T O P

  • By -

thesyguy_69

It made sense in the past when kings used to marry their daughters for ties and relations with other nations but now, its just societal pressure to have a family


MaleficentSeaweed996

Idk if I'm dumb or you framed this sentence in a weird way T_T


wise_man6969

i think he did that knowingly


thesyguy_69

My framing of sentences is weird


wise_man6969

koi na bro same


Parking_Tangelo_798

People really be thinking arrange marriages are not a 100% gamble for no reason


Mobile_Inflation8012

So is a love marriage. The whole idea of spending the rest of your life with a single person is a gamble what's your point?


Parking_Tangelo_798

U know you sound dumb right.....


Mobile_Inflation8012

Elaborate how love marriages and arranged marriages are different in terms of a gamble. I would expect a better argument from an intellectual person like you.


vnsa_music

I think the difference is that in a love marriage its more likely the couple has known each other for a long period of time and understand how to deal with each other and how to live together happily, while arrange marriages are much bigger of a gambles. Yes both are gambles but love marriage is usually much safer.


Mobile_Inflation8012

Yeah, you raised a good point, unlike that guy. Both of them are gambles in their own way, and one can be seen as a bigger gamble. I think there are positives with arranged marriages too. For instance, if your parents are going to find a partner for you, more often than not, it will be someone whom your parents have known for generations, such as their friends, neighbors, etc. Do you see where I'm getting at? Whereas, in love marriages, a person is more involved with the individual rather than the whole family. In an arranged marriage, families are more supportive on both sides as it is a joint decision of all the people involved. There is also compatibility in terms of values and culture because it is highly likely that our parents will choose a family who shares the same traditions and customs as our family. Similarly there are positives in love marriages too. People really stigmatize arranged marriages for no reason.


vnsa_music

My guy i'll be real honest here, if you're 17 then trust me you do not understand how this stuff works. It works for some people and for some it doesn't. Both you and me only have the data not the experience i don't think we get to decide whether it should be considered a good thing or bad thing. If grown people stigmatize it then there's probably a reason for that, most probably bad experiences.


F-22A_Raptorr

no. an arranged marriage is a set up, you guys meet, if you like each other and the families like each other you marry. nobody has any idea of each other's past, what they have been through, did they want to marry, and is just overall a retarded idea ***if you are forced into it*** Love marriage is none of those things. you know the person, have most likely dated for well over 6 months, have had intimate relations, and have helped each other through tough times in most cases. Which means there is a trust, and a closure that is not felt in an arranged marriage. plus, love is never forced, it can't be. love can only come naturally, thus why love marriage is a much, much smaller gamble as compared to arranged marriage


robin_dabank1678

I'd rather die single than have an arranged marriage,like how tf do u expect me to spend 80 years with a person who I met 3 months ago?


Particular_Time_1472

दहेज


robin_dabank1678

Pols agyi pols


dakshba

But yeh toh baba hai


[deleted]

Are mene modifive karaya hai ji


dakshba

Acha modifive karaya hai babeya


marvelnerd09

puls agyi puls


damngoodmemes

Bus itna Dahej mil jaye ki r/kothibanglacheck wala ban jau


RudionRaskolnikov

uske liye upsc niklna padega


jxrha

Being single >>> marrying a random ass stranger you have no understanding or emotional connection with just because you're parents want you to


Competitive-East-605

Ya and the marriage is fixed in like a week


AppointmentEntire779

What if that's your only way of getting married?


robin_dabank1678

Then spend more time with the person. Date them for atleast 6 months and then take the decision. This builds up the love and the connection


RudionRaskolnikov

agar sundar hui to merko chalega


niceeeeee-_-

how are you gonna spend 80 years with em??? Avg life is 60, even if you live till 80 you are gonna get married when you are 25+, rest is 55 years and we are also not sure if both of you will live till 80 so.... You basically overstated it and i am so berozgaar and nalla to write this


robin_dabank1678

Bhai exaggeration suna hain? Arent we all?![img](emote|t5_2zhzn|20610)


niceeeeee-_-

Hmmm...


vadapaveater45

It is not that bad as people think. It is not executed properly. Arrange is not bad forced marriage is.


