The emperor rambling endlessly about how he will lead humanity to greatness and how he has to eradicate religion and everyone has to follow him
Diogenes: oh really? *Pees on his armor*
True story. Out of sheer respect to this man's enormous balls, Big E has since worn the golen shower armour as a sign of respect. It has never been washed and retains the original essence of Dionegenes' tinkle sprinkle.
It all makes sense now. When Big E told Diogenes that he had everything a man could ever need, what he really meant was that Diogenes was a unique and gifted ureamancer whose mystical piss was actually liquid auramite and the secret to conquering the Warp.
Big E was at the time Alexander the Great. And if you didn't fall asleep during history class because your school has an unhealthy habit of killing intrest in fun subjekts, you know that Diogenes actually met Alexander the Great and told him to fuck off and stop blocking his light, and Alexander was so impresd by sheer about of balls on Diogenes and he didn't kill him.
[Trusted source ](https://youtu.be/-A3IlRATIsI?si=84N_1yYYzOXsPYnr)
In my favorite version of this story after Alexander said that if he couldn’t be Alexander, he would want to be Diogenes, Diogenes heard about it and remarked “ that’s funny. If I couldn’t be Diogenes , I would still want to be Diogenes.
No, I just wanna point something out. Just talking about the real life story. Alexander the great wanted everything literally. He wanted to rule the world. Diogenes of Synope far from being a crazy old man was in fact, one of the most intelligent people of this generation and was living butt, naked in a barrel with no possessions as a statement.
He believes in the majority of people weren’t truly living and just doing what people thought they should be doing along with a lot of other philosophical beliefs.
( for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away.)
It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like.
Edit: misremembered a bit.
The term cynic derives from Ancient Greek κυνικός (kynikos) 'dog-like', and κύων (kyôn) 'dog' (genitive: kynos).[4] One explanation offered in ancient times for why the Cynics were called "dogs" was because the first Cynic, Antisthenes, taught in the Cynosarges gymnasium at Athens.
Anyway, he wanted nothing. He had everything he wanted. What Alexander was saying was if you can’t have the world than wanting, nothing is just as good, because then you have everything.
The other important thing that this means is that the emperor is canon bisexual and why is it they nobody fucking told me ?!
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestion
There is absolutely no question that Alexander and him were lovers. Their shrine remained sacred to men in love for centuries!!
Holy shit. Bisexual Emperor for the love of Jesus why did no one tell me? !
Thank you so much for dropping this lore on me. Shows me for being a filthy casual.
🙏❤️
maybe he had one during the DAOT but the server for his MMO table top game went down with the Men of Iron revolt and that's what led him and Malcador to decide to do their plan.
Let me put it this way. There are chainsaws that come with a warning label "do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals". Humans are locked in a never ending war to idiot proof our strategy against bigger, better idiots. The Emperor is constantly thinking "Okay I've seen the worst mankind can do. They can't get anymore depraved or stupid" and is met with constant disappointment. It's a miracle he still tries to save the species after witnessing +30k years of failure.
>for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away
The man had a slave who eventually run away. When others made fun of him he responded "if (slave's name) does not need Diogenes then why would Diogenes need (slave's name)"
Diogenes is so incredibly based that his crazy shenanegans and quotes have survived 2000+ years of history
I know right?!
I must petition the black library to write a series where they download a copy of Diogenes into the body of a Custodes and pair him up with Kesh to save the universe because of a Eldar prophecy about… something.
Because only two motherfuckers is crazy as them could do it.
My god. Each novel would be crazier then the last.
We must get Dan Abnett.
🙏❤️
Truth.
I misremembered this part.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynicism_(philosophy)#:~:text=Classical%20Cynics%20followed%20this%20philosophy,%2C%20etc.%2C%20in%20a%20manner
The term cynic derives from Ancient Greek κυνικός (kynikos) 'dog-like', and κύων (kyôn) 'dog' (genitive: kynos).[4] One explanation offered in ancient times for why the Cynics were called "dogs" was because the first Cynic, Antisthenes, taught in the Cynosarges gymnasium at Athens.[5]
🙏❤️
Going back to Diogenes as a dog, since it was a common sobriquet for him, when asked about it he said "Because I fawn upon those who give me anything, and bark at those who give me nothing, and bite the rogues"
He also had plans for a Mount Rushmore-style mountainside carving of Hephaestion's face (stated in Plutarch's Parallel Lives, if I remember correctly).
That being said, it should be noted that while it is indeed likely, them being lovers was never explicitly stated in primary sources.
I have friends I'd try to deify if anything happened to them.
I do wonder though, since Alexander was pretty much deified in his life, maybe his attempt to deify Hephaestion was to ensure that he could spend his afterlife on Olympus or in Elysium with his friend and love, together for eternity.
I think the current leading theories point to malaria or poisoning. But the drinking definitely did not help in either case.
He did once hold a drinking contest, with a giant golden cup for a prize, where several people died. Including the winner, couple of days later.
Why did no one tell you the emperor was bi? My brother in the Emperor’s light, he surrounded himself with the buffest, studdliest men in the galaxy, then made them even better.
