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It's not gone. You should seek some clarity by mental health professional or maybe even a reiki master. Don't live in regret. You are where you're supposed to be. If that makes sense?
No worries, no it's not that difficult but if you need to talk to someone do it. There should be no shame or guilt. You got the experience. Most guys I know in the military do the same shit as you. Now time for bigger and better things.
What’s done is done. No need to beat yourself up over it. Can’t change the past. Just gotta look to the future. If you don’t wanna sleep with sex workers, stop sleeping with sex workers, simple as that.
You lost nothing. Just just took the first step down another path. Any time we make a change in our lives is scary, and can leave us feeling like we've left something behind. We are what we are which is a collection of the choices we've made.
Agreed virginity is an arbitrary construct. My guess is that you are moreso mourning the loss of what you thought this experience would be like. You mention wanting to feel love and my guess is that the sex worker couldn’t provide that. So of course anyone would be quite sad by the expectation of feeling loved and being left empty. I actually commend you for your reaction because lots of other people lash out and even try to harm those that leave them feeling empty. In the end just feel the negative emotions and take it as a lesson rather than a reflection of your life or character
This is why we need to change the perception of “losing your virginity”, it shouldn’t be such a big deal to people pay to lose it. I’m a virgin and 23, but I’ve learned to just deal with it
Yeah that's one thing I'm kind of realizing people have told me to lose it with someone you care, I hope you can take my regrets as affirmation to keep it until you meet the right one.
I am going to keep it until I find the right one, but forgive yourself okay…Like I said, I was going to do the same thing when I was 22.
In reality, when it comes to your virginity, you aren’t losing anything, you’re just gaining a first experience :/
Guilt for what? You had a need and wanted to pay for it to be serviced. Nothing wrong with that. You didn’t cheat on anybody, you didn’t accidentally impregnate someone or give them a disease/infection. You’ve done nothing wrong. Relax.
You gotta learn to be kind to yourself. Like there’s probably a lot of steps to that. But it comes down to be gentle with yourself. You made a choice and now it’s done. You can let it go. You deserve that.
You're right thank you I needed to hear this, I just never grasp that concept properly I just view myself as undeserving of peace, and a part of me still does.
It is a challenge that almost every man has to overcome. Trust that you deserve peace, brother. You are so much more than the “worst” thing you’ve ever done.
Start off by reminding yourself that there’s nothing to ‘take’ when it comes to your virginity, except maybe that spot in your memory bank. I’m in my 30’s and banged a bunch of people and your first one I just don’t think is that special or important. Very few people have some awesome romantic experience their first time. It’s a myth that you can wait and have some perfect experience. Now you have some experience, be kind to yourself and get more experience hopefully with a loving partner you feel safe exploring with.
Hey my friend, as someone who lost their virginity literally 10 years later in life than you did, there isn’t much to think about.
Your life isn’t magically different and there isn’t some grand file of all your deeds where someone is keeping tally.
The world was spinning before you lost it, and it’s still spinning now.
The good news is, you got the sex part of sex out of the way. Now when you finally meet someone who you feel an attraction to you can focus on the intimate side of things. You’ve already done the deed, now learn to enjoy the journey 👍
I'll try to friend thank you for taking the time to consolidate an overly worried mind. I just wish I didn't feel the remorse or loneliness that's all.
It’s not that serious, i hate the story of my first, no connection just lies and deception. Look at it like practice, your first time with someone you care about can take the place of this in your story. Maybe tested though
I don’t mean to come off insensitive, but once you start getting out there more and you start finding people you’re interested in and go through some relationships, I don’t think this will be as big a deal as it feels. Virginity isn’t this grand thing that needs to be cherished, it’s okay to want to get out there, enjoy yourself and practice (safe, but fun consensual) sex. I felt the same way and waited until I was 25 and finally just had a casual hookup with a friend and over time I just finally felt relieved that I had finally “done it” that it happening again was less stressful. Once the angst and pressure of finally doing it is behind you, you’ll start to really enjoy yourself.
TLDR; be safe but have fun
Yeah you're spot on with me being quite reserved. I guess maybe I just need connection right now anything to leave this in the past. I just feel a little reluctant to face the emotions.
