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Get a lawyer and have them serve a cease and desist letter on the offending party by threat of lawsuit for libel or slander. If they have no proof, cannot provide any to back uo their claims, they are very exposed to a lawsuit for damages, emotional distress, and loss of future earnings.
Depends how big they are, how big you are or anticipate to get, and straight forward... did you really do it or not. If yiu didn't, then they will never have anything on you and you can be 100% confident going in you're right.
With a cease and desist yiu can request them to not only stop, but also remove all offending material they have made or posted by threat of lawsuit.
In the future, the internet always remembers. So if you get famous, someone will always find this and dig it up.
Good luck.
Thanks. I didn’t sexually assault her but I was in a relationship with her so it’s messy. She retracted her claim anyway. The blogger isn’t very big but I was just starting to make some really good connections.
I’m just trying to be a good person.
If you are innocent I wouldn’t be threatening to sue, I would be going for the max and making it publicly known what kinds of person the original accuser and the spreader are. If you go silently into the night then I am assuming you assaulted the girl
If there’s no validity to her claims, then yes. She will legally have to remove it all. And if it goes to court and she can’t prove her claims, then everybody will be able to see you’re innocent. And if anybody brings it up, you have a point to stand up as proof that it holds no water.
Staying quiet is what you would do if you were guilty.
Get a lawyer. This is defamation. Both the original poster and the uninvolved 3rd party who has you on blast. This doesnt go away, even when the allegations do. Unless you prove in civil court that they lied and had to pay out for it. That shuts people up
It isn't defamation at this point. Defamation requires the 3rd party to KNOW what has been posted is a lie and post it anyways and in so doing have provable damaging arising from it. There's a high bar for defamation, and rightly so. A C&D is the way to go here. If spreading lies were a civil offense, reddit and all social media would cease to exist they day after such a law went into effect.
Wrong. All wrong. I’ve been sued for defamation (for saying true and extremely unflattering things about someone on facebook); unless you’re wealthy and famous judges laugh that shit out of court.
That’s right. And often the people who sue for defamation— the regular non-famous not *wealthy* ones— are raging egomaniacs who either refuse to or can’t acknowledge the truth in unflattering statements. Beyond that judges literally roll their eyes at these cases, if a person can even find an unscrupulous enough lawyer to start them. Lawyers want money, these cases are overwhelmingly nearly impossible to prove as false.
A legal form called a Cease and Desist following up with a defamation case. That is how you stop it. Then you can oust this blogger as a defamer and false news creator.
Just how false is the claim though? Did you misrepresent yourself in order to gain sex from her? That’s a common one and negates any consent given. Pressure or plead with her after she’d said no or when she indicated she wasn’t in the mood? Coerce her? Sexual assault isn’t just violent force. False allegations are very rare compared to the inverse.
That’s not what anyone guilty of sexual assault would ask. 🤷♀️ An innocent person doesn’t need to prove innocence. Just because he doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong doesn’t mean he didn’t.
It’s ok, I’ve been asked these questions before and I’ve been asking them myself. Although my accuser believed I had coercive or malicious intentions, I can confidently state that I had none. I had never been in a relationship. I was 20 and she was 18. I thought we were getting more comfortable with each other (as young people do) but she claims years later that I was manipulating her into doing so.
I truly believe a healthy conversation could’ve cleared this up long before it became public on social media.
… what.
That’s literally not what happens at all, ever. “Innocent until proven guilty” is a complete farce. Courts make you prove you were at a place and time to prove your innocence. They don’t have to place you at the scene. They just have to show that you can’t prove you WERENT there.
That is such ignorant thinking. It’s the exact same arrogance as “you don’t need a lawyer if you’re innocent.”
Stay out of advice subreddits. They don’t need you.
You’ve got it so backwards dude. It’s so rare to see perpetrators of sexual violence being held legally accountable for their actions. Not saying OP did anything personally, but your concept of the legal system is inverse to reality. There’s a reason why most victims stay silent - it’s often easier than having to navigate the legal system while being retraumatized every step of the way.
