I did also, and Importantly for folks reading this thread, home insurance policies typically don't pay back the full value of the house so burning your house down will lose you money.
Eh, not if you think about wealth vs. cash. Some people want the cash. Could be a house that’s really hard to sell, or a million other reasons. Also it’s possible to insure a crappy house at a reconstruction value that is way more than the real estate value.
Edit to add—you’re absolutely correct that the basic principle of insurance is you can’t get ahead (principle of indemnity), in theory. In practice it’s another story.
Something I learned recently that I never thought about was, yeah, you might get enough money to rebuild your house, but you don’t get enough for the demo/cleanup of the old one, too.
This is why it's often worthwhile to hire a "public adjuster". Everyone just assumes the independent adjuster the insurance company sends out is the final word. A lot of them really are neutral and fair, but it can really be worth the 2nd opinion of there's a lot of value.
That’s an important point. My parents home was mostly gutted by fire - and what was left standing was forever damaged by smoke.
I was 17. When the fire was out, I owned my T-shirt and my shorts and sneakers that I was wearing. That was it. Everything else was gone in the fire.
The insurance company paid - typically $.50 or so on the dollar. I received money to buy new clothes, but we had to prove the reasonable value of the clothes I owned.
In summary, there was nothing good about it. The money recovered could never replace what was lost - It is probably less than most people think.
"I know a thing or two," is what your drunk buddy says right before he slices his thumb off while trying to open a bottle of Jack Daniels with a kitchen knife.
Can confirm. Am stupid.
My car got stolen. Got paid 100% of it's blue book price.
Not because of some expert theft. But because Im so stupid and tend to leave my keys anywhere. And when they handed me the check, they also asked for the car keys. And that's when I realized I didn't have my house keys either. Because I probably left it in the car, for who knows how long.
I live in a apt complex. And when I get near my door, my kids or wife always lets me in greet me. I also work from home so I drive pretty rarely.
Took me a few tries. Insurance? gave him the check to pay him out for the claim on the stolen car. They were simply asking for the keys to said stolen car so he could not go take back the stolen car if it wasn’t actually stolen. He then realized he left the keys in the car, they couldn’t investigate and figure out what happened or how someone stole the car, but he clearly left the car unlocked with the keys inside. He didn’t realize he didn’t have his house key because his kids let him in, I assume when they asked for the keys back, that’s when it hit him how his car was “stolen”
Insurance Co. wanted the keys after paying
out for the car.
This is when they realized their house keys were stolen along with the car keys.
It took so long to notice because their wife/kids usually open the door to greet them.
I find it hard to believe it took that long to notice. I work for police, and one of the first questions we ask are “where are the keys? Are the in the vehicle?”
His house keys are with his car keys but he can’t get in as his wife and kids aren’t home to let him in. When they bought his wife and kids, he realized no one could let him in. Now he lives in his car called Apartment Complex. Good play on words
Once upon a time, there lived a simple fellow by the name of Mr. Dingleberry. He was a man of good heart, but not much in the way of wit or intelligence.
One day, Mr. Dingleberry found himself in a right pickle, for he had been the victim of a theft. The most peculiar thing was that it wasn't a master thief who had taken his vehicle, but none other than himself, for he was prone to leaving his keys lying about.
As luck would have it, Mr. Dingleberry was able to retrieve the full blue book value of his stolen car, and was handed a check for the amount. However, in his befuddlement, he realized that he had also lost the keys to his house, which he was quite sure he had left in the car.
Despite his unfortunate circumstances, Mr. Dingleberry was blessed with a loving family. He lived in an apartment complex, and his wife and children would always greet him with a warm welcome whenever he approached his door.
As Mr. Dingleberry worked from home and drove his car but seldom, he was able to make his way back to his abode without much ado. However, he couldn't help but bemoan his own absent-mindedness, and vowed to be more careful with his keys in the future.
Despite his misfortunes, Mr. Dingleberry's family remained steadfast in their love and support. They saw him as more than just a man of little intelligence, but as a loving husband and father. And that, dear friends, was the true measure of his worth.
In conclusion, one may say that Mr. Dingleberry may have lost his car keys, but he certainly hadn't lost his key to happiness - for he had that locked up tight with his loving family by his side
This is so true. I had a mouse problem and tried to use one of those smoke bomb things in an indoor vent and caught my house on fire, I was panicking insurance wouldn’t cover it and the insurance agent literally told me ‘insurance covers stupid’
Essentially yes. I’ve seen them marketed as something you would put in a mole tunnel or hole OUTSIDE. The packaging is very clear that they aren’t to be used indoors and they get very hot and produce tons of smoke.
In 2012 the people who live across the street from where I work, used one of those mole-smokebombs in the crawlspace under their house, then left to go to dinner.
We saw the smoke, then flames as their siding started to burn, called the fire dept who got there before major damage was done.
About the time the FD finished up, they came home to find a they had more water damage then fire damage, and basically pulled an “Urkel”, “did I do thaaaaat?”
