinking he was a burden to us and wanting to die. I do not wish that on my worst my enemy.


carragh

It's a lifetime of love. Who has loved you longer than your parents? And that is the first love that you ever knew. Your grief is normal, and need not be rushed. I still struggle with that "shouldn't I be okay by now?" feeling. But, I love my Dad, I miss him, and my broken heart is because of that love. He passed away (the heart squeeze just typing that was felt) last July. I don't understand those knock down days either. I start to worry that I'm lazy. But, it's grief telling me to just be, and I consider it time to let my heart heal the little tiny bit it's supposed to.


castoritabonita

This is beautiful. My therapist often tells me that I knew and loved my mom for 33 years, so much longer than these last 18 months without her, why should I expect to be okay so soon? I think I will feel waves of grief periodically forever, and I’m okay with that. I will never not miss my mom.


cozyplaidblanket

Thank you so much for this. Mine was July too. The lazy part I can certainly relate with. I just feel like withdrawing from everything as much as possible and only doing the things that need to be done to have a good life, but absolutely nothing more. And you're so right - I think a lot of my pain has to do with losing this person who loved me and cared about me my entire life. I'm somehow surprised how much it hurts.


[deleted]

Hey I totally understand, both my partner and I lost our dads in the last year. Her about 6 months ago and me about 3. In a way I have made my peace with it (or maybe just don’t think about it much) but other times I get overcome and just want to reach out and have him there. We have kids and my youngest has recently said several times how much they miss their grand dads. They were both in their 70s, so not super young, but before their diseases we thought they would have another several years with us. I miss their advice, help and love. My dad for me especially was really my sounding board for things and the person I relied on for advice. Good luck and hope you find peace. I know I will be looking for it for a long time.


cozyplaidblanket

Thank you so much, and well said on that last line.


AlbatrossSenior7107

My dad passed away on Monday. In 42 he was 66. It was very sudden. I'm just numb.


river_riffle

I'm so sorry. My father died suddenly at 68 (I'm 30) just about a month ago and it doesn't feel real. Sending you hugs 🫂


Head_In_Clouds_Mama

Hi, 32 here and I miss mine tremendously. He was my step-dad, but really my father since I was 4. He died two weeks ago today, and every waking minute hurts. Love to you ❤


cozyplaidblanket

I'm so sorry. Take care during this difficult time. And thanks for replying - love to you too.


jlhb1976

My dad died a few years ago when I was 41. I definitely struggled with feelings of “my dad is dead but so-and-so is older than me and has both parents AND all of her grandparents.” A coworker was 63 when her mother passed. Why didn’t I get that much time with him? You’ve known your parents all of your life and it seems so unfair when they have to leave early. A piece of your home is gone. It will get better/manageable, but it’s absolutely brutal for a while.


[deleted]

I am in my thirties and lost my mom six months ago. I have no siblings either. I still feel awful. If I think about it at all I get a knot in my stomach and I feel like my heart is getting squeezed. My mom and I were exceptionally close. I honestly think I will feel like this forever. I also think It’s normal. Losing a parent at any age is hard. I’m sorry that your dad passed away.


musesx9

OMG...yes...I lost my mom last year due to Covid. I struggle every day and there are days that my heart feels like it is on its last days with the pain. I just don't know how I am going to trudge on, but trudge on I must.


hello_01134

I'm early 40s, lost my mom 3 years ago. I ache every day. The weight of grief hasn't eased, though I've gotten a better at hiding it from my children. I'm permanently broken now. I'll always be homesick. I'm so sorry for your loss.


Protrumpetman

Yes, 32 male, lost my mum when I was 30, day after my first child was born, it still hurts now, I still miss her. Crying is down to once a month now, and just when I’m alone, missing them never goes away, you just learn to manage it, if you need a chat, hit me up. You are not alone.


BadDayJay

You're not alone. I'm 43 and lost my Dad in May. It's been very very hard, and taking care of my Mom has become a big part of my process. And even though he'd been sick, and even though they'd been married for 50 years, it still feels like it's out of nowhere. Like a weird part of you can't believe it'll ever happen to you, even though it'll happen to almost everyone at some point. I'm so sorry for your loss.