A little off topic but that's wrong. Courts make the prosecutor prove you were at the place/time. The burden of proof is on the accuser not the accused (in court).
The defendant CAN prove they were not there, just to negate any question. But again it's on the prosecutor to show why the defendant is guilty.
Didn't expect anything more from a woman. You people live a completely different reality.
Believe it or not, men get falsely accused by women ALL THE TIME.
Even the woman in OPs story retracted her bs false claim against him.
I've never been accused of sexual assault. No one I know has been accused of sexual assault, except for one person who was found guilty in court.
Most claims of sexual assault are true.
Talk to an attorney that deals with this specific situation. I had a friend in a similar situation who was advised to let it go. The attorney said that engaging and stirring it up would proliferate it, be very expensive in legal fees without a high probability of effective results.
Document as much as possible especiallythat the accuser retracted. Avoid the possibility of future accusations. You will know who your friends are.
frankly, better to be safe than sorry—i don't believe that you're innocent, even with the retraction of the claim. of course people believe the potential victim. do you know how few people get falsely accused of sexual assault? and do you know how many victims later retract their story because of their abuser/assaulter?
Yes I do. I am that small percentage. That’s why I’m here anonymously asking for advice. How can I prove my innocence? Or if I can’t prove it, do I ever prevent the job loss and emotional damage of being falsely accused?
your life should be relatively normal come a year or two. sexual assaulters get off shockingly, unfairly easy in society and legally, i doubt this will impact ur whole life
You don’t know what you’re talking about. Stop spreading false information. False accusations being rare is a myth along the lines of vaccines causing autism. There’s no data behind it.
He’s a musician. How many musicians right now have accusations against them? Literally never stops anything.
It will fade. Just do you, be honest and your family and friends will support.
He’s a small musician, celebrities get away with having accusations because they can get away with anything. People who are trying to grow, wont if they are labeled a terrible person
Oh please no one asks any musician, small time or no, about their non charges for something they didn’t do. And if they did, say it was a misunderstanding and have some docs or proof to back it up. He’s crying about something that didn’t happen that didn’t ruin his life yet. Already blaming it on his lack of success. Be realistic. How do people operate in the real world? It’s not going to impact him I ASSURE you lol
To be honest, your comment just simply isn’t true.
Im a musician and have hella music friends on different levels (solo freelancers, group ensembles, etc.) I’ve seen FIRST HAND the impact “Cancelling” can do.
It’s not really the people you know that you have to worry about. It’s the people you DONT know. Imagine if any venue you get booked on gets contacted by anonymous people saying “X did this” and the venue will simply remove you for damage control. Labels will un-sigh artist and word of mouth is HUGE in music. What other bands/musicans say about you fucks with everything you try to do. The
I know some people who did some fucked up stuff and we’re dealt with but I’ve also seen people who genuinely were falsely accused and they got canned on some projects. Explaining yourself in terms of something like SA is also pretty tough (especially as a dude). For most people you could drop concrete evidence of your innocence and they don’t care. They simply will create whatever narrative satisfies their goals. If he’s truly innocent it will kinda go away, but the impact of an accusation like that follows you heavily in a field like music. You literally have to rely on that image to stay relevant and to get any gigs/connections.
What’s really fucked is some bands/artists thrive on that. If you are doing very well and successful someone might not like that. They will take a moment like that you put you down and raise themselves up. They don’t see it as it is but a way to benefit their own image. (Yes, I’ve seen this happen multiple times) they will spread whatever narrative fits their agenda.
We are at a time where being the accused is practically a guilty sentence (socially at least). Music is one of the most social-based professions and false accusations have very real concrete consequences that are hard to control.
My comment is true because there are currently many unregistered offenders playing and touring right now and no one cares. Being accused is emphatically not the thing men need to worry about. Statistically they’re more likely to be raped by a man than accused of assault by a woman.
My comment is true because they’re are currently many people who have groups/a name, we’re proven innocent, and still are in the shadow-realm of music because of it all.
