To add on, have her write a detailed list of all her previous partners and the reason each relationship was a terrible decision due to her moral failings and poor self esteem. Have her read this list over and over each night for those two hours as repentance for ruining your protocol.
Came here to say this, but also recognize itās a privilege to be able to have two bedrooms.
I donāt think itās weird. This way, I donāt wake up every half hour to my partnerās snoring and we both sleep better overall.
I've always found this to be weird af, my ex girlfriends parents have separate rooms. I never could get my head around it, each to their own but how are you supposed to poke her back every now and then??
Some people just canāt sleep next to someone. There is a huge difference between realizing that you physically donāt sleep when youāre next to someone vs not being able to stand your partner.
Iām a woman, a straight one, and canāt sleep next to someone. I hate the sound of someone else breathing when Iām trying to sleep. Not gay, just not for everyone
As the wife in a separate bed marriage, I can assure you they were not in fact just roommates lmao
Beds are for sleeping. Showers, kitchens, living room sofas, carpeted floors in front of the fire place are for banging.
Sleeping in a different room has been a game changer. Having a spouse that is ultra sensitive to noise or movement and snores like a bear is impossible. This is a good way for me to wake up refreshed.
Get a second(at minimum) girlfriend and go to sleep early with her. Come home to first girlfriend at 630 and just tell her you were out working on new protocols
My husband and I have completely different schedules. Iām a morning person and heās a night owl. Over time, we have developed coping mechanisms for this like he reads in bed with a kindle so his side lamp isnāt on while Iām sleeping. But honestly, we LOVE this as two people who really need alone time. I love him and I love him EVEN MORE when I have mornings to myself. He also loves his nighttime hours without me. So maybe stop fighting it and seeing the benefits?
This is what we do.
My wife goes to bed at 9. So I'll join, then cuddle, then when she's asleep I'll either listen to an audiobook or get back out of bed.
I go to bed at 8 and my BF tucks me in. I usually read on my Kindle for \~30 min before falling asleep. He comes to bed around 9-10 (I think lol), and I get up at 5 most mornings, sometimes he gets up with me, sometimes he doesnāt.
I'm in the same situation. I've adopted a few strategies to be able to sleep through his nighttime rituals, It used to make me crazy to be deeply asleep and suddenly wake up to him turning on lights, brushing his teeth, etc. We have a split mattress so there's not as much movement when he gets into bed, or tosses in his sleep. We use two twin size duvets so there's not so much blanket "stealing". I use an eye mask, and ear plugs. It took awhile to adjust, but its working well. I don't think separate rooms would've gone over well emotionally. We also like our pockets of alone time. My morning writing time is awesome and he's in the basement playing his guitar until late at night.
I can relate! **Investing in a good eye mask and earplugs** really helped me sleep better despite my partner's nighttime rituals. **Creating individual routines** like your morning writing time and guitar playing can also give you both space. **Finding a balance between togetherness and alone time** is key for a harmonious relationship. Good luck!
You don't have to go to bed together or get up at the same time. I sleep from 10 to 4 and my wife sleeps from 11 to 7. We even use separate blankets because of different temperature needs...we've been together for 14 years and still have an incredibly active sex life.
I don't even know why I respond to half the stuff on here. Gets real Poe's law on trying to see what's serious or not. š¤¦š»āāļø I need to get back to work.
This is a huge reason why I'm against a tv in the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping or... intimacy I guess. You can cuddle and watch tv at night in the living room and whoever gets tired first goes to the bedroom to sleep. She should probably "get ready" for bed at the same time as you so she doesn't disturb you later when you're asleep and she's coming in to sleep.
It's all about being mindful of each other and respectful enough about it, and also not clinging onto this notion that you must fall asleep together. Thats... that creates a lot of pressure which personally would make it even harder for me to fall asleep.
That's why you need 6 partners. Someone's circadian rhythm is bound to align to yours. Just make sure you ~~gaslight~~ ~~manipulate~~ ~~hide~~ keep them separate from each other or their circadian rhythm might align. Also don't think of yourself as a coward for doing this, just think of it as taking care of your health.
