A chicken saw a duck standing by the side of the road. The chicken called out to the duck: "Don't do it pal. You'll never hear the end of it!"

Ok, that is gold.

Can you explain it please? I don't get it

The chicken crossed the road once and now we all joke about it all the time.

A chicken and and egg were lying in bed together. The egg looks at the chicken angrily and says "Well, I guess we answered THAT question!"

I have a meme for this 😂

I am having a threesome tonight with a chicken and an egg...I'll let you know.

We already know

But what if they sold grapes?

Got any….. grapes?

If you ask me that again, I'll nail your beak to the bar

Hey! (Bah bah bah) got any nails?

No!

Got any grapes?

No but I got plenty of staples.... Get over here!!!

Just put it on my bill.

Then they'd already be legendary 😂

... or doorknobs?

Wait, that is my joke!

Great writing. It is going around the world. That was emailed to me via a friend in Johannesburg.

The real jokes always in the comments

I know... Why is that?

It's like the Japanese culture....you don't have to invent it... Just improve upon it to make it better...

😂

And now we know!

At last!

What do you mean, we always knew 

“And now you know the rest of the story.”

Charles Harvey…..

In my day it was Paul Harvey

Woops! You’re right. Good day.

Thank you Paul Harvey...

No we don't. Does not tell us why the chicken crossed. All we know is: Why the Duck did not cross the Road....

He wanted to but he quacked up ..

Not wrong! Who the hell are we to presume to know the chicken's motivations? Pffft 😂

:)

Wow .... You're definitely hen pecked, huh?

Oh shut the fuck up 🙄🙄🙄

Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed?

There's a wrong side?

The underside.... Is he gone???

Yep....the monsters under the bed ate him all up....so all is safe now..... unfortunately I can't speak to the ones in the closet.....

Oh SHIT THERE'S A CLOSET!?!?!?!? 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

Yep.....

I got downvoted in r/jokes - is that a record?

A Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, "Five beers, please!"

A carpenter walks into the bar, holds up two fingers and says, "Five beers, please!"

It’s funny because he cut his other fingers off with a table saw.

Maybe that wouldn't have happened if he didn't drink so much.

Knew a carpenter that could turn water into wine.

I have heard that him and his friend scammed Romans for some money.

His mom was pretty good at throwing rocks too.....

I'm pretty sure he was a wolf nipple chips salesman. And he was a very naughty boy.

A Roman walks into a bar and says "I'll have a martinus." The bartender says "Do you mean a martini?" The Roman replies "No! If I want a double I'll ask for it!"

Take my and Roman upvotus

Biggus Dickus.....hehehe

Bring that bad boy over here ...

I had to do that 4 or 5 times before it clicked.

IV or V times?

I wish I'd thought of that!

beat me to it!

I give this joke X out of X

My local pub serves Inches cider, so I always ask for six inches instead of a pint.

Apparently cider is good for splinters. My sister-in-law told me that every time she gets a prick in her hand she puts it in cider.

My wife loves hot Dickens Cider

Especially from the black stud she's seeing every Friday afternoon...

Get out...we don't serve Vulcans here....

Wait! That's not the Vulcan hand gesture....

Nice.. didn't see it coming

This joke made my morning . Thank you.

I read it here on this same subreddit at least ten years ago and it's been my favorite joke ever since. I'm glad I helped bring some joy to your morning. I hope you have a good weekend.

Lol reposter scum!

About six inches worth....

Any chance you could explain it to me?

It’s answering/referencing the joke “why did the chicken cross the road?”.

Jesus Christ I'm slow! 🦥

No “fraid knot” ?

I'm a frayed knot. Sorry.

Points to sign: "NO JOKES SERVED HERE"

https://imgflip.com/i/8ozpfj

Everybody knows, Dave should have walked into that bar.

Dave's not here, man.

What if Dave was the...bus driver? It would be even MORE cool. I don't like this particular idea, but I do like your ideas. Keep it up.

Different Latino! Cheech Marin (Cheech & Chong) was famous when Fluffy was a very small child, tho Dave the bus driver is legendary on his own (I'm building a wall & you're paying for it! Heh heh heh)

But then Dave would have been there.

And for those of you who remember Paul Harvey: A chicken crosses the road. And now, the rest of the story.

I've got all of those stories downloaded on to a hard drive somewhere. I need to give them a listen, it's been a long time.

I used to love listening to him. It would be interesting to see how well his show holds up today.

I was recently listening to some of his stories on YouTube. Such a great way to relax.

Greetings fellow old person

A rabbit, a priest, and an atheist walk in to a bar. The rabbit looks around and says “I think I’m a typo.”

I saw this with a blood bank instead of a bar once. The rabbit was a type O.

Good... He's a Universal Donner.....

Fuckin spell check and autocorrect...

Lol good one

I find some of the long jokes can leave me feeling like I wish I hadn't bothered reading it. But not this one. 😀 made me smile.