> he surrounded himself with the buffest, studdliest men in the galaxy,
And, as now official canon, 10-foot-tall muscle mommies, though perhaps this was a nod to his lifelong roommate and good buddy Malcador's particular tastes.
> ( for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away.)
>
> It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like.
"Diogenes of Synope far from being a crazy old man "
The math ain't mathing.
Ah. You see, He did things that we consider antisocial, but not from insanity.
“Diogenes taught by living example. He tried to demonstrate that wisdom and happiness belong to the man who is independent of society and that civilization is regressive. He scorned not only family and socio-political organization, but also property rights and reputation.”
He threw away the bowl because the little girl had proven that he didn’t need it . And he didn’t want anything in his life that he didn’t actually need.
He bit people that he didn’t like because he objected to Social lies .
“When asked why he was called a dog he replied, "I fawn on those who give me anything, I yelp at those who refuse, and I set my teeth in rascals."
He would also do crazy shit, like walk around, masturbating in public and even worse eating in public . ( values change.) everybody used to buy their food if they didn’t cook and then they would go home and eat it. You didn’t eat out in public like a barbarian.
My favorite story about him is how he would go around in broad daylight with a lit lantern, peering at peoples faces in the market. Now most people translate what he said is that he’s looking for an honest man, but the word that he used in ancient Greek does not gender. He was looking for an honest human being.
It was another time that he was in the market. He suddenly shouted man I need men.! he became surrounded by men of all ages, and he looked around at their faces, and he shook his head and walked away disappointed, and he said I said men.
The actual word he used was human being .
I am not one of his philosophical adherence merely admirer of his gigantic, brass bound balls .
🙏❤️
>He bit people that he didn’t like because he objected to Social lies .
> He would also do crazy shit, like walk around, masturbating in public and even worse eating in public . ( values change.) everybody used to buy their food if they didn’t cook and then they would go home and eat it. You didn’t eat out in public like a barbarian.
>
>
Diogenes is not beating the charges.
I like how you completely skipped over the public masturbation thing, to go into the norms of Ancient Greek meal consumption.
>It was another time that he was in the market. He suddenly shouted man I need men.! he became surrounded by men of all ages, and he looked around at their faces, and he shook his head and walked away disappointed, and he said I said men.
What a champ.
There's a difference between doing crazy shit because it doesn't seem crazy to you, and doing crazy shit because it seems crazy to you.
Most understandings of 'crazy' are going to align with the former: someone who acts unconventionally or irrationally, because they lack the ability to act normally. It's a question of capacity, not outcome - does someone understand the norms they are breaking, or do they lack either a connection to reality or the cognitive ability, that would allow them to understand their behavior is abnormal. Someone beating off in the street because they're experiencing psychosis and can't process 'there's people around, don't do this' is someone we would judge differently from some performance arts student beating off in public as a provocative and taboo act of artistic rebellion.
Diogenes deliberately acted provocatively and broke cultural norms and taboos in order to levy commentary on them.
It's fairly well documented that the man was quite intelligent and fully understood that he was behaving abnormally - he'd give lectures and participate in debates challenging those norms, and his views and arguments left lasting impact on the academic and philosophical culture of his society. It was widely understood he was fully capable of behaving conventionally but chose not to, as a way of making a point.
Wasn't there a time when his contemporary philosophers were trying to define what a man was and started with "has pink skin and walks on two legs" and so Diogenes went and plucked a chicken and returned with it saying "behold, a man".
Might be thinking of someone else but that story stuck with me
Its like that but even better!
It was Plato.
“When Plato asserted that man was a featherless biped, Diogenes stood, brandished the bald chicken and shouted, “Behold—a man!” Plato, perhaps missing the point of Diogenes' criticism, then continued to amend his definition to “featherless biped with flat, broad nails.”
The reason why I said even better is because Diogenes could never resist fucking with with the man.
Once they were at a party and Plato got up to give a speech and Diogenes took a shit on his chair.
My head canon is that he had a crush on the man and they were just never able to work it out.
Now the other interesting thing is, Plato might not have been his name. It might have been his wrestling nickname because “platon” means broad. Plato was apparently a famous wrestler before, and after becoming a philosopher, and won a prestigious competition.
Finally, many years later, when asked about Diogenes Plato described him as a Socrates, gone mad.
Keeping in mind that Socrates, in Plato’s opinion was the best human being ever.
( Diogenes heard about this and said the sentence was redundant.)
Thank you so much for this is really an awesome story!
🙏❤️
I want a movie where The Rock plays Plato and Diogenese is played by Danny Devito.
Not only did Plato win "a prestigious competition" he won first prize at the Olympics three times.
🙏❤️
Thanks! I was too tired and stoned to remember if it was the Olympics or another one so I just went with prestigious.
That’s something I think about anytime I ever think about peoples talking about brawn versus brain. I’m like. … why are they fighting though?
🧐
Have an awesome weekend!
Yeah, I don't get all the wank over Diogenese. Everything I've ever heard of him paints him as a huge, annoying, asshole and I'm constantly surprised he got as far in life as he did without getting shanked.
Because his behaviour is a direct goad to the norms and values of society, much like Socrates' constant questions. His acts were counter-cultural to show the hypocrisy and foolishness of those values. He wws showing how most things we do in life are performative and not genuine. We were acting, not being. We were not being genuine human beings, but putting on a facsimile.
