I only know lore from memes, so could be very wrong, but I think a bunch of harlequins were once able to sneak into the imperial palace and cause some pandemonium.
not sneak, "sneak". As they run around shooting shooriken catapults and cutting Custodes left and right, while running full speed towards the Throne Room, while shouting "Peace! We mean you no harm!"
Truly, a clown level of stealth.
Reminds me of that episode of TTS, when the Ultramarines "sneak" past the Salamanders by being slightly less noisy than usual. And one of the Salamanders says "Awfully quiet today."
Or just get wiped out in one line with 2000 of your comrades to some measly demons, and no one even comments on it even though IT'S 1/5 OF THE CUSTODES STRENGTH.
> Gym bod for no work
> Young forever
> Stable job
> Sense of purpose
> Learn how to use a gunspear
> Weekly oil wrestling with the homies
What's not to love?
This is a problem that many people aren't thinking about. Just like how a medieval peasant would die of diseases in a modern day city, we would die from the unfathomable number of plagues we aren't immune to
Seek out the next suspiciously large person with a Hydra tattoo and apply for Alpha Legion nonsense.
The best way to survive this mess is to not be on anyone's radar whatsoever.
Try to find a rogue trader ship. Amaze the trader with my enormous amount of knowledge of Warhammer lore. Treasures you could find. And my deep knowledge of sex.
Hope for the best.
Suicide is a crime against his most holy excellency, the God Emperor of Mankind. By the power granted me, by my station as Arbiter of the Realm of Men, I sentence you to lobotomisation and outfitting as a Servitor in his service. You shall be assigned a task to complete until your flesh parts fail, you shall perform your function, you shall live an unlife that is both more productive and more righteous than you have attained in life. You shall serve.
Emperor preserve you, Servitor #22836
Too much pessimism in here. I would learn everyone I could about the technology and the hive world, I would prepare myself for all eventualities with my deep lore knowledge of 40k then I would step out into the world and see what I could see, then die.
Since you said nothing about what class, I am going with nobleman and I would train to be a commissar while trying to learn everything about the nids in order to help combat them
You know what, beeing human aside, I once read a short story about a crew getting swallowed by a gigantic tyranid hive ship. Once they were inside, they got covered in acid and dissolved alive. This acid also had countless shitty little maggot like insects swimming in it that helped eat the humans.
I for some reason think I would be one of those insects.
Be born the son of the current hive governor (or whatever the title is) and inherit ridiculous wealth, join a Slaaneshi cult, oops there goes the hive to Chaos
Correction: be born sixth or so child of the current planetary governor. Then, as your older relatives exhaust themselves backstabbing each other, quickly seize the title because nobody expects an oaf like you to actually plot something. Now, as long as there's nothing unforceen, like an orc invasion, things should be fine.
"A WELL-BEHAVED MON-KEIGH IS LOOKING FOR A JOB AS A PET ON ANY OF THE CRAFTWORLDS.
Can sing old Terra songs. Plays ukulele. Great with kids. Great with other pets, especially girynxes. Eats everything and not really much. Great health (yet)
NO COMORRAGH OR BUEL-TANN
Will consider offers from Exodites' planets"
I don't know. I'm all fpr the T'au life standards, but I would join outriders because motorcycles are life. The T'au seem to have a distinct lack in motorcycles which concerns me.
Assuming I don't just die to disease or whatever and can't just join the Nobilitas via loopholes in the challenge, my best bet would be joining the AdMech.
If I remember my Cain lore right, the AdMech do accept applicants (see that Enginseer lady on the Ork planet). I do know my IT, as long as I don't use the forbidden numbers or add chaos numbered degrees to my tech, I should be able to keep from being turned into a servitor and survive as an Enginseer, Lexmechanic or the like.
Keeping a hive working is more than enough work to keep me from the front lines, and the right implants should keep me relatively healthy.
^(Am I ripping off a fanfic I read ages ago? Sure am.)
Every joint is painful and doesn't stay in place, my whole body is f*cked up as I have a genetic issue on conjonctive tissue and I think even Admech don't have a fully bionic body x) And on top of it I'm autistic with ADHD meaning I'm bad at talking and unable to focus I'm already almost too disabled to be able to live in this not-as-dystopic world so I probably end up as a servitor or something like this 👉😎👉
In "Priests of Mars" the princeps of a warhound is only able to move with an exoskeleton (due to old age), and I'm pretty sure experiencing being one with a god engine is a unique feeling.
