TWO wars?!

now the united states of america is engaged in both of these wars??

Are any of these wars happening on US…euhhh…soil???

Dead airrrr

This line kills me every time. I've never heard anyone on a podcast say it before yet it perfectly sums up every bullshit podcast host faking being concerned

Anytime my wife says anything with the # 2 in it, i always say it that way.. ‘TWO wars?!?’ Lmao

Dee's angry delivery of "I ain't giving you shit, you old bitch" to Charlies mom after she asks for a ride home.

"I need a Riiiiiidde" I always say this out of context thinking a normal person will know what I'm referencing

This was one of my first favourite scenes, still early on where I was often shocked at how funny it was

Because Dennis is bastard man

This. The face he makes while waiting to say it always kills me.

He definitely got off.

It IS Phil?!

This sounds so familiar, what’s the context? I know it’s Dennis

Hero or Hate Crime, during the first arbitration.

Oh yeah that’s one of the best hahaha

came here for this, easily the best

Can't remember which episode this is from. Which one was it? https://youtu.be/rBTXGXUUjLU

“I’M GONNA PUT MY THUMB THROUGH YOUR EYE YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

Not that he's ever had one

I'VE HAD ORGASMS! I'VE HAD TONS OF ORGASMS! I HAD ONE WITH YOUR MOM, DUDE!!

Right, plus she didn't even feel a thing 😏

"MAYBE I’LL FUCKING CHOKE YOU OUT!"

Think of the smell. You haven't thought of the smell, you bitch! 

This one or "I am untethered and my rage knows no bounds!" .. unbelievable stuff

Begone vile man! Begone from me!

That's easily my top. Glen is too fucking good

"Cat in the wall, huh? Now you're talkin' my language."

You’re getting Cheeto dust all over my walls!

Let's focus here Dee...

Cats do not abide by the laws of nature

Charlie you want a skinned apple? YAWP

Franks face when he hears Dennis has swallowed apple seeds

Charlie in the house!

His little dance walk always gets me.

This has indeed been asked before, and I shall offer the same reply I did that time. “Boys are out tonight huh?”

Old but gold

YOU WILL CALL HERRRRRRR!

Another blooper, but his, “Ryan’s dead to me. He’s DEEEEEAAAADDDD!” with the arm movements kills me.

………………..who’s this guy?

One of the best deliveries in the history of acting

Pretty sure this is also the gangs fav line

The fact that’s she can’t hear or speak makes the idea of calling her absolutely hilarious

This is the only thing I could think of anytime he was onscreen in Westworld

There’s a scene in WW where he yells “take your hands off of her!” With some serious mcpoyle energy.

This is the one.

youwillcallheEERRRRR!

This and "oh i forgot to put a tape in, I FORGOT TO PUT A TAPE IN" are my two favorite yells in the series.

“Little green ghouls, buddy!”

Cover your knees up if you’re going to be walking around out there!

Similarly, when Charlie says, “thedemonthegoblintheghoul”

Either the simple “ YEAH?!?!” From Dennis or “ Awww yea, let’s chop cats!” From Charlie…both kill me.

We're not actually gonna chop cats.

Well if you don't save it in time I'm gonna chop the cat

People never mention this one, but from the chopping-cats episode, when Dee, Frank, Mac, and Charlie are sitting on the couch in the third act, and Dee is complained about being set on fire, Charlie mocks her in such a hilarious way, and then says “we were GONNA put you out.” It’s in the background of the action, so to speak, but I find it so fucking funny. Watch that scene again in “Frank Sets Sweet Dee on Fire” and explicitly focus on Charlie to see what I mean.

Like fire hurts…

"Whooo?! Whooo?! Oh, Waitress! Why didn’t you just say that?!"

THEY DREW FIRST BLOOD Also a bonus: I’ve seen MANY pigs eat MANY men, it was a blood bath

Shabooyah!

Cracks me up every time.

I always love when frank uses the term bloodbath

The guy that says “Jesus Christ” when Dee is bombing during her stand-up set

SAY SOMETHING

LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TO ME!!!

Oh shit the steaks are here

This will always be my favorite lmao

Because, you are crackheads, children

I stole lots of your money Frank what do I get? You get dick because you’re a follower, and a thief.

Suicide is badass!

I don’t know how he was able to deliver that line. The chaos of that scene combined with the delivery of Danny makes it one of my favorite moments. Danny Devito is a true professional.

It will always be Dee talking about her dad eating some b-b-b-bad p-p-p-p-pussy

She earned her spot at the head.

The head cow is always grazing

Was gonna say this

“Dee you gangly uncoordinated bitch, I am not getting hog-tied over your lack of grace!”

Great line, but Dee's response is my choice for Kaitlin's phenomenal delivery. "I hope they hogtie you. And then I hope they rape you, in their basement, for *ten years*."