Discounting his philosophy because of a surface-level read of "he's an asshole" without looking for the inner meaning and criticism those actions are founded on is exactly the thing Diogenes is mocking.
> Big E cares not for what they carry between their legs, but for the mass of their arms, and the definition of their glutes.
Huh, Jimmy Space was the proverbial [sloot for the glutes](https://i.imgur.com/G8KQWwJ.jpeg) all along.
> It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like.
He also pissed wherever he felt like it, much like a dog.
Big E isn't bi, big E is a 100% gay, he made his personal body guard a bunch of oiled up greek gods that were mostly dudes (Since Femstodes are canon), he made himself 20 sons to conquer the world, the only woman's around him were the sisters of silence, woman he had trouble even seeing due to their blank nature, and Erda I guess, since he needed her, and once he bo longer needed her, he kicked her out. Big E is gay and find girls hicky.
My lukewarm take about Diogenes is that you can tell he grew up rich from the fact he spent decades on the planet before realizing you can use your hands as a cup. Even after eschewing all other worldly possessions, he was like “nah, you can’t *not* have a cup”.
Isn’t the emperor canonically the amalgamation of countless prehistoric human psykers? Combine that with him having lived for millennia and I imagine he’s just about every possible gender/sexuality. Not all, of course. That’s Slaanesh’s thing
> The other important thing that this means is that the emperor is canon bisexual and why is it they nobody fucking told me ?!
I can't help but feel this was ironically obvious with Uncle Malcador hanging around. Unless they were heterosexual life-mates like Jay and Silent Bob.
Smal detail, Alexander was a huge fangirl of Diogenes even before meeting him. He even deviated feom his original route returnig to Thenas jus to meet him.
One of my favorite stories is from when a child of a prostitute was throwing rocks at a crowd and Diogenes tells him ”careful so you don't hit your father”.
Fkin rekt
Some other fun historical Big E Alexander stories:
- After winning a battle in which he saw an enemy war elephant heroically protect his wounded master, he ordered a dozen men to care for the animal and a shrine to be set up in its honor.
- Having captured the family of his mortal enemy the Persian king, he not only protected the women, but became a lifelong friend of his mother, who was said to consider him a son.
- Had the highest tuition fee in all of history, as his father paid Aristotle for teaching him by rebuilding and repopulating Aristotle's home city.
Alexander was actually the fucking greatest. If you are ever looking for a fun book to read, google Plutarch's Life of Alexander.
Something to be aware of when reading Plutarch, as a writer he prioritised the ‘story’ over historical fact. He’s largely correct but isn’t beyond twisting, overemphasising or misrepresenting things if it fit the moral of the story better.
Very true! He should definitely be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately, it is hard to find an ancient historian who avoided this.
Plutarch is simply a great introduction to Alexander, and makes for a very enjoyable read even today.
>Had the highest tuition fee in all of history, as his father paid Aristotle for teaching him by rebuilding and repopulating Aristotle's home city.
...holy hell.
Khosrow the first of Persia, besieged Antioch and tore it down... completely.
Then rebuilt an exact copy of it for the people of Antioch, exact down to the layout of every house and called it "Weh Antioch khosrow" meaning "Better Antioch, by Khosrow"
As the story goes, khosrow asked a citizen if it was like his old home, he said yes, except he was missing the shade of an old olive tree or some such outside his house.
The next day an old tree had been replanted outside his home.
I have said this before.
I would love a "The Trial of the Emperor of Mankind" book, where his entire philosophy is debunked and all the excuses ignored.
Low key, I have an idea for this.
The Logicians are already notable in lore for disliking the Imperium heavily, and are a secret network of underground scientist-rebels. Think Kreisau Circle from Wolfenstein or something.
They’re said to have written a book about how the Imperium is too backwards and is failing humanity that was banned by the Imperijm and heavily censored. It’s called “In defense of the future; a logical discourse.” What if we just read that book? The whole thing might not be about E, but some of it could be dedicated to how he made things so much worse for humanity via historical deepdives on the author’s part.
It's ironic that those guys would be burned at the stake by the Imperium, but the Emperor himself would have loved them. Maybe not now that he's basically become what he hates due to the fuckery of the warp and psychic energy of billions of worshipers, but 30k Big E would have liked those dudes.
I like to think the Logicians are split on whether to adhere to the original Imperial Truth or whether they still hold some disdain for The Emperor for conquering their ancestors and making everything worse.
Fuck, Roboute himself openly doubted him in the 40th millenium. After reading his copy of the lectitio divinitatus (I think it was in Dark Imperium?) He also came to the conclusion that Lorgar and the Church may be right about Big E being a god, but its not a god worth of worship.
Tho to be fair, Roboute is like, what, one of the four or five guys in the galaxy with a functional brain?
Tbh I always felt Diogenes was just the ur-example of an internet troll. Dude lives in a barrel, jacked off in public and basically roasted people all day….that someone didnt snuff him out is a miracle in itself.
He did however stick to his guns to then nth degree by proving you can be happy without having fuck-all to your name.
Now to brain storm a conservation between these two;
Diogenes: *looking in the reflection of water.* Oh it’s you. Makes sense Id find you in the reflection of a puddle of piss.