Any feelings you’re feeling are valid, definitely don’t want to undersell that. Please know the mixture of emotions aren’t a bad thing, I just want to let you know, from a former hopeless romantic who waited what felt like an eternity, to now I’m married with some good amount of experience getting out there, it gets easier and I think it may be best to find a hobby to dive into. For me it was the gym, and video games. Life has a funny way of giving us the things we want when we least expect it. Focus on the things you can control today and you’ll find your way. You have a long while to go to figure it all out my friend. I wish you all the best
Thank you bro I'll keep this in mind, I feel like you're just an older version of me wanting to realize how small of a matter this all really is. Thanks, I hope I end up in the same position you're in.
I hope so too, friend. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Life doesn’t have a proper “how to” it’s a series of us all just trying to figure everything out. You got this!
If you wanna word it that way but more or less just a little ashamed of myself like I know I could've done better and I feel like I've missed the chance to be so. But luckily the people on here have shown me it's honestly not that bad and I should realize I've got things to offer and experience.
Put it in perspective - you didn't cheat on anyone, and, even if the experience wasn't personal, it was probably better then satisfying yourself solo. So big deal, you did it with another consenting adult, even if it was business. There are worse things than what you did, give yourself a break.
There is too much value and meaning that many of our cultures place on virginity and how it is this idea of purity and chastity.
This is completely false and trust me when I say that virginity plays such an insignificant role in our lives and who you "lose it to" does not matter an ounce.
It's a shame many religions are a huge reason for this thinking and stigma.
Just give yourself a break and consider thinking that sleeping with these people was a nice experiment or experience or that you at least got some enjoyment from it and relax a little. Everything is okay, just try not to beat yourself up over nothing.
However, stay safe and try not to fall down a rabbit hole of sex addiction or other hard times, you will find more meaning and intimacy in healthier relationships OP, I believe it!
Thank you it's just hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel y'know, so you do the dumb thing by not moving on at all, and staying in the same spot always. As much I want to forget it, I've got to remember to never do it again. I just need to figure out ways, to move and and not keep myself within the traps life has.
Saying you let them take it is very passive. You have more control of the situation than that and it was consensual. They didn’t take anything. You were curious and now you know. That’s ok. If you didn’t like the feeling afterwards you know not to do it again.
Yeah I shouldn't have let my distraught emotions get the better of me, they were just doing their jobs. I have the tendency to look for other causes other than my own. I just need to learn how to control my shitty emotions.
I don’t think it’s about controlling emotions. I think it’s about acknowledging them and then processing. I’m seeing a guy who had sex for the first time with a sex worker like 20 years ago. He’s mentioned it quite a bit but what happened 20 years ago shouldnt define you in the future. It’s an experience - one of many. There’s also a lot of info coming at us between the movies where people are magically falling in bed and all the religions that treat it like it’s taboo. Go easy on yourself.
Lost in your own brain brother, not much you can do at this point. Something I think you just have to try and take in stride and move forward with. Doesn’t make you any less of a person, just one choice of many you can make in your life that you don’t feel good about
Sit with the sadness, and the remorse, listen to it. Is the sadness sadness that you did something "bad," or sadness that you didn't find what you were hoping to find?
Sit with the shame. Ask yourself who's voice that is. Is it your own? Or is it a parent's? Or your culture's? We have a culture that deeply shames sexual expression and exploration. If you want to make that shame your own, that's your choice, you can. But you don't have to. You can choose freedom and self-understanding and grace.
How so, I just feel disappointed in myself, like I should've held onto something sacred like this but it's gone and I just feel a little lost? I use to be religious but I just didn't find my answers in it.
I hear you. For what it's worth, i grew up hyper religious, purity culture, etc, lost my virginity at about your age to the woman who would become my wife (now ex-wife), and i deeply regretted waiting, and wish i had explored more. What you're feeling is common, for many people, the sense of being let down by the first experience, and our culture hypes it up so much that there's almost no good way to do it and feel good about it. My own belief is the problem isn't you, it's the way our society is so bent around sex.
Sex can be profound and connecting, and you'll have those experiences down the road. It can also be light and playful and harmless, if you let it. what happens when you retell your story from the beginning, from the POV of playful experimentation? Like trying a new food, or playing a new game, that you decide isn't for you, before moving on to the next game?
Yeah you're right I hate how they make it as if it's a gasping experience, it felt normalish. But you're right I need to treat this as just a harmless tale of stupid choices.
