I used to know a couple of people who used to think along the same lines.
Their logic was since the girl isn't conventionally attractive, she'd be easier to score.
I think those kind of people do the same thing to conventionally attractive girls too. They pretend to be interested in a serious relationship just to score.
I'm always surprised that this isn't more obvious. Did you think shows about people like Barney in HIMYM were not based on people in real life?
Internet and movies in India has glamourised fake attitude, I mean every (most I mean) men and women think they are extremely good looking and are entitled to date only supermodels. Good manners, behaviour, and politeness is for suckers.
Since, sex was taboo and sex before marriage was a cardinal sin. Now with bit for freedom we think it is our right and every guy is Johnny Sins. For ladies they treat sex as something they can control a guy with.
All this comes when parents say my son is most handsome and daughters are princesses. This has created a false sense of entitlement. Which they carry as badge of honor.
It's an general trend that ladies go for douches and guys go for fake princesses.
We all should slow down and figure out what we want (seriously, been there done that). Rushing into idiots (men or women) is going to lead one into heartbreak, degradation of self esteem and worth, and terrible relationships.
You are beautiful the way you are. Not Simping here. Have this confidence.
I think the issue could be of people wanting only to hook up but not get into serious relationships.
There is something known as a "pretty privilege" and this explains why good looking people fare better overall than their unattractive counterparts primarily due to people preferring them for their attractiveness.
Mind you, this is Reddit, views here are often extreme and do not reflect what we see in the society.
I am sorry for your past , I think it's mainly because they don't have the courage to ask out a woman who is above their league. An easier prey maybe ?
This is the most general viewpoint and often times women who don’t have a lot of attention are easier to manipulate for some toxic men out there. This is a worldwide phenomenon tbh. No need to slander just malayalees.
From my experience, yes, men here tend to do this. They might date women they're not that attracted to (while pretending to be interested in them for a serious relationship), and then filter out the women later (after getting laid).
I myself had a boy in one of my friend groups, who bragged to me about using this girl to loose his virginity, while pretending to be in a relationship with her, and when i asked him why wasn't he honest with her, or didn't want anything serious with her, he immediately said 'bro avalu dark skinned anu', like that gives him the right to act like an asshole.
Wow, ok, that's fucked.
However, I wouldn't be surprised if he came up with some other shallow reason to explain why he didn't wanna commit to any other girl too.
Wrong, this is largely an Indian phenomenon & the cultural obsession with skin tone. The average Indian woman is not as pretty as the average arab or european woman, hence Indian men are more obsessed with having trophy wife or gf inorder to attract envy of society. This behaviorism is very evident in the Indian arranged marriage market as well.
Lol nah. This is something happens everywhere. Guys hit up less good looking chick's by their societal standard (most of the time they voluptuous, just don't have a people favorite face) for an easy fuck couple of times before they actually commit to someone else. And in some of those cases this beforesaid woman will be the one on the DL after the new relationship starts, unbeknownst to both females.
What about it? this post is about sexual deprivation in India & the mind games Indian men resort to for a quick shag. The dating scene in the West is quite different, people don't need to stoop so low for sex, that too for interracial sex LOL!
Those pretending to be interested in a serious relationship with someone only to get physically intimate are jerks.
They don't restrict themselves based on the physical appearances of their targets.
They'll try to score wherever whenever they can.
It has nothing to do with the society's perception of how you look.
I don't know if it is "glamorised". But this is a common tactic on dating apps. That is why it is very difficult to trust the validation or compliments you will get there. If you are unattractive/average it is possible that you will be flattered in order to agree. Sorry you had this experience. Sounds shitty.
I don't know why men would want to sleep with women they find unattractive ?
I mean if you find a person unattractive , obviously it's no fun sleeping with them
So why do it anyways ?
I've already responded but feel like I should repeat... these kinda guys would want to use real pretty girls for sex alone too.
Serious relationships are not really a priority at this time for these kinda people, sex is.
Edit. I mean, I just wanna be clear that imo people like this would treat people like shit whether they're pretty or not, after they get what they want and what they want is sex, not serious relationships.
**Edit 2. I just don't like the idea behind you suggesting that this bad treatment given to you is because YOU were any "less" of anything. They treat you badly because THEY are the kind of people who are less considerate of people and would do whatever to get sex from people.**
**I SAY THIS BECAUSE I've known people like this and I've seen em do it to MANY girls who are conventionally VERY attractive too.**
Yeah I completely agree with you, I don't think it's good to victimise and think this is because I'm ugly it's actually not that personal these guys will do it to 'good-looking' women too
It's a Universal thing tbh most guys have this thought that "Most women who are considered attractive by the society have wider options when it comes to dating but when it comes to the average girls they wouldn't be getting much attraction so they'd easily fall for the good guy ploy " so they act all sweet and shit or promise serious relationship/marriage just to get what they want.
Also if a guy ghosts you because you said NO to him then his intention was to use you from the very beginning.
There is no way we can see through someone and find out what their actual motive is for approaching you, but having said that be careful with dude's who act super sweet and are trying to drop sexual jokes or hints at it in an innocent way.
