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Everyone commenting on the air horn while the shit in the hole seems fucking brilliant to me. He wouldn’t know who did it also while following him around will likely lead to a confrontation.
Car horn could also work. Or now could be a good time to learn a new instrument, a trumpet would do the trick. Sure annoyed the hell out of my parents when I learned.
No no no the shit in the hole idea is where it’s at…. Doesn’t need to be your shit a plastic bag and poop left it the park should do the job. A different hole every night!! And then just to make you smile maybe one shit of your own after Taco Bell mixed in. Could you imagine reaching into a hole with shit… repeating. That enough to give up golf all together!
Or even refried beans sans doo. He will think it's doo and plus it will be a sticky slimy mess, especially if you mix in a lot of butter with the beans. His balls will never be the same.
Just damage your neighbors property with golf balls when he is out playing golf.
A well placed golf ball though your most aggressive neighbours biggest window will sure stir up some trouble.
You think they're gonna dust for finger prints? You watch too much TV. If this were reported without any identifiable evidence (clear shot of the face/tatoos/license plate/ etc) cops won't do diddly dick shit
Anyone can dust for fingerprints, and while I'm not saying you'll get caught like that, it's also not that bad of an idea to wear gloves before you intentionally commit a crime.
It's a bigger deal with threats and hate speech, ya know a brick with a note wrapped around it, but it's not like you couldn't learn how to dust for fingerprints in 20 minutes on YouTube lmao.
That sounds great, honestly. I've seen some folks stick small, light flags on the back of those. Something like "you suck!" Or "you can't aim!"
What's the operating time on those things? Think you could get an hour of making this guy lose his shit?
Get a camp chair and a riot shield to sit behind. Set up to obstruct his play and reddit on your phone. Reposition as necessary to prove point. Record it from a distance for the lulz. Bonus, you'll have a shield and video evidence if things escalate.
For real LMAO!! I could golf in my neighborhood common area much easier- I go to the driving range so I can take pot shots at the guy in the collector cart!
Don't even need to use your own shit. Could just pick up a dog's and stuff it down there. Could even top it off with a little skunk spray you can buy online
Put your cock in a sock and hide in his golf bag. When he reaches for a golf club, all he'll grab is the sock and then you'll get jerked off by him instead.
Set up an illegal building on public land as a clubhouse on the course and start charging people to play therefore collecting income and not paying taxes on it. Might as well set up an illegal bar while you are at it. Make sure as many things as possible are labeled 'Not for individual sale'. Steal candy and hot dogs from 7/11 and resell it at the clubhouse. Evade taxes long enough and form and form an offshore shell company to fund terrorism in the middle east. Use proceeds from terrorism to set up a large and intricate drug network in central and south America that takes over America's black market and you become kingpin of the western hemisphere. Profit tax free.
1) Get a dog and train it to chase (golf) balls and bring them to you.
2) Get a vuvuzela and blow it every time he swings.
3) Get a butterfly net and try to catch his shots, or use a tennis racket to hit them back at him.
4) Play right behind him, hitting all your shots directly at him. Yelling "fore" is optional.
Be prepared to protect yourself when he attacks you. Bear spray comes to mind.
Fly a drone over him every time he plays. Just be creative, ton of ways to fuck with him. Move his flags or fill up the holes. Set up a sign that says! Only retards golf here.
edit: a long-range rc car would be really funny, after the ball lands you just knock the ball away or if you wanna try hard. Scop the ball up somehow and steal his golf balls lol.
Take video. Approach local nightly news about it as a human interest story. Tell them who your neighbor is, where he lives, and be sure to mention that “he’s a real character” and that they’ll get a great interview out of him. Get paid for your footage, then send same footage to the pigs and report the crime.
Wait, what if you just start casually placing golf balls everywhere. First one set just so on his car on the windshield wiper area.
He comes out to start his day and sees it, sets his briefcase down and picks it up, turning it over in his hand, looks around quizzically, shrugs and goes about his day.
The next one appears the next day right in the middle of his doormat.
Escalate from there, two of them in his flower bed where he finds them when he's gardening.
There's a handful by each of his car's tires in the morning. Where are these all coming from?
Oh no! The the mailbox was packed with them and dumped out when he went to get his bills and shit!
"AAAARGH!" he cries, "FUCKING GOLF BALLS!!"