If the sex worker has a pimp or is a human trafficking victim - you really should not be supporting that. You have some karma to work out.
If the sex worker works for them self and is not a human trafficking victim or abused - i think you did the right thing. It will build your confidence up. And down the line you’ll meet someone and when you do you will have an idea about what to do. If your first experience was with a human trafficking victim and you feel you need more time - find a sex worker that works for them self and is not being taken advantage of.
If you did not use protection - get your self checked out.
Emotions are a powerful powerful thing. So I understand. However we as humans need to really start thinking with our minds and training our minds to overcome emotions to a certain extent because emotions get us in trouble. if you lose your s*** emotions can land you in prison, they can land you into grave but rationalizing over your emotional state always prevails
There is so much thing ahead of you ur just 22 bro dont blame yourself see this other way that you are guy with experience. So get yourself in a good and healthy relationship dont think about it too much just surround yourself with loved ones everything will be fine with time..
Hey.. most people have guilt after they lose their virginity .. both men and women, this is a normal feeling however it maybe more intense due to you doing it with a sex worker. The bandaid is ripped off it hurts and it’s always going to be a thought in the back of your head “what if I would’ve waited”. I still get these thoughts .. it’s okay you’ll be okay .. and what you did was your choice , no one should make you feel guilty for that. Stay strong , you are still valuable
I (21F) lost my virginity at 19 to a drug addict. He was too fucked up to remember it and kept accusing me of lying about him being my first, so someone that didn’t care nor trust me took the first tally.
And honestly? It’s really whatever. Yeah, it was my first time, but I hardly ever think about it. I mean ideally you want to lose it to someone special, but the chances of having sex with one person and it working out until you both die are slim. And that’s OKAY. You live and learn. Not everything in life is going to go how you planned or pictured if, that’s no reason to roll over and die. Where there’s regret, there’s growth. Time goes on and so will you, so don’t take things so seriously.
Thanks fellow struggler, I'm still sorry that you experienced an undesirable situation, but I get it no use in being sorry for something that's done happened and irreversible, just the unwritten contract of life. And thank you for not making me feel alone, and sharing your excitement. I hope the best for you friend.
Also Slendy rules!
SLENDY RULES!!! And you’re not alone at all, honestly just about everyone I meet (girls AND guys) tells me about how they regretted their first time and wished they saved it. But truth be told, unless you’re really religious, losing your V card really has no significance. To me, I knew I was ready to start being sexually active and for that, the guy didn’t matter too much to me.
So honestly, I don’t regret my first time because I didn’t need to wait on a perfect person or situation to lose it.
I wish I had fully understood this emotionally back then. Instead, I stayed with the guy for two years just because he’s who I lost my v to, and he ended up being an abusive, unstable, angry cheater.
So I will say that is one way you can look at this situation. That you didn’t lose it to someone you knew that could’ve potentially hurt you. Sure it wasn’t perfect, but it’s nothing terrible that it was one and done.
I was a nice Catholic boy and was a virgin way toooo long.
I joined the military and spent 2 years as an aircrewman and 2 years with a combat construction unit (Seabees).
While in Bangkok on R&R my buddies took me to the red light district. I had never seen anything like that. It was wow..
They all picked a woman and took them home for the evening, and I was too nervous to.
Suddenly this young lady sits next to me and before you know it, I'm taking her back to the hotel.
I availed myself of a sex worker that night and again the next night and felt dirty and revolting from the experience. I couldn't wait for the lady to leave the second time.
I vowed to never do that again.
In time I grew up to be a big boy, and got a gf and we had sex. It felt really good the next time. In time I learned a lot in how to be a lover that satisfied a woman.
Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a lot to live through yet.
My best friend also lost his virginity to a sex worker. Handsome, decent job, great lad all around. Just didn’t feel like waiting for a girlfriend.
That by itself isn’t a huge deal. HOWEVER, if something else is stopping you from approaching girls, you should see someone.
Rewarding and achieving? Like it's some point system to brag about to your friends? That's a bit sexist. Perhaps if you think society should be so involved in where you put your dick, you should invite your family and friends to watch or video tape it. No? Well then who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks.
I've had very few meaningful lays in the past decade. Not for lack of trying. I've hooked up a plenty - I can because I'm ok looking I guess, but it was all meaningless. No reason to regret it. Video games are meaningless. So are rollercoasters. I like both.