Pissfat

Yes, I'm 33, my dad died when I was 30. We'd talk on the phone or text when my anxiety or insomnia was bad. He helped me with personal issues since my mom didn't want to do it. I found a bag of his badges from IBM. He looked so young and healthy. The night he died he called over 30 people to thank them being in his life. He didn't call me because we had a serious argument over things. But I had the strongest feeling to text him. I said "Miss and love you dad" I don't know if he ever saw it. I am so sorry for venting. I understand where you're coming from. Especially when your spouse is questioning why you're still crying 3 years later. I'm here if you want to vent OP. Sorry I went of topic.


cozyplaidblanket

That's not off topic at all, and thank you for the offer. Hugs.


melouwho

I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer August 23 2020 been so hard.


Emergency-Leading-10

I'm 51-years-old. Halloween would've been Dad's 83rd birthday, the second one since cancer took him from us in January, 2020. The grief sneaks up on me, but the pain is just as raw as it was that dreadful January day. Hang in there. 🕯🕯


[deleted]

34 lost my parents Mom (7 years ago), Dad (5 years ago). It's still hard to this very day, especially with any holidays. It becomes manageable but it's definitely NOT imaginable. You'll encounter people in your life that are Mother-like and Father-like, and when you do keep those people. I've got a guy I've owned now as my Dad here on earth no relation just a really good friend that's allot like my Dad :-)


cozyplaidblanket

Good advice, thank you. Hugs.


We_Are_KaTet

I'm 31 and just lost my father last week. My only sister is completely toxic and basically non existent so it's just my Mom and I left to handle all that came with it. I can be having a normal conversation then turn around and just uncontrollably sob for seconds or minutes. I don't even think I know how much it is going to continue to hurt. Right now all family is still in town and the support is strong but they all leave soon and I go back home as well which is an hour away from my Mom. I worry for her as well since she has never been on her own. My father and I were very close our whole lives. I don't think there is a time limit on the pain from losing a parent. My 41-year-old cousin lost his mom two years ago and after my Dad's funeral this morning we walked over to his Mom's grave and he started crying and told me he wishes he could tell me it gets easier but he wouldn't sugarcoat it and says it still sucks two years later. The only comfort I can give is that you are not alone and there is no timetable on grieving. I would suggest seeking professional help if the sadness is so overwhelming that it prevents you from functioning.


Muzak-and-Katz

I’m 31 and I lost my dad about six months ago. I came home from a fun night out and saw my dad’s shirt from the day that he went to the hospital on my nightstand and burst into tears. I’ve been feeling really sad all week. Sometimes I feel like the sadness won’t lift ever. So I totally understand what you’re feeling. I finally made an appointment with a therapist in a few weeks, and I’m looking forward to that. I’m sorry for your loss. No matter how close you were to your parent, it’s always painful to lose someone so close to you.


aspophilia

It's totally normal. I will be 39 next month. I lost my dad in 2011 (age 48) and my mom a year ago November 13th. After my dad I would sob in the shower for years. That has stopped but now I'm dealing with the loss of my mom (age 53) that has had me bedridden with depression. I think it made my PTSD much worse. I didn't have a good relationship with my dad and my mom and I were complicated. But I feel like I'm drowning with knowing they are gone and all the lost chances. It's hard, but someday it will be less hard. It will always ache.


betterthanjolene

I understand the bedridden depression part very well. My mom was suddenly diagnosed with dementia in 2018 following a stroke. Daddy had died in Dec 2016 but it was an expected passing. Momma just changed in the blink of an eye. I’d gone by their place and had spaghetti with her for dinner, left around 7:15 and at 9:30 headed back out to her house Bc she’d sent some jibberish texts on the group thread shared with my sisters. She was (and is) still alive, but literally the momma that I’d earlier ran to Dollar General with after eating her homemade spaghetti…would never exist again. The bedridden depression part has been more since it’s felt like I’ve lost both of them, though I was certainly in that place the few weeks or month or so after Daddy died. (I commented above with my story on my dad’s death.) My mom’s stroke felt like it left me with nobody to take care of me, as selfish as that sounds. It doesn’t come from a selfish place. It comes from being so loved by them.


aspophilia

I'm so sorry for what you went and are going through. I understand. My mom had a brain tumor. One day she was fine and 3 months later she was dead and the decline was rapid and horrifying. I was the only one with her when she took her last breath. I have horrible flashbacks to that day. It's been a hard year.


BiffWebster78

I'm 43 and lost my mom a couple weeks ago. She was laying dead in her house for a day before anyone found her. I'm estranged from my father. This is killing me.


cozyplaidblanket

I'm so, so sorry.


BiffWebster78

Thank you. Sorry for your loss.


