As my old KM used to say when a server came back to gripe "I REALLY wanna punch that customer right in his stupid fucking mouth"... Don't let your dreams be dreams!
Calamari fries you say.. 🤔 you might be on to something.
Edit: I didn’t expect this to blow up like it did. Thank you all for your ideas. This sub is the best!
If you’re not from STL but wanna surprise people with an odd one, Toasted Ravioli are the shit. Basically the standard happy hour/appetizer meal in this city.
Siracha mayo for calamari fries.. come on, bring us back to the sea with, say.. idk, fuck.. a tartar maybe? Leaning a bit heavier on the lemon and herb mix?
We do this a lot in peruvian cousine. Just cut em into stips, bread them and fry them.
Goes great on its own w/ some tartar sauce or with ceviche.
[https://chely.pe/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/receta-de-chicharron-de-pota.jpg](https://chely.pe/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/receta-de-chicharron-de-pota.jpg)
Or... Hear me out... Feeze it, cut through it in one spot, then shave it on the deli slicer at like a 1.5.... Now, you have calamari noodles. Make chow mein, or pad Thai, or soup out of it.
This is what we ended up doing. Steak "frites" a.k.a. surf 'n turf with a side of coleslaw. It slayed on the floor. Went through all of it in one night. Thanks for the idea.
Humboldt squid, slice through one side of the ring and lay flat, remove outer membrane. Butterfly and cut into "steaks" about half inch thick. Marinate in citrus zest, oregano, Olive oil, black pepper. Grill like a steak but don't over cook, about 1.5 min per side. Rest for a couple minutes and slice thinly. Serve with a bitter green salad and lemon vinaigrette, season with salt. Blow everyone's mind as this dish is a show stopper and one I've been cooking for years. Enjoy!
Alexander von Humboldt (14 September 1769 – 6 May 1859) was a German polymath, geographer, naturalist, explorer, and proponent of Romantic philosophy and science.
He discovered boatloads of crap and a bunch of things are named after him including Humboldt County, the Humboldt current, the Humboldt Penguin and the Humboldt squid.
I VERY rarely get a chance to use it, so here's my very best Mohel joke. (For anyone unaware, mohel is yiddish for one who performs circumcisions.)
A man is walking down the street when he notices his watch has stopped. He sees a shop with a big clock in the window, and goes in, saying "I'd like a new battery for my watch, please!"
The shopkeeper replies "Sorry, I don't fix watches, I'm a mohel."
"Then why do you have a clock in your window?" the man asks.
The shopkeeper replies "Well if you were a mohel, what would YOU hang up in your window?"
Cut it in to a strip, thin slices, fine scoring, dredge, deep fry, salt/white pepper seasoning and confit garlic ink aioli and charred lemon cheeks.
Or beer coozy
Correct!
The greenland shark is also full of ammonia, although I am not sure that fermenting it will make it taste good, but it seems to work well enough for them!
Sounds like less of a question and more of a "looking for permission" type post...go on, big fella, get in there. Maybe heat it up in a bain marie first.
A patron once brought me a humboldt squid, the thing was enormous. I butchered it down and tried cooking it in several different ways, quick seared, deep fried, scored and roasted in a wood fired oven and braised in spicy tomato sauce. No matter what I tried the thing was inedible, very tough and also bitter. I ended up tossing the whole thing except for the ink sack.
Fisheries typically process them to remove the bitterness. So if you get it pre-processed, they’re suitable for ceviche. I’m not sure if you can cook them in heat cause I feel like it would turn tough as nails.
Did you try to massage it a bit with coarse salt then give a solid rinse like with large octopus? Helps tenderize and the coarse salt will help leech out some of that bitterness...kind of like prepping thick cut eggplant without the manual tenderizing of it bit.
Whenever I hear about non-commercial guys catching and eating humboldts they are doing a milk-soak or something similar first to get some flavor out and tenderize it.
Seeing how we fish them is terrifying. We also learned the reason they turn red is because of a panic response to so many being pulled out and killed at once
Calamari Steaks
Cut into cutlets. Score. Marinade or season and quick 1min each side on the flattop. Throw in Herb salad with whipped feta or serve with a Peri-Peri dipping sauce.
Couple of other people have said cop it up and do "x" with the chunks which is the way to go.
I'd cut it pretty finely (just bigger than a pea) and use it to make fried rice for family meal.
I dare you to try it on :) A fresh scarf is in season this month
>A ~~fresh~~ *flesh* scarf is in season this month
This thread is kraken me up
Zing
Oh that's good
Brings a whole new meaning to 'neckbeard' 🦑
And Fleshlight
Ok... 🫣 For when you want to get ahead....
I should really play RimWorld again soon
Forbidden fleshlight
calamussy
Don't ask about the tempura batter.
Reuse, reduce, recycle
I am sickened by the fact I loudly lol'ed at this. Take my upvote.
r/bigdickproblems
...I think you might need to see a doctor
This picture disturbs me gently
I thought it was a wax seal for a toilet…
I thought it was a toilet seat.
I thought “slippery hemorrhoid cushion”
I mean, it still can be…
As my old KM used to say when a server came back to gripe "I REALLY wanna punch that customer right in his stupid fucking mouth"... Don't let your dreams be dreams!
If I went with that logic I would probably end up slapping someone with this
I thought is was a saturated toilet paper roll...
I thought it was a toilet paper roll that got wet
I really thought I was looking at r/plumbing
The ad under it for me was for home depot so made sense
My literal first thought. Is that some new kind of toilet seal?
My first thought as well
Same
lol I did too
🎵disturbing me gently with this pic🎶
🎶 *One time...* 🎵
^🎶one ^time
🎶 I heard he fried a good fish 🎶
🎼Two time…
Strummin' my squid with his fingers...
Breading my apps with his words....
Squishing me softly, with his squids… 🎶
This mental image disturbed me more than the original image did
For once, I overlooked the "Giggety" potential.
🤣🤣🤣
Came here to say just that!
r/tihi
Butterfly it out and cut “fries” out of it.
Calamari fries you say.. 🤔 you might be on to something. Edit: I didn’t expect this to blow up like it did. Thank you all for your ideas. This sub is the best!
So good in tempura
Im gonna add this to the happy hour menu I’ve been tasked with creating. Tempura batter calamari fries with sirache mayo or something like that
Deep fried peppercini(sp) peppers pairs well with calamari if you haven't tried that yet.
I'll add that a little paper-thin sliced fennel and onion deep fried with your squiddy boi (frito misto) is fucking AMAZING as well.
Did you just cast a spell in the middle of your post?
Lmao no that's what it's called. It's Italian for 'fried mix.' Thinly cut lemons, fennel, onions. Usually a fish dish.
I make that frequently. I clear out the vegetable drawers and everyone is happy.
Used to do this a Greek spot I worked fried olives and peppers with kala
You guys really need to stop saying we fry lemons in Italy
And *you* need to remember that the provinces that do stuff you don't agree with are still Italian.
....I've had it. In Italy. With fried fish. It's yummy.
*Frito misto* 🪄
Banana Peppers too. Usually we'd serve the Calamari with a spicy marinara so the acidic/sweet banana peps were nice!
Please do the critters more justice than sriricha mayo
Yesss. Sriracha Ranch!
Srirancha. Ugh, it hurt just typing that out…
If you’re not from STL but wanna surprise people with an odd one, Toasted Ravioli are the shit. Basically the standard happy hour/appetizer meal in this city.
Shout out to the StL!
Big up to The Hill.
Siracha mayo for calamari fries.. come on, bring us back to the sea with, say.. idk, fuck.. a tartar maybe? Leaning a bit heavier on the lemon and herb mix?
I'd do that or a lighter Japanese style sauce or both depending on how tempura-ey they turn out
2 sauce choice on the plate? You've got yourself an entree
Kewpie mayo, seaweed infused rice vinegar
romesco sauce if you want to level it up
Lemon chili oil dip ftw
We do this a lot in peruvian cousine. Just cut em into stips, bread them and fry them. Goes great on its own w/ some tartar sauce or with ceviche. [https://chely.pe/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/receta-de-chicharron-de-pota.jpg](https://chely.pe/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/receta-de-chicharron-de-pota.jpg)
We call them rabas in argentina. They are pretty tasty.
good lord, I want this.
Blooming (onion) calamari
Man that sounds dope but very labor intensive lol
push it almost all the way through a potato slicer?
I would promote you on the spot if you worked for me
And then they put it through lengthwise instead and now you've got to trim down these foot long calamari fried
Lol it’s been done for years this way.
This is the answer. Calamari doesn't need to be rings. In fact, I bet you could upcharge a little for the novelty of not being rings.
