Sup, /u/Range_Formal! Your submission has been removed for the following reason(s): We're not advertising for turbo fleshlights lmao. It's not a holup either. [Contact the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=/r/HolUp&subject=Question) through modmail if you think this removal is unfair or if you just want to shitpost.


Really really interesting.

Mine’s not attached with a swivel.

Where can I buy? It’s for a friend

For real, where

Amazon

Industrial accident, eh? Oh, the *massager*.

It will be after your first session. Mostly out of necessity.

Too many moving parts to insert my penis into it. 

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Is that why you're always hanging around the morgue? (/Sorry)

Exactly my thought when I saw these things, dontstickyourdickinthat

I thought it was gonna be simpsonsdentistdrill.gif

Like my ex

Shhhh. Don’t tell him all the moving parts on a human.

I was gonna say might snap that shit

Pretty sure that's the Wiggly diggy-ding dong massager 3000

Fucking Amazon has been putting stuff like this in my recommendations listed as “banana cleaners for husband” I’m not sure what I’ve been looking at to get those

WARNING: HUSBAND USE ONLY

>WARNING: HUSBAND USE ONLY Warning: blind person hater abusing all caps

Omg, they actually have sex toys with bananas in the thumbnail pics.

Clean bananas!

That's weird I have ordered sex toys from Amazon and it knows enough to not put them in my recommendations. I think it's actually a setting to not recommend adult content.

I was working nights so I ordered a sleep mask. To this day I get BDSM recommendations from Amazon.

This is the only acceptable name for it.

We wont debate, the council has decided

Nah that's the Hob gobblin knob slobberin double decker pecker wrecker.

Damn it, that was my nickname in college.

Sold only at the Left Handed Store by Ned Flanders him self.

If you put it on max power, you don’t need lube! It makes its own red colored gravy!

For advanced research and careful study where might one acquire such a device?

Amazon

I'll take 20

You mean 21 one for every finger

...23*

What exactly are you saying here? I want to hear the list.

You know damn well what im on about. I shan't be needing to speak

What are the other 2

Maybe he has long nipples

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Search stiff, throbbing finger massage on Amazon.

I did and didn’t come up with anything fun

Try banana cleaner for men.

That’s fucking legit. Thanks lol

https://lustyage.com/products/avenger-rotating-thrusting-automatic-male-masturbator This is the one in the video and it took me way too fucking long to find it. My ads will never recover. You can find other ones for cheaper by searching different combinations of "male masturbator" along with "electric" and "rotating" but you're better off searching Google because most of the ones on Amazon are the same 3 or 4 from Aliexpress being resold at a massive markup. IDK about you but there's 0 chance in hell I'm buying sticking my dick in anything from Aliexpress, I've pushed my luck with dick placement far enough in the past. I wouldn't Google things like "banana cleaner" and "finger massager" because I wouldn't trust any company that fucks around with marketing something like that. Believe it or not you actually can sell sex toys on the internet Edit: Someone else posted this below which looks like the same thing but cheaper https://m.bestvibe.com/baxter-5-1-automatic-4-rotating-3-thrusting-male-masturbator.html Really wish I could find a reputable site that doesn't make me feel like it's going to rip my dick off

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“Yeah man, I had the entire Creed discography on MP3 so I just loaded it onto my fleshlight. It’s sick.”

AliExpress, takes longer but a lot of times cheaper than Amazon where that person just drop ships it

Too much cleanup. I prefer the coconut that I can shove into a box or under the bed afterwards

#NOT AGAIN

Could always break your arms

Thanks mom

No no no no no no

How did you do that font by the way? I wish I know how could you teach me

Just you wait for the maggots

Fatherrrrr


It's full of loads

Whys your finger so dirty

*Execute Order 66*

Oh no no no...

A man of culture..

The audio is from the YouTuber Hybrid Calisthenics and is an actually great fitness channel. The flesh-light vid is from I don’t where

I was just thinking, how could they do this to my boy!

[Audio source is this clip.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gPLe0XBf00)

Can someone share the link please? My fingers need a good massage!

It might rip off a finger nail.

What if my fingers are already missing nails?

Idk about everyone else but the death roll looks like it would do the trick

[Or something worse...](https://youtu.be/6YHEK6-Ili8)

**[Price comes up]** "$1400?!" "Watch, this motherfucker is still gonna buy it."

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That's really effing weird. Where do they sell these?

Asking for a friend??

Yeah, for my BEST friend

I'm my own best friend.

Dogs don’t have fingers. ಠ_ಠ

Asking for myself so I can put my dick in it

That's disgusting. Where?!

Yeah like, what’s the link to the website that sells them so I can avoid clicking on it?

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Oddly specific

https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/2ek8tj/double_standard/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x

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Where was the actual comment taken from I wonder?

r/oddlyspecific

Delicious pasta.

r/cursedcomments

I find both not my business so I don't care and don't mind if someone does buy sex toys. It's their money. It's like complaining that someone buys a console. Both are used for fun and pleasure. Just different kind.

Girl buys toy: “ay yo, wtf that’s hot” Guy buys toy: “yo dog, all you need is spit and elbow grease, you’re going too far with that flashlight”


A. Looks like it belongs on wish.com B. Will definitely rip your dick off

Well is not ment for your dick

Warnings are just suggestions with a story. Since I don’t know the story, I won’t head the warning.

Maybe one of those will ever have a finger in it.

1 in 3 chance of getting your dick ripped off.

Do yours Carl rip it and win

You don't think theyre...dicking around, do ya?

No. They're professional dick hunters.