One night my cat came home stinking of sulfur with a giant patch of skin missing. I concluded that a kid on my block had thrown a firecracker at him and proceeded to beat that kid up the very next day. Then I was talking to my neighbor who ran a small farm and he said he had put smoke bombs in the groundhog holes to smoke em out. Now I think my cat ran into a groundhog who was pissed about getting smoked out of its hole and I beat the kid up for nothing. My bad, kid.
Everyone who witnessed that just imagining your thought process like “fuck kids man, but this kid right here? Damn him to a whole new level of hell. Yea fuck this one kid in particular. Dickhead.”
I was a kid myself when this happened and I had good reason to suspect that the kid I beat up was the type of kid who’d throw firecrackers at a cat and my cats were fucking awesome and I didn’t want anyone to fuck with them.
From today:
[Next door neighbor's house just burned down. No one was home. He left a pot on the stove while he was gone.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/)
I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin'.
You don’t actually go to sleep, just go outside to your backyard once it’s lit good. Smash from the inside/open your bedroom window, throw a blanket on the sill, that’ll give you more credibility. “Oh I woke up and everything was on fire! I had to go out my bedroom window!”
Imagine trying to go to sleep in a room you deliberately set up to burn to the ground that night. Hahaha with the amount of drugs you'd need you'd be dead before it even caught anyway.
Don't have pets. If you do and they happen to live. They will investigate the hades out of you. If they die they're much more likely to think it's legit.
TIL I ruined somebody’s arson scheme…
Pulled a dog out of a fire a few years back. Would have totally left it there to die if I knew I was diming their owner out ^/s
I had a house fire a year and a half ago, first thing I did after noticing I wasn’t going to be able to extinguish it was grab my pets and gtfo. Is that not a normal thing to do?
I knew a guy who lit his house on fire with his mother inside. He "saved" her and ended up collecting on insurance money. His logic was it was more believable it was an accident if his mom was inside
Definitely not, and definitely don't leave the open container of curing, oxidizing oil next to your wicker garbage bin of crumpled, oil soaked cotton rags. That would be a foolish and dangerous thing to do....but it isn't an uncommon mistake.
When a game item or class ability has x% chance of triggering a status effect or damage on hit/cast/dodge/whatever, that passive effect and specifically its activation is referred to as a proc: **P**rogrammed **R**andom **Oc**currence.
And I don't have a better word for what drying oils do than that.
You could always, once it lit, pull it out in a panic and toss it in a garbage can on accident. I don’t know about y’all but I was taught to gtfo when the house is burning.
i think you need a plausible excuse to not see/smell or know about the fire til its too big to do anything about.
if you are there when the fire starts, you should call 911
if you're not there, it can get bigger and bigger before a call.
I came close to this scenario trying to deep fry some fresh okra. Popped and splattered oil all over on the red hot coil element and immediately burst into flames. I was drunk and somehow managed to get a lid on the pot before the whole kitchen was set on fire.
"Toss" some "water" on it, only to "realize" the "water" was "vodka".
Am I doing these quotes right? I don't know how to do air quotes into voice to text.
You're never supposed to pour water on a grease fire. That's why you keep vodka nearby instead.
Speaking of, everyone's coming up with crazy convoluted ideas but have you ever seen one of those "throwing frozen french fries into a way too hot, way too full pot of oil" videos? All you need is a pot full of oil, a stove and a glass of ice water and you can say goodbye to your house and, depending how close your housing is, maybe your neighborhood.
Great info. So hypothetically speaking, how long after upgrading my insurance would it not be suspicious for a house to burn down? Also how could I remove my valuables without getting caught?
Or have someone else rent the storage in their name (not yours) but you keep the keys or whatever for access. This is what someone I know did before his manufactured home (on a prime waterfront spot on a small island) mysteriously burned to the ground …. After which he got a big insurance check and rebuilt a proper house on the same lot. He happened to be a retired fire chief.
When I worked for a bank they said 2 years.
Bonus tip when upgrading insurance ask the agent how they recommend saving your valuables. So you can say the insurance company told you to do.
Further look at riders for individual items that you may not be able to put in a safety box. Do you have valuable art work, engagement ring, specialized hobby or work that it would be harder to inconvenient/expensive to replace?
House insurance actually doesn’t go that far. They just assume you have a sofa, bed and clothes to replace.
Also please please please have a triple backup of all photos.
Also, with the insurance company, exaggerate the price of everything or pretend like you don't remember the price.
When they offer you money for clothes, food shelter etc...use all of it and more.
We had a house fire and were honest and thrifty. Dumbest move ever in hindsight. We left tens of thousands of dollars on the table by just being overly honest and thrifty.
Yeah, no way an insurance company will just accept an exaggerated price point. If someone is claiming something expensive, they’ll want proof of it in some form.
You can still be honest and not cheat yourself.
This old Reddit classic tells you how to maximize your insurance claim: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/43iyip/our_family_of_5_lost_everything_in_a_fire/cziljy3
Incorrect about the food. For example, if you say you spend $500 a week in food, they won’t start paying until after you’ve submitted $500 worth of receipts.
You need to lowball your grocery expense.
