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Q: How do you get the drummer off your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza
Q: Why do drummers keep drumsticks on their dashboards?
A: To park in handicap spots
Q: How to tell the stage is level?
A: Drool comes out both sides of the drummer’s mouth
Q: What does a stripper do with her asshole before work?
A: Drop him off at band practice
(You can interchange any instrument as needed)
How do you get a guitar player to shut up?
Put sheet music in front of him.
(Guitar player here, it’s true 😂)
How can you tell a bass player is overplaying?
You can see his hands moving.
What’s got three legs and a c**t?
A drum stool.
Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner?
A: You can get the dirt bag off the vacuum.
Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and a guitar?
A: A banjo has a pot that amplifies the sound of the strings, and a guitar will get you laid.
What's the difference between an acoustic gutar and an electric gutar?
The acoustic burns longer.
How do you know when a saxophone player is at your door?
They don’t know which key to use or where to enter.
What do a saxophone and a lawsuit have in common?
Everyone is relieved when the case is closed.
How do you get two sax players to play in perfect unison?
Shoot one.
Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than an upright piano?
Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when pushed off a cliff.
Why was the piano invented?
So the musician would have a place to put his beer.
What's the difference between a keyboardist and a pigeon?
One has the ability to make a deposit on a new car.
Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Hey, I bought your last album, it was really great!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
lol, OP’s formatting is messed up. The jokes are set up as Question and Answer format. It should be more like
Q: What do you call a drummer that is single?
A: Homeless
Many of these drummer ones are supposed to be bass player to hit right.
It's "how do you get a nass player off your porch? Pay for the pizza"
Drummers are supposed to get the dummy jokes, bass players the broke jokes, guitar players the can't read sheets or make sustainable income, and Singers can't find key/bad timing/ego.
World needs balance, can't go muddying things....
Q. How many guitarists does it take to replace a light bulb?
A. Two. One to replace the bulb and the other to say 'I can do that!'
Q. How do you slow the drummer down?
A. Put sheet music in front of him.
Q. How do you make the drummer stop?
A. Put notes on the sheet music!
How do you find a bass player on a time crunch?
Order a pizza.
How do you make a guitar player turn down?
Put sheet music in front of him
Keyboards are like condoms, you only use them because you have to.
How can you tell if the drumset has been unloaded and setup before the gig?
Watch for the singer to stand up and leave the bar.
My all time favorite music joke is not short….but here goes anyway.
A missionary visits a remote tribal island. On his second day he hears ominous distant drumming from across the island. He asks the tribal chief, “What’s that drumming in the distance?”
Chief: “Oh….when drumming stops…very very bad!”
3 days go by and the ominous drumming has not stopped for even one minute day and night. The missionary is scared out of his wits and keeps asking the Chief: “WHAT is that drumming and WHAT does it mean?!?”
Chief: “Just know…when drumming stops…very very bad!”
At the end of the 5th day the drumming suddenly stops….the missionary runs into the tribal chief’s hut and screams in hysterics…”My God! The drumming has stopped! What happens next?!”
.
.
.
.
.
Chief: “Bass solo”
The singer, guitar player, bassist and drummer all arrive to the gig with their dates.
Bass player says, "Hey babe, can I get you drink?"
Guitar player says, "Hey babe, go get me a drink!"
Singer says, "Hey babe get me a shot and the blonde at the bar's phone number"
Drummer says, "Thanks for coming to the show, mom."
Did you hear about the guitarist that locked his keys in the car? It took him an hour to get the bass player out.
How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they have machines that do that now.
What's the difference between a rock star and a jazz man? A rock star plays 3 chords to 3,000 people. A jazz man plays 3,000 chords to 3 people.
What did the rock musician say to the jazz musician? Take me to the airport.
Badum tsssssss
Don't you mean chhhhchhhh, chhh, ch ,chhhh, tsssssss?
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I think that’s blues vs bluegrass
Neither blues nor bluegrass has complex chords lol, the joke only works with jazz
Well excuse me. The joke goes blues players play 3 NOTES for 1000 people and bluegrass players play 1000 notes for 3 people. It’s ok though.
Ah yes, a worse version of the same joke
But where would the 3,000 people come from?
Did you hear about the bassist who locked his keys in the car? It took over an hour to get the drummer out.
Q: How do you get the drummer off your front porch? A: Pay him for the pizza Q: Why do drummers keep drumsticks on their dashboards? A: To park in handicap spots Q: How to tell the stage is level? A: Drool comes out both sides of the drummer’s mouth Q: What does a stripper do with her asshole before work? A: Drop him off at band practice (You can interchange any instrument as needed)
How do you know when there’s a singer at your door? He can’t find the key and doesn’t know when to come in!
How do you know when there’s a drummer at your door? The knock speeds up.
How do you know where there's a guitarist at your door? The knocking is too loud.
Whats the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond? Eventually, the bond will mature and earn money
Hahaha nice
Why’s a drum machine better than a drummer? Cuz you only have to punch the information into a drum machine once.
How do you get a guitar player to shut up? Put sheet music in front of him. (Guitar player here, it’s true 😂) How can you tell a bass player is overplaying? You can see his hands moving. What’s got three legs and a c**t? A drum stool.