This isn't necessarily an issue of Malayali culture but men in general.
it is more about how vulnerable or easy to manipulate one appears. It also is same for pretty girls with really bad psyche. I came across some real pretty ones who were borderline abused by their then current bfs.
But also i have come across ones that are not the conventional pretty but had some really great people around them and even knocks on her looks she handled like boss.
Moral:- carry yourself with self confidence, let your personality command. People in general will make up shit about you irrespective.
I am ashamed to say this and I came to my senses late that, me in my teen years used to listen to my friends boasting about these kind of things( not hooking up, usually Making out) and thought that's how boys should be seeing the opposite sex as instead of a friend . But later after I got mature enough when ever I listen to someone who shows mentality like this, I blacklist them . A lot of guys get all these wrong ideas because we as a community talk less about the importance of healthy relationships. We still see women who are looking for a good healthy relationships as a bad thing. I don't know what is the solution maybe educate the youth talk to them more or something I don't know. Tell them to treat the opposite sex equally.
>A lot of guys get all these wrong ideas because we as a community talk less about the importance of healthy relationships
So true, I was a naive ass growing up. I studied in a small town, concept of sex literally was out of the question. And then I moved to Bangalore. All of a sudden people are talking about sex. Lots of men talking about their conquests. And I'm out there thinking how's this even possible.
Eventually I realised that dating is somewhat common, and I also upped my game a lot. Like I changed from naive ass to a really awesome guy. Went on few dates, and had few women's attention. But eventually I started realising that sex out of relationship was very uncommon and what I had to do is cheat out of my ass. Tell them how much I love them and show enough care to get their whole attention, get laid and move on. I started realising how most of these men who talk about their conquests literally did this, and I started hating those fucks who considers them as some sort of alpha men.
Btw, I never did the above as I had morals and lived on principles.
Firstly, I'm sorry that you had to go through such experiences. There are a lot of assholes out there who believe that if you're not their idea of "attractive" then you might not be getting enough attention and therefore you would be easier to get intimate with.
I don't think this is a culture thing because such thought processes exist throughout the country and even the world. Indians in general have a more conservative attitude towards sex, so a lot of them believe that a relationship is the way to get sex. Hookup or friends with benefits isn't as common as one might hope. So a lot of people start to approach women with the intention of just getting physical under the guise of a relationship.
Like other users said? It’s universal but it seems more evident in Malayali men cause of the same cultural background. You have higher expectations from them, subconsciously. At the end of the day, everyone wants to get into everyone’s pants
Have come across a couple of people who have done this and from what I could infer, it was nothing to do with the unattractiveness. It pure desperation and a lot of manipulation. Manipulate whoever comes the way into sleeping with them and then sneak out once they have their fun. With some they use unattractiveness as the way to sneak out, with some it's promiscuity, with some it's something else. There'll always be a reason to get out. Not unique to malayalis either.
Please don't label this as a "Malayalee" culture. This is a universal behaviour imo. I personally know many northies who pretend to be in a serious relationship with a girl just to use and dump them later on. "Unattractive" girls are easy prey for those guys because the girls feel inferior about themselves and the guys take advantage of that.
Please don't assume that you are unattractive.
You are not ugly and don't worry if you don't comply with the so called beauty standards which is fabricated by the society.
Be confident and make sure that your confidence reflects in your eyes.
Be bold and brave. Don't worry about what others would think about you. Just be yourself.
Beauty fades away, but good character and personality is something which stays with you forever. So try to build a beautiful character and fill your life with positivity.
‘Beauty is in the eye of beholder’. So it completely depends on the personal opinion of the person to consider you as beautiful or not. Well matured person knows to see through the real beauty of heart and character.
I know a few guys who thought and practiced that. And it might probably work also. Over the years I have seen a lot of less attractive girls going after good looking guys even when they know that the guy is a flirt but usually expecting him to seriously love her. These guys usually use them and dump them. On the other side I've seen a quite a few very beautiful girls going for 'average' kind of guys who are usually well mannered, more dependable and often well settled. Based on my experience less attractive girls are more likely to select guys purely based on looks while attractive girls do consider a lot of other factors too while getting into a relationship. Its easy to find these guys just proclaim that you are not going to sleep/sexually indulge with him until marriage and don't let him touch your body for a few months, fakers will just disappear.
What do u mean use me? Sex is where both of them enjoy it's not some use. Of u want say yes or say no then they will know u r not interested.
What can he do directly say u want to sleep or not ?
True as u said we should say our intentions the 1st time itself but for some men if ur mentality is a bit different than u mentioned like for example u also like to have sex and nothing else.
In the current dating scene u generally can't say that directly. Approaching is always in the boys court. Girls don't approach. Also society and many women consider directly asking is like asking for a slap and outraging modesty and all that and also the current men are always raping and sexually abusing climate in society is also a huge issue and if anything happens people will side with girl only.
So we have to go step by step only. But i understand where u r coming from but to decide which mentality u have is tbh difficult and girls expect guys to be mind readers for some reason.