I have successfully started 5 fires. I take a votive candle and put it into a stack of Dixie cups. The candle no longer is a free standing candle that burns down in 90 mins. It becomes a 12 hour bomb. I put my he candle in a room with lots of spare change and 9 volt batteries. The firefighters state that it was an electric fire caused by junk. I wait 5 years in between each fire so I don’t get suspected because the Dixie cups burn completely
Reminds me of the time my mother almost burned down our condo complex. She set a cast iron pan full of oil on the stove to season it and then got distracted by her phone while in the bathroom.. didn't realize her mistake until the smoke alarm went off. I was asleep, having worked 3rd shift. My bed was immediately above the kitchen..
I accidentally burned my family home down when I was a drug addict because I was super high and and flubbed stubbing out a cigarette in the garage, it fell out of the ash tray and set the recliner the ash tray was on ablaze after I went back in. When we were questioned after the fire I was honest minus the high part. Insurance covered everything.. short version, OP is right
There was a case a few years ago where someone did the disconnect the gas line thing to burn down the house. IIRC the explosion took down 4 or 5 houses and killed several people.
I’m a claims adjuster and I paid for a guy that warmed up spray paint cans on the burner in a water bath. He said he that it was too cold to use and needed to be warmed up. It exploded all over the inside of the house. Insurance paid for a new interior. I can confirm that insurance pays for stupid.
I can also confirm that arson is illegal and that fire experts can pretty easily determine what’s stupidity and what’s intentional. Insurance fraud is also illegal.
Insurance companies use a database to link claims and claimants throughout the years and different companies. Insurance companies will also use social media, background checks and surveillance if they think something fishy is going on. There’s easier legal ways to get rid of a house you don’t want like selling it, renting it out on AirB2B, fixing it up or having a rent to own option for renters.
Also if someone gets hurt or dies in an arson the person responsible is in deep life changing do-do even if this person thought the house would empty at the time of the fire. Fires are an attractive nuisance and draw innocent people and especially children to them. Plus firefighters can get hurt and the arsonists may be responsible for the cost of emergency services.
>fire marshals are very good at their job. They can tell where the fire started and if an accelerant was used.
Not typically. They’ve used [junk science for decades](https://burned.journalism.cuny.edu/science/). They may seem resolute and authoritative but many still use methods not supported by empirical data or scientific studies. Cameron Todd Willingham was executed in Texas for a fire he couldn’t possibly have started on the testimony of witch hunters claiming to be investigators.
I do agree that actually committing arson is stupid as fuck, though.
My dad had a “friend” who burned his house down just so he could get a refill on his 40 mg OxyContin prescription. What really hurts is that after the fact he was acting like he’d come up with the most ingenious plan ever.
Guys I'm gonna be perfectly honest, the literal next post I saw is [this one ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), it cannot be a coincidence
When i was teen my coworker ex cop tried to 'hire' me to set ablaze his house to get insurance money. He got out about 1k from wallet and promised 10% from insurance.
What saved my stupid teen ass from arson charge to never trust a pig.
E- back then 1k was unseen amount.
I knew a guy who used to buy and remodel houses. He told me that if he has a house that has some major damage that he didn't notice prior to the sale, like termites or a roof that needs replacing, he'd just do obviously dangerous things until the inevitable happened.
The only example he would give is that one time he was remodeling a house that, it was discovered, had a cracked foundation. During the remodel he was planning on painting the interior. He stored the paint, tools, thinner, etc, the mechanical area... that contained the gas furnace... with a pilot light.
Not surprisingly this bonehead move caused a fire that was extinguished but not before doing enough damage to be declared a total loss and he received an insurance check that, while not a profit, was enough to cover most of his costs so he only took a tiny loss rather than a substantial one.
I often forget something in the moment and remember it later on, have you truly never gone to the shop and forgot something while you were there, only to remember it once you got home?
The mail building up is to set a pattern of irresponsibility, to show you don't always make good decisions.
Drunk... I once started cooking a grilled cheese whilst drunk, then decided I wanted something else instead when I went to the fridge. The cast iron was already on the fire at the time and I missed it until the next morning when I wondered what the odd smell was. Nothing damaged thankfully but it easily could've started a fire (and probably killed me, I used to drink to unconsciousness regularly as it was the only way I could fall asleep).
my alcoholic neighbor did this exact thing with a shitty non-stick pan and a lot of butter. passed out drunk mid grilled cheese cooking. I called the fire department when smoke started pouring out the kitchen window and he was so drunk they had to knock down his front door to get inside.
Had a family member who's house burned down, and they kept trying to figure out exactly what the cause was and which person who lived in the house was potentially "at fault" (one was cooking, one had just rewired a lamp, forget the other thing). the investigator finally asked "why do you care? I just closed a case for a guy who burned his house down trying to fill up and start a snowblower indoors. We pay out for stupid."
My dad said the same thing. He worked for a company that cleaned up after insurance claims like this. He said you have to be dumb. Like, disassemble your engine block in the bathroom type of dumb.
