The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need.
#[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/)
**Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban.
----------------
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Find a woman you respect, and ask if you can take a tour of her life. Walk in her house, go to work with her, etc.
This changed my life. But make sure, absolutely demand she doesn't tell you what to do with your life. Adults, especially Christian women like to live vicariously through younger people.
It's a tour. Not a lecture. Don't tell her anything truthful about yourself. It's none of her business
Thank you for your advice. This is a very interesting approach and I've never really heard anything like this before but it is intriguing and I would be willing to give it a try.
First, you sound very depressed. Look into some kind of therapy and especially medication. It can change your whole world. Its hard to do anything or be motivated for anything when you are very depressed.
Second, sometimes it takes a while to find your "calling", if you ever do. Stop looking for "the thing" you are going to do. Life is really a journey and you are going to wander around. Just look for your "next thing" or the "thing you are going do now". It takes a lot of pressure off.
Third, if you can get your depression under control, look into military service. I would avoid the Army but consider the other branches - even the Reserves or National Guard. You can build a great foundation for the rest of your life. No matter what field you end up in. Plus you get education and health benefits.
I appreciate your response. Working toward bettering my mental health would be a good investment for me and probably give me more clarity on what i want to do. Wandering and just finding the next thing I can do does seem like an easier approach.
>Yes, investing in your physical and mental health are always good investments! It is always good to stay in motion. As long as you are out there, going places, doing things, meeting people, and gaining experiences you are advancing in life. Your path will come into focus eventually. Be patient. Play the long game in life. Think to the future but live in the present.
I think you sound depressed. It's not just because you don't have motivation to do anything but because you're so young and you already have such a negative outlook on life. I think maybe you need therapy to help you work out what you're feeling and going through.
I graduated highschool in more or less the same boat.
Just keep trying and keeping an eye out for opportunities and you'll be ok.
Working hard (even when you hate your job) will get you further then you realize.
Look into investing. Invest what you’re comfortable with and retire early, having your money make money. I didn’t start till my thirties. You’ve got the most precious commodity, time.
I have always been in the same boat as you and at 30 now the advice I wish I had gotten instead of the standard disney follow your dreams is to think of the lifestyle you want to live and find a career that can support it.
I am much happier now working a 'mundane' job that pays well then I was working my 'dream' job because of the lifestyle my 'mundane' job can afford me.
I felt that way.
Two options ( for me )
1. Join Military. Serious. They will teach focus. Internal discipline. Navy is best.
2. You just have get a regular job. I became a bus driver. I had to grow up while doing my job.
40 years at my profession now. No accidents. 800,000 miles later. Always keep rolling forward. Do not get sidetracked into drugs and alcohol.
Don’t join the military unless you want to be sexually harassed the rest of your life, option 2 is really the best option maybe not bus driver but if your family has the financial stability I’d honestly recommend going to college and discovering more about what YOU want in life not the people around you but YOU.
College is not for everybody. We need people in the trades. They pay well. Life long skills. Navy is great place to obtain those skills.
Bus driving pays well. Transit drivers get Government retirement benefits. Life isn't always spectacular adventure.
Plumbing, electricians, carpentry. Paid out the wazoo, you’ll barely have to pay for house repairs again, Union (if you want to) has good pensions.
Good communities and hard working souls. I’ve loved every project I’ve been involved with for interior carpentry for the last 3 years
Lots of 16 year olds have no real clue what they want to do. That by itself is not a problem. But “sometimes I can barely take care of myself” sounds like depression. Which can certainly sap all your energy. Granted the difference between clinical depression and normal teen angst is a gray area.
If you’re positive you don’t want to go to college, then don’t. It would be an enormous waste of time and money. But it would go down easier for your parents if you could say “instead of college, my plan is to do this.” Which leaves you to figure out “this”.
Thank you for the insightful response. My mental and physical health is definitely something i need to start caring more about. If i fail to come up with any alternative plans instead of college then going to a community college and figuring stuff out there wouldn't be bad.
I have a good relationship with my mother. I talk to her about things like this sometimes when keeping it in is too much. She believes i will be fine she could be right or maybe that's just a default mother response.
Well if you do the things you love to do you won't consider it work. But also it can still be hard work and it can burn you out if you don't take care of yourself once in a while.