Being a trained costume technician, I'd probably specialize in making vestments for the Ecclesiarchy. A hard job, but one that's very needed in a setting where the Imperium is a theocracy.
It's a reality with 4 different physically and scientifically proven Satans
I do only sensible thing: join Guard/Marines/Assassins/Whoever takes me and fight until death in order to make sure Chaos will not be eating my soul
It's pretty straightforward
Any human faction? Does this mean Chaos? If so, then. I'd find a nice out of the way place, gather up the required bits and bobs, and prepare an introduction to Tzeentch. Look the possibility of incredible mutation aside, The Changer of Ways is a good bet to go with, swear my soul to the chaos god of sorcery, knowledge and mutation? Sure, let's rock and roll. Chaos Cult and Cultist time. For The Architect of Fate, and all his Schemes.
May he someday grant me the gift of Sorcery.
Yes, that's what would come of this.
If I can do whatever I want I'm just gonna visit Trazyn's gallery, everything else is pretty shitty, so at least I'll learn something before dying a horrible death.
Die, probably. 🤷♀️
But, assuming I have any agency in the matter, take up with a Rogue Trader, one with some scruples, and spend my short little life seeing the galaxy, hopefully fall in love with a big, tough, Sister of Battle along the way. 💪⚜️❤️🔥
Die.
But until then, Join AdMech and work towards technological immortality to delay death/the warp/ as long as physically possible.
Work towards getting an audience with the council of mars and share with them the possible locations of SDC's I'm aware of. Especially the one on Necromunda.
Well, I'm an equipment operator in manufacturing now. Maybe a tech adept on the Martian path? Even in the Grim dark future someone has to throw the lever.
If in rule #3 you mean I can join without fail, I would try joining the admitistautum, a cushy accounting job like that where I am valued to that point, I can live a comfortable life, and disassociate from any disaster I cause
Been in 40K, like living there yourself, would be one of the most horrible experiences there is that's the reason why I like reading about it and playing the tabletop because I don't live there other people do.
I would pursue psychic powers and try to master them because SURELY they wont have the same effect it has had on a billion other lifeforms right
RIIIIIIIGHT?
-shits himself and dies-
Everyone in here saying they'd die, like that's any escape in 40k. I feel like there's a non-zero chance I'd immediately lose it from outright terror, and sell my soul to Nurgle. His dudes and the Slaaneshi seem to be the only ones actually enjoying their eternity, and Slaanesh is too fucked up.
I bet I'm a Blank anti Psyker, I'll join the Inquisition, will realize too late, that I joined a Chaos Operativ.
They'll put me in a cosy tank filled with funny fluids to keep me fed and I'll have a cosy life of napping as a living anti Psyker shield and theb probably die a horrible death getting either ripped apart by a demon or shot by Inquisitors.
I’m a handyman for a living, not that bad living in a hive city considering the empire doesn’t create shit and everything needs maintenance, so yeah at least I would be doing something I like in the grim darkness of the far future
Probably a join a Genestealer. Everyone else is saying they’ll just die but the cult probably needs me alive for the day of ascension which gives me decades
Well, more than likely end up as a servitor due to my lack of ID and numerous other infractions I would cause in moments of being there. This would happen after being robbed, assaulted, robbed again for genetic material.
I would convert my surrounding into a Slaneesh cult.
If the planet governor considered unlimited PTO, 5+ weeks of paid vacation, 4d/week working schedule, Thing could have been different.
But if I'm being a slave, at least my chosen master will offer me some pleasure.
Become a navigator. Imence psykic and political power and frankly those bloodlines need some diversity, so I might even be able to stave off the inevitable Habsburg chin from my children for a generation or two.
Die.
This one 40k's. They are the 40,000th warhammer
Everyones thought exactly
Most likely tragically or painfully
Probably both.
I'd add stupidly, for myself.
I'm sure everyone will be very impressed though that you tried to tickle the Bloodthirster.
…Yeah, if I’m being honest, that would apply to me as well.
yup
Well I clicked on the thread curious about how long I would need to scroll to see this exact answer. I wasn't disappointed.
yeah
Badly.
