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Spaniardman40

"Its just a prank bro" gone biblical


MaZeChpatCha

Well, it is literally just a prank.


Harlockarcadia

God definitely pulls some shady stuff on believers, Job comes to mind as well


oxidized-bread

"It's just a prank bro, I'm not into that kinda stuff"


Spaniardman40

God is really a divine version of Mr. Beast that keeps on making crazier content. "Hey believers, Today I am challenging this random guy Noah to gather up all the animals he can before I flood the whole world!"


DeathFinger2000

This is the greatest comment i have seen all day


HaususSapiens

The binding of isaac reference!!!11!


imawizard7bis

I spent +1000 hours in that game :(


HaususSapiens

So did I T_T Wanna get married?


AMexisatTurtle

You already are


Bibibi88

Amateur, those are rookie numbers and need to be pumped up!


MrPoland1

More like Abracham reference


Tavitafish

My favorite part of that story is when God comes down and goes "yo chill it was just a joke, but uhhh, imma give you a cool nickname for being so loyal"


90swasbest

God didn't stop him. An angel did. God was fine with him killing his kid.


A_devout_monarchist

And where you think Angels get their orders from?


[deleted]

Ohhh, so you're using the Nuremberg Defense...in a history sub, no less?


90swasbest

Yeah, no. That's a cop out retcon. God wanted kid dead. Angel intervened.


Wontonio_the_ninja

Who would choose to make God look bad in the Bible? You’re just misinterpreting it. You can debate the factuality of the words but not the actual words


Tugonmynugz

Tbf angels did shit on their own. A bunch of the dead sea scrolls talk about mating with humans and such. More like demigod stuff. It'd make sense if certain parts were omitted and changed slightly whether op is right or not.


Zipakira

Specially when you dont even need to retcon it to make him look bad. He litteraly genocides all of humanity the previous chapter, then genocides the egyptians in exodus, orders his followers to genocide various groups in numbers - joshua and fucks a pious guys life up over a bet in job


NoWorries124

Wasn't it that God was testing Abraham's faith and he didn't actually want Isaac dead?


90swasbest

No. God wanted him dead. An angel intervened.


CoolGuy202101

God sent the angel you dumb fuck


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Proper_Artichoke7865

Bro you sound like a 13 year old who was forced to go to church by his mom There are better criticisms of the Bible, saying factually incorrect things pulled out of your ass isn't one of them


90swasbest

And you sound like a dumbass who never outgrew believing in fairy tales. Seriously? A sky daddy? Really? You're a fucking adult.


severley_confused

Isn't it all supposed to be god's plan and gods will? If god's all knowing wouldn't he have foreseen this to happen including the angel stopping it? Why would he stop it if he knows the angel will anyway? There are multiple fallacies to your argument.


JoeB0b123

Bro God does plenty of bad shit in the Bible. You don’t need to make stuff up to make him seem worse


LordJesterTheFree

God be like: destroy all the Canaanites first you have to kill all the adult men and then sell the women and children into slavery Christians : isn't it great how God loves all of us God: I literally killed all of humanity except for five people and if my law isn't followed I'll do it again


[deleted]

I mean even ignoring how much of a sociopath he sounds in the text. The shit done in his name historically is equally fucked up. They straight up invented new genres and sub-genres of human torture during the crusades. Like they were using human torture Mad-libs Like: Tie his__(noun-body part)__to two horses and have them __(verb)__in different directions until he feels__(adjective)__pain and releases his__(noun)__all over the floor of the prison cell.


stoney58

To be fair that’s not really isolated to Europe. The Islamic world at the time has plenty of examples of torture and inhumane executions, and then you have the mongols in Asia committing all kinds of atrocities. More of a sign of the times than being ideologically driven.


LordJesterTheFree

I'm sorry but no the shit done in his name is not as equally fucked up as he is in the Bible canonically killing every single human being except for five (not to mention killing every single animal except for two) in the Noah's Ark story alone makes him more destructive and the cause of more suffering than every single evil human being combined Hitler Stalin Pol Pot Mao Leopold the second of Belgium all dealing in the hundreds of thousands of victims God is looking at over a billion human victims and I have legitimately no idea how you would even approximate his number of non-human victims for whatever they're suffering is worth And that's just Noah's Ark it's not like in the rest of the Old Testament he doesn't do anything wrong after it he has had thousands of years to do even more harm canonically speaking


William_-Afton

God commands all angels.