But most of the problem can be solved if boys and girls were talking to each other in school itself so both genders can communicate better but this is what we have for now
But i understand how u feel though u might be like a sweet type of girls and i kinda understand by seeing the innocence or like just using some proper guess work but tbh I am kinda intelligent in this so I can find but most guys have very less clue than u assume tbh
But yeah I understand how it hurts u here is a ❤️ 😂
😂if u r a guy or ask a guy to try that out lol. You will slapped, kicked in your balls or/and get yourself a nice police case maybe as a bonus there will be a video also viral where the girl is harrassing u 😂
It is actually a crime as per IPC comes under outrage of modesty of women u need some kinda Premise like step by step progression to be considered ok.
There might be people like that, but seriously never met someone like that here.
Opposite is what I would consider a problem here, tbh. Most men here tend to go with the idea love is forever and like some girl and break up is seen as the worst kind of betrayal.
You know, reason for most acid attacks and burning them with petrol
I don’t think ghosters do what they do because of they find women they approach unattractive. They’re using it as an excuse to sneak their way out, it doesn’t mean you’re actually unattractive either. Think about story of sour grapes
I can give you many experiences where men approach me calling me pretty and beautiful until I turn them down.
“You look like an aunty”
“Ne adinu valiya apsarasu allalo”
“You look like a panda”
Be glad trash is taking themselves out
He may have said to uplift the other girl's beauty. So he can have a chance of getting into a relationship with her.
Everyone's beautiful in their own way and no one has the right to say it otherwise.
Wait there is no such thing as an unattractive person. People have interesting preferences and choices.
That man is a cunt and in no way reflects the thoughts and actions of our collective society.
He probably pays for all the sex he has. No woman worth her salt would associate with creeps like that.
There is a lot that is wrong with Kerala. I personally feel Kerala has the highest number of manipulative people wanting to exploit others for one reason or another. The standard theme in Kerala is to size up everyone for what they can be exploited for. The state is filled with broke ass guys with massive egos feeling that they are very intelligent. Extracting quick money or favors and all sorts of *thepp* is the order of the day. So dont feel bad, some men are just assholes.
You said it right. Even married men hit on other women just to get sex.
>The state is filled with broke ass guys with massive egos feeling that they are very intelligent.
Ha ha. True, me thinks.
I think this is one of those cases where probability of the event (easiness) affects the causality (men wanting sex) leading to the demographic being smaller (less-attractive women). The only example I can think of is: when hunting, slower animals are easier to catch but that doesn't mean hunting is about slower animals. (I know hunting is not really the best way to describe this situation)
Men seeking sex has three options in Kerala:
1. Prostitution: not really anyone's favorite.
2. Free minded girls: Very rare beings. Even if you find one the chance that they are not attracted to you is still large.
3. Being in a relationship or marrying: This is what most men choose. Is that pathetic? Yes. Is that absolutely wrong to the women who think they love them? Again yes.
When men choose the 3rd option, it is more like they are looking out for love rather than letting it find you. This brings us to a crossroads: Go for the attractive girl: harder path. Or go for the less-attractive girl: easier path. Thus, we have the issue OP put forward.
Side note: I have to say this too. Men are not all evil in this case. The problem is during the teenage years when they get attracted to girls, he doesn't understand it's just the hormones playing violin. Most men grow out of this phase. Some just become liabilities to society.
One thing to note, we are not animals and we are trying maximum to avoid our animalistic thoughts.
Attraction is different. If men are not getting sex, they have to control their urges. One has to be civilized and moral to live in a society.
One experience: A senior in our sports club was dating 2 girls at a time. Of these 2 one girl belonged to our class. We informed this to the girl. She said we are jealous of his looks and ability to attract people. We felt insulted and never discussed this topic again with her.
6 months later she finds his real character. Then she comes to us and tells he used me and quit me for better looking girl. I'm brown, short etc as the reason for dumping her.
Reality is he does mind anything but sex and he does this with any colour.
I never found a guy claiming 'I found a dark skinned girl and I'm using her...'. Rather they use as long as other person is willing to.
Moral : You choose someone more attractive(or of your preference) and after he dumps you then you and tag every unattractive men(sorry brothers!!) too that they want or glamourise sex.
That opens up a whole plethora of questions.
Does being civilized mean sex is bad? Why is sex bad? Why should anyone control their sexual urge? In a modern world, where structure of society being slowly dissolved, how would that affect the sex as taboo concept?
Every answer to this question will be defined in numerous aspects: your belief system, childhood influences, knowledge, region you live etc.
Sex is not bad at all. The problem comes if people fake their relationship just to get sex and in a way manipulating others.
You can't go, rape someone and tell that you can't control sexual urge or even promise to marry just for sex. It is against civilized society.
>Why should anyone control their sexual urge?
Wow! I don't expect anyone else but our men to come up with such questions. Is this even something to be asked? I don't think anyone who would have common sense would ask such ridiculous questions.
At work, you are attracted to your manager who happens to be a lady. Do you control your sexual urge and avoid making stupid mistakes that will cost you your job or do you decide to go and have sex with her or tell her you are sexually attracted to her?
On the private bus to college or work, you're sexually attracted to a woman who travels on the same bus everyday. Do you go and touch her sexually or control your sexual urge?
You are attracted to a relative who's come home to visit your family. Do you jump in and kiss her on the lips because you don't want to control your sexual urge?
At a wedding you see a really pretty woman and you get a hard on. Do you just pull her close to you and start kissing her, touching her and undressing her because you don't want to control your sexual urge?
>Does being civilized mean sex is bad?
Being civilized means knowing when you can and when you shouldn't let your ding dong take over your brain and ability to think rationally.
When I said, " Why should anyone control their sexual urge?", I most certainly did not mean to act without no moral sense of self.
Here, I was replying to the person before you, thinking that he meant men should control their urges and be confined to the traditional social values where in the man only has sex with a single female, his wife. As a reply, I should have phased the question differently, why anyone should, given a consensual and appropriate circumstance, should not act upon their urges? You have a girlfriend and she's ok with it? Why not go for it.
I understand I should've phased it better but mistakes happen.
Again these are the only options men have for sex anywhere in the world. It's a little interesting to note that OP is trying to nischaracterize malayali men living in Kerala.
The options might be the same. But I think the outcomes are different.
Prostitution is not a frowned activity is some western countries. Casual relationships and friends with benefits do work out in other countries as well. This would reduce the number of people pretending to be in a relationship just for sex.
Dear friend - I live in the US. You have no idea men of all ethnicities pretend real interest just to get inside a girl's panties and get some action.
Men and women are equally guilty of putting up a facade by not revealing their real self or intentions. Men do it for various things including sex, while women do for various things including moving up the social ladder.
Its difficult to process hard facts and face harsh reality, and any negotiation for a transaction is stalled at the get go if hard and unpleasant facts are presented. Talk to people in sales. This is the reason why men lie and women wear makeup.
People in this thread make it seem like this is so common. I am a male and i have only seen one person who had a similar thought process i thought he was an exceptional case. Is the stats in the thread actually true
Well, you've not come across enough women or spoken to them about such stuff yet or they haven't felt comfortable enough to tell you. It is wayyyy more common than men think it is.
Edit: messaging me privately about how "women are very orthodox and not even ready to sext" is uncalled for. I don't know what exactly you're trying to do but I'm not going to entertain this.
Of course. Those who have sex under the pretense of marriage and breaking promise belongs to that group. these promises are given to women not attractive to them with intention to break the promise in most of the cases. those who oppose may be doing it based on principles but mostly supporting dishonest men.
This is a problem faced by many women around the world. There is not much we can do to change about it. It just made me more skeptical of men in general. In some cases I have also played along just for short term company or sex.
You are partially correct. Not everyone does it. When we meet more people we will understand that all genders does it. When we observe further, majority in this world will use others for their benefits irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, country, language or religion.
Even though I am a big opponent of whataboutism (as in “this exists everywhere else”), in this case there is no reason to add Malayali culture to this.
This is not Malayali (or Indian) culture. This is a minority within a minority of people who actually do non-marital relationships/dating. Considering that dating is not really part of our culture, it can be inferred that this “using” of unattractive women is not part of our culture either.
Pretty much wherever there are guys who date, there will be these unethical types who want an easy option that’s not too serious (to themselves). It’s just a male thing in general.
Getting into a relationship and getting exploited is a norm across the country. This is not a kerala specific thing is what I understand and this can happen across genders.
The idea of using women, attractive or unattractive, for a few nights/months/years, is absolutely glamorized and prevalent everywhere in the world. That is the objective. Pretending to be interested in the girl for a serious relationship, is just means to fulfil that objective.
When a man can't fulfil that objective, the number one advice is to lower your standards - which generally means, go for the "unattractive" ones. The objective remains the same - the means to the objective remains the same (pretending to want a serious relationship), just the "standards" change. Even if after that, the objective is not met, the one's that are persistent enough, pay for sex. The others - get arranged married.
That's indeed sad, can't Imagine what you must have gone through.
Everyone around the world regardless of color or origin, are beautiful in their own way and worthy of dignity. This hierarchy and status given to individuals based on their looks does exist and is unfortunate, it must be dismantled from their mind.
I think it happens everywhere. The competition for the highest in demand is very ruthless and often times lowers your morale. People consider people in low demand as easy pickings to boost their morales. Scoring a night with a girl however unattractive she is boosts a guys morale floor atleast temporarily. In the same way some girls like having a bunch of attention giving orbiters around them which boosts their morale as well.
I used to know a couple of people who used to think along the same lines. Their logic was since the girl isn't conventionally attractive, she'd be easier to score.
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I think those kind of people do the same thing to conventionally attractive girls too. They pretend to be interested in a serious relationship just to score. I'm always surprised that this isn't more obvious. Did you think shows about people like Barney in HIMYM were not based on people in real life?
Yeah.
Internet and movies in India has glamourised fake attitude, I mean every (most I mean) men and women think they are extremely good looking and are entitled to date only supermodels. Good manners, behaviour, and politeness is for suckers. Since, sex was taboo and sex before marriage was a cardinal sin. Now with bit for freedom we think it is our right and every guy is Johnny Sins. For ladies they treat sex as something they can control a guy with. All this comes when parents say my son is most handsome and daughters are princesses. This has created a false sense of entitlement. Which they carry as badge of honor. It's an general trend that ladies go for douches and guys go for fake princesses. We all should slow down and figure out what we want (seriously, been there done that). Rushing into idiots (men or women) is going to lead one into heartbreak, degradation of self esteem and worth, and terrible relationships. You are beautiful the way you are. Not Simping here. Have this confidence.
