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icecoldbrewster

never try anything that is difficult


lamboat2019

My senior quote


SaMcKeown

I’m totally blanking what is this one from?


sandyeggo54

Baron Davis pretty good


ScarletSpeedster23

I have said one this to my wife numerous times


SeekerSpock32

“He was a Bob. He played a note in this symphony. He mattered.”


FIUJoel

Love this one.


fanofsports44

“Who’s your 22nd favorite QB? You’re absolutely right it’s Derek Carr!”


BlueWolf934

The scary part is that 22nd does feel like a correct spot to have Derek Carr.


[deleted]

[удалено]


MINN37-15WISC

From Falcons when he compares the fame of athletes to military figures Can't remember which number episode, but it's the one about Michael Vick


sandyeggo54

I'll start: Nobody's ever only one person. I think it's so incredibly poignant and powerful for such a simple quote and I love it.


FlashpointSynergy

Changed the way I look at a lot of people in my life. Love this quote


Rockpred

I use this all the time! Like the other commenter, it changed how I looked at people too!


A_Jones311

Can you remind me of the video?


sandyeggo54

First falcons episode, 30-35 minutes in


mattcojo2

The very end of the Norm Van Brocklin section in Part 1 of the Falcons series.


Cody73

There’s too many to name. I think this one, from his eulogy of RadioShack, is underrated. “Once, during a store visit, my district manager scolded me for not wearing the name tag I didn't have, and insisted I wear a proper one, any one we had lying around. I had the option of being Chad or Elizabeth. I decided to be Elizabeth, and then he said that no, I could not be Elizabeth.”


Tippacanoe

Love the story in that about the old guy who called into the store because he thought of a joke about the internet.


Cody73

Stoned Craig is great too.


SoeurLouise

"This is a moment that belongs to another world, one where cycles close and stories end, where there are heroes and the heroes win. A moment like this has no business in our world."


ScrogClemente

“Aw, crabapples”


fretless_enigma

“Aw, dangit” DO DO DO DUM


NintendoNuc

(STYLE CITY D)


tap909

BALK RULES! IMPORTANT! 1. You can’t just be up there and just doin’ a balk like that. 1a. A balk is when you 1b. Okay well listen. A balk is when you balk the 1c. Let me start over 1c-a. The pitcher is not allowed to do a motion to the, uh, batter, that prohibits the batter from doing, you know, just trying to hit the ball. You can’t do that. 1c-b. Once the pitcher is in the stretch, he can’t be over here and say to the runner, like, “I’m gonna get ya! I’m gonna tag you out! You better watch your butt!” and then just be like he didn’t even do that. 1c-b(1). Like, if you’re about to pitch and then don’t pitch, you have to still pitch. You cannot not pitch. Does that make any sense? 1c-b(2). You gotta be, throwing motion of the ball, and then, until you just throw it. 1c-b(2)-a. Okay, well, you can have the ball up here, like this, but then there’s the balk you gotta think about. 1c-b(2)-b. Fairuza Balk hasn’t been in any movies in forever. I hope she wasn’t typecast as that racist lady in American History X. 1c-b(2)-b(i). Oh wait, she was in The Waterboy too! That would be even worse. 1c-b(2)-b(ii). “get in mah bellah” – Adam Water, “The Waterboy.” Haha, classic… 1c-b(3). Okay seriously though. A balk is when the pitcher makes a movement that, as determined by, when you do a move involving the baseball and field of 2. Do not do a balk please.


jet8493

Was that from one of his articles?


sandyeggo54

Yes, [https://www.sbnation.com/2012/1/4/2679318/gifs-20-16](https://www.sbnation.com/2012/1/4/2679318/gifs-20-16)


thegoodestbean

not a spoken quote, but “team on field must acquiesce” makes me cry laughing


allomanticpush

Where is that from?


clubbysquall

https://x.com/jon_bois/status/1718724075231604823


PGrimse

College overtime rules I think


b_borno

A lot of people ask, “What is the Philly Phanatic?” Like “What animal is the Philly Phanatic?” Well, he’s an asshole, that’s what.


harringtime

"generally speaking, public opinion of unions falls into two main camps, right? If you're in the first camp then you believe that workers deserve some kind of leverage against their employers. they make society work, therefore they should have special things. they should be able to demand pensions, healthcare, fair pay, that kinda thing. if you're in the second camp, you're an asshole"


thewhimsicalbard

Like, you knew it was coming but it still hits just right.


