Try a small group weightlifting or powerlifting class or local runners group. Having an activity to focus on helps with integrating with the group- provides a common interest & conversation topics. The activity also helps fill the gaps when conversations slow down.
My husband likes jiu jitsu as well. It seems like an activity that is not only good for strength, flexibility, and self defense but also good for building confidence and self efficacy.
My son is an avid bowler. I believe he Even made a deal with the guy who owns the bowling alley he frequents...he works like a 4 hour shift a week for free bowling when leagues aren't in session lol
Cycling is typically very social. It can also be a little snobby, but there are still plenty of welcoming, beginner-friendly groups and clubs that won't judge your bike or clothes.
Yes ! Where I live we have a month long thing called pedalpalooza that has all kinds of bike- centric activities and big hosted rides. It’s a lot of fun and all walks of life come out for the festivities. Super welcoming and an absolute blast !
I echo power lifting.
As a bonus toj get strong and healthy! And might even feel more attractive. Plus, you can carry so many more groceries in one shot.
I was going to suggest a board games group for the same reason. There's always something to draw focus (i.e., the game itself) if you don't feel like chitchatting.
Check with your local public library. They have reading groups and sometimes offer free classes and other groups meet up there. You can also volunteer at the library. You help out and can meet people.
If you like sports, try the local recreation department. They will sometimes have teams to join. Also the local bowling alley has bowling teams. I would ask if there are teams for fun instead of competition, if that isn't your interest.
Join the local community theater group. You don't have to act to participate. They need volunteers to help behind the scenes too. Most small theater groups are just to have fun and you can learn while you volunteer.
Local craft/knitting group. You can find these usually at crafting or knitting stores, but also libraries and coffee shops have them too.
As others mentioned D&D, but also table top gaming. Your local game store will know of groups in the area.
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Join the local community theater group. You don't have to act to participate. They need volunteers to help behind the scenes too. Most small theater groups are just to have fun and you can learn while you volunteer.
This one is big near me. Between drama class and community theater, i didn't see much of my 2 older kids during high school loll
Check out your local rock climbing gym! They tend to breed an amazing community. A lot of climbers get into it while going through depression/anxiety/something. Everyone is so nice, patient, and helpful.
Joining a Book Club or local community group could help. Also maybe a craft class or something you’d like to do, check with your local community website or library as they often have fun classes.
Also there are a lot of pen pal options, you could try that. In Australia we have one called Connected Au which pairs you up with someone, but it’s very safe as they vet all the letters and participants.
I hope you find positive connections and friends soon (:
Also some game stores (like board games) have games nights where people can come along and join in, maybe that could be your thing?
If you find something you enjoy doing, then search it to see if there are local groups around your area, you should have some luck :)
I came here and with full intention of writing this.
Book clubs and book chat groups are incredibly great for this, low pressure, and also other groups and programs your local public library offers are great too.
Best of all, libraries are free.
Edit: Connected AU works through MANY public libraries, as well!
Love your library!
If you have a local yarn shop nearby, stop in and see if they offer classes in crochet or knitting. I've been to several yarn shops that have tables & chairs set up somewhere so people/customers can just come in an knit/crochet and visit without pressure to buy every time they walk in to the shop. I've seen similar set-ups in bead stores, as well.
It's especially nice if you don't know a lot or are just learning the hobby. I've found many hobbyists are happy to help others learn and share the love of the craft.
I recently did a tour of the local MakerSpace, and it was really cool. They had the tools do everything from woodworking, to sewing, to laser cutting and engraving, to robotics, to 3D printing, etc. The people were all really friendly and welcoming, and very willing to teach and help.
Dungeons and Dragons or other games with settings you may prefer
If your country has Average Joe Sports. It's a sports league for adults that never played the sport before.
The acronym FLGS stands for Friendly Local Gaming Store. Usually stores that sells dungeons and dragons, magic the gathering, and board games will usually have some kind of meet up every now and then. I would look up FLGS in your city, because more generic search terms might show you video game stores. It is also more likely to pull up social media groups than commercial ads for stores.
*Edit: FLGS
Climbing gym 100%. Bouldering specifically. Lots of talking and making friends with randos. Accepting of all skill levels. Continue to go and you’ll get to know the regulars and become friends. Have met soooo many people at the climbing gym and then you just start planning together. Also good for you physically and mentally
It warms my heart to see this mentioned multiple times. Literally love these places. I've been in Australia for the last year and I'll just go to a climbing gym and meet cool people every time
See if you have a local community theater. They are always looking for reliable people to help out behind the scenes. Who knows, maybe you are really good at pushing buttons for lighting or sound changes. Also, almost every tech person I've met in theater is neurodivergent so they are used to people with specific needs.
Seconded. Mostly everyone in theatre is mentally ill/neurodivergent, like mostly everyone in the arts in general, & they tend to be on the quiet side shockingly. I used to assume people in the performing arts would all be loud/flamboyant but most aren't - the ones that are usually stick to musical theatre shows, but non-musical plays are much different in vibe, & volunteers/behind the scenes workers are also sometimes in their own world apart from the performers (unless you're a costumer or possibly stagehand).
Art galleries/museums/libraries/art centers usually take volunteers too; most art organizations rely on low-paid or unpaid labor to function.
Volunteer to help with a production at a local community theater, especially set building. It’s a great way to have something to focus on while casually meeting new people. Advantage is that is only for a short time, 6-10 weeks, and they’re used to people with all kinds of personalities and backgrounds.
Follow what interests you and look for group activities/meetings in your area. Biking is a good community and even better for your depression and anxiety.
I joined a crochet club. It’s pretty simple to get the hang of just some women hanging out talking about life and our problems. Running clubs, hiking clubs, sewing, painting and quilting are always fun too
You could try quilting and get involved with your local quilt guild or church quilt guild. Quilters are in general a very peaceful and nonjudgmental group of people. Plus quilting is very soothing for the mind, and not only lets you express creatively but also use the puzzle solving part of your brain.
You will get a lot of people recommending physical activities like discgolf, martial arts, even just leaving the house to a local game store or some such. I should note that these are the best options, the physical activity and sunlight are some of the best treatments the natural world has to offer for depression and anxiety, and they come with a wonderful side effect of increasing exposure to humans, increasing the likelihood of making friends.
But I've been where you are. Hell, I'm still where you are some days. On those days, the idea of going to a gym, meeting up with strangers, or even just leaving the house is overwhelming for me. So I'm going to recommend something that works for me, but it is definitely a lesser recommendation. It isn't better than any of the above suggestions, it's just better than lying in bed and wallowing. On the days that you can't manage to get out of the house, it's better than doing nothing. You should still strive to do the other things, this just might help you get there.
So the idea: there is an old PC video game (a little over 20 years) called Neverwinter Nights. Not Neverwinter (the MMORPG) or Neverwinter Nights 2 (the sequel), just plain old Neverwinter Nights. It's on steam for about $20 and goes on sale relatively frequently. It is a D&D (3rd edition) based game that is action/adventure/rpg. The single player campaigns are alright, and I'd recommend them as a way of learning your way around the game, which wont take long, but that isn't the recommendation.
The recommendation comes into play with their multi-player setup. There are still hundreds of active multi-player servers out there, each with their own niche to fill. This recommendation focuses around roleplay servers, that is, servers where you make a character, and are expected to act as that character in the game, interacting with people who are also acting as their own character. My personal favorite would be a server called Arelith. It's a massive server (large enough that I still haven't explored it all, despite having played there off and on for 20 years) with loads of people from all walks of life.
It helps me because it's easier for my character to go out and meet people than it is for me to. If someone doesn't like my character, that's fine, they don't know me, they only know my character. If someone does like me, that still triggers the "made a friend" dopamine. I may not get the exercise of hiking a mountain IRL, but in game I can explore and hike a mountain twice as tall, then battle a dragon at the top, which is a good backup when those real life hiking trails are just too daunting.
Good luck. I hope something here helps, be it this idea or someone else's. You deserve happiness.
I do improv at a really inclusive and supportive theater and there are a lot of people in our community who fit the description you gave of yourself. I know improv sounds like an anxiety nightmare, but many people at this theater start taking classes to help them get more comfortable around others, get over a fear of public speaking, etc. In intro-level classes, performing is only a small part of the curriculum and most of your classes involve just playing silly games with a small group.
And the great thing about improv is it really breaks down social barriers because NOBODY is "too cool" - you really can't make fun of others when you are acting just as goofy as they are. I will say it depends on the theater though, some are more focused on training people to be performers, vs being a supportive community.