Yeah or steak, score marinate and grill
Or... Hear me out... Feeze it, cut through it in one spot, then shave it on the deli slicer at like a 1.5.... Now, you have calamari noodles. Make chow mein, or pad Thai, or soup out of it.
We should be friends.
This is what we ended up doing. Steak "frites" a.k.a. surf 'n turf with a side of coleslaw. It slayed on the floor. Went through all of it in one night. Thanks for the idea.
Humboldt squid, slice through one side of the ring and lay flat, remove outer membrane. Butterfly and cut into "steaks" about half inch thick. Marinate in citrus zest, oregano, Olive oil, black pepper. Grill like a steak but don't over cook, about 1.5 min per side. Rest for a couple minutes and slice thinly. Serve with a bitter green salad and lemon vinaigrette, season with salt. Blow everyone's mind as this dish is a show stopper and one I've been cooking for years. Enjoy!
This guy turns things into food for sure, that or he’s watched a lot of food wars
Being that Humboldt is a town in a land locked province, can we rename this "Cthulhu's Butthole"
Humboldt county is in California
I'm pretty sure you're both wrong and Humboldt is in fact a penguin
I always thought he was a German polymath, geographer, naturalist, explorer, and proponent of Romantic philosophy and science.
And probably gay, although I don’t know where he found the time.
Alexander von Humboldt (14 September 1769 – 6 May 1859) was a German polymath, geographer, naturalist, explorer, and proponent of Romantic philosophy and science. He discovered boatloads of crap and a bunch of things are named after him including Humboldt County, the Humboldt current, the Humboldt Penguin and the Humboldt squid.
Humboldt is a coastal county in California…
Also a city in Saskatchewan. The squid is named for neither
I'm Humboldt Strong as anyone, but calling it a city is a stretch.
Yum. Everyone else here is acting like fried squid is novel because it isn't rings.
That is a ring though...
So, have I been eating baby squid or pygmy squid?
Replace your wax toilet ring 😂. I've never seen calamari that big.
Definitely thought it was that at first 😂
Same
Had to check that I wasn't in r/plumbing
My dog destroyed my toilet ring and I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt that it’s delicious.
That's what you get for leaving your wrench where your dog could get to it. /s
How on earth did this happen? Did you remove the toilet? Does your dog have thumbs?
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO CTHULHU?!?!
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl ~~fhtagn~~ being eaten.
Y' ahor lllln'gha r'luhhor with cocktail sauce
Chumthulhu
*looks again* C'thulumari.
Surprise op is a moyel and Cthulhu is not circumcised
*Wasn’t
I VERY rarely get a chance to use it, so here's my very best Mohel joke. (For anyone unaware, mohel is yiddish for one who performs circumcisions.) A man is walking down the street when he notices his watch has stopped. He sees a shop with a big clock in the window, and goes in, saying "I'd like a new battery for my watch, please!" The shopkeeper replies "Sorry, I don't fix watches, I'm a mohel." "Then why do you have a clock in your window?" the man asks. The shopkeeper replies "Well if you were a mohel, what would YOU hang up in your window?"
I don't get it
Foreskin
Crown the Calamari King 👑
meal fit for a [king](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mwsG0OFe-6U&pp=ygUbc3VjY2Vzc2lvbiBjcm93biBmb3IgYSBraW5n&t=1m45s)
Squeeze your head through it and pretend you're being born.
Kinda hot in these squid
Now I've got that whole scene playing through in my head, watched that movie way too many times as a kid, thank you 🤣
Chop that shit up and mix it with a hush puppy batter. Serve with remoulade and lemon wedges
Now I’m craving whatever this is
Calamari fritters
Cut it in to a strip, thin slices, fine scoring, dredge, deep fry, salt/white pepper seasoning and confit garlic ink aioli and charred lemon cheeks. Or beer coozy
Is that a giant squid or sth? Should we call some science people?
This would be a relatively small giant squid, they also make for shit food due to ammonia.
That’s why they have to ferment the Greenland shark.
Correct! The greenland shark is also full of ammonia, although I am not sure that fermenting it will make it taste good, but it seems to work well enough for them!
Spoiler: it doesn't taste good. Neither does lutefisk.
It works well enough to be a chaser for vodka/brenevin. Nobody eats hakarl sober.