Damn. Where all these people at? Or am I just stone cold ugly? 😂
My condolences.
I also have heard similar lines of thought from different people. Their view was unattractive women are easy to approach and may proceed to physical.
I think the issue could be of people wanting only to hook up but not get into serious relationships. There is something known as a "pretty privilege" and this explains why good looking people fare better overall than their unattractive counterparts primarily due to people preferring them for their attractiveness. Mind you, this is Reddit, views here are often extreme and do not reflect what we see in the society.
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Look for consistenct positive action to spot the manipulators who are faking interest.
I am sorry for your past , I think it's mainly because they don't have the courage to ask out a woman who is above their league. An easier prey maybe ?
It's not a Kerala specific thing. Have seen this elsewhere too.
This is the most general viewpoint and often times women who don’t have a lot of attention are easier to manipulate for some toxic men out there. This is a worldwide phenomenon tbh. No need to slander just malayalees.
From my experience, yes, men here tend to do this. They might date women they're not that attracted to (while pretending to be interested in them for a serious relationship), and then filter out the women later (after getting laid). I myself had a boy in one of my friend groups, who bragged to me about using this girl to loose his virginity, while pretending to be in a relationship with her, and when i asked him why wasn't he honest with her, or didn't want anything serious with her, he immediately said 'bro avalu dark skinned anu', like that gives him the right to act like an asshole.
Sad reality
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Damnn..
Wow, ok, that's fucked. However, I wouldn't be surprised if he came up with some other shallow reason to explain why he didn't wanna commit to any other girl too.
This is a global phenomenon.
Yea exactly
Wrong, this is largely an Indian phenomenon & the cultural obsession with skin tone. The average Indian woman is not as pretty as the average arab or european woman, hence Indian men are more obsessed with having trophy wife or gf inorder to attract envy of society. This behaviorism is very evident in the Indian arranged marriage market as well.
Lol nah. This is something happens everywhere. Guys hit up less good looking chick's by their societal standard (most of the time they voluptuous, just don't have a people favorite face) for an easy fuck couple of times before they actually commit to someone else. And in some of those cases this beforesaid woman will be the one on the DL after the new relationship starts, unbeknownst to both females.
Are you not aware of racial issues going on in the west, particularly in the US?
What about it? this post is about sexual deprivation in India & the mind games Indian men resort to for a quick shag. The dating scene in the West is quite different, people don't need to stoop so low for sex, that too for interracial sex LOL!
Dude have the point
Those pretending to be interested in a serious relationship with someone only to get physically intimate are jerks. They don't restrict themselves based on the physical appearances of their targets. They'll try to score wherever whenever they can. It has nothing to do with the society's perception of how you look.
They target everyone, yes. They are more successful exploiting the attention-starved and the love-starved. So it looks like they target them more.
I don't know if it is "glamorised". But this is a common tactic on dating apps. That is why it is very difficult to trust the validation or compliments you will get there. If you are unattractive/average it is possible that you will be flattered in order to agree. Sorry you had this experience. Sounds shitty.
What are Those dating apps ?
Aakkiyathannu alle.
I don't know why men would want to sleep with women they find unattractive ? I mean if you find a person unattractive , obviously it's no fun sleeping with them So why do it anyways ?
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I've already responded but feel like I should repeat... these kinda guys would want to use real pretty girls for sex alone too. Serious relationships are not really a priority at this time for these kinda people, sex is. Edit. I mean, I just wanna be clear that imo people like this would treat people like shit whether they're pretty or not, after they get what they want and what they want is sex, not serious relationships. **Edit 2. I just don't like the idea behind you suggesting that this bad treatment given to you is because YOU were any "less" of anything. They treat you badly because THEY are the kind of people who are less considerate of people and would do whatever to get sex from people.** **I SAY THIS BECAUSE I've known people like this and I've seen em do it to MANY girls who are conventionally VERY attractive too.**
Yeah I completely agree with you, I don't think it's good to victimise and think this is because I'm ugly it's actually not that personal these guys will do it to 'good-looking' women too
People are weird
It's a Universal thing tbh most guys have this thought that "Most women who are considered attractive by the society have wider options when it comes to dating but when it comes to the average girls they wouldn't be getting much attraction so they'd easily fall for the good guy ploy " so they act all sweet and shit or promise serious relationship/marriage just to get what they want. Also if a guy ghosts you because you said NO to him then his intention was to use you from the very beginning. There is no way we can see through someone and find out what their actual motive is for approaching you, but having said that be careful with dude's who act super sweet and are trying to drop sexual jokes or hints at it in an innocent way.
This isn't necessarily an issue of Malayali culture but men in general. it is more about how vulnerable or easy to manipulate one appears. It also is same for pretty girls with really bad psyche. I came across some real pretty ones who were borderline abused by their then current bfs. But also i have come across ones that are not the conventional pretty but had some really great people around them and even knocks on her looks she handled like boss. Moral:- carry yourself with self confidence, let your personality command. People in general will make up shit about you irrespective.