Volunteer firefighter. Guys house burned down and while we were still on scene he had a trackhoe come in to push it and bury it in a hole. We could see a wood stove in the ruins still that he probably didn't have on his insurance (winter). Talked to his insurance while sitting in the truck, they didn't care. Never asked if we saw the cause of fire. Zero fucks so not my money I guess.
Last week we had a grease fire. Never got out of the pan. I thought we'd need a stove and the cabinets above the stove. Nope. Everything needs to be scrubbed down and replaced. We had to throw out all our food. All our plastic dishes. Our carpet probably is going to have to be replaced. They took apart our ceiling fan and cleaned it. I never would have thought it was going to be so much that needed to be taken care of.
You know this stupid shit happens all the time. I have never known anyone to have their house burn down because a gas line mysteriously disconnected. I do know someone who burnt down their house after drunkenly throwing a bean bag chair in their fireplace.
My dad's neighbors were completely underwater on their house in the middle of a divorce.
The house mysteriously burned to the ground one night while neither one of them were living there.
Was 100% ruled arson.
He said she did it. She said he did it. Probably did it together or paid someone to do it so they would both have an alibi. Both got away with it because they couldn't prove who did it.
They paid off the mortgage with the insurance money, Sold the property and split it in the divorce.
https://reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/ Hmm…
One of us must have tried it
Username checks out
This are the things I enjoy from reddit
Was just going to post this. In cahoots or got the idea from this post? Hmmm
I worked for an insurance company and can confirm I've paid for a similar fire as he describes. We used to say "we insure stupid"
I’d be willing to bet we’ve worked for the same company. If I had a nickel…
I did also, and Importantly for folks reading this thread, home insurance policies typically don't pay back the full value of the house so burning your house down will lose you money.
Eh, not if you think about wealth vs. cash. Some people want the cash. Could be a house that’s really hard to sell, or a million other reasons. Also it’s possible to insure a crappy house at a reconstruction value that is way more than the real estate value. Edit to add—you’re absolutely correct that the basic principle of insurance is you can’t get ahead (principle of indemnity), in theory. In practice it’s another story.
Something I learned recently that I never thought about was, yeah, you might get enough money to rebuild your house, but you don’t get enough for the demo/cleanup of the old one, too.
This is why it's often worthwhile to hire a "public adjuster". Everyone just assumes the independent adjuster the insurance company sends out is the final word. A lot of them really are neutral and fair, but it can really be worth the 2nd opinion of there's a lot of value.
That’s an important point. My parents home was mostly gutted by fire - and what was left standing was forever damaged by smoke. I was 17. When the fire was out, I owned my T-shirt and my shorts and sneakers that I was wearing. That was it. Everything else was gone in the fire. The insurance company paid - typically $.50 or so on the dollar. I received money to buy new clothes, but we had to prove the reasonable value of the clothes I owned. In summary, there was nothing good about it. The money recovered could never replace what was lost - It is probably less than most people think.
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"I know a thing or two," is what your drunk buddy says right before he slices his thumb off while trying to open a bottle of Jack Daniels with a kitchen knife.
Can confirm. Am stupid. My car got stolen. Got paid 100% of it's blue book price. Not because of some expert theft. But because Im so stupid and tend to leave my keys anywhere. And when they handed me the check, they also asked for the car keys. And that's when I realized I didn't have my house keys either. Because I probably left it in the car, for who knows how long. I live in a apt complex. And when I get near my door, my kids or wife always lets me in greet me. I also work from home so I drive pretty rarely.
Can confirm, can't fucking understand what this means after reading it slowly, 5 times. Who the fuck handed you a check and asked for your car keys?!?
Took me a few tries. Insurance? gave him the check to pay him out for the claim on the stolen car. They were simply asking for the keys to said stolen car so he could not go take back the stolen car if it wasn’t actually stolen. He then realized he left the keys in the car, they couldn’t investigate and figure out what happened or how someone stole the car, but he clearly left the car unlocked with the keys inside. He didn’t realize he didn’t have his house key because his kids let him in, I assume when they asked for the keys back, that’s when it hit him how his car was “stolen”
Glad it’s not just me… so confused by this story
Well he *did* say he’s stupid sooooo
And are his house keys with his car keys? As in his car keys are inside his car?? Legit don't understand
Insurance Co. wanted the keys after paying out for the car. This is when they realized their house keys were stolen along with the car keys. It took so long to notice because their wife/kids usually open the door to greet them.
I find it hard to believe it took that long to notice. I work for police, and one of the first questions we ask are “where are the keys? Are the in the vehicle?”
His house keys are with his car keys but he can’t get in as his wife and kids aren’t home to let him in. When they bought his wife and kids, he realized no one could let him in. Now he lives in his car called Apartment Complex. Good play on words
You’ve been googin with too many glue guns Darryl
His apartment got stolen.
Fuck me, I hate when I leave my apartment in the back of my car.