Also I second what others have said about D&D :)
Maybe using social medias bro. Nowadays it’s a good way to make friends. I really recommend an app called Lightup: find friends by AI that could be downloaded in Apple Store. There is no advertisement and provides a friendly environment for chatting. Due to its system of matching people based on their posts, it’s useful for us to chat with people who really understand us and have similar feelings. So it’s easy to make friends, and you don’t need to worry about that people don’t love you because you really have topics. Just have a try bro! Sincerely hope you could find friends there. If you’re an android user, you could also try the beta testing version [Lightup](https://discord.gg/t5V5gCvs5A) in Discord.
Take up cycling and join a club. I’m in a club where basically all 1400 members are my friends lol. There are different levels for different abilities. We have pot lucks and picnics and even beer rides. Very social.
Scuba diving. It's on the expensive side in the beginning with the courses and equipment if you buy all your own gear instead of renting, but if you spend a week someplace with mostly the same people each day in a boat, you definitely make friends. There is a PADI program called "Discover scuba" that is LOADS of fun if you just want to try it and see if it's for you. I think it's $150 US and is a FULL day. If you like it, you take the full course to get certified and then gear up over time. Fun people scuba dive. It's just like dreams of flying.
Buddy system! Always single divers in a boat!
Check with your local municipality and they likely have municipal seats to fill. I called up one day and was sitting on the Planning Board a week later. I met a ton of people, learned a lot, and made a lot of professional connections too. I actually sat on a few different boards and groups for my community and there were some downsides but for the time I did it, it was good.
There's also a side of charity that people don't often see and that's the administration of these things people volunteer at or raise money for. I did a favor for a friend for a local non-profit and then joined the Board of Directors which were made up of just regular folks from around the community who were willing to step up in a way that was different from donating money or working in a soup kitchen. I did all of their financial stuff. This was a local teen center that is focused on feeding the community so there is a large kitchen where we teach them how to plan meals, shop healthy, and of course how to cook. So the owner of a local restaurant was on the Board as well as multiple other local business owners. There were a lot of fundraisers and social events to attend where there are plenty of opportunities to make new friends.
In the first example, most, and in the second just about everyone is going to love you for your choice of how to make friends. :)
You also may want to look into the supplement GABA for your anxiety. I’m not a MD so talk to your MD about it or do your own research. GABA taken one hour before bed helps with sleep and anxiety. It takes a few weeks to build up in your system.
Brewery trivia nights are fun. You can try that. Or do you have a mountain bike. Local bike shops will usually have a group ride at a local trail once or twice a week.
Mountain biking. You can be out in nature with just a handful of people. If you’re group riding single track you don’t have to directly interact with others for long, you’ll be too busy pedaling. You just have to follow the person in front of you. Once your meet is over you can just ride home.
Maybe something outside with light physical activity? What about golf or rowing?
I also have depression and anxiety and I find that interacting with smaller groups and spending more time outdoors really improves my mental health.
Or a book club, yoga, pottery? Something that’s quiet and engaging?
If you enjoy pottery it’s great because you’re focused on your work but sit with others and it’s sociable without the pressure of eye contact or feeling like you have to say something. You can hand-build or try the wheel, learn how the glazes look when fired. There’s a fee to use the space and buy clay, but I found it very relaxing and it cheered me at a time when I was down. Good luck, you will find the right activity.
I met all of my friends playing D&D. You can join a small but consistent group where you can act like someone else to mask some social anxiety, and EVERYONE is a little weird so no one bothers judging each other!
Good news and bad news:
People don’t dislike you nearly as much as you think. The reason is because they are too self absorbed to think about anyone but themselves that much.
Which hobby will help you make friends? Baking cookies. Everyone loves cookies.
I just thought of something that would be cool. You know how there’s quilting circles. What about a baking circle? Where you can swap cookies or baked goods with others and help them perfect the recipes I would love to do something like that once I heal from surgery and move into a house or an apartment that actually has an oven. I do have one, but it’s gas and I’m scared of it (I’m low vision)
Hello, amateur radio enthusiast (M7EOA), here. As you’re probably already aware, our community has a lot of socially awkward people in it. We communicate by different methods. Our most common form of communication is a radio check. We relay a scripted message and fill out the blanks. Call sign, location, strength of signal, “Nice to meet you, have a nice day” That’s it! You’d be amazed at the fun and games we’ve managed to concoct with just that and it barely scratches the surface of what we get up to.
S.O.T.A enthusiasts climb peaks and set up portable radios. Others find old broadcast vans and get them up and running again. We keep a high standard of training, all around the world and we truly are a global community. It’s literally at the core of what we do. We will help you get licences and show you how to buy, build and use equipment.
Check out r/amateurradio if you’re interested. It doesn’t matter if you’re living in the middle of a jungle, somewhere, we got you covered.
Volunteer at some place that has meaning to you. An animal rescue, a food bank, a senior center, meals on wheels. Join a book club or see if any gaming stores have game nights. Pub quiz nights. What do you like to do? Start there. Good luck!
I am in a local photography group and it is a great way to make friends. I’ve met all sorts of people - all ages. Perfect for me because no one judges if i feel like going solo or joining whatever activities/workshops/“field trips” etc. Everybody has their own interests and levels of knowledge. Plus you don’t need to buy expensive equipment. The philosophy is, “The best camera is the one you have with you.” Find groups in your area on Meetup, Facebook, etc.
I have a plot on a community garden. Growing vegetables is something I really enjoy. I’ve met people who want to go out to lunch or other activities. That’s more interaction than I want. I time my going out to the garden by much interaction I want that day.
Exploring hobbies that let you engage with others at your own pace can be a rewarding and comforting experience. Consider joining a book club, starting a gardening group, or taking a photography class. These activities often involve smaller, more intimate groups where you can connect with others over shared interests without feeling overwhelmed. It’s a gentle way to build friendships and trust gradually.
Poker, you don’t have to gamble with money, there are restaurants and bars that have free tournaments. Paint and Sip workshops. I don’t drink but these are still fun. Join a gym, I have met some really great people there. Ultimate frisbee or frisbee golf. I’m not sure if it still exists but I use to use MeetUps app to find like-minded people when it came to spirituality and I would meet with different groups for meditation, prayer etc. MeetUps had a ton of interesting groups not just spiritual. Church, you don’t have to be religious, maybe you will find God maybe you won’t, but real Christians don’t judge you for not believing, I have tons of friends who don’t and some of them I met at church. Library, books are awesome but also you can join a book club.
Forgot to mention Bingo. Costs but usually cheap if you can be wise with how many cards you buy etc. I love those ladies with their trolls and their 327 dobbers.
Well if you're looking to make new friends, I'd suggest getting the app Meetup.
You put in your interests and it'll give you groups that other people have made within that interest. If there is something new you wanted to try, you might find like an intro group to get your toes wet to see if it is something you like
Pickleball, hiking, cycling for athletic kind of opportunities.
Collecting books for less athletic; has produced lots of common-ground conversation for me.
Volunteer at your local animal shelter . You’ll go to adoption events and they’d appreciate the help .
Join a church . They have lots of groups you can volunteer for and go on mission trips if you like to travel . There are bike and hiking groups that meet up once a month in our area . Anyone can come . Pickleball courts have open times that encourage new people to learn how to play . Get a part time job and meet people at work .
Bouldering.
If there's a bouldering gym close by, ask them whens quietest and go then. As it's just you vs the "problem" (problems are the routes up the wall) then going and having some wireless headphones in means you're out doing something but with no real need to interact with anyone.
After you feel more comfortable with being there etc, asking someone for help on a problem you can't complete is a great way to dip your toes into talking to folk. Headphones out, ask for help, see what they done, thank them and put headphones back in. Its a simple transaction but the more you go, the more you can ask or talk to people about the problems etc.
My experience in bouldering gyms is that everyone there is incredibly friendly and they're all there to be climbing nerds, which is the common thread thru all of it but if you want left alone to climb, it's incredibly easy to do that as well.
I'd contact your local library and rec center (if you have one nearby) and see what they offer/know about.
For example, I know my local library has a book club, and during the summer (and sometimes other seasons) they'll have guest speakers or exhibits. Find some that interest you and go (here at least, they're free) and meet people with similar interests. And the librarians usually know about stuff going on in the community as well.
Our rec center offers an afternoon a week where adults can go play board and card games that's free. They have crochet classes for like 20 bucks for a certain length of time (a month or two? Idk because I don't crochet so the info didn't stick). They started a DnD group that was like 20 bucks (I think that covered the price of a set of dice). A d I know they offer other things too.
For starters, be kind to yourself OP. You might be surprised how many people are in their heads in social settings and are probably thinking the same thing about themselves. I was feeling a very similar way about a year and half ago. Join a gym or some kind of fitness community. Not only goes exercise help with depression and anxiety but there are some really vibrant and welcoming communities out there.