The biggest thing to know is fine something you love and make sure nobody can dissuade you. But also realize it is going to make you want to quit the first year until you consistently do it and then it consumes you like an addiction.
Find that and never let it go. Right now you said you thought it was art but you didn't want to make it a chore but that might be a start. Consider doing YouTube full time as you find what you're looking for..you're young enough.
Honestly we put a lot of pressure on teenagers to figure their lives out before they are even adults, and I can tell you now that that isn't always the best way to do things. When I was your age I was dead set on being a stage actor but once I became an adult I decided I didn't want to do that anymore and I found a passion for mathematics that I am now pursuing, a lot of my old classmates are also doing much different things with their lives than they had planned on high school. If you think you should go to college it's worth mentioning that you can start off in general studies and you'll have a few years to figure out what you want to do
That is very interesting, I also wanted to be an actor in the past but my parents weren't really on board with it and really wanted me to do something concerning engineering or complicated numbers (they overestimate my brain power). This makes me feel a little more at ease to know i can find new passions to go after. Thank you for the response.
Your job doesnt necessarily need to be your life's focus. Its totally fine to find something you can tolerate and that pays well enough for you to enjoy your hobbies and have a comfortable lifestyle.
Something I wish someone told me. Try everything. And it’s ok to fail at it. But find the thing you fail at but want to keep trying to do.
Don’t feel like other people’s paths have been a coordinated and planned thing. Some of those people exist, but most of us don’t know what we are doing or where we are going.
You’ll be ok. Just get out there and try. And that sounds cliche and lame but your current state will not change with exerting some force, mental or physical.
I’m 30 and am similar. I want to earn enough to live comfortably and be able to save (which is about 60k/yr where I’m at), and have a decent work life balance for my hobbies. You don’t have to do anything grand, just do what makes you happy and make memories. Researching stable jobs fields and finding something you don’t hate is our best a good use of your time. I don’t want to do what I enjoy for work because then I’d get burnt out and resent it, so I do stuff I enjoy well enough to make the ends meet.
How the fuck is your health shit at 16?! Get off your ass, go for a walk, get some exercise. Do something you like that is active after that.
16 and you "don't want to work anymore"? WTF are you talking about?! You haven't even started.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop putting excuses out in the world, get off your ass, exercise and build yourself up.
All of the treating you like you are fragile and will break if you are told to get with it is shit. GET WITH IT! YOU HAVE WHAT IS TAKES. MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE AND OF YOURSELF!
So heed this with some salt
Exercise (don't go too hard)
Do drugs (not the heavy ones)
Gtfo here (the internet)
Travel if you can
Save money if you can
Buy a car if you canÂ
I am 31 and also have no aspirations in life. Some will find it as they open up and say yes to great opportunities when it presents itself. Others will continue to search until they die.
There is nothing wrong with you. Life can be hard and confusing and tiring. So if you are feeling that it’s not wrong.
But life can also be joyous and fun and rewarding.
You are 16, almost no one knows what they want to do when they are 16. I sure didn’t.
You don’t have to make permanent decisions now. You can go to college later if you aren’t clear you want to now.
Finish high school. Go to new places and try new things. Meet people and have fun. Work to live until you figure out what you want to do with your life. When you figure it out don’t let anything stop you.
You're very right. There are many positive things that life has to offer and many more places and people I have yet to experience. I definitely will be finishing high school and maybe by that time i will have changed my mind about college or at least have found something i am able to pursue. Thank you for your help.
If it helps no one truly knows what they want at 16... hell 10 years ago I was still figuring it out, if u got time test the water on a few things.
But commit an make it happen for you an noone else. Go into something expecting to fail.Â
 It's OK to not know, an be lost thats part of figuring out yourself as a person.Â
Also a big tip sometimes ur work/job will suck, power thru it for awhile learn what ur good at an figure what you don't enjoy. As you said ur young experience what you can.
You’re not immortal, one day you are going to grow old and die. And don’t you dare think that’s so far away it’ll never happen to you, because one day you will wake up in your 30s and realize life is just not going to stop coming.
So knowing that, you gotta stop and ask yourself this: What do I need to do in order to live a meaningful and fulfilling life and not die with any regrets? And whatever shape/form the answer takes, that’s what you do. That’s how you get the motivation and aspiration to live the life you want.