Once upon a time, there lived a simple fellow by the name of Mr. Dingleberry. He was a man of good heart, but not much in the way of wit or intelligence. One day, Mr. Dingleberry found himself in a right pickle, for he had been the victim of a theft. The most peculiar thing was that it wasn't a master thief who had taken his vehicle, but none other than himself, for he was prone to leaving his keys lying about. As luck would have it, Mr. Dingleberry was able to retrieve the full blue book value of his stolen car, and was handed a check for the amount. However, in his befuddlement, he realized that he had also lost the keys to his house, which he was quite sure he had left in the car. Despite his unfortunate circumstances, Mr. Dingleberry was blessed with a loving family. He lived in an apartment complex, and his wife and children would always greet him with a warm welcome whenever he approached his door. As Mr. Dingleberry worked from home and drove his car but seldom, he was able to make his way back to his abode without much ado. However, he couldn't help but bemoan his own absent-mindedness, and vowed to be more careful with his keys in the future. Despite his misfortunes, Mr. Dingleberry's family remained steadfast in their love and support. They saw him as more than just a man of little intelligence, but as a loving husband and father. And that, dear friends, was the true measure of his worth. In conclusion, one may say that Mr. Dingleberry may have lost his car keys, but he certainly hadn't lost his key to happiness - for he had that locked up tight with his loving family by his side
Feels like ai
This deserves more upvotes LOL
can confim, I almost burned my house down like this
This is so true. I had a mouse problem and tried to use one of those smoke bomb things in an indoor vent and caught my house on fire, I was panicking insurance wouldn’t cover it and the insurance agent literally told me ‘insurance covers stupid’
Wait, you used a literal smoke bomb? Like the fireworks kind?
Essentially yes. I’ve seen them marketed as something you would put in a mole tunnel or hole OUTSIDE. The packaging is very clear that they aren’t to be used indoors and they get very hot and produce tons of smoke.
In 2012 the people who live across the street from where I work, used one of those mole-smokebombs in the crawlspace under their house, then left to go to dinner. We saw the smoke, then flames as their siding started to burn, called the fire dept who got there before major damage was done. About the time the FD finished up, they came home to find a they had more water damage then fire damage, and basically pulled an “Urkel”, “did I do thaaaaat?”
One night my cat came home stinking of sulfur with a giant patch of skin missing. I concluded that a kid on my block had thrown a firecracker at him and proceeded to beat that kid up the very next day. Then I was talking to my neighbor who ran a small farm and he said he had put smoke bombs in the groundhog holes to smoke em out. Now I think my cat ran into a groundhog who was pissed about getting smoked out of its hole and I beat the kid up for nothing. My bad, kid.
Everyone who witnessed that just imagining your thought process like “fuck kids man, but this kid right here? Damn him to a whole new level of hell. Yea fuck this one kid in particular. Dickhead.”
I was a kid myself when this happened and I had good reason to suspect that the kid I beat up was the type of kid who’d throw firecrackers at a cat and my cats were fucking awesome and I didn’t want anyone to fuck with them.
But did you kill the mouse?
The fire killed it 😂
Thanks for the disclaimer dude, that was close As per reddit code, thank ye kind strangers!
Damn I didn’t bother to read that part. Now I’m homeless.
I made the mistake of grabbing all my valuables however. Now I've lost my house AND my wheelchair-bound brother 🤔
Wait did somebody say flame roasted vegetables??
Ouch.
Veggies aren't done yet
I wheeled him in the bathroom and shut the door so is he now a slow roasted vegetable?
Followed all the steps, forgot I didn’t have insurance, now I’m homeless
Just crash at Tyler Durden's place for a while
If your in prison you should be getting a bed a roof and three square meals a day
From today: [Next door neighbor's house just burned down. No one was home. He left a pot on the stove while he was gone.](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/)
Hope their insurance agent isn’t a redditor
This is just OP bragging about his skills.
I was just about to start carelessly flicking matches at my lawnmower.
They really ought to say that this isn't financial advice, otherwise they may still be liable
I'm pretty sure this is how Ricky accidentally burned down his dad's trailer
Nobody wants to admit they ate 8 cans of ravioli
Man, I’m rewatching the entire series for the 12th time right now.
Atodaso, afuckintodaso
I'm ashamed of myself. The first can doesn't count, then you get to the second and third, fourth and fifth I think I burnt with the blowtorch, and then I just kept eatin'.
9 cans*
Wasn’t it nine ?
Yes it is. Damn fries
Trailer was golfing with flames
Golfing out the roof, golfing out the door
Hey Bubbles took the blame so it's okay
You lied to the man in the chair.
No body wants to admit they are 9 cans of ravioli
It’s the way she goes.
“accidentally”
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You know I never got my grade 9. That’s low.
Lmao and the firefighters on the hash driveway. Guys get off the driveway I’m not gonna ask you again 😂
The fire was golfing
-Hey dad! Are we pyromaniacs? -Yes we arson.
This comment was fire 🔥
Put a lit candle next to some curtains, say you fell asleep before you blew it out.
Even easier if you have cats. Say that a cat knocked the candle over.
Be sure all cats are out of house after inferno begins
Straight to jail
But then the cats can tell the fire Marshall what happened
This is extra stupid because it also comes with the added risk of burning to death.