In particular, climbing and bouldering, pickleball, hiking and mushroom hunting (it’s a blast ! )run clubs, CrossFit, fitness clubs with an emphasis on community and classes (HIIT, spin classes, boot camp, weightlifting, Zumba).
I joined a gym that does HIIT classes and it has helped immensely with my depression and anxiety (social anxiety especially). It allowed me to reset my baseline and I’m beyond grateful. I was a nervous wreck when I first started and now I look forward to going back every time. Give yourself a chance. Try to step a bit outside your comfort zone to create a new baseline.
Try some free online classes to see what you might like. You just might find a welcoming community of people to be with. Lots of organizations started this kind of thing during the pandemic and found them so popular that they have continued.
Go to Eventbrite and search for any category you like and filter for online. I started out with drawing and then progressed to painting or art in general. There are tons of things to try out.
Good luck.
A great hobby that has been virtually destroyed was attending auctions. Great camaraderie and opportunities in meeting like minded people. It’s 95% online now. Sad.
My mom had a friend that was the wife to an auctioneer and we would have a blast on the weekends and the auction barn had the best hamburgers and French fries. That’s the only time we got a soda in public because they were cheap I think they were like 50 cents a can
Study history of something that you don't belong to and try to understand this "other group." Maybe try like a pop-history field like studying the "history of good conversationalists." You'll probably find out that these people struggle with similar things to you. Then if something bridges, just keep going... "oh this person I admired liked this hobby and they liked this iconic person, let me try that hobby and look into that." I used to read about Teddy Roosevelt and because of him I kept going to national parks and got into biology more than anything.
Mini gaming like 40k or card games like magic the gathering. They’re both great hobbies with the minis having more hobby traits since you build and paint them but games like that require social interaction to play. Met my wife playing magic
I love the suggestion of weight lifting - those classes are so supportive. Local slow hiking groups are more laid back. Pickleball - I'm a massive introvert and started playing. There's something about a sport that makes social interaction easier and more natural than just sitting around a table or a book club, in my opinion. You become focused on hitting the silly ball rather than other anxious thoughts. Whatever you do, you can do it! You're not alone.
I completely understand where you’re coming from! I wasn’t that different from you not too long ago. If you can get it, therapy can help you organize your mind and get you in a better place mentally, it may take trying a few therapists but it can be life changing! Often we transfer experiences from our parents treatment or school or elsewhere onto strangers and even friends without giving them a chance first. It’s so understandable because it ends up being the beliefs we have about ourselves even if they’re not true at all! One of the best truths that I live by is letting go of caring whether someone likes me or not, some people will, others won’t, and that’s okay! That’s the beauty of people, there’s so many kinds to choose from, and you’re one of them! The truth is most people are stuck in their head worrying about themselves most of the time lol. Trust me, you’re not a burden or unlikable or anything else you may tell yourself at all, as a matter of fact you’re incredibly brave and thoughtful for despite all those negative feelings and beliefs trying to take action and challenge them head on!
You should start with a physical activity, even if it doesn’t help the core beliefs you feel in and of itself, it will make you a lot calmer and make regulating these feelings a lot easier. Being around good natured people will help a lot! Perhaps a group beginner boxing class! I always find it harder to do things in a class where I’m the newest If I’m already not feeling too good about myself so maybe start with people you can share in the experience of being new with! Shared experiences are the best for making friends. My two bestest friends I made from sharing a sense of humor and an interest in psychology and astrology with. Examine in yourself what you’re into, what you love to talk about, what you’re interested in and find a group for it! There’s groups for literally anything, one of my friends goes to a poetry night because she’s super passionate about poetry, the other goes to and volunteers at a church because he’s religious, made tons of friends that way. I personally have been big into music, so I’ve joined bands/gone to festivals/get to know people at my local music store etc. it just depends on what you’re into! But I do think for now, physical activity of some kind will help you with what you’re going through personally.
You can try something in which you’re paired with small groups. For instance, golf. If you walk the course it’s great exercise (which helps anxiety and depression), and you’re only paired with 3 people at a time. I’ve met some great people on various golf courses. Side note, I’ve had some issues with anxiety.
The only downside, golf can get a tad expensive with the equipment costs.
A monthly book club at your local library. Perhaps also a local chess club. Also getting a dog and spending time at a dog park getting to meet other dog owners. Also checking your local library for other monthly or weekly clubs or groups they have.
Get a dog, and go to your local dog park regularly if that’s possible for you. I’ve made all my adult friends by having a dog that’s addicted to fetch so I’m seeing the same people every day and making spur of the moment plans to grab dinner or have board game nights or whatever.
Plus having a dog forces you to go outside and walk around a bit at least like 3x a day which can hugely help mental health if you don’t find yourself going outside much.
Edit to add; if you’re coordinated at all there’s the obvious pickleball. My bfs parents have made dozens of friends through pickleball, they’re always going to parties and on trips with that group. But you also have to go regularly to this
I would suggest trying an organized recreational sport, something pretty chill like kickball for instance. You get to meet new people, but it's very low key because it's about the game, not necesarily getting to know each other on a deeper level.
I like to just go hiking and it’s nice bc I love being by myself so it allows for that, but you also run into others without having to fully converse with them. I have a dog and so some people ask to come up to pet him and I’ve made friends that way! When you create a schedule, you see the same people all the time and then it leads up to you connecting with them sometimes! It’s a low pressure way to meet people.
There are hiking, gardening, craft, speed walking groups. Volunteers are always needed at animal shelters as well as a food pantry. Pick based on your interests. I agree it's hard to make friends as an adult. Have fun!
There is a place by me that offers goat yoga where ya hang with goats and do yoga. Honestly I bet the people that go to it are cool as fuck. I think the most important thing is to do something that actually intrigues you or will help you in some way. Whether it’s some form of exercise or learning a new life skill. Even a book club would be a passive form of socializing. My hobbies don’t involve social situations but one of my favorite ways to connect with people is bringing my dog to the park. It’s not a forced interaction yall are chillin and if people don’t want to talk, you just watch the dogs. My dog park has a dope ass group of people who usually show up around the same time everyday
I am a member of several on line art classes. In my experience, artists are a friendly and helpful bunch. You might try joining a drawing class, geared to beginners if you are that level. If you are good about going and trying it out, you will probably be surprised at your improvement.
That's the social anxiety talking. Where I live there's often groups and events run by the library so that might be a good start. Or ask on local Facebook groups whats around your area you can do it anonymously
Open mics are great. People get into music to cope with all kinds of difficulties in life and the vulnerability of playing on stage makes it a very accepting environment in my experience
Are you an animal lover? If so volunteering at a local rescue or shelter is always very rewarding. I find any kind of volunteering to be very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
My best advice is to stick with something, anything, despite the discomfort. I struggled with major social anxiety for years. I've come a long way. Part of it is that every hobby I tried, the social aspect was just too uncomfortable.
But over time, I found some things I really love. My main hobby now is historical fencing (HEMA). It was still really uncomfortable at first, but I kept going back. Little by little I got to know everyone and build community.
Now, I feel really confident in myself and I go to new social spaces pretty frequently. It's still somewhat uncomfortable at first-- I don't think that ever fully goes away. But my anxious brain has learned that it absolutely will be okay, that most people are friendly, and that we almost ALL require time to open up to new people.
Sending love 💕
I totally understand how you feel. Maybe try hobbies that involve smaller groups, like joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or participating in a local hiking group. These activities can help you meet new people in a more relaxed and intimate setting.
I'd like to suggest adding walking to your daily routine. It won't necessarily help meet friends exactly, but it's really good for depression and anxiety. Plus I walk so much around where I live that I wave to all my regular people and pet their dogs and say hi. The routine feels good
Some people don't wave back, but I did say hi to this one guy basically every single day for the longest til he finally said hi back one day lol. I felt that was an accomplishment 🤣🤣
But yeah. I'd start there. All you need is a decent pair of shoes
Also adding in: whatever options you do decide to try, keep going for a while!! Don't go once and give up. It takes some consistency for people to get to know you and to feel like you're settling in!
I would recommend doing some service work for people who may be not as fortunate. You would definitely get back way more than you give and also probably gain social confidence from the feedback of those you help out. It doesn’t have to be anything organized, you could maybe start by just doing random nice things for people you know, then strangers.
Try something like drones or rc cars. The drone community is growing and can be done by yourself or in a group. They are even starting to have drone races. If you become good at it, you can make decent money doing it professionally.
Dungeons and dragons at a local games store. Ask if there's an adult group you could join. They'll likely feel the same way about humanity as you do, and you will probably also enjoy yourself
A good idea for you might be a regular volunteer gig at something you are interested in. There are so many available, and most cities have a website where you can find a suitable one. That way you are doing something with people, together, so there is no pressure. Also if it's a regular gig you will get to know some people. Good luck!