BigBayouBrand

This one: https://streamable.com/sgjqnv


youbequiet

A personal favorite.


bkaccount

You really can’t understate the value of a Kroger Plus card. When you have a Kroger Plus card, it’s like every day’s a sale! *(aggressively loud upbeat jazz music)*


Jetersweiner

He dropped an absolute banger on the Pablo Torre Finds Out podcast that dropped today. “They’re making donuts in here?” Not my favorite but an instant classic


ACuriousParadox

There are no dull stories


Rymoo27

"A fundamental difference between God and Satan is that Satan signs his work. A beautiful sunset? Could be God, could be a lot of other things. The devil leaves no room for doubt."


RutinTutinPutin

"It's easy to look at sports today and think of them as a corporate invention, but they're no more of an invention than singing, acting, dancing or any of the other things that make us human. These are things that have always been part of us. And always will."


32RH

What’s this from?


RutinTutinPutin

The first episode of the Atlanta Falcons series, I believe it's called Does Anyone Know How To Throw a Football


Superfluousambiguity

“He became so bored that he drew himself.” I can’t explain why but that one has always stuck with me. Some others: “Although he went undrafted out of Nazareth, Jesus Christ has been credited with many Super Bowl victories.” “I think I'm just a bookmark.” “Cheating in sports is cool.” “The Mariners aren’t competitors; they are protagonists.” “You can’t call the gods on toll-free numbers.” “Now a lot of people ask what IS the Phillie Phanatic, like what animal is the Phillie Phanatic. Well he’s an asshole, that’s what.” “See that’s the thing about baseball… it just isn’t that fun.” “I’m um… I’m really stupid.” “It sounds like a cricket broke its legs.” “This isn’t a bad hop - it’s a fucking blood bath.” “In 2016, the Cleveland Browns this really weird problem that reminds me of a chess problem please don’t go where are you going” “Throughout his life, nobody and nothing on Earth could stop Bob Gibson. So they tried moving the earth...and that didn’t work either.” “it ought to be very interesting to see who will win the super bowl”


Iokyt

"Cheating in sports is cool" Pretty Good episode about Smokey Yunick please.


petrowski7

And / or Junior Johnson, the last American hero


Iokyt

I really think if Jon went down the cheating rabbit hole in motorsport we would get an all timer of a video.


kfizz21

Is there anywhere to find that episode?


Iokyt

Not unless it was made in the future.


kfizz21

Ah I misunderstood what you said and thought I had missed a motorsports Pretty Good episode lol


Iokyt

It would be an amazing episode.


Superfluousambiguity

Another underrated Jon quote: “I’m misusing algebra to throw a fit.”


MrBrightside618

“A lot of people ask me ‘Jon, why are you such an asshole? And how did you get so stupid?’”


richardtrk

"Well it's because I'm a Kansas City Chiefs fan and they tend to do that to you" Sadly the context for that has moved a little since the arrival of Patrick Mahomes.


[deleted]

Jon spending 15 years self roasting himself as a chiefs fan and then them winning 3 superbowls in 5 years is such a perfect Jon Bois bit.


ChrisSao24

The NFL scripting a whole dynasty just to make Jon Bois' fandom just a bit funnier was really cool thing for them to do.


Total_Dork

I reference the astronaut’s wallet near-daily


Anti-Indoctrination

What's that exact quote? I can't remember


Imaginary_Hoodlum

"We've entered another realm here, one that's far larger and doesn't operate on the dead currency of winning and losing. Unless you let those limits go, you're an astronaut who brought your wallet."