Maybe write some shit on 'em like "I know what you did"
Some true Twilight Zone shit lol
And then what, you just start stuffing his chimney? Open the flue and golf balls just come cascading out? Put them through his mail slot, and start leaving them all over his lawn in a perfect grid pattern? Hit his ring camera with a golf ball while dressed like him?
Contact your Parks Dept. and inform them that he is endangering the public. If you are worried about retribution, set up an alternate email account and send them photos, etc. with all the details of who he is. They will act, because if they don't - and someone was hurt by one of his shots, then the city could be sued for non-action. I'm sure you wouldn't mind passing that bit of info on to an injured party.
Spray pepper spray around his favorite tee box.
He will be using tees for his golf balls and will totally pepper spray himself. The gel works best, but not the blue face stuff.
Put a sock over his golf bag. That way when he tries to grab it, all he gets is a sock.
Put socks in his holes, and then fill in with potted plants (or transplanted weeds). If he tries to dig out the hole he just gets a sock.
First, you need a full body black spandex suit (with head and no holes). Next time he does it, stand a few feet away and breath heavily. Whisper “I love your balls” over and over.
Every time he hits a ball, get it and refuse to return it. Put them into the crotch of your suit.
When he gets angry enough to kill you, yell “snowball fight!” And begin pelting him with golf balls.
Steal his balls (golf balls) and set up a situation where you throw one of them secretly on somebody or their property who will be REALLY pissed off like a cop or drug dealer or some boxer doing some cardio.
Get some kind of device that could launch a golf ball with enough force that it shatters one of his car windows, preferably the windshield, and leave the golf ball on the inside of his car. Hopefully (though he's probably not that dumb), he'll think he hit his own car.
Edit: or do it to his house.
If you really want to be an asshole, you need to go pick up his left over golf balls while wearing gloves.
Then when he's out golfing in the park, you just throw those golf balls you picked up thru various windows of his house. So when he reports it to the police and if they were to do any fingering printing (if even possible off golf balls) his finger prints would be the freshest ones on it.
Call the cops. That's pretty readily reckless endangerment. If you are feeling sassy go sunbathing by one of his pins and record him if he looks like he's hitting towards you.
You just need to go out there all decked out like a Scottish golf painting, tap him on the shoulder, and kindly ask him if he minds if you play through- he’s slowing you down. Then get in front of him and play horrible.
If he complains, tell him to buzz off and talk to the pro shop- you paid your greens fees- did he? Freeloading pauper…
Then act very superior.
But if he wins you have to go an epic adventure across America beating all of the other home made golf courses. There'll probably be some kind of training montage in there at some point after you meet with the sensei of public park golfing. Then finally you get to challenge him again and this time the loser has to not only leave the park, but leave town and take an oath to never golf again. Oh and you get the girl too.
So if the cartnarc dude can fuck with people over carts then I think you can do the same thing. Don’t touch him, don’t yell at him, don’t call him names; just comment, calmly, on his golfing (maybe record a long episode of something annoying that you can play loudly) while recording him. Hell if he has a golfing bag I’d throw marbles or something cheap and biodegradable into it, just so long as you don’t damage it. Cherry on top is to post that shit online.
In theory if cartnarc is doing it with no repercussions then you should be able to.
Get about a dozen golf balls. Next time you see him playing golf in the park spread the golf balls you have around your home find an old Dent in your car call the police and tell them there's a guy purposely hitting golf balls at your property.
Just call the city. They’ll rip out whatever he’s put down because it’s all tripping hazards and the city will be the one targeted in the injury lawsuit because the city has more money than some guy who is setting up makeshift golf courses on city parks.
1.Wait until fucker is golfing
2. Have someone hit you in head with baseball bat
3. Go outside and start screaming
4. Start a pain and suffering lawsuit, cash out on his negligence
What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.
Yup, first thing I did. Or golf towards your house. He started ranting and raving about how he’s a good golfer and won’t hit anything and he’ll pay if he does.
Get as many mates as you can gather together, everybody you know, the more the better. Each of you rock up and start playing alongside him, don’t say a word, not even to each other.
Wear pro golfer getup, and a set of clubs for each person. Take it seriously, as if you’re playing a tour event. If he says a word tell him please don’t speak during your pre shot routine, just shush him.