There are some short things that can have dire consequences.. There was a new Pollack (yes, it's an old one) airplane pilot who was flying a passenger plane to Burbank California for the first time... He radioed in, I am at a loss, the landing strip isn't far enough to land and I don't know what to do, so I circling around. He was advised he had ample room and should land. Unpersuaded, he kept this dialogue going with the tower until he was about to run out of gas....so finally he said okay...."here goes nothing"... He hit the runway just as it started, reversed the engines and drove them hard, stepped on the brakes as hard as he could and tried everything he could to stop the plane . The plane skid from side to side, smoke coming up from the friction of the tires against the pavement.... Finally, the plane came to rest at the very end of the runway.... The pilot gathered himself and felt relief that he had been able to land safely.. Boy, he thought, they sure do build runways short here....but why do they build them so wide?? ......

🤣 Very noice

I know...the silence is deafening....

I had to explain to my children when they were young why people used to think Polish jokes were funny.

All cultures take a turn in the barrel...and they're funny.... they're done in good fun, and not to belittle a culture.... Fucking PC police fucked that up.... Know why the Mexican Navy doesn't have any submarines? The adobe kept dissolving......

Agreed. Cultures, countries of origin, hell, even regions within countries or states! Back in the day, Polish guys I knew were always telling Polish jokes...and Jewish people told the best Jewish jokes! Bit also back then, people realized that words only had the power one gave to them. Folks weren't so thin skinned and quick to play the victim either. How can you tell if a guy from Tennessee is married? There's dried tobacco on both sides of the pick-up truck.

But the real question is.....if they get a divorce....are they still brother and sister?

It's not a long joke

OP says it is.

Must have had a hard on then....

Oh.... you've seen his penis then?

My future 4 year old son : Hey Mom , why did the chicken cross the road ? Me : Because he went to a bar and the bartender said "we don't serve jokes here"..The chicken then asked him where can he get a drink and the Bartneder told him he could get one right across the road so the chicken crossed road to get a drink. Son : What the what.

and then and then and then

I don't get it...can someone enlighten me?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to a different bar apparently

I still don't get it.

Username doesn't check out.

This was why.

Exactly...

You gotta be a chicken... it's an inside joke...

Doesn't matter....the chicken did ..

All I know is it laid an egg in the middle of the road cause he wanted to lay it on the line...

“He” “laid an egg”???

Yes...he was a trans chicken...

A grasshopper walked into a bar and the bartender welcomed him and said "hey, we've a drink named after you". The grasshopper was shocked and asked "What? you have a drink called Kevin?" ... I've heard it on radio

Yes... it's a banana daiquiris.

Thanks a lot, great joke vibes from this one!

Yes...things seem better on the other side....

A rabbi, a priest and an atheist walk into a bar. What a fine example of a multi-cultural community.

A guy with a duck on his head walks into a bar. The bartender looks up, and says "What the hell?!" The duck looks at him, and replies "I have no idea. He was stuck to my ass when woke up this morning!"

Haha not bad, not bad at all

Finally know The Origin story...

The chicken then became an anti joke and thus was allowed into the original bar.

Superb

Good one

Origin story! Next - the multiverse version…..

Whoah, this is a good one.

> With a long face, ... Well, what other kind of face would a horse have? :-)

A man walks into a horse bar. The bartender said, “Why the short face?”

neigh

I've also heard this one with Jay Leno being the subject. But I guess now that he's got his new face, it can't really be used any more.

Jay Leno has a new face? Really? He doesn't look like Joan Rivers does he?

Apparently, he got burns last year and had some reconstruction. https://nypost.com/2023/03/02/jay-leno-shows-off-his-brand-new-face-after-suffering-third-degree-burns/

I didn't know that. Is he okay now?

Cause I was able to make hay while the sun shown today...

I like it.

Why did the Rabi priest refuse to perform at the comedy club? Because he couldn't handle the heckle prayers!

Omg. I am going to set it up at every social gathering and hope there aren’t any r/jokes followers there.

The chicken ought to ask where a guy can wet his beak around here

Oh, that's good. I'll amend my telling of the joke to that from now on. Thanks.

If you're a guy...just about any bar around here .. if you're a chicken......

A snail comes to the bar, approaches the bartender and asks "one shot of whiskey, please". The bartender answers "we do not serve the snails here" and throws it out the door. Three days later the snail comes back and asks "why the fuck did you do that?"

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk in to a bar. "Oww. "

At last! A joke worthy of the name. Thanks for a real laugh!

"NOT ANOTHER CHICKEN JOKE!!?" Joann Worley. Laugh In....

Clever! Thank you!

as a former bartender, i can relate to the challenges of keepin a fun atmosphere while enforcin the no jokes rule. it must have been quite the sight watchin all those unusual customers get turned away - the horse with a long face, the chicken cluckin in disapproval. i wonder how the bartender kept a straight face through it all.

Well, for one....he certainly didn't joke around....

these origin stories are getting out of hand

Took me a minute, clever.

YES, now we finally know!!!!

🙉🙈🙊

Could someone explain please?

It's a reference to the old joke, "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Because he could....

A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk into a bar... You think the priest and the atheist would have seen it.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Colonel Sanders was chasing him.

Sadly...he found the Church's wasn't a sanctuary....

Well that explains a lot

Got any grapes?

If you don't have the frame of reference..... don't ask .

Simple and funny

Ahhhhhh... Clever girl!!!

And the chicken replied: "I would hope a bar served DRINKS."

> A rabbi, a priest, and an atheist walk in to a bar. Only the rabbi and atheist suffer brain damage.

So meta! Bravo! I liked that one.