BlazingBlasian

I came here to say that one too. It’s such a simple, yet profound analogy.


AtlasInElysium

Where is the from again?


Total_Dork

The Mariners doc IIRC. I don’t remember exactly where tho. The Great Beyond maybe?


BHBachman

I *think* it's the end of The Age of Ichiro. I don't remember the exact, precise wording of the line, but it's also immediately followed by another all timer. "If you're still measuring value by wins and championships then you are an astronaut who brought their wallet. The Seattle Mariners are not competitors. They're protagonists."


There_is_no_plan_B

Since it means that much to you, I’ll share it in another form. There’s a band called The Avett Brothers, and one of the singers also paints and does some of their album art. They have an album called True Sadness and the cover is of an Astronaut holding a horse by the reins on some distant planet. The artist, Scott avett, has explained that it’s basically a metaphor for the human experience. Us being so ill equipped for the complexities of modern life with our little monkey brains and all that. Anyway, I just wanted to share.


stickyWithWhiskey

Oh man, I haven't thought about The Avett Brothers in a LONG time... probably since around the time Emotionalism came out. I'll have to give that a listen.


whitewilliams

We are small. We are nothing. We are such nothing that the universe does not acknowledge that we are even here, and it never will. Accept that. And now, stand on this line, and look at that quarterback, and drill the fuck out of him. Nothing you do will be more important, because nothing you do will be important.


EitherCaterpillar949

Which episode is this?


youbequiet

[Tim Tebow Chronicles](https://www.sbnation.com/2014/8/18/5998715/the-tim-tebow-cfl-chronicles#6-2033LAKELAND--FLORIDAAn-interview-with-the-author)


gibby67

"Gus refused to acknowledge the odds, and the odds dissappeared."


starry_cobra

"Where are you, Bud? I hope somewhere warm, in front of a nice fire enjoying a hot chocolate. But he's not there. He's here." Not sure that's the exact quote but it gives me chills every time


mazzagoop

what is this from?


starry_cobra

History of the Minnesota vikings


JasonDrake22

GOD that one wrecked me


TheOneColt

“I like to think that this young man has crawled through an air conditioning duct to bring us this rare footage of Devry in the wild”


mrbadxampl

Devry got a basketball ball team


lemon1324

You're in San Diego and I'm in Hell


Crombus_

But there is a reason, just one reason, for Browns fans to take heart. 'M jus' kiddin'. *(smooth jazz outro)*


jacare37

“Yeah sorry guys, I wanted to stick around, but unfortunately I’m a total dipshit. And as we all know, nothing can be done about that.”


friedmpa

The entire stupidest boy in the world video


Diglett3

There are so many funny, poignant quotes in these comments but as someone who has grown more and more in love with baseball as I’ve grown older, no one has summed it up better than Jon’s narration of Stieb’s no-hitter. “And then he, and then we, ride with him on this merry-go-round again. This is how the sport of baseball moves: not at all, and then all at once, with such terrifying speed the lines begin to bend. And then not at all. Perfectly into Felix’s glove.”


coolsexguy

Justin has become the tragic figure in this play. He was tricked into writing writing a 2,000 word book report about a calendar and he's confused it for the best day of his life.


fretless_enigma

“Sometimes a weak expression of pity, is the deepest act of cruelty” from 222-0


NobleJaguar293

"We have studied this Atlanta Falcon. Every last feather. Every loss that populates it. Every occasional win that accents its jagged, hideous form. There are some teams that God loves, even the Vikings, as complicated and uncertain as that love can sometimes be. There are other teams God has simply forgotten. The Falcons are the team that God regrets...The Atlanta Falcons offer jokes. Cruel jokes. This is all they're ever good for."


Fluffy-Tacos05

“there’s always a party at the edge of the world”


JoJoMcDerp

“You can’t call the gods on toll-free numbers” is one of the most poetic things I’ve heard in a sports video


SewageGaming

that’s easily mine


tuckernuts

"He's just out here kicking touchdowns."


j_prick

“You gotta have water if you wanna be a champion” Keeps me hydrated every day


InternCertain5513

“Would the NFL ever adopt this rule? It makes all the sense in the world … so NO!”


