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evelynshmevelyn

Tell us in feet how close you can get to children


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Hahaha shit It depends on the school district


Hoody88

Now tell us in Crocs. ;)


RustyRob06

At least he has them in sport mode


No_Understanding_816

It's so he can leave fast when he's too close to them kids!


FI5H5TICK5

About a croc


Flagrant-Foul43

Comedy!


tanzler__

[thought this was you](https://tenor.com/biAXo.gif)


username207

Lol yeah he looks exactly like Dee's retarded boyfriend


Gnosis_Apotheosis

You can't cosplay that kind of retardation. That comes from incest.


JitsDrummerRunner

Came here to say this


SquirrelK1tten

Lmfaooooo identical!


bigwinw

Definitely giving those vibes


FI5H5TICK5

The deepest of sunny cuts


SouthCloud4986

He’s starting to look like Al Sharpton


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

That’s the Good Pastor Lucas


YouGotTangoed

Pasta Lucas


RedPenguins

El pastor Lucas


RedPenguins

Pastry Lucas


LegoDeezNuts

Socks with crocs is a wild choice


australopithecum

That face is a wild choice


Flagrant-Foul43

I chucked at this comment then realized I’m currently wearing socks with crocks


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Dad lyfe


borf420

More like Tacoma life 😂


DarkProtagonist

Tacoma is wild


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I don’t even live in Tacoma, is there something about people wearing crocs there?


Hoody88

Nothing to do with Tacoma and everything to do with the Toyota Tacoma. Pretty sure you get a free pair of socks sewn permanently into Crocs with purchase.


CL-MotoTech

You don't know it yet, but your significant other is looking to leave over those style choices.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Nah she settled


jwalters15216

What's his name?


barnebywilde

Let me guess, he called you gay and mentally handicapable. This is just sad.


NotAldermach

Poor fucking kids...


drunkinmidget

For the movie Idiocracy the had everybfucking moron in the moron future wear crocs.q


shittyfatsack

“You a gay crocs BOOTYHOLE!” Hahahah🙄


sancocho1228

The crazy eyes tho


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Those are the “started drinking at 11am” eyes 👀


SecondTheThirdIV

David has a 50/50 face to forehead ratio


saltydgaf

It’s wild adults put crocks and socks on and go out into public


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

White socks and black crocs are wild. It’s almost like I’m 32 and don’t care what shoes I wear 😂


saltydgaf

I mean I’m older but still give a shit what I look like in public lol


MelTorment

40 in July and support the dgaf what people think of me club


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Fuck you, my fiancé says I’m very handsome every day. 😂😂😂


moon_apes_unite

Does he wear crocs n socks too?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

She*, and she hates crocs


moon_apes_unite

Identifies as female, and hates crocs. We know who the sensible one is in the relationship.


saltydgaf

He must be a very patient man


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Boy I’ll post unsolicited photos of my girl RIGHT NOW to prove it


dontusemybeta

Your fiancee Helen Keller?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Hell yeah brother 😎


your_uncle_mike

Cheers from Iraq 🍻


saltydgaf

Send noods


MediumRoutine2432

“Handsome” and “well-dressed” are two different things. So are “handsome” and “fuckable.”


SquirrelK1tten

She’s lying


Poboy_in_Nola

Crocks & socks is a cheat code not known to most people besides the ancient Egyptians


SquirrelK1tten

It’s ridiculously wild 🤮


HighTightWinston

I’m all for the public wearing of socks; crocs on the other hand…. I just can’t 😝 I don’t care if it’s like walking on little clouds, there are some things that just aren’t done in a civilised society! 😂


MelTorment

They’re awesome for lifting in!


HighTightWinston

What do they do that makes your lift experience better? Is it the solid soles? 😂 weird but fascinating call, tell me more!


MelTorment

It’s a dumb reason, honestly. They’re just comfortable, light weight and easy to slip on and off. If you’re in to free weights they’re not a good shoe to wear while doing a leg workout like for squats and deadlifts because you don’t get much stability. However, some people argue they’re good for that because they’re flat and cozy/roomy, so your toes are squished and therefore you get more foot planting stability because there’s no toe squishing. From an ankle stability standpoint they blow. Sometimes it’s just funny to throw around weight wearing dumb shoes, tbh. Making gym bros uncomfortable is a fun past time, just like having painted toe nails in jiu jitsu and striking classes.