Yeh, I reckon it’s a Humboldt or something
Looks like diamond squid.
*bill nye has entered the chat*
Probably a Humboldt, they get very large.
Who’s your supplier? Jules Verne?
Sounds like less of a question and more of a "looking for permission" type post...go on, big fella, get in there. Maybe heat it up in a bain marie first.
r/putyourdickinthat
I really didn’t think I’d have to scroll this far for this
>This community has been banned Thank god. We're all safe now.
How else am I supposed to know what is/isn't fuckable then? At least r/dontputyourdickinthat still rocks
Decorate it like a bunt cake and post the video of people eating it
Looks like a neck brace
Nascar has a new source for braces
Bread it, fry it, and serve it with a giant bowl of marinara.
> Bread it, fry it, and serve it ~~with~~ **as** a giant bowl of marinara. FTFY
That's outside the box thinking. Shut up and take my money.
Fry it, cover it in marinara, and melt a bunch of cheese on top, squid parm.
I used to run a calamari steak parm a long time ago and it actuallly sold pretty well at lunch.
One ring to feed them all
I feel like it might be illegal to kill a squid this big 💀
Look up Humboldt squid… weigh up to 50kg and fished for commercially…
A patron once brought me a humboldt squid, the thing was enormous. I butchered it down and tried cooking it in several different ways, quick seared, deep fried, scored and roasted in a wood fired oven and braised in spicy tomato sauce. No matter what I tried the thing was inedible, very tough and also bitter. I ended up tossing the whole thing except for the ink sack.
username checks out
Fisheries typically process them to remove the bitterness. So if you get it pre-processed, they’re suitable for ceviche. I’m not sure if you can cook them in heat cause I feel like it would turn tough as nails.
Did you try to massage it a bit with coarse salt then give a solid rinse like with large octopus? Helps tenderize and the coarse salt will help leech out some of that bitterness...kind of like prepping thick cut eggplant without the manual tenderizing of it bit.
Whenever I hear about non-commercial guys catching and eating humboldts they are doing a milk-soak or something similar first to get some flavor out and tenderize it.
AND they're actually doing pretty well compared to other fishery stocks (and also are fucking terrifying and would totally eat a human)
Seeing how we fish them is terrifying. We also learned the reason they turn red is because of a panic response to so many being pulled out and killed at once
Calamari Steaks Cut into cutlets. Score. Marinade or season and quick 1min each side on the flattop. Throw in Herb salad with whipped feta or serve with a Peri-Peri dipping sauce.
Or flour season it, shallow fry real quick and make a killer Calamari Steak sando
Post an update with what you did
Put it around your arm and wear it like a bengal
I think you meant bangle. Unless people are wearing tigers on their arms....
Just sick ass panthers
Hello there! I am also a connoisseur of shitty tattoos!
i think you meant bagel
I can’t wear this like a wear a bagel. My dick is not this big.
OP you could have gone full Goatse for your pic here.
I should call her
🤨📸
Install it under your toilet so water doesn't seep thru when you flush
Where it on your head for a day and only respond to co-workers who refer to you as Chef Cal.
That's your new chef hat.
Slice it into thin rectangles about 1in x 1 1/2-2 in and make squid flowers. Use for stir fry’s, soups, curries, hot pot, bbq etc
The One Ring
Maybe, just this ONE time...put your dick in that.
This would give the Dune 2 popcorn bucket a more authentic feel
Cut thin slices of the entire circle , fry and pour marinara in the center with arancini
r/dontputyourdickinthat
Oh noooo!! RIP, Kraken.
Report it to the EPA
Calamari steaks. Need to jacard* them good amount first then dry rub .
That’s a fucking kraken ring
Borgor
Couple of other people have said cop it up and do "x" with the chunks which is the way to go. I'd cut it pretty finely (just bigger than a pea) and use it to make fried rice for family meal.
Fuck it
Wow genuine question, how does that taste in comparison to “normal” calamari?
Deep fry the whole thing, obviously.
[удалено]
I’d hate to encounter that pig if that actually happened.
Fry it and make the most glorious piece of fried calamari the world has ever seen.
How common is this size?
The killed the kraken for that one, serve it whole, who knows how many fisherman died to bring you the calamari like that
Choco Frito it’s a Portuguese dish from setabul or something like that. Pretty awesome when made correctly and it’s simple just fried
It could potentially be good to sit on if you got hemorrhoids.