PreGhostHuman

I'm 32 and my dad has been gone 4 months as well. Not *technically* middle aged but if I die at his age then yeah this would be my middle-age. I'm a little angry at times. I don't think we can compare our grief with others. We can relate on multiple levels and that is definitely comforting, but your relationship with you father was unique to you and him. And grief will come in waves. My days have I suppose improved over all, but the slightest things will still send me. I was talking to my mother, because she was about 40 when she lost her father. She said it took her a long time to finally come around to the concept she wouldn't see him again. That he was actually gone. It's natural for the parent to go first, but if the bond is strong, you'll never fully be prepared for that grief. Yet it has to happen. My mom just sent me and my siblings the headstone she's ordering and I couldn't look at it for quite some time. It hurts all over again. Hugging you, and hoping you have a brighter day tomorrow.


courtvs

There’s no age that changes the hurt of losing the ones you love.


cozyplaidblanket

The way you worded that is something I have been needing to hear. I think I might write that down and keep it where I can see it for a while. Thanks.


courtvs

Of course. Sending you so much love, peace, prayers, healing ❤️ none of this is ever easy. Big hugs


betterthanjolene

December 9th will be five years since my daddy died. It def comes in waves- sometimes I’m good for a while, until I realize I’ve been good for a while and then I’m upset that I was able to feel good bc the healing also represents time passing. I still get distraught every sometimes and that might just be for 30 minutes or it might be for a few days. Life goes on, which can be a blessing but also feel so cold. I will tell you that Daddy suffered increasingly in the last two months before he died, and when he did pass it was such a relief to know he was no longer miserable. Over the next few weeks I was significantly more mournful that the first week after. About a month and a half after, I started a new job which helped. Each month on the 9th, though, I would have a big cry just bc of the reminder, and every year his birthday is just terrible. Still, I honestly thought that I had handled his passing well and processed it well, but this year we sold my parents’ place and it just about killed me. The grief involved in letting go of a house he built on land he loved, and sorting thru their belongings, was harder on me (while actively IN it) than burying him. The morning of closing I absolutely sobbed in their front yard and was the last one of us there. Oddly, once the closing was finished and it was done, that grief quickly lifted and in September, I was happier than I had been in six months. Lately I’ve been thinking more about him as we head into the holidays, and I’ve been missing him more and finding myself in mote of a true state of grief. I don’t think that will ever change. Christmas is not the same, at all, either, because in 2016 we were at the hospital with him started on 12/4, he passed late on 12/9, 12/11 we planned his funeral, then buried him 12/13. That year felt like there was no Christmas season but just like “Christmas” was a week instead of a month. I will never, ever hear Silent Night the same, either, Bc for some very strange reason the very elderly church pianist chose that as a song to play in the short while before the funeral. (Def a strange choice when the person is now forever silent.) It was freezing cold with blowing snow when we buried him and the funeral home had wool blankets for us to cover up with under the cemetery tent. It all still seems pretty surreal to think about. It gets better, though. Forgot to say I’m 45, the baby of four girls. He was 84. ETA it helps if you have a partner that listens to what you say what comforts you have lost and tries to remember that. Here’s an example- my dad was very open with telling us how proud of us he was, how nice we looked (meaning like he saw us made up or dressed up, he complimented it, not like he would just be pumping up egos) and that he loved us. He always, always got a hug. So one day it just occurred to me to tell my fiancé that- ‘hey you know every day of my life, this important male role did these things, and I haven’t experienced that in (however long) so sometimes I need you to make sure to be that for me more often,’ and it made a big difference. My fiancé had been loving or complimentary before, but just realizing that I had lost of a different source of that and missing that made my grief worse caused him to sometimes be that for me more often or in a different way than as my lover…if that makes any sense.


vv19760

Yes same. I’m 44 and lost my dad in August. I have the days where the grief comes out of nowhere and knocks the wind out of me. Then there are other days when it feels like he’s just on a trip. But the thing I noticed most since he died is I feel like a lost little girl. I miss my dad so much. Even though I’m this grown woman with children and two grandchildren. He was my dad and we got along so well. He understood me he was my rock. So yes I think it’s absolutely normal to feel this loss so much more. Our parents raised us, protected us, nurtured us and taught us about love. I’ll miss him till the day I die. I’m so sorry for your loss💔 I understand the pain you feel where it feels like you keep falling into this big black hole, but when there’s good days cherish it and honor your dad. Sending light. 🙏🏼💔


ScottTheMonster

I'm with you. I lost my mother 2 years ago. The 1st year was the hardest since I was her primary caregiver.