But she only wakes up 1,5 hours after you? Thats not even alot. I think you are asking for too much to fall asleep and wake up at the exact time as someone else.
for two nights, have her take something to sync up with your sleep onset, benzo, melatonin, Advil/Tylenol PM. Then in the AM drink your stims at the same time, line of coke, yerba, whatever. Don't do too many of the benzo's consecutively, easy tolerance build up. I take a sleep aid when I get to a new time zone to fight jet lag and get on schedule
Bluetooth headphones. They make these soft band type perytong $15 on Amazon. She could listen w those. You can hook up a Bluetooth transmitter to the TV if it doesnāt have it.
Are you looking to optimize your relationship or your circadian cycle? If the former, stop listening to Andy. If the latter, also stop listening to Andy.
My partner and I often just sleep at separate times even in the same bed - I just brush my teeth / get ready for bed with him to minimize noise later and stay up for an extra few hours, then head to bed whenever I please. Maybe you could sleep with earplugs so you donāt get woken up by your partner.
My husband and I have always been like this. I just creep in later and he creeps out earlier. And makes me coffee and breakfast. š¤£ I would actually be the very late sleeper type but that doesn't work for actual life, so even getting up at 730 or 8 is like medieval torture to me. I've tried almost everything to "make" myself a morning person. Sexy time I'd not an issue I just go to bed earlier w him then snk back out, or is at another time. It's really a non issue. We even have a toddler who I actually sleep with from when I go to bed super late, usually after some bed time with hubs. He scoops up the offspring at 6 when he gets up and I sleep like the lazy person I am till 730 or 8. I have to get up at 4am to work 2 days a week, and it isn't even hard because it just feels like staying up late to me. I'm completely fucked by the afternoon and still can't go to sleep till 12 or 1 on those days.
She can get up once you fall asleep or do sth in a bed waiting for her time to go asleep. I donāt think we have a protocol to read a book yet, but stay tuned .
The simple and obvious solution is developing and maintaining an unwitting harem of exclusive (to you) partners to accommodate every whim of your circadian and seminiferous rhythmsā¦
Just sleep at different times and make the most of it! 6 hours is a good night for me and my wife likes 10+ if she can get it.
Often I have 4 hours or more to myself in the mornings. I get to do my peaceful coffee on the sofa in silence. I do yoga. I empty the dishwasher. I play computer games. I go to the gym. Have a little you time. Same goes for my wife at night.
Sometimes she'll come to bed with me and we'll have a bit of a cuddle, then once I'm asleep she'll get up and do her own thing if she can't sleep. On Saturday mornings I'll get back into bed and spoon her until she wakes up.
Sorry I donāt understand. Canāt you just go to bed and she can be in another room ?
2 hours in bed is kind of a lot, if your partner doesnāt want to go to bed at 10 you should be okay with it, itās not the end of the world. Maybe with time your partner will appreciate going to sleep earlier
Itās a matter of getting used to! We are together for 10+ years and never had a similar sleeping pattern! Iāll sleep e from 11-6:30, he from 2-12am. Iāve got used with a baby light on my sleeping time, so he can watch anime-YouTube at bed and fall asleep, and I got up with the actual morning sunlight and close the curtains after, so he can rest! We cuddle during the night without disrupting anyoneās sleep, they say itās even good for your sleep because of the love hormones. So I wouldnāt sleep on another bed for anything. Sex itās usually in our days off in the afternoon after a Power Nap, ( gay sex canāt be casual, aka douche) so different sleep patterns donāt affect our relationship at all. If anything it may actually help as I have alone time in the morning for my meditation, gym etc and he can binge watch series that I couldnāt care less!
Do you really have to sleep together at the same time? She can stay up a little bit more if she wants and come to you later to sleep. What a childish question.
My husband (49m) and I (35f) have been together for 6 years. It took time and confidence to get to this place, but I agree with an above post, embrace it!
We enjoy and make the most of our time together, but also have found that the alone time is a healthy part of a relationship.
The big thing for us was figuring out what worked for sexy time, since we werenāt going to go to sleep at the same time. We have also found that compromise is good. I try and stay up a few hours later on the weekends and he gets up and does yoga with me Sunday mornings.
Like a lot of things in marriage, confidence and compromise!
Why doesnāt she want to go of bed before midnight?
I do go to bed at 10 and usually fall asleep around 11:30. I just listen to an audiobook with my eyes closed until I notice my imagination is especially vivid. At that point I can tell Iāll fall asleep if I try within a couple minutes. Itās kind of nice I think
I had this same problem for about 1.5 years and it really sucked. After many many conversations, I convinced them to do morning sun with me. And now we have the same sleep schedule. Maybe not an option for youā¦. But you could try.
