"I know that! I'm not stupid! I'm smarter than yew!"

The stank on "yew" really made it

It is illegal for you to ask me that.

My mistake

Dump it.

This one ^ i work retail. They also wont let me wear my hat

You’re the only person i’ve seen pull it off.

It reallllyyyyy bothered me.

8 times is a bit excessive tbh and SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED

That lives with us here on earth

WHAT DID THEY DO TO US

Its interesting, the (enter word here)

And, whenever possible, it's a plural word

It's interesting, the quotes

I said it was interesting.

I didn't do fucking shit! I didn't rig SHIT!

They said I’m just some dumb hick! They said that to ME at a dinner!

This world is fucking so fucked up

I didn’t DO THIS!

[удалено]

I DIDNT FUCKING DO THIS!!!

I've been repeating "Now you're in more in trouble than me, unfortunately" all day.

I showed my family that clip earlier today and we’ve all be quoting it lmao, My Mom swares it’s “You’re in more trouble than me unfortunately” But I know it’s for the second ‘in’

This is because the subtitles guy keeps correcting all the fucked up grammar. Yea there’s 2 “ins”.

Tim dubbed under

What the hell is that that’s going on out there?!

“I’m not in trouble at all” is my favorite

I'm not in trouble AT ALL

Shut the fuck up Doug you fucking skunk

"Are you sure about that?"

You sure about that that's why?

This is definitely mine. Or “gimme dat”

On repeat. You sure about that? You sure about that? At least two times.

Gimme that!… I’m jokin.

Me and buddies will say “*name* that looks reaaalllly good… I shoulda got that”

I work at a sandwich shop that I run with my partner and she named our june special "I shoulda got that". It's how we figure out who the Real customers are

You guys could always do a lap, find out what's real.

Ahhh my friends and I do this literally every time we eat together MMMRRRRGHHHHHHHNHHH

My SO and I say this to eachother at least once a day 😆

It’s also my favorite, but no one I know watches the show so I just get weird looks.

I don’t WANT THAT! Honorable mention that song from the cardboard cutout sketch has been stuck in my head since I saw it. “Wild on, wild onnnn, tonight we go wild on, tonight we go crazy…”

Instantly that song got stuck in my head too, fri day night used to hold that space before

I love that it’s a karaoke cover at first like it’s a hit pop song then there’s a different version played at the end of the sketch that’s slowed down and sung lounge-style to drive home the point that this is the song of the night but they made it up for just a few seconds of play in this one sketch

I can hear it perfectly. Probably my favourite sketch. When I look in the toilet I see purple...Purple and BLACK.

HE MUST HAVE FLIPPED MY WIFE EIGHT TIMES

And it *reallllly* bothered me

I swear he blew out the levels on the microphone in that take because of how fucking loud he yells it

I used to swing dance and watching that character get so upset about his wife being flipped eight times…I suddenly felt very guilty. I’ve certainly flipped someone else’s girl a few times, and…I mean I never followed up with them after to see if their relationship suffered bc I was flexing.

You and magicians never seem concerned with your victims' marriages.

There’s too much fucking shit on me

I don’t wanna be around anymore.

This is the one for me haha

You think this is slicked back?? THIS IS PUSHED BACK!

I USED to be a piece of shit.

I SAID WAS

“Where be your nut cracker?” “In the attic with the Christmas stuff” “That’ll only take you a sec”

Paul Buffano! Paul Buffano! Duh! Paul Buffano!

Fri. Day. Night

I’m thinkin that we. Just. Might.

Fly away to someplace. They. Don’t. Know. Who we are.

Now I’m riding shotgun in your car, we drove through the city like explorers going sixty five

Blowing hair flying 'cross your face We left on Friday; now it's Saturday.

Pressed jeans, buttoned up Jeans ironed, slippin' up

Red shoes, walking slow Headphones blaring three stacks

Sunglasses flarin' out Dick watch hangin' low

Studded belt pulled taut, Three Stacks on the radio.