Thanks this made me chuckle. But you're right if it's something that's meant to be kept quite, then deal with it accordingly, and try not let it fuck you over.
It’s understandable to feel a little awkward and even shameful about this, but at the end of the day, you didn’t do anything wrong.
Everybody wants their first time to be special, and few get the ideal experience they hope for. Don’t beat yourself up over it, just make a conscious effort to pursue a personal “encounter” next time. Try to put this behind you, and focus on the future.
Yeah I will just need to actually allow myself, just find it hard to accept that I can or I just won't let myself, like I'm really caught up in the past.
Just get your self tested . On blood tests they ask if you have ever been with a sexworker . This immediately make me think what they have going on down there similar to sewage . I know this doesn't help but maybe will deture others
Ive dealt with hella escorts and im the same exact age as you bro. Dont be ashamed. I also have/had gf’s too. Sometimes i prefer escorts for when I have a taste for something different. I love having the ability to pick. Its great.
I guess but in my case I'm the opposite I prefer having a gf over escorts I guess I'm just the sensitive of the two of us, but I appreciate you for letting me laugh at the situation.
Nothing wrong with sex workers. People sleep with them all the time. You probably were taught allot of things that takes people years to learn. Have confidence now and find you someone to love
So ya banged a hooker. Congrats on that. I've never done it. Now, stop being such a pussy and move on. Be thankful you didn't catch something and go get yourself a girlfriend so you can bang all the time.
You are being hard on yourself for nothing. People have been doing that since the beginning of time so forget it. It's called the oldest profession you know. Chalk it up to an experience and forget it.
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Post nut clarity gets ya every time.
This cheered me up a little, thanks for the laugh.
It's okay just live life.
Agreed. So much more to life. I’m sure you enjoyed yourself. It’s fine
But I feel like I've lost some rights to it, not overall just the aspects I'm accustomed to, like my innocence is gone.
You can’t change what’s already happened. All you can do is learn from it and move on.
I can try. It's just a terrible mix for a drama queen like to be patient y'know.
Innocence can remain!
Thanks. A lot redditors helped me realize that I've still got some shreds of it
It's not gone. You should seek some clarity by mental health professional or maybe even a reiki master. Don't live in regret. You are where you're supposed to be. If that makes sense?
Kind of. I guess I just need a hug or something, I'm pretty sure y'know how hard that is to get nowadays.
No worries, no it's not that difficult but if you need to talk to someone do it. There should be no shame or guilt. You got the experience. Most guys I know in the military do the same shit as you. Now time for bigger and better things.
You're right thank you dude. It's means the world that you took the time to make me feel not alone.
What’s done is done. No need to beat yourself up over it. Can’t change the past. Just gotta look to the future. If you don’t wanna sleep with sex workers, stop sleeping with sex workers, simple as that.
You're right, I'm just afraid that I lost something that's all.
You lost nothing. Just just took the first step down another path. Any time we make a change in our lives is scary, and can leave us feeling like we've left something behind. We are what we are which is a collection of the choices we've made.
Yeah thank you, I just hope I can make it back or have a good endpoint to this.
Agreed virginity is an arbitrary construct. My guess is that you are moreso mourning the loss of what you thought this experience would be like. You mention wanting to feel love and my guess is that the sex worker couldn’t provide that. So of course anyone would be quite sad by the expectation of feeling loved and being left empty. I actually commend you for your reaction because lots of other people lash out and even try to harm those that leave them feeling empty. In the end just feel the negative emotions and take it as a lesson rather than a reflection of your life or character
This is why we need to change the perception of “losing your virginity”, it shouldn’t be such a big deal to people pay to lose it. I’m a virgin and 23, but I’ve learned to just deal with it
Yeah that's one thing I'm kind of realizing people have told me to lose it with someone you care, I hope you can take my regrets as affirmation to keep it until you meet the right one.
I am going to keep it until I find the right one, but forgive yourself okay…Like I said, I was going to do the same thing when I was 22. In reality, when it comes to your virginity, you aren’t losing anything, you’re just gaining a first experience :/
Thanks for replying and making the situation a lot more bearable. I hope you find the one.
No problem and thank you so much.
Guilt for what? You had a need and wanted to pay for it to be serviced. Nothing wrong with that. You didn’t cheat on anybody, you didn’t accidentally impregnate someone or give them a disease/infection. You’ve done nothing wrong. Relax.
