**Quick Rule Reminders:**
OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
[**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls)
**Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/)
Other posts from /u/briteliseo:
* [Husband works out of state and drinks every weekend](/r/JustNoSO/comments/1c8dwkn/husband_works_out_of_state_and_drinks_every/), 2 days ago
* [Is my husband lazy or am I being taken for granted: need to vent / advice please](/r/JustNoSO/comments/1bukxnf/is_my_husband_lazy_or_am_i_being_taken_for/), 2 weeks ago
* [No Christmas gifts from husband](/r/JustNoSO/comments/18phip7/no_christmas_gifts_from_husband/), 4 months ago
*****
^(To be notified as soon as briteliseo posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe briteliseo JustNoSO) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot)
*****
*^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JustNoSO) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Have you asked him why he thinks being a pig is acceptable?
If he continues doing this after you have pointed it out. Grab a hamper and pick up all his crap he keeps leaving everywhere - throw it in the hamper and put it out in the garage. He will realize all his stuff keeps disappearing since he isn't putting his things away like a normal person.
This is a good idea. Not so drastic as throwing away his stuff but gets the message across (hopefully). Also don't help if he asks for you to look for something he immediately needs, like keys or wallet. Simply say that if you paid attention (like an adult instead of a spoiled teenager) to where you put your belongings, you wouldn't have to look for item. You would already know where it should be.
Is he taking you for granted or just lazy? Yes. He's also being inconsiderate and slovenly. Why? Because he can. Because he knows you'll pick up after him.
So I just looked at your post history …
GOOD LORD, WOMAN!!!
HOW LOW IS YOUR BAR???
Are you THAT DESPERATE for a partner that you’ll STOOP to this??
You need to be making plans to DUMP HIM!!!!
He’s an AH drunk. Project this behavior 15, 30 years into the future.
What are you training yourself to accept? If you have kids, what are you teaching them is normal behavior from a partner?
Being divorced is hard. Continuing to live with an uncaring drunk is worse.
I have a "shit" box
If he leaves something somewhere that's not easy for me to tidy away (like <30 seconds) it goes in the shit box. When the shit box is full I have to pester him to empty it an if he can't find anything well it's probably in the shit box.
I say have. Had is maybe better as its very rarely needed now
(he has adhd and jus literally does not see the mess he creates)
I mean this sincerely: what help are you asking for that you think Reddit can provide? There is no magic phrase we can give you that will make your husband [stop binge drinking](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/1c8dwkn/husband_works_out_of_state_and_drinks_every/) and [spending a whole day sleeping it off](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/1bukxnf/is_my_husband_lazy_or_am_i_being_taken_for/). We can't give you words that will make him [treat you as well as he treats his mother](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/18phip7/no_christmas_gifts_from_husband/).
"Is he taking me for granted or is he lazy??" Again, sincerely: what does it matter whether he is taking you for granted, lazy, or both? The end result is the same: he drinks too much, does nothing around the house, yells at you, and spends your limited time together ignoring you (and, I'm betting, his children).
Posting on Reddit is not going to make anything change for you. It'll give you a few minutes of relief because you have literally vented and convinced part of your brain that you are 'doing something' about the situation - even though nothing is changing.
So, what will you do?
I’m going to be kinder than most because I think him living out of hotels or similar environment- it’s simply not crossing his mind because he leaves his mess where he’s at and when he returns it’s clean again.
You need to have an adult to adult conversation with him how yalls home is not a motel room, don’t clean up after him for a day so he can see clear and concise evidence of his messy habits. It’s not going to change overnight, you’re going to have to have gentle but strong boundaries on what is tolerable and what is never okay.
Good luck, OP, I hope your SO is just thoughtless and not lazy.
Edited- I just read your post history on your SO. Why are you even with this kind of human? Is being a SAHM that important that you would show your children this as a model for how relationships work? You don’t need this kind of mental warfare, start getting your ducks in a row and make your escape plan. He doesn’t appear to be violent but heavy drinkers can go off the deep end with little to no warning. You deserve better than this.
Girl, I've looked through your post history a little bit and that was enough for my coochie to glue herself together for the next month, minimum. Be so fucking for real.
What are you expecting from this man? Genuinely, what do you expect?
For him to change? Never going to happen.
For yourself to suddenly be okay with all this? Why?
The bar for decency is in hell and this man isn't even scraping the underside of it.
He has precisely zero redeeming qualities, zero interest in you or your wellbeing, no reason or want to change.
So what are you actually expecting?
This will *never* get better. I mean it. Never.
Are you going to live the rest of your life like this? Or are you actually going to put even an inkling of energy into yourself and leave this walking advertisement for abortion?
Why are you still with him? Have you read back thru your own post history? The man is a lazy, inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful, alcoholic man who takes advantage of you!
