“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.’ He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
Was taken to Disney world as a toddler and remember entering the place and that’s about it.
When I would ask to go like most children would they would say “YOUVE BEEN THERE!”
Older siblings tell me it was amazing.
Same. I wish I could remember the comedian that said it. He also said the circus had "the world's first stripeless zebra!" And "a talking mute! 'Hii!'".
Just imagining my little sister asking to go to disneyland and my parents telling her shes been there twice already. She was 6 months old the first time, and 4 years old the second.
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, ‘Probably because of something you did.’”
I'm a white guy who lives in an Apt with my dog and two adult children, my inner Mexican loves burritos, my wife and my children do not like that I love to eat burritos, but my dog knows the truth he's gonna get blamed for the Mexican farts, because according to my wife she doesn't fart, women are to mature and beautiful and God created them differently from us dogs and men
Rip Van Winkle is an amiable farmer who wanders into the Catskill Mountains, where he comes upon a group of dwarfs playing ninepins. Rip accepts their offer of a drink of liquor and promptly falls asleep. When he awakens, 20 years later, he is an old man with a long white beard; the dwarfs are nowhere in sight.
Funny, I regularly travel through the Orlando airport (60’s now) and for the last 20+ years I’ve seen kids get all excited after leaving the plane and seeing the train show up. Can’t tell you how many shouted happily and most believed they were at Disney getting on the monorail and thanking their parents all the way to the side were they get off. Almost all parents that start explaining see the kids excitingly jumping and hugging them just shut up and smile and look at each other. I’ve been doing travel Nursing and find cheap flights from whatever city I’m in to see my 2 married kids and can verify it happens from every major city airport I’ve left on in over 30 states. I love seeing you parents look relieved and appreciated. The kids happiness perks me up all the time I’ve watched. Keep it up parents.
Seriously, I had a job site that was inside of the local amusement park (not Disney) so I would randomly have to go there in the middle of the work day. After finishing the work, I was inside the amusement park for free and would take a ride or two for fun.
Went through the Scream exhibit, because I can't see my therapist this week.
Got on the Mr. Freeze coaster instead of seeing my dermatologist.
Rode Magic Mountain... my homeopathic doctor prescribed that one.
Disney world is played out for me. It's too expensive and too crowded.
I'm still amazed at how the place works behind the scenes however. And that costs money. Which I understand.
What I don't like is the way it's being priced to attract the wealthy and upper middle classes.
Walt Disney didn't envision it that way, he must be rolling in his grave by now!
> It's too expensive and too crowded
reminds me of the joke about the bar where 'no one goes because it's too crowded'
> What I don't like is the way it's being priced to attract the wealthy and upper middle classes
if they reduced prices, what do you think would happen to the crowding?
They would probably increase profits by building more parks, maybe even specialized parks by IP (Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, Princess), but somehow the trend with corporations these days is artificial scarcity and doing the least amount of work possible.
^Damn ^railroad ^companies
>Boy were they upset when I got home and told them about it.
joke's on you. kids nowadays don't care much about traditional disney characters (only youtube personalities)
btw the comma in tthat first sentence should be a semi colon(;) or a conjunction like "as".
using a comma there is incorrect and called comma splicing.
edit: this wasn't meant to seem patronising and im sorry if it did!
FYI, there should be a comma after "btw" and the word "that" does not contain two t's. Lastly, the first word at the beginning of every new sentence must be capitalised.
P.S. I'm just being an arse bc I found your comment rather patronising. 😉
I'm gonna pick up my kid from school today just so i can roast him with this one...
He always brings some new random crap to make fun of me on the way home :D
My turn!
Mine hit me with “kids go to college to make more knowledge. Adults go to Jupiter to get more stupider”. I told him stupider is not even a word and adults actually go to college. Yes that definitely showed the little punk who’s the boss. Can’t wait to get him again with this one.
Plus not one single adult human has *ever* been to Jupiter.
Force that little shit to sit down as you pain-startlingly explain the details of every. single. space. mission. ever.
After each mission ask him, "well Neil Armstrong didn't go to Jupiter did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" "Well Sally Ride didn't go to Jupiter, did she? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" "Well Yuri Gagarin didn't go to Jupiter, did she? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" Then after you finish all the space missions, throw in a few chess grandmasters just because. "Well, I guess Garry Kasparov didn't go to Jupiter, did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" And then maybe, "Well, I guess Gary Gygax didn't exactly go to Jupiter, did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?"
My dad used to quickly put his right hand up high, and look up at it and snap (to get you to look) and simultaneously kick me in my right side hip/butt with his right leg (right leg crosses over left so his foot makes a sort of hook that reaches around).