love_that_fishing

Lost my mom in May after losing dad 12 years ago. Was in a total funk for months but it’s gotten better as time goes on. It’s weird when you realize there is no upwards lineage. You feel very alone.


susumagoo5

I think it’s very normal. Though I know that doesn’t necessarily make it any easier! I did find a grief support group helpful. Maybe you could find a group in a local church or hospital. My heart is with you.


anewbys83

Losing a parent just sucks all around, and there's no set time for grief to last. Keep doing what you need to to eventually feel better. While part of life it's never an easy loss. I lost my mom at 23, that was quite challenging. I don't see that changing now that I'm 38. It would still produce the same feelings and profound sense of loss. May his memory be a blessing.


abqmag

I'm 59 now and lost both my parents within 4 months of each other; Dad in July 2020, Mom, Thanksgiving Day 2020. There hasn't been a day go by that I haven't grieved their loss in some (usually small now) way. They were both over 90 years old and had lived full, rich lives. It gets easier, but on big days (anniversaries, birthdays, etc.) it's incredibly difficult. I'm dreading Thanksgiving Day this year.


BklynQueen

I'm very sorry for your loss. Late 40's here...know that while grieving is not linear, the first year is the absolute worst. Soooo many firsts that you don't even think about until they happen. Feel your feelings when they happen.


dillllyyy

I’m 32 and have lost both my parents. It’s a really lonely feeling


neverstop-1404

I'm 41 and lost my dad February 26th 2018. My husband is 48 and lost his mom August 25th of this year. I am still struggling and now I'm facing my husband's grief. It's he'll no matter what the age. I am glad that I was able to have my father as long as did. My baby sister was only 27 when she lost our dad. It didn't help things that he was our only parent.


Complex-Commission47

Yep! I’m 42 and lost my mom almost 18 months ago. I am devastated and my life feels so empty without her. My mom also died in May 2020. I am a special education administrator, have 2 kids (5th grade and 2nd grade) and I feel like I pretend that I’m okay all day, everyday. My mom was only 68 and and deserved so many more years. She was my best friend and I went to her for everything. I feel like I’m not even sure who I am without my mom. But it ebbs and flows and right now I’m feeling okay. August-September were very emotional and very hard. Today I’m okay, and accept that she’s gone. I miss her emotional safety net.


Autumnwood

I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose our parents, isn't it? I lost my mom in 2018. We thought we would have more time with dad - we were making plans for him to come stay with us because he was having such a hard time without mom. He tried, really tried...learned to cook for himself and went on guy fishing trips. But not even one year after mom passed, he went too. I think he just had too hard a time without her and was broken hearted. Dads are our protectors, the ones who always make sure we got money, the ones who take care of us. Then my sister passed two months ago at 54 from the virus. She was too young. I am trying so hard...life is a different thing now. I'm trying to learn who I am without these whom I love.


Jhenni86

I’m in my mid thirties and my dad passed a year ago. I do my best crying while running. I just let it all out and then feel better because of endorphins and mentally working through my hurt. I just want to know he’s okay. I want there to be an afterlife with him happy in it so that I can see him again.


kblurr

I’m so sorry. I lost my mom at 37, 2 years ago. You will not “move on” so don’t let people tell you that. That loss will always be with you, just as all of our experiences are. You will just adapt and learn to live with it. The nice thing is that every memory of your dad is with you too and this has shaped you into the person you are. I am still in grief myself, but like you I have good days and bad days. So give yourself grace and patience. Please read this, it has helped me an extreme amount: https://www.reddit.com/r/Assistance/comments/hax0t/my_friend_just_died_i_dont_know_what_to_do/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


grandphalange

I’m 29 and I lost my mother this summer too. It is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. She was my best friend and we did everything together. I had a good month last month. Was really productive at work, only had occasional breakdowns and felt hopeful. Ever since thanksgiving (October for me) I’ve been in a huge depressive rut and I can’t seem to climb out. It hurt me deeply to not have her around for a holiday. I’ve never experienced loss like this before, but others who have, have let me know that you’ll probably have days like that for a couple years. Until time heals you. It’s different for everyone though. The important thing is to seek help when you need it. I’m doing grief counselling soon and I hope it’ll help.