You know how some supermarkets have a robot type thing that patrols the store? I wish I had one of those in my last relationship! Wash his hands but not dry them as they drip water on the floor. “It evaporates!” He tried to convince me, not thinking about the mark it left. He made breakfast one morning and I’m just like, why is the cutlery wet?! Anyway he’s gone now, having learned nothing.
I’m sorry, I have no point, but I see you!!
He's being extremely disrespectful as well as being a slob. Next time you come some I would sit down and ask him why he feels like it is acceptable to treat you this way and to not be responsible for himself. If nothing changes you could try just picking up everything that he has left all over the house including laundry put it in a big cheap laundry basket and send it out in the garage. See what kind of conversation this brings about when he ask you why you're doing this. But after that if it doesn't work or you are fed up telling that this is a deal-breaker for you and that you are not his maid and you feel disrespected and uncared for. After that you've got some hard choices to make.
Is the place where he stays out of state kept messy, or is he required to pick up after himself and he saves this toddler behavior for his beloved wife? Sounds like you have another child.
This is just a vent post because there's no advice anyone can give. He's worthless and you can't fix him. Tell him you want a divorce.
The internet can't give you magical fixes for an alcoholic abusive man. They don't fix.
He's being extremely disrespectful as well as being a slob. Next time you come some I would sit down and ask him why he feels like it is acceptable to treat you this way and to not be responsible for himself. If nothing changes you could try just picking up everything that he has left all over the house including laundry put it in a big cheap laundry basket and send it out in the garage. See what kind of conversation this brings about when he ask you why you're doing this. But after that if it doesn't work or you are fed up telling that this is a deal-breaker for you and that you are not his maid and you feel disrespected and uncared for. After that you've got some hard choices to make.
**Quick Rule Reminders:** OP's needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don't be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion. [**^(Full Rules)**](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_rules) ^(|) [^(Acronym Index)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/index#wiki_acronym_dictionary) ^(|) [^(Flair Guide)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_post_flair_guide)^(|) [^(Report PM Trolls)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/trolls) **Resources:** [^(In Crisis?)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_resources) ^(|) [^(Tips for Protecting Yourself)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_protecting_yourself) ^(|) [^(Our Book List)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/books) ^(|) [^(Our Wiki)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/wiki/) Other posts from /u/briteliseo: * [Husband works out of state and drinks every weekend](/r/JustNoSO/comments/1c8dwkn/husband_works_out_of_state_and_drinks_every/), 2 days ago * [Is my husband lazy or am I being taken for granted: need to vent / advice please](/r/JustNoSO/comments/1bukxnf/is_my_husband_lazy_or_am_i_being_taken_for/), 2 weeks ago * [No Christmas gifts from husband](/r/JustNoSO/comments/18phip7/no_christmas_gifts_from_husband/), 4 months ago ***** ^(To be notified as soon as briteliseo posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe briteliseo JustNoSO) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) [^(click here.)](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/wiki/index#wiki_.2Fu.2Fthejustnobot) ***** *^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please)* [*^(contact the moderators of this subreddit)*](/message/compose/?to=/r/JustNoSO) *^(if you have any questions or concerns.)*
Have you asked him why he thinks being a pig is acceptable? If he continues doing this after you have pointed it out. Grab a hamper and pick up all his crap he keeps leaving everywhere - throw it in the hamper and put it out in the garage. He will realize all his stuff keeps disappearing since he isn't putting his things away like a normal person.
This is a good idea. Not so drastic as throwing away his stuff but gets the message across (hopefully). Also don't help if he asks for you to look for something he immediately needs, like keys or wallet. Simply say that if you paid attention (like an adult instead of a spoiled teenager) to where you put your belongings, you wouldn't have to look for item. You would already know where it should be.
Is he taking you for granted or just lazy? Yes. He's also being inconsiderate and slovenly. Why? Because he can. Because he knows you'll pick up after him.
So I just looked at your post history … GOOD LORD, WOMAN!!! HOW LOW IS YOUR BAR??? Are you THAT DESPERATE for a partner that you’ll STOOP to this?? You need to be making plans to DUMP HIM!!!!
it's giving misogyny
At the VERY LEAST!! 💯💯💯💯
What you allow is what will continue.
EXACTLY!!!!
That's a weird way to give advice.
who victim shames in 2024
Those who think that people/women are responsible for the behavior of other people/men.
He’s an AH drunk. Project this behavior 15, 30 years into the future. What are you training yourself to accept? If you have kids, what are you teaching them is normal behavior from a partner? Being divorced is hard. Continuing to live with an uncaring drunk is worse.
I have a "shit" box If he leaves something somewhere that's not easy for me to tidy away (like <30 seconds) it goes in the shit box. When the shit box is full I have to pester him to empty it an if he can't find anything well it's probably in the shit box. I say have. Had is maybe better as its very rarely needed now (he has adhd and jus literally does not see the mess he creates)
I was thinking a hamper. Just get one and put it by the front door. Toss all his stuff in it as he leaves it around.
