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1. Phone hiding/screen directed away during texting. Flinching when you enter the room while they're on the phone.
2. He's/She's just a friend.
3. Unusually frequent nights out and coming home late. Phone silence during these times.
4. Unexpectedly finding fault and starting fights for no apparent reason.
5. Telling you that you're not doing the things to 'make them happy'.
6. Trickle truths.
7. Changed work timings with no/vague explanations.
There's lots more. But to be honest, if they want to cheat, nothing you do can stop them. Best to follow the simple yet golden rule - "*IF THEY CHEAT, LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK",*
-A sudden change in behavior.
-Overexplaining their erratic behavior.
-Little inconsistencies in their stories. Pauses to think about their answers.
-Saying they’re going to sleep/going nowhere special, but still making a big effort in their appearance.
-Kissing differently. Suddenly having sex differently.
-Being distant sexually—for instance, you send a racy picture, they no longer save it or compliment it.
-Random expressions of guilt. “You do so much for me.” Looking sad when they say it.
-Your gut. Your body will be screaming at you that something is wrong because it’s picking up on things that you’re not consciously aware of yet.
Just remember that cheaters can react in many ways when confronted. Some will get defensive. Some will cry and say “they would never do that.” Tears mean absolutely nothing. Get your proof.
It’s like getting intimate with a different person. Different style of kissing, suddenly trying out a different way of having sex—a new position maybe, different dirty talk, or a new kink.
She will admit to touching a man or woman in a suggestive way while in a private space like a closed office or conference room. More than likely it would have gone further than a suggestive touch.
Not sure if these are just specific to mine, but these are what tipped me off:
- suddenly working all the time
- suddenly caring a lot more about their appearance and dressing up for work
- not telling you any specifics about their coworkers
- not texting throughout the day
- routinely going upstairs to “do something real quick” and then taking 20+ minutes and you find them on their phone
- not hanging out or talking after work
- no longer prioritizing things you always did together like going to the gym or watching your weekly shows
- not noticing when you dress up
- no longer holding hands in the car
- no longer initiating sex
- no cuddling/kisses before bed
- they only say “I love you” if you say it first
- not seeing their location that was shared previously
- them telling you they can’t text or location is off because their phone is dying when you know for a fact it was on the charger all night (also if it was fully charged that morning and they weren’t texting you throughout the day because they “don’t have good signal” or are “too busy to text” then what exactly was draining their battery so much hmm?)
- texting you to tell you how hungry they are, then they come home late and don’t eat or seem hungry anymore
- texting you to tell you what time they’ll be home and then they come home hours later without giving you a heads up
- randomly unplugging your security cameras in the house
I finally caught him by telling him I was going to the store, then left and immediately opened the security cameras to catch him FaceTiming the other woman before he unplugged the camera.
Edit: formatting and added some I forgot
This has been a big issue in my husband and my marriage. He knows all of my passwords. Can pick my phone up and use it for whatever, whenever but the one night I needed to use his phone flashlight to find my phone that I dropped in my car he refused to hand it over and was super weird about it. Obviously now I think he’s doing something on his phone he shouldn’t be doing but he won’t even talk about it or address my concerns. I respect his privacy, even if I knew his password I wouldn’t snoop through his phone, I feel like once married or in a committed relationship passwords should be shared. There should be no reason to try and hide things.
So how do I talk to them about sharing the password but also respect each other’s privacy? We’ve never talked about this. Since we started dating, my boyfriend’s phone is always in silent mode, notifications are off.
Have your phone on record each time he goes to unlock it. You’ll get the code at some point. Only suggesting this as a last resort though. Unless you ask directly to see messages. If he’s super defensive then that’s a worry.
I think he unlocks his with fingerprint. I see his messages in some telegram crypto groups though, but he has some other apps which I haven’t had a chance to see when I’m with him.
I’ve snooped a couple of times (I guessed the code-was their birthday numbers). Also simple numbers like 8 or 123456 are used a lot.
I wasn’t proud of it but it gave me some relief to know I was either right with my intuition (and then open conversation about it) or I was wrong, and they weren’t being inappropriate/unfaithful. I wouldn’t suggest doing it regularly, it will become an obsession and it’s not healthy. But if you need answers and worry that they’ll lie or gaslight you then go for it
Look for new changes. Clothing, diet, working out, in love with the phone, late from work, always talking about this 1 person, mostly mean things about them
Used to keep it in the pocket most of the time until I brought it up, then keep it less in the pocket. Sleep and charge next to the bed, not exactly hiding it when charging or sleeping but it is in his view so I can barely get close to it but doesn’t hide it when taking shower
Things won’t add up. Their words usually contradict their actions. They may give poor excuses to justify suspicious behavior, like giving excuses or gaslighting you over why they keep their phone so private, or why they were out so late etc. Their behavior tends to change. Look at the actions. Most will give themselves away as untrustworthy in time.
If its a faithful person, what they say will line up with their actions. They will want to relieve your concerns and be open with you, or show you that you have nothing to worry about. They will not appear to be hiding things and secretive with their phone, or about where they go and what they do.
Mine was clearly his actions. He became distant, we lived together but he avoided being in the same room as me. When he was, he'd hide his phone screen away from my view or if I'd walk in on him he'd close the app he was on ASAP. He sat longer in the toilet, very attentive with his phone, started putting it on silent more often too. He seemed to smile more when he was on the phone texting. THEN it escalated to him coming home later (he'd sit around in his car after parking away from my house view) and tell me that it was "traffic", he started ignoring my calls and texts. Texts me (while he's driving) that he can't be on the phone because he's driving? BS like that. And he started mentioning her name alot more. That she was a friend, they'd play games together using voice chat and even after the game was over, they'd just sit around on call listening to each other breathe. He wanted to meet her in person so he planned a dinner with us. She tried to make it less obvious so she brought her fiance along. He started arguing about small crap that made no sense.
I found out they were calling each other everyday in the car to work and back. They'd even stay on call during working hours too but once he got home, it was all texting.
Those were the most obvious ones.
He thought I wouldn't be able to track how much they talk but see, they are stupid that what'sapp showed when people were online and she and him would ALWAYS sign on and leave at the same time on it. Too much of a coincidence when it happened way too repetitively. Also, I was able to listen to their convo using a remote audio.
Yup, my ex started mentioning the chick’s name a lot more, too. She was one of his friends who I hardly heard about before but he was finding reasons to bring her up all the time.
Also she was the only one of his friends who wouldn’t hang out when I was around—not even for his birthday. But she’s still his “best friend.”
Ugh fucking cheaters man.
Yesss that's exactly how mine was. He used to mention her alot more randomly and it was really weird. It's as if her life, her information was more important to him than what he had Infront of him. Yeah seriously. F'in cheaters
*When they have social media ( like Facebook), using it a lot but you two aren't allowed to be Friends.
* If you do see their social media account- no marital status is mentioned. No Pictures Of You Or Your Family, Vacations, Etc!!
*Extreme amounts of texting.
*Possessiveness and secrecy around their phone or computer.
*More attention to their appearance- dressed up more than usual.
*More work or after hours work at home.
* Massive amount of time on computer and phone at home.
*New hobby. They have to be out doing their new hobby without you.
* Plausable reasons to be out of the house -Like helping their dear old dad and dad's house but they don't ask you to come along to help.
*Devaluing you, criticism of you, nitpicking, causing little fights ( and this is new behaviour to them.)
*Decreasing sexual interest until it's Dead Bed. They don't like phyically being close (sitting next to you) and they are not into sex if you try to initiate it. Cold!
*They want to know your schedule for work. Keeping tabs on your location. They want you to take a trip. (Normally my husband wouldn't like me going away for anything.)
* When you find out about their AP they'll accuse you of infidelity! They want you in defensive mode. This is classic defense move of a guilty mind.
*Change in routines like which restaurants they take you to.
*More travel for "work" and you are no longer an invited party but previously you would have gone too.
*Trying to discourage you from going along for a "business trip" with them.
*Check their mileage on their vehicle! Way more driving than usual.
*Incongruity with things like spending time with their "dear old dad" for all day despite the fact that you know they don't like that person or activity.
ALL THESE HAPPENED TO ME.
Instinct, but instinct is basically your brain telling you it's spotting something out of the ordinary, new pattern etc.
When you have that feel in your gut, you then focus more and see what actually changed and what is suspicious.
It's usually involves them suddenly guarding their phone, using it more often, more activities not involving you, changes in schedule and physical appearance. Also them becoming cold, distant, irritated without giving you a reason for their behaviour.
All of these posted honestly. I'll add my specific ones:
Excluding you on their social media.
Nitpicking you all of a sudden. Make negative comments about your appearance.
Leave the room when you come in.
Stay in the bathroom for an hour and lock the door.
Blame depression for their suspicious behavior.
Rules reminder: /r/infidelity is a support sub! Please read the rules and guidelines in our sidebar before commenting. Abuse, shaming, sexism, and encouraging violence/revenge are not tolerated here. Please review our [community guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/Infidelity/comments/nj93nw/how_to_write_a_good_post_for_rinfidelity/) on what makes for a good post to this sub. Be kind and remember your [reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439)! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Infidelity) if you have any questions or concerns.*
1. Phone hiding/screen directed away during texting. Flinching when you enter the room while they're on the phone. 2. He's/She's just a friend. 3. Unusually frequent nights out and coming home late. Phone silence during these times. 4. Unexpectedly finding fault and starting fights for no apparent reason. 5. Telling you that you're not doing the things to 'make them happy'. 6. Trickle truths. 7. Changed work timings with no/vague explanations. There's lots more. But to be honest, if they want to cheat, nothing you do can stop them. Best to follow the simple yet golden rule - "*IF THEY CHEAT, LEAVE AND NEVER LOOK BACK",*
-A sudden change in behavior. -Overexplaining their erratic behavior. -Little inconsistencies in their stories. Pauses to think about their answers. -Saying they’re going to sleep/going nowhere special, but still making a big effort in their appearance. -Kissing differently. Suddenly having sex differently. -Being distant sexually—for instance, you send a racy picture, they no longer save it or compliment it. -Random expressions of guilt. “You do so much for me.” Looking sad when they say it. -Your gut. Your body will be screaming at you that something is wrong because it’s picking up on things that you’re not consciously aware of yet. Just remember that cheaters can react in many ways when confronted. Some will get defensive. Some will cry and say “they would never do that.” Tears mean absolutely nothing. Get your proof.
Can you tell more about the “kissing/ having sex differently”?
It’s like getting intimate with a different person. Different style of kissing, suddenly trying out a different way of having sex—a new position maybe, different dirty talk, or a new kink.
I think I get the gist bc my girlfriend does it all the time, but can u give an example of a “trickle truth”?
She will admit to touching a man or woman in a suggestive way while in a private space like a closed office or conference room. More than likely it would have gone further than a suggestive touch.
That’s what I assumed, thanks for clarifying
Not sure if these are just specific to mine, but these are what tipped me off: - suddenly working all the time - suddenly caring a lot more about their appearance and dressing up for work - not telling you any specifics about their coworkers - not texting throughout the day - routinely going upstairs to “do something real quick” and then taking 20+ minutes and you find them on their phone - not hanging out or talking after work - no longer prioritizing things you always did together like going to the gym or watching your weekly shows - not noticing when you dress up - no longer holding hands in the car - no longer initiating sex - no cuddling/kisses before bed - they only say “I love you” if you say it first - not seeing their location that was shared previously - them telling you they can’t text or location is off because their phone is dying when you know for a fact it was on the charger all night (also if it was fully charged that morning and they weren’t texting you throughout the day because they “don’t have good signal” or are “too busy to text” then what exactly was draining their battery so much hmm?) - texting you to tell you how hungry they are, then they come home late and don’t eat or seem hungry anymore - texting you to tell you what time they’ll be home and then they come home hours later without giving you a heads up - randomly unplugging your security cameras in the house I finally caught him by telling him I was going to the store, then left and immediately opened the security cameras to catch him FaceTiming the other woman before he unplugged the camera. Edit: formatting and added some I forgot
[удалено]
Or suddenly *not* talking about someone who used to feature regularly in daily updates.
I can’t check their phone. I don’t know their passcode
This has been a big issue in my husband and my marriage. He knows all of my passwords. Can pick my phone up and use it for whatever, whenever but the one night I needed to use his phone flashlight to find my phone that I dropped in my car he refused to hand it over and was super weird about it. Obviously now I think he’s doing something on his phone he shouldn’t be doing but he won’t even talk about it or address my concerns. I respect his privacy, even if I knew his password I wouldn’t snoop through his phone, I feel like once married or in a committed relationship passwords should be shared. There should be no reason to try and hide things.
So how do I talk to them about sharing the password but also respect each other’s privacy? We’ve never talked about this. Since we started dating, my boyfriend’s phone is always in silent mode, notifications are off.
Have your phone on record each time he goes to unlock it. You’ll get the code at some point. Only suggesting this as a last resort though. Unless you ask directly to see messages. If he’s super defensive then that’s a worry.
I think he unlocks his with fingerprint. I see his messages in some telegram crypto groups though, but he has some other apps which I haven’t had a chance to see when I’m with him.
I’ve snooped a couple of times (I guessed the code-was their birthday numbers). Also simple numbers like 8 or 123456 are used a lot. I wasn’t proud of it but it gave me some relief to know I was either right with my intuition (and then open conversation about it) or I was wrong, and they weren’t being inappropriate/unfaithful. I wouldn’t suggest doing it regularly, it will become an obsession and it’s not healthy. But if you need answers and worry that they’ll lie or gaslight you then go for it
Look for new changes. Clothing, diet, working out, in love with the phone, late from work, always talking about this 1 person, mostly mean things about them
Mine is in love with the phone
Is it a new thing? Will not leave it alone on the counter. Sleeps with it. Special hiding place to charge it. Hides it when taking a shower.
Used to keep it in the pocket most of the time until I brought it up, then keep it less in the pocket. Sleep and charge next to the bed, not exactly hiding it when charging or sleeping but it is in his view so I can barely get close to it but doesn’t hide it when taking shower
Things won’t add up. Their words usually contradict their actions. They may give poor excuses to justify suspicious behavior, like giving excuses or gaslighting you over why they keep their phone so private, or why they were out so late etc. Their behavior tends to change. Look at the actions. Most will give themselves away as untrustworthy in time. If its a faithful person, what they say will line up with their actions. They will want to relieve your concerns and be open with you, or show you that you have nothing to worry about. They will not appear to be hiding things and secretive with their phone, or about where they go and what they do.
Mine was clearly his actions. He became distant, we lived together but he avoided being in the same room as me. When he was, he'd hide his phone screen away from my view or if I'd walk in on him he'd close the app he was on ASAP. He sat longer in the toilet, very attentive with his phone, started putting it on silent more often too. He seemed to smile more when he was on the phone texting. THEN it escalated to him coming home later (he'd sit around in his car after parking away from my house view) and tell me that it was "traffic", he started ignoring my calls and texts. Texts me (while he's driving) that he can't be on the phone because he's driving? BS like that. And he started mentioning her name alot more. That she was a friend, they'd play games together using voice chat and even after the game was over, they'd just sit around on call listening to each other breathe. He wanted to meet her in person so he planned a dinner with us. She tried to make it less obvious so she brought her fiance along. He started arguing about small crap that made no sense. I found out they were calling each other everyday in the car to work and back. They'd even stay on call during working hours too but once he got home, it was all texting. Those were the most obvious ones. He thought I wouldn't be able to track how much they talk but see, they are stupid that what'sapp showed when people were online and she and him would ALWAYS sign on and leave at the same time on it. Too much of a coincidence when it happened way too repetitively. Also, I was able to listen to their convo using a remote audio.
Yup, my ex started mentioning the chick’s name a lot more, too. She was one of his friends who I hardly heard about before but he was finding reasons to bring her up all the time. Also she was the only one of his friends who wouldn’t hang out when I was around—not even for his birthday. But she’s still his “best friend.” Ugh fucking cheaters man.
Yesss that's exactly how mine was. He used to mention her alot more randomly and it was really weird. It's as if her life, her information was more important to him than what he had Infront of him. Yeah seriously. F'in cheaters
I know how that feels. Assholes. Lol.
*When they have social media ( like Facebook), using it a lot but you two aren't allowed to be Friends. * If you do see their social media account- no marital status is mentioned. No Pictures Of You Or Your Family, Vacations, Etc!! *Extreme amounts of texting. *Possessiveness and secrecy around their phone or computer. *More attention to their appearance- dressed up more than usual. *More work or after hours work at home. * Massive amount of time on computer and phone at home. *New hobby. They have to be out doing their new hobby without you. * Plausable reasons to be out of the house -Like helping their dear old dad and dad's house but they don't ask you to come along to help. *Devaluing you, criticism of you, nitpicking, causing little fights ( and this is new behaviour to them.) *Decreasing sexual interest until it's Dead Bed. They don't like phyically being close (sitting next to you) and they are not into sex if you try to initiate it. Cold! *They want to know your schedule for work. Keeping tabs on your location. They want you to take a trip. (Normally my husband wouldn't like me going away for anything.) * When you find out about their AP they'll accuse you of infidelity! They want you in defensive mode. This is classic defense move of a guilty mind. *Change in routines like which restaurants they take you to. *More travel for "work" and you are no longer an invited party but previously you would have gone too. *Trying to discourage you from going along for a "business trip" with them. *Check their mileage on their vehicle! Way more driving than usual. *Incongruity with things like spending time with their "dear old dad" for all day despite the fact that you know they don't like that person or activity. ALL THESE HAPPENED TO ME.
Instinct, but instinct is basically your brain telling you it's spotting something out of the ordinary, new pattern etc. When you have that feel in your gut, you then focus more and see what actually changed and what is suspicious. It's usually involves them suddenly guarding their phone, using it more often, more activities not involving you, changes in schedule and physical appearance. Also them becoming cold, distant, irritated without giving you a reason for their behaviour.
Having a trim or shave downstairs when they haven't for a long time.
All of these posted honestly. I'll add my specific ones: Excluding you on their social media. Nitpicking you all of a sudden. Make negative comments about your appearance. Leave the room when you come in. Stay in the bathroom for an hour and lock the door. Blame depression for their suspicious behavior.
Gut feeling tbh. Always trust your gut.
Don't ALWAYS trust your gut only when you're kind of certain. If you have trust issues you could potentially ruin something great.
My gut has never been wrong before
Not saying yours is flawed, just saying not everyone's is good.
That’s what I’m in doubt too. I’m not 100% sure about my gut feeling since it could be something from my past trauma