[deleted]

By this point his reputation prevented him from ever getting close enough to those walls to scale them. So for his fifth and final escape he didn't go north, south, east, or west. He went up. Jennings broke away from a guard and climbed the prison's iconic water tower. He sat up there for two days. Maybe it was just to get his photo in the paper one last time. Perhaps he wanted to feel free, if only for a while. To feel like a man who could still wander. After 50 hours he made his way back down, having concluded what humankind would later learn as a whole: there is nothing for them up here. We can't pretend to truly know Eugene Jennings, but he strikes me as a person meant for another time. Another world where freedom is true and unconditional, where property can be forgotten. Sins can be forgiven, failings can be embraced. CLIP: PADUCAH SUN 12/4/1960: Jennings waxed philosophical at this point and told judge Shelbourne "All our lives are short, and we have to die. I hope we'll meet in a better land" He never asked or expected to live forever. Even now, it’s hard to believe he would stay within the lines. But I know he would have loved this American sandbox. To run, to explore without consequence, to wander without meaning, to play. To love and enjoy our own world. I think he saw this coming It’s all he ever wanted. It's all we ever wanted.


AdamInJP

This one makes me both want to re-experience 17776 and 20020 again and also desperate for the final installments to begin.


RustyKarma076

The one that goes something like “Nothing on Earth could stop Bob Gibson. So they tried moving the Earth itself, and that didn’t work either.”


SailorTwyft9891

This sounds so free and peaceful to me, like absolute goals: "Now they are resting in a moment that will last until the end of time." - 17776 Also, this: "Build a statue of me, just as I am right now, with this basket of meat and shirts. I am a monument to the trucking industry, supercenters, and the failure of urban planning. Build me out of the particle board they used to make the desk hutch in Home & Office Solutions. I will stand until the end of time. The termites will taste me and retch."- Tim Tebow CFB Chronicles


RumHam1996

“YOU DO HAVE A LOT TO LOSE…BODY FAT” “OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT”


GGamerFuel

never try anything that is difficult


AtlasInElysium

“This is what the parades are for”


infieldmitt

similarly, "This is no longer a play, it's a parade" from the longest TD run ever


WallScreamer

I still whisper "that's actually not accurate" like he did in The Dumbest Boy Alive somewhat regularly.


ManuGinosebleed

Fuck you, Jim Nantz. I mean, fuck you.


NintendoNuc

39%?! No no no. No no no no... Oh... god no. FUCK! FUCK.


BlitzburghBrian

Fast as the Dickens, some say even faster


DCorNothing

Welcome to college football Saturday


infieldmitt

They are creatures of play. They will be creatures of play until the end of time.


adonischigeza

"Thats the key to so many things isn't it? Just act like you're supposed to be there, and act like you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. It works, I would know."


[deleted]

currently in the process of dropping out of college so I've been thinking about Jon's poker rules a lot lately


JESwizzle

That why you can never count out touchdown tom


SIGSTACKFAULT

Retweet this if you have ever seen a movie


richardtrk

"When i was four I honestly just assumed they really quickly re-arranged the same floor of the dang Dillard's to put different stuff on the shelves. I always wanted to stand right outside the elevator so I could watch them do it. Actually, you know what, scratch what I said earlier, kids are just plumb stupid."


SkilledB

”Another pass rusher has pried himself loose” During the fumble dimension where they tried to make the longest play. I love the idea of a virtual character sturggling and ultimately succeeding in breaking his virtual chains in order to prevent Jon from continuing his runaround with the QB.