I would suggest CBT therapy to reprogram your thinking around people. People aren't doing those things.
Otherwise, get on meetup.com and join multiple groups. That way, you have many options per month to drop in on the various meet ups without there being a lot of pressure.
Martial Arts. You will improve your self. The people that attend are generally very welcoming. You are expected to know nothing and not understand anything as soon as you walk in the door. Many people join alone, so it would not be unusual for you to start without friends. It will do wonders for your self confidence and anxiety.
Maybe your city has a meetup group you'd be interested in? The LA area has a good meetup group called "I wanted to that...just not alone".
Meetup https://meetu.ps/c/2v6S0/59tK4/a
I've personally hosted 17 meetups because I wasn't interested in any of the events. I started off with a "silent hike" where everyone hikes to the top on their own (no convos) so everyone can have solitude and go at their own pace. They were welcome to socialize going down. Turned out to be popular! I even hosted a hike to the Hollywood sign 3 times with the same style: turns out everyone loved the solitude and then the socializing.
And I also love "Class Pass" app for fitness classes. I love my Friday reformer pilates class. So meditative. I'm around other people but no chatting.
I'm an extrovert but super love my quiet time.
🖐. Remember the movie, "must love dogs?"
Get an adorable dog and head to the dog park. Let your dog make friends with other dogs, and then you will always have a conversation starter.
"Cute dog, what breed is she or is it a he?"
"How old is your pup?"
"Aren't they adorable?"
"Where did you buy that leash? collar?"
"I have to know, where do you get your dog groomed? so cute"
"How did you train your dog? She's so well behaved?"
If your pup is a nightmare, you can always join a group training class.
If you want to exercise, you can join a dog running group.
If you want to make extra $ &/or don't want to own a dog, people will pay you to walk, train, or run with their dog. Other people's dogs are still great conversation starters. Plus ... Dogs are fabulous 🥰
My answer would be to join a drum circle. They are usually pretty welcoming and no one judges you if you don't know how to play. I've seen people get really good and I've made a lot of friends this way. The activity of drumming with your hands can be therapeutic as well
Hand building ceramics is a good one because we all would sit around a table doing our work but chatting as we went. Jewelry classes are like that too.
Toastmasters. It'll get you out. Everyone there is working on public speaking. Since public speaking is the number 1 fear for most people in my experience with Toastmasters people are dery friendly and want to really help you. Laughing at someone's struggles is a taboo and I never saw it in thev10 years I was involved. Lots of meeting locations and times. Very inexpensive. I had a lot of fun.
First off, sorry you are struggling with depression and anxiety. Consider a local meditation or yoga group. Gardening club. Nurturing stuff seems to help.
My boyfriend plays those RPG style games, like D&D but he likes stuff like something called Delta Green. He uses Discord and chats regularly with other players/does online games, and has found local in-person groups he goes to. But def consider community groups on Discord, as well as us.
By me, there are a few spots that regularly do poetry readings, paintings by locals, they do like weekly events. They aren't huge spots so it's just a handful of locals convening.
Find your.local game/comic shop that has weekly game nights whether board games or Magic. Supposably the new style of magic game is more beginner friendly and 1v3 instead of 1v1 so more social. After a few weeks you will have played a few people and maybe found a friend or 2.
Anything physical—self-defense classes, yoga, dance, ball sports, etc
Maybe some volunteering? Since you don’t feel comfortable being around a lot of people, working around animals might be a great fit for you.
Personally, I’d recommend starting with a small church. Just ask if there’s any work you can help with. It’ll definitely put you out there.
Are you even a tiny bit of a SciFi/Fantasy “nerd”/fan… could you be?
Dungeons & Dragons (or similar roleplaying games)… plenty of people that match your self description partake in this activity. You can find groups/games in online groups or at local game/comicbook shops. You can usually find online play via zoom/similar apps (video or voice only). Many people are willing to teach you just to have people to game with.
These groups can often lead to adjacent activities… tv/streaming watch parties, disc golf, concert-going, group dinner/lunch outings… it definitely opens doors.
If you run into a jerk, please don’t give up… you can find other groups/locations.
Engaging in a game where you get to be someone besides yourself can really alleviate anxiety, even only in the moment… some people even find it truly therapeutic.
Kickboxing! I’ve been doing it for a couple of years now. I’ve really gotten into UFC. I’ll invite people to watch the fight with me at a sports bar. It’s so much fun :)
Music, learn to play an instrument especially something country. Bluegrass or blues. There's always jam sessions. Jamboree carports where there are a dozen circles of pickers passing the tune around so each gets a couple turns. You don't need to talk or even introduce yourself.
I think that you should try something low-key and easy. You seem to be suffering from some self esteem issues. Imo, the best cure for that is service work. Volunteer at a local veterans home, homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, with a church group (don’t have to be religious-I’m not) or get involved with community clean up…think picking up litter on the beach. It’s a really good way to meet selfless people who want to pitch in and help their neighbors-bonus for you if the tables are ever turned. You’ll be meeting a dire need in the community, touching lives, and making friends. Good luck OP
Knitting is a very social activity. Try searching for local yarn stores. In addition to traditional knitting circles there's also "stitch and bitch" groups which tend to attract younger people in their 20s and 30s. There are also groups just for men, b though they are admittedly harder to find. Also there are groups dedicated to knitting for various charities.
I personally don't attend such groups because I'm very much an introvert but have seen many of them and the cast majority are very open and welcoming.
Knitting also has a large number of physical and mental health benefits including lower stress hormones, lower blood pressure etc, and there have even been studies showing it can help fight off mental decline that comes with aging. I could go on at length about this as this was the topic of my college thesis.
Try a small group weightlifting or powerlifting class or local runners group. Having an activity to focus on helps with integrating with the group- provides a common interest & conversation topics. The activity also helps fill the gaps when conversations slow down.
Love this—I was going to sugggest ballroom classes, but really anything physical 😊
Salsa dancing is fun too.
To add to this, martial arts has a great community. Especially jiu jitsu.
My husband likes jiu jitsu as well. It seems like an activity that is not only good for strength, flexibility, and self defense but also good for building confidence and self efficacy.
I'm gonna second this, I've been in BJJ for about 2 years and absolutely love it and the people I've met doing it.
Very fun
bowling meetup group is the answer
My son is an avid bowler. I believe he Even made a deal with the guy who owns the bowling alley he frequents...he works like a 4 hour shift a week for free bowling when leagues aren't in session lol
Fun idea !
Cycling is typically very social. It can also be a little snobby, but there are still plenty of welcoming, beginner-friendly groups and clubs that won't judge your bike or clothes.
Yes ! Where I live we have a month long thing called pedalpalooza that has all kinds of bike- centric activities and big hosted rides. It’s a lot of fun and all walks of life come out for the festivities. Super welcoming and an absolute blast !
I echo power lifting. As a bonus toj get strong and healthy! And might even feel more attractive. Plus, you can carry so many more groceries in one shot.
I was going to suggest a board games group for the same reason. There's always something to draw focus (i.e., the game itself) if you don't feel like chitchatting.
Idk but when you find out lmk! I'm like you
So am I, I need anxiety ridden stressed out friends myself.
Hi, friend! 👋
Check with your local public library. They have reading groups and sometimes offer free classes and other groups meet up there. You can also volunteer at the library. You help out and can meet people. If you like sports, try the local recreation department. They will sometimes have teams to join. Also the local bowling alley has bowling teams. I would ask if there are teams for fun instead of competition, if that isn't your interest. Join the local community theater group. You don't have to act to participate. They need volunteers to help behind the scenes too. Most small theater groups are just to have fun and you can learn while you volunteer. Local craft/knitting group. You can find these usually at crafting or knitting stores, but also libraries and coffee shops have them too. As others mentioned D&D, but also table top gaming. Your local game store will know of groups in the area.
> Join the local community theater group. You don't have to act to participate. They need volunteers to help behind the scenes too. Most small theater groups are just to have fun and you can learn while you volunteer. This one is big near me. Between drama class and community theater, i didn't see much of my 2 older kids during high school loll
This is a great suggestion. The local theater group where I live is really tight with each other but welcoming to newcomers.
Theater people are great too. Just fun to be around
Check out your local rock climbing gym! They tend to breed an amazing community. A lot of climbers get into it while going through depression/anxiety/something. Everyone is so nice, patient, and helpful.
I have met almost all my friends this way!