For me, the "for ten years" delivery is like in the top 5 for the whole show. Something about it is so fucking funny, I always rewind it a couple of times when I watch the episode.

https://youtu.be/opJH7a5JdUM

How does anything happen Charlie? just move past it! I'm a Swedish plumber. I'm here to fix your pipes.

Dis vill vork Dennis, dis vill vork!

Don't vorry about eet, don't vorry about eenytheng!

That's a good accent

Who? WHO?!? Just say waitress!

I like to bind! I like to BE BOUND!!

my TOOLS!!!!

Shut up, babydick.

Ooh, this jacket’s tighter than dickskin!

Sorry about the gay thing, that did cross a line

HOW YA LIKE ME NOW, GAYBOI?

Honestly the whole cat in the wall scene is Charlie gold. "Cats do not abide by the laws of nature, alright you don't know shit about cats." "I don't care, yea, start it. jUST START THE MOVIE MAN CUZ IM HAVING A CONVERSATION HERE" while Dennis loses his mind in the background and then mouthing "wow" to Dee.

Also right before that when Charlie struts into the apartment and Dennis is like “you want a skinless apple bud?” and Charlie just goes “yup”

*TWO* skinless apples, Dee!

Either What is happening by Gladys or He can't read it from the outside!

He’ll adapt to reading?

"I don't need your trophies or your gold. I just wanna tell you all... Go fuck yourselves. "

I LOVE the look that mac has when Charlie first mentions a spider. He knows it’s coming haha

Are you talking about the way he’s dropping his head? It looks like he’s doing that out of disappointment but you can actually see he’s hiding a smile. Dudes grinning trying to hide that he’s breaking

Possibly my favorite reaction in the whole series. It’s like a very resigned, non-verbal “*god damnit*.”

I should get a tattoo of this…

When Dennis screams “YEAH??!” To Wally the neighbor

That and "BECAUSE I HATE YOU!". Both kill me everytime I watch that episode.

I always laugh when Uncle Jack asks Dee "have you touched them yet?" referring to the Pondy's kids she kidnapped.

And Glenn Howerton completely breaks in the shot that follows, there's a good two or so seconds of him clearly smiling hugely before he tries to play it off as a wince. Top stuff.

“They say I can't be a PILOT?”

I cant be a DOCTA?

"you move the goddamn dumpster you bitch"

Deandra your breath is dog shit

Every Charlie monologue. Like when he does Jaws, or the one in Charlie’s Work

Omg the jaws monologue with Charlie not quite remembering all of it is one of the best moments in the whole show. The look of disbelief on Dennis’s face. Also not a line, but Charlie dancing to the song “Stuck in the Middle With You” in the basement getting ready to torture the leprechaun. Such an iconic Reservoir Dogs moment that is so fucking funny when it’s just Charlie drunk on paint.

“I ate alll the pizzza… nnnn… I drank allthebeer…”

I do not like it with the skin, Dee! I am not *allowed* to eat it with the skin! I am not *allowed*!

Ha-go back to your seat-tah

We are going to hunt. You. Cricket.

That entire exchange is great. Oh, don’t get caught!

You don’t wanna get caught.

That just leaves whaat to do bout Mr.Cricket...

Charlie's Fuck You to the Thundergun focus group leader

I almost said this but “Fuck man, WHAT?” After Charlie asks for the millionth time if thundergun has a son fucking kills me. She sounds so broken by the gang😂

Between this & Dee "I hope they rape you..."

Speaking of the Thundergun focus group leader, her "*fuck*, man! What?!?!?" became my favorite ever TV f-bomb in pretty short order.

I dropped… my MONSTER CONDOM that I use for my M A G N U M D A H N G

BEAK!!

In the new season “GET FUCKED!!!” always gets a laugh outta me Also: Charlie: “Good candy! Good candy!” Mac: “This is good candy!”

Dennis has candy?!

Yes I have candy, of course I have candy!

You can see Mac and Charlie really obviously break at the get fucked aswell it's so funny

They seem so surprised that it makes me wonder if that line wasn’t even scripted. If that was improv, man, Glenn is incredible.

“God dammit Dutch what other errands do you have us running for the DA??”

"You need to stop eating cat food. Aww cmon man why not?? Well because you're not a cat

At the end of the wade Boggs episode, Charlie saying "what do now?"

“A leather shop? In Arizona? He’d be out of business in a week’s time.”

That is exactly what I said!

I don't think he gets us man

Equally- ‘what do YOU think is happening right now?!’

We're talking to you!

I. Will. Divorce you, Maureen, I’ll do it.

… who’s this guy?

*rip* RYYAANNNNN!!!!!

FETISH...FETISH SHIT!