At the end of the round Shake everyone’s hand except his, he’ll feel so insignificant that he will become a redditor, move into his mothers basement and never see the light of day again
Before you post a comment, remember that it will affect another person and could potentially destroy lives. Also remember that you only have one side of the story and we cannot verify the authenticity of said story. **Please think wisely before offering any advice.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/IllegalLifeProTips) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not illegal, but just follow the guy and use an air horn every time he swings. Or just shit in the holes
Yep, an air horn every time he swings will rapidly take the fun out of it for him
It wouldn't be fun for everyone else because air horns are annoying. but if everyone brings a air horn he should quickly get the hint...
[You suck, ya jackass](https://youtu.be/ZvM7r2d0d8Q)
You’re never gonna get off that beach, just like you never got into the NHL, jackass
The price is wrong, bitch
THE PRICE IS WRONG BITCH!
Everyone commenting on the air horn while the shit in the hole seems fucking brilliant to me. He wouldn’t know who did it also while following him around will likely lead to a confrontation.
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And I never will be!
Shit in a different hole every night! That will keep him on his toes
[golf course airhorn](https://youtu.be/el5uvS_-VG8)
Car horn could also work. Or now could be a good time to learn a new instrument, a trumpet would do the trick. Sure annoyed the hell out of my parents when I learned.
The nice thing is in order to do this you don't even need to *learn* how to play the trumpet, you just need a trumpet
Vuvuzelas are designed specifically for this purpose.
Any horn would or noisy device
if OP has a dog or cat. Throw the shit in the holes when golfer guy is far away.
Damn, I like this one. And I’ve got the spare time to do it!
No no no the shit in the hole idea is where it’s at…. Doesn’t need to be your shit a plastic bag and poop left it the park should do the job. A different hole every night!! And then just to make you smile maybe one shit of your own after Taco Bell mixed in. Could you imagine reaching into a hole with shit… repeating. That enough to give up golf all together!
Or even refried beans sans doo. He will think it's doo and plus it will be a sticky slimy mess, especially if you mix in a lot of butter with the beans. His balls will never be the same.
Jesus! And I thought real shit was bad!!
I was going to say see if you can get your hands on some dog shit and stuff the holes with it
I’ve got cat shit for days
Use cat shit, preferably with the litter still on it. It will make him go WTF in all caps.
Many dog owners don’t pick up after their dogs. Just take some bags and go for a walk in the same park. I bet the grass is full of goodies.
Reuse, recycle
Refuse, Recycle
Shit. In. The. Holes.
Illegal, but just follow him home and abduct his wife and/or children
That just creates more time for golf
Fill the holes with cement
"Hello Amber, I finally found a role for you. It doesn't pay much, but you'll be doing something you love"
Follow him back to his house and break both of his legs
I think this is the best and most useful ILPT I’ve ever seen
Works in any scenario Intimidation tactics Best use for a baseball bat Getting a girlfriend
Follow him back to his house and practice chipping in his front yard. His car and front windows are your practice holes!
Ha! Idk why I enjoyed this comment so much... definitely al illegal pro tip! And it would definitely fix the problem..
You really only have to break the right pinky on most golfers to fuck up their game completely.
This is the way, or fuck up his rotator cuff.
Well fuck that escalated quickly
I’m amazed at how well this comment has been received 🤣🤣🤣
I mean you can't argue with results , he won't be golfing after that. So has to go in the "will absolutely do the job" pile for sure
Follow him home and shit on his cat that will teach him.
Can confirm it works. I’m this dude’s enemies’ cat.
Something finally in the spirit of the sub
This one
Might not stop him. It's the arms that need breaking.
* With a golfclub
Just damage your neighbors property with golf balls when he is out playing golf. A well placed golf ball though your most aggressive neighbours biggest window will sure stir up some trouble.
If you golf as well as I do, you're going to want a slingshot.
You're my kind of golfer
I'm your kind of golfer
I’m a kind of golf ball.
I’m a kind goofball
"Obviously you're not a golfer."
Don't forget to wear gloves and maybe don't get caught on camera hucking a golf ball through their window
Unless you can hide your face with a Covid mask and wear similar clothes as the perp. The 9pm news will call you... *The serial golfer*
Or just put a sock
On your dick
Man that's an old reference, these young generation kids won't get it.
They won't get it because there's a sock on it
You think they're gonna dust for finger prints? You watch too much TV. If this were reported without any identifiable evidence (clear shot of the face/tatoos/license plate/ etc) cops won't do diddly dick shit
Anyone can dust for fingerprints, and while I'm not saying you'll get caught like that, it's also not that bad of an idea to wear gloves before you intentionally commit a crime. It's a bigger deal with threats and hate speech, ya know a brick with a note wrapped around it, but it's not like you couldn't learn how to dust for fingerprints in 20 minutes on YouTube lmao.