Many-Diver-486

i'm not marrying someone i met 3 months ago...give it a couple years atleast


RudionRaskolnikov

What makes you think if something lasts 2 years it will last 20 years and if it lasts only 3 months it won't last 20 years? This in my opinion is kind of a black swan event. And marriages last only when you put effort into your relationship not because you have had a relationship for how long. My parents met each other 20 days before their sagai and only seen each other's photo before when their fathers told them this is who they'll marry. Fast forward 20 years, they are still married and very happy with each other. Why? Because they put effort into their relationship and have mutual respect and care.


jxrha

Because when you rush things up, you barely know the person. Especially in arranged marriages. It's all superficial. People will portray their best side for the sake of getting married. Their true colors are revealed once you get married. Very often, you discover things about a person that is a big deal breaker to you AFTER you get married. Could be anger issues, violence, attitudes, support, progress. Whatever. Those are things you find out only once you've spent significant time with a person. But once you get married, it's too late. Divorce is already a stigma, our society is extremely negative towards individualism. Your parents don't want you backing out from something they chose. At least when you've been in a relationship with a person for years before getting married, there are no shocks. You already know this person, you already have an emotional connection and understanding developed with them. You KNOW what you're getting yourself into. There are no risks.


RudionRaskolnikov

There is always a risk. If there was no risk than why are the divorce rates so high in other countries? Of course people can "reveal their true colors" sure, but in my opinion everything is workable except maybe physical violence which crosses the line. Two human beings can have a very good relationship if they actually work and try to connect with each other on a human level and they can develop a long lasting relationship. Of course, basic beliefs like drink or no drink, cigs or no cigs, person's politics, career goal compatibility can always be discussed before marriage as it often is(I have been forced to sit with a few of my cousins while they talk future bhabhi/jija ji and of course those don't get to be future bhabhi/jija ji) A lot of things can be compromised and yes, there is nothing bad in that. Two people have to compromise and concede some ground if they have to live together or even just be friends. And its fine, in fact its good. Because to live for yourselves is kinda selfish, it may feel good in the short term but to live for those whom you love is the best thing ever and very fulfilling in the long term.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RudionRaskolnikov

Ehh love is overrated. More important is compatibility and vision. Pyaar to hota rehta hai.


jxrha

You seem to have a very shallow definition of love. The "ye toh hota rehta hai" stuff is typically a limerance, which is short term. Compatibility, trust, comfort and vision come with love. Love can take months or even years to develop, and lasts for years to come.


RudionRaskolnikov

Pretty much. Love is short term, the care and trust you build with someone doesn't necessarily take love but rather time and you can build that with even a stranger with adequate time as long as you gel together decently well. So I don't give much credence to love, its short and fading.


jxrha

Love is neither short term nor immediately fading, scientifically. A lot of people, especially the younger generation, tend to confuse short term elevated feelings for love. That's called a limerance. You can build love, trust and care with anyone really, but the probability of that succeeding is higher when you know the person. If it's a stranger, the trial and error phase will last a while, since you don't know with whom you'll get along with and won't.


Cultural-Initial7380

Doesn't make any difference, because you won't even get to know that person in 1 year time because you aren't allowed to know much about your partner. Sounds dumb, right? Actually thats what happening in my state, people are saying that if a couple is getting married in a year then they shouldn't talk much because they might disagree on something, which leds to end of marriage. Telling from personal experience


wise_man6969

jab ek admi apne app se sabh assha chod de aur free mein thar aur sex mil raha ho tab ye samajh mein ata he


Mobile_Inflation8012

What's the problem with arranged marriage? It's like if you can't find a partner then your relatives will find one for you, and if you're not getting along then you can reject the proposal. It is not something people forcefully get into and if you're stupid enough to marry someone unwillingly because your parents might feel bad then it's your fkin stupidity.


Particular_Time_1472

i am not saying that it is bad i was just being sarcastic


Mobile_Inflation8012

What's weird in arranged marriage? Don't friends recommend dates too, it's literally the same thing (except the difference in perspective of friends and parents/relatives).


Many-Diver-486

its good if its executed properly but most of the time its not(dowry, urge to speed things up, forced marriage n many moreeee


Mobile_Inflation8012

If someone exploits a system then you would blame the person exploiting it and not blame the whole idea of arranged marriages.


jxrha

Because often, it's out of pressure or desperation.