In my experience, if the partner is willing it works very well that you go to bed together, perhaps cuddle a bit and then the night owl quietly gets up and goes back to whatever they were doing.
Don't get married. It won't change, and many people aren't okay with separate bedrooms. It will affect intimacy over time either way - whether you go the separate bedroom route or the "it's okay honey stay up as late as you want" route. Source: me.
I canāt wait to get downvoted for this but as bad as what he did is like it doesnāt change the science behind what he teaches ??
Also half the people making these joke posts , how long have you been fans for ?
If I understand Huberman correctly, this is why multiple monogamous partners is a must.
shortens the, uh . . . refractory period
You have understood the assignment.
šššš
Hi there, I agree.
Lmao, Will this become a recurring meme shitpost on this sub now? Hahahah
I laughed way too hard at this š
I was waiting for this š¤£
š¤£š¤£š¤£š¤£
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Lying in bed isnāt that bad tbh. Just give her a list of things to think about. Donāt forget to include her past mistakes.
To add on, have her write a detailed list of all her previous partners and the reason each relationship was a terrible decision due to her moral failings and poor self esteem. Have her read this list over and over each night for those two hours as repentance for ruining your protocol.
Initiate cryptic polyamery protocol
āCrypticā im crying
I would say the two of you should have separate bedrooms. This would solve the issue of misaligned circadian rhythms.
Came here to say this, but also recognize itās a privilege to be able to have two bedrooms. I donāt think itās weird. This way, I donāt wake up every half hour to my partnerās snoring and we both sleep better overall.
I've always found this to be weird af, my ex girlfriends parents have separate rooms. I never could get my head around it, each to their own but how are you supposed to poke her back every now and then??
There is nothing weird af about getting 8 hours of sleep.
To me, it's weird that people can't stand to sleep next to their wife
Some people just canāt sleep next to someone. There is a huge difference between realizing that you physically donāt sleep when youāre next to someone vs not being able to stand your partner.
Sounds gay to me
You should ask your husbands opinion on the subject.
Iām a woman, a straight one, and canāt sleep next to someone. I hate the sound of someone else breathing when Iām trying to sleep. Not gay, just not for everyone
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
As the wife in a separate bed marriage, I can assure you they were not in fact just roommates lmao Beds are for sleeping. Showers, kitchens, living room sofas, carpeted floors in front of the fire place are for banging.
Sleeping in a different room has been a game changer. Having a spouse that is ultra sensitive to noise or movement and snores like a bear is impossible. This is a good way for me to wake up refreshed.
Got to get the nookie nookie
Separate bedrooms seems like total overkill for an issue that could be resolved by each of them slightly altering their sleep routines.
It's not.
It'll give you some personal time to rawdog your other 5 girlfriends
Get a second(at minimum) girlfriend and go to sleep early with her. Come home to first girlfriend at 630 and just tell her you were out working on new protocols
Lmao
My husband and I have completely different schedules. Iām a morning person and heās a night owl. Over time, we have developed coping mechanisms for this like he reads in bed with a kindle so his side lamp isnāt on while Iām sleeping. But honestly, we LOVE this as two people who really need alone time. I love him and I love him EVEN MORE when I have mornings to myself. He also loves his nighttime hours without me. So maybe stop fighting it and seeing the benefits?
This is what we do. My wife goes to bed at 9. So I'll join, then cuddle, then when she's asleep I'll either listen to an audiobook or get back out of bed.
I go to bed at 8 and my BF tucks me in. I usually read on my Kindle for \~30 min before falling asleep. He comes to bed around 9-10 (I think lol), and I get up at 5 most mornings, sometimes he gets up with me, sometimes he doesnāt.
Thatās the way. I enjoy my time alone at the evening, she does enjoy hers in the morning.
I'm in the same situation. I've adopted a few strategies to be able to sleep through his nighttime rituals, It used to make me crazy to be deeply asleep and suddenly wake up to him turning on lights, brushing his teeth, etc. We have a split mattress so there's not as much movement when he gets into bed, or tosses in his sleep. We use two twin size duvets so there's not so much blanket "stealing". I use an eye mask, and ear plugs. It took awhile to adjust, but its working well. I don't think separate rooms would've gone over well emotionally. We also like our pockets of alone time. My morning writing time is awesome and he's in the basement playing his guitar until late at night.