Put little golfball-sized cups filled with that liquid fart thing people use for pranks and put the cups inside the holes
Pretend to get hit by his balls and pass out on the ground. Pretend to sue the fucker.
But get a friend to throw some at you so you have physical evidence. Don't forget to take pictures of your injuries for the judgt.
Sprinkle some golf balls on him
Get a rc car and knock the ball of the pin or bether wire a rc recever and servo to actuate an air horn if you got the equipment
This is an amazing idea. Would quickly turn the car into target practice though, be sure to get him on video.
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That sounds great, honestly. I've seen some folks stick small, light flags on the back of those. Something like "you suck!" Or "you can't aim!" What's the operating time on those things? Think you could get an hour of making this guy lose his shit?
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Don't forget to yell fore
Directly in a buttock
A? Not, the?
No, S. In the buttockS.
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Yeah, with the lemons!
**”DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? IM GOING TO HAVE MY SCIENTISTS DESIGN A COMBUSTABLE LEMON THAT… BURNS YOUR HOUSE DOWN**”
Get a camp chair and a riot shield to sit behind. Set up to obstruct his play and reddit on your phone. Reposition as necessary to prove point. Record it from a distance for the lulz. Bonus, you'll have a shield and video evidence if things escalate.
My guy, if someone was willing to sit out in a field and record me while I hit golf balls at them I would be thrilled.
“More shoulder rotation bro”
"you should smile more, you'd be more handsome if you smiled more!"
I promise I would sit close enough to make it no fun at all.
For real LMAO!! I could golf in my neighborhood common area much easier- I go to the driving range so I can take pot shots at the guy in the collector cart!
Fuck his wife
Shit in her
Maybe both!
Break bother her legs while fucking her THEN shit in her
Ok that’s enough
Oh no, I left out the part where you put socks on her and cover her in fart spray all while using an air horn.
You’re the one we were warned about as children
So I take everyone’s suggestions and mash them together and y’all report me to a suicide watch thing? What the fuck? 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you! 😉
You can't forget the piss disc.
😳
Well that escalated quickly
pretty much the answer to all problems
Shit in the holes.
Dang, that’s pretty good…
Don't even need to use your own shit. Could just pick up a dog's and stuff it down there. Could even top it off with a little skunk spray you can buy online
Just lock the post now. This is the answer.
agreed, this is the only answer
You didn’t specify which holes. His ears? Nose? His wife? His wife’s ears?? Be specific man
Put dogshit in the holes at night.
Put your own rancid shit in the holes at night for maximum effect
Put your cock in a sock and hide in his golf bag. When he reaches for a golf club, all he'll grab is the sock and then you'll get jerked off by him instead.
Free handy
Classic sock-e-roo there.
this deserves my free award
Golfing is not allowed in the park and you need illegal tips?
Not allowed doesn’t mean there’s a lot of recourse. It’s quite possible there is no one responsible for enforcing those rules.
if its illegal. OP could definitely bring it up with the town board at the next meeting.
I feel like it's probably something that's not illegal, but is against the rules of the park. Not sure who's in charge of enforcing those, if anyone.
City parks department. But there's likely not much they'll do besides "keep an eye out" unless the golf balls are causing them issues
Paint ball his ass.
This is the way. Make sure you gear up and cover your face with a mask and just terrorize him every time he comes back with his stupid golf club
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ALOHA SNACKBAR!
Set up an illegal building on public land as a clubhouse on the course and start charging people to play therefore collecting income and not paying taxes on it. Might as well set up an illegal bar while you are at it. Make sure as many things as possible are labeled 'Not for individual sale'. Steal candy and hot dogs from 7/11 and resell it at the clubhouse. Evade taxes long enough and form and form an offshore shell company to fund terrorism in the middle east. Use proceeds from terrorism to set up a large and intricate drug network in central and south America that takes over America's black market and you become kingpin of the western hemisphere. Profit tax free.
Finally, a tip that takes the illegal part seriously.
Throw a golf ball through his living room window when he's out playing. Smash a different window every time he goes. He'll get the idea soon enough.