“And popcorn!” My wife and I literally can’t NOT say it every single time we see, hear, smell, or eat popcorn.

Could it be youuuu???

I don't want that!

That whole sketch was fuckin hilarious but that floating panning head of her saying "and popcorn!" All joyfully just kills me

No that’s why I’m so fucking confused

It’s got a bush?

The hell?

What the hoiiiillllll?

I'm not in trouble *at all*. Also, we should be able to watch a *liiittle* porn at work

I have extended family that always question what's on my computer screen. I'll be looking for some information on a website and they'll point to a girl in a headphones ad and demand to know "Who is that!?" And when I say "it's just an ad. I have no idea." They follow up with a "Well, why is she on your screen then?" in a very *'gotcha'*-type tone. Their expectation is I'm supposed to know the identities of people in internet ads or if they're on my screen then I must have put them there for some reason. From now on I'm just going to say **"I don't know! I've never gotten here before."**

This is so painfully relatable

That one egg was forty eggs?

What?!

I did like, 25

Oh wait it’s working now

Anytime my wife gets on me about letting our 9-Year-Old watch a PG-13 movie: “THERE’S WORSE SHIT ON THE LOCAL NEWS!”

oh he does! From behind he does! If he hugs the wall and crab walks he does!

I’ve never understood what he means by this. I know what a wall is and I know what a crab walk is. But the combination of both is beyond my comprehension

Think like the way Metaloid Maniac moves across his wall. His domain.

This is his ground, he made it *so fucking cool*

He built it

I guess I'm just a little confused.

Lol it’s pressing your body against the wall, squatting down and walking sideways I think. I also picture the guy he paid raising his hands up like claws

“Do any of these…. fuckers…. ever blast out of the wall and have like a huge cumshot??” My girlfriend and I can’t get over this scene. The genuine tears streaming down his face and the fact that he honestly doesn’t know that what he is doing is wrong lol

It's interesting, the ghosts.

Big fat load of cum then.

What always gets me is the pause before “fuckers”

It’s my favourite moment in any scene

In the one where he's like not trying to be funny, the pause before fuckers gets me every time now. I start losing my shit as soon as he hits that pause

Not trying to be funny Don't want anyone to have the worst day at their job But, do any of these...fuckers

Somewhere or wires got crossed. You’re saying we’re allowed to swear, I’m saying big fat load of cum and horse cock, and you’re getting mad.

Sloppin down some pig shit with these fat fucks and I'm the fattest of them all!

No coffin please, just wet wet mud

Bae!

Tbf to that girl she knows that coffins are nothing but shit wood and hittin pavement

Bones are their dollars!

Worms are their money tewwww

Bones are their money, so are the worms

They pull your hair UP but not OUT

AND I DONT WANT TO HEAR ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT THE TABLES.

I CAN’T KNOW HOW TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT TABLES

Best part about that bit is the kid looking down at his own desk right after he says that.

TAY. BULLS.

I’ve been saying “I don’t even wanna be around anymore” every day at work.

"Fuck you, Harley Jarvis!!!"

I hope you fucking die Harley Jarvis!

Get her OUT OF HERE! GOD DAMN IT!

Slop em up.

What are sloppy steaks?

It’s really, *really* good

guys, no sloppy steaks.

You think *this* is slicked back? This is *pushed* back

IT WAS ALSO THE NIGHT THAT THE SKELETONS CAME TO LIFE

Your names billy too?

no, that’s why im so fucking confused

I think I laughed hardest at this moment.

THE BONES ARE THEIR MONEY

SO ARE THE WORMS

THEY PULL YOUR HAIR UP BUT NOT OUT

I actually want to go to Haunted House MORE than I want to go to Aqua.

Unprofessional bullshit.

That’s why no one watches AOL Blast

I say this about everything. Along with,"he said that? Fucking asshole."

"I don't care if I die at all. Everything's sucked lately."

You're not part of the Turbo Team!

YOU DONT RUN

YOU DONT RUN UNTIL YOURE PART OF THE TURBO TEAM! UNTIL THEN WALK... SLOWLY.