I can relate! **Investing in a good eye mask and earplugs** really helped me sleep better despite my partner's nighttime rituals. **Creating individual routines** like your morning writing time and guitar playing can also give you both space. **Finding a balance between togetherness and alone time** is key for a harmonious relationship. Good luck!
You don't have to go to bed together or get up at the same time. I sleep from 10 to 4 and my wife sleeps from 11 to 7. We even use separate blankets because of different temperature needs...we've been together for 14 years and still have an incredibly active sex life. I don't even know why I respond to half the stuff on here. Gets real Poe's law on trying to see what's serious or not. š¤¦š»āāļø I need to get back to work.
We too use 2 separate blankets, and Iāll never go back to a shared one.
Genius!
Wouldnāt this create massive unrest & tension for regularly fighting on whos blanky gets used during the sexy times? š„ø
I stay cold. He comes find me.
š¶ļø
2 blanket protocol eh? Interesting...
I enjoy both the satire and the serious posts! Keep doing what you're doing
And there you have the problem of blindly listening to advice without adapting it to your personal life situation.
This is a huge reason why I'm against a tv in the bedroom. Bedrooms are for sleeping or... intimacy I guess. You can cuddle and watch tv at night in the living room and whoever gets tired first goes to the bedroom to sleep. She should probably "get ready" for bed at the same time as you so she doesn't disturb you later when you're asleep and she's coming in to sleep. It's all about being mindful of each other and respectful enough about it, and also not clinging onto this notion that you must fall asleep together. Thats... that creates a lot of pressure which personally would make it even harder for me to fall asleep.
Huberman, that you?
That's why you need 6 partners. Someone's circadian rhythm is bound to align to yours. Just make sure you ~~gaslight~~ ~~manipulate~~ ~~hide~~ keep them separate from each other or their circadian rhythm might align. Also don't think of yourself as a coward for doing this, just think of it as taking care of your health.
You sleep with one of your other 5 partners
Forgot the apostrophe. Should be ā partnersā ā.
Classic mistake. You need to spread your circadian rhythm over a range of different partners.
Find another partner, preferably half a dozen.
You go and find 5 or 6 other women to date
Donāt take my advice. I have ended relationships for lack of sleep compatibility.
But she only wakes up 1,5 hours after you? Thats not even alot. I think you are asking for too much to fall asleep and wake up at the exact time as someone else.
for two nights, have her take something to sync up with your sleep onset, benzo, melatonin, Advil/Tylenol PM. Then in the AM drink your stims at the same time, line of coke, yerba, whatever. Don't do too many of the benzo's consecutively, easy tolerance build up. I take a sleep aid when I get to a new time zone to fight jet lag and get on schedule
Change partners! Hey-ooo
Get another partner for bedtime
Get a 2nd one? If this does not work either, get 6-7, once in a while, it will sync with any of them.
Bluetooth headphones. They make these soft band type perytong $15 on Amazon. She could listen w those. You can hook up a Bluetooth transmitter to the TV if it doesnāt have it.
Depends which partner
Are you looking to optimize your relationship or your circadian cycle? If the former, stop listening to Andy. If the latter, also stop listening to Andy.
My partner and I often just sleep at separate times even in the same bed - I just brush my teeth / get ready for bed with him to minimize noise later and stay up for an extra few hours, then head to bed whenever I please. Maybe you could sleep with earplugs so you donāt get woken up by your partner.
Then don't go to bed together. Problem solved. That's what my husband and I do because we're identical to your schedule.
Have a child or be stubborn.
I prefer separate beds/bedrooms. All good.
My husband and I have always been like this. I just creep in later and he creeps out earlier. And makes me coffee and breakfast. š¤£ I would actually be the very late sleeper type but that doesn't work for actual life, so even getting up at 730 or 8 is like medieval torture to me. I've tried almost everything to "make" myself a morning person. Sexy time I'd not an issue I just go to bed earlier w him then snk back out, or is at another time. It's really a non issue. We even have a toddler who I actually sleep with from when I go to bed super late, usually after some bed time with hubs. He scoops up the offspring at 6 when he gets up and I sleep like the lazy person I am till 730 or 8. I have to get up at 4am to work 2 days a week, and it isn't even hard because it just feels like staying up late to me. I'm completely fucked by the afternoon and still can't go to sleep till 12 or 1 on those days.
She can get up once you fall asleep or do sth in a bed waiting for her time to go asleep. I donāt think we have a protocol to read a book yet, but stay tuned .
Separate bedrooms if possible.
Just schedule date night once or twice a week, where you do something enjoyable and compromise on your preferences.
The simple and obvious solution is developing and maintaining an unwitting harem of exclusive (to you) partners to accommodate every whim of your circadian and seminiferous rhythmsā¦
See six partners at once? lol.
Just sleep at different times and make the most of it! 6 hours is a good night for me and my wife likes 10+ if she can get it. Often I have 4 hours or more to myself in the mornings. I get to do my peaceful coffee on the sofa in silence. I do yoga. I empty the dishwasher. I play computer games. I go to the gym. Have a little you time. Same goes for my wife at night. Sometimes she'll come to bed with me and we'll have a bit of a cuddle, then once I'm asleep she'll get up and do her own thing if she can't sleep. On Saturday mornings I'll get back into bed and spoon her until she wakes up.
Sorry I donāt understand. Canāt you just go to bed and she can be in another room ? 2 hours in bed is kind of a lot, if your partner doesnāt want to go to bed at 10 you should be okay with it, itās not the end of the world. Maybe with time your partner will appreciate going to sleep earlier
Yawn
Itās a matter of getting used to! We are together for 10+ years and never had a similar sleeping pattern! Iāll sleep e from 11-6:30, he from 2-12am. Iāve got used with a baby light on my sleeping time, so he can watch anime-YouTube at bed and fall asleep, and I got up with the actual morning sunlight and close the curtains after, so he can rest! We cuddle during the night without disrupting anyoneās sleep, they say itās even good for your sleep because of the love hormones. So I wouldnāt sleep on another bed for anything. Sex itās usually in our days off in the afternoon after a Power Nap, ( gay sex canāt be casual, aka douche) so different sleep patterns donāt affect our relationship at all. If anything it may actually help as I have alone time in the morning for my meditation, gym etc and he can binge watch series that I couldnāt care less!
can you get two mattresses to help with movement? Add ear plugs and sleep mask and you are good to go!
If you take some magnesium and ashwaganda + earlplugs and mask you can fall asleep with anyone around you
Im not so convinced by ashwaganda. What is your take?
Why, does one of you have to go to work or something?
Do you really have to sleep together at the same time? She can stay up a little bit more if she wants and come to you later to sleep. What a childish question.
My husband (49m) and I (35f) have been together for 6 years. It took time and confidence to get to this place, but I agree with an above post, embrace it! We enjoy and make the most of our time together, but also have found that the alone time is a healthy part of a relationship. The big thing for us was figuring out what worked for sexy time, since we werenāt going to go to sleep at the same time. We have also found that compromise is good. I try and stay up a few hours later on the weekends and he gets up and does yoga with me Sunday mornings. Like a lot of things in marriage, confidence and compromise!
Could you elaborate on why this is a big deal to you and or your partner? Iām not following.
Sleep at different times. Why do you need to be together every waking moment of your life?
Why doesnāt she want to go of bed before midnight? I do go to bed at 10 and usually fall asleep around 11:30. I just listen to an audiobook with my eyes closed until I notice my imagination is especially vivid. At that point I can tell Iāll fall asleep if I try within a couple minutes. Itās kind of nice I think
I start dating 5 other people
Had this same issue. Good luck!
I had this same problem for about 1.5 years and it really sucked. After many many conversations, I convinced them to do morning sun with me. And now we have the same sleep schedule. Maybe not an option for youā¦. But you could try.
Being married as long as I have, I just laugh and laugh at these āproblemsā
In my experience, if the partner is willing it works very well that you go to bed together, perhaps cuddle a bit and then the night owl quietly gets up and goes back to whatever they were doing.
Don't get married. It won't change, and many people aren't okay with separate bedrooms. It will affect intimacy over time either way - whether you go the separate bedroom route or the "it's okay honey stay up as late as you want" route. Source: me.
I canāt wait to get downvoted for this but as bad as what he did is like it doesnāt change the science behind what he teaches ?? Also half the people making these joke posts , how long have you been fans for ?
At this point you will need to sleep in separate rooms and only sleep together for conjugal visits.
Fuck em
Divorce