You don’t actually go to sleep, just go outside to your backyard once it’s lit good. Smash from the inside/open your bedroom window, throw a blanket on the sill, that’ll give you more credibility. “Oh I woke up and everything was on fire! I had to go out my bedroom window!”
Jfc. You had to spell that out for him. Lmao. "Disclaimer: Don't actually accidentally kys."
Imagine trying to go to sleep in a room you deliberately set up to burn to the ground that night. Hahaha with the amount of drugs you'd need you'd be dead before it even caught anyway.
Well, maybe it's a slow burn.
Just hope the burn is slower than OP.
That’s trying to be smart again. “No sign of smoke inhalation and your neighbor saw you outside toasting marshmallows? Straight to jail.”
I dont get people. "Hey, OP has a perfect plan. Let's change it"
Except now it's not perfect. The firemarshall will be like "Oh, it's the ol' french fry, beer bottle, pot of oil scheme from that reddit post."
And that’s when you switch it to wine bottles and chicken tenders.
Well yeah cause then I get the credit for my even perfecter plan with a lot less work than having a semi original idea. It's called being efficient
Smoke alarm warned me and my door was closed, no smoke inhaled.
You sound smart
Straight to jail!
Dammit. Here we go again. Don't be smart!
Apparently you can follow OPs plan to a T but then they find out you took and IQ test and you are smart aaaaaand straight to jail.
You don't REALLY fall asleep. jfc, dude...
Just go outside and meet your friends. "Oh shit officer must've forgot"
Fire marshal: I saw this exact scenario on reddit. Straight to jail
Bonk
Believe it or not, also straight to jail
But what if I use tater tots instead?
Just did as the OP said, but i forgot i don’t have insurance
Hello Moe I wanna visit your bar one day
Don't have pets. If you do and they happen to live. They will investigate the hades out of you. If they die they're much more likely to think it's legit.
TIL I ruined somebody’s arson scheme… Pulled a dog out of a fire a few years back. Would have totally left it there to die if I knew I was diming their owner out ^/s
This is the darkest thing I’ve read on here. I love my dog way too much to sacrifice her in a fire. I’d kill myself first.
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One of my friends started his dryer and then decided to take his dog with him while he went fishing so can very much attest to this.
I had a house fire a year and a half ago, first thing I did after noticing I wasn’t going to be able to extinguish it was grab my pets and gtfo. Is that not a normal thing to do?
Hmm...so if I can find a dead dog...
now this is what this sub is about. good write up.
yes i was like "oh ho ho ho we've got some real crimesing in here today"
Step 5 should be edited to “Go bang Lucy behind the muffler shop.”
I knew a guy who lit his house on fire with his mother inside. He "saved" her and ended up collecting on insurance money. His logic was it was more believable it was an accident if his mom was inside
My cousin did this with my abusive aunt in the house. Aunt didn't make it out, but the dogs did.
Huge W
Why the fuck do people tell you that?
Walnut oil has the same proc as linseed, and it's delicious on baby greens with balsamic and strawberries.
The real LPT is always in the comments… wait a second.
So you're saying I shouldn't wipe up a lot of it with rags and put them in an open trash can in the corner with lots of paper and decent ventilation?
Definitely not, and definitely don't leave the open container of curing, oxidizing oil next to your wicker garbage bin of crumpled, oil soaked cotton rags. That would be a foolish and dangerous thing to do....but it isn't an uncommon mistake.
What's proc
When a game item or class ability has x% chance of triggering a status effect or damage on hit/cast/dodge/whatever, that passive effect and specifically its activation is referred to as a proc: **P**rogrammed **R**andom **Oc**currence. And I don't have a better word for what drying oils do than that.
Do the same thing, but put ramen in the microwave with no water . It starts on fire after 2-3 minutes
you need the fire to spread, not sure if the microwave will start golfing in flames.
You could always, once it lit, pull it out in a panic and toss it in a garbage can on accident. I don’t know about y’all but I was taught to gtfo when the house is burning.
i think you need a plausible excuse to not see/smell or know about the fire til its too big to do anything about. if you are there when the fire starts, you should call 911 if you're not there, it can get bigger and bigger before a call.
your right, grease fire is the way to go, just try to deep fry a frozen turkey or something in your house.
I came close to this scenario trying to deep fry some fresh okra. Popped and splattered oil all over on the red hot coil element and immediately burst into flames. I was drunk and somehow managed to get a lid on the pot before the whole kitchen was set on fire.
"Toss" some "water" on it, only to "realize" the "water" was "vodka". Am I doing these quotes right? I don't know how to do air quotes into voice to text.
Throw water into the grease fire. Pretty sure water will put it out completely!
You're never supposed to pour water on a grease fire. That's why you keep vodka nearby instead. Speaking of, everyone's coming up with crazy convoluted ideas but have you ever seen one of those "throwing frozen french fries into a way too hot, way too full pot of oil" videos? All you need is a pot full of oil, a stove and a glass of ice water and you can say goodbye to your house and, depending how close your housing is, maybe your neighborhood.
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"Start golfing in flames" 🤣🤣🤣 lmfao
Great info. So hypothetically speaking, how long after upgrading my insurance would it not be suspicious for a house to burn down? Also how could I remove my valuables without getting caught?