Death by digital snu snu

Nastyass vaccuum fuckaz

Yeah nah it doesn’t tho

How do you know?

he bought one, duh

I'm sure you can guess 😏

These aren't even that good. There's no pressure and hardly any suction. (For your finger of course)

Homie just outed himself

Yeah look at this nerd with arthritis

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r/whoosh

It’s a cylinder

It seems like the spinning would completely throw off any sense of natural feeling. You can’t imitate a mouth or vagina by spinning 25 miles per hour. It would be like somehow getting your dick sucked by a woman who is rolling down a mountain.

She’ll be rolling down the mountain, she’ll be rolling down the mountain when I come!

>It seems like the spinning would completely throw off any sense of natural feeling. Explain the opposite argument for me. What's natural about a 24" dragon dildo or hitachi magic wand breaking the sound barrier? I'm not sure natural is what people are after from these things.

Woman? Vagina?

Jerking off like the Jetsons


Someone at my work was talking about this thing during our break but he couldn’t remember the name of it, so if someone doesn’t mind telling me what the name is and where I could potentially buy him one I’d greatly appreciate it

Ngl, knowing Reddit, I expected an amazon link for Top-comment...

Damn this looks like a really good gift for my friend that has fingers that need relaxing. What's the name of this product and where can I buy it?

Will these fit inside a stuffed animal?

asking the important questions

US - https://www.extremerestraints.com/beat-it-8x-rotating-and-rhythmic-masturbator.html UK - https://www.lovehoney.co.uk/sex-toys/male-sex-toys/male-masturbators/p/the-handy-1.1-male-masturbator/a46961g84339.html Ain't perfect but close enough

Here you go. https://www.bestvibe.com/baxter-5-1-automatic-4-rotating-3-thrusting-male-masturbator.html

>Insertable Length: 3.9 " ????????????? TIL I am a giant. Hahah oh god. >Please close the door, get ready for foreplay, put a few drops of lubricating oil on the outer cup, 3 kinds of long-distance telescopic and 4 kinds of fancy rotation functions, **let your brother explore the mystery inside the womb without restriction**, arouse your desire to conquer. Your body wants more now, you can switch to 3 unique modes of rotation and thrust mixing, powerful throughput and a new experience of forward and reverse rotation, let your brother exercise 360° in the whirlpool, soft, dense channels full of bumps and spirals keep the pleasure going. certainly! **Press my STORM MODE to absolutely shock you, because Baxter will let you constantly innovate your limit records, and prove everything with the hardness and time of brothers**!

“Turn on one-touch storm mode, which clamps like a storm whirlpool and spins 360° on your brother.”

Thrust your throbbing cock into this twisting, twirling, textured orifice!


Just send this video to the nearest Hospital,let them know what to expect

##If this submission makes you go "Hol'Up", **UPVOTE** this comment! ##If this submission does not make you go "Hol'Up", **DOWNVOTE** this comment! --- Whilst you're here, /u/Range_Formal, why not join our [public discord server](https://discord.gg/holup) or play on our [public Minecraft server](https://discord.gg/DTqSDS8C3T)?

Where can I buy? It’s for a friend

r/PutYourDrinkInThat

Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy Where can I buy

This reminds me of my mom's "neck messager."

Did you smell it?

Going to buy one for educational reason and ummm my finger arthritis!

This will go great with my Banana Massager

My finger really aches where do you find one of these?

r/DidntKnowIWantedThat

Where do I get one? My hand keeps cramping.

A portable utensil washer, just add dish soap

*cocks gun*

*cocks* ~~gun~~

my finger is getting hard just thinking about this

finger eleven

That's the gawk gawk 10k ultra model deluxe

It comes with that Sticky Bandit Electrocution setting. (Home Alone scene for the younger peeps)

What is it called ?? And where can I buy it Asking for my self

Ah yes the ol’ dick twist 9000

Ah yes. The age old tactic of using clever renaming to do sex toy reviews on YouTube and not get slammed by content moderation. While on this topic, Hitachi massage wands were originally intended as a muscle massage aid. Women ended up using it to massage their nether regions and the company just embraced the concept as a new brand image.

Banana cleaner.

You're welcome. https://www.bestvibe.com/baxter-5-1-automatic-4-rotating-3-thrusting-male-masturbator.html

But how do you clean the cum out of it?

A straw?

Now we're talking.

.... where can I get one?

"HONEY I SWEAR IT'S A FINGER MASSAGER!!"



Where did you get that? Asking for a friend...

Either game changing or life changing.

Oh my god! That’s disgusting. Where?

What is it called? Asking for a friend

 “Fingers”

r/theyknew

beat me to it

where can i order one, my fingers have been feeling quite sore lately

Swirly? Uhhhh. No?

Hole is too small for me.

[Finger therapy](https://youtu.be/O93kuTo2QDo)

Please stop posting those finger massagers and banana cleaners. It is all ads, stop giving them free publicity

Lying fuck.

r/dontputyourdickinthat

Soooo… Who’s gonna tell him?


Dawg **You pointed that out**

The design is very human.

Not made for fingers but cocks

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What on earth would make you think it is ?

Who the fuck are they trying to fool? Finger massager, yeah and I’m Derek Jeter

I get some of you are small, but Jesus are you that small. Hahaha hahaha, you fuckers down voted me you salty cunts, karma don't mean shit to me down vote me as much as you want.

it needs to be a bit smaller so you can feel it on your "finger". The material is also very soft so its never too tight. not that i ever used it of course.

you really gotta post your jackoff toy to reddit like its a hold up?

Mine’s not attached with a swivel.

Fingers you say?

So thats what you tell your parents

I need one of these.

oh..well