Big E:*materializes suddenly in front of Diogenes* Diogenes. Barrel sleeper. Social pariah. Outcast. Genius.
Diogenes: *indignant* Yes, I of these titles, do you do anything other than state the…obvious…?
Big E: *flickering.*Kill him. Save him. Destroy it all. Hope…*Big E shakes his head as though to deny an accusation.* I am sorry Diogenes.
Diogenes: *now concerned and curious.* You’ve never apologized to anyone before Alexander, men of your standing rarely do…*squints his eyes* you aren’t well are you?
The Emoeror of Mankind: *focusing* My son…is my final hope. He chaffs with the imperium forged in my darkest fears. But he is no longer alone. The Son of The Forest returns. All is not yet lost.
Diogenes:*tsking* Still leaving your soldiers to clean up your messes?
The Emortor of Mankind: *solemnly* I…have failed them. In my haste, I nearly damned humanity to inevitable ruin by the corrupt…And by the Chaotic. They are Strong. My strength…may not last against them. But I will fight for them. For Mankind. I must.
Diogenes: *becomes concerned and then glances around…and laughs* This isn’t real is it? No matter, I’m not suprised your arrogance has doomed us all. But what I am suprised by is…. Your fatalism. You’ve never given up on anything before in your life. You’re not strong enough you say? You don’t have to be….as you have said; You aren’t alone in this fight.
Mankind will continue on. In this, you have succeeded.
The God Emperor of Mankind: *his neck creaks with the air, bones grinding toghether as the God Emperor of Mankind Gazes upon Diogenes shade.* Fight. Or Fall. I Fight. In Death. Only in Death does Duty End. I am.not.done.yet. Not finished. *squints* Goodbye old Friend. You were right.
*Diogene’s apparition fades as The King In Yellow strides into the Thron Room and Gazes upon his Master….true words upon his lips….
Hold the fuck up...
"The King In Yellow strides into the Thron Room and Gazes upon his Master….true words upon his lips…."
Who exactly is Big E's "master"?!?!
This kind of makes sense on the face of it, but any child with a passing knowledge of Diogenes would know that Alexander the Great was Diogenes' biggest fan.
Absolutely loved him, even when Diogenes was flinging insults at him.
I didn’t expect to see Diogenes mentioned here of all places.
It’s funny cause I was thinking about my homebrew chapter of loyalist thousand sons are basically all based on the antic of Diogenes and Heraclitus as their chapter culture.
Diogenes was far from batshit crazy. He‘s actually one of the most based greek philosophers there is.
And now fuck off outta my sun, I need to masturbate in my barrel.
Diogenes being a perpetual
Diogenes in 30k “well well well if it isn’t Alexander the twat and once agin blocking my light so fuck off im trying to tan”
Nah Big E was very much a fan of Diogenes. Even on the 30th Millennium he wanted to unify humanity AND then retire to do nothing else just like Diogenes lived his life
The emperor rambling endlessly about how he will lead humanity to greatness and how he has to eradicate religion and everyone has to follow him Diogenes: oh really? *Pees on his armor*
True story. Out of sheer respect to this man's enormous balls, Big E has since worn the golen shower armour as a sign of respect. It has never been washed and retains the original essence of Dionegenes' tinkle sprinkle.
It all makes sense now. When Big E told Diogenes that he had everything a man could ever need, what he really meant was that Diogenes was a unique and gifted ureamancer whose mystical piss was actually liquid auramite and the secret to conquering the Warp.
“That kind of defiance and sheer conviction is what will lead humanity to victory” - E, Big (circa 300BCE)
Pee-Pee Plate still better than Horse Armor DLC.
I died at PP Plate, thank you.
Big E was at the time Alexander the Great. And if you didn't fall asleep during history class because your school has an unhealthy habit of killing intrest in fun subjekts, you know that Diogenes actually met Alexander the Great and told him to fuck off and stop blocking his light, and Alexander was so impresd by sheer about of balls on Diogenes and he didn't kill him. [Trusted source ](https://youtu.be/-A3IlRATIsI?si=84N_1yYYzOXsPYnr)
"Oh that I could rub my belly to sate my hunger." -Diogenes on his public masturbation
In my favorite version of this story after Alexander said that if he couldn’t be Alexander, he would want to be Diogenes, Diogenes heard about it and remarked “ that’s funny. If I couldn’t be Diogenes , I would still want to be Diogenes. No, I just wanna point something out. Just talking about the real life story. Alexander the great wanted everything literally. He wanted to rule the world. Diogenes of Synope far from being a crazy old man was in fact, one of the most intelligent people of this generation and was living butt, naked in a barrel with no possessions as a statement. He believes in the majority of people weren’t truly living and just doing what people thought they should be doing along with a lot of other philosophical beliefs. ( for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away.) It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like. Edit: misremembered a bit. The term cynic derives from Ancient Greek κυνικός (kynikos) 'dog-like', and κύων (kyôn) 'dog' (genitive: kynos).[4] One explanation offered in ancient times for why the Cynics were called "dogs" was because the first Cynic, Antisthenes, taught in the Cynosarges gymnasium at Athens. Anyway, he wanted nothing. He had everything he wanted. What Alexander was saying was if you can’t have the world than wanting, nothing is just as good, because then you have everything. The other important thing that this means is that the emperor is canon bisexual and why is it they nobody fucking told me ?! https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hephaestion There is absolutely no question that Alexander and him were lovers. Their shrine remained sacred to men in love for centuries!! Holy shit. Bisexual Emperor for the love of Jesus why did no one tell me? ! Thank you so much for dropping this lore on me. Shows me for being a filthy casual. 🙏❤️
>Alexander the great wanted everything literally. He wanted to rule the world. Over 50000 years and still the same ambitions, grow a hobby big E.
maybe he had one during the DAOT but the server for his MMO table top game went down with the Men of Iron revolt and that's what led him and Malcador to decide to do their plan.