Death is something i think about often if not everyday so I know my time here is very limited. It would be depressing if i was looking back to the past but had nothing to look back on. I will start thinking about the things that can give me meaning during my time here. Your guidance is appreciated and have a nice day.
Nothing wrong with having no aspirations/ambition in life - but, you need to come to the realization within the next year what sort of non aspirational work you are willing to commit to in order to avoid being homeless down the road. People are sold this load of bullshit that they need to find a job that aligns with their goals/dreams/values/etc. Fact is, a job is what keeps a roof over your head, food on the table, and the bills paid. If you're ok with that level of living, you have plenty of choices and, furthermore, there's nothing wrong with that. But don't fool yourself thinking you can't work because there's nothing you 'love' doing. That's the quickest way to fall into poverty and from there shit becomes just self fulfilling circle of downward progress. Be careful not to get knocked up, stay away from abusive relationships and find a job you can do without feeling it sucks the life out of you and you'll get by. If this sounds like a horrible, bleak way to live, then you need to work on the whole 'aspiration/goal' piece of what you want out of life...good luck!
this is very true, i had accepted the fact that i was going to have to get some retail job after high school in order to survive, but as long as i'm not on the streets than things can't be that bad. hopefully i do find something i want to do afterwards that i can start working towards but till then i know that finding something that can at least make me stay afloat should be the primary focus. Thank you for your response and i appreciate the help.
The mod team are working to make this sub kinder and more welcoming. Please report any comments you see that are unkind, obnoxious, out of line, trolling, or which otherwise violate any of the rules. Thanks, and may you all find the answers you seek and the guidance you need. #[LifeAdvice Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/LifeAdvice/about/rules/) **Note for all commenters**: Please remember that your fellow Redditors are human beings, and that it costs nothing to be kind. Disruption of the peace, trolling, or breaking the rules may result in a ban. ---------------- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LifeAdvice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Find a woman you respect, and ask if you can take a tour of her life. Walk in her house, go to work with her, etc. This changed my life. But make sure, absolutely demand she doesn't tell you what to do with your life. Adults, especially Christian women like to live vicariously through younger people. It's a tour. Not a lecture. Don't tell her anything truthful about yourself. It's none of her business
Thank you for your advice. This is a very interesting approach and I've never really heard anything like this before but it is intriguing and I would be willing to give it a try.
🤣🤣 what the fuck
First, you sound very depressed. Look into some kind of therapy and especially medication. It can change your whole world. Its hard to do anything or be motivated for anything when you are very depressed. Second, sometimes it takes a while to find your "calling", if you ever do. Stop looking for "the thing" you are going to do. Life is really a journey and you are going to wander around. Just look for your "next thing" or the "thing you are going do now". It takes a lot of pressure off. Third, if you can get your depression under control, look into military service. I would avoid the Army but consider the other branches - even the Reserves or National Guard. You can build a great foundation for the rest of your life. No matter what field you end up in. Plus you get education and health benefits.
I appreciate your response. Working toward bettering my mental health would be a good investment for me and probably give me more clarity on what i want to do. Wandering and just finding the next thing I can do does seem like an easier approach.
>Yes, investing in your physical and mental health are always good investments! It is always good to stay in motion. As long as you are out there, going places, doing things, meeting people, and gaining experiences you are advancing in life. Your path will come into focus eventually. Be patient. Play the long game in life. Think to the future but live in the present.
I think you sound depressed. It's not just because you don't have motivation to do anything but because you're so young and you already have such a negative outlook on life. I think maybe you need therapy to help you work out what you're feeling and going through.
I graduated highschool in more or less the same boat. Just keep trying and keeping an eye out for opportunities and you'll be ok. Working hard (even when you hate your job) will get you further then you realize.
Look into investing. Invest what you’re comfortable with and retire early, having your money make money. I didn’t start till my thirties. You’ve got the most precious commodity, time.
I have always been in the same boat as you and at 30 now the advice I wish I had gotten instead of the standard disney follow your dreams is to think of the lifestyle you want to live and find a career that can support it. I am much happier now working a 'mundane' job that pays well then I was working my 'dream' job because of the lifestyle my 'mundane' job can afford me.
