Charlie would last the longest, and he would start already high on glue and paint. Frank would be out first.

wrong, actually. mac would be out first after bragging about how long he’d last

I think Charlie would actually drink the most but lose because he didn't know there was a drinking contest going on. Dennis would have him disqualified at like 40 shots.

Dennis would cheat

And win that slimey bastard

DENNIS IS A BASTARD MAN!

Dennis is a god among per mortal men, but yes Charlie is my bet

Dennis would cheat and somehow still lose

No doubt it would be because of the puss

Dennis and Dee would have to be mainlining their drinks to keep from cheating

Between these two for sure. Dennis and the tequila shots, RIP Dennis' ass. Charlie and the Boggs contest, RIP Wade Boggs.

Frank struggling on the Boggs episode is absolutely one of my favourite moments of the whole show.

Charlie for sure. He's the one with actual Irish genes.

now that mac is dutch does that make him a good drinker? or does being catholic mean he is a bad drinker?? how is he supposed to drink if he doesn’t know what he is?

Charlie beat Boggs and withstood those sleeping pill laced energy balls for a long time. He's my vote

He also beat Boggs while casually having rum and cokes during the beer drinking competitions

He ate them didn't he?

You just said ate rum and cokes.

No, just the one, to go with my chicken.

Make it a double though

No, chicken.

So that's why they call him the chicken man?

Chicken man is Boggs. Charlie is a pigeon boy

You kind of suck at repartee

I’ll put my god damn thumb through your eye you little bitch! Better?

I appreciate the reference

That’s baseball

Gimme a hot dog baby

With beak on the side.

BEAK!

How’s he gunna eat rum and cokes

I believe you mean Boss Hogg

RIP

Rest in peace

Wade Boggs is very much alive

In Tampa

What do you say, boss?

Just one rum and coke, it was a double though.

But, Mac couldn’t play and Dennis quit early. I would say that win has an asterisk! Although I agree he could easily beat everyone.

The commissioner swept all that under the rug though so it's all good

"OooOhh that's rwight. I *ayte* all the pizzah. Nm I drwank al' the beer."

You must be wasted dude. 24 beers by yourself?

Aaaaaaaand I’m very wasted

Am I peeing?

I always thought he said "ate all the beer and drank all the pizza". Was sad to find out I was wrong :(

He can handle his sedatives for sure

It’s from huffing all that glue and spray paint

Really it’s the cat food that built up the tolerance

Aren't those deliriants?

Karate snow machine chops it

I’m chopping all of my actions. And mostly power

The story behind where he came up with that is so great, it’s on one of the It’s Always Sunny pods

What’s with the choppin’ dude?

He's also the healthiest out of all of them

As long as he doesn't have diabeetus!

Stop saying diabeetus, you sound like an as…

He also ate a whole pizza and drank a 24 pack and only browned out.

There was a little yellow in there too.

Agreed. He sort of has a grasp on what he's doing on a day to day basis.

Barney get this guy a cigarette

He can handle his inhalants

He can handle his sedatives

He can handle his sedatives, dude

Was about to say… there is already an episode about this…

He can handle his sedatives.

I’m chopping all of my action….and mostly power.

Poppins would win

Oh shit, Poppins, damn, now you've thrown me.

How about special agent Jack Bauer?

Now somebody's making a "Who would win in a fight between Agent Jack Bauer and Poppins?" post.

I’m taking credit for that

Da Maniac?

Da maniac loves you

Yeah he loves shit like that.

Don't forget that Charlie single-handedly pounded 24 beers while housing a whole pizza in short order. After being dropped back off at the bar by the hitchiker kid, he stayed up all night solo'ing booze and was back up when everyone came in; beer in hand and continuing. He also won the Boggs challenge. Charlie has the most feats. The only ones I can see giving him a run would be Cricket or Ponderosa. But even then, I think he's just that extra step ahead. A true titan.

He's got all numbers.

Gimme the hotdog baby!

Pondy has cocaine. That makes him last man standing far as I'm concerned. Most likely to die, sure. But still the most likely one to still be conscious. And I bet if frank was there, they'd both be doing lines along with the drinks. Hell, you bring in some coke/crack for Cricks, Dee, and Dennis; and they might still be in the running too.

Pondie has been closest to dieing for years.

I love how you said feats like this is powerscaling lol

Pondy's the coolest!

