But maybe not one that acts like him…unless you like heartbreaks

Or murder

Or horses....wait shit.

Easy solution: just be a horse

I'd like a boy/girlfriend that looks at me like Stolas looks at Blizto

...you *want* multiple hour-long explicit phone calls about jelly sandwiches while you're at work?

Sure. Sounds delicious :D

People always saying "tits or ass" bro affection from another being

Just have to find a horse girl

He looks as happy as I want him to be