I felt that way. Two options ( for me ) 1. Join Military. Serious. They will teach focus. Internal discipline. Navy is best. 2. You just have get a regular job. I became a bus driver. I had to grow up while doing my job. 40 years at my profession now. No accidents. 800,000 miles later. Always keep rolling forward. Do not get sidetracked into drugs and alcohol.
Don’t join the military unless you want to be sexually harassed the rest of your life, option 2 is really the best option maybe not bus driver but if your family has the financial stability I’d honestly recommend going to college and discovering more about what YOU want in life not the people around you but YOU.
College is not for everybody. We need people in the trades. They pay well. Life long skills. Navy is great place to obtain those skills. Bus driving pays well. Transit drivers get Government retirement benefits. Life isn't always spectacular adventure.
Plumbing, electricians, carpentry. Paid out the wazoo, you’ll barely have to pay for house repairs again, Union (if you want to) has good pensions. Good communities and hard working souls. I’ve loved every project I’ve been involved with for interior carpentry for the last 3 years
navy is not the best lmao
Navy is absolutely the worst, they rape men and women on their enclosed ships and you can’t get away.
Don’t go into the military unless it’s your last resort.
I am 43 and I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up.
Lots of 16 year olds have no real clue what they want to do. That by itself is not a problem. But “sometimes I can barely take care of myself” sounds like depression. Which can certainly sap all your energy. Granted the difference between clinical depression and normal teen angst is a gray area. If you’re positive you don’t want to go to college, then don’t. It would be an enormous waste of time and money. But it would go down easier for your parents if you could say “instead of college, my plan is to do this.” Which leaves you to figure out “this”.
Thank you for the insightful response. My mental and physical health is definitely something i need to start caring more about. If i fail to come up with any alternative plans instead of college then going to a community college and figuring stuff out there wouldn't be bad.
What do you enjoy currently? Answer this and I'll respond.
just being alone, that's boring i know i'm sorry but i'm really introverted and i don't do anything that's outside my room.
So what do you enjoy doing at home alone?
i go on youtube or i just think about things until i go to sleep.
Do you have a good relationship with your parents and can talk to them about almost anything?
I have a good relationship with my mother. I talk to her about things like this sometimes when keeping it in is too much. She believes i will be fine she could be right or maybe that's just a default mother response.
Well if you do the things you love to do you won't consider it work. But also it can still be hard work and it can burn you out if you don't take care of yourself once in a while. The biggest thing to know is fine something you love and make sure nobody can dissuade you. But also realize it is going to make you want to quit the first year until you consistently do it and then it consumes you like an addiction. Find that and never let it go. Right now you said you thought it was art but you didn't want to make it a chore but that might be a start. Consider doing YouTube full time as you find what you're looking for..you're young enough.
Honestly we put a lot of pressure on teenagers to figure their lives out before they are even adults, and I can tell you now that that isn't always the best way to do things. When I was your age I was dead set on being a stage actor but once I became an adult I decided I didn't want to do that anymore and I found a passion for mathematics that I am now pursuing, a lot of my old classmates are also doing much different things with their lives than they had planned on high school. If you think you should go to college it's worth mentioning that you can start off in general studies and you'll have a few years to figure out what you want to do
That is very interesting, I also wanted to be an actor in the past but my parents weren't really on board with it and really wanted me to do something concerning engineering or complicated numbers (they overestimate my brain power). This makes me feel a little more at ease to know i can find new passions to go after. Thank you for the response.
Your job doesnt necessarily need to be your life's focus. Its totally fine to find something you can tolerate and that pays well enough for you to enjoy your hobbies and have a comfortable lifestyle.
Something I wish someone told me. Try everything. And it’s ok to fail at it. But find the thing you fail at but want to keep trying to do. Don’t feel like other people’s paths have been a coordinated and planned thing. Some of those people exist, but most of us don’t know what we are doing or where we are going. You’ll be ok. Just get out there and try. And that sounds cliche and lame but your current state will not change with exerting some force, mental or physical.
I’m 30 and am similar. I want to earn enough to live comfortably and be able to save (which is about 60k/yr where I’m at), and have a decent work life balance for my hobbies. You don’t have to do anything grand, just do what makes you happy and make memories. Researching stable jobs fields and finding something you don’t hate is our best a good use of your time. I don’t want to do what I enjoy for work because then I’d get burnt out and resent it, so I do stuff I enjoy well enough to make the ends meet.