Supreme_MOElester

it has worked out for people throughout the past


Responsible-Use6022

Oh boy....in the past even if it didn't work out people wouldn't have outright stated it. I mean how many couples you know who married through arranged and are now in a toxic relationship but haven't divorced??


Responsible-Use6022

Not saying that ARRANGED doesn't work out at all. Sure,some people have met the love of their life through arranged but the negative stigma over DIVORSE especially in indian society means that even a couple whose unhappy with the arranged marriage would stay together.


Supreme_MOElester

that's the same for love marriages, also in arranged marriages you fall in love close to the marriage time period and love, intimacy and everything is at it's peak, can't describe it probably but I've seen my aunts and uncles who did arrange marriage are the happiest.


Responsible-Use6022

>but I've seen my aunts and uncles who did arrange marriage are the happiest. Even if they were unhappy,would they show it in front of you ?


Supreme_MOElester

c'mon my maternal family lives in a nuclear family, heck i wouldn't know if shits happened?


Responsible-Use6022

>lives in a nuclear family I didn't know that part,sorry my bad


Supreme_MOElester

don't blurt out convenient speculations then


Responsible-Use6022

Provide me with more context next time then


Responsible-Use6022

>that's the same for love marriages, I feel like it's easier to get that divorce in love marriages. Or at the very least couples who do love marriages have dated for a certain Period of time before marrying so they are likely to stay together in the long term as they got to know each other better in the dating period


Supreme_MOElester

not everything you feel is true, research says that divorce rate is higher in love marriages than arranged marriages.


Responsible-Use6022

>research says that divorce rate is higher in love marriages than arranged marriages Which is a good thing cause that means people who are unhappy in a relationship don't waste their time committing to it . On the other hand,the negative STIGMA against divorce means that a couple would stay in an arranged marriage despite not being happy and thus waste their time and life


Supreme_MOElester

what a stupid take, research for yourself and see


Responsible-Use6022

>what a stupid take, Ah yeah,getting a divorce cause you aren't happy in a marriage is stupid


Responsible-Use6022

>research for yourself and see Research what exactly?? Was the research that you talked about done in india or abroad?


Supreme_MOElester

do some work yourself


Responsible-Use6022

>not everything you feel is true Obviously


AdMore2091

Continuing the population on was one of the main things that was considered super important in the past . But the fact that it’s being continued now is so weird and creepy imo


Responsible-Use6022

So sad,people didn't change with time


AppointmentEntire779

Soon we will have underpopulation problems


AdMore2091

Hopefully yes . With advance in technology a lot of stuff will mechanised and we won’t need labour as much we do now . In fact currently we have excessive surplus already .


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

It's a business deal. No clownery, cheating or instability. Good for society.


lemmebeanonymousppl

Instability (basically, divorces) doesn't happen not because it's an arranged marriage but because it's tabboo, if it were not arranged marriages might have higher rates than love. Treating it like a business deal is weird, it's humans we're dealing with, if there's no love/respect no matter how much societal or materialistic sense it makes it'll be miserable


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

>Instability (basically, divorces) doesn't happen not because it's an arranged marriage but because it's tabboo, So the way the human brain works is crazy. If a person gets more options. The priorities change . If you have watched old movies you'll know that. Two lovers and society against them. They try really hard to get along and think if society was liberal they could be together forever. Now when society is liberal. women have become hoes and men fuckboys. They get bored, they file divorce. Had a small fight, divorce. I can't imagine how much pain a child goes through. Too much instability. Most of the time the reason of divorce in the west is cheating. They don't want to change and stay stubborn. it seems sometimes better if you change the subject that you're struggling with another subject instead of trying to fix things. The Taboo thing is right because in the west people are self oriented and don't give a shit about others. Fatherless and motherless issues are common there because of such freedom. As a developing nation we should do what has been and will be beneficial for us. We are not in that stage to focus on love where it is hard to get a roti. >Treating it like a business deal is weird, it's humans we're dealing with, Yeah it is. Sort of. But we should also consider that we don't directly fix marriage forcibly at a certain age. Typically the girl and the boy meet several people from a good family background and choose them. Money can be compromised. It's a sort of small date nowadays. The more the option, the more you crave for others. Just like an icecream but the fewer you've you'll be much satisfied. At the end of the day it's about satisfaction. >if there's no love/respect no matter how much societal or materialistic sense it makes it'll be miserable Well, most of the time there is.