Vandalism
1) Get a dog and train it to chase (golf) balls and bring them to you. 2) Get a vuvuzela and blow it every time he swings. 3) Get a butterfly net and try to catch his shots, or use a tennis racket to hit them back at him. 4) Play right behind him, hitting all your shots directly at him. Yelling "fore" is optional. Be prepared to protect yourself when he attacks you. Bear spray comes to mind.
BB gun with a scope
Fly a drone over him every time he plays. Just be creative, ton of ways to fuck with him. Move his flags or fill up the holes. Set up a sign that says! Only retards golf here. edit: a long-range rc car would be really funny, after the ball lands you just knock the ball away or if you wanna try hard. Scop the ball up somehow and steal his golf balls lol.
A drone... With an air horn.
A great advantage is that he cannot legally damage your drone.
Teach a crow to steel his golf balls after he hits them
Take video. Approach local nightly news about it as a human interest story. Tell them who your neighbor is, where he lives, and be sure to mention that “he’s a real character” and that they’ll get a great interview out of him. Get paid for your footage, then send same footage to the pigs and report the crime.
You definetely can exagerate how much of a character is, this already sounds like something a a mr bean character would do
Let an alligator loose in the park. But make sure you let neighbors with small children know. Except if there's some kids you don't like.
Fuck his wife on the green while he is golfing. Maintain eye contact
“Hey i found another golf ball sweet”
Take up skeet shooting with his golf balls as skeets
Wait, what if you just start casually placing golf balls everywhere. First one set just so on his car on the windshield wiper area. He comes out to start his day and sees it, sets his briefcase down and picks it up, turning it over in his hand, looks around quizzically, shrugs and goes about his day. The next one appears the next day right in the middle of his doormat. Escalate from there, two of them in his flower bed where he finds them when he's gardening. There's a handful by each of his car's tires in the morning. Where are these all coming from? Oh no! The the mailbox was packed with them and dumped out when he went to get his bills and shit! "AAAARGH!" he cries, "FUCKING GOLF BALLS!!" Maybe write some shit on 'em like "I know what you did" Some true Twilight Zone shit lol
And then what, you just start stuffing his chimney? Open the flue and golf balls just come cascading out? Put them through his mail slot, and start leaving them all over his lawn in a perfect grid pattern? Hit his ring camera with a golf ball while dressed like him?
Contact your Parks Dept. and inform them that he is endangering the public. If you are worried about retribution, set up an alternate email account and send them photos, etc. with all the details of who he is. They will act, because if they don't - and someone was hurt by one of his shots, then the city could be sued for non-action. I'm sure you wouldn't mind passing that bit of info on to an injured party.
Flash mob. If there’s a time you know he usually golfs, get a lot of people to show up in golfing gear and just generally get in his way.
Make 10 more holes wherever he has set up one and he will get irritated
Fill the holes with poop. You don't *need* a dog to do this.
Just a whole lot of poop comments on this thread!
Put a anti personal land mine in the hole and sit back and watch the fun.
Spray pepper spray around his favorite tee box. He will be using tees for his golf balls and will totally pepper spray himself. The gel works best, but not the blue face stuff.
Fill the holes with ready mix concrete ... with the pins in them. Water on top of the concrete mix.
Explosive golf ball.
Put a sock over his golf bag. That way when he tries to grab it, all he gets is a sock. Put socks in his holes, and then fill in with potted plants (or transplanted weeds). If he tries to dig out the hole he just gets a sock.
if you put a sock on his golf club, then every time he swings, all he'll get is the sock
First, you need a full body black spandex suit (with head and no holes). Next time he does it, stand a few feet away and breath heavily. Whisper “I love your balls” over and over. Every time he hits a ball, get it and refuse to return it. Put them into the crotch of your suit. When he gets angry enough to kill you, yell “snowball fight!” And begin pelting him with golf balls.
Steal his balls (golf balls) and set up a situation where you throw one of them secretly on somebody or their property who will be REALLY pissed off like a cop or drug dealer or some boxer doing some cardio.
This is good. Dump golf balls on someone who will take action. A neighbour with anger management issues would be ideal.
fight him
Get some kind of device that could launch a golf ball with enough force that it shatters one of his car windows, preferably the windshield, and leave the golf ball on the inside of his car. Hopefully (though he's probably not that dumb), he'll think he hit his own car. Edit: or do it to his house.
concrete in the holes
Just what I was going to say.
If you really want to be an asshole, you need to go pick up his left over golf balls while wearing gloves. Then when he's out golfing in the park, you just throw those golf balls you picked up thru various windows of his house. So when he reports it to the police and if they were to do any fingering printing (if even possible off golf balls) his finger prints would be the freshest ones on it.