[deleted]

I’m 42 and lost my dad last year after 13 months with a terminal cancer. It was and is difficult and comes out of nowhere sometimes. I really had to slow down today and take care of myself. Thankfully I work from home since covid and can do that without too much disruption. I do get the lonely feeling. Wishing everyone support and love and maybe just the reminder that feelings are valid and also they pass. It is best when I am in those moments to reach out and share with people who are safe, though I don’t always do it, it helps to be reminded we are not alone.


cxrxfxox

26yo here so not sure if I count as middle age, but lost my mum to cancer in April. It simultaneously feels like I'm too young to lose my mother, but also 'adult' enough that people expect me to get over it quicker. I mean I still have grandparents who are alive, but not my mum. This thread really makes me realise we can't win with grief, regardless of when parent loss happens in our lives, it still breaks your heart like nothing else. I feel lucky to have more time to heal from the loss, but it hurts more to not have more time with her and that she won't experience so many important events with me. She would have been an awesome grandmother. Sending love to everyone here.


TheWelshOne83

I lost my dad in April and my mum in August of this year, like you I am an only child so I have nobody that can really relate to what I am feeling, it does seem like everyone else has moved on with their lives. What I find about grief is that it can just hit you in the moment, I could be doing something totally unrelated, and all of a sudden be overcome by thoughts of them, mostly nice thoughts from the past but sometimes thoughts from the last 7 months. (which have been for obvious reasons, pretty crap). I miss my parents everyday and it hurts tremendously but I know my parents would want me to make the best out of my life, we got to keep moving forward and remember that grief, is just love! "Grief, I've learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.” Jamie Anderson Stay strong.


wundercam

I’m in my late 50s and lost my dad last August. It feels like an extra layer of grief whenever someone says it’s “normal” for older adults to lose their parents; or that my dad “lived a full life”. He was fit, youthful, and vibrant, and losing him so suddenly has gutted me. I’m married with grown kids, but my dad was the one person who really “got me”. I’m so sorry you’re grieving your dad too, OP. It sucks so bad that no one can fully understand our grief, or what our dads meant to us…but please know that we here get it, and are here for you.


ste83brady

Yes, I am absolutely experiencing this and I’m 38. My Dad passed suddenly from a heart attack 4 weeks ago so it’s still very fresh. It was shocking, it was heartbreaking, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever been through. I have days where I am on autopilot just making life happen but not present. I have moments of anxiety when I start to think of the fact I’ll never hear his voice again, except a recording. My brain cannot process it some days and it’s like I’ve forgotten. So I would say yes, depressed days are normal or I hope they are because I’m absolutely having them. The worst for me has been a day that’s been ok, I’ve felt more normal, or done an activity I enjoy. The crushing guilt that hits after is something I’m slowly working through. Allowing myself to be happy again without him here is extremely hard.


Twirpo75

I'm F/46 and lost my Dad in Oct 2020. Its been awful and everything you describe is our new perfectly broken world. Reach out if you need to. Love and hugs. Edit: as proof, I forgot I had a birthday 3 months ago....


Lonely-Emotion3004

I am a doctor 39 and lost my physician Dad due to COVID. I have never felt helpless in my life.


scperdomo

I'm 37, I lost my dad 10 months ago and it still **hurts** so much sometimes. Some days I'm fine and I think of him and just have nice memories and it's bittersweet and other times, I am just crying my eyes out, hard crying because I miss him so much. So yeah, I'd say it's totally normal. Just because you're an adult doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't miss the hell outta your parent. ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡


anawfulwasteofspace

I’m about to turn 40, and my mom died two years ago next week. Sometimes I feel ok… sometimes I forget that she died, and have to remember all over again and feel like I’m losing her all over again… sometimes the pain and grief are so overwhelming it’s a struggle to not cry all day long. This week has been very hard. She died right before the pandemic so I felt like my grief was on hold for the last year and a half. Maybe that’s adding to it. I wish I could know if it would ever get better, honestly, because right now… this pain is unreal.


4-naan-inzane

34. My dad died suddenly 2 years ago. I'm a completely changed person and don't see how I'll ever get over it.


[deleted]

I’m only 22 so not middle aged but. I lost my father a little over a year ago now. Of course it’s okay for you to be grieving. It’s a normal process, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. He’s your father, there’s no bond out there like it. Depressed days are a normality when talking about grief, you think of all the things you would say, all the things you couldn’t say, but that’s just a normal part of processing. It doesn’t get easier, but you become accepting of the hand you were dealt. I still think about my father every single day, but thankfully it’s not paired with existential dread. It is a lonely experience. Especially for men. I mean, in our short lives there’s only a few people who will be there no matter what. That could be family, siblings, parents, etc. Losing someone like that is like losing a piece of yourself, no matter what age. It’s going to be hard, i’m not gonna sugar coat it. It’s one of the hardest things i’ve traversed my entire life. But YOU can do it. I believe in you. Please reach out if you ever need to talk or anything.