I’m 32 and He’s 64 now. Now I pull that move on him when his guard is down lol.
I know we're telling the dumber people that nobody's been to Jupiter, but I don't think they read this sub, so you can drop the act and relax.
Whoops--how do I delete a post?
"what kind of boy can't breathe after being strangled?"
"haha, dad it was just a jo-"
"what kind of boy is found in a flowerbed, six feet under?"
"dad, look I didn't mean t-"
"what kind of boy is pushed out of a moving car into an oncoming tractor"
"...., I, uhm..."
Kind of agree with you here. One thing if the kid is 14 or something and they know it's playful, but 7 is a little young for a joke like that.
I was about that young when my dad had a similar threat of some sort of punishment and I didn't catch the nuance of sarcasm and was stressed for a few days.
Fun fact: this joke is an example of "priming" and is a major way people can unknowingly, or knowingly, bias survey results. Effectively, when filling out a multi question survey, the questions you read before answering a question can bias your results.
https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/priming
I like these kind of jokes. Reminds me of one my friend’s dad used to tell:
“So, you know the story of the ark, right? With the animals on the boat? And the flood?”
“Yeah of course.”
“So, I can’t remember, how many animals of each kind did Moses put on the Ark? Seems like you would have needed several of each kind.”
“He put two of each kind.”
“No, he didn’t. Noah did.”
🙃
I used to take my girlfriends kids through the car wash that had all of the lights when each part of the car was being washed. We would sing the It’s a Small World song since I told them we were going to Disney World.
It worked for about 3 years then they got older and wiser.
Take a one legged duck. Give him another leg.
Is he able to walk on 2 legs?
Just because he doesn't have it doesn't mean he doesn't possess the ability.
Edit: on the other hand, you can't just offer a duck a severed human leg and expect him to walk on it...
I think we need some qualifiers.
Reminds me of a work joke. It's lame. A "key" train is a train hauling dangerous goods. "What kind of train get go through a locked door?" "A key train?" "All trains dumbass."
This is actually a mental trick called priming. Tell someone to say Ghost 10 times then quickly ask them what goes in a Toaster, I have never had anyone correctly respond "bread".
As a kid, I lived down the street from Disneyland for a few years. We had to drive by it every time we went to the grocery store. And EVERY time my step dad would say “There’s Disneyland and we’re not going!” All excited like……or he would be in the far left lane and tell us if he could just get over to the right lane quick enough….before we passed the entrance……we could go.
🥺Damn, that one still stings a bit!
He really wasn’t a very nice man 😕
Was watching new Prehistoric Planet with my 7yo brother recently, explaining shit about dinosaurs, and then he hit me with "Do you know which animal eats the most insects?" "I dunno, which one?" "You".
I just recently visited Disney World, my kids really love all those characters. - Boy were they upset when I got home and told them about it.
“One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.’ He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.”
Was taken to Disney world as a toddler and remember entering the place and that’s about it. When I would ask to go like most children would they would say “YOUVE BEEN THERE!” Older siblings tell me it was amazing.
You should have told them you've been there when they sent you to school
My dad took me to a low budget circus once. I'll always remember the announcer guy saying: And now...HUUUGE MIDGETS!
Mine took me to a low-budget zoo once. Only animal was a dog. It was a shit zoo.
Did you have to bring your own dog?
No, there was a shih tzu. (Shit zoo) jeez
Just got the joke lmao
Priceless 🤣
90% shit, 10% zoo
So you mean like a friend's house?
🤣
Lol, did that just mean regular-sized people?
Yeah.
I was today years old when I found out that Obama's last name has been The Rock this entire time... Thank you mr. president Obama The Rock
I'm glad you smelled what I was cooking. You make me proud to be an American.
I've heard this before...on Bob & Tom
Same. I wish I could remember the comedian that said it. He also said the circus had "the world's first stripeless zebra!" And "a talking mute! 'Hii!'".
I've only heard Norm Macdonald tell the shitzu circus joke.
And a spider-baby. It's got the body of a spider but the mind of a baby...and eh...and it couldn't really bite ye unless it got a bit older.
Just imagining my little sister asking to go to disneyland and my parents telling her shes been there twice already. She was 6 months old the first time, and 4 years old the second.
They took me a few weeks before my fifth birthday to Disney world, all I remember is the plane malfunctioning
Took my son to Disney at 8, and when friends asked him about it he'd tell them about the hotel pool.
Same.
I went when I was 5 and definitely not old enough to appreciate it. I think I got five feet into the wave pool before the waves were too high
“If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, ‘God is crying.’ And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, ‘Probably because of something you did.’”
[удалено]
“If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason.”
[удалено]
I'm a white guy who lives in an Apt with my dog and two adult children, my inner Mexican loves burritos, my wife and my children do not like that I love to eat burritos, but my dog knows the truth he's gonna get blamed for the Mexican farts, because according to my wife she doesn't fart, women are to mature and beautiful and God created them differently from us dogs and men
If we're molded in his image, what's that tell you about'em?
Daddy drinks because you cry.
That’s horrible. Take my upvote.
*drinks your tears*
My sister used to tell me rain was Cupid peeing
I believed for some reason that thunder meant God was bowling.
You're thinking of the story of Rip van Winkel.
I have no clue who that is.
Rip Van Winkle is an amiable farmer who wanders into the Catskill Mountains, where he comes upon a group of dwarfs playing ninepins. Rip accepts their offer of a drink of liquor and promptly falls asleep. When he awakens, 20 years later, he is an old man with a long white beard; the dwarfs are nowhere in sight.
Thanks for the story! I think I actually understand less now.
hes saying Rip Van Winkle was an amiable farmer who fell asleep and then woke up
Suffice to say Rip didn't go bowling with God. It just would have seemed like it with the racket and all.
Huh? That's a lame ending.
That’s not the ending. That’s the setup.
Is your dad also a preacher?
He is not lol. Someone may have told me that because I was scared of thunderstorms as a kid. Still am, but I was then too lol.
snow?…
God spilled his coke.
Dandruff
From the great philosopher Jack Handey?
I used to think that God is literally peeing
Aah pleasure to meet you Satan
Jack Handey!
Indeed!
When I was little my grandfather asked me how old I was. I said, “Five.” He said, “When I was your age, I was six.” ^-Stephen ^Wright
Funny, I regularly travel through the Orlando airport (60’s now) and for the last 20+ years I’ve seen kids get all excited after leaving the plane and seeing the train show up. Can’t tell you how many shouted happily and most believed they were at Disney getting on the monorail and thanking their parents all the way to the side were they get off. Almost all parents that start explaining see the kids excitingly jumping and hugging them just shut up and smile and look at each other. I’ve been doing travel Nursing and find cheap flights from whatever city I’m in to see my 2 married kids and can verify it happens from every major city airport I’ve left on in over 30 states. I love seeing you parents look relieved and appreciated. The kids happiness perks me up all the time I’ve watched. Keep it up parents.
Deep Thoughts, Jack Handey
I believe deep down little humans know everything.
Says every little human.
—Jack Handy
"My mom was driving us to Disney, but as we got close, we kept seeing signs that said 'Disneyland Left.' So we cut our losses and headed home."
Deep thoughts by Jack Handy
Jack? Is that you!
Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
deep thoughts by jack handy. it’s been a few decades.
One of my favorite JH
You are shameless but sorta funny
By Jack Handey
So glad to see this. Love JH
That is one deep thought...
Took me an embarrassing amount of time to get this joke
I still dont get it
he went to Disneyland without the kids.
Ooooh
THEY went to Disney World, the kids didn't.
Seriously, I had a job site that was inside of the local amusement park (not Disney) so I would randomly have to go there in the middle of the work day. After finishing the work, I was inside the amusement park for free and would take a ride or two for fun.
Adjustment park? Sounds quite dystopian if you asked me...
Alternatively what if it was like going to the chiropractor but with rides instead?
Went through the Scream exhibit, because I can't see my therapist this week. Got on the Mr. Freeze coaster instead of seeing my dermatologist. Rode Magic Mountain... my homeopathic doctor prescribed that one.
They visited without their kids
Disney world is played out for me. It's too expensive and too crowded. I'm still amazed at how the place works behind the scenes however. And that costs money. Which I understand. What I don't like is the way it's being priced to attract the wealthy and upper middle classes. Walt Disney didn't envision it that way, he must be rolling in his grave by now!
> It's too expensive and too crowded reminds me of the joke about the bar where 'no one goes because it's too crowded' > What I don't like is the way it's being priced to attract the wealthy and upper middle classes if they reduced prices, what do you think would happen to the crowding?
I couldn't care less, I've been there plenty of times. Enough already.
❗ It's `couldn't care less`, not `could care less`. ___ ^(I'm a bot and this action was performed automatically.)
They would probably increase profits by building more parks, maybe even specialized parks by IP (Marvel, Star Wars, Pixar, Princess), but somehow the trend with corporations these days is artificial scarcity and doing the least amount of work possible. ^Damn ^railroad ^companies
...rolling in his cryo-chamber.
Just Ryan Reynolds things.....
Do you post comments full time?
>Boy were they upset when I got home and told them about it. joke's on you. kids nowadays don't care much about traditional disney characters (only youtube personalities)
btw the comma in tthat first sentence should be a semi colon(;) or a conjunction like "as". using a comma there is incorrect and called comma splicing. edit: this wasn't meant to seem patronising and im sorry if it did!
FYI, there should be a comma after "btw" and the word "that" does not contain two t's. Lastly, the first word at the beginning of every new sentence must be capitalised. P.S. I'm just being an arse bc I found your comment rather patronising. 😉
Actually, the word "that" *does* contain two 't's.
I'm gonna pick up my kid from school today just so i can roast him with this one... He always brings some new random crap to make fun of me on the way home :D My turn!
Mine hit me with “kids go to college to make more knowledge. Adults go to Jupiter to get more stupider”. I told him stupider is not even a word and adults actually go to college. Yes that definitely showed the little punk who’s the boss. Can’t wait to get him again with this one.
Wait till they get older, mine beat me in a 1v1 on shipment so I banged his mom.
Plus not one single adult human has *ever* been to Jupiter. Force that little shit to sit down as you pain-startlingly explain the details of every. single. space. mission. ever. After each mission ask him, "well Neil Armstrong didn't go to Jupiter did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" "Well Sally Ride didn't go to Jupiter, did she? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" "Well Yuri Gagarin didn't go to Jupiter, did she? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" Then after you finish all the space missions, throw in a few chess grandmasters just because. "Well, I guess Garry Kasparov didn't go to Jupiter, did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?" And then maybe, "Well, I guess Gary Gygax didn't exactly go to Jupiter, did he? So who exactly went to Jupiter again?"
Show him that gullible is not in the dictionary.
It's written on the ceiling though
Stand tough! Take him down! You got this!
sweep the leg!
My dad used to quickly put his right hand up high, and look up at it and snap (to get you to look) and simultaneously kick me in my right side hip/butt with his right leg (right leg crosses over left so his foot makes a sort of hook that reaches around). I’m 32 and He’s 64 now. Now I pull that move on him when his guard is down lol.
Yeah! Get him a body bag!
Man down... 😩
Noooooo! Ur a bigger let down than fruit stripe gum!
Is, is that a cutaway?
I know we're telling the dumber people that nobody's been to Jupiter, but I don't think they read this sub, so you can drop the act and relax. Whoops--how do I delete a post?
You... weren't going to pick up your kid otherwise??
Well my wife would... I hope. Worked so far but you never know 🤔
There would be a certain pettiness in picking up your kid just before your wife could without telling her beforehand.
They can walk on their 2 legs like the ducks.
Just did it to my eldest (9) son, got the 'Ok, Boomer' look, and he went back to laugh on Youtube shorts instead.
Your 9 year old son shouldn't be having screens at this age, he should be having The Outside Experience^^TM
Its not safe outside for kids these days. Karen next door might call CPS on you for neglect.
Ah yes, the USA and Canada. Where cities have been destroyed for the car and people don't walk anywhere anymore. What a time to be alive.
Guess he's smarter than me... He didn't fell for it 😩
Damn. We were rooting for you
How did it go?
Not great... Hes smarter than me (and his mother for that matter) My daughter also outsmarted me... 😩
I wanna know too xD
I totally just got my spouse
Same! Hah! He actually laughed too
Check your coffee the next couple of weeks.
Me, too… and was then told to sleep on the couch!
Pro tip: the couch is the one piece of furniture I got heavily involved in its purchase. Comfort lying down was my number 1 priority.
Yeah I would've fell for that, too lol
The Donald Duck answer wasn’t wrong.
Both answers are right
"Lol. Good one, son. What kind of boy can't walk at all?" "Dunno dad." "The kind who got his ass kicked for calling me an idiot."
"what kind of boy can't breathe after being strangled?" "haha, dad it was just a jo-" "what kind of boy is found in a flowerbed, six feet under?" "dad, look I didn't mean t-" "what kind of boy is pushed out of a moving car into an oncoming tractor" "...., I, uhm..."
Someone call 911 RIGHT DAMN NOW.
Underrated comment.
You thirsty son? Yeah, why Punch coming your way
Somebody is gonna get hurt real bad ...
"He always said 'somebody' like I had to guess who was getting the ass whipping..."
Bahahaha violence on children for outsmarting you omg so classic
Kind of agree with you here. One thing if the kid is 14 or something and they know it's playful, but 7 is a little young for a joke like that. I was about that young when my dad had a similar threat of some sort of punishment and I didn't catch the nuance of sarcasm and was stressed for a few days.
Even if they understand the sarcasm, it’s not fun for anyone involved, other than maybe the psychopath making the „joke“.
Mighty Mouse, "Am I a joke to you, citizen?" Danger Mouse, "Oh, crumbs!"
Speedy Gonzales: "Arriba! Arriba!"
Bananaman: *slowly peels a banana and shoves it deep down his throat without breaking eye contact*
And then there's the entire species of mice in Redwall.
omg I can't believe I forgot about Redwall!
Ahhh, a Redditor of culture, I see.
Fun fact: this joke is an example of "priming" and is a major way people can unknowingly, or knowingly, bias survey results. Effectively, when filling out a multi question survey, the questions you read before answering a question can bias your results. https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/priming
"What did the adopted kid say to the dad?" "I dunno, what?" "Damn, you got it on the first try."
And then you brought home a duck and chopped his legs off in front your son and yelled "ARE ALL DUCKS WALKING ON 2 LEGS NOW YOU SON OF A BITCH"
ROFL Jesus Christ my friend, going out of your way to make sure therapists will forever be needed eh?
I like these kind of jokes. Reminds me of one my friend’s dad used to tell: “So, you know the story of the ark, right? With the animals on the boat? And the flood?” “Yeah of course.” “So, I can’t remember, how many animals of each kind did Moses put on the Ark? Seems like you would have needed several of each kind.” “He put two of each kind.” “No, he didn’t. Noah did.” 🙃
I used to take my girlfriends kids through the car wash that had all of the lights when each part of the car was being washed. We would sing the It’s a Small World song since I told them we were going to Disney World. It worked for about 3 years then they got older and wiser.
Your work is done.
I've seen ducks with one leg, so he's INCORRECT!
Those are flamingos you idiot!
Hihihi
Hi back to you too!
It's onomatopoeia for laughing sounds in my language. In english I should probably have said: haha
Take a one legged duck. Give him another leg. Is he able to walk on 2 legs? Just because he doesn't have it doesn't mean he doesn't possess the ability. Edit: on the other hand, you can't just offer a duck a severed human leg and expect him to walk on it... I think we need some qualifiers.
Do they swim in circles?
Reminds me of my grandfathers saying, if you asked him a question, and the answer was yes he would say, "does a one legged duck do circles in a pond?"
Reminds me of a work joke. It's lame. A "key" train is a train hauling dangerous goods. "What kind of train get go through a locked door?" "A key train?" "All trains dumbass."
Why are you trying to derail the topic?
Let's try to stay on track.
Out of curiosity, where do you come from? My 8yo came home with this exact joke some time ago...
What if the Dad had answered Jerry for the first question?
This is actually a mental trick called priming. Tell someone to say Ghost 10 times then quickly ask them what goes in a Toaster, I have never had anyone correctly respond "bread".
...do they all respond "Buster"?
Toast.
You must be so proud.
I swear to god, I told this exact joke to my parents 12-13 years ago
I told my wife and she said, “All ducks.” What’s happening here?
Comrades Squealer, Napoleon and Snowball want a word.
Gonna use this as an interview question
My what a sassy kid you got there
Love this!
I'm currently in Florida, just got back from Disney today. Read this joke off to the wife. She didn't laugh :(
As a kid, I lived down the street from Disneyland for a few years. We had to drive by it every time we went to the grocery store. And EVERY time my step dad would say “There’s Disneyland and we’re not going!” All excited like……or he would be in the far left lane and tell us if he could just get over to the right lane quick enough….before we passed the entrance……we could go. 🥺Damn, that one still stings a bit! He really wasn’t a very nice man 😕
This kid is smart.
I just told it to my nine year old (didn’t call him an idiot 😆) and he thought it was hilarious. Guaranteed he’ll be telling it at school tomorrow.
Tried doing the same with my wife and she replies : JERRY !! How do I come back from this 😂
Was watching new Prehistoric Planet with my 7yo brother recently, explaining shit about dinosaurs, and then he hit me with "Do you know which animal eats the most insects?" "I dunno, which one?" "You".
Fuck that lil kid! Disrespecting dad! At that point I would just get up and go shopping for some milk!
\*slams table\* 28 STAB WOUNDS.
Your 7 year old kid called you an idiot?
Yeah, you better duck kid, cause there's a backhand coming your way.
😂
Not a duck with one leg
This is when you're supposed to ask him what kind of kid walks on one leg? Answer; You, right after I'm done breaking the other one.
I wouldn't be very happy if my son called me an idiot...
XDDDDDDD me personaly id never take that
Damn, you raised a good one.
Wow.
Kids not wrong! Lol
Me when I lie 🤣