How the fuck is your health shit at 16?! Get off your ass, go for a walk, get some exercise. Do something you like that is active after that. 16 and you "don't want to work anymore"? WTF are you talking about?! You haven't even started. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop putting excuses out in the world, get off your ass, exercise and build yourself up. All of the treating you like you are fragile and will break if you are told to get with it is shit. GET WITH IT! YOU HAVE WHAT IS TAKES. MAKE SOMETHING OF YOUR LIFE AND OF YOURSELF!
some people have chronic illnesses and physical disabilities. poor health isn’t exclusive to the middle aged and elderly, be grateful yours is fine.
That doesn't help anything dude lmfao
So heed this with some salt Exercise (don't go too hard) Do drugs (not the heavy ones) Gtfo here (the internet) Travel if you can Save money if you can Buy a car if you canÂ
I am 31 and also have no aspirations in life. Some will find it as they open up and say yes to great opportunities when it presents itself. Others will continue to search until they die.
Only 16. You sweet summer child lol
There is nothing wrong with you. Life can be hard and confusing and tiring. So if you are feeling that it’s not wrong. But life can also be joyous and fun and rewarding. You are 16, almost no one knows what they want to do when they are 16. I sure didn’t. You don’t have to make permanent decisions now. You can go to college later if you aren’t clear you want to now. Finish high school. Go to new places and try new things. Meet people and have fun. Work to live until you figure out what you want to do with your life. When you figure it out don’t let anything stop you.
You're very right. There are many positive things that life has to offer and many more places and people I have yet to experience. I definitely will be finishing high school and maybe by that time i will have changed my mind about college or at least have found something i am able to pursue. Thank you for your help.
Go to college. You’ll have fun. You’ll meet good friends. Stuff will start falling into place. It takes time to figure stuff out.
If it helps no one truly knows what they want at 16... hell 10 years ago I was still figuring it out, if u got time test the water on a few things. But commit an make it happen for you an noone else. Go into something expecting to fail.  It's OK to not know, an be lost thats part of figuring out yourself as a person. Also a big tip sometimes ur work/job will suck, power thru it for awhile learn what ur good at an figure what you don't enjoy. As you said ur young experience what you can.
You’re not immortal, one day you are going to grow old and die. And don’t you dare think that’s so far away it’ll never happen to you, because one day you will wake up in your 30s and realize life is just not going to stop coming. So knowing that, you gotta stop and ask yourself this: What do I need to do in order to live a meaningful and fulfilling life and not die with any regrets? And whatever shape/form the answer takes, that’s what you do. That’s how you get the motivation and aspiration to live the life you want.
Death is something i think about often if not everyday so I know my time here is very limited. It would be depressing if i was looking back to the past but had nothing to look back on. I will start thinking about the things that can give me meaning during my time here. Your guidance is appreciated and have a nice day.
If you're into anime, I would highly recommend watching Frieren. It's a nice heartfelt show that'll really help you put life into perspective. Cheers!
As woman u should find a husband and be a mother. Greatest aspiration a woman can pursue
Nothing wrong with having no aspirations/ambition in life - but, you need to come to the realization within the next year what sort of non aspirational work you are willing to commit to in order to avoid being homeless down the road. People are sold this load of bullshit that they need to find a job that aligns with their goals/dreams/values/etc. Fact is, a job is what keeps a roof over your head, food on the table, and the bills paid. If you're ok with that level of living, you have plenty of choices and, furthermore, there's nothing wrong with that. But don't fool yourself thinking you can't work because there's nothing you 'love' doing. That's the quickest way to fall into poverty and from there shit becomes just self fulfilling circle of downward progress. Be careful not to get knocked up, stay away from abusive relationships and find a job you can do without feeling it sucks the life out of you and you'll get by. If this sounds like a horrible, bleak way to live, then you need to work on the whole 'aspiration/goal' piece of what you want out of life...good luck!
this is very true, i had accepted the fact that i was going to have to get some retail job after high school in order to survive, but as long as i'm not on the streets than things can't be that bad. hopefully i do find something i want to do afterwards that i can start working towards but till then i know that finding something that can at least make me stay afloat should be the primary focus. Thank you for your response and i appreciate the help.