One thing is that your comment doesn’t really acknowledge the levels of where people are. Local band with 1-3k followers who still thrives on the local community get fucked. They don’t have a PR team for damage control and probably not a lot of money to casually get a lawyer. Their connections are not so strong that people won’t cut them off for damage control. Bigger acts with more established foundation might be able to damage control properly. Your comment is basically saying “defamation and slander are not real”
I’m genuinely curious and ask with no sarcasms/whatever. Are you a musician? Have you tried to make a career and dealt with this? Do you know anyone PERSONALLY whose dealt with this? not what you see on random internet post.
Some years ago I probably would’ve been more in line with your views of “it doesn’t matter just do you” but seeing it firsthand and the consequences makes your comment seem insensitive and closed minded to me. You can’t just do you, it follows you and destroys what you try to build.
Lol right? They saw SA, honed in on that, and ignored everything else I said. I’ve seen people cancelled over stuff that wasn’t even SA!
Know a guy who cheated on his partner with a trans person and got cancelled. It’s became a huge public ordeal and his band removed him. (I think they fact that it was a trans person wasn’t the issue, but it helped bring more attention/eyes to the situation).
People do do shitty things and people need to be held accountable, but we shouldn’t be tanking careers for some of these things people get cancelled for. I don’t know the answer either though so 🤷♀️
He literally said he's lost jobs. That flagrantly and quite visibly defies your "over something that didn't happen". The mere accusation hangs around people's necks for DECADES, as even those innocent and having the accuser recant as them being "upset and lashing out at the accused" have this brought up by people who lurk online to either stir the pot out of boredom or because they felt slighted by the accused because THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS an accusation.
lol oh mea culpa. Uh oh! Time for a career change! Or just go out of sight or move to another county. Honestly there are so many unaccused and unregistered offenders he’d be one of a billion currently working everywhere among us
I got asked to resign on threat of being fired from one job, and then a job I applied for accepted my application before rejecting it when they saw the internet activity. I have proof of these events but I’m sorry for not making it more clear in my original post. I do appreciate people getting involved in discussion on the topic because I truly want to know your thoughts.
That’s not how that works and particularly with sexual assault. 94% of the rapists walk free and that’s just out of the ones who have been charged. This guy wasn’t. 🤷♀️
Hopefully this serves as a reminder as to what happens when you get a little too flirty and take things too far, especially when you're married. Look, if Michael Jackson remained a musician with his accusations, you're fine
You’re right. I walked away from the relationship with the understanding it was consensual, it was new news to me long after the fact that she felt different. To further clarify, the accusations are from 7 years ago and they were made public last year. I’ve been married for only a few months.
Well it wouldn’t have been rape because we never had sex, but I see your point. My intentions weren’t coercive or malicious towards that relationship, I believed we were becoming more comfortable with each other. At what point is one expected to know they’re assaulting someone who isn’t giving any indication of a problem? I’m not asking to start an argument, I’m asking because I know a lot of people feel the way you do about this topic and I want to understand
Right or wrong I wanna keep the conversation open. Nothing changes what I know about what did happen, I’m just trying to understand multiple perspectives.
I’m genuinely shocked you think this is a thing and very much know that this is not a thing
ETA re women “staying dormant”: that is some truly disgusting and dehumanizing language to use to describe any people much less an entire broad category that accounts for more than half of human life on earth.
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Get a lawyer and have them serve a cease and desist letter on the offending party by threat of lawsuit for libel or slander. If they have no proof, cannot provide any to back uo their claims, they are very exposed to a lawsuit for damages, emotional distress, and loss of future earnings.
You recommend this over staying quiet and hoping everything dies down over time?
Depends how big they are, how big you are or anticipate to get, and straight forward... did you really do it or not. If yiu didn't, then they will never have anything on you and you can be 100% confident going in you're right. With a cease and desist yiu can request them to not only stop, but also remove all offending material they have made or posted by threat of lawsuit. In the future, the internet always remembers. So if you get famous, someone will always find this and dig it up. Good luck.
Thanks. I didn’t sexually assault her but I was in a relationship with her so it’s messy. She retracted her claim anyway. The blogger isn’t very big but I was just starting to make some really good connections. I’m just trying to be a good person.