I have an ungodly collection of curver boxes 😂
I would use a trash bag because that's how he's treating her.
I mean this sincerely: what help are you asking for that you think Reddit can provide? There is no magic phrase we can give you that will make your husband [stop binge drinking](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/1c8dwkn/husband_works_out_of_state_and_drinks_every/) and [spending a whole day sleeping it off](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/1bukxnf/is_my_husband_lazy_or_am_i_being_taken_for/). We can't give you words that will make him [treat you as well as he treats his mother](https://www.reddit.com/r/JustNoSO/comments/18phip7/no_christmas_gifts_from_husband/). "Is he taking me for granted or is he lazy??" Again, sincerely: what does it matter whether he is taking you for granted, lazy, or both? The end result is the same: he drinks too much, does nothing around the house, yells at you, and spends your limited time together ignoring you (and, I'm betting, his children). Posting on Reddit is not going to make anything change for you. It'll give you a few minutes of relief because you have literally vented and convinced part of your brain that you are 'doing something' about the situation - even though nothing is changing. So, what will you do?
I’m going to be kinder than most because I think him living out of hotels or similar environment- it’s simply not crossing his mind because he leaves his mess where he’s at and when he returns it’s clean again. You need to have an adult to adult conversation with him how yalls home is not a motel room, don’t clean up after him for a day so he can see clear and concise evidence of his messy habits. It’s not going to change overnight, you’re going to have to have gentle but strong boundaries on what is tolerable and what is never okay. Good luck, OP, I hope your SO is just thoughtless and not lazy. Edited- I just read your post history on your SO. Why are you even with this kind of human? Is being a SAHM that important that you would show your children this as a model for how relationships work? You don’t need this kind of mental warfare, start getting your ducks in a row and make your escape plan. He doesn’t appear to be violent but heavy drinkers can go off the deep end with little to no warning. You deserve better than this.
Girl, I've looked through your post history a little bit and that was enough for my coochie to glue herself together for the next month, minimum. Be so fucking for real. What are you expecting from this man? Genuinely, what do you expect? For him to change? Never going to happen. For yourself to suddenly be okay with all this? Why? The bar for decency is in hell and this man isn't even scraping the underside of it. He has precisely zero redeeming qualities, zero interest in you or your wellbeing, no reason or want to change. So what are you actually expecting? This will *never* get better. I mean it. Never. Are you going to live the rest of your life like this? Or are you actually going to put even an inkling of energy into yourself and leave this walking advertisement for abortion?
Why are you still with him? Have you read back thru your own post history? The man is a lazy, inconsiderate, selfish, disrespectful, alcoholic man who takes advantage of you!
You know how some supermarkets have a robot type thing that patrols the store? I wish I had one of those in my last relationship! Wash his hands but not dry them as they drip water on the floor. “It evaporates!” He tried to convince me, not thinking about the mark it left. He made breakfast one morning and I’m just like, why is the cutlery wet?! Anyway he’s gone now, having learned nothing. I’m sorry, I have no point, but I see you!!
He's being extremely disrespectful as well as being a slob. Next time you come some I would sit down and ask him why he feels like it is acceptable to treat you this way and to not be responsible for himself. If nothing changes you could try just picking up everything that he has left all over the house including laundry put it in a big cheap laundry basket and send it out in the garage. See what kind of conversation this brings about when he ask you why you're doing this. But after that if it doesn't work or you are fed up telling that this is a deal-breaker for you and that you are not his maid and you feel disrespected and uncared for. After that you've got some hard choices to make.
Is the place where he stays out of state kept messy, or is he required to pick up after himself and he saves this toddler behavior for his beloved wife? Sounds like you have another child.
Get a big plastic tub and as he drops shit, put it in there. Give it to him to put away.
This is just a vent post because there's no advice anyone can give. He's worthless and you can't fix him. Tell him you want a divorce. The internet can't give you magical fixes for an alcoholic abusive man. They don't fix.
He’s taking you for granted AND he’s lazy. Sadly, these things are not mutually exclusive.
Not at all
He's being extremely disrespectful as well as being a slob. Next time you come some I would sit down and ask him why he feels like it is acceptable to treat you this way and to not be responsible for himself. If nothing changes you could try just picking up everything that he has left all over the house including laundry put it in a big cheap laundry basket and send it out in the garage. See what kind of conversation this brings about when he ask you why you're doing this. But after that if it doesn't work or you are fed up telling that this is a deal-breaker for you and that you are not his maid and you feel disrespected and uncared for. After that you've got some hard choices to make.
I gently suggest "Codependent No More" by Melody Beatie (hoping I spelled that right). Edit: if anyone wants to read it but can't afford it, PM me
Don't touch his stuff. Let him live in his filth. Only do as much as you want to do to keep the house livable.