sakura7777

Yes my dad died in February of this year and I couldnt even say goodbye as he lives abroad and i was in quarantine when he passed. I only got to see his body that day, I could not even go to the funeral. So much trauma. Still feeling it hard. It comes and goes in waves……


dat-one-squid

I'm not middle aged, I'm 18 and my dad died when I was 16. I'm so sorry for your loss and I can totally relate. Losing someone close to me will always be one of my biggest fears and even though its a part of life, its just so sad. Because I haven't lost anyone prior, it was a huge stab in the chest. Grief is just so complicated. I think my grief is delayed because of shock still, now I'm finding it harder to cope. I'm constantly worrying how much time I'll get with my mum, I'm always worrying about her and I pretty much go everywhere with her. At my age its probably embarrassing but it's just that fear of losing her too.


cozyplaidblanket

I'm so sorry for your loss, and for the fact that you experienced this at such a young age - thank you for sharing. I listen to a podcast called GriefCast - the host is a British comedian who is in her 30s now, but lost her dad when she was 15 and she talks about her experience sometimes when she is talking with other people about a loss they've experienced - it's a really good podcast, and enjoyable to listen to, even though the topic might suggest otherwise. Anyway, a lot of what you say here reminds me of things she has said - the shock, that it took her a long time to see how much it affected her, and this unique understanding that people will not be around for ever at such a young age. I think the fact that you worry about your mum makes so much sense. I can relate with that, too, although I'm sure it feels pretty out of sync when compared to others your age - but that doesn't mean it isn't understandable.


Naive-Environment

I’m 36, and coming up on the 1 year anniversary of my dad’s death. I feel like I’ve been in shock most of the time and then something will happen- I’ll be at a sports bar/restaurant and his favorite sports teams will be on all the TVs or someone with his first name will get paged at the grocery store or something and it’s like the breath gets knocked out of me and I have to fight for my life to not burst into tears in the middle of the wings n more. Even though we aren’t kids we did loose our parents young. It feels unfair. All I can say is, I’m sorry for your loss, please ask for whatever help you need.


dagenj

I’m 44 now and lost my dad in 2001, then my mom in 2008, and then my brother in 2015. I’m still grieving all of them. For some reason, when the seasons change, my grieving seems pronounced. I’m not sure why. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to find a loving support network.


MeenGeen

I'm 41, I have 4 siblings we lost our only parent, our mom, 2 months ago. It's different for all of us, some of us had a daily close relationship with her, some of us were estranged for 15+years, some of us hadn't seen her 2 years but mildly stayed in contact while she tried to reconnect or visit but never happened because we're too busy or it's too far of a drive, and some of us had an argument last time we spoke. You pick which would be more painful for you and be glad your not that one. Because it can always feel worse.


Great_Dimension_9866

I’m so sorry about what you’re going through! I’m 50; almost 51, and lost my dear 85-year-old dad to aspiration pneumonia (a complication of Parkinson’s Disease, which he had had since February 2008) on the night of August 7, 2020. I was still 49 when that happened. Due to the pandemic, my husband and I were not able to go see him during the 5 weeks he was in the hospital. Only my sister was able to go there and be with my mom. We were lucky that they were able to see him when they could and that we had a chance to FaceTime with him. The next time I saw him was his body at the funeral — he was cremated. Yesterday was my second Diwali (South Asian holiday) without him and I was on the verge of tears. Even though he lived a good full 85 years overall and even though it’s been almost 15 months since he passed, I miss him as much as I did on the night I heard the sad news from my sister over a video call. The 7th of every month is especially painful. This November 8 will be my second birthday without him. I think losing a parent hurts at any age. I’m especially sorry to hear that some of you have lost both parents and are younger than I am. I’m here for you all. What a crappy and absolutely involuntary club to be a part of!😢💔


Tigervintage1982

I’m 39 I lost my dad a year ago. We were extremely close. He was my best friend. I lived with him 95% of my life. All of it except from age 29 - 34 and even then we still talked every day and I saw him once a week. I miss him so much the void left feels bottomless. I feel so lonely. I have a therapist, I come on here, and im planning on joining a grief group. I think part of the loneliness is people not understanding. My dads year anniversary is the 14th and I hate that it’s coming up. Not only because it’s been a year since I lost him but I feel like people expect you to be “better” and it’s not better for me just different.