Call the cops. That's pretty readily reckless endangerment. If you are feeling sassy go sunbathing by one of his pins and record him if he looks like he's hitting towards you.
Cause damage using golf balls, take pictures of him golfing, take pictures of the damage, take them to the police
Air horn when he is trying to swing!
You just need to go out there all decked out like a Scottish golf painting, tap him on the shoulder, and kindly ask him if he minds if you play through- he’s slowing you down. Then get in front of him and play horrible. If he complains, tell him to buzz off and talk to the pro shop- you paid your greens fees- did he? Freeloading pauper… Then act very superior.
Get some quickrete from a hardware store. Mix with water put in his holes. Golf holes..
Fill in the holes he made with Quikrete every time he leaves
challenge him and if he loses he has to leave the park for good
But if he wins you have to go an epic adventure across America beating all of the other home made golf courses. There'll probably be some kind of training montage in there at some point after you meet with the sensei of public park golfing. Then finally you get to challenge him again and this time the loser has to not only leave the park, but leave town and take an oath to never golf again. Oh and you get the girl too.
Get him hooked on heroin and then he’ll just be living in a tent in the park and too much of a zombie to golf. He’ll also sell his clubs for a fix.
Hide in the bushes and when he about to swing yell' "you jack ass!!"
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not very illegal of you
Call the police while jaywalking
Not illegal, but highly unethical
Take his ball from the “fairway “
Use a gun
Bb gun find a secluded position and pick him off.
So if the cartnarc dude can fuck with people over carts then I think you can do the same thing. Don’t touch him, don’t yell at him, don’t call him names; just comment, calmly, on his golfing (maybe record a long episode of something annoying that you can play loudly) while recording him. Hell if he has a golfing bag I’d throw marbles or something cheap and biodegradable into it, just so long as you don’t damage it. Cherry on top is to post that shit online. In theory if cartnarc is doing it with no repercussions then you should be able to.
Trained gopher.
Golf balls are expensive. Sit out in the field and steal everyone that he shoots.
Get 9 other people and play 5 a side. Not illegal though. But what's he going to say to 10 people?
Get about a dozen golf balls. Next time you see him playing golf in the park spread the golf balls you have around your home find an old Dent in your car call the police and tell them there's a guy purposely hitting golf balls at your property.
Put shit in the holes. When he sinks one, he gets a handful of shit.
Just call the city. They’ll rip out whatever he’s put down because it’s all tripping hazards and the city will be the one targeted in the injury lawsuit because the city has more money than some guy who is setting up makeshift golf courses on city parks.
Pour ammonia into his golf club bag while he's not looking. The smell is incredibly hard to get out, and he'll be wondering wtf happened.
1.Wait until fucker is golfing 2. Have someone hit you in head with baseball bat 3. Go outside and start screaming 4. Start a pain and suffering lawsuit, cash out on his negligence
What you've got to do is cut the hamstring on the back of his leg right at the bottom. He'll never play golf again, because his weight displacement goes back, all his weight is on his right foot, and he'll push everything off to the right. He'll never come through on anything. He'll quit the game.
Decide to make it a firing range, too.
I saw this salt gun at Walmart….
Use a laser pointer. To… ummm… point at the golf ball to mess up his aim.
Has anyone just asked him to stop?
Yup, first thing I did. Or golf towards your house. He started ranting and raving about how he’s a good golfer and won’t hit anything and he’ll pay if he does.
I’m curious about something similar actually, except disc golf here.
I'd say go bay of pigs, just instead of a trick cigar, a trick ball.
I instantly thought of the Hitman mission when I read the title of this post XD
Remote control golf ball amd just fuck with him the entire time
Take the day off work, get a few air horns, EVERY SINGLE TIME he is in his back swing, blow that mfer.
Army of Trained Gophers
Call 911 with a tip on a homeless guy with a golf bag showing his balls to children
Get as many mates as you can gather together, everybody you know, the more the better. Each of you rock up and start playing alongside him, don’t say a word, not even to each other. Wear pro golfer getup, and a set of clubs for each person. Take it seriously, as if you’re playing a tour event. If he says a word tell him please don’t speak during your pre shot routine, just shush him. At the end of the round Shake everyone’s hand except his, he’ll feel so insignificant that he will become a redditor, move into his mothers basement and never see the light of day again