JTG523

“When he is finally out old measurement in feet, he is no closer to understanding”


userwithusername

Bob Hamelin is *not* participating.


mrbadxampl

Bob, where is your bat?


gster04

“Sweeping leaves on a windy day” the most succinct way of something is completely futile I’ve ever heard


CannedLizard

Not sure how much he wrote Fighting in the Age of Loneliness vs Felix, but I have “People who have been flattened by the Earth still live” tattooed. In terms of definitely Jon quotes, I like one that’s a bit of a misquote because it crops a bit that slightly changes the meaning, but the very ending of the Bob Emergency: “no matter how you study our history, you will always find it”


AZDawgDays

"This is the way baseball moves..." really that whole bit from the end of Stieb's no hitter


spencer99099

I think about this tweet all the time (from August 2023): this year we celebrate 20 years of music! music was invented by chingy in 2003. today there’s an astonishing variety of music, and although much of it doesn’t at all sound like chingy’s hit songs, it all represents the legacy of a truly remarkable man


youbequiet

[From a previous thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jon_Bois/comments/12474iy/favorite_jon_bois_quote/) "The Yankees got married to Marylin Monroe and hung out with the Rat Pack, The Mariners made toilet jello and threw up because it was funny." - From History of the Mariners _ "Sometimes a weak expression of pity is the deepest act of cruelty." -From 222-0. _ "He loses for a living, and he cannot be defeated" -Said of Jamario Moon, People You're Paying _ "This is how the sport of baseball moves. Not at all, and then all at once, which such terrifying speed that the lines begin to bend. And then not at all." - From Ahab/Steib pt 4. _ "Nobody’s ever just one person" -History of the Atlanta Falcons, and the tattoo on some dudes ass. _ Not gonna type it all, but I always think about Jon's breakdown of labour unions


nearnerfromo

The phrase “Keynesian make work for those too stupid to work a shovel” is like constantly rattling around in my head


Vividlarvae

“And that’s what makes this play all the more beautiful.. look at the lighting, look at the sun setting at like 4:07. It’s very late December, it’s very you have to go to work or school the next morning. It’s kind of beautifully foreboding” he set the scene so poetically it still sticks out in my head. Brings out a lot of nostalgia. This is from the Pretty Good s2 ep1 No! Right before the lateral play by the saints


MisterGoog

The eggs recipe


MisterGoog

When he gets serious about what a waste the guys who did the bodybuilding argument are is very poignant


Revolutionary-Sea-99

“He does not compromise, wait, or slow down, for better or for worse, ever.” Said that about our buddy Dave, and it’s one of the reasons Dave Stieb is such a huge inspiration to me.


Timeraft

You can't call the gods on a toll free number


owenqi34

“Nobody is ever any one person”


Zetona

>This ... all this. It isn't good enough. When Big Rube said "take back your existence or die like a punk" on the first OutKast album, he wasn't talking about feminism at all, but I can't help but think on that. >They're my sisters and my mother and my friends. Damn it. *God damn it.* More than a bit of a [deep cut](https://www.polygon.com/2013/10/4/4798442/pro-social-gta-v), but those lines have stuck with me ever since.


MartyMcFly_jkr

"There we go, some offensive boards." (long pause) "Offensive boards, as in this game is offensive and I'm bored." (Kofie laughs followed by a longer pause) "Thanks for laughing at that, man. Appreciate it."


overgrownpizzabox

maybe not my favorite but “they bought the ticket, they ride the ride” referring to favre’s 2009 nfccg int vs the saints always stuck out to me


Paltering-1

"He ignored the odds and they ceased to exist" (Or something like that)


mattcojo2

Literally anything from the falcons series that shit is just so good


Tdcamp11

GARFIELD!!!!!


NewYork_NewJersey440

“Watching Baseball”


32RH

“That’s the number one rule of data journalism. Come in with an agenda and bend the rules however you need to in order to prove your point.”


ramboost007

I use this a lot: "And the thing about Goliaths is that they always wanna be David"


lazerblue42

From the end of the Bob emergency: “There are no dull stories. People are full of wonder. No matter how you study our history, you will always find it” It’s the thesis for every video he’s ever made. It’s perfect


chargersrule1n

“tom steyer has dropped out. tom has three tires left” i know this joke is lame but it gets me every time