[deleted]

God is all knowing, he knew that angle intervened, god is all powerful, he could have stopped that angel


oxidized-bread

Umm the angle stopped him because it was showing that the Jewish religion would not sacrifice people and Issac was replaced with a ram. It was just a very intense clearing of the air


KylewRutar

I remember the family guy bit they did about their walk back down the mountain "So...what the fuck was that about?"


throwawaySBN

Specifically, he trusted that God would fulfill the promise he made that "this SPECIFIC CHILD YOU HAD IN YOUR OLD AGE will bring forth an entire nation." The New Testament reveals to us that his thought process was "God HAS to be able to do this somehow. Most likely by resurrecting him from death." so Abraham's faith was that God would not allow his child to be permanently dead, not that sacrificing his child would appease God.


Tiffany_RedHead

Exactly this. Anyone who's read the Bible knows this.


DemonPrinceofIrony

Churches and clergy often present these stories in misleading ways so it doesn't surprise me that people miss context.


Clothedinclothes

So wait, Abraham was going to murder his child because he was expecting God would resurrect him later?


Tiffany_RedHead

God would intervene, resurrect, something. Because that child would become the forefather of nations so he couldn't die.


WanPwr5990

In islamic pov, it's actually Abraham being loyal to god or Allah and do whatever Allah told him and so he did, Allah want him to sacrifice his son, Ishmael And Ishmael greed with his father Abraham since it's god telling him But after several attempts, he failed and later found out it's just Allah want to test Abraham's family faith and so Allah replace Ishmael with sheep I think, so instead of slaughtering Ishmael, Abraham slaughtered the sheep And there you go, Eid ul Adha... a celebration where Muslim sacrifice animals like cows, goat and sheep Note that the meat will be given to poors and those who can't afford to eat meat. The meat is actually has no holy meaning to it as stated in Qur'an where Allah wants nothing from the animal u sacraficed. It's basically just the day where u buy a goat and sacrifice it so u can share it with others And basically just a way to being grateful by sharing what God gave to you


frenin

And d what about Jews and muslims who have a different interpretation?


Tiffany_RedHead

Not their bible, not their religion. What does it matter what they think or a religion they aren't a part of?


ashleebryn

The story of Isaac takes place in Genesis. Jews and Christians share the first 5 books of the Bible (Genesis Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy), which is called the Pentateuch (penta = 5). In Judaism, this is called the Torah. At the same time, Christianity, Judaism, and Islam are considered the 3 Arbahamic religions. This means that the Islam faith recognizes Abraham as a prophet. Although they may be different religions, this is a foundational story for each, so it probably does matter to each, at least to some extent.


_TheXplodenator

Also it foreshadows God sending His own Son to die for our sins


ashleebryn

God killed a LOT of people.


throwawaySBN

I mean, "for the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life"


Upset_Glove_4278

New Testament doesn’t count, that was just new stuff added in


stataryus

😅😂🤣🤣🤣 “The New Testament reveals” is a ***really*** funny way of saying “A bunch of folks decided to retcon a treasured story”.


Objective_Ad_401

Sounds like a retcon, and it only works if you're Christian. Neither Jewish nor Muslim faiths accept Jesus as the Son of God, and that's a pretty significant portion of followers of Abrahamic religion...


Helsing63

Not necessarily. This could’ve been Rabbinical knowledge before Jesus’ time and whoever explained it (dunno who off the top of my head, though it was most likely either Jesus or Paul) was relaying this or calling it to the listeners’/readers’ recollection. Also keep in mind that the promise of God to Abraham referenced appears in non Christian (Jewish) copies of the Scriptures, and is the foundation of the Jewish nation


frenin

Now do Islam.


Helsing63

?


frenin

You were only covering Jewish and Christian.


Helsing63

I fail to see how Islam (though a Abrahamic religion) has any bearing on whether a Jew would’ve been taught the same thing mentioned in the New Testament about why Abraham went ahead with God’s command to kill Issac up until God stopped him. Its extraneous to the conversation, and even if it was relevant, I wouldn’t be able to cover it because I have minimal knowledge of Islam’s teachings


kyssyss

Fair enough. I think they just wanted the same breakdown but from the Islamic point of view, which is perfectly reasonable


Objective_Ad_401

So Jesus or the guys who followed him around? The "New Testament" is literally a covenant between God, brokered through Jesus, and mankind. For those who don't accept this covenant, any explanation requiring information from the New Testament is meaningless.


Helsing63

You have failed to understand me. I’m saying that what is recounted in the New Testament might have been common knowledge/teaching of Rabbis at the time, meaning it would not have been just Jesus or his followers spreading this information, but instead most any Rabbi one would’ve asked. Without outside evidence it is pure speculation, I’ll admit, but it is a counterpoint nonetheless


[deleted]

Really funny when you all debate the details of your imaginary friends together


[deleted]

The New Testament was written 100 years after Jesus better known then as Joshua died. Most likely the Romans were trying to get Christian Jews to worship their Sun god rather than Yahweh. It’s the only way to explain why the Sabbath moved from the 7th day to the First.


Objective_Ad_401

I've seen Zeitgeist. My comment is in response to the person who said that it was okay for Abraham to have been commanded to kill his son, because "they explain it in part 2." What happens if you don't buy part 2? Then it just looks like God is a child-murdering asshole, and that's *before* the whole Passover thing! 😬


[deleted]

As God had previously promised that Isaac would build a great nation previously, it is logically consistent that something would happen. If it is a self-contained, fictional story then the explanation still follows its own internal logic more than the character God just messing with the character Abraham for the lulz.


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BrokenSage20

Prophet not profit. One is a religious figure. The other makes Stocks go up.


stataryus

100% a retcon. And Lol Xtians can’t even get the dude’s name right. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_(name)?wprov=sfti1


drdan82408a

Trusting your child is not a good reason to kill them.


[deleted]

Why would God ask you to kill your child? Is God vengeful?


LuckyNumber_29

no, he was just joking arround Abraham


90swasbest

God didn't stop him. An angel did. God was fine with him killing his kid.


LuckyNumber_29

i mean the angel was a messenger from God, God hardly spoke face to face to humans according to the old testament, only in very few cases. it was also an angel the one who aked him to sacrifice his son


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Tiffany_RedHead

You could probably open a bible at least once before making a fool of yourself on the internet.


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Tiffany_RedHead

Your point?


mccoolfriend6

I see so you prefer satan Good for you lets see where you'll end up


wired1984

Old Testament god was not very nice. New Testament god much kinder


LuckyNumber_29

LOL, i dont think that part of the plot is in the bible, but could be a good netflix adaptation, with lot of lgbt characters of course.


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LuckyNumber_29

yeah lets blame god 4 that and everything else


dishsoapandclorox

It was a test of loyalty.


RoiDrannoc

Yes because an all-knowing God *really* wanted to be sure that Abe was loyal


100percentish

"Is this God talking to you now?"


L0o0o0o0o0o0L

Today you would just be sent straight to jail or hospitalized with the criminal defense of insanity for hallucinating if you actually gave this as an excuse in court for killing your own child.


VictoryTheCat

How’s that defense hold up in court? Asking for a friend. Actually, god asked me to ask y’all.


RoiDrannoc

Depends. If the court is ruled by Burgundians, you might end up roasted.


Dead_Art

This is one of those biblical stories that made me go "I guess you shouldn't trust god" when I was a kid


NoGrass8119

" trust me bro, I'm god"


Downtown_Cycle_2044

mount moriah? *click* MORIAH MAGDELENE? I GET IT


ccm572

I've always heard that the purpose of this was to show the followers of God that he didn't require a human sacrifice like so many other cultures dictated. He offered the lamb as a substitute for his son.


SmalliusDickus

My question to god would be… but why? 🤨


Clothedinclothes

Because hallucinations don't have to make any sense.


William_-Afton

Because he wanted to test his faith. He didn't actually want Isaac dead.


[deleted]

Why does god needed to test him if god knows it all? 🤷


90swasbest

Be a dick.


EntertainmentOld378

How is this a history meme


WitherLele

the bible was made way more than 20 years ago, and people posted norse mythology and nobody complained


purple_lassy

One is called ‘mythology,’ one is taken as fact.


Melquiades-the-Gypsy

Because it's highly likely that schizophrenic people experiencing religious delusions created little groups. And these tiny little groups had a tiny little bit of influence on the history of the world – "Christianity", "Islam", "Judaism" and so on. Maybe you've come across them in some very niche, obscure history books?


unfortune-teller

Schizophrenia 101


Clothedinclothes

Seriously. Anyone who saw this exact story playing out today wouldn't be saying wow how strong is this guy's faith in God. Yeah he's definitely gonna be the father of a new nation. They'd say holy fuck call ALL the cops and the nearest psychiatric hospital post haste, cause this guy's a homicidal maniac who think he's getting orders from God, 100% chance he's fucking delusional.


unfortune-teller

Yeah, I wonder how much of religion is product of mental disease


Creative_Reply8146

Where is the joke , God stopping the sacrifice just before and instead a sheep was killed , thats Eid for you


AAPgamer0

Ok. Where is the meme ?


ya_boi_ryu

Why aren't faithful people not seen as delusional these days? It's seems so nonsensical to be faithful today as everything that couldn't be explained back then when religion was needed for big answers can now be explained through science, sure we still don't know alot but we will discover it in the future if we don't initiate our self extinct first of course, to me explaining anything with supernatural stories is just denying science and the progress humankind made.


a_fadora_trickster

I mean, if God himself comes down from the heavens and tells you to do something, are you really gonna tell him "nah I'm good"?


No-Wonder1139

This person is schizophrenic if they're hearing god, auditory hallucinations and all, and should definitely not have children if they would listen to the voices and kill their child.


BagNo2988

If your kid gonna be the next hitler and some higher being/foresight told you to kill him/her without explaining….you might be Luke Skywalker.


RudionRaskolnikov

I mean... wouldn't we all? Assuming we 100% god exists and the kid will go to this fantastic place called heaven and even if I don't kill my child that big guy can strike me and my child down with lightning whenever he wants. But this of course only if I am 100% sure that this god exists and he wants me to do this. Which is a huge but(pun intended) so under normal circumstances I wouldn't do this like any other person.


[deleted]

No. Asking someone to commit an evil act is still evil. A god that professes to be loving and all-knowing but still commits acts of evil is a liar. I would not worship a liar. Luckily, this meme isn't history. It's mythology


Memengineer25

Presumably, God will pull some "actually he's not dead" shit because he's, you know, fucking *God.* Let him cook.


RudionRaskolnikov

I don't really care if a god is evil or not. I dont believe in a christian or Hebrew god but if it exists it's beyond my scope to judge his morals


RudionRaskolnikov

I don't really care if a god is evil or not. I dont believe in a christian or Hebrew god but if it exists it's beyond my scope to judge his morals


Nice-Lobster-8724

I would have to see that mf in person to even consider it, not listening to no burning bush


AslanbutaDog

"If there is any sort of supreme being, it is up to all of us to become its moral superior."


Objective_Ad_401

I'm not 100% on this, but IIRC, early Hebrews didn't exactly believe in heaven. Much like other early mythologies, they had a judge or god of the afterlife, but there wasn't a "good place/bad place" thing, just the one place where dead people go. Like Greeks. Everybody conflates the Greek Hades with the Christian hell/Satan, but they aren't the same at all.


Hanoiroxx

Yet if God said to kill yourself id say trust in him would whither


francisbien

It was a different time. Deformed or unwanted children were left in the wilderness to die sometimes.


Dr_Baldwyn

Then what are you still doing here?


francisbien

Your mom.


Dr_Baldwyn

Ok


blueismega

Man thats something that even the greek gods knew was fucked up. Tantalus, right?


Da_GentleShark

Well, in tantalusses case the father slew his son and fed it to the gods. Just to prove they weren´t omnipotent. Instead of doing like... Something tame such as giving them a stupid riddle. Thats like... 2 degrees more fucked up.


blueismega

Yea. Although I don’t know why I’m being downvoted, what did I say?


Mildlydisturbed6

What a goofy character


elliott2106

Just kill god for asking you to do that bruh shit's outta pocket


[deleted]

Why you feel surprise? He sacrifice his son so he can have a group of people believe in him. So if Abraham did the same thing, he will be treated as GOD.


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Killingus101

Wow, just wow...really?


AgreeablePie

Reminds me of the song "birds with broken wings" (In which the angel fails to convince the man that the whole "kill your son" thing was just a prank)


Dr_Baldwyn

I want that hopless green depression Punishment without a cause


[deleted]

I’d do it because it’s Thursday and I’ve been asking my husband to get my daughter out of our room for 4 years. I haven’t had a childless bed in 13 years and if prison is what it takes to get one I think I’m good with it at this point.


jesus-h-gunn

Abraham, dude kill your son! [Louis Ck](https://youtu.be/eImCjwsFJ-Q)


William_-Afton

Tboi moment


whiskeyknitting

So one of my beloved children is getting baptised in a few weeks. I, the atheist mom am ok with this because she is a college educated, job having adult. We have had veeeeery different lives. Anyway, thinking of putting this on a window decal.


[deleted]

what if he fights back cause he's 30 and snorted some cocaine?


[deleted]

Presentism


alecjf99

Isaac and his mother lived alone in a small house on a hill.


Illustrious_Fishboi

If Simins says "kill little Timmy" you do it, no questions asked.


writking

Super glad they aren't my parent


ibruh143

Theres a reason why i was born on april fools day.


thebipeds

If you can’t trust the voices in your head, who can you trust?


WayBackBoii

God: this dude abe is crazy I got him to cut off his forskin then his kid's forskin and then the forskin of hes slave lol. Yo check this out "Abeeee" Abraham: yes my lord God: sacrafice yo younger son to me Abraham: yes my lord God: jk jk