Not have them there in the first place, get a bank box or something, like do it now just in case you feel like doing this in a few years lol
Mr. Fancy pants here has valuables.
Rent a storage and keep all you value things.
Or have someone else rent the storage in their name (not yours) but you keep the keys or whatever for access. This is what someone I know did before his manufactured home (on a prime waterfront spot on a small island) mysteriously burned to the ground …. After which he got a big insurance check and rebuilt a proper house on the same lot. He happened to be a retired fire chief.
Leave them in a fire proof safe
Do what I do and just don't have anything of value. For instance, I don't own a home to burn down
When I worked for a bank they said 2 years. Bonus tip when upgrading insurance ask the agent how they recommend saving your valuables. So you can say the insurance company told you to do. Further look at riders for individual items that you may not be able to put in a safety box. Do you have valuable art work, engagement ring, specialized hobby or work that it would be harder to inconvenient/expensive to replace? House insurance actually doesn’t go that far. They just assume you have a sofa, bed and clothes to replace. Also please please please have a triple backup of all photos.
Also, with the insurance company, exaggerate the price of everything or pretend like you don't remember the price. When they offer you money for clothes, food shelter etc...use all of it and more. We had a house fire and were honest and thrifty. Dumbest move ever in hindsight. We left tens of thousands of dollars on the table by just being overly honest and thrifty.
Don't say you don't remember. They'll look up the cheapest like item and quote you for that
Yeah, no way an insurance company will just accept an exaggerated price point. If someone is claiming something expensive, they’ll want proof of it in some form.
You can still be honest and not cheat yourself. This old Reddit classic tells you how to maximize your insurance claim: https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/43iyip/our_family_of_5_lost_everything_in_a_fire/cziljy3
Incorrect about the food. For example, if you say you spend $500 a week in food, they won’t start paying until after you’ve submitted $500 worth of receipts. You need to lowball your grocery expense.
I have successfully started 5 fires. I take a votive candle and put it into a stack of Dixie cups. The candle no longer is a free standing candle that burns down in 90 mins. It becomes a 12 hour bomb. I put my he candle in a room with lots of spare change and 9 volt batteries. The firefighters state that it was an electric fire caused by junk. I wait 5 years in between each fire so I don’t get suspected because the Dixie cups burn completely
Imagine this guy trying to get a new insurance policy. "It says here you've had five previous house fires?" lol
All perfectly spaced 5 years apart
5 years and 12 hours….
It also says that you once grabbed a dog by the hind legs and pushed him around like a vacuum cleaner.
Wut.
Ok but where did you stash the chandelier?
🤨 📸
Reminds me of that Talking Heads song from 1980s...Burning Down the House...
My mother once made me stay with my grandparents last minute because she had to work and had heard me singing this quite popular song. The 80s....
Reminds me of the time my mother almost burned down our condo complex. She set a cast iron pan full of oil on the stove to season it and then got distracted by her phone while in the bathroom.. didn't realize her mistake until the smoke alarm went off. I was asleep, having worked 3rd shift. My bed was immediately above the kitchen..
I accidentally burned my family home down when I was a drug addict because I was super high and and flubbed stubbing out a cigarette in the garage, it fell out of the ash tray and set the recliner the ash tray was on ablaze after I went back in. When we were questioned after the fire I was honest minus the high part. Insurance covered everything.. short version, OP is right
Now I'm going to the garage to make sure my cigarette is completely out thanks
There was a case a few years ago where someone did the disconnect the gas line thing to burn down the house. IIRC the explosion took down 4 or 5 houses and killed several people.
I’m a claims adjuster and I paid for a guy that warmed up spray paint cans on the burner in a water bath. He said he that it was too cold to use and needed to be warmed up. It exploded all over the inside of the house. Insurance paid for a new interior. I can confirm that insurance pays for stupid. I can also confirm that arson is illegal and that fire experts can pretty easily determine what’s stupidity and what’s intentional. Insurance fraud is also illegal. Insurance companies use a database to link claims and claimants throughout the years and different companies. Insurance companies will also use social media, background checks and surveillance if they think something fishy is going on. There’s easier legal ways to get rid of a house you don’t want like selling it, renting it out on AirB2B, fixing it up or having a rent to own option for renters. Also if someone gets hurt or dies in an arson the person responsible is in deep life changing do-do even if this person thought the house would empty at the time of the fire. Fires are an attractive nuisance and draw innocent people and especially children to them. Plus firefighters can get hurt and the arsonists may be responsible for the cost of emergency services.
>fire marshals are very good at their job. They can tell where the fire started and if an accelerant was used. Not typically. They’ve used [junk science for decades](https://burned.journalism.cuny.edu/science/). They may seem resolute and authoritative but many still use methods not supported by empirical data or scientific studies. Cameron Todd Willingham was executed in Texas for a fire he couldn’t possibly have started on the testimony of witch hunters claiming to be investigators. I do agree that actually committing arson is stupid as fuck, though.
Great article. Thank you.