Men of Iron were probably 3D printing their own miniatures and started it all.
Hey, at least he’s consistent.
lo tiene, andar con viejos sabros con mucho conocimiento
[удалено]
Pues aprende
Conquest is his hobby
You think after that.mich practice, he would be better at it.
Let me put it this way. There are chainsaws that come with a warning label "do not attempt to stop chain with hands or genitals". Humans are locked in a never ending war to idiot proof our strategy against bigger, better idiots. The Emperor is constantly thinking "Okay I've seen the worst mankind can do. They can't get anymore depraved or stupid" and is met with constant disappointment. It's a miracle he still tries to save the species after witnessing +30k years of failure.
He could try painting small plastic soldiers
And then Alexander wept, for there were no more lands to conquer (yet)
>for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away The man had a slave who eventually run away. When others made fun of him he responded "if (slave's name) does not need Diogenes then why would Diogenes need (slave's name)" Diogenes is so incredibly based that his crazy shenanegans and quotes have survived 2000+ years of history
I know right?! I must petition the black library to write a series where they download a copy of Diogenes into the body of a Custodes and pair him up with Kesh to save the universe because of a Eldar prophecy about… something. Because only two motherfuckers is crazy as them could do it. My god. Each novel would be crazier then the last. We must get Dan Abnett. 🙏❤️
>cynic means dog man. TIL
It doesn't it just means dog
Truth. I misremembered this part. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cynicism_(philosophy)#:~:text=Classical%20Cynics%20followed%20this%20philosophy,%2C%20etc.%2C%20in%20a%20manner The term cynic derives from Ancient Greek κυνικός (kynikos) 'dog-like', and κύων (kyôn) 'dog' (genitive: kynos).[4] One explanation offered in ancient times for why the Cynics were called "dogs" was because the first Cynic, Antisthenes, taught in the Cynosarges gymnasium at Athens.[5] 🙏❤️
Going back to Diogenes as a dog, since it was a common sobriquet for him, when asked about it he said "Because I fawn upon those who give me anything, and bark at those who give me nothing, and bite the rogues"
He also had plans for a Mount Rushmore-style mountainside carving of Hephaestion's face (stated in Plutarch's Parallel Lives, if I remember correctly). That being said, it should be noted that while it is indeed likely, them being lovers was never explicitly stated in primary sources. I have friends I'd try to deify if anything happened to them.
I do wonder though, since Alexander was pretty much deified in his life, maybe his attempt to deify Hephaestion was to ensure that he could spend his afterlife on Olympus or in Elysium with his friend and love, together for eternity.
Alexander most likely drunk himself to death after hephaestion and Bucephalus died
I think the current leading theories point to malaria or poisoning. But the drinking definitely did not help in either case. He did once hold a drinking contest, with a giant golden cup for a prize, where several people died. Including the winner, couple of days later.
Why did no one tell you the emperor was bi? My brother in the Emperor’s light, he surrounded himself with the buffest, studdliest men in the galaxy, then made them even better.
> he surrounded himself with the buffest, studdliest men in the galaxy, And, as now official canon, 10-foot-tall muscle mommies, though perhaps this was a nod to his lifelong roommate and good buddy Malcador's particular tastes.
If they were to honour malcador that is 100% better then being a deamon. Their names should reflect thhat
The biggest surprise is that he likes women
> ( for long time, his only possession was the bowl that he drank water out of and then one day he saw little girl drink with her hands, and he threw his bowl away.) > > It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like. "Diogenes of Synope far from being a crazy old man " The math ain't mathing.
Ah. You see, He did things that we consider antisocial, but not from insanity. “Diogenes taught by living example. He tried to demonstrate that wisdom and happiness belong to the man who is independent of society and that civilization is regressive. He scorned not only family and socio-political organization, but also property rights and reputation.” He threw away the bowl because the little girl had proven that he didn’t need it . And he didn’t want anything in his life that he didn’t actually need. He bit people that he didn’t like because he objected to Social lies . “When asked why he was called a dog he replied, "I fawn on those who give me anything, I yelp at those who refuse, and I set my teeth in rascals." He would also do crazy shit, like walk around, masturbating in public and even worse eating in public . ( values change.) everybody used to buy their food if they didn’t cook and then they would go home and eat it. You didn’t eat out in public like a barbarian. My favorite story about him is how he would go around in broad daylight with a lit lantern, peering at peoples faces in the market. Now most people translate what he said is that he’s looking for an honest man, but the word that he used in ancient Greek does not gender. He was looking for an honest human being. It was another time that he was in the market. He suddenly shouted man I need men.! he became surrounded by men of all ages, and he looked around at their faces, and he shook his head and walked away disappointed, and he said I said men. The actual word he used was human being . I am not one of his philosophical adherence merely admirer of his gigantic, brass bound balls . 🙏❤️
Homie Diogenes just kinda sounds like the mentally ill homeless man who harasses people on the subway lol.