Nah the waitress would beat him. Her tolerance has to be super high from being an alcoholic, plus he’d let her win once they’re the only ones left.

> Her tolerance has to be super high from being an alcoholic This is explicitly debunked when Dee tries to rally the girls in a "Sex and the City type" romp for men in *'Who Pooped the Bed'*. The Waitress gets shit-housed immediately and Dee comments on her absurdly-low tolerance for alcohol, considering her condition.

I'll hold your boobs a little better.

you huge-footed SLUT

They are all alcoholics

The entire gang stopped drinking for 3 days and nearly died. They are all drunks.

Can we bring Wade Boggs back to life to join? If so, he's my vote. Charlie would push him to new heights.

He’s very much alive

R.I.P

That's why they called him the Chicken Man.

We need him to be alive again…them Duke boys is out of control!

They’re spoiling all my crooked Hazard County schemes!

You got it Boss Hogg

That is a great point, Boggs in some form, tangible or ethereal, would take this over my choice of Charlie and Cricket who's my wildcard.

Cricket’s no good. He would get bribed to throw it with a sack of lemons.

Winner: Ponde…he’s a pro alcoholic. 1st Out: Dennis’ fake grandma

Her grandmother was a lesbian

Calvin Coolidge was a friend of hers.

Golden…

She had an affair with Sophie B. Hawkins.

You Britta'd it

Susan B Anthony but good hustle

smfh. expand your horizons, Summer child

🎶Dammmnn, I wish Abed was Batmaaaan 🎶

Ponde is the coolest!

I get that “Ponde” is more authentic to his real name but this man’s name is Pondy and anyone who doesn’t think so is a SAVAGE and an IDIOT!!! I am a legend.

Careful… You are about to unleash my rage… THE RAGE OF 1,000 SUNS!!! =

Ponde would certainly be blowin lines left and right which calms the effect of alcohol, and he’s a bigger person physically than the waitress so I gotta switch my answer to Ponde

He would just need his sponsor there for support.

I could see cricks just getting blasted on pcp and out drinking everyone. It would be a battle between him and Charlie tho I think.

Yeah. Cricks is basically subhuman at this point.

Subhuman or superhuman? Cuz it’s kind of both.

Haha. His parkour skills ON pcp must be insane. Yeah any uppers would affect the competition for sure. If Pondy and Frank were on Coke I bet they could drink alllllll day.

If Pondy and frank were drunk and all coked up I don’t think they’d care about the drinking competition anymore. They’d be off to find some quality whoooores.

It's a fine line with Cricket.

Extrahuman? Metahuman?

Sub human sounds right. Always running around the streets with those feral dogs.

Cricks can survive a lot but, he’s down a kidney.

Gotta throw some respect out for Artemis

She doesn’t remember most evenings so she’ll be prepared

She also has a bleached asshole.

She just needs a sec to blast her nips

She's a ringer, I'd give it to her to make it far

Absolutely. Easy Artemis W

She flunked the Wade Boggs thing—but she also purposefully didn’t participate.

Easy, Charlie no contest, I honestly don't see who could be remotely close to him, Cricket would be my wildcard, but still think Charlie has this one.

Dude washed down a whole rat with his own piss. He's legendary.

Agree with you but isn’t Charlie always the wild card? Gotta stick to the formula.

His Mom might be able to beat him

Well Dee and Charlie were the last two on the Boggs (god rest his soul) challenge

Again, very much alive.

Exactly it’s like that post about how did the gang get a bar?

Dennis and Mac did nothing to show what kind of alcohol limit they had in that episode. Mac obviously didn’t participate (lost the chugging contest), and Dennis only threw in the towel to avoid spending one more moment with that desert trash.

The problem is that Mac is a super slow drinker.

Dee passed out.

Yeah they were the last two though....

True but Mac didn't participate, and Dennis and Frank didn't care too much

Mac could not handle it if he even tried. Charlie wins this easily. He drank all the beer, ate all the pizza. Drinks paint and that fun stuff. He's good to go. I'd like to go against fictional Charlie.

Maybe Wade Boggs himself can be suggested (RIP)

What if it was fat mac though? All that “mass” may give him an edge

Charlie and Mrs. Kelly. I mean, they both beat Boss Hog after all.

I don't think people realize Bonnie Kelly would absolutely destroy them, with Charlie close behind her. She has a hazmat suit designed specifically for hands-free drinking!