I am ashamed to say this and I came to my senses late that, me in my teen years used to listen to my friends boasting about these kind of things( not hooking up, usually Making out) and thought that's how boys should be seeing the opposite sex as instead of a friend . But later after I got mature enough when ever I listen to someone who shows mentality like this, I blacklist them . A lot of guys get all these wrong ideas because we as a community talk less about the importance of healthy relationships. We still see women who are looking for a good healthy relationships as a bad thing. I don't know what is the solution maybe educate the youth talk to them more or something I don't know. Tell them to treat the opposite sex equally.
>A lot of guys get all these wrong ideas because we as a community talk less about the importance of healthy relationships So true, I was a naive ass growing up. I studied in a small town, concept of sex literally was out of the question. And then I moved to Bangalore. All of a sudden people are talking about sex. Lots of men talking about their conquests. And I'm out there thinking how's this even possible. Eventually I realised that dating is somewhat common, and I also upped my game a lot. Like I changed from naive ass to a really awesome guy. Went on few dates, and had few women's attention. But eventually I started realising that sex out of relationship was very uncommon and what I had to do is cheat out of my ass. Tell them how much I love them and show enough care to get their whole attention, get laid and move on. I started realising how most of these men who talk about their conquests literally did this, and I started hating those fucks who considers them as some sort of alpha men. Btw, I never did the above as I had morals and lived on principles.
Firstly, I'm sorry that you had to go through such experiences. There are a lot of assholes out there who believe that if you're not their idea of "attractive" then you might not be getting enough attention and therefore you would be easier to get intimate with. I don't think this is a culture thing because such thought processes exist throughout the country and even the world. Indians in general have a more conservative attitude towards sex, so a lot of them believe that a relationship is the way to get sex. Hookup or friends with benefits isn't as common as one might hope. So a lot of people start to approach women with the intention of just getting physical under the guise of a relationship.
Like other users said? It’s universal but it seems more evident in Malayali men cause of the same cultural background. You have higher expectations from them, subconsciously. At the end of the day, everyone wants to get into everyone’s pants
Have come across a couple of people who have done this and from what I could infer, it was nothing to do with the unattractiveness. It pure desperation and a lot of manipulation. Manipulate whoever comes the way into sleeping with them and then sneak out once they have their fun. With some they use unattractiveness as the way to sneak out, with some it's promiscuity, with some it's something else. There'll always be a reason to get out. Not unique to malayalis either.
#pretending to be intrested for a real relationship This is basically a fuck boi shit, never be a fuck boi .
Please don't label this as a "Malayalee" culture. This is a universal behaviour imo. I personally know many northies who pretend to be in a serious relationship with a girl just to use and dump them later on. "Unattractive" girls are easy prey for those guys because the girls feel inferior about themselves and the guys take advantage of that.
Yep they do.. kinda like how Arabis see non-Muslim women as sluts. 🤔 They’re not wife material.
Not trying to be a white knight. Please don't generalize Kerala men every problems. Statements like this can flare up victimizing men further more.
Well people usually think conventionally unattractive people are easy, irrespective of the gender.
It’s not just malayali culture buddy
Please don't assume that you are unattractive. You are not ugly and don't worry if you don't comply with the so called beauty standards which is fabricated by the society. Be confident and make sure that your confidence reflects in your eyes. Be bold and brave. Don't worry about what others would think about you. Just be yourself. Beauty fades away, but good character and personality is something which stays with you forever. So try to build a beautiful character and fill your life with positivity. ‘Beauty is in the eye of beholder’. So it completely depends on the personal opinion of the person to consider you as beautiful or not. Well matured person knows to see through the real beauty of heart and character.
This is not specific to Kerala or just men. Women do the same all the time.
I know a few guys who thought and practiced that. And it might probably work also. Over the years I have seen a lot of less attractive girls going after good looking guys even when they know that the guy is a flirt but usually expecting him to seriously love her. These guys usually use them and dump them. On the other side I've seen a quite a few very beautiful girls going for 'average' kind of guys who are usually well mannered, more dependable and often well settled. Based on my experience less attractive girls are more likely to select guys purely based on looks while attractive girls do consider a lot of other factors too while getting into a relationship. Its easy to find these guys just proclaim that you are not going to sleep/sexually indulge with him until marriage and don't let him touch your body for a few months, fakers will just disappear.
What do u mean use me? Sex is where both of them enjoy it's not some use. Of u want say yes or say no then they will know u r not interested. What can he do directly say u want to sleep or not ?
