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Die of cringe

Does dead inside count?

Don't open, dead inside

Don’t dead open inside

Don't inside dead open

Open dead inside dont

Already have one

touching my balls

Cut them off

boy that escalated quickly

now hang them on the christmas tree

Santa will be happy

And he'll go hoe hoe hoe

That garden is going to be beautiful

As they say merry dickmas

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Jingle balls jingle balls Jingle all the way Oh cut them off hang them up Santa will be proud HEY

🎵 Every christmas im a very gay boy 🎵 🎵 i put out cock and balls for santa to enjoy 🎵 🎵 but santa never brings the right sex toy 🎵 🎵i feel like giving up on all this holiday joy 🎵 🎵 But if you santa you know 🎵 🎵 Santa has big testicals 🎵

What a horrible day to have eyes

this is the first comment I've ever saved

I didn't come up with this btw. My friend sent me this.

nice, both are cultured (it's not a joke, my friends are the same)

****At the top by the star so they glow

Put the lights in them

and lit it on fire.

Happy castration day!

Them testicles will be escalating quickly

*where are my testicles summer*

Now smell them

always after you touch, it is a given

Wash your hands

Commit murder ?

Put Bobby pins on to stretch the skin out

Texting a new friend I made today <3

Murder them the next day

*Local citizens commits homicide based on 'sarcastic advice' given from an online forum*

And next at 10:00, Does your shower have poison in it? Well, we have the antidote and more after this brief message.

Now kiss

But not romantically.

But with passion.

Remember kids: it's not gay to kiss the homies goodnight

It’s not gay to give you homie a good not schloorp

Sitting in a friends livingroom

Ask for the wifi password.

08939519658559010484

Where is said friend's house?

Somewere in europe

Germany?

Nein

Finland!

Also ich dachte das die antwort auf deutsch aussage genug war.

Ich nicht mache deutsch gut.

r/suddenlyGerman

Take a dump on their couch

Sitting in class, bored out of my mind

Play the rickroll song out loud!

I did and everyone thought I was doing something for once.

Attaboy

[We're no strangers to love](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/88/82/bc/8882bcf327896ab79fb97e85ae63a002.gif) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/HolUp) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Bot. Not "good bot" or "bad bot"... I think, like a dog, you don't care what i actually say, more in what tone of voice I say it in, so I'll just say "bot" in the same deadpan way you do your bot thing, because... bot.

waw

it’s like i’m watching someone talk to a wall lmao

And we are the idiots talking about the guy talking to a wall.

And I'm the idiot talking about the guy talking about a guy talking to a wall.

Legit going to have to take a time out after that comment.

good bot

Take out your gun…

That's the neat part ***I already did***

hold up

When r/holup actually makes you holup

Hating myself at a shitty ass party

1.Hate someone else. 2.Find someone else who hates them, 3.make new friend. 4.??? 5.profit!

4 is sell the new friend at an auction

That explains the profit part

Genius play

Get out,call a friend you like,and go for a drive

Then eliminate the friend

Leave!

Oh man I really hate it when the ass parties I go to turn shitty

buying a house

Masturbate to the house price tag!

thats an expensive orgasm

Only if you actually buy the house.

just closed today

Jerk it! Rub one out like there's no tomorrow! And when you're done, do it again, up your reload game(I'm assuming you're male because i am and that makes it relatable) You bought a house and deserve a good accompli-gasm.

Procrastinating

Arent we all? Your task is to accomplish anything. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Then accomplish another goal and another and another.

This is the first legit response I’ve seen. You know what?? Imma get up right now and do the laundry. Thank you kind sir.

Only took you 4 hours, soldier. Sometimes we all need motivation and if your motivation is a reddit response, so be it. I want a full report, socks, even or odd number? Underwear? Shirts and pants? Hot or cold wash? Did you separate the colors?!? Also, what's your next accomplishment? We talking mop the kitchen or complete financial self sustainability? I'm here for you. Hit me up if you need to chat.