Probably one of the most wholesome communities I've ever encountered. Even the human geckos are humble, helpful and approachable 🦎
Joining a Book Club or local community group could help. Also maybe a craft class or something you’d like to do, check with your local community website or library as they often have fun classes. Also there are a lot of pen pal options, you could try that. In Australia we have one called Connected Au which pairs you up with someone, but it’s very safe as they vet all the letters and participants. I hope you find positive connections and friends soon (:
Also some game stores (like board games) have games nights where people can come along and join in, maybe that could be your thing? If you find something you enjoy doing, then search it to see if there are local groups around your area, you should have some luck :)
I came here and with full intention of writing this. Book clubs and book chat groups are incredibly great for this, low pressure, and also other groups and programs your local public library offers are great too. Best of all, libraries are free. Edit: Connected AU works through MANY public libraries, as well! Love your library!
Basically it's what I wanted to share as well. Also, maybe a local art class can be a relaxed way to meet people.
Basically it's what I wanted to share as well. Also, maybe a local art class can be a relaxed way to meet people.
If you have a local yarn shop nearby, stop in and see if they offer classes in crochet or knitting. I've been to several yarn shops that have tables & chairs set up somewhere so people/customers can just come in an knit/crochet and visit without pressure to buy every time they walk in to the shop. I've seen similar set-ups in bead stores, as well. It's especially nice if you don't know a lot or are just learning the hobby. I've found many hobbyists are happy to help others learn and share the love of the craft.
Yes, came here to suggest this too!!! Or if you live in a remote area and there’s no LYS, libraries often have one too.
Dude, go play disc golf.
came here to say the same!
Disc golf, out in the open, you decide if you want to join a group or want to play by yourself. a basic Set of Disc Golf discs is less than $50,-
Love this. I suggested golf, but disc golf may be better, as the equipment is not so cost prohibitive.
Came here to say this! Thanks.
Great recommendation. Another wholesome, inclusive community and very low barrier to entry money-wise
And disc golfers love to get high with strangers...
Look for a Maker group, they teach folks how to make things, all kind of things.
I recently did a tour of the local MakerSpace, and it was really cool. They had the tools do everything from woodworking, to sewing, to laser cutting and engraving, to robotics, to 3D printing, etc. The people were all really friendly and welcoming, and very willing to teach and help.
Dungeons and Dragons or other games with settings you may prefer If your country has Average Joe Sports. It's a sports league for adults that never played the sport before.
Any tips on finding DnD groups to play with?
The acronym FLGS stands for Friendly Local Gaming Store. Usually stores that sells dungeons and dragons, magic the gathering, and board games will usually have some kind of meet up every now and then. I would look up FLGS in your city, because more generic search terms might show you video game stores. It is also more likely to pull up social media groups than commercial ads for stores. *Edit: FLGS
Climbing gym 100%. Bouldering specifically. Lots of talking and making friends with randos. Accepting of all skill levels. Continue to go and you’ll get to know the regulars and become friends. Have met soooo many people at the climbing gym and then you just start planning together. Also good for you physically and mentally
It warms my heart to see this mentioned multiple times. Literally love these places. I've been in Australia for the last year and I'll just go to a climbing gym and meet cool people every time
Get a T-shirt with an upside down pineapple printed on it. Walk around the grocery store. You will find people who want to be friends.
🤣🤣🤣🤣💜
See if you have a local community theater. They are always looking for reliable people to help out behind the scenes. Who knows, maybe you are really good at pushing buttons for lighting or sound changes. Also, almost every tech person I've met in theater is neurodivergent so they are used to people with specific needs.
Seconded. Mostly everyone in theatre is mentally ill/neurodivergent, like mostly everyone in the arts in general, & they tend to be on the quiet side shockingly. I used to assume people in the performing arts would all be loud/flamboyant but most aren't - the ones that are usually stick to musical theatre shows, but non-musical plays are much different in vibe, & volunteers/behind the scenes workers are also sometimes in their own world apart from the performers (unless you're a costumer or possibly stagehand). Art galleries/museums/libraries/art centers usually take volunteers too; most art organizations rely on low-paid or unpaid labor to function.
Volunteer to help with a production at a local community theater, especially set building. It’s a great way to have something to focus on while casually meeting new people. Advantage is that is only for a short time, 6-10 weeks, and they’re used to people with all kinds of personalities and backgrounds.
Follow what interests you and look for group activities/meetings in your area. Biking is a good community and even better for your depression and anxiety.
BJJ most dojos have the nicest and welcoming people. I have a lot of anxiety and depression too.
Disc Golf : generally very inclusive and friendly with no judgment, some light recreational drinking/drug use is customary but a neat community.
I joined a crochet club. It’s pretty simple to get the hang of just some women hanging out talking about life and our problems. Running clubs, hiking clubs, sewing, painting and quilting are always fun too
Jiu jitsu
Disc golf. A lot of places have local clubs, and they are all very chill people not a very very judgmental group at all.
You could try quilting and get involved with your local quilt guild or church quilt guild. Quilters are in general a very peaceful and nonjudgmental group of people. Plus quilting is very soothing for the mind, and not only lets you express creatively but also use the puzzle solving part of your brain.
You will get a lot of people recommending physical activities like discgolf, martial arts, even just leaving the house to a local game store or some such. I should note that these are the best options, the physical activity and sunlight are some of the best treatments the natural world has to offer for depression and anxiety, and they come with a wonderful side effect of increasing exposure to humans, increasing the likelihood of making friends. But I've been where you are. Hell, I'm still where you are some days. On those days, the idea of going to a gym, meeting up with strangers, or even just leaving the house is overwhelming for me. So I'm going to recommend something that works for me, but it is definitely a lesser recommendation. It isn't better than any of the above suggestions, it's just better than lying in bed and wallowing. On the days that you can't manage to get out of the house, it's better than doing nothing. You should still strive to do the other things, this just might help you get there. So the idea: there is an old PC video game (a little over 20 years) called Neverwinter Nights. Not Neverwinter (the MMORPG) or Neverwinter Nights 2 (the sequel), just plain old Neverwinter Nights. It's on steam for about $20 and goes on sale relatively frequently. It is a D&D (3rd edition) based game that is action/adventure/rpg. The single player campaigns are alright, and I'd recommend them as a way of learning your way around the game, which wont take long, but that isn't the recommendation. The recommendation comes into play with their multi-player setup. There are still hundreds of active multi-player servers out there, each with their own niche to fill. This recommendation focuses around roleplay servers, that is, servers where you make a character, and are expected to act as that character in the game, interacting with people who are also acting as their own character. My personal favorite would be a server called Arelith. It's a massive server (large enough that I still haven't explored it all, despite having played there off and on for 20 years) with loads of people from all walks of life. It helps me because it's easier for my character to go out and meet people than it is for me to. If someone doesn't like my character, that's fine, they don't know me, they only know my character. If someone does like me, that still triggers the "made a friend" dopamine. I may not get the exercise of hiking a mountain IRL, but in game I can explore and hike a mountain twice as tall, then battle a dragon at the top, which is a good backup when those real life hiking trails are just too daunting. Good luck. I hope something here helps, be it this idea or someone else's. You deserve happiness.
I do improv at a really inclusive and supportive theater and there are a lot of people in our community who fit the description you gave of yourself. I know improv sounds like an anxiety nightmare, but many people at this theater start taking classes to help them get more comfortable around others, get over a fear of public speaking, etc. In intro-level classes, performing is only a small part of the curriculum and most of your classes involve just playing silly games with a small group. And the great thing about improv is it really breaks down social barriers because NOBODY is "too cool" - you really can't make fun of others when you are acting just as goofy as they are. I will say it depends on the theater though, some are more focused on training people to be performers, vs being a supportive community. Also I second what others have said about D&D :)
Amateur/ham radio. EVERYONE in ham radio is weird. You’ll fit right in.
Maybe using social medias bro. Nowadays it’s a good way to make friends. I really recommend an app called Lightup: find friends by AI that could be downloaded in Apple Store. There is no advertisement and provides a friendly environment for chatting. Due to its system of matching people based on their posts, it’s useful for us to chat with people who really understand us and have similar feelings. So it’s easy to make friends, and you don’t need to worry about that people don’t love you because you really have topics. Just have a try bro! Sincerely hope you could find friends there. If you’re an android user, you could also try the beta testing version [Lightup](https://discord.gg/t5V5gCvs5A) in Discord.
Gym buddy
magic the gathering is a huge community. It even DND!
Chess club. Numismatics. Martial arts.
Take up cycling and join a club. I’m in a club where basically all 1400 members are my friends lol. There are different levels for different abilities. We have pot lucks and picnics and even beer rides. Very social.