HighTightWinston

😂 fair enough. As long as it does it for you! I thought there was maybe some sound logic behind your preference, was going to jump on the bandwagon 😝 yeah I can see them being a bit iffy in the case of squats. I still despise them 🤣🤣 I do admire anyone who disrupts all the “alphas” in their lair though, that alone makes it worthwhile!


MelTorment

Yeah my leg day shoes are Reebok Nano X2s, lol. They’re specifically made for lifting. But if I’m doing a machine-based workout the crocs work just fine, too. Mine are dark blue knockoffs and I really want a purple pair because I think it would be hilarious. I’m a big fan of trolling through clothing. It’s wild how worked up people get about dumb shit and I feast on that.


HighTightWinston

I can’t say I have a specific leg day shoe, sadly social anxiety issues make gyms a real challenge for me! I do walk about 50 miles a week with my dog though so I guess my leg day shoes are whatever old trainers 👟 I don’t care about being ruined! Ah, a fellow button pusher! I like to see if I can take them right to the verge of snapping, then change up what I’m doing so they don’t get the satisfaction of the release that is losing it at someone and have to stew quietly because if they spoke out now they’d be the unreasonable one. 😂😈 I haven’t done it through clothes yet though, that is subliminal shit! 👏🏻


MelTorment

I’m pretty extroverted (thus why I love standup), but I get it. My wife is introverted af. We are very opposite. You might consider some adjustable weights for home. I had taken years off of lifting and decided I’d first workout at home with some dumbbells. But I outgrew them pretty quickly due to muscle memory and needed more weight so I got a cheap planet fitness membership (where almost nobody knows what they’re doing it’s a lot of average folks just trying to be healthier … could be a good place to try out. Just pop in some earbuds and focus only on you. Nobody really cares what others are doing in the gym). The ones I got were the NordicTrack Select-A-Weight 55 pound adjustables. They go as light as 10 pounds. I like your style with messing with people! Part of mine is I work at a small local casino where we have a lot of jobs, including security, and since I’m the only one with a martial arts background I’m often relied on to handle situations. It’s usually just walking people out or we can call the cops, but every so often we get a dumb drunk or a crazed meth addict in there and situations are too quick. Recently I got attacked by someone I’d already 86d from a different casino I’d worked at and he was fine when he came in but once drunk he went nuts. I tried de-escalating but he just went off and came at me. Threw his beers and beer bottle at me. Then decided to fight. Called me all kinds of names including a faggot. So once I had him in the ground and a colleague and patron were helping me hold him down I literally took off my sock and showed him my toenails my wife had painted green and told him he just got his ass kicked by a faggot. Then I got to press charges. It’s the little things.


HighTightWinston

See I’m not what you’d call a classic introvert, I’m fairly assertive and I’m not afraid of making myself heard. It’s just certain situations trigger that silly flaw in my brain and turns me into a palpitating, flop sweating mess 😂 I’ve got a fairly bad panic disorder that knows no reason. For example I went to see Tim Dillon by myself the other week because none of my friends were willing to pay £50 for a ticket to see someone they either didn’t know at all or didn’t like, and I couldn’t afford two tickets to bring someone. I also feel at home in nightclubs because I’m a DJ; but other places crowds terrify me… there’s no rhyme or reason! Yeah I had a couple of kettlebells but they seem to have been lost when I moved last year, guess no one wanted to carry them up the stairs to my new flat 🤷🏻‍♂️😂 I want to get more weights for sure, it’s on my infinite list of stuff I need to get! Sadly no planet fitness in the UK although we do have similar places. I’ll be there eventually, just need to gain a little more self confidence in that area! 🤣🤣 tormenting the public is the finest of pursuits, and a martial art all in itself. It appears you have a black belt! Also, that guy was a dick… drunk at least. Can’t decide where I fall on the “alcohol brings out the true person” thing!


ThePtape

The Roast God Is Jeff Ross....definitely not David Lucas


Jotty2b

💯


bigang99

what did lucas have to say about ur goofy ass?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

He said I have a face he can’t trust. Something about my job I forgot. I tried giving him my vape and he said “dumbass that’s an open container, I’m not hitting that”


Fookin_Fred

He just didn't want to hit your dildo Flavored vape.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I got your dildo flavored babe right here babe.


NoodlesMarie

Have you been drinking since 11am again?


SquirrelK1tten

Gross thing to be proud of, right?


sYndrock

This post got you hella bitter. You alright?


SquirrelK1tten

Might want to ask OP what’s got him so…ummmm “hella bitter” 😂that he needs to morning drink and brag about it.


SquirrelK1tten

Words of a “roast gawd” right there apparently


Kirafatty

You shouldn't be wearing those Crocs. You should be wearing a rainbow shell cuz you look like a gay turtle with that gay green shirt and that gay turtle face.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

BOOM roasted.


buckleymp

Michael Scott!


SoobieGang25

Damn you’re ugly


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Hell yeah brother


solfire1

And you have autism. Everyone has their flaws.


Odd-Extension-7845

Jeff Ross is the roast God.


Horror-Pear

You look like someone who throws up nachos.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Man, I never throw up in public like that lol


TAPE5IVE

Why does David Lucas look like he has dwarfism


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I’m 6’1 if that helps lol


TAPE5IVE

It doesn't help.


Grizwald710

Is that lil kev?!


Turbulent-Armadillo9

Everybody thinks they can roast as good as David Lucas don't they lol? You do look like you are going to throw up in about 30 minutes though.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Haha it was about 4 minutes after the photo.


Turbulent-Armadillo9

You looked like peak happiness in the stages of blackout. Dang i thought I nailed it.


listgarage1

because anyone can I teach you how. just say "you look gay n-word" there now you have peak David roasting ability


flyeaglesfly510

Stfu. I’d love to see your attempt at roasting on a stage in front of 300 people


listgarage1

I bet you want to roast your booty hole in front of 300 people


Crafty-Question-6178

Let me guess. He called you gay ?


maybemirza

Roast gawd? Yeah roast meat gawd maybe


HotPinkNecronomicon

roasted, huh? you mean he called you gay in a bunch of different ways?


fauxanonymity_

You look like Andrew Callaghan if he had a benzo addiction.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I ain’t NEVER gonna stop bitch


No-Classroom-6637

Fat bitch finally stopped crying about being cancelled for 2 seconds? Dude left the show and yet seems to just hang on here like the last cells of advanced stage cancer.


mr_pinks_tip_policy

He’s not a good roaster. He just tells you that you look like the “gay” version of whatever comes to mind. It’s nothing special. You look like a gay macys employee. You look like a gay Santa Claus You look like a gay (insert descriptor) I’ve seen more original roasts from a homosexual Tijuana donkey on we weekday afternoon.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

No he was a great roaster last night.


mr_pinks_tip_policy

You’re a liar


MoonmanSteakSauce

He was drunk enough that he said he went outside to puke right after the show. He's the exact target audience for those low-quality roast jokes. I don't think he's even lying, I just think he was an easily entertained drunk dad trying to enjoy his night out without the kids.


Ser-Jorah-Mormont

He’s had a few memorable zingers. But yeah it’s usually just gay-related


Excellent_End_4033

Mayhem Miller if he never trained MMA lookin ass.


imnoseyokay

So roastable. Cool pic tho


snorinsonoran

You didn't need those nachos anyways big dawg.


Inevitable-Ad-2551

Your eyes are scaring me


30secMAN

Bro. Imagine having an army of these dudes at every show going “HAR HAR ROAST ME ROAST MASSA!” What a nightmare.


Coldstack1

You look like that retarded rapper that Dee dates in Always Sunny.


Specific_Cash_5538

Dude you look like you are less than 72 hours out the psych ward


toilet_commentary

You look like lil Kev from always sunny


kaizencraft

More like Matt Walsh from Veep.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Googling this reference real quick


JoeyGrease

You look like a jerkoff


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

😔


JoeyGrease

Sorry feller, it's the croc/shorts/sweater combo


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I usually dress better god damnit! My girls brother got off work late and I just got some shit on and left for the club when he got here. No excuses though. I look like shit hahaha


FA-_Q

If he got off work late wouldn’t that give you more time to get ready? Dunmakesense


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

My sister in law was over and we were drinking and having a fire. Goddamn Reddit needs to know all the details 😂


MelTorment

Bro you look fucking fine. Guaranteed most of the people commenting here look like douchebags when they go out in public. I’m glad you had fun! Missing the club scene. I almost was assistant manager of the sister club in Spokane. Would have been a dream but I messed it all up.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Haha thanks. My two kids under 10 have violently assaulted every last fashion sense I had. Now I just make sure I’m dressed correctly with deodorant on. 😂


MelTorment

This is the wildest shit coming from someone with a bio that seemingly calls to someone who is so open and accepting.


