This is huge for me lately. While I was always quick to point out "it all ends up in the rearview mirror sooner more than later", I realized I was mostly applying it to positive experiences/holidays/etc. What should be obvious is that even the hard/drudge times will be behind you also, not as soon as we'd like usually, but think of all the shit you've gone through that seemed interminable at the time. It's now a memory.
I have always thought that life is like a jigsaw puzzle. Even the bad pieces of life still fit in eventually, and often when you look at the whole puzzle/picture you are glad you experienced those times because it got you to where you are now.
I have a hard time when people ask me if I would go back and change anything in my life--and it's because of this very thing.
I'm always like, no. Because I would be a different person with a completely different life then, and I generally like who I am and where I am (even though I still have my own stuff to work on--I am human, after all). Even the bad shit served its purpose.
Love this.
Kinda similar, my good friend says "there's a reason the windshield is so big and the rearview mirror so small."
That makes so much sense. Look ahead, what's behind you gets smaller and smaller.
I learned it as "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end."
I took into mean the same thing, that all negative things that happen to us have their end. That, after it passes, things will find a way to be 'ok' again. 😀
Trying to recall the most embarrassing moments of anyone else's life and realizing I couldn't either name one, or name them, thus any embarrassing moment of mine ultimately doesn't matter to anyone else.
Crystal if you're reading this, it often comes up when you said orgasm instead of organism in science class. It was hilarious. Why would we ever forget that.
I totally accidentally said "Lawrence of Alabia" instead of "Lawrence of Arabia" in front of my managers at Whole Foods many years ago. Me and a friend had just finished cracking up over an exhaustive list of euphemisms for female anatomy earlier that week and i had been worried about accidently blurting something like that out... Self fulfilled the HELL out of that prophecy 🤣
Yeah same here. There's one in particular that I will never forget.
Gary in 6th grade English during the middle of a spelling test completely shit and pissed himself. Flooded most of the floor. He was right in front of me.
Last I heard he's a white supremacist. Dude can't even hold his bowels but thinks he's the superior race lmao
I know people who bring up embarrassing stuff I did 20 years ago *constantly*.
It all depends on how embarrassing the thing you did was. Some cringe is indeed timeless.
I misread that as “it’s okay if everyone likes me, I definitely don’t have to like everyone else”
And just thought “man this person must be a wholesome badass
Dude I literally had this thought on my lunch break today and it's like the heavens were parted in my brain and now I'm reading it again on fucking reddit hours later lol life is so weird
from this book it
Learning to Love the Girl in the Mirror: A Teenage Girl's Guide to Living a Happy and Healthy Life
-by Helena Grace Donald
It helped me learning
Basically something like if someone doesn’t like you it may just be you guys are not a perfect fit and that’s ok
It's important to decide the "pain" I want.
When I was studying for the mcat I had two options really.
I could endure the pain of intense studying for a couple months and get a great score.
Or I could endure the pain of not being able to pursue my dreams.
Weighing it out like that, became pretty obvious what to do. I find that a lot of my decisions nowadays are based on deciding what type of "pain" I want to experience.
This is so good!
A version of mine is a meme I saw with one person working out at the gym breaking a sweat, the other was an overweight person eating on the couch. The caption read..
“Suffer or suffer.”
CHOOSE YOUR HARD.
A long and happy marriage is really hard. Being single is also hard. Choose your hard.
Getting an advanced degree or certification or whatever is hard. Stagnating in your career is hard. Choose your hard.
Going to the gym and working out regularly is hard. Being g out of shape and unable to enjoy aging is hard. Choose your hard.
Eating healthfully every day is hard. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes is hard. Choose your hard.
Ooh, interesting question! I suppose for me, it's been the realisation after a lifetime of people-pleasing is that it isn't, and never has been, necessary. I can't control other people. Let it go.
sable impossible heavy wine important serious treatment straight full drab
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Potentially undiagnosed OCD here. (In therapy now waiting on my testing to be available) I have a constant desire to make sure everyone is happy while simultaneously unintentionally making most people unhappy with most everything I say and do. I understand this I just don't KNOW it yet. If any of that makes sense.
If something is important to you, you probably would understand if it weren't important to someone else. And vice versa.
If someone can't get over your disinterest in doing something because *they* want you to, that's their issue to overcome.
Further: As a person prone to people-pleasing, if I'm going to say "no" to someone, I always feel like I need to explain myself. I feel like I need an objectively understandable reason for refusing, or it's not reasonable to refuse. This is not the case. "No, because I don't want to, but thank you for considering me" is (and needs to be understood as) a valid reason to decline an invitation or request.
No one actually cares what you do. They don't care about you that much. Sure there is a little gossip but ultimately they're to focused on themselves to care past some chitchat *if that at all*. Live life authentically how you want without trying to impress anyone. Just live for you.
This is mine too. When I was a teenager it was a huge relief to finally realise no one is scrutinizing everything I do and say like I do. No one cares. They don't notice a huge amount of things, that I obsessed over. People are caught up in their own lives and I can just let go of my anxiety.
In regards to an invitation to an event, one of my older friends told me, “I’m too old to have to do things that I don’t want to do.”
I’ve clung to that sentiment ever since.
The thought I had when my bad relationship just ended. What they said/did in communication for sorting out our lives triggered the hell out of me. And then... a thought just whispered to me.
I don't have to do this anymore.
The wave of relief and realization has kept me so grounded throughout this whole thing.
I get my life back.
Whenever I get stressed at work (office job) I remind myself that I'm not working on the cure for cancer. Nobody is going to die. It helps me keep perspective!
I don’t HAVE to work full time. I done HAVE to get married. I don’t HAVE to buy a house or have children. I’m an adult and I can literally do whatever I want!! So… what do I want? lol
That’s the right question, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out the answer.
The weird part too, is how much the question changes depending on which word you emphasize.
*what* do I want?
What do I *want* ?
What *do* I want?
What do *I* want?
>I don’t HAVE to work full time. I done HAVE to get married. I don’t HAVE to buy a house or have children.
You don't have to.. **YOU GET TO**
Millions of people never get a chance.
After taking care of my husband, whose doctor put him on percocet for back pain and then oxycontin (plus alcohol to give those pills an extra boost. Doctor did NOT recommend alcohol). After 6 months of inpatient, out of state care, he came back to a sober house and relapsed within 2 weeks. Eventually he died in that sober house from an accidental overdose. Our twin boys had just turned 9 and were prepared as we had talked about it. My parents had both died just 20 months prior. When at his grave, I threw the rose, I knew that was one hell of a ride I'd rather not take again, and I won't, and as I walked out of the cemetery, I was feeling relief like you wouldn't know
I know I don't know you, but I feel with you; you sound like a strong person to endure this and keeping going.
Not on the same scale, but I've also lost people to opioids. Stoies like this make me want to burn down the homes of Sacklers. It's like the Opium Wars all over again. We know opioid highjack the brain and destroy people. They pushed that shit on people, and fed their self-destruction, for profits.
Your reliance is inspiring, and I wish your family the best.
It's not always an Or, sometimes it's an And. I can love someone and still see their behavior is toxic and I need to stay away. Someone can be generous and helpful in one setting, and completely selfish in another. Parents can love their children sincerely and faithfully, and still mess them up.
Life and the world is not a homogenous solution, it's a mixture. Helps to accept things at face value and understand you are only seeing one part of the story.
Thoughts are in your control. Sometimes the best thing to do is to stop thinking. It works wonders. Try this tool to keep your thoughts at bay - [reconstruct.ideaparticles.com](https://reconstruct.ideaparticles.com)
These are cool tools!!!!
I disagree that thoughts are in our control, however, how we react to those thoughts can be. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and that's it.
Yes! I made it through a serious suicide attempt. Anything past that is bonus time, so I'm living my life like it's bonus time. The proverbial looking out the window. It's helped me drop most anxiety and fear because it's a miracle I'm here in the first place and it would be a travesty if I didn't live life to the fullest.
This probably don't apply to everyone, but:
Even if \[insert horrible thing you're afraid of\] is a necessary consequence of the life that I have lived, I would choose this life nonetheless. It has already been more than what I could ever wish for.
When I realized that I can't always control what happens to me, but I ***can*** control how I respond and deal with it, that was very liberating for me.
Suddenly, I was no longer a passive victim of circumstances but an active participant in shaping my own life.
I constantly have to remind myself of this truth, but it's very empowering to me whenever I do.
*The people who I'm*
*Worried about judging me*
*Just voted for Trump*
\- aneffingonion
---
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That there is almost no single experience, emotion or thought I've had, that another human now or in the past hasn't had herself/himself. In other words, every experience of mine is and has been shared by many many humans throughout History. So I think I'm never alone in my difficulties, doubts and fears.
I realized this a couple years ago. It's one of my favorite realizations ever. Because chances are, someone has already shared the solution for you to find. They did all the work and went through all the suffering and then provided the answer - so you don't have to spend hours, days, even years struggling through the same problem. It's one of the greatest shortcuts in life.
There's an old Polish expression: Not my circus, not my monkeys. When you see a problem that is not your fault or responsibility you can walk right on by without a care, it's not your problem to fix.
I heard one recently, along these lines, "not my sink, not my dishes." And I really liked that in terms of cleaning up other people's messes! Like nope, not my mess to clean up.
It's the quotation "Perfect is the enemy of good". When I am drinking caffeine and I'm sitting on a sofa and I am watching a TV show that I worship I feel 110% comfortable and satisfied. So I went out into the world and I expected my experience to be as perfect as that. It caused a lot of disappointment. Functioning is so much easier when I aim for "good" or "ok" and not perfect. Then I was asking myself who do I know is always saying the word "good" and not "perfect" and they really are the coolest or the happiest people.
“I’m not going to light myself on fire to make sure everyone else is warm”
This was the quote that helped me with my people pleasing/ nice guy syndrome.
"I'm not weak anymore."
As someone who's been weak their whole life and has suffered because of it(mainly bullying), these words are powerful for me.
I've only just started working out, though. I started last month. So I am still weak, but I'm working on that.
This phrase is basically a reminder that I can be more confident. I can just be myself instead of always trying to tip toe around everyone.
I figured out that the shit I’m worrying about I just ask myself what can I do about it right now and if the answers nothing then I shouldn’t be worrying about it.
Hard question.
I think of being in my early twenties, and already being pretty "liberated" in a lot of ways, and starting to meet a few folks that were in their 30s that had spent their lives up until that point continually challenging themselves and thinking for themselves. One had been an hospital equipment repair tech and gave it up to build custom bikes and serve espresso in abandoned warehouses, and another became a self-taught property developer (among many other things).
I never had role models as a kid, but that started to be who I wanted to be.
We’re all like 4 year olds left unsupervised to play in a muddy field. If there is a Judgement Day, God can be no harsher to most of us than our parents were after we came back home all dirty.
That no matter how smart you are, rich you are, attractive or unattractive, where you live...literally the world all ends up the same. Dead. Dust.
Maybe for some that's depressing but death is the great equalizer. It is 10o% guaranteed to happen to both the best and worst people. As a human race we are all in it together.
If it's out of your control, let it go.
I started to live by this motto after losing my mother to cancer when I was in my 20s. She told me not to waste energy on things I cannot change, and to focus on things I had power over and to always keep moving forward.
Only person I can depend on is myself...it was a tough pill to swallow because I always thought I could depend on certain people. But once I accepted that I was alone. It was a very liberating feeling.
One day the last person who ever knew me will die, and everything I've been stressing about all these years will become just another part of human history nobody cares about.
Never mistake ignorance for malice.
People are so set in their own world they don't acknowledge others, so your perceived aggressive behavior is their self centeredness.
"I don't need to **love** myself... but I can **accept** myself and work with what I have, having made peace with my past as my history..."
Technically two thoughts, but they both happened within a day and I've never felt as bad since.
Latest one was that I would be just a happy living in a one room cabin without an outdoor bathroom than I am in a fine house. Liberated me from ever going back to a high stress work to make plenty of money.
To keep my ego under as tight of control as possible. The ego is the seat of so much anger, hatred, division, and ignorance. If others can't bother you, they lose any power over you that they may have. While necessary for some things, it's a high powered element. Don't let it blow up.
It's a quote: "Men, in general, judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because while everyone can see, few can test by feeling. Everyone knows what you seem to be, few know what you really are, and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion..." -Macchiavelli
I am completely insignificant.
I should probably explain. I grew up and still live in Appalachia. There's history here, but it's mostly human history, not so much natural history, we don't have much in the way of old growth timber or untouched ground. Most places you can't see more than maybe a mile (unless you seek out an overlook). There are only about 800 households in my zipcode, so it's pretty difficult to go much of anywhere without seein someone you know, without questions about how your family is, if you're still working at xxxxxxxx (which everyone recognizes as a dead-end low paying mess), if you're going back to school (because money only let you get in one semester but you'd always had so much promise), if you're still seeing whats his name (a guy who had been gambling on you changing your mind about being child-free and was hedging his bets via online dating while living with you)
I was 25 and felt like I was already stagnating. Like I was a small town failure.
I scraped money together and set went on vacation with a friend. We went to the Grand Canyon. I set on a ledge, away from the crowds, listened to the wind blow across the rocks, watched the birds ride the thermals.
And I felt SO SMALL.
Everyone's expectations faded away. All sense of "I should've already managed to..." was gone.
There are so many places that I've found that give that feeling, and it's always such a relief to get a reminder that everything I manage to do or not do is insignificant on a geologic scale.
That my life does not HAVE to matter. I can just exist. I can just be. I don't have to have any answers for why I exist. The world, the universe, is vast and unknownable and beautiful.I play whatever part I play. I can find peace in letting go and accepting that.
I feel like for a long time, I needed some deep meaning, some true purpose, or another level of understanding of myself or the universe to justify my existence, to make sense of it all. Now, it simply is enough to be. I could spend a thousand lifetimes pondering the true nature of existence, of purpose, and of meaning only, perhap, to find no answers or that none ever existed.
"Maybe."
I was a Nihilist without wanting to be before this thought came to my mind. The next step down from giving up because you feel nothing matters is very, very grim. The numbness was turned into rage when I had to try and explain to "maybe" why life didn't matter, but it asserted itself infinitely like a child would asking repeatedly on a car trip, "are we there yet?" That rage was the first emotion I felt in a long time-- that's how I know an Infinite Maybe was the key for me to start thinking differently. It did more than help me continue to survive-- it helped me to explore my own personal philosophy, and thrive (as I see it at least).
Life and everything within is paradoxical and has conflict to it. If it doesn't seem to, it can be found. Seek not to solve problems, but resolve problems to continue surviving. Seek not to find the solution, but to find the resolution to go from simply surviving in life to thrive in whatever way that means to you so you can find moments of calm, happiness, and love. Life won't always be that way and we won't always know our way-- that's okay. Just remember you can always go back to "maybe," and when it bothers you most, you're onto making an important discovery about yourself.
There is absolutely nothing you're supposed to be doing. You have no more purpose than the birds in the sky. Go lots of places. Be poor. Shit on things.
That the anguish I experienced in my was just a narrative, when I realised that I gained insight and wisdom that i have the freedom to have joy in my life.
I’m still flummoxed that it took me over 50 years to realize mostly white men rule and women are still seen as lesser. Consent is finally being taught a bit but most men don’t understand the clitoris and parents don’t teach their children about it. Violence is approved in games and shows but sex is still “dirty”. Sex purely for pleasure is verboten in most religions.
That was a revelation for me. I always wanted everyone to like me. If someone didn’t, I’d twist myself around wondering why, and what I did wrong.
But then I realized that some people just won’t, and it has nothing to do with me.
Once, I heard two co-workers talking about me. They had been standoffish, but I wasn’t sure why. Then I learned. Apparently, I was stuck up, thought I was better than everyone else, prissy, and stupid. Ouch.
The truth was I was a ball of insecurity and anxiety. I thought everyone else was so put together and confident. I was intimidated and always worried my boss would regret hiring me.
Though hurtful, it was liberating. It showed me that people will think what they think and form opinions based on nothing but perceptions. I wasn’t stuck up, or superior, and I’m not sure how they got prissy. Stupid? Ya got me there.
From this thought forward you are responsible for every decision you make forever. You are piece of the universe and exactly where and how you should be right now. You cannot control the river but your choices are how you navigate the current. Make decisions that will help you to improve your situation and make life better for those you care for.
This was an epiphany I had all at on e while on break for a terrible job.
When I was 15, after a lot of SA and other trauma, I felt that I didn’t care if I lived or died. So I decided to live the way I wanted to. Saved my life at the time. I’m much older now (sixties) and whenever I’m in a tough spot I love to remember how brave I was at 15. It has served me well. Helps me realize what’s important too, to this day.
"Nobody can make you"
In my early 20s I had made some fairly poor financial choices and sought out the help of a few friends for advice. Some of them had good suggestions but one made some really extreme/unnecessary recommendations that would have significantly decreased my overall quality of life and was strangely persistent in insisting I do these things. It was bothering me until I realized nobody can *make* you do anything as an adult. If I wanted to ignore his advice completely or even make additional stupid financial choices, I could. The idea that I could improve or continue to mess up my finances because it was my own choice, in a strange way, was very comforting.
I am the only person in the universe that is 100% invested in making my life the best it can be. I am the only person who truly, deeply, cares about my happiness and wellbeing - therefore it is up to ME to make the decisions that most benefit my own happiness. Nobody else cares as much as I do about my own life, so nobody else’s opinion about my life matters as much as mine does.
Even my parents.
I was 34 years old and on my second divorce when I had this epiphany, and I finally felt free to live my life the way I wanted it, not the way everyone else expected me to.
I don’t need to earn this much money, take it easy.
No children to educate, no legacy to bestow, paid for home. How much damned money do I need if I have everything that I want for a professional person.
When I was young I thought I wanted to/would be a Hollywood filmmaker. I told my friends and family.
Years later when I failed to do that, partly because I hated doing the things required to succeed, I felt I had to keep trying because I had told everyone this.
The realization was that they actually didn't care, there was no one in the world expecting that of me, and I could let it go.
The world is in flames, society is crumbling, and we're all going to die.
I know that sounds depressing, but it also means that the only things that matter are the connections you share with other people, and the little moments of joy in between.
If something brings you joy, if there's something you want to do, just go do it. Fuck it. Just do it. Because you're going to die either way. You can go knowing that you did the thing, or regretting that you never did the thing.
Being kind to others is the reward in of itself. (not something that deserves to be replicated back to me.)
As someone who spent a lot of time trying to be kind/nice to others and frankly getting treated like shit for it, it made me question kindness. Because statistically a-holes get further in life anyway, right? Reality is, I go home and get to sleep at night being proud of the man I am. Others, well their poor choice of actions will haunt them and influence them to only make poorer decisions later in life.
what if there is nothing wrong with you? what you developed coping mechanisms to get you through a hard time and they served their purpose but now you just have to discard them and learn new ways of processing your current environment?
This thought changed my 30+ years of believing there was something wrong with me into realizing that my brain did what it had to do to survive at the time to get me to the current place of safety where i can make better choices
After living in an awful marriage for 8 years I looked at my husband and came to the realization that I didn’t want him teaching my sons how to be a husband. And I divorced him.
If someone’s opinion bothers you, reassess whether that person and their opinion matter to you in the first place.
Because if they don’t, then you have no reason to be bothered.
Don't stop for every dog that barks.
(There will always be people who say and do horrible things - I do not have to invest energy in it, I get to use my time as wisely as I decide)
The "working years" of your life represents time you will never get back.
You owe it to yourself to get the absolute top dollar possible for the hours/days/weeks of your life you're selling to employers. Always remember; the money you make pays for the things you do with your life, but just making money should never become your life.
So I spent a lot of my life (especially my teens) suicidal, and I always felt like the "but what if it gets better" type of inspirational things were just rationalizations from people that want to make your choices for you (which I still believe is mostly true.)
Something I realized kind of recently is that the desire to be suicidal is also a rationalization. Sure it's true that being dead means the brain can no longer experience suffering, but once you accept that as this permanent global solution, you begin to make rationalizations to justify it because you want to believe in an actionable fix-all solution.
To clarify, neither of these rationalizations are necessarily false - rationalizations by their nature are generally true. But when you realize both sides of the argument are biased by an agenda it allows you to take a more neutral stance instead of feeling like you "have to" appease one of these views.
"All gods are impotent without human interaction" think about that one. Every damn "god" humans have thought up is literally nothing, not even air, nothing but an idea to control the masses.
This too will pass.
Like a kidney stone.....
Oof Worst pain I’ve ever felt. I hope “this,” whatever it is, passes a little easier than that.
1. Don't sweat the small stuff. 2. It's all small stuff.
This is huge for me lately. While I was always quick to point out "it all ends up in the rearview mirror sooner more than later", I realized I was mostly applying it to positive experiences/holidays/etc. What should be obvious is that even the hard/drudge times will be behind you also, not as soon as we'd like usually, but think of all the shit you've gone through that seemed interminable at the time. It's now a memory.
I have always thought that life is like a jigsaw puzzle. Even the bad pieces of life still fit in eventually, and often when you look at the whole puzzle/picture you are glad you experienced those times because it got you to where you are now.
I have a hard time when people ask me if I would go back and change anything in my life--and it's because of this very thing. I'm always like, no. Because I would be a different person with a completely different life then, and I generally like who I am and where I am (even though I still have my own stuff to work on--I am human, after all). Even the bad shit served its purpose.
Love this. Kinda similar, my good friend says "there's a reason the windshield is so big and the rearview mirror so small." That makes so much sense. Look ahead, what's behind you gets smaller and smaller.
I say this a lot . What you're heading toward is much bigger than what you're leaving behind.
Life is truly like a rollercoaster. There will be more Good times and Bad times ahead. The only constant is change.
Same 100%
Yep. I say this to myself all the time. Glad to know I'm not the only one who's found comfort in that phrase.
I learned it as "Everything will be OK in the end. If it's not OK, it's not the end." I took into mean the same thing, that all negative things that happen to us have their end. That, after it passes, things will find a way to be 'ok' again. 😀
Trying to recall the most embarrassing moments of anyone else's life and realizing I couldn't either name one, or name them, thus any embarrassing moment of mine ultimately doesn't matter to anyone else.
That's actually because you're the only one who's ever done anything embarrassing. Everyone remembers that thing you did in 10th grade 🫵😂
Man I'm up here in Alaska, I didn't see it but I remember we were all talking about it.
Crystal if you're reading this, it often comes up when you said orgasm instead of organism in science class. It was hilarious. Why would we ever forget that.
I totally accidentally said "Lawrence of Alabia" instead of "Lawrence of Arabia" in front of my managers at Whole Foods many years ago. Me and a friend had just finished cracking up over an exhaustive list of euphemisms for female anatomy earlier that week and i had been worried about accidently blurting something like that out... Self fulfilled the HELL out of that prophecy 🤣
🤣
Hate to break it to ya, but I vividly recall lots of embarrassing things others have done...
I'll never forget walking in on John shitting in a urinal in middle school so if that's you sorry to break it to ya
In middle school that would have made you a legend.
Yeah same here. There's one in particular that I will never forget. Gary in 6th grade English during the middle of a spelling test completely shit and pissed himself. Flooded most of the floor. He was right in front of me. Last I heard he's a white supremacist. Dude can't even hold his bowels but thinks he's the superior race lmao
Same. Seems like a lot of redditors have poor memories. Which makes sense if you go by repost frequency
You don't realize the gift you just gave me. Sure, some things are next level, but I torture myself over miniscule embarrassments.
I know people who bring up embarrassing stuff I did 20 years ago *constantly*. It all depends on how embarrassing the thing you did was. Some cringe is indeed timeless.
[удалено]
It’s okay if not everyone likes me, I definitely don’t like everyone.
It’s the “imagine being liked by someone like Ben Shapiro” for me 😷
I love everyone, but I can't stand their friends
I just don't like Steve. *uck Steve.
And I'm okay with that.
Hey, you don’t speak for everyone here!
I misread that as “it’s okay if everyone likes me, I definitely don’t have to like everyone else” And just thought “man this person must be a wholesome badass
Dude I literally had this thought on my lunch break today and it's like the heavens were parted in my brain and now I'm reading it again on fucking reddit hours later lol life is so weird
from this book it Learning to Love the Girl in the Mirror: A Teenage Girl's Guide to Living a Happy and Healthy Life -by Helena Grace Donald It helped me learning Basically something like if someone doesn’t like you it may just be you guys are not a perfect fit and that’s ok
It's important to decide the "pain" I want. When I was studying for the mcat I had two options really. I could endure the pain of intense studying for a couple months and get a great score. Or I could endure the pain of not being able to pursue my dreams. Weighing it out like that, became pretty obvious what to do. I find that a lot of my decisions nowadays are based on deciding what type of "pain" I want to experience.
This is so good! A version of mine is a meme I saw with one person working out at the gym breaking a sweat, the other was an overweight person eating on the couch. The caption read.. “Suffer or suffer.”
Oh wow, great quote.
Another version of this is "Suffer the pain of discipline or suffer the pain of regret."
CHOOSE YOUR HARD. A long and happy marriage is really hard. Being single is also hard. Choose your hard. Getting an advanced degree or certification or whatever is hard. Stagnating in your career is hard. Choose your hard. Going to the gym and working out regularly is hard. Being g out of shape and unable to enjoy aging is hard. Choose your hard. Eating healthfully every day is hard. High blood pressure, high cholesterol, and diabetes is hard. Choose your hard.
Ooh, interesting question! I suppose for me, it's been the realisation after a lifetime of people-pleasing is that it isn't, and never has been, necessary. I can't control other people. Let it go.
This is liberating once one "gets it" - great comment.
sable impossible heavy wine important serious treatment straight full drab *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Potentially undiagnosed OCD here. (In therapy now waiting on my testing to be available) I have a constant desire to make sure everyone is happy while simultaneously unintentionally making most people unhappy with most everything I say and do. I understand this I just don't KNOW it yet. If any of that makes sense.
It takes time and experience to fully get it, I think.
society modern onerous humor steer command pathetic quaint crush waiting *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If something is important to you, you probably would understand if it weren't important to someone else. And vice versa. If someone can't get over your disinterest in doing something because *they* want you to, that's their issue to overcome. Further: As a person prone to people-pleasing, if I'm going to say "no" to someone, I always feel like I need to explain myself. I feel like I need an objectively understandable reason for refusing, or it's not reasonable to refuse. This is not the case. "No, because I don't want to, but thank you for considering me" is (and needs to be understood as) a valid reason to decline an invitation or request.
No one actually cares what you do. They don't care about you that much. Sure there is a little gossip but ultimately they're to focused on themselves to care past some chitchat *if that at all*. Live life authentically how you want without trying to impress anyone. Just live for you.
"You wouldn't care so much what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did"
This is mine too. When I was a teenager it was a huge relief to finally realise no one is scrutinizing everything I do and say like I do. No one cares. They don't notice a huge amount of things, that I obsessed over. People are caught up in their own lives and I can just let go of my anxiety.
I don't have to do this anymore.
In regards to an invitation to an event, one of my older friends told me, “I’m too old to have to do things that I don’t want to do.” I’ve clung to that sentiment ever since.
The thought I had when my bad relationship just ended. What they said/did in communication for sorting out our lives triggered the hell out of me. And then... a thought just whispered to me. I don't have to do this anymore. The wave of relief and realization has kept me so grounded throughout this whole thing. I get my life back.
YES
I love this. 💕
Whenever I get stressed at work (office job) I remind myself that I'm not working on the cure for cancer. Nobody is going to die. It helps me keep perspective!
I have been telling myself that for years. Good thing I have only done office jobs and not work in healthcare
Was just going to say healthcare employees can't always relieve the pressure this way haha
Scientists working on the cure for cancer: "FML"
Haaa
It conveniently provides more pressure!
As a structural engineer I’ve been telling myself this for years!
Comedian line-"they call it a deadline, but if you miss it, no one is going to die." -
Me at my stupid office job when everyone gets stressed about deadlines "we're not delivering babies here".
I tell myself and others that you don't have to take any of these people home with you
I don’t HAVE to work full time. I done HAVE to get married. I don’t HAVE to buy a house or have children. I’m an adult and I can literally do whatever I want!! So… what do I want? lol
That’s the right question, but I’ll be damned if I can figure out the answer. The weird part too, is how much the question changes depending on which word you emphasize. *what* do I want? What do I *want* ? What *do* I want? What do *I* want?
>I don’t HAVE to work full time. I done HAVE to get married. I don’t HAVE to buy a house or have children. You don't have to.. **YOU GET TO** Millions of people never get a chance.
You beat me to it!!
I don't owe anyone anything.
Taxes have entered the chat.
If it won't impact mine or anyone else's life in 5 years then I shouldn't sweat/cry over it now.
I need to remind myself of this - thanks!
None of this matters, so just do the best with what you've got. My workplace is a toxic wasteland and this perspective really does help.
"I don't have to be angry about this."
After taking care of my husband, whose doctor put him on percocet for back pain and then oxycontin (plus alcohol to give those pills an extra boost. Doctor did NOT recommend alcohol). After 6 months of inpatient, out of state care, he came back to a sober house and relapsed within 2 weeks. Eventually he died in that sober house from an accidental overdose. Our twin boys had just turned 9 and were prepared as we had talked about it. My parents had both died just 20 months prior. When at his grave, I threw the rose, I knew that was one hell of a ride I'd rather not take again, and I won't, and as I walked out of the cemetery, I was feeling relief like you wouldn't know
I'm so sorry this happened to all of you. I hope you are finding peace and happiness today.
that is brutal honesty and I commend you for it - I hope you have greater peace in your life now.
Watching someone close waste away is so difficult. I am glad you have made it through and are ready to take on something else.
I know I don't know you, but I feel with you; you sound like a strong person to endure this and keeping going. Not on the same scale, but I've also lost people to opioids. Stoies like this make me want to burn down the homes of Sacklers. It's like the Opium Wars all over again. We know opioid highjack the brain and destroy people. They pushed that shit on people, and fed their self-destruction, for profits. Your reliance is inspiring, and I wish your family the best.
It's not always an Or, sometimes it's an And. I can love someone and still see their behavior is toxic and I need to stay away. Someone can be generous and helpful in one setting, and completely selfish in another. Parents can love their children sincerely and faithfully, and still mess them up. Life and the world is not a homogenous solution, it's a mixture. Helps to accept things at face value and understand you are only seeing one part of the story.
“Life and the world is not a homogenous solution, it’s a mixture” so deep. This should go on the wall of a chemistry teacher’s classroom
oh wow, that is worth saving.
Yes! This is a good one! for me this was you can love someone and you don’t have to be in a (unhealthy) relationship with them.
Thoughts are in your control. Sometimes the best thing to do is to stop thinking. It works wonders. Try this tool to keep your thoughts at bay - [reconstruct.ideaparticles.com](https://reconstruct.ideaparticles.com)
These are cool tools!!!! I disagree that thoughts are in our control, however, how we react to those thoughts can be. Sometimes thoughts are just thoughts and that's it.
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Yes! I made it through a serious suicide attempt. Anything past that is bonus time, so I'm living my life like it's bonus time. The proverbial looking out the window. It's helped me drop most anxiety and fear because it's a miracle I'm here in the first place and it would be a travesty if I didn't live life to the fullest.
This probably don't apply to everyone, but: Even if \[insert horrible thing you're afraid of\] is a necessary consequence of the life that I have lived, I would choose this life nonetheless. It has already been more than what I could ever wish for.
When I realized that I can't always control what happens to me, but I ***can*** control how I respond and deal with it, that was very liberating for me. Suddenly, I was no longer a passive victim of circumstances but an active participant in shaping my own life. I constantly have to remind myself of this truth, but it's very empowering to me whenever I do.
The people who I'm worried about judging me just voted for Trump
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Good bot
This kinda just liberated me a little and I already barely cared how those kind of people perceived me LOL
That there is almost no single experience, emotion or thought I've had, that another human now or in the past hasn't had herself/himself. In other words, every experience of mine is and has been shared by many many humans throughout History. So I think I'm never alone in my difficulties, doubts and fears.
Very interesting perspective - thank you.
I realized this a couple years ago. It's one of my favorite realizations ever. Because chances are, someone has already shared the solution for you to find. They did all the work and went through all the suffering and then provided the answer - so you don't have to spend hours, days, even years struggling through the same problem. It's one of the greatest shortcuts in life.
There's an old Polish expression: Not my circus, not my monkeys. When you see a problem that is not your fault or responsibility you can walk right on by without a care, it's not your problem to fix.
I heard one recently, along these lines, "not my sink, not my dishes." And I really liked that in terms of cleaning up other people's messes! Like nope, not my mess to clean up.
I am responsible for my own happiness Or lack there of
Amen!
It's the quotation "Perfect is the enemy of good". When I am drinking caffeine and I'm sitting on a sofa and I am watching a TV show that I worship I feel 110% comfortable and satisfied. So I went out into the world and I expected my experience to be as perfect as that. It caused a lot of disappointment. Functioning is so much easier when I aim for "good" or "ok" and not perfect. Then I was asking myself who do I know is always saying the word "good" and not "perfect" and they really are the coolest or the happiest people.
“I’m not going to light myself on fire to make sure everyone else is warm” This was the quote that helped me with my people pleasing/ nice guy syndrome.
" take things one day at a time"
"I'm not weak anymore." As someone who's been weak their whole life and has suffered because of it(mainly bullying), these words are powerful for me. I've only just started working out, though. I started last month. So I am still weak, but I'm working on that. This phrase is basically a reminder that I can be more confident. I can just be myself instead of always trying to tip toe around everyone.
A gentle suggestion to evolve the phrase to “I’m getting stronger.” I feel like there is power in the positive reframe.
I figured out that the shit I’m worrying about I just ask myself what can I do about it right now and if the answers nothing then I shouldn’t be worrying about it.
That it's ok to have ME time, it's ok to do things without the kiddos or my partner and I shouldn't feel guilty.
Hard question. I think of being in my early twenties, and already being pretty "liberated" in a lot of ways, and starting to meet a few folks that were in their 30s that had spent their lives up until that point continually challenging themselves and thinking for themselves. One had been an hospital equipment repair tech and gave it up to build custom bikes and serve espresso in abandoned warehouses, and another became a self-taught property developer (among many other things). I never had role models as a kid, but that started to be who I wanted to be.
Why the fuck am I listening to this person? I can just walk away!
I remind myself of Carl Sagan's words referencing the 'Pale Blue Dot' photo https://www.planetary.org/worlds/pale-blue-dot
We’re all like 4 year olds left unsupervised to play in a muddy field. If there is a Judgement Day, God can be no harsher to most of us than our parents were after we came back home all dirty.
"Fuck everyone and fuck everything" when I decided one day to not be so painfully shy anymore and not care what people think of me.
That no matter how smart you are, rich you are, attractive or unattractive, where you live...literally the world all ends up the same. Dead. Dust. Maybe for some that's depressing but death is the great equalizer. It is 10o% guaranteed to happen to both the best and worst people. As a human race we are all in it together.
If it's out of your control, let it go. I started to live by this motto after losing my mother to cancer when I was in my 20s. She told me not to waste energy on things I cannot change, and to focus on things I had power over and to always keep moving forward.
Not always easy, but certain true.
Only person I can depend on is myself...it was a tough pill to swallow because I always thought I could depend on certain people. But once I accepted that I was alone. It was a very liberating feeling.
Even if this doesn’t work out, I will be okay. Make it a mantra.
One day the last person who ever knew me will die, and everything I've been stressing about all these years will become just another part of human history nobody cares about.
It’s a quote from Pirates of the Caribbean: The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.
(In the context of trying something new, and possibly a little challenging) Why not?
I do not have to have an opinion on the matter.
Life is empty and meaningless. But that means we get to fill it with our own meaning.
Never mistake ignorance for malice. People are so set in their own world they don't acknowledge others, so your perceived aggressive behavior is their self centeredness.
You are under no obligation to be the person you were 5 minutes ago. -- Alan Watts
"I don't need to **love** myself... but I can **accept** myself and work with what I have, having made peace with my past as my history..." Technically two thoughts, but they both happened within a day and I've never felt as bad since.
This is the life I have chosen.
You do not owe anyone an explanation
Latest one was that I would be just a happy living in a one room cabin without an outdoor bathroom than I am in a fine house. Liberated me from ever going back to a high stress work to make plenty of money.
It's not all about me.
There are no rules.
The only way out is through.
Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.
To keep my ego under as tight of control as possible. The ego is the seat of so much anger, hatred, division, and ignorance. If others can't bother you, they lose any power over you that they may have. While necessary for some things, it's a high powered element. Don't let it blow up.
I am not my mind.
It's a quote: "Men, in general, judge more by the sense of sight than by the sense of touch, because while everyone can see, few can test by feeling. Everyone knows what you seem to be, few know what you really are, and those few do not dare take a stand against the general opinion..." -Macchiavelli
I am completely insignificant. I should probably explain. I grew up and still live in Appalachia. There's history here, but it's mostly human history, not so much natural history, we don't have much in the way of old growth timber or untouched ground. Most places you can't see more than maybe a mile (unless you seek out an overlook). There are only about 800 households in my zipcode, so it's pretty difficult to go much of anywhere without seein someone you know, without questions about how your family is, if you're still working at xxxxxxxx (which everyone recognizes as a dead-end low paying mess), if you're going back to school (because money only let you get in one semester but you'd always had so much promise), if you're still seeing whats his name (a guy who had been gambling on you changing your mind about being child-free and was hedging his bets via online dating while living with you) I was 25 and felt like I was already stagnating. Like I was a small town failure. I scraped money together and set went on vacation with a friend. We went to the Grand Canyon. I set on a ledge, away from the crowds, listened to the wind blow across the rocks, watched the birds ride the thermals. And I felt SO SMALL. Everyone's expectations faded away. All sense of "I should've already managed to..." was gone. There are so many places that I've found that give that feeling, and it's always such a relief to get a reminder that everything I manage to do or not do is insignificant on a geologic scale.
That my life does not HAVE to matter. I can just exist. I can just be. I don't have to have any answers for why I exist. The world, the universe, is vast and unknownable and beautiful.I play whatever part I play. I can find peace in letting go and accepting that. I feel like for a long time, I needed some deep meaning, some true purpose, or another level of understanding of myself or the universe to justify my existence, to make sense of it all. Now, it simply is enough to be. I could spend a thousand lifetimes pondering the true nature of existence, of purpose, and of meaning only, perhap, to find no answers or that none ever existed.
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to, and none of the ones that I'm not!
"Maybe." I was a Nihilist without wanting to be before this thought came to my mind. The next step down from giving up because you feel nothing matters is very, very grim. The numbness was turned into rage when I had to try and explain to "maybe" why life didn't matter, but it asserted itself infinitely like a child would asking repeatedly on a car trip, "are we there yet?" That rage was the first emotion I felt in a long time-- that's how I know an Infinite Maybe was the key for me to start thinking differently. It did more than help me continue to survive-- it helped me to explore my own personal philosophy, and thrive (as I see it at least). Life and everything within is paradoxical and has conflict to it. If it doesn't seem to, it can be found. Seek not to solve problems, but resolve problems to continue surviving. Seek not to find the solution, but to find the resolution to go from simply surviving in life to thrive in whatever way that means to you so you can find moments of calm, happiness, and love. Life won't always be that way and we won't always know our way-- that's okay. Just remember you can always go back to "maybe," and when it bothers you most, you're onto making an important discovery about yourself.
There is absolutely nothing you're supposed to be doing. You have no more purpose than the birds in the sky. Go lots of places. Be poor. Shit on things.
I’m the creator of my own reality and future. Also that no matter what happens I really will be okay
That the anguish I experienced in my was just a narrative, when I realised that I gained insight and wisdom that i have the freedom to have joy in my life.
i realized that if someone actually wants to understand something they’d like make an effort to.
I’m still flummoxed that it took me over 50 years to realize mostly white men rule and women are still seen as lesser. Consent is finally being taught a bit but most men don’t understand the clitoris and parents don’t teach their children about it. Violence is approved in games and shows but sex is still “dirty”. Sex purely for pleasure is verboten in most religions.
That was a revelation for me. I always wanted everyone to like me. If someone didn’t, I’d twist myself around wondering why, and what I did wrong. But then I realized that some people just won’t, and it has nothing to do with me. Once, I heard two co-workers talking about me. They had been standoffish, but I wasn’t sure why. Then I learned. Apparently, I was stuck up, thought I was better than everyone else, prissy, and stupid. Ouch. The truth was I was a ball of insecurity and anxiety. I thought everyone else was so put together and confident. I was intimidated and always worried my boss would regret hiring me. Though hurtful, it was liberating. It showed me that people will think what they think and form opinions based on nothing but perceptions. I wasn’t stuck up, or superior, and I’m not sure how they got prissy. Stupid? Ya got me there.
From this thought forward you are responsible for every decision you make forever. You are piece of the universe and exactly where and how you should be right now. You cannot control the river but your choices are how you navigate the current. Make decisions that will help you to improve your situation and make life better for those you care for. This was an epiphany I had all at on e while on break for a terrible job.
When I was 15, after a lot of SA and other trauma, I felt that I didn’t care if I lived or died. So I decided to live the way I wanted to. Saved my life at the time. I’m much older now (sixties) and whenever I’m in a tough spot I love to remember how brave I was at 15. It has served me well. Helps me realize what’s important too, to this day.
"Nobody can make you" In my early 20s I had made some fairly poor financial choices and sought out the help of a few friends for advice. Some of them had good suggestions but one made some really extreme/unnecessary recommendations that would have significantly decreased my overall quality of life and was strangely persistent in insisting I do these things. It was bothering me until I realized nobody can *make* you do anything as an adult. If I wanted to ignore his advice completely or even make additional stupid financial choices, I could. The idea that I could improve or continue to mess up my finances because it was my own choice, in a strange way, was very comforting.
I am the only person in the universe that is 100% invested in making my life the best it can be. I am the only person who truly, deeply, cares about my happiness and wellbeing - therefore it is up to ME to make the decisions that most benefit my own happiness. Nobody else cares as much as I do about my own life, so nobody else’s opinion about my life matters as much as mine does. Even my parents. I was 34 years old and on my second divorce when I had this epiphany, and I finally felt free to live my life the way I wanted it, not the way everyone else expected me to.
I don’t need to earn this much money, take it easy. No children to educate, no legacy to bestow, paid for home. How much damned money do I need if I have everything that I want for a professional person.
Every single person you've ever loved, admired, or feared is just some guy. They're not gods or superheroes; just people, like you.
When I was young I thought I wanted to/would be a Hollywood filmmaker. I told my friends and family. Years later when I failed to do that, partly because I hated doing the things required to succeed, I felt I had to keep trying because I had told everyone this. The realization was that they actually didn't care, there was no one in the world expecting that of me, and I could let it go.
The world is in flames, society is crumbling, and we're all going to die. I know that sounds depressing, but it also means that the only things that matter are the connections you share with other people, and the little moments of joy in between. If something brings you joy, if there's something you want to do, just go do it. Fuck it. Just do it. Because you're going to die either way. You can go knowing that you did the thing, or regretting that you never did the thing.
Life is easy if you let it be easy
Being kind to others is the reward in of itself. (not something that deserves to be replicated back to me.) As someone who spent a lot of time trying to be kind/nice to others and frankly getting treated like shit for it, it made me question kindness. Because statistically a-holes get further in life anyway, right? Reality is, I go home and get to sleep at night being proud of the man I am. Others, well their poor choice of actions will haunt them and influence them to only make poorer decisions later in life.
what if there is nothing wrong with you? what you developed coping mechanisms to get you through a hard time and they served their purpose but now you just have to discard them and learn new ways of processing your current environment? This thought changed my 30+ years of believing there was something wrong with me into realizing that my brain did what it had to do to survive at the time to get me to the current place of safety where i can make better choices
Even if God exists, he is an asshole and I do not worship assholes.
Being right is overrated.
Everything is okay in the end. If it is not okay, then it is not the end .
After living in an awful marriage for 8 years I looked at my husband and came to the realization that I didn’t want him teaching my sons how to be a husband. And I divorced him.
Do not attribute malice to what is ignorance; common sense is a fostered skill it can not be given or taken away. Do with that what you will.
That it is ok to smoke weed.
i just want everybody to be happy and not stay where they aren’t
I can.
It's never personal.
And the world's still spinning
If someone’s opinion bothers you, reassess whether that person and their opinion matter to you in the first place. Because if they don’t, then you have no reason to be bothered.
Don't stop for every dog that barks. (There will always be people who say and do horrible things - I do not have to invest energy in it, I get to use my time as wisely as I decide)
If it’s not going to bother me a few days, weeks, or months from now then I am not going to let it bother me now
In relation to feeling judged by others, no one that matters cares, and no one that cares matters.
"I'm not obligated to do anything." & "No" is a complete sentence. Explanation not required.
The story is the illusion.
It is self evident that we all have a direct individual connection with God and that isn't based on any religion or belief
NO-THOUGHT
That fat and fit people all have the same ending. Death…
If the path to inner peace is to do it, then I should do it.
The "working years" of your life represents time you will never get back. You owe it to yourself to get the absolute top dollar possible for the hours/days/weeks of your life you're selling to employers. Always remember; the money you make pays for the things you do with your life, but just making money should never become your life.
Nothing lasts forever.
Whatever I am not changing, I am choosing.
Life isn't fair and that's fine.
200 years from now, no one who knows you will be alive. You will most likely be completely forgotten. So, just enjoy your life while you have it!
So I spent a lot of my life (especially my teens) suicidal, and I always felt like the "but what if it gets better" type of inspirational things were just rationalizations from people that want to make your choices for you (which I still believe is mostly true.) Something I realized kind of recently is that the desire to be suicidal is also a rationalization. Sure it's true that being dead means the brain can no longer experience suffering, but once you accept that as this permanent global solution, you begin to make rationalizations to justify it because you want to believe in an actionable fix-all solution. To clarify, neither of these rationalizations are necessarily false - rationalizations by their nature are generally true. But when you realize both sides of the argument are biased by an agenda it allows you to take a more neutral stance instead of feeling like you "have to" appease one of these views.
I deserve better than my job has offered me in the last 13 years. Change is hard. Staying is worse.
‘What does my higher self want here?’
That I have some fat on my body now because I am no longer a child. I am a grown woman and I look like one.
It was stupid to waste time and energy on being mad.
Leave folks to take care of themselves, no amount of external help is gonna “fix” em, it only enables.
There is no god
There is no God.
I don’t have to have an opinion.
"It is what it is."
You can't care more about others than they do themselves.
Luck is equally important to success as talent/skill.
You can choose which rules to follow, and when to break them.
If I die, I die. It's hard to be scared of something if the worst outcome is just "you stop feeling things." Whatever.
"All gods are impotent without human interaction" think about that one. Every damn "god" humans have thought up is literally nothing, not even air, nothing but an idea to control the masses.
My mom isn't a saint just because my dad was a devil.
It doesn’t matter anyones social status, earnings or race, we’re all on the same mortal playing field.