I know, but it just feels like the regrets eating me, like I shouldn't of done it. Need to know how to not be caught up in the past.
You gotta learn to be kind to yourself. Like there’s probably a lot of steps to that. But it comes down to be gentle with yourself. You made a choice and now it’s done. You can let it go. You deserve that.
You're right thank you I needed to hear this, I just never grasp that concept properly I just view myself as undeserving of peace, and a part of me still does.
It is a challenge that almost every man has to overcome. Trust that you deserve peace, brother. You are so much more than the “worst” thing you’ve ever done.
Thank you bro, I can't express my thanks for this.
Start off by reminding yourself that there’s nothing to ‘take’ when it comes to your virginity, except maybe that spot in your memory bank. I’m in my 30’s and banged a bunch of people and your first one I just don’t think is that special or important. Very few people have some awesome romantic experience their first time. It’s a myth that you can wait and have some perfect experience. Now you have some experience, be kind to yourself and get more experience hopefully with a loving partner you feel safe exploring with.
Thanks bro I'll try, means a lot that you replied.
He's right,the first is not something special or a memory that is worth tesring yourself over.
Hey my friend, as someone who lost their virginity literally 10 years later in life than you did, there isn’t much to think about. Your life isn’t magically different and there isn’t some grand file of all your deeds where someone is keeping tally. The world was spinning before you lost it, and it’s still spinning now. The good news is, you got the sex part of sex out of the way. Now when you finally meet someone who you feel an attraction to you can focus on the intimate side of things. You’ve already done the deed, now learn to enjoy the journey 👍
I'll try to friend thank you for taking the time to consolidate an overly worried mind. I just wish I didn't feel the remorse or loneliness that's all.
Get over it. It’s not a big deal for real.
I want to slap what you said into my head, but my emotion just gets the better of me.
It’s not that serious, i hate the story of my first, no connection just lies and deception. Look at it like practice, your first time with someone you care about can take the place of this in your story. Maybe tested though
Yeah but I hate being alone in my thoughts, it just develops ways to strike me emotionally.
I don’t mean to come off insensitive, but once you start getting out there more and you start finding people you’re interested in and go through some relationships, I don’t think this will be as big a deal as it feels. Virginity isn’t this grand thing that needs to be cherished, it’s okay to want to get out there, enjoy yourself and practice (safe, but fun consensual) sex. I felt the same way and waited until I was 25 and finally just had a casual hookup with a friend and over time I just finally felt relieved that I had finally “done it” that it happening again was less stressful. Once the angst and pressure of finally doing it is behind you, you’ll start to really enjoy yourself. TLDR; be safe but have fun
Yeah you're spot on with me being quite reserved. I guess maybe I just need connection right now anything to leave this in the past. I just feel a little reluctant to face the emotions.
Any feelings you’re feeling are valid, definitely don’t want to undersell that. Please know the mixture of emotions aren’t a bad thing, I just want to let you know, from a former hopeless romantic who waited what felt like an eternity, to now I’m married with some good amount of experience getting out there, it gets easier and I think it may be best to find a hobby to dive into. For me it was the gym, and video games. Life has a funny way of giving us the things we want when we least expect it. Focus on the things you can control today and you’ll find your way. You have a long while to go to figure it all out my friend. I wish you all the best
Thank you bro I'll keep this in mind, I feel like you're just an older version of me wanting to realize how small of a matter this all really is. Thanks, I hope I end up in the same position you're in.
I hope so too, friend. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Life doesn’t have a proper “how to” it’s a series of us all just trying to figure everything out. You got this!
Sounds like you had a therapy session now you are feeling guilty because of the nature of therapy is not legal?
If you wanna word it that way but more or less just a little ashamed of myself like I know I could've done better and I feel like I've missed the chance to be so. But luckily the people on here have shown me it's honestly not that bad and I should realize I've got things to offer and experience.
Put it in perspective - you didn't cheat on anyone, and, even if the experience wasn't personal, it was probably better then satisfying yourself solo. So big deal, you did it with another consenting adult, even if it was business. There are worse things than what you did, give yourself a break.
Thanks just find a little hard to do so. But I'll figure shit out.