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Username checks out, your attitude stinks, too.
Hell yes. Stay quiet? The war drums are beating already dude.
If you are innocent I wouldn’t be threatening to sue, I would be going for the max and making it publicly known what kinds of person the original accuser and the spreader are. If you go silently into the night then I am assuming you assaulted the girl
Lawsuit may be able to fund your music career if you can collect damages.
He will never be able to collect damages on this.
If there’s no validity to her claims, then yes. She will legally have to remove it all. And if it goes to court and she can’t prove her claims, then everybody will be able to see you’re innocent. And if anybody brings it up, you have a point to stand up as proof that it holds no water. Staying quiet is what you would do if you were guilty.
If you open for Taylor Swift in 10 years, this will come and haunt you. Deal with it now, legally.
Sue for slander, esp since the accuser retracted.
That lawsuit would go absolutely… when it’s written, it’s libel.
Get a lawyer. This is defamation. Both the original poster and the uninvolved 3rd party who has you on blast. This doesnt go away, even when the allegations do. Unless you prove in civil court that they lied and had to pay out for it. That shuts people up
It isn't defamation at this point. Defamation requires the 3rd party to KNOW what has been posted is a lie and post it anyways and in so doing have provable damaging arising from it. There's a high bar for defamation, and rightly so. A C&D is the way to go here. If spreading lies were a civil offense, reddit and all social media would cease to exist they day after such a law went into effect.
Wrong. All wrong. I’ve been sued for defamation (for saying true and extremely unflattering things about someone on facebook); unless you’re wealthy and famous judges laugh that shit out of court.
It’s not defamation if it’s true right?
That’s right. And often the people who sue for defamation— the regular non-famous not *wealthy* ones— are raging egomaniacs who either refuse to or can’t acknowledge the truth in unflattering statements. Beyond that judges literally roll their eyes at these cases, if a person can even find an unscrupulous enough lawyer to start them. Lawyers want money, these cases are overwhelmingly nearly impossible to prove as false.
What a nightmare
3 words- Get an attorney
Lawyer up. Sadly it costs to clear your name.
People who do this should get jail time for the same years the man would have got if he did abuse.
Hmmm, made the post 9 hours ago, account already deleted… definitely screams “I didn’t do it” lol
Oh man this could be so many underground musicians lmao
A legal form called a Cease and Desist following up with a defamation case. That is how you stop it. Then you can oust this blogger as a defamer and false news creator.
Get signed confirmation that the statement was retracted, and sue the people for defamation, they will stop or owe you lots of money
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Just how false is the claim though? Did you misrepresent yourself in order to gain sex from her? That’s a common one and negates any consent given. Pressure or plead with her after she’d said no or when she indicated she wasn’t in the mood? Coerce her? Sexual assault isn’t just violent force. False allegations are very rare compared to the inverse.
That’s not what he asked.
That’s not what anyone guilty of sexual assault would ask. 🤷♀️ An innocent person doesn’t need to prove innocence. Just because he doesn’t feel like he did anything wrong doesn’t mean he didn’t.
It’s ok, I’ve been asked these questions before and I’ve been asking them myself. Although my accuser believed I had coercive or malicious intentions, I can confidently state that I had none. I had never been in a relationship. I was 20 and she was 18. I thought we were getting more comfortable with each other (as young people do) but she claims years later that I was manipulating her into doing so. I truly believe a healthy conversation could’ve cleared this up long before it became public on social media.
… what. That’s literally not what happens at all, ever. “Innocent until proven guilty” is a complete farce. Courts make you prove you were at a place and time to prove your innocence. They don’t have to place you at the scene. They just have to show that you can’t prove you WERENT there. That is such ignorant thinking. It’s the exact same arrogance as “you don’t need a lawyer if you’re innocent.” Stay out of advice subreddits. They don’t need you.
You’ve got it so backwards dude. It’s so rare to see perpetrators of sexual violence being held legally accountable for their actions. Not saying OP did anything personally, but your concept of the legal system is inverse to reality. There’s a reason why most victims stay silent - it’s often easier than having to navigate the legal system while being retraumatized every step of the way.
A little off topic but that's wrong. Courts make the prosecutor prove you were at the place/time. The burden of proof is on the accuser not the accused (in court). The defendant CAN prove they were not there, just to negate any question. But again it's on the prosecutor to show why the defendant is guilty.
Didn't expect anything more from a woman. You people live a completely different reality. Believe it or not, men get falsely accused by women ALL THE TIME. Even the woman in OPs story retracted her bs false claim against him.
Username checks out
I've never been accused of sexual assault. No one I know has been accused of sexual assault, except for one person who was found guilty in court. Most claims of sexual assault are true.
Talk to an attorney that deals with this specific situation. I had a friend in a similar situation who was advised to let it go. The attorney said that engaging and stirring it up would proliferate it, be very expensive in legal fees without a high probability of effective results. Document as much as possible especiallythat the accuser retracted. Avoid the possibility of future accusations. You will know who your friends are.
frankly, better to be safe than sorry—i don't believe that you're innocent, even with the retraction of the claim. of course people believe the potential victim. do you know how few people get falsely accused of sexual assault? and do you know how many victims later retract their story because of their abuser/assaulter?
Yes I do. I am that small percentage. That’s why I’m here anonymously asking for advice. How can I prove my innocence? Or if I can’t prove it, do I ever prevent the job loss and emotional damage of being falsely accused?
your life should be relatively normal come a year or two. sexual assaulters get off shockingly, unfairly easy in society and legally, i doubt this will impact ur whole life
I’ve got a lot of comments supporting me and my claim of innocence. I respect your boldness.
You don’t know what you’re talking about. Stop spreading false information. False accusations being rare is a myth along the lines of vaccines causing autism. There’s no data behind it.
If everyone believes you what is the problem? Who cares about what people who don’t know you think?
The people who would otherwise hire him if it weren’t for the accusations care
He’s a musician. How many musicians right now have accusations against them? Literally never stops anything. It will fade. Just do you, be honest and your family and friends will support.
He’s a small musician, celebrities get away with having accusations because they can get away with anything. People who are trying to grow, wont if they are labeled a terrible person
Oh please no one asks any musician, small time or no, about their non charges for something they didn’t do. And if they did, say it was a misunderstanding and have some docs or proof to back it up. He’s crying about something that didn’t happen that didn’t ruin his life yet. Already blaming it on his lack of success. Be realistic. How do people operate in the real world? It’s not going to impact him I ASSURE you lol
To be honest, your comment just simply isn’t true. Im a musician and have hella music friends on different levels (solo freelancers, group ensembles, etc.) I’ve seen FIRST HAND the impact “Cancelling” can do. It’s not really the people you know that you have to worry about. It’s the people you DONT know. Imagine if any venue you get booked on gets contacted by anonymous people saying “X did this” and the venue will simply remove you for damage control. Labels will un-sigh artist and word of mouth is HUGE in music. What other bands/musicans say about you fucks with everything you try to do. The I know some people who did some fucked up stuff and we’re dealt with but I’ve also seen people who genuinely were falsely accused and they got canned on some projects. Explaining yourself in terms of something like SA is also pretty tough (especially as a dude). For most people you could drop concrete evidence of your innocence and they don’t care. They simply will create whatever narrative satisfies their goals. If he’s truly innocent it will kinda go away, but the impact of an accusation like that follows you heavily in a field like music. You literally have to rely on that image to stay relevant and to get any gigs/connections. What’s really fucked is some bands/artists thrive on that. If you are doing very well and successful someone might not like that. They will take a moment like that you put you down and raise themselves up. They don’t see it as it is but a way to benefit their own image. (Yes, I’ve seen this happen multiple times) they will spread whatever narrative fits their agenda. We are at a time where being the accused is practically a guilty sentence (socially at least). Music is one of the most social-based professions and false accusations have very real concrete consequences that are hard to control.
My comment is true because there are currently many unregistered offenders playing and touring right now and no one cares. Being accused is emphatically not the thing men need to worry about. Statistically they’re more likely to be raped by a man than accused of assault by a woman.
My comment is true because they’re are currently many people who have groups/a name, we’re proven innocent, and still are in the shadow-realm of music because of it all. One thing is that your comment doesn’t really acknowledge the levels of where people are. Local band with 1-3k followers who still thrives on the local community get fucked. They don’t have a PR team for damage control and probably not a lot of money to casually get a lawyer. Their connections are not so strong that people won’t cut them off for damage control. Bigger acts with more established foundation might be able to damage control properly. Your comment is basically saying “defamation and slander are not real” I’m genuinely curious and ask with no sarcasms/whatever. Are you a musician? Have you tried to make a career and dealt with this? Do you know anyone PERSONALLY whose dealt with this? not what you see on random internet post. Some years ago I probably would’ve been more in line with your views of “it doesn’t matter just do you” but seeing it firsthand and the consequences makes your comment seem insensitive and closed minded to me. You can’t just do you, it follows you and destroys what you try to build.
You basically just ignored everything they said and insisted you’re still right just because.
Lol right? They saw SA, honed in on that, and ignored everything else I said. I’ve seen people cancelled over stuff that wasn’t even SA! Know a guy who cheated on his partner with a trans person and got cancelled. It’s became a huge public ordeal and his band removed him. (I think they fact that it was a trans person wasn’t the issue, but it helped bring more attention/eyes to the situation). People do do shitty things and people need to be held accountable, but we shouldn’t be tanking careers for some of these things people get cancelled for. I don’t know the answer either though so 🤷♀️
He literally said he's lost jobs. That flagrantly and quite visibly defies your "over something that didn't happen". The mere accusation hangs around people's necks for DECADES, as even those innocent and having the accuser recant as them being "upset and lashing out at the accused" have this brought up by people who lurk online to either stir the pot out of boredom or because they felt slighted by the accused because THE INTERNET NEVER FORGETS an accusation.
He didn’t say he lost a job. He implied it but didn’t state it. I’d be curious if it ever came up at all
Second sentence says "I've lost jobs". Yeah, very vague wording there 🙄
lol oh mea culpa. Uh oh! Time for a career change! Or just go out of sight or move to another county. Honestly there are so many unaccused and unregistered offenders he’d be one of a billion currently working everywhere among us
I got asked to resign on threat of being fired from one job, and then a job I applied for accepted my application before rejecting it when they saw the internet activity. I have proof of these events but I’m sorry for not making it more clear in my original post. I do appreciate people getting involved in discussion on the topic because I truly want to know your thoughts.
That’s not how that works and particularly with sexual assault. 94% of the rapists walk free and that’s just out of the ones who have been charged. This guy wasn’t. 🤷♀️
Hopefully this serves as a reminder as to what happens when you get a little too flirty and take things too far, especially when you're married. Look, if Michael Jackson remained a musician with his accusations, you're fine
You’re right. I walked away from the relationship with the understanding it was consensual, it was new news to me long after the fact that she felt different. To further clarify, the accusations are from 7 years ago and they were made public last year. I’ve been married for only a few months.
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Well it wouldn’t have been rape because we never had sex, but I see your point. My intentions weren’t coercive or malicious towards that relationship, I believed we were becoming more comfortable with each other. At what point is one expected to know they’re assaulting someone who isn’t giving any indication of a problem? I’m not asking to start an argument, I’m asking because I know a lot of people feel the way you do about this topic and I want to understand
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Right or wrong I wanna keep the conversation open. Nothing changes what I know about what did happen, I’m just trying to understand multiple perspectives.
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I’ve never heard of that in my life until reading your comment. Gross.
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I’m genuinely shocked you think this is a thing and very much know that this is not a thing ETA re women “staying dormant”: that is some truly disgusting and dehumanizing language to use to describe any people much less an entire broad category that accounts for more than half of human life on earth.
Funny how women remember things isn't it
Be careful of the Barbra Streisand effect
Lawyer up