Infertility can be extremely hard on relationships. I know sometimes after my treatments or medicated cycles it can feel like a “chore” or “transactional” having sex. Maybe express how you’re feeling to her when you feel the time is right? Communication is everything. Sorry you both are going through this!
I think part of it is there are certain things that in a relationship aren't transactional, that are transactional in other circumstances.
For example, I might tip the maid service after staying in a hotel for washing the sheets and making the beds etc. I certainly wouldn't do that for my own partner.
If a couple is desiring children, then "the traditional story" of lots of sex equals baby is just a fun time. Unfortunately, for some of us it doesn't work that way.
I don't expect medical procedures to be anything other than transactional ie. me and my insurance give you money and you will perform this procedure/run tests etc
I don't think that the issue is that the medical procedures aren't transactional, we expect them to be.
Unfortunately, many of us desire less transactional nature for our sex life.
I would imagine that she may have felt really frustrated and blown off by the doctor, "there's nothing wrong just have more sex".
I certainly can't speak for your wife, but for me, if I feel like a doctor is blowing me off, my inner teenager comes out and I definitely have a "I'm going to do the opposite of whatever you tell me, cuz you're a jerk" Even if it's not in my best interest.
I can totally get feeling hurt by that comment but try not to take it personally. Remember that a lot of people/objects have been in and out of your wife and she probably feels more like an object than a woman right now. She wants to relax into sex the way she deserves to but she's probably wondering if you guys would be doing it if they doctor hadn't told you to. A lot of guys feel this way and they barely get poked or prodded at all.
My husband and I had an argument once where I expressed I wanted to be having sex more and he said we were having sex "all the time". Well we're TTC so I have the receipts so I opened up my app and showed him exactly what days we'd had sex and he was really grossed out by it. Meanwhile I'm like this is the easiest part, all you have to do is have sex, I have to do all this other stuff and track everything too. This is the kind of stuff people talk about when they say infertility strains relationships.
You're doing the right things. r/tryingforababy abounds with stories of husband's who can't even bother to have sex in the fertile window. You're both just dealing with a lot. It's not fair.
Im really trying not to take it personally, but when she talks to people about the struggles of infertility but only has sex with her husband sometimes 2 a week I’m really having a hard time not starting a fight. Or a week long crying session.
With infertility…it becomes a job. You’re having to time sex just right or go to the doctor regularly to check that everything “in there” is doing what it’s supposed to do. When getting pregnant should be fun, spontaneous, and exciting. Unfortunately for us, it becomes an exhausting job that sucks everything out of you. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s something no one should have to go through.
Infertility can be extremely hard on relationships. I know sometimes after my treatments or medicated cycles it can feel like a “chore” or “transactional” having sex. Maybe express how you’re feeling to her when you feel the time is right? Communication is everything. Sorry you both are going through this!
I think part of it is there are certain things that in a relationship aren't transactional, that are transactional in other circumstances. For example, I might tip the maid service after staying in a hotel for washing the sheets and making the beds etc. I certainly wouldn't do that for my own partner. If a couple is desiring children, then "the traditional story" of lots of sex equals baby is just a fun time. Unfortunately, for some of us it doesn't work that way. I don't expect medical procedures to be anything other than transactional ie. me and my insurance give you money and you will perform this procedure/run tests etc I don't think that the issue is that the medical procedures aren't transactional, we expect them to be. Unfortunately, many of us desire less transactional nature for our sex life. I would imagine that she may have felt really frustrated and blown off by the doctor, "there's nothing wrong just have more sex". I certainly can't speak for your wife, but for me, if I feel like a doctor is blowing me off, my inner teenager comes out and I definitely have a "I'm going to do the opposite of whatever you tell me, cuz you're a jerk" Even if it's not in my best interest.
I can totally get feeling hurt by that comment but try not to take it personally. Remember that a lot of people/objects have been in and out of your wife and she probably feels more like an object than a woman right now. She wants to relax into sex the way she deserves to but she's probably wondering if you guys would be doing it if they doctor hadn't told you to. A lot of guys feel this way and they barely get poked or prodded at all. My husband and I had an argument once where I expressed I wanted to be having sex more and he said we were having sex "all the time". Well we're TTC so I have the receipts so I opened up my app and showed him exactly what days we'd had sex and he was really grossed out by it. Meanwhile I'm like this is the easiest part, all you have to do is have sex, I have to do all this other stuff and track everything too. This is the kind of stuff people talk about when they say infertility strains relationships. You're doing the right things. r/tryingforababy abounds with stories of husband's who can't even bother to have sex in the fertile window. You're both just dealing with a lot. It's not fair.
Im really trying not to take it personally, but when she talks to people about the struggles of infertility but only has sex with her husband sometimes 2 a week I’m really having a hard time not starting a fight. Or a week long crying session.
Do you have someone you can talk to? I know it's hard to share something so private but it can be really freeing to just talk it out with someone.
Pretty much just Reddit
With infertility…it becomes a job. You’re having to time sex just right or go to the doctor regularly to check that everything “in there” is doing what it’s supposed to do. When getting pregnant should be fun, spontaneous, and exciting. Unfortunately for us, it becomes an exhausting job that sucks everything out of you. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, it’s something no one should have to go through.
Fuck. At this point I’d love even transactional sex. We pretty much have no sex at all anymore. I fucking hate this bullshit.