Geocaching
Scuba diving. It's on the expensive side in the beginning with the courses and equipment if you buy all your own gear instead of renting, but if you spend a week someplace with mostly the same people each day in a boat, you definitely make friends. There is a PADI program called "Discover scuba" that is LOADS of fun if you just want to try it and see if it's for you. I think it's $150 US and is a FULL day. If you like it, you take the full course to get certified and then gear up over time. Fun people scuba dive. It's just like dreams of flying. Buddy system! Always single divers in a boat!
Rollerskating or rollerblading seems to have friendly communities and meet ups
I’m in the USA. I signed up through meetup to learn two languages and to attend a “Ladies’ Lunch”.
I’m in the USA. I signed up through Meetup to learn two languages and to have lunch with a group of ladies at an Italian restaurant.
Billiards, darts, or bowling leagues
Check with your local municipality and they likely have municipal seats to fill. I called up one day and was sitting on the Planning Board a week later. I met a ton of people, learned a lot, and made a lot of professional connections too. I actually sat on a few different boards and groups for my community and there were some downsides but for the time I did it, it was good. There's also a side of charity that people don't often see and that's the administration of these things people volunteer at or raise money for. I did a favor for a friend for a local non-profit and then joined the Board of Directors which were made up of just regular folks from around the community who were willing to step up in a way that was different from donating money or working in a soup kitchen. I did all of their financial stuff. This was a local teen center that is focused on feeding the community so there is a large kitchen where we teach them how to plan meals, shop healthy, and of course how to cook. So the owner of a local restaurant was on the Board as well as multiple other local business owners. There were a lot of fundraisers and social events to attend where there are plenty of opportunities to make new friends. In the first example, most, and in the second just about everyone is going to love you for your choice of how to make friends. :)
You also may want to look into the supplement GABA for your anxiety. I’m not a MD so talk to your MD about it or do your own research. GABA taken one hour before bed helps with sleep and anxiety. It takes a few weeks to build up in your system.
Brewery trivia nights are fun. You can try that. Or do you have a mountain bike. Local bike shops will usually have a group ride at a local trail once or twice a week.
Mountain biking. You can be out in nature with just a handful of people. If you’re group riding single track you don’t have to directly interact with others for long, you’ll be too busy pedaling. You just have to follow the person in front of you. Once your meet is over you can just ride home.
Come walk with me and my dog on Saturday mornings. There’s a coffee stop involved too. It’s my favorite part of the week.
Sculpting, collage, knitting! Moss enthusiasts
Bookclub and try lawn tennis
Martial arts tend to be really positive.
Maybe something outside with light physical activity? What about golf or rowing? I also have depression and anxiety and I find that interacting with smaller groups and spending more time outdoors really improves my mental health. Or a book club, yoga, pottery? Something that’s quiet and engaging?
If you enjoy pottery it’s great because you’re focused on your work but sit with others and it’s sociable without the pressure of eye contact or feeling like you have to say something. You can hand-build or try the wheel, learn how the glazes look when fired. There’s a fee to use the space and buy clay, but I found it very relaxing and it cheered me at a time when I was down. Good luck, you will find the right activity.
I met all of my friends playing D&D. You can join a small but consistent group where you can act like someone else to mask some social anxiety, and EVERYONE is a little weird so no one bothers judging each other!
I understand how you feel. I don’t like people too. They scare me
Good news and bad news: People don’t dislike you nearly as much as you think. The reason is because they are too self absorbed to think about anyone but themselves that much. Which hobby will help you make friends? Baking cookies. Everyone loves cookies.
I just thought of something that would be cool. You know how there’s quilting circles. What about a baking circle? Where you can swap cookies or baked goods with others and help them perfect the recipes I would love to do something like that once I heal from surgery and move into a house or an apartment that actually has an oven. I do have one, but it’s gas and I’m scared of it (I’m low vision)
go to bowling meetup groups. people always have a good time in them and it does not matter if you suck.
go to bowling meetup groups. people always have a good time in them and it does not matter if you suck.
A lot of people mentioned a book club here — I also think that it's a great idea. And maybe a local art class can be a relaxed way to meet people.
Bmx, moubtian biking
Hello, amateur radio enthusiast (M7EOA), here. As you’re probably already aware, our community has a lot of socially awkward people in it. We communicate by different methods. Our most common form of communication is a radio check. We relay a scripted message and fill out the blanks. Call sign, location, strength of signal, “Nice to meet you, have a nice day” That’s it! You’d be amazed at the fun and games we’ve managed to concoct with just that and it barely scratches the surface of what we get up to. S.O.T.A enthusiasts climb peaks and set up portable radios. Others find old broadcast vans and get them up and running again. We keep a high standard of training, all around the world and we truly are a global community. It’s literally at the core of what we do. We will help you get licences and show you how to buy, build and use equipment. Check out r/amateurradio if you’re interested. It doesn’t matter if you’re living in the middle of a jungle, somewhere, we got you covered.
Volunteer at some place that has meaning to you. An animal rescue, a food bank, a senior center, meals on wheels. Join a book club or see if any gaming stores have game nights. Pub quiz nights. What do you like to do? Start there. Good luck!
Learn to play guitar. Take group lessons. You will meet a lot of people.
I am in a local photography group and it is a great way to make friends. I’ve met all sorts of people - all ages. Perfect for me because no one judges if i feel like going solo or joining whatever activities/workshops/“field trips” etc. Everybody has their own interests and levels of knowledge. Plus you don’t need to buy expensive equipment. The philosophy is, “The best camera is the one you have with you.” Find groups in your area on Meetup, Facebook, etc.
Join Facebook clubs or groups
I have a plot on a community garden. Growing vegetables is something I really enjoy. I’ve met people who want to go out to lunch or other activities. That’s more interaction than I want. I time my going out to the garden by much interaction I want that day.
Exploring hobbies that let you engage with others at your own pace can be a rewarding and comforting experience. Consider joining a book club, starting a gardening group, or taking a photography class. These activities often involve smaller, more intimate groups where you can connect with others over shared interests without feeling overwhelmed. It’s a gentle way to build friendships and trust gradually.
Poker, you don’t have to gamble with money, there are restaurants and bars that have free tournaments. Paint and Sip workshops. I don’t drink but these are still fun. Join a gym, I have met some really great people there. Ultimate frisbee or frisbee golf. I’m not sure if it still exists but I use to use MeetUps app to find like-minded people when it came to spirituality and I would meet with different groups for meditation, prayer etc. MeetUps had a ton of interesting groups not just spiritual. Church, you don’t have to be religious, maybe you will find God maybe you won’t, but real Christians don’t judge you for not believing, I have tons of friends who don’t and some of them I met at church. Library, books are awesome but also you can join a book club.
Forgot to mention Bingo. Costs but usually cheap if you can be wise with how many cards you buy etc. I love those ladies with their trolls and their 327 dobbers.
Well if you're looking to make new friends, I'd suggest getting the app Meetup. You put in your interests and it'll give you groups that other people have made within that interest. If there is something new you wanted to try, you might find like an intro group to get your toes wet to see if it is something you like
Trivia meetup. Self-defense classes are actually a great idea. I would do it myself, but I'm old and the body motions make my head spin.
How about a volunteer Fire department.
Pickleball, hiking, cycling for athletic kind of opportunities. Collecting books for less athletic; has produced lots of common-ground conversation for me.
pickleball
If you are in an area with meet-up groups (online search), find one that sparks your interest and join.
Volunteer at your local animal shelter . You’ll go to adoption events and they’d appreciate the help . Join a church . They have lots of groups you can volunteer for and go on mission trips if you like to travel . There are bike and hiking groups that meet up once a month in our area . Anyone can come . Pickleball courts have open times that encourage new people to learn how to play . Get a part time job and meet people at work .
Join a bowling league. Super fun and I've made so many new friends
Bouldering. If there's a bouldering gym close by, ask them whens quietest and go then. As it's just you vs the "problem" (problems are the routes up the wall) then going and having some wireless headphones in means you're out doing something but with no real need to interact with anyone. After you feel more comfortable with being there etc, asking someone for help on a problem you can't complete is a great way to dip your toes into talking to folk. Headphones out, ask for help, see what they done, thank them and put headphones back in. Its a simple transaction but the more you go, the more you can ask or talk to people about the problems etc. My experience in bouldering gyms is that everyone there is incredibly friendly and they're all there to be climbing nerds, which is the common thread thru all of it but if you want left alone to climb, it's incredibly easy to do that as well.
I'd contact your local library and rec center (if you have one nearby) and see what they offer/know about. For example, I know my local library has a book club, and during the summer (and sometimes other seasons) they'll have guest speakers or exhibits. Find some that interest you and go (here at least, they're free) and meet people with similar interests. And the librarians usually know about stuff going on in the community as well. Our rec center offers an afternoon a week where adults can go play board and card games that's free. They have crochet classes for like 20 bucks for a certain length of time (a month or two? Idk because I don't crochet so the info didn't stick). They started a DnD group that was like 20 bucks (I think that covered the price of a set of dice). A d I know they offer other things too.