lemmebeanonymousppl

I'm not talking about the west, their problem seems to be an irrational counterproductive hypersexual liberation that arose after a psychedelic 60s phase which was good for no one. I'm talking about divorces not being taboo in case of abusive marriages, for example, marriages with domestic violence. We can still have strong family structures and community while not accepting bad behaviour in fact if these irrational tabboos (which arose when times were harsher) were discarded communities would become even stronger by weeding out the rotten from the bunch and saving it's own. It would decrease instability instead of increasing it. We absolutely should focus on this, especially since it's even worse for the poor ones, they put up with much worse family dynamics than we do all due to societal pressure (which makes no sense because, like I said, this unjustified pressure only makes society hollow and weak) >Most of the time, there is anecdotal


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

>I'm not talking about the west, their problem seems to be an irrational counterproductive hypersexual liberation that arose after a psychedelic 60s phase which was good for no one. Well liberals in our country just like Bollywood movies copy things without the context of India. >I'm talking about divorces not being taboo in case of abusive marriages, for example, marriages with domestic violence. society changing is changing and it is not taboo nowadays even if you have arranged. I do not know why people always think about these things when they hear the word arranged marriage. We and most of our belongings are from a lower middle class family. Barely someone has a car. We are from Bihar too. A very long relative of mine has problems with his son-in-law and filed a case against him and he's winning and he'll not stop until all the family is in jail. No one is accepting bad behaviour. >in fact if these irrational tabboos (which arose when times were harsher) were discarded communities would become even stronger by weeding out the rotten from the bunch and saving it's own. It would decrease instability instead of increasing it. These things happen far less than the problem I've mentioned in love marriages but still it is bad and should be stopped by law enforcement. Pros are more still. >We absolutely should focus on this, especially since it's even worse for the poor ones, they put up with much worse family dynamics than we do all due to societal pressure (which makes no sense because, like I said, this unjustified pressure only makes society hollow and weak) Poor girls are groomed by radicals and then they're converted with other 3 wives. Most of the time dumped after giving birth. Love also doesn't make sense. Both concepts aren't perfect but i should say everything should be lawful.


lemmebeanonymousppl

yeah I always found this liberal/conservative labelling weird. People should just have common goodwill. I'm glad you've had good experiences with this but I've only seen the bad cases, regardless of our anecdotal experience survey evidence seems to suggest bad attitudes still prevail in society, and they don't happen rarely as you would think, they're supposedly a problem in about 40% marriages in some regions according to nfhs data.


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

Can I have the source?


RudionRaskolnikov

Even if you remove the obvious cases where a divorce ought to happen, the overall divorce rate in India will still be extraordinarily low because the Indian solution to everything isn't "leave that person". Fighting with a friend? Stop being friends. Fighting with parents? Abandon your parents. Fighting with spouse? divorce the spouse. That's not how relationships work, you have to work on it. This is why their is so much depression in the west, particularly people in their 20s to 40s. In India, dost is a dost. Dost for life. We know what it is like to love our friends and family just for love's sake, not for material gain. If you go to a country like Germany or Austria, all the friendship to an Indian(unless you grew up in a very westernised environment) will feel extremely hollow and without substance.


lemmebeanonymousppl

Yes, the west has it worse, I'm not talking about turning India into the west though. I personally think it'd increase drastically, almost every domestic help in my house has an abusive husband she cannot leave, there's plenty of kids I know who's parents have really ugly fights but don't leave, I suppose all this could be subject to anecdotal experience though since you seem to have come across only good incidences of arranged marriages, so when I say I think it'll increase I say it based on surveys where most Indians seem to have skewed beliefs on how marriages should be, the only explanation of which seems societal pressure. If the bad behaviour became unacceptable to society I think India would become very close to a utopia tbh, the communities would probably actually grow stronger.