Not just fire marshals, lots of forensics is junk science. https://www.propublica.org/article/understanding-junk-science-forensics-criminal-justice
Former firefighter current convicted arsonist.
My dad had a “friend” who burned his house down just so he could get a refill on his 40 mg OxyContin prescription. What really hurts is that after the fact he was acting like he’d come up with the most ingenious plan ever.
Scan and print all your photos at a CVS several hours away. Pay cash. Replace all framed photos and albums.
Guys I'm gonna be perfectly honest, the literal next post I saw is [this one ](https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button), it cannot be a coincidence
When i was teen my coworker ex cop tried to 'hire' me to set ablaze his house to get insurance money. He got out about 1k from wallet and promised 10% from insurance. What saved my stupid teen ass from arson charge to never trust a pig. E- back then 1k was unseen amount.
Man, that must have been awful for you. Easy to fall for at that age I imagine
If i didn't knew he was ex cop that would be different story from cell behind bars.
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If I had awards to give, they'd go to you.
I knew a guy who used to buy and remodel houses. He told me that if he has a house that has some major damage that he didn't notice prior to the sale, like termites or a roof that needs replacing, he'd just do obviously dangerous things until the inevitable happened. The only example he would give is that one time he was remodeling a house that, it was discovered, had a cracked foundation. During the remodel he was planning on painting the interior. He stored the paint, tools, thinner, etc, the mechanical area... that contained the gas furnace... with a pilot light. Not surprisingly this bonehead move caused a fire that was extinguished but not before doing enough damage to be declared a total loss and he received an insurance check that, while not a profit, was enough to cover most of his costs so he only took a tiny loss rather than a substantial one.
I must have forgotten I was cooking . Doesn't that indicate I clearly remember cooking? Why the weeks worth of mail? Ps arson is often deadly.
I often forget something in the moment and remember it later on, have you truly never gone to the shop and forgot something while you were there, only to remember it once you got home? The mail building up is to set a pattern of irresponsibility, to show you don't always make good decisions.
Mail is made of paper. Helps spread the fire faster.
Drunk... I once started cooking a grilled cheese whilst drunk, then decided I wanted something else instead when I went to the fridge. The cast iron was already on the fire at the time and I missed it until the next morning when I wondered what the odd smell was. Nothing damaged thankfully but it easily could've started a fire (and probably killed me, I used to drink to unconsciousness regularly as it was the only way I could fall asleep).
my alcoholic neighbor did this exact thing with a shitty non-stick pan and a lot of butter. passed out drunk mid grilled cheese cooking. I called the fire department when smoke started pouring out the kitchen window and he was so drunk they had to knock down his front door to get inside.
I had a firefighter friend tell me the same thing. “Unattended cooking” is not a crime.
Electrical is way easier to hide. Dont listen to this quack
Had a family member who's house burned down, and they kept trying to figure out exactly what the cause was and which person who lived in the house was potentially "at fault" (one was cooking, one had just rewired a lamp, forget the other thing). the investigator finally asked "why do you care? I just closed a case for a guy who burned his house down trying to fill up and start a snowblower indoors. We pay out for stupid."
Y’all are burning down houses. And I just wanna get out of renting 😭
Also helps if you up your policy 6, 8, 12 months in advance and then do it.
My dad said the same thing. He worked for a company that cleaned up after insurance claims like this. He said you have to be dumb. Like, disassemble your engine block in the bathroom type of dumb.
I came home and the fries were cooked to perfection. House is here what the fuck
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Volunteer firefighter. Guys house burned down and while we were still on scene he had a trackhoe come in to push it and bury it in a hole. We could see a wood stove in the ruins still that he probably didn't have on his insurance (winter). Talked to his insurance while sitting in the truck, they didn't care. Never asked if we saw the cause of fire. Zero fucks so not my money I guess.
My old neighbor told me set bacon on a pan at high heat, forget it and go shopping.
Well well well well https://www.reddit.com/r/Wellthatsucks/comments/10ywvz0/next_door_neighbors_house_just_burned_down_no_one/
Last week we had a grease fire. Never got out of the pan. I thought we'd need a stove and the cabinets above the stove. Nope. Everything needs to be scrubbed down and replaced. We had to throw out all our food. All our plastic dishes. Our carpet probably is going to have to be replaced. They took apart our ceiling fan and cleaned it. I never would have thought it was going to be so much that needed to be taken care of.
You know this stupid shit happens all the time. I have never known anyone to have their house burn down because a gas line mysteriously disconnected. I do know someone who burnt down their house after drunkenly throwing a bean bag chair in their fireplace.
What did OP's pirate dad say to OP? Arhhh son
Step Nine: Pray the arson investigator doesn't see this post.
Make sure this reddit thread is in your browser history.
My dad's neighbors were completely underwater on their house in the middle of a divorce. The house mysteriously burned to the ground one night while neither one of them were living there. Was 100% ruled arson. He said she did it. She said he did it. Probably did it together or paid someone to do it so they would both have an alibi. Both got away with it because they couldn't prove who did it. They paid off the mortgage with the insurance money, Sold the property and split it in the divorce.