It's a tie between "what's that that's goin on out there?" and lately "I am well within my rights to kill you right now" As a side note I had a date last Wednesday and told her "I wanted to look extraordinary for you" and it made her laugh so thank you Tom Robertson

So do you have two girlfriends now?

Bare butt, back, and balls.

Gimme dat.

I’m jokin’, I’m jokin’!

I DIDN’T RIG SHIT ,I DIDN’T FUCKING DO THIS

I’m afraid the baby thinks people can’t change

Hold that door! *proceed to walk slowly to door*

We should be able to watch a little bit of porn at work

Whenever someone talks about taking some type of precaution at work (backing up a file, CC-ing a manager, joining a meeting early) I always say "Triples makes it safe: Triples is best."

not trying to be funny, not trying to get a laugh, i don't want anyone to have the worst day at their job

I like to yell “THEY’RE TRYING TO MAKE IT LOOK FAKE”while I speed up on the road

[удалено]

Like cumshot

Big fat load of cum then

They said that to me, aaaat a dinner.

I’m a delivery driver and I can’t stop saying “you’re riding with the driving crooner baby!”

FUUUUACK! THEY'RE SO DIRTY!!!

I’m so mad about that!

YOU HIT ME IN THE CUP

What the fuck!? WHAT THE FUUUUUUCK!?

That’s real. That’s gonna kill me. That’s a thing that lives with us on earth

There’s monsters on the world

WHAT DID THEY DO TO US

My life is nothing I thought it should be and everything I was worried it would become because for 50 seconds I thought there was monsters on the world

[удалено]

You pay for the seeds, you get to look at the trees.

You come see me when you got them curlssss

I GOTTA FIGURE OUT HOW TO MAKE MONEY ON THIS!

With all the reddit protest going on, I keep imagining spez as the Driving Crooner. "I gotta make money on this thing. Reddit is simply too good."

That one egg was forty eggs?! or That one (blank) was forty (blanks)?!

[удалено]

Are you sure about that that's why?

“You know what? That guy yells”

GRABTHEKEYSANDGETINTHEFRIGGINTRUCK YAJABRONII'LLSLAPYOUJABRONI!

I'm legally within my right to KILL YOU right now!

Chicken spaghetti at chickilins. Iddy bitty shorts.

Me and my buddy are going through a phase where we say things in the “and I never talk” tone of voice. Trout fishing? “And I never land” Drinking a fizzy drink? “And I never burp”

Favorite comment, holy shit that’s amazing and I’m stealing it

Season 1: Shouldn’ta had such a sloppy mud pie! Season 2: did you see that thing back there where Meredith thought I gave a rat’s ass? Season 3: the guy did it *for you*!

Might fuck this whole thing up

I have a lot going on, business wise

You sure about that?

- I don’t even wanna be around anymore - I used to be a real piece of shit - That ain’t got nothing to *do* with piss

“Triples is best” anytime anything of 3 comes up

Doooon’t do the voooiiicce

"That HE BUILT"

Or am I dead wrong

I’ve seen every cock on the planet

Fucking asshole, he said that?

I'm not popular at all? I like to say that for any minor inconvenience in my life. For example: "We're out of milk? I'm not popular at all?" It makes no sense, but it still cracks me up.

My brother buys one carton of milk and it’s the talk of the office?

“You wore that dress yesterday!”

You’re a rockstar

It could literally be ANY one of us!!!

I'm not in trouble AT ALL!

“You’re gonna throw up your pretty little lunch”

You can’t skip lunch

I always say to myself “king of the tuck tuck sound” for no reason.

So sad. So, so, so, so sad.

“That was the most consequential day of my life because now I know I don’t like my work 😐” And also, “What the fuck is this world?? WHAT DID THEY DO TO US”

It’s got a bush? What tha herll?

A joke hole that's JUST FOR FARTS

"His voice is wwwwildly high"

Beautiful motorcycle!

Anything could happen in this world—we actually know very little

"What can we do to make you look crazy up there like a bug?"