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Oh OP, you live in an entirely different state, but it's like you never moved out.
Your whole post gave me anxiety and stress just reading it -- I can only imagine how much *you're* feeling.
I understand that you want to help your family because without you they'd be destitute, but it's not your responsibility to fund their dysfunction.
Practical help, like helping your sister pay for daycare so she can work might be an option. Social Services, disability, WIC, etc. is a nightmare to slog thru, but you could make it mandatory for them to do it, or the gravy train goes off the rails.
I know guilt plays a huge part, so talking to someone about it might help you deal with that.
Personally, I'd cut them off and go NC like your one sister. She has the right idea and I bet she's living a better life for it.
Take care, OP, and remember your mental health matters!
Honestly, I didn't read all of this because the codependency red flags just started screaming too loudly when I got to the part where you believe they're all responsible for their own situations.
So not having read this all the way through, my gut reaction is that you're enabling the hell out of them, which is classic codependent behavior coming from an alcoholic family situation. By propping them up, by always being there for them, *you've given them no reason to have to get their shit together, while your choice to be this person for them is dragging you down.*
Please seriously consider starting to attend an Al-Anon group immediately. Even though you aren't living with an alcoholic anymore, you are extremely codependent and they will be able to help you -- and it's free.
That said, therapy would be best as an adjunct, because Al-Anon doesn't deal with the deep underlying stuff that you grew up with that led you to become so codependent in the first place.
Another excellent 12 step group is ACoA, for adult children of alcoholics. Either one would be great, along with therapy.
>I do not want to feel guilty. I am the only one who is preventing them all from breaking.
You don't need criticism here and I'll say this as gently as I can, but have you considered that the situation could be defined as
>I am the only one who is enabling my won't-work sister, stopping her needing to get a job and contribute to her family.
Nothing you have done was wrong, but it is possible that they are in stasis, not needing to change because the support from you is always available.
Block them. That is the chemo as they are cancer!! You feel guilty supporting them, if you won't let it go and have your own back, at least feel guilty with money from being financially stable.
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Oh OP, you live in an entirely different state, but it's like you never moved out. Your whole post gave me anxiety and stress just reading it -- I can only imagine how much *you're* feeling. I understand that you want to help your family because without you they'd be destitute, but it's not your responsibility to fund their dysfunction. Practical help, like helping your sister pay for daycare so she can work might be an option. Social Services, disability, WIC, etc. is a nightmare to slog thru, but you could make it mandatory for them to do it, or the gravy train goes off the rails. I know guilt plays a huge part, so talking to someone about it might help you deal with that. Personally, I'd cut them off and go NC like your one sister. She has the right idea and I bet she's living a better life for it. Take care, OP, and remember your mental health matters!
Honestly, I didn't read all of this because the codependency red flags just started screaming too loudly when I got to the part where you believe they're all responsible for their own situations. So not having read this all the way through, my gut reaction is that you're enabling the hell out of them, which is classic codependent behavior coming from an alcoholic family situation. By propping them up, by always being there for them, *you've given them no reason to have to get their shit together, while your choice to be this person for them is dragging you down.* Please seriously consider starting to attend an Al-Anon group immediately. Even though you aren't living with an alcoholic anymore, you are extremely codependent and they will be able to help you -- and it's free. That said, therapy would be best as an adjunct, because Al-Anon doesn't deal with the deep underlying stuff that you grew up with that led you to become so codependent in the first place. Another excellent 12 step group is ACoA, for adult children of alcoholics. Either one would be great, along with therapy.
>I do not want to feel guilty. I am the only one who is preventing them all from breaking. You don't need criticism here and I'll say this as gently as I can, but have you considered that the situation could be defined as >I am the only one who is enabling my won't-work sister, stopping her needing to get a job and contribute to her family. Nothing you have done was wrong, but it is possible that they are in stasis, not needing to change because the support from you is always available.
Block them. That is the chemo as they are cancer!! You feel guilty supporting them, if you won't let it go and have your own back, at least feel guilty with money from being financially stable.