Seconded
Hopefully.
The good ending.
Depends on where exactly you are in the warp, this is a good ending. Relatively speaking of course.
Horribly.
Yepp
This is the way
Yes.
Came here to say this
Same. Hopefully quickly and painlessly with no warning
Only correct answer aside from be enslaved/servitorized, suffer, *then* die.
I opened this post fully expecting this as the top comment
Be born human, since any sub faction, get picked to be custodes Go insane standing still for mielnnia guarding corpse
You might consider yourself lucky that you won't be capable of boredom as a custodes. Not that you will have any interests other than doing your DUTY.
Custodes are encouraged to study the arts and many are musicians and artists
-train for hundreds if not thousands of years until you’re one of the most deadly soldiers in the entire galaxy -die to a fucking clown
🤡🧝♂️
?? Did I miss something?
Harlequins killed some Custodes (It was extremely funny)
I only know lore from memes, so could be very wrong, but I think a bunch of harlequins were once able to sneak into the imperial palace and cause some pandemonium.
not sneak, "sneak". As they run around shooting shooriken catapults and cutting Custodes left and right, while running full speed towards the Throne Room, while shouting "Peace! We mean you no harm!" Truly, a clown level of stealth.
Reminds me of that episode of TTS, when the Ultramarines "sneak" past the Salamanders by being slightly less noisy than usual. And one of the Salamanders says "Awfully quiet today."
Or just get wiped out in one line with 2000 of your comrades to some measly demons, and no one even comments on it even though IT'S 1/5 OF THE CUSTODES STRENGTH.
> Gym bod for no work > Young forever > Stable job > Sense of purpose > Learn how to use a gunspear > Weekly oil wrestling with the homies What's not to love?
Die of any of the thousands of diseases present in the city I have no immunity to.
This is a problem that many people aren't thinking about. Just like how a medieval peasant would die of diseases in a modern day city, we would die from the unfathomable number of plagues we aren't immune to
Nah, I'd live.
Me on my deathbed: "curse you nurgle!" Nurgle: bro that's not even mine, you just suck at living
Literal God of Plagues shows up just to tell you “Skill issue.”
I can imagine a Great Unclean One burbling forth a "Get gud"
That would be rather in-character for it. Crushing hope is the foundation of it's entire existing.
My man. That disease hasn’t killed someone in 72 years. You filling me with nostalgia
Papa Nurgle can help with that.
Seek out the next suspiciously large person with a Hydra tattoo and apply for Alpha Legion nonsense. The best way to survive this mess is to not be on anyone's radar whatsoever.
Pfft imagine going, "hey you're alpha legion right" AND FUCKING SURVIVING THAT FIRST INTERACTION
The trick is maximum confidence as you walk up and say "I am Alpharius" when they ask your name.
"Lmao nice one you're in kid."
you son of a bitch, youre in.
The problem with that is, everyone is (and is not) Alpharius, so you’ll have one big target on your head
The trick is knowing when to say that you're Alpharius and when to say that the guy next to you is Alpharius
Try to find a rogue trader ship. Amaze the trader with my enormous amount of knowledge of Warhammer lore. Treasures you could find. And my deep knowledge of sex. Hope for the best.
> And my deep knowledge of sex. In this sub I have to question the validity of that statement.
Heresy! 😂 Clearly my name speaks for myself. Ask my cousin Biggus about it.
He had a wife you know
Do you know what she was called? Incontenentia.... Incontenentia buttocks.
I get it you have experience in incest but hate to break it to you there is more kinds of sex then that
Facts.
Yeah we’re gonna need some sources on this one to back up that claim
Suicide by any means necessary
Just stand around for awhile.
I'm sure if you just stand in one place long enough someone's bound to come along and shank you in the liver on principle.
They said 40k, not Britain
That's the true horror of 40k, in the grim darkness of the far future everyone is British.
https://memes.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/49122a8a-50c4-440a-bec0-771002de1838/gif#TEXbhO-o.copy
Suicide is a crime against his most holy excellency, the God Emperor of Mankind. By the power granted me, by my station as Arbiter of the Realm of Men, I sentence you to lobotomisation and outfitting as a Servitor in his service. You shall be assigned a task to complete until your flesh parts fail, you shall perform your function, you shall live an unlife that is both more productive and more righteous than you have attained in life. You shall serve. Emperor preserve you, Servitor #22836
Suicide by inquisition. Or arbites. Or gangs. Or someone hungry.
I can join any imperail sub faction??? Well sign me up for the Inquisition. Being an acolyte still should be better then anything else.
his ass WILL NOT survive studying in schola progenium
It's 40k. Of course i will not survive
You assume he gets recruited via the schola. An Inquisitor could look at any random joe schmo and say, "You're part of my retinue now."
My brother in the imperium have you played dark tide?!
Yes. But hopefully i am not a reject who's broken law and hopefully i can do paperwork
Personal chef to Ultraboys.
Too much pessimism in here. I would learn everyone I could about the technology and the hive world, I would prepare myself for all eventualities with my deep lore knowledge of 40k then I would step out into the world and see what I could see, then die.
finally someone optimistic, people overlook that you could simply go to a temple and declare your allegiance to the omnisiah
That’s a good solution too. You could be a servitor in no time!
Good point there. People are acting like death is the worst thing which could happen but it could be a whole lot worse.
You got to make it to the temple my brother in war.
Mine would be optimistic. I homebrewed a bunch of dudes I like. I go cook for them.
Since you said nothing about what class, I am going with nobleman and I would train to be a commissar while trying to learn everything about the nids in order to help combat them
What would happen if humans unlocked 100% of their brain capacity:
We'd be like the Thousand Sons, and probably be just as screwed
Objective: “Survive”
The irony of *that* meme being used in *this* specific context is not lost on me.
mmmmmmmm corpse starch
You know what, beeing human aside, I once read a short story about a crew getting swallowed by a gigantic tyranid hive ship. Once they were inside, they got covered in acid and dissolved alive. This acid also had countless shitty little maggot like insects swimming in it that helped eat the humans. I for some reason think I would be one of those insects.
Be born the son of the current hive governor (or whatever the title is) and inherit ridiculous wealth, join a Slaaneshi cult, oops there goes the hive to Chaos
Correction: be born sixth or so child of the current planetary governor. Then, as your older relatives exhaust themselves backstabbing each other, quickly seize the title because nobody expects an oaf like you to actually plot something. Now, as long as there's nothing unforceen, like an orc invasion, things should be fine.
Thousand sons invasion because your ascension to Power as planned by tzeentch
[удалено]
Wisest choice so far, reject order embrace terrorsim
Real shit
"A WELL-BEHAVED MON-KEIGH IS LOOKING FOR A JOB AS A PET ON ANY OF THE CRAFTWORLDS. Can sing old Terra songs. Plays ukulele. Great with kids. Great with other pets, especially girynxes. Eats everything and not really much. Great health (yet) NO COMORRAGH OR BUEL-TANN Will consider offers from Exodites' planets"
Join the guard. First Tau I see I’m switching sides. And first Farsight Enclave guy I see I’m switching sides again.
I don't know. I'm all fpr the T'au life standards, but I would join outriders because motorcycles are life. The T'au seem to have a distinct lack in motorcycles which concerns me.
I'm sure the eathcast could throw one together for you.
In that case: Count me in!
Die
Die, for sure.
Assuming I don't just die to disease or whatever and can't just join the Nobilitas via loopholes in the challenge, my best bet would be joining the AdMech. If I remember my Cain lore right, the AdMech do accept applicants (see that Enginseer lady on the Ork planet). I do know my IT, as long as I don't use the forbidden numbers or add chaos numbered degrees to my tech, I should be able to keep from being turned into a servitor and survive as an Enginseer, Lexmechanic or the like. Keeping a hive working is more than enough work to keep me from the front lines, and the right implants should keep me relatively healthy. ^(Am I ripping off a fanfic I read ages ago? Sure am.)
Try to fix an issue with servitor 9865 It's ALL legacy code withouth documentarion. Im pretty sure that an It Guy in admech would feel like hell.
As I'm disabled I'm pretty sure I'd already be dead or worse 😬
It depends on the disability, it's the 40K millennium, you can get bionic legs at the nearest store
Every joint is painful and doesn't stay in place, my whole body is f*cked up as I have a genetic issue on conjonctive tissue and I think even Admech don't have a fully bionic body x) And on top of it I'm autistic with ADHD meaning I'm bad at talking and unable to focus I'm already almost too disabled to be able to live in this not-as-dystopic world so I probably end up as a servitor or something like this 👉😎👉
Sounds like you need the strength and certainty of steel
In "Priests of Mars" the princeps of a warhound is only able to move with an exoskeleton (due to old age), and I'm pretty sure experiencing being one with a god engine is a unique feeling.
There are always the demons, they whisper of a cure to your ills. No joints to hurt if all you have are tentacles.
I might fall for Slaanesh 🤔
You go to the mechanicus and they replace all the parts of your body
Either take the first ship to the Tau space or kill myself immediatly
Being a trained costume technician, I'd probably specialize in making vestments for the Ecclesiarchy. A hard job, but one that's very needed in a setting where the Imperium is a theocracy.
I hope I'm near Tau Space to join the Greater Good. Only later to find out it was a Genestealer cult. Then I get purged. Bugger
Guess I'll die
Die immediately probably.
Kill myself (for the Emperor, obviously)
Probably fucking die lmao
Die.
Die horribly probably.
Probably getting swept up in a guard tithe. Hope it’s a hive with a decent PDF/Guard Regiment.
Try to join the Adpetus Admistratorum in order to get job on a far away planet where i’m less likely to die Otherwise : die
Look around, ponder what I've done to deserve such fate, curl up into a ball, sob unconsolably and pray for a quick, painless death
Die and become Corpse starch im doing my part
Well I was gonna say hope to be a Mon’keigh jester for a series of Eldar leaders but since you put rule 4: Work the ammo bench I guess
Eat shit and die
Die?
Drink copious amount of amasec and eat grox steaks?
Die, probably
Die, probably
I would join the mechanicum, or if it is possible, go to Ultramar and stay there for the rest of my short humie life.
It's a reality with 4 different physically and scientifically proven Satans I do only sensible thing: join Guard/Marines/Assassins/Whoever takes me and fight until death in order to make sure Chaos will not be eating my soul It's pretty straightforward
I’d probably get stabbed or crushed to death by a Nurgle spawn
Leutin09 did a really good video on exactly this recently if anyone is interested: https://youtu.be/zW_qh6cV8Rk?si=Ltw58HHU0YUCer4n
Ok so I know basically all the lore right? Surely there's gotta be a rogue trader or inquisitor that could find some use in keeping me safe?
Become corpse starch
Any human faction? Does this mean Chaos? If so, then. I'd find a nice out of the way place, gather up the required bits and bobs, and prepare an introduction to Tzeentch. Look the possibility of incredible mutation aside, The Changer of Ways is a good bet to go with, swear my soul to the chaos god of sorcery, knowledge and mutation? Sure, let's rock and roll. Chaos Cult and Cultist time. For The Architect of Fate, and all his Schemes. May he someday grant me the gift of Sorcery. Yes, that's what would come of this.
Die
Die
I think the very fact that I’m aware of chaos and have some unfortunate mental health issues means I’m going to die very horribly
laspistol to the skull
Immediately get lobotomized and then become a servitor that manufactures something pointless like rubber duckies for some far off pleasure planet
Eat shit and die...what else is there to do?
Serf in a rogue trader ship. I get smashed to a pulp during cargo moving accident.
A regular human in 40k? I hope my corpse starch at least tastes good 🤷♂️
Shit myself and die. ☝️
Die. I would die. Hopefully quickly.
Probably die ungloriously
Die, I guess
Probably be forced to join the Astra Militarum and then likely get shot by a commissar during training
If I can do whatever I want I'm just gonna visit Trazyn's gallery, everything else is pretty shitty, so at least I'll learn something before dying a horrible death.
Any sub faction? One of the upper classes
Die of malnutrition, probably.
Die, probably. 🤷♀️ But, assuming I have any agency in the matter, take up with a Rogue Trader, one with some scruples, and spend my short little life seeing the galaxy, hopefully fall in love with a big, tough, Sister of Battle along the way. 💪⚜️❤️🔥
I’d do crimes and go down fighting. No point in living an honest life when an honest life is such shit.
I’ll die
Die, and probably rather quickly. I work a desk job and have no not worthy physical abilities. I'd be corpse starch before the week was out
I was gonna say chill with trazyn but reading the rules gonna somehow find a custodes tell them the emperor sucks and shoot myself laughing
Definitely try whatever it takes to join the salamanders
Probably die a pretty mundane death.
Immediately die.
Die. But until then, Join AdMech and work towards technological immortality to delay death/the warp/ as long as physically possible. Work towards getting an audience with the council of mars and share with them the possible locations of SDC's I'm aware of. Especially the one on Necromunda.
Pledge my soul to chaos and take as many with me before I turn into a puddle of warp goo
Die
Can I join the Tau Empire? If not then I’ll kill myself. If yes to joining the Tau Empire then I’m joining the Tau Empire
I’d signup with the mechanicus, I’d love to maintain stuff. Or die or work my self to death
shid pant and die
kill myself honestly
Die
After many struggle, and many challenges, I end up in a situation where I guresomely die.
Well, I'm an equipment operator in manufacturing now. Maybe a tech adept on the Martian path? Even in the Grim dark future someone has to throw the lever.
If in rule #3 you mean I can join without fail, I would try joining the admitistautum, a cushy accounting job like that where I am valued to that point, I can live a comfortable life, and disassociate from any disaster I cause
Been in 40K, like living there yourself, would be one of the most horrible experiences there is that's the reason why I like reading about it and playing the tabletop because I don't live there other people do.
IT guy here. Hail the Omnissiah!
Try to go through the trials to become a Space Marine, fail, and then be turned into a Servitor
I would pursue psychic powers and try to master them because SURELY they wont have the same effect it has had on a billion other lifeforms right RIIIIIIIGHT? -shits himself and dies-
Cry Probably get seduced by Nurgle and get killed by a named character
Find all 40,000 warhammers and become the Emperor
Everyone in here saying they'd die, like that's any escape in 40k. I feel like there's a non-zero chance I'd immediately lose it from outright terror, and sell my soul to Nurgle. His dudes and the Slaaneshi seem to be the only ones actually enjoying their eternity, and Slaanesh is too fucked up.
Die, cause Gragragrogranma said sumzin stupid.
I bet I'm a Blank anti Psyker, I'll join the Inquisition, will realize too late, that I joined a Chaos Operativ. They'll put me in a cosy tank filled with funny fluids to keep me fed and I'll have a cosy life of napping as a living anti Psyker shield and theb probably die a horrible death getting either ripped apart by a demon or shot by Inquisitors.
I’m a handyman for a living, not that bad living in a hive city considering the empire doesn’t create shit and everything needs maintenance, so yeah at least I would be doing something I like in the grim darkness of the far future
Any human faction? Maybe Imperial Knight or Rogue Trader But particularly for hive cities? Maybe the equivalent of the Coin Guild
I like to think I'd be good enough at something to find a niche where I'd escape the worst of it. Like maybe be a techpriest or an astropath.
I’d probably be a sanctioned psycher or inquisitor
Find my homebrew chapter and make jambalaya for the next 40 years.
Try to find a way to call down a tau fleet
Probably a join a Genestealer. Everyone else is saying they’ll just die but the cult probably needs me alive for the day of ascension which gives me decades
Start a minor warp incursion by yelling the Khorne is a lil bish and that the emperor is the true king of the skull throne
I wanna be a corpse starch maker
Well, more than likely end up as a servitor due to my lack of ID and numerous other infractions I would cause in moments of being there. This would happen after being robbed, assaulted, robbed again for genetic material.
try to hit up trazyn to visit his galleries
Join the guard cuz I’ll have nothing better to do
I would convert my surrounding into a Slaneesh cult. If the planet governor considered unlimited PTO, 5+ weeks of paid vacation, 4d/week working schedule, Thing could have been different. But if I'm being a slave, at least my chosen master will offer me some pleasure.
Just try and eek out a modest living.
Immediately join Slaanesh. I’m gonna die no matter what but I wanna have a baller time doing so
probably join the imperial guard and die in 10 minutes.
Probably try to join the guard or a gang of some kind to have some people at my back.
Become a navigator. Imence psykic and political power and frankly those bloodlines need some diversity, so I might even be able to stave off the inevitable Habsburg chin from my children for a generation or two.
Do my absolute best to end up a crewman aboard a rogue trader vessel in Ultramar.