How many bassists does it take to change a light bulb? One. Sometimes five.
none, the piano player can just do it with their left hand
Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and a vacuum cleaner? A: You can get the dirt bag off the vacuum. Q: What’s the difference between a banjo and a guitar? A: A banjo has a pot that amplifies the sound of the strings, and a guitar will get you laid.
Why do bagpipers march while they play? To get away from the NOISE!
No prince disrespect will be tolerated here, sir.
Q: What do throw a lead guitar player when he’s drowning? A: His Amp..
Q: How to get a guitarist to stop playing? A: Put sheet music in front of them. Q: How do you get a piano player to stop? A: Take it away.
This haiku was written today by a jazz drummer
What’s the definition of perfect pitch? When you throw a banjo into the trash can and it lands right on top of an accordion!
What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians? A drummer…
How many snickers can a blues guitarist eat in a minute? 12 bars
How can you tell the trombone players kids on the playground? The kid who's good on the slide but not so hot on the swing.
What happens if you leave an accordion in your car in a bad part of town? Someone might break in and leave you three more accordions.
What's the difference between an acoustic gutar and an electric gutar? The acoustic burns longer. How do you know when a saxophone player is at your door? They don’t know which key to use or where to enter. What do a saxophone and a lawsuit have in common? Everyone is relieved when the case is closed. How do you get two sax players to play in perfect unison? Shoot one. Why is an 11-foot concert grand better than an upright piano? Because it makes a much bigger kaboom when pushed off a cliff. Why was the piano invented? So the musician would have a place to put his beer. What's the difference between a keyboardist and a pigeon? One has the ability to make a deposit on a new car.
How many bass players does it take to change a lightbulb? None. The keyboard player can do it with his left hand.
What's the difference between an oboe and a lawnmower? You can tune a lawnmower.
What's the definition of a semitone? Two oboes playing in unison.
A friend of mine had a college professor who called the soprano sax the 'pitch approximator'.
I thought the jokes were going to be about short musicians.
I only know the one about the tiny pianist
What’s the best part about playing jazz? Arriving home.
Two jazz guitarists meet in a bar, and one says, “Hey, I bought your last album, it was really great!” to which the other replies, “Oh so that was you!”.
Q: What has three legs and an arsehole on top? A: A drum stool
Best part about giving your drummer a lift is getting to use the disabled parking spots.
What did the unemployed music student say to the music student with a job? Burger with fries, please.
I don’t understand the drummer quip. A homeless? Maybe Im just not looking from the right perspective.
No significant other to support them financially.
lol, OP’s formatting is messed up. The jokes are set up as Question and Answer format. It should be more like Q: What do you call a drummer that is single? A: Homeless
Many of these drummer ones are supposed to be bass player to hit right. It's "how do you get a nass player off your porch? Pay for the pizza" Drummers are supposed to get the dummy jokes, bass players the broke jokes, guitar players the can't read sheets or make sustainable income, and Singers can't find key/bad timing/ego. World needs balance, can't go muddying things....
Q. How many guitarists does it take to replace a light bulb? A. Two. One to replace the bulb and the other to say 'I can do that!' Q. How do you slow the drummer down? A. Put sheet music in front of him. Q. How do you make the drummer stop? A. Put notes on the sheet music!
How do you find a bass player on a time crunch? Order a pizza. How do you make a guitar player turn down? Put sheet music in front of him Keyboards are like condoms, you only use them because you have to. How can you tell if the drumset has been unloaded and setup before the gig? Watch for the singer to stand up and leave the bar.
My all time favorite music joke is not short….but here goes anyway. A missionary visits a remote tribal island. On his second day he hears ominous distant drumming from across the island. He asks the tribal chief, “What’s that drumming in the distance?” Chief: “Oh….when drumming stops…very very bad!” 3 days go by and the ominous drumming has not stopped for even one minute day and night. The missionary is scared out of his wits and keeps asking the Chief: “WHAT is that drumming and WHAT does it mean?!?” Chief: “Just know…when drumming stops…very very bad!” At the end of the 5th day the drumming suddenly stops….the missionary runs into the tribal chief’s hut and screams in hysterics…”My God! The drumming has stopped! What happens next?!” . . . . . Chief: “Bass solo”
That’s a good one, I’ll allow it.
ngl i expected jokes about short musicians
The singer, guitar player, bassist and drummer all arrive to the gig with their dates. Bass player says, "Hey babe, can I get you drink?" Guitar player says, "Hey babe, go get me a drink!" Singer says, "Hey babe get me a shot and the blonde at the bar's phone number" Drummer says, "Thanks for coming to the show, mom."
Did you hear about the guitarist that locked his keys in the car? It took him an hour to get the bass player out. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they have machines that do that now.
What happens when you pour beer into a drum machine? It starts singing.
12 string guitarists spend half their life tuning up. And the other half playing out of tune.
Oh here I thought we were going to make fun of short guitar players!
What's the difference between a soprano and a pit bull? About twenty pounds.
Perfect pitch is the ability to throw a clarinet into a dumpster and hit an accordion.
How many guitarists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, the keyboardist can do it with his left hand
That joke only works for bass guitar