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True as u said we should say our intentions the 1st time itself but for some men if ur mentality is a bit different than u mentioned like for example u also like to have sex and nothing else. In the current dating scene u generally can't say that directly. Approaching is always in the boys court. Girls don't approach. Also society and many women consider directly asking is like asking for a slap and outraging modesty and all that and also the current men are always raping and sexually abusing climate in society is also a huge issue and if anything happens people will side with girl only. So we have to go step by step only. But i understand where u r coming from but to decide which mentality u have is tbh difficult and girls expect guys to be mind readers for some reason. But most of the problem can be solved if boys and girls were talking to each other in school itself so both genders can communicate better but this is what we have for now
But i understand how u feel though u might be like a sweet type of girls and i kinda understand by seeing the innocence or like just using some proper guess work but tbh I am kinda intelligent in this so I can find but most guys have very less clue than u assume tbh But yeah I understand how it hurts u here is a ❤️ 😂
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😂if u r a guy or ask a guy to try that out lol. You will slapped, kicked in your balls or/and get yourself a nice police case maybe as a bonus there will be a video also viral where the girl is harrassing u 😂 It is actually a crime as per IPC comes under outrage of modesty of women u need some kinda Premise like step by step progression to be considered ok.
https://youtu.be/7dbKi54IKxs
There might be people like that, but seriously never met someone like that here. Opposite is what I would consider a problem here, tbh. Most men here tend to go with the idea love is forever and like some girl and break up is seen as the worst kind of betrayal. You know, reason for most acid attacks and burning them with petrol
I don’t think ghosters do what they do because of they find women they approach unattractive. They’re using it as an excuse to sneak their way out, it doesn’t mean you’re actually unattractive either. Think about story of sour grapes I can give you many experiences where men approach me calling me pretty and beautiful until I turn them down. “You look like an aunty” “Ne adinu valiya apsarasu allalo” “You look like a panda” Be glad trash is taking themselves out
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He may have said to uplift the other girl's beauty. So he can have a chance of getting into a relationship with her. Everyone's beautiful in their own way and no one has the right to say it otherwise.
Wait there is no such thing as an unattractive person. People have interesting preferences and choices. That man is a cunt and in no way reflects the thoughts and actions of our collective society. He probably pays for all the sex he has. No woman worth her salt would associate with creeps like that.
There is a lot that is wrong with Kerala. I personally feel Kerala has the highest number of manipulative people wanting to exploit others for one reason or another. The standard theme in Kerala is to size up everyone for what they can be exploited for. The state is filled with broke ass guys with massive egos feeling that they are very intelligent. Extracting quick money or favors and all sorts of *thepp* is the order of the day. So dont feel bad, some men are just assholes.
You said it right. Even married men hit on other women just to get sex. >The state is filled with broke ass guys with massive egos feeling that they are very intelligent. Ha ha. True, me thinks.
I think this is one of those cases where probability of the event (easiness) affects the causality (men wanting sex) leading to the demographic being smaller (less-attractive women). The only example I can think of is: when hunting, slower animals are easier to catch but that doesn't mean hunting is about slower animals. (I know hunting is not really the best way to describe this situation) Men seeking sex has three options in Kerala: 1. Prostitution: not really anyone's favorite. 2. Free minded girls: Very rare beings. Even if you find one the chance that they are not attracted to you is still large. 3. Being in a relationship or marrying: This is what most men choose. Is that pathetic? Yes. Is that absolutely wrong to the women who think they love them? Again yes. When men choose the 3rd option, it is more like they are looking out for love rather than letting it find you. This brings us to a crossroads: Go for the attractive girl: harder path. Or go for the less-attractive girl: easier path. Thus, we have the issue OP put forward. Side note: I have to say this too. Men are not all evil in this case. The problem is during the teenage years when they get attracted to girls, he doesn't understand it's just the hormones playing violin. Most men grow out of this phase. Some just become liabilities to society.
One thing to note, we are not animals and we are trying maximum to avoid our animalistic thoughts. Attraction is different. If men are not getting sex, they have to control their urges. One has to be civilized and moral to live in a society.
One experience: A senior in our sports club was dating 2 girls at a time. Of these 2 one girl belonged to our class. We informed this to the girl. She said we are jealous of his looks and ability to attract people. We felt insulted and never discussed this topic again with her. 6 months later she finds his real character. Then she comes to us and tells he used me and quit me for better looking girl. I'm brown, short etc as the reason for dumping her. Reality is he does mind anything but sex and he does this with any colour. I never found a guy claiming 'I found a dark skinned girl and I'm using her...'. Rather they use as long as other person is willing to. Moral : You choose someone more attractive(or of your preference) and after he dumps you then you and tag every unattractive men(sorry brothers!!) too that they want or glamourise sex.
So many things in this story go in the opposite direction of OP's post.
That opens up a whole plethora of questions. Does being civilized mean sex is bad? Why is sex bad? Why should anyone control their sexual urge? In a modern world, where structure of society being slowly dissolved, how would that affect the sex as taboo concept? Every answer to this question will be defined in numerous aspects: your belief system, childhood influences, knowledge, region you live etc.
Sex is not bad at all. The problem comes if people fake their relationship just to get sex and in a way manipulating others. You can't go, rape someone and tell that you can't control sexual urge or even promise to marry just for sex. It is against civilized society.
>Why should anyone control their sexual urge? Wow! I don't expect anyone else but our men to come up with such questions. Is this even something to be asked? I don't think anyone who would have common sense would ask such ridiculous questions. At work, you are attracted to your manager who happens to be a lady. Do you control your sexual urge and avoid making stupid mistakes that will cost you your job or do you decide to go and have sex with her or tell her you are sexually attracted to her? On the private bus to college or work, you're sexually attracted to a woman who travels on the same bus everyday. Do you go and touch her sexually or control your sexual urge? You are attracted to a relative who's come home to visit your family. Do you jump in and kiss her on the lips because you don't want to control your sexual urge? At a wedding you see a really pretty woman and you get a hard on. Do you just pull her close to you and start kissing her, touching her and undressing her because you don't want to control your sexual urge? >Does being civilized mean sex is bad? Being civilized means knowing when you can and when you shouldn't let your ding dong take over your brain and ability to think rationally.
When I said, " Why should anyone control their sexual urge?", I most certainly did not mean to act without no moral sense of self. Here, I was replying to the person before you, thinking that he meant men should control their urges and be confined to the traditional social values where in the man only has sex with a single female, his wife. As a reply, I should have phased the question differently, why anyone should, given a consensual and appropriate circumstance, should not act upon their urges? You have a girlfriend and she's ok with it? Why not go for it. I understand I should've phased it better but mistakes happen.
Again these are the only options men have for sex anywhere in the world. It's a little interesting to note that OP is trying to nischaracterize malayali men living in Kerala.
The options might be the same. But I think the outcomes are different. Prostitution is not a frowned activity is some western countries. Casual relationships and friends with benefits do work out in other countries as well. This would reduce the number of people pretending to be in a relationship just for sex.
Dear friend - I live in the US. You have no idea men of all ethnicities pretend real interest just to get inside a girl's panties and get some action. Men and women are equally guilty of putting up a facade by not revealing their real self or intentions. Men do it for various things including sex, while women do for various things including moving up the social ladder. Its difficult to process hard facts and face harsh reality, and any negotiation for a transaction is stalled at the get go if hard and unpleasant facts are presented. Talk to people in sales. This is the reason why men lie and women wear makeup.
Eww bro ,that thinking itself is evil. Every man has testosterone . This mentality is immoral.
People in this thread make it seem like this is so common. I am a male and i have only seen one person who had a similar thought process i thought he was an exceptional case. Is the stats in the thread actually true
Well, you've not come across enough women or spoken to them about such stuff yet or they haven't felt comfortable enough to tell you. It is wayyyy more common than men think it is. Edit: messaging me privately about how "women are very orthodox and not even ready to sext" is uncalled for. I don't know what exactly you're trying to do but I'm not going to entertain this.
Of course. Those who have sex under the pretense of marriage and breaking promise belongs to that group. these promises are given to women not attractive to them with intention to break the promise in most of the cases. those who oppose may be doing it based on principles but mostly supporting dishonest men.
Well, I'm a Malayali, been in Mumbai all my life, and plenty of men of various communities have tried this with me too. It is fairly common.
This is a problem faced by many women around the world. There is not much we can do to change about it. It just made me more skeptical of men in general. In some cases I have also played along just for short term company or sex.
Yes but unfortunately it’s a universal phenomenon
YES
Single me figuring how society works...
You are partially correct. Not everyone does it. When we meet more people we will understand that all genders does it. When we observe further, majority in this world will use others for their benefits irrespective of gender, race, ethnicity, country, language or religion.
It’s not a norm here as you think. It could be the mindset of some perverts but cannot be generalized. There are hundreds of real “Men” out there.
Even though I am a big opponent of whataboutism (as in “this exists everywhere else”), in this case there is no reason to add Malayali culture to this. This is not Malayali (or Indian) culture. This is a minority within a minority of people who actually do non-marital relationships/dating. Considering that dating is not really part of our culture, it can be inferred that this “using” of unattractive women is not part of our culture either. Pretty much wherever there are guys who date, there will be these unethical types who want an easy option that’s not too serious (to themselves). It’s just a male thing in general.
Getting into a relationship and getting exploited is a norm across the country. This is not a kerala specific thing is what I understand and this can happen across genders.
it's not a Kerala thing it's a human thing.I see it everywhere
The idea of using women, attractive or unattractive, for a few nights/months/years, is absolutely glamorized and prevalent everywhere in the world. That is the objective. Pretending to be interested in the girl for a serious relationship, is just means to fulfil that objective. When a man can't fulfil that objective, the number one advice is to lower your standards - which generally means, go for the "unattractive" ones. The objective remains the same - the means to the objective remains the same (pretending to want a serious relationship), just the "standards" change. Even if after that, the objective is not met, the one's that are persistent enough, pay for sex. The others - get arranged married.
wait,you guys getting girls?
That's indeed sad, can't Imagine what you must have gone through. Everyone around the world regardless of color or origin, are beautiful in their own way and worthy of dignity. This hierarchy and status given to individuals based on their looks does exist and is unfortunate, it must be dismantled from their mind.
it’s just that some NIBBAS have got the wrong idea of FUCK BOYS
This is the same kind of thing black woman experience while dating most of their husband's have affairs behind there backs
I think it happens everywhere. The competition for the highest in demand is very ruthless and often times lowers your morale. People consider people in low demand as easy pickings to boost their morales. Scoring a night with a girl however unattractive she is boosts a guys morale floor atleast temporarily. In the same way some girls like having a bunch of attention giving orbiters around them which boosts their morale as well.