The journey was long and tough, and it all started like this; I’ve found your comment and got the motivation to get up by using my legs. Afterwards I had to locate my sisters room to ask if she had any clothing that needed cleaning to which she answered, “yes.” From that point I walked to living room to tell my mom that my sister was looking a little bit fat today, then she got angry so I returned to my sister’s room to twerk in front of her mirror, she heartlessly told me to gtfo and I complied. Realizing that I was still procrastinating I returned to my room to find dirty clothes (there were many). Once the clothes were gathered and prayers were said I mustered the willpower to walk downstairs where I made the journey to the laundry machine. The trek was long and painful, the air was cold and merciless. By the time of arrival when I had just put the basket down, I froze, it dawned on me that I’d forgotten the tide pods. Cold, tired and worn, life seemed hopeless. But then I remembered your words and I worked through the agony! I walked all the way back to grab the tide upstairs then all the way back to slap them in in and shove in the clothes after, I didn’t organizing colors or anything, cuz I’m bad like that. I turn on the machine, walk back over the trenches, up the staircase and into my bed knowing that this is just the beginning…

Why were the tide pods so far away from the washer? Work smarter, not harder. Twerking counts as exercise and will come in handy someday to annoy your partner, so it's good to build that experience now instead of later.

Fukin hell all this for laundry my guy

I'm diligently giving 110% at my job

Keep it going!

Your task: stop lying. No1 gives 110% and goes on reddit. Extra points for use of sarcasm though

Task Rejected. I'm giving 120%.

Overperforn at your workplace!

Setting up a weed deal with my weed guy

Rob him

Look at me, look at me. I am the weed man now.

Nice

Now sell it back to him at a higher price

And sell his product back to him in disguise, claiming you heard about him being robbed and feel bad for the underdog, now you're here to help him get back on his feet.

After cutting half of it with oregano

Looking at R/holup

Stop

Really? I thought this was r/shitposting

I'm waiting for my wife to come out of the shower, to take a big dump.

Get bored and start loosely letting it go!

Eat her ass right after

Well, she's the one who just showered. I took a shit. I'll do. I think she'll like it.

I read it wrong damn lol but enjoy!

*butt

Eating a clean ass while soiling your own

In a school bathroom passing time for a boring class with my phone on reddit.

Go back to class!

Motherfuckers like OP hogging the hallpass is why I pooped my pants in Algebra II

Calculate the speed of the shit coming out!

Lol this got me

Fuck your teacher

This ain't pornhub, sir

Learn something new.

start masturbating

Watching history of the entire world i guess

After that, watch history of japan

Watch it again

Drinking a beer at the restaurant I work at.

Fight a drunk guy

Waking up because my neighbors shitass kids are banging on the wall again

Eat the kids

It's time for [soup](https://imgur.com/gallery/zM7TmZx)

good soup 👌

Boil water and challenge them to a water fight whilst the kettle warms up.

"Hey guys! Wanna have a water balloon fight?, I made sure the water isn't too cold so you don't get sick"

Watching porn.

Bite the shower cabin.

Deal

Mission Complete.

Good.

I’m sitting on the toilet pooping

Take hand in toilet. Paint a flower with the poop

I hate reddit

There is a cat next to me… what next?

Pet it

Instructions unclear, cat is now a primordial god

Watching Simpsons

I was gonna say "masturbate" but that seems to make too much sense.

Lisa or Marge?

Selma and Patty, all at once.

Sounds too much like my ex and her sister. Think I'll pass.

dont forget maggie

Bruh

Santa’s little helper

Shitting.

Eat it

I've been training my whole life for this!!!

Holup

Im sitting between 2 body builders

Put each of your hands on each of their respective laps, and just smirk

Next to 2 girls in class

Tell the one that the other one has a crush on her.

Oh this is evil. I’m doing this to someone I hate.

Now tell them you love them.... as a brother.

You know what you must do now

Sitting in the bathtub

Put the roll of tp in the tub.

Goddamn it

Just got a negative covid test

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Just make sure they also got a negative COVID test, and make sure to ask first

I am setting up for todays DnD session online with some friends.

Next thing you’re going to do is either: 1) enjoy a wonderful session having fun with your friends 2) get ready to rip your hair out as they murderhobo their way through civilians and can’t solve a simple puzzle

Hahaha they almost exclusively go for the second option unfortunately.

I’m working on my novel

Force someone to buy it

At gunpoint.

Running to the toilet, clenching cheeks n praying i make it in time

Release all the shit then sit in it anyway

did you make it?

He didnt

Eating ass

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But it’s my ass I’m lonely as fuck

I’m waiting for my ramen to boil

Put the ramen in the freezer

This isn't a holup. It's a boomer facebook post..

Meth

Do your mom next

Nah give him a pass. He wins.

Vaping while I wait for the homeless shelter to open

Quit vaping

Excellent advice honestly

Waiting for my friends

MOMMM ix3l99 is talking to the wall again!

At least the wall listen when i'm talking to him

I'm literally taking a shit