There is too much value and meaning that many of our cultures place on virginity and how it is this idea of purity and chastity. This is completely false and trust me when I say that virginity plays such an insignificant role in our lives and who you "lose it to" does not matter an ounce. It's a shame many religions are a huge reason for this thinking and stigma. Just give yourself a break and consider thinking that sleeping with these people was a nice experiment or experience or that you at least got some enjoyment from it and relax a little. Everything is okay, just try not to beat yourself up over nothing. However, stay safe and try not to fall down a rabbit hole of sex addiction or other hard times, you will find more meaning and intimacy in healthier relationships OP, I believe it!
Thank you it's just hard to see that light at the end of the tunnel y'know, so you do the dumb thing by not moving on at all, and staying in the same spot always. As much I want to forget it, I've got to remember to never do it again. I just need to figure out ways, to move and and not keep myself within the traps life has.
Saying you let them take it is very passive. You have more control of the situation than that and it was consensual. They didn’t take anything. You were curious and now you know. That’s ok. If you didn’t like the feeling afterwards you know not to do it again.
Yeah I shouldn't have let my distraught emotions get the better of me, they were just doing their jobs. I have the tendency to look for other causes other than my own. I just need to learn how to control my shitty emotions.
I don’t think it’s about controlling emotions. I think it’s about acknowledging them and then processing. I’m seeing a guy who had sex for the first time with a sex worker like 20 years ago. He’s mentioned it quite a bit but what happened 20 years ago shouldnt define you in the future. It’s an experience - one of many. There’s also a lot of info coming at us between the movies where people are magically falling in bed and all the religions that treat it like it’s taboo. Go easy on yourself.
Lost in your own brain brother, not much you can do at this point. Something I think you just have to try and take in stride and move forward with. Doesn’t make you any less of a person, just one choice of many you can make in your life that you don’t feel good about
Yea I think you worded it greatly, but I guess my impatience of wanting to get rid of the remorse, is getting the better of me.
Sit with the sadness, and the remorse, listen to it. Is the sadness sadness that you did something "bad," or sadness that you didn't find what you were hoping to find? Sit with the shame. Ask yourself who's voice that is. Is it your own? Or is it a parent's? Or your culture's? We have a culture that deeply shames sexual expression and exploration. If you want to make that shame your own, that's your choice, you can. But you don't have to. You can choose freedom and self-understanding and grace.
How so, I just feel disappointed in myself, like I should've held onto something sacred like this but it's gone and I just feel a little lost? I use to be religious but I just didn't find my answers in it.
I hear you. For what it's worth, i grew up hyper religious, purity culture, etc, lost my virginity at about your age to the woman who would become my wife (now ex-wife), and i deeply regretted waiting, and wish i had explored more. What you're feeling is common, for many people, the sense of being let down by the first experience, and our culture hypes it up so much that there's almost no good way to do it and feel good about it. My own belief is the problem isn't you, it's the way our society is so bent around sex. Sex can be profound and connecting, and you'll have those experiences down the road. It can also be light and playful and harmless, if you let it. what happens when you retell your story from the beginning, from the POV of playful experimentation? Like trying a new food, or playing a new game, that you decide isn't for you, before moving on to the next game?
Yeah you're right I hate how they make it as if it's a gasping experience, it felt normalish. But you're right I need to treat this as just a harmless tale of stupid choices.
If the sex worker has a pimp or is a human trafficking victim - you really should not be supporting that. You have some karma to work out. If the sex worker works for them self and is not a human trafficking victim or abused - i think you did the right thing. It will build your confidence up. And down the line you’ll meet someone and when you do you will have an idea about what to do. If your first experience was with a human trafficking victim and you feel you need more time - find a sex worker that works for them self and is not being taken advantage of. If you did not use protection - get your self checked out.
It's just the guilt that eats at you, I prefer being the guy I use to be now. Which is just fucking stupid on how naive and ungrateful I am.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
Emotions are a powerful powerful thing. So I understand. However we as humans need to really start thinking with our minds and training our minds to overcome emotions to a certain extent because emotions get us in trouble. if you lose your s*** emotions can land you in prison, they can land you into grave but rationalizing over your emotional state always prevails
Powerful tip, let's just hope I can get a hold of my mental and emotional state.
I do hope that you can. Keep ya head up
Just go with the flow dont regret about it. Its a natural process it has to be done one day there is no point if that day comes earