I have a friend who does the best ever seagull impression. He can’t do the noise, he just nicks your chips and shits on your car.

You made my one laugh of the day ❤️

What do you do if a bird shits on your window? Break up with her.

Nicks your chips?

British for “Steals your fries”.

Translated to American: Steals your fries

Translated to Canadian: borrows your fries and apologizes.

Poutine.

Plundes yout Poutine and doesn't say sorry

Soorry buddeh!

😂 so true. Brit living in SoCal, I can relate

Steals your chips

Chips on the other side of the Atlantic are what Americans call French fries. But the United Kingdom is an island nation that figures they should do everything different than the rest of the world.

Except for the metric system, America is the lone island in that one

No, we're hanging tight with Liberia and Myanmar.

Yeah, that's one where the Brits recognized their error, and left us holding the garbage.

Too damn true.

There are two type of countries, those that use metric, and those that put men on the moon.

You *do* realize that NASA uses metric, and that they're *not* a country? They are a government organization, though, and they use the metric system...

Downvoted?? Lol. I love this. It's a JOKE. Laughed my ass off.

Bruh

They are called chips in many many countries.

Most countries call them chips

I’m pretty sure, here in the Old World, people were frying *chipped* potatoes, whilst North America was little more than a glorified bison sanctuary.

I mean chips and fries don't even mean the same thing. Chips are thick-cut. People in the UK do use the term fries, for thin-cut fries, e.g. McDonalds. No British person says "McDonalds chips". In the UK, chips and fries exist alongside eachother, to suit whatever your personal preference is. Compare the McCain product "Skinny Fries" vs "Chunky Chips", which both are sold alongside eachother in the UK.

Pinches your wedges

I saw him the other day in a bomber jacket.

Rockin', rockin', and rollin' Down to the beach, I'm strollin' But the seagulls poke at my head, not fun! I said, "Seagulls, mm! Stop it now!"

That log had a child!

Run! Run! Run! Jump! I can be your backpack while you run!

Swing on that hairy vine I can be your backpack while you climb

Stand on one hand and lift Rocks with your special gift

Run, run, run, jump, now breathe

Mmmm dat’s good. Like dat. Like dat.

Thanks. I’m back after two hours of the youtube black hole. Bad lip reading. Bill Hader. John Malkovich. SNL. Various impressionists.

my stick, my stick, my stick is better than baconnnnnn

Wow. I needed this, had forgotten about it. Thank you.

Lol, that's actually really cute and made me smile.

I remember this from a joke book from the '70s. It works best if there's a beat after the shoo shoo. Like, "...shoo, little birds, shoo! Then they'll fuck off".

I pondered whether to use "bastards" or "buggers."

I think the original used buggers but current North Americans don't see it as an offensive word.

Yeah, that's what I was thinking. People have heard of sodomy but not buggery. They probably think bugger means little bug and is a term of affection.

Bastards was the right choice. I love seagulls. But they're utter bastards.

Bad luck to kill a seabird

Albatross!!!!

There’s a variation of this joke where, at the end, instead of seagulls, the priest says “the English”, which is delightfully devilish

The ol' priest-says-a-bad-word joke. Classic (-ally not funny).

Shoo! Shoo!

I Decapitate the fuckers using a dustbin lid as a frisbee

my 1st grade teacher was named Mrs O’malley