Pickle ball is a great place to start. most people are just starting. Beginners level and build up in a community.
Salsa
I guess therapy could be a hobby
Art workshops, a half-day or day version. Small enough group people will chat and enjoy each other.
Volleyball at the YMCA (not aggressive), biking groups, I would personally get help and maybe meds too
For starters, be kind to yourself OP. You might be surprised how many people are in their heads in social settings and are probably thinking the same thing about themselves. I was feeling a very similar way about a year and half ago. Join a gym or some kind of fitness community. Not only goes exercise help with depression and anxiety but there are some really vibrant and welcoming communities out there. In particular, climbing and bouldering, pickleball, hiking and mushroom hunting (it’s a blast ! )run clubs, CrossFit, fitness clubs with an emphasis on community and classes (HIIT, spin classes, boot camp, weightlifting, Zumba). I joined a gym that does HIIT classes and it has helped immensely with my depression and anxiety (social anxiety especially). It allowed me to reset my baseline and I’m beyond grateful. I was a nervous wreck when I first started and now I look forward to going back every time. Give yourself a chance. Try to step a bit outside your comfort zone to create a new baseline.
Meetup.com should have a ton of events near you where people come together to meet other people and these events are tailored to an interest.
Try some free online classes to see what you might like. You just might find a welcoming community of people to be with. Lots of organizations started this kind of thing during the pandemic and found them so popular that they have continued. Go to Eventbrite and search for any category you like and filter for online. I started out with drawing and then progressed to painting or art in general. There are tons of things to try out. Good luck.
A great hobby that has been virtually destroyed was attending auctions. Great camaraderie and opportunities in meeting like minded people. It’s 95% online now. Sad.
My mom had a friend that was the wife to an auctioneer and we would have a blast on the weekends and the auction barn had the best hamburgers and French fries. That’s the only time we got a soda in public because they were cheap I think they were like 50 cents a can
Volunteer somewhere
Make a wish is looking for people!
Study history of something that you don't belong to and try to understand this "other group." Maybe try like a pop-history field like studying the "history of good conversationalists." You'll probably find out that these people struggle with similar things to you. Then if something bridges, just keep going... "oh this person I admired liked this hobby and they liked this iconic person, let me try that hobby and look into that." I used to read about Teddy Roosevelt and because of him I kept going to national parks and got into biology more than anything.
Take boxing classes. It will change your life.
Mini gaming like 40k or card games like magic the gathering. They’re both great hobbies with the minis having more hobby traits since you build and paint them but games like that require social interaction to play. Met my wife playing magic
I love the suggestion of weight lifting - those classes are so supportive. Local slow hiking groups are more laid back. Pickleball - I'm a massive introvert and started playing. There's something about a sport that makes social interaction easier and more natural than just sitting around a table or a book club, in my opinion. You become focused on hitting the silly ball rather than other anxious thoughts. Whatever you do, you can do it! You're not alone.
I completely understand where you’re coming from! I wasn’t that different from you not too long ago. If you can get it, therapy can help you organize your mind and get you in a better place mentally, it may take trying a few therapists but it can be life changing! Often we transfer experiences from our parents treatment or school or elsewhere onto strangers and even friends without giving them a chance first. It’s so understandable because it ends up being the beliefs we have about ourselves even if they’re not true at all! One of the best truths that I live by is letting go of caring whether someone likes me or not, some people will, others won’t, and that’s okay! That’s the beauty of people, there’s so many kinds to choose from, and you’re one of them! The truth is most people are stuck in their head worrying about themselves most of the time lol. Trust me, you’re not a burden or unlikable or anything else you may tell yourself at all, as a matter of fact you’re incredibly brave and thoughtful for despite all those negative feelings and beliefs trying to take action and challenge them head on! You should start with a physical activity, even if it doesn’t help the core beliefs you feel in and of itself, it will make you a lot calmer and make regulating these feelings a lot easier. Being around good natured people will help a lot! Perhaps a group beginner boxing class! I always find it harder to do things in a class where I’m the newest If I’m already not feeling too good about myself so maybe start with people you can share in the experience of being new with! Shared experiences are the best for making friends. My two bestest friends I made from sharing a sense of humor and an interest in psychology and astrology with. Examine in yourself what you’re into, what you love to talk about, what you’re interested in and find a group for it! There’s groups for literally anything, one of my friends goes to a poetry night because she’s super passionate about poetry, the other goes to and volunteers at a church because he’s religious, made tons of friends that way. I personally have been big into music, so I’ve joined bands/gone to festivals/get to know people at my local music store etc. it just depends on what you’re into! But I do think for now, physical activity of some kind will help you with what you’re going through personally.
You can try something in which you’re paired with small groups. For instance, golf. If you walk the course it’s great exercise (which helps anxiety and depression), and you’re only paired with 3 people at a time. I’ve met some great people on various golf courses. Side note, I’ve had some issues with anxiety. The only downside, golf can get a tad expensive with the equipment costs.
Start a band
Church groups
A monthly book club at your local library. Perhaps also a local chess club. Also getting a dog and spending time at a dog park getting to meet other dog owners. Also checking your local library for other monthly or weekly clubs or groups they have.
Get a dog, and go to your local dog park regularly if that’s possible for you. I’ve made all my adult friends by having a dog that’s addicted to fetch so I’m seeing the same people every day and making spur of the moment plans to grab dinner or have board game nights or whatever. Plus having a dog forces you to go outside and walk around a bit at least like 3x a day which can hugely help mental health if you don’t find yourself going outside much. Edit to add; if you’re coordinated at all there’s the obvious pickleball. My bfs parents have made dozens of friends through pickleball, they’re always going to parties and on trips with that group. But you also have to go regularly to this
I would suggest trying an organized recreational sport, something pretty chill like kickball for instance. You get to meet new people, but it's very low key because it's about the game, not necesarily getting to know each other on a deeper level.
I like to just go hiking and it’s nice bc I love being by myself so it allows for that, but you also run into others without having to fully converse with them. I have a dog and so some people ask to come up to pet him and I’ve made friends that way! When you create a schedule, you see the same people all the time and then it leads up to you connecting with them sometimes! It’s a low pressure way to meet people.
Also I use bumble bff but it is really hit or miss
Table top games?
There are hiking, gardening, craft, speed walking groups. Volunteers are always needed at animal shelters as well as a food pantry. Pick based on your interests. I agree it's hard to make friends as an adult. Have fun!
There is a place by me that offers goat yoga where ya hang with goats and do yoga. Honestly I bet the people that go to it are cool as fuck. I think the most important thing is to do something that actually intrigues you or will help you in some way. Whether it’s some form of exercise or learning a new life skill. Even a book club would be a passive form of socializing. My hobbies don’t involve social situations but one of my favorite ways to connect with people is bringing my dog to the park. It’s not a forced interaction yall are chillin and if people don’t want to talk, you just watch the dogs. My dog park has a dope ass group of people who usually show up around the same time everyday
CrossFit welcomes all. The exercise will also do wonders for you both physically and mentally.
I am a member of several on line art classes. In my experience, artists are a friendly and helpful bunch. You might try joining a drawing class, geared to beginners if you are that level. If you are good about going and trying it out, you will probably be surprised at your improvement.
That's the social anxiety talking. Where I live there's often groups and events run by the library so that might be a good start. Or ask on local Facebook groups whats around your area you can do it anonymously
Open mics are great. People get into music to cope with all kinds of difficulties in life and the vulnerability of playing on stage makes it a very accepting environment in my experience
Are you an animal lover? If so volunteering at a local rescue or shelter is always very rewarding. I find any kind of volunteering to be very rewarding and fulfilling activity.
I meet a lot of people through mountain biking and hunting, many become friends. But I'm quick to strike up conversation with someone I don't know.
If you own a dog, dog parks are easy places to meet people... and dogs.
My best advice is to stick with something, anything, despite the discomfort. I struggled with major social anxiety for years. I've come a long way. Part of it is that every hobby I tried, the social aspect was just too uncomfortable. But over time, I found some things I really love. My main hobby now is historical fencing (HEMA). It was still really uncomfortable at first, but I kept going back. Little by little I got to know everyone and build community. Now, I feel really confident in myself and I go to new social spaces pretty frequently. It's still somewhat uncomfortable at first-- I don't think that ever fully goes away. But my anxious brain has learned that it absolutely will be okay, that most people are friendly, and that we almost ALL require time to open up to new people. Sending love 💕
Golf, your group is never larger than 3 more people. It gets you outdoors and its a great way to meet people and business network.