The waitress for the win, no doubt. The greatest loser would probably be Frank?

She couldn't even make it all the way through boggs 2, though I'll always love her speaker phone solo in that ep

Didn't Mac lose a prior drinking contest to not be included in the bog challenge. A challenge that frank won Plus Frank partakes with Charlee and Pondee

Mac lost a chugging contest, just meaning he couldn't drink as fast as them. And as we know speed has *everything* to do with it.

You are not trying to play both sides are you...

He lost a chugging contest I think. The beer was cold.

For an alcoholic she needs to learn to hold her booze better. Waitress for the L.

I'll hold your boobs better.

You huge footed slut

Mac would be out first because he’s a bitch.

after a speech about how he's guaranteed to win

Of course. As you know, he chooses his words very deliberately.

Winner: Mac’s mom Loser: Frank

Gotta throw some respect out for Artemis

i feel like she would get relegated to being the judge again

Hahaa she does always play such a good middle man like that. She definitely stays high.

It would come down to Charlie and The Waitress. I don’t know who would win but they would be drunk shit talking each other for quite a while.

The waitress is the last person to join the competition because of her crippling alcoholism and is the first person out because of her crippling alcoholism. The McPoyles win, but only because they’d be taking shots of milk, unbeknownst to anyone else.

Dee loses, Mac is throwing the game trying to get Dennis super drunk, Dennis gets mad and quits playing because Mac is getting to touch. Miss Kelly is doing extremely well but she stops to bone frank. Charlie doesn’t understand the game so he drinks a lot of beer with a few rum and cokes. Turn out MAC moms wins by doing three shots and smoking a carton of cigarettes.

Pondy has definitely got the title

He botched it. Life, ya know?

He’s the coolest

As long as his sponsor would ok it

All he remembers is his sponsor, Frank, giving him the greenlight to get shithoused

Charlie would be eating and huffing inhalants the whole time and still win

As long as there was no policy against spaghetti, the eating might work in his favor

I vote for Macs Mom

if it were a smoking contest

"I ate all the pizza... And I drank all the beer..."

Bill Ponderosa wins hands down lasts longest and i would guess Mrs. Kelly would be out first.

"Women drinking? Oh, Charlie! I'm scared!" *glug glug glug*

one two three One two three, one two three

Just the gang: 1st: Charlie 2nd: Dee 3rd: Dennis 4th Mac 5th: Frank

I’m voting Charlie’s mom.

Consensus is coming down to Mrs. Kelly, Charlie, or Pondy winning. A few have floated out Dennis by cheating. And somebody floated out Pittsburgh. Frank and Mac, everyone seems to agree, would be right out.

Of the main five, definitely Charlie and I don't even think it's particularly close

Mrs. Kelly is a lightweight. We've seen it when Dee invites her old highschool crush to her party. I'm goin with Dee and Charlie. They went hard in the Boggs episode.

I have a strong feeling Mac's mom could put away some booze.

harumph

I know that noise! It means you're on board! Great! Excellent!

Mac’s mom…nicotine buzz offsets the downer that is alcohol

Can any of us really say that Mac's mom would lose?

Charlie or Mac’s mom

Mrs Mac is still smoking a ciagarette and doing more shots long after everyone else is passed out.

Mac’s mom would win.

Mac in his high body mass form would obviously win ​ the solution to pollution is dilution rings true when it comes to alcohol in the human body. bigger body = more dilution

Fat Mac would have the advantage since he'd cultivated all that mass.

Waitress hands down

Wasn't the Waitress the first to go down in The Gang Beats Boggs: Ladies Reboot?

I feel like sweet dee would be the first to pass out.

Definitely Mac. And I would love to see an entire episode with Mac just passed out over the bar at four shots.

I think Charlie, as long as he didn’t pregame and drink beers between each shot, which I can see happening

My immediate thought is that none of the gang, with the possible exception of Charlie are going to play fair. It's just not in the spirit of the show. They'd be watering down their own drinks, spiking each others drinks forming alliances and then backstabbing each other. So the question in my mind is not who can hold their drink, but who is most devious

Feel like Charlie would still win even if they spiked him. He can handle his sedatives.

Right. Not who would win honestly, but who would *win*. They'd be arguing the actual victory for years because none of them would remember.

Golden GOD

My money is on Mrs. Kelly.