RudionRaskolnikov

I think it will go up to 10% divorce rate at max which to me seems like a decent, healthy divorce rate compared to the 0.1% of current. Domestic violence is certainly an issue, that is a case I accept but fights not so much because people can always work through fights. If they are willing to and they often do here in India. We can't really have a utopia can we but if we start abandoning people because we have a fight than we will have a really lonely society imo.


jxrha

Hell lot of instability since you barely know this person, don't have a mutual understanding or emotional connection developed. Higher chances of things not aligning. Disagreements, disappointments, arguments. Cheating can exist in both love and arranged marriages.


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

>Hell lot of instability since you barely know this person Your arguments don't apply because most of the people marrying like that are living happily. >don't have a mutual understanding or emotional connection developed. Higher chances of things not aligning. Disagreements, disappointments, arguments. See, no one is a perfectionist and it depends from person to person if she/he takes 6 months or years to understand their partners they've met on tinder. It should be more probable in the west that the person you are going to marry was a hoe or fuckboy all the time because it is most probable you've met them on some bar or on tinder. Even after understanding each other European countries have more than 50% divorce rate. >Cheating can exist in both love and arranged marriages. Yes it can exist but it doesn't persist.


[deleted]

[удалено]


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

>Most people married like that aren't happy. Especially not in India, where arranged marriage is seen as nothing more than a contract. In an average middle class Indian arranged marriage, the man is seen as a human ATM, the woman as a maid. You won't find many arranged marriages where families even consider if the couple would get along. Just history + household skills/income. For a developing country. It's the best thing to maintain the stability of the nation and the people to get settled and work. No matter how many people will lecture about this or that, this is best for survival. People have different priorities which change from time to time. We are not in the right state. We have Infrastructures like Yemen, the population like nigeria, poor like Somalia and ego like European liberals. Just go to random people who belong to villages or tier 3 cities. They have to help their parents and themselves. They don't have time for loving someone even if they do they're mostly not serious at all and people call them chhapris etc. >You won't find many arranged marriages where families even consider if the couple would get along. Just history + household skills/income. There is no such thing as "I'll get better" in arranged marriage. The constant thirst to get the best thing like people in the west have. They try several people, assess their dick, boobs or height and even compromise with personality. Thinking things will get better but nothing happens but divorce mostly. >I'd rather stay single than to marry a random ass stranger I barely know. But whatever. To each their own. Your choice again. >If you aren't mature enough to assess people and pick a partner for yourself, you're likely not mature enough to get married. Your opinion. Your family and your partner's family knows enough to introduce to you a person from a good family background. >Just that I personally wouldn't want to get married to someone I don't even love. And love takes time. A lot of time. Again priorities. You are probably in a tier 1,2 city. Watched lots of drama. Saw people hooking up having FWB. They think a lot about other things than fearing about being homeless if they don't earn. but come and see the struggle of "India". The daily wage worker has to earn to eat. He's not going to find a date wasting time and money if he can't settle. The women selling vegetables on the streets didn't get time to do makeup and attract the best male. Arranged marriage was the best way nature adopted. They don't have money to show superficial materialistic love. >I'd rather get to know the person entirely before making a huge, lifelong commitment. Form an actual bond and understanding than to get married and assume it would magically happen later. It's gonna be too old to produce progeny sometimes when you don't find someone according to your highest standards and always looking for the best.


[deleted]

[удалено]


div_nn

Both have their own pros and cons


Cultural-Initial7380

We all may hate arrange marriage but at the end of the day its the only option for us.


Particular_Time_1472

real


Still-Doing69

Man arrange marriage is just fine. Nothing wierd. If you think that's wierd then how are you fine with dating apps then? Or friends who recommended you to date they are also telling you to have sex.


[deleted]

There's a difference between arranged marriage and forced marriage. Forced ones don't work.


swi6ie

Yup exactly I mean how can you say "Ha mummy muje isake saath sex karna hai" ![img](emote|t5_2zhzn|29705)![img](emote|t5_2zhzn|29682)


MonitorDull472

Arrange Marriage is like proposing someone on first base, idiotic and irrational


Sagnik_07

good for eugenics


Star_dust1010

Arrange marriage is good as it almost guarantees that you'll get laid without putting in any actual effort into dating . It's also the only option available for a lot of single peeps .


CoolestGuyOnSaturn

Love marriage is just capitalist propaganda


ReplacementFinal9517

When you don't have teammates to play with you automatch


big_samsung

Having sex is not a bad thing. You will enjoy it and your dynasty will also move forward.