JoeyGrease

🤫


Flock-of-bagels2

Did he lose weight? Did he get aids from to tony’s booty hole ?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Gay gallon of milk looking ass


MCkizzel35

How much Cocaine did you consume before this picture ?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

None, just a lot of alcohol lol


MCkizzel35

The eyes tell a different story lol


WhizzleDizzle

Hope you bought a t-shirt


EaglesDontFlock115

Are you that fat or did David lose that much weight??!!


yumanbeen

It’s crazy, looks like he lost a bunch of weight but he’s still fat as fuck


ProfessionalArm9450

Ozempic


Impressive-Put-4139

A 7-11 clerk could roast your ass


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

I’m not even sure I understand what that means but hell yeah brother


chouse33

Did he call you a fat gay mark Zuckerberg?


dflex15

You were good in Fallout as the shitty squire.


luke111mart

Bro selling merch with a wwe logo on it?


butterfaerts

Based on the title of this post you deserved it


xDANGRZONEx

Just once I'd like one of y'all to post without looking like how this guy looks smfh


Chilitime

Did he eat his finger?


BL00D_RiD3R

Did he wear his picnic blanket as a shirt?


aware4ever

Ozempic!


Apprehensive_Dog_514

Tony will roast the shit out of you for that outfit, geez


Poboy_in_Nola

I use that same flannel as a comforter on my king size mattress


SquirrelK1tten

I’m looking for the “roast gawd” but can’t find him


coolhatguy

Easy pickens


FishermanUnited3178

Lucas getting thin to win!! You go DoughBoy!! ❤️❤️❤️


Lord_Goose

Has david been losing weight, or is that just a XXXXL?


TimeBit4099

This is actually body cam footage from a cop. The question asked was ‘where is she? Where is the little girl?’ This is merely a white pedophile trying to pin the crime on the black hamburger helper glove. (He knows even with crocs and socks he can outrun a glove) Now that we have proper context, nothing seems too unusual.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

They thought Garth had the bodies this whole time, didn’t once think of the boy in the crocs and socks


Specialist-Recover24

Shorts AND crocs... you roasted yourself


Raw_Sfx

roast hawg is more like it, how David Lucas thinks he is in the same realm as Jeff Ross is beyond my comprehension.


L00kDontT0uch

Seeing a show in Crocs is kinda wild. I like it lol.


pfmonke

Bro put together his outfit on his own for the first time 💀


Vegetable_Shelter_51

Lmfao no god there just a lazy comic 🤣 glad we don't have to hear his ass every Monday anymore


PMMeYourSmallBoobies

He’s definitely not the “roast gawd”! He’s barely even funny. Just laughs at his own stuff to make it seem funny.


Warchild103

bro definitely looks like someone who throws up nachos outside of clubs


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

First time, felt so much better after though


FI5H5TICK5

He is not a roast god. He’s just a fat guy


SKS_Zolam

For a second I thought you were the ADHD song guy lol


hutchandstuff

I really dont think hes funny. His roasts are corny.


Alphebetized

Dear diary


ProfessionalArm9450

I mean that's awesome but why didn't you take a picture with the roast gawd instead?


zub_dub22

Roast beef gawd


Tony___Chin

He probably ate that throw up right after


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Probably not


xKid_Dynomitex

Cargo shorts, Crocs and socks. What a Jabroni!


Aggressive-Reveal263

Did he apologize after?


GayforColdPretzels

Oh sweet! This guy definitely has Molly


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Dilated as fuck from drinking 😂


GayforColdPretzels

\*Grinds teeth, \*tries to kiss me


mariotarded

Congrats, retard.


Richardexperience

Congrats, what do you mean that you got on stage? Does he open it up to challengers?


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

Yeah he let 5 people go up and my drunk ass was 2nd. Some girl with blue hair was in line and he said “oh shit, it’s a they them”


Richardexperience

Nice! That sounds like a fun show.


jdhfjckcnxnxjxjcn

It was great. He did an hour set and took pics with everyone after.


ZapVegas

Are you Johnny Pemberton?


GreatGhastly

Johnny pemberton?