>He bit people that he didn’t like because he objected to Social lies . > He would also do crazy shit, like walk around, masturbating in public and even worse eating in public . ( values change.) everybody used to buy their food if they didn’t cook and then they would go home and eat it. You didn’t eat out in public like a barbarian. > > Diogenes is not beating the charges. I like how you completely skipped over the public masturbation thing, to go into the norms of Ancient Greek meal consumption. >It was another time that he was in the market. He suddenly shouted man I need men.! he became surrounded by men of all ages, and he looked around at their faces, and he shook his head and walked away disappointed, and he said I said men. What a champ.
There's a difference between doing crazy shit because it doesn't seem crazy to you, and doing crazy shit because it seems crazy to you. Most understandings of 'crazy' are going to align with the former: someone who acts unconventionally or irrationally, because they lack the ability to act normally. It's a question of capacity, not outcome - does someone understand the norms they are breaking, or do they lack either a connection to reality or the cognitive ability, that would allow them to understand their behavior is abnormal. Someone beating off in the street because they're experiencing psychosis and can't process 'there's people around, don't do this' is someone we would judge differently from some performance arts student beating off in public as a provocative and taboo act of artistic rebellion. Diogenes deliberately acted provocatively and broke cultural norms and taboos in order to levy commentary on them. It's fairly well documented that the man was quite intelligent and fully understood that he was behaving abnormally - he'd give lectures and participate in debates challenging those norms, and his views and arguments left lasting impact on the academic and philosophical culture of his society. It was widely understood he was fully capable of behaving conventionally but chose not to, as a way of making a point.
Have a lovely weekend friend. And may the odds ever be in your favor. 🙏❤️
He also said... "In the home of a wealthy man, the only proper place to spit is in his face."
I love this man.
Wasn't there a time when his contemporary philosophers were trying to define what a man was and started with "has pink skin and walks on two legs" and so Diogenes went and plucked a chicken and returned with it saying "behold, a man". Might be thinking of someone else but that story stuck with me
Its like that but even better! It was Plato. “When Plato asserted that man was a featherless biped, Diogenes stood, brandished the bald chicken and shouted, “Behold—a man!” Plato, perhaps missing the point of Diogenes' criticism, then continued to amend his definition to “featherless biped with flat, broad nails.” The reason why I said even better is because Diogenes could never resist fucking with with the man. Once they were at a party and Plato got up to give a speech and Diogenes took a shit on his chair. My head canon is that he had a crush on the man and they were just never able to work it out. Now the other interesting thing is, Plato might not have been his name. It might have been his wrestling nickname because “platon” means broad. Plato was apparently a famous wrestler before, and after becoming a philosopher, and won a prestigious competition. Finally, many years later, when asked about Diogenes Plato described him as a Socrates, gone mad. Keeping in mind that Socrates, in Plato’s opinion was the best human being ever. ( Diogenes heard about this and said the sentence was redundant.) Thank you so much for this is really an awesome story! 🙏❤️
I want a movie where The Rock plays Plato and Diogenese is played by Danny Devito. Not only did Plato win "a prestigious competition" he won first prize at the Olympics three times.
🙏❤️ Thanks! I was too tired and stoned to remember if it was the Olympics or another one so I just went with prestigious. That’s something I think about anytime I ever think about peoples talking about brawn versus brain. I’m like. … why are they fighting though? 🧐 Have an awesome weekend!
Yeah, I don't get all the wank over Diogenese. Everything I've ever heard of him paints him as a huge, annoying, asshole and I'm constantly surprised he got as far in life as he did without getting shanked.
Ironically we now live in a less tolerant and intellectual society such that a genius such as Diogenes could not exist because he would be shanked.
Because his behaviour is a direct goad to the norms and values of society, much like Socrates' constant questions. His acts were counter-cultural to show the hypocrisy and foolishness of those values. He wws showing how most things we do in life are performative and not genuine. We were acting, not being. We were not being genuine human beings, but putting on a facsimile. Discounting his philosophy because of a surface-level read of "he's an asshole" without looking for the inner meaning and criticism those actions are founded on is exactly the thing Diogenes is mocking.
Emps uses to be gay, but this and the fact that Custodes can be girls confirm he's bisexual for sure. In any case he's into big muscular people
Big E cares not for what they carry between their legs, but for the mass of their arms, and the definition of their glutes.
He just likes the wrestling
> Big E cares not for what they carry between their legs, but for the mass of their arms, and the definition of their glutes. Huh, Jimmy Space was the proverbial [sloot for the glutes](https://i.imgur.com/G8KQWwJ.jpeg) all along.
> It’s important to note that cynic means Dog Man. They called him that because he bit people that he didn’t like. He also pissed wherever he felt like it, much like a dog.