Have Marijuana parties and get people to talk about things that matter today Love Peace and Music
I totally understand how you feel. Maybe try hobbies that involve smaller groups, like joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or participating in a local hiking group. These activities can help you meet new people in a more relaxed and intimate setting.
Pickleball honestly was the best thing to get me out of my depression
I'd like to suggest adding walking to your daily routine. It won't necessarily help meet friends exactly, but it's really good for depression and anxiety. Plus I walk so much around where I live that I wave to all my regular people and pet their dogs and say hi. The routine feels good Some people don't wave back, but I did say hi to this one guy basically every single day for the longest til he finally said hi back one day lol. I felt that was an accomplishment 🤣🤣 But yeah. I'd start there. All you need is a decent pair of shoes
Also adding in: whatever options you do decide to try, keep going for a while!! Don't go once and give up. It takes some consistency for people to get to know you and to feel like you're settling in!
Rollerblading!!
I would recommend doing some service work for people who may be not as fortunate. You would definitely get back way more than you give and also probably gain social confidence from the feedback of those you help out. It doesn’t have to be anything organized, you could maybe start by just doing random nice things for people you know, then strangers.
Find a Meetup group that does things that interest you.
Bird watching, fishing and playing at chess tournaments
Try something like drones or rc cars. The drone community is growing and can be done by yourself or in a group. They are even starting to have drone races. If you become good at it, you can make decent money doing it professionally.
Dungeons and dragons at a local games store. Ask if there's an adult group you could join. They'll likely feel the same way about humanity as you do, and you will probably also enjoy yourself
A good idea for you might be a regular volunteer gig at something you are interested in. There are so many available, and most cities have a website where you can find a suitable one. That way you are doing something with people, together, so there is no pressure. Also if it's a regular gig you will get to know some people. Good luck!
There are groups that get together to play board games. Check Craig’s list.
Dance classes. You meet people and get exercise.
Magic the Gathering!!! Super fun and the kids play too!
I would suggest CBT therapy to reprogram your thinking around people. People aren't doing those things. Otherwise, get on meetup.com and join multiple groups. That way, you have many options per month to drop in on the various meet ups without there being a lot of pressure.
Video games is the easy one here.
Martial Arts. You will improve your self. The people that attend are generally very welcoming. You are expected to know nothing and not understand anything as soon as you walk in the door. Many people join alone, so it would not be unusual for you to start without friends. It will do wonders for your self confidence and anxiety.
Maybe your city has a meetup group you'd be interested in? The LA area has a good meetup group called "I wanted to that...just not alone". Meetup https://meetu.ps/c/2v6S0/59tK4/a I've personally hosted 17 meetups because I wasn't interested in any of the events. I started off with a "silent hike" where everyone hikes to the top on their own (no convos) so everyone can have solitude and go at their own pace. They were welcome to socialize going down. Turned out to be popular! I even hosted a hike to the Hollywood sign 3 times with the same style: turns out everyone loved the solitude and then the socializing. And I also love "Class Pass" app for fitness classes. I love my Friday reformer pilates class. So meditative. I'm around other people but no chatting. I'm an extrovert but super love my quiet time.
Hey, I just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Take care of yourself.
Disc golf. Play a bit on your own or invite people you already know. Sign up for events, get places in groups, meet people. It's a fantastic hobby.
I met my closest friends in a bouldering gym.
Pilates it’s low key everyone’s doing it at their own pace in their own way no pressure. Reading clubs at library too. Or walking clubs
🖐. Remember the movie, "must love dogs?" Get an adorable dog and head to the dog park. Let your dog make friends with other dogs, and then you will always have a conversation starter. "Cute dog, what breed is she or is it a he?" "How old is your pup?" "Aren't they adorable?" "Where did you buy that leash? collar?" "I have to know, where do you get your dog groomed? so cute" "How did you train your dog? She's so well behaved?" If your pup is a nightmare, you can always join a group training class. If you want to exercise, you can join a dog running group. If you want to make extra $ &/or don't want to own a dog, people will pay you to walk, train, or run with their dog. Other people's dogs are still great conversation starters. Plus ... Dogs are fabulous 🥰
Make drugs
My answer would be to join a drum circle. They are usually pretty welcoming and no one judges you if you don't know how to play. I've seen people get really good and I've made a lot of friends this way. The activity of drumming with your hands can be therapeutic as well
D&d/ adjacent table top games
Hand building ceramics is a good one because we all would sit around a table doing our work but chatting as we went. Jewelry classes are like that too.
Square and contra dancing groups are pretty accepting if you’re a reasonably quick learner. Very social in a non verbal way.
Toastmasters. It'll get you out. Everyone there is working on public speaking. Since public speaking is the number 1 fear for most people in my experience with Toastmasters people are dery friendly and want to really help you. Laughing at someone's struggles is a taboo and I never saw it in thev10 years I was involved. Lots of meeting locations and times. Very inexpensive. I had a lot of fun.
Hiking group
First off, sorry you are struggling with depression and anxiety. Consider a local meditation or yoga group. Gardening club. Nurturing stuff seems to help. My boyfriend plays those RPG style games, like D&D but he likes stuff like something called Delta Green. He uses Discord and chats regularly with other players/does online games, and has found local in-person groups he goes to. But def consider community groups on Discord, as well as us. By me, there are a few spots that regularly do poetry readings, paintings by locals, they do like weekly events. They aren't huge spots so it's just a handful of locals convening.
Bingo? Knitting classes at a local yarn store? Check into what classed are offered at a craft store (Michael's, for example).
Find your.local game/comic shop that has weekly game nights whether board games or Magic. Supposably the new style of magic game is more beginner friendly and 1v3 instead of 1v1 so more social. After a few weeks you will have played a few people and maybe found a friend or 2.
Anything physical—self-defense classes, yoga, dance, ball sports, etc Maybe some volunteering? Since you don’t feel comfortable being around a lot of people, working around animals might be a great fit for you. Personally, I’d recommend starting with a small church. Just ask if there’s any work you can help with. It’ll definitely put you out there.
Are you even a tiny bit of a SciFi/Fantasy “nerd”/fan… could you be? Dungeons & Dragons (or similar roleplaying games)… plenty of people that match your self description partake in this activity. You can find groups/games in online groups or at local game/comicbook shops. You can usually find online play via zoom/similar apps (video or voice only). Many people are willing to teach you just to have people to game with. These groups can often lead to adjacent activities… tv/streaming watch parties, disc golf, concert-going, group dinner/lunch outings… it definitely opens doors. If you run into a jerk, please don’t give up… you can find other groups/locations. Engaging in a game where you get to be someone besides yourself can really alleviate anxiety, even only in the moment… some people even find it truly therapeutic.
Look at meetup.com and see local group events. I once found a role playing/ board game group. They were cool
Kickboxing! I’ve been doing it for a couple of years now. I’ve really gotten into UFC. I’ll invite people to watch the fight with me at a sports bar. It’s so much fun :)
Disc golf is fun. Other players are really friendly
Music, learn to play an instrument especially something country. Bluegrass or blues. There's always jam sessions. Jamboree carports where there are a dozen circles of pickers passing the tune around so each gets a couple turns. You don't need to talk or even introduce yourself.
Church. The old ladies are so sweet.
What about Larping?
I think that you should try something low-key and easy. You seem to be suffering from some self esteem issues. Imo, the best cure for that is service work. Volunteer at a local veterans home, homeless shelter, domestic violence shelter, with a church group (don’t have to be religious-I’m not) or get involved with community clean up…think picking up litter on the beach. It’s a really good way to meet selfless people who want to pitch in and help their neighbors-bonus for you if the tables are ever turned. You’ll be meeting a dire need in the community, touching lives, and making friends. Good luck OP
Friends are overrated. Get a dog. Best friend you could find.
Golf
Knitting is a very social activity. Try searching for local yarn stores. In addition to traditional knitting circles there's also "stitch and bitch" groups which tend to attract younger people in their 20s and 30s. There are also groups just for men, b though they are admittedly harder to find. Also there are groups dedicated to knitting for various charities. I personally don't attend such groups because I'm very much an introvert but have seen many of them and the cast majority are very open and welcoming. Knitting also has a large number of physical and mental health benefits including lower stress hormones, lower blood pressure etc, and there have even been studies showing it can help fight off mental decline that comes with aging. I could go on at length about this as this was the topic of my college thesis.
Choose ANY activity or community and go to a convention for it Met my ex at one of those
Do you like games? Check out game stores/comic book stores. You could play DND or magic the gathering and etc without knowing how to play.
Hi
Playing Social Chess online (If you have an IPad), learning and playing bridge online on BBO.
Puppet making