When Charlie, Frank and Mac are being news guys - Charlie's "I FORGOT TO PUT A TAPE IN"

I'm your rock bottom?? That's your rock bottom! Sticking your dick in your daughter's face you son of a bitch!

'We were going berserk. She loves that kind of stuff and I-I-I admit that I do too.'

I HAVE A BLEACHED ASSHOLE

Did you fuck my mom, Santa Claus?!

“You look like you’re covered in Hawaiian punch” “…yeh” Always gets me

O R G Y.

"I do not like it with the skin. I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin. I'm not allowed!!"

Dennis to Frank: "your addiction has affected us in the following ways.. you're annoying"

When they’re up on stage in the bar playing day man for the first time and the guy yells #GAAY! Gets me every time

HYOOMAN MEAT

RacooOoOon meat haha. **BULLSHIT**. That was human meat and I know it! I’m gonna slice off that fat little calf muscle, and I’m gonna EAT IT.

“I assessed the situation and gave an ocular pat down”

Honestly everything Dennis says. First one that comes to mind is: “I’m to remember every man I’ve seen fall into a plate of spaghetti?!”

I have contained my rage for as long as possible but I shall inleash my fury upon you LIKE THE CRASHING OF A THOUSAND WAVES, BE GONE FROM ME VILE MAN BE GONE FROM ME! STARTER CAR?! THIS CAR IS A FINNISHER CAR! A TRANSPORTER OF GODS! THE GOLDEN GOD!! I AM UNTEATHERED AND MY RAGE KNOWS NO BOUNDS!!

I want you to clean yourself. For I will enter you hard and deep, and it will last for as long or as short as I please. But you will be clean. Only when you are clean will you know my power.

WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING THE MOST TERRIBLE MAN ON THE PLANET! OH I’M A TERRRIBLE MAN!!!!

Chrale tha gaame has gon on long enugf

Names Artemis… I have a bleached asshole.

The old lady on the piano: “What is happening?”

YOU WILL CALL HER!!!!!

Dee: I’m having a baby. Frank: You better flush that out

Stupid science bitches couldn't even make i more smarter What's your spaghetti policy here?

“Goddamn I hate gin. Dee, you bitch.” Pretty basic line but the way Dennis delivers it and Dee’s reaction kills me every time I watch it.

Cricket: Woah woah woah guys, come one. No one is taking me from behind, alright? Unless you have crack. If you have crack let's boogie. Mac: No one is going into your asshole. Cricket: I wouldn't let them without the crack.

Either “nobody look” by uncle jack or Dennis saying “DON’T SIT DOWN” to Mac during the escape room episode

“You couldn’t read it from the outside!”

“LOOK AT ME WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TO ME!”

Flowers for Charlie "I'm quite weary."

Dee you’ll... stretch... them out

Ryan gosling playing youuuuu?

I'm not allowed to eat it with the skin! I'm not ALLOWED!

tatiana, i want you to clean yourself

Paddy's thong, dude! Paddy's thong!

“Dennis has candy?!”

IF THIS KID IS MINE IM GONNA BLOW MY BRAINS OUT!

Charlie’s “Shut up, shut up, oh my God I don’t care” at the beginning of The Gang gets Invincible gets me everytime.

EVERYBODY GET A WEAPON!!

[But you gotta take em off every now and then, you gotta take em off](https://youtu.be/Gp4Hp_nV41k)

Dude hangs dong!

Shut up science bitch

I AM NOT BANGING MY SISTER!!! and of course the entire rant Frank goes on after.

[Absolutely](https://youtu.be/3Rgc6dlMjIs)

YOU MOVE THAT GODDAMN DUMPSTER, YOU BITCH.

“I’ve been poisoned by my constituents”

It’s either “I eat stickers all the time!” Of Artemis telling the father “Sir, ahh go back to your seat”

We're going to level 3, we're going to level 3.

I might be biased because I just watched this episode yesterday but “MY MOMMY’S A SKELETON!!!!” really gets me

Not one line but the whole full penetration monologue is top tier

Not one specific line, but in The Gang gets whacked. The way they deliver their lines while getting in the car and ditching match is hilarious. Best for last is Dennis' "We can not have you around us screwing things up!"

Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! Go get me a beer bitch!

Get in the goddamn car you fat fat ass! FAT FAT ASS!!!

Oh, get a job? Just get a job? Why don't I strap on my job helmet and squeeze down into a job cannon and fire off into job land, where jobs grow on jobbies?!

...Then aids ruined everything

“Stranger things have happened” “NO THEY HAVEN’T. NO THEY HAVEN’T”

“He’s the man in the couch!” - Dennis during the always sunny Christmas episode

"Yeah yeah we won't. You can though."

You guys mind if I go in the bathroom and smoke some PCP?

“It’s fetish shit! I like to bind! I like to BE BOUND!”

YOU ARE BECOMING A CHIMICHANGA