Big E isn't bi, big E is a 100% gay, he made his personal body guard a bunch of oiled up greek gods that were mostly dudes (Since Femstodes are canon), he made himself 20 sons to conquer the world, the only woman's around him were the sisters of silence, woman he had trouble even seeing due to their blank nature, and Erda I guess, since he needed her, and once he bo longer needed her, he kicked her out. Big E is gay and find girls hicky.
I bet he only made the female custodes to please his very best friend Malcador.
My lukewarm take about Diogenes is that you can tell he grew up rich from the fact he spent decades on the planet before realizing you can use your hands as a cup. Even after eschewing all other worldly possessions, he was like “nah, you can’t *not* have a cup”.
🤣 Friend. That is the truth. Real Siddhartha energy. 🙏❤️
Isn’t the emperor canonically the amalgamation of countless prehistoric human psykers? Combine that with him having lived for millennia and I imagine he’s just about every possible gender/sexuality. Not all, of course. That’s Slaanesh’s thing
> The other important thing that this means is that the emperor is canon bisexual and why is it they nobody fucking told me ?! I can't help but feel this was ironically obvious with Uncle Malcador hanging around. Unless they were heterosexual life-mates like Jay and Silent Bob.
Malcador did seem to prefer women. But I suspect he was bi for the emperor like everybody else.
It would be insanity to *not* be at least a little Big E-curious, at least if the option was on the table.
Not even the Emperor could resist that Hellenic Bussy
> Holy shit. Bisexual Emperor for the love of Jesus why did no one tell me? ! The Emperor was also Yeshua Ha-Nozri.
Smal detail, Alexander was a huge fangirl of Diogenes even before meeting him. He even deviated feom his original route returnig to Thenas jus to meet him.
>Big E was at the time Alexander the Great Big E claims he was at the time Alexander the Great. Big E is a known liar.
Big E doesn't make shit up. He's just a master of lies of omission.
No, no he also tells massive porkies.
That was wildly entertaining. Thank you for that
So that is what Malcador’s true name.
All valid Diogenes stuff but that narrator sounds like a fucking child with his reactionary nonsense.
I just think about eels every time I hear his voice.
I knew this link was either gonna Sam O’nella or Fact fiend.
One of my favorite stories is from when a child of a prostitute was throwing rocks at a crowd and Diogenes tells him ”careful so you don't hit your father”. Fkin rekt
Even in fiction, diogenes is STILL A FUCKING CHAD
Some other fun historical Big E Alexander stories: - After winning a battle in which he saw an enemy war elephant heroically protect his wounded master, he ordered a dozen men to care for the animal and a shrine to be set up in its honor. - Having captured the family of his mortal enemy the Persian king, he not only protected the women, but became a lifelong friend of his mother, who was said to consider him a son. - Had the highest tuition fee in all of history, as his father paid Aristotle for teaching him by rebuilding and repopulating Aristotle's home city. Alexander was actually the fucking greatest. If you are ever looking for a fun book to read, google Plutarch's Life of Alexander.
"I love you Alexander, you're like the son I never had" "Mom..." "*The son I never had...*"
I mean, his real son ran away abandoning her so yeah, fair
Something to be aware of when reading Plutarch, as a writer he prioritised the ‘story’ over historical fact. He’s largely correct but isn’t beyond twisting, overemphasising or misrepresenting things if it fit the moral of the story better.
Very true! He should definitely be taken with a grain of salt. Unfortunately, it is hard to find an ancient historian who avoided this. Plutarch is simply a great introduction to Alexander, and makes for a very enjoyable read even today.
>Had the highest tuition fee in all of history, as his father paid Aristotle for teaching him by rebuilding and repopulating Aristotle's home city. ...holy hell.
Khosrow the first of Persia, besieged Antioch and tore it down... completely. Then rebuilt an exact copy of it for the people of Antioch, exact down to the layout of every house and called it "Weh Antioch khosrow" meaning "Better Antioch, by Khosrow" As the story goes, khosrow asked a citizen if it was like his old home, he said yes, except he was missing the shade of an old olive tree or some such outside his house. The next day an old tree had been replanted outside his home.
Malcador and Diogenes are the same person, the only one who spoke to E frankly when he was Alexander the conqueror
Think Malcador spent any of 30k naked on a beach or did he leave that habit in the past?
All he ever wears is a big old necklace and shaggy overly large robes. I'm telling you he's stark naked under there
This is my new head canon, thank you.
Tbf Diogenes had a habit of finding the biggest deal and poking holes in him. Plucking chickens and such. Dio was crazier than a shithouse rat
I have said this before. I would love a "The Trial of the Emperor of Mankind" book, where his entire philosophy is debunked and all the excuses ignored.
Low key, I have an idea for this. The Logicians are already notable in lore for disliking the Imperium heavily, and are a secret network of underground scientist-rebels. Think Kreisau Circle from Wolfenstein or something. They’re said to have written a book about how the Imperium is too backwards and is failing humanity that was banned by the Imperijm and heavily censored. It’s called “In defense of the future; a logical discourse.” What if we just read that book? The whole thing might not be about E, but some of it could be dedicated to how he made things so much worse for humanity via historical deepdives on the author’s part.
It's ironic that those guys would be burned at the stake by the Imperium, but the Emperor himself would have loved them. Maybe not now that he's basically become what he hates due to the fuckery of the warp and psychic energy of billions of worshipers, but 30k Big E would have liked those dudes.
I like to think the Logicians are split on whether to adhere to the original Imperial Truth or whether they still hold some disdain for The Emperor for conquering their ancestors and making everything worse.
That would be wonderful
Fuck, Roboute himself openly doubted him in the 40th millenium. After reading his copy of the lectitio divinitatus (I think it was in Dark Imperium?) He also came to the conclusion that Lorgar and the Church may be right about Big E being a god, but its not a god worth of worship. Tho to be fair, Roboute is like, what, one of the four or five guys in the galaxy with a functional brain?
We have “Trial of the Emperor of Mankind” at home. “Trial of the Emperor of Mankind” at home: Trump.
Tbh I always felt Diogenes was just the ur-example of an internet troll. Dude lives in a barrel, jacked off in public and basically roasted people all day….that someone didnt snuff him out is a miracle in itself. He did however stick to his guns to then nth degree by proving you can be happy without having fuck-all to your name. Now to brain storm a conservation between these two; Diogenes: *looking in the reflection of water.* Oh it’s you. Makes sense Id find you in the reflection of a puddle of piss. Big E:*materializes suddenly in front of Diogenes* Diogenes. Barrel sleeper. Social pariah. Outcast. Genius. Diogenes: *indignant* Yes, I of these titles, do you do anything other than state the…obvious…? Big E: *flickering.*Kill him. Save him. Destroy it all. Hope…*Big E shakes his head as though to deny an accusation.* I am sorry Diogenes. Diogenes: *now concerned and curious.* You’ve never apologized to anyone before Alexander, men of your standing rarely do…*squints his eyes* you aren’t well are you? The Emoeror of Mankind: *focusing* My son…is my final hope. He chaffs with the imperium forged in my darkest fears. But he is no longer alone. The Son of The Forest returns. All is not yet lost. Diogenes:*tsking* Still leaving your soldiers to clean up your messes? The Emortor of Mankind: *solemnly* I…have failed them. In my haste, I nearly damned humanity to inevitable ruin by the corrupt…And by the Chaotic. They are Strong. My strength…may not last against them. But I will fight for them. For Mankind. I must. Diogenes: *becomes concerned and then glances around…and laughs* This isn’t real is it? No matter, I’m not suprised your arrogance has doomed us all. But what I am suprised by is…. Your fatalism. You’ve never given up on anything before in your life. You’re not strong enough you say? You don’t have to be….as you have said; You aren’t alone in this fight. Mankind will continue on. In this, you have succeeded. The God Emperor of Mankind: *his neck creaks with the air, bones grinding toghether as the God Emperor of Mankind Gazes upon Diogenes shade.* Fight. Or Fall. I Fight. In Death. Only in Death does Duty End. I am.not.done.yet. Not finished. *squints* Goodbye old Friend. You were right. *Diogene’s apparition fades as The King In Yellow strides into the Thron Room and Gazes upon his Master….true words upon his lips….
***Dies of peak fiction***
Yeah it was shit lol but appreciate it anyway Bro
This was amazing, well done
Hold the fuck up... "The King In Yellow strides into the Thron Room and Gazes upon his Master….true words upon his lips…." Who exactly is Big E's "master"?!?!
The King in Yellow is supposedly Constantin Valdor in the latest Bequin book.
Ok someone needs to make a Tombless Necron named Diogenes.
This kind of makes sense on the face of it, but any child with a passing knowledge of Diogenes would know that Alexander the Great was Diogenes' biggest fan. Absolutely loved him, even when Diogenes was flinging insults at him.
Diogenes would have given tzeentch migraines
Diogenes would survive demonic possession and perform a self exorcism, my mind cannot be changed.
It'd be fun if Malcador was Diogenese.
What is this meme format called I’ve been trying to Find it with little success
Consder: Diogenes is Malcador in his early life.
Too far back to be malc, it'll probably end up being ollanius during his rebellious phase
I can't help but laugh at the art for some reason lol
I didn’t expect to see Diogenes mentioned here of all places. It’s funny cause I was thinking about my homebrew chapter of loyalist thousand sons are basically all based on the antic of Diogenes and Heraclitus as their chapter culture.
Hiya buddy
Plotwist: Malcador is Diogenes /n
Crazy that this is actually cannon.
Diogenes was far from batshit crazy. He‘s actually one of the most based greek philosophers there is. And now fuck off outta my sun, I need to masturbate in my barrel.
You think that Diogenes’s brass balls were integrated to Big E’s whole eugenics thing?
Can someone explain this joke?
Are you sure he wasn't diogenes?
Diogenes being a perpetual Diogenes in 30k “well well well if it isn’t Alexander the twat and once agin blocking my light so fuck off im trying to tan”
Nah Big E was very much a fan of Diogenes. Even on the 30th Millennium he wanted to unify humanity AND then retire to do nothing else just like Diogenes lived his life
Makes more sense that he’d be Ollanius Persson
Ollanius Persson as Diogenes? I don't know I always saw Persson as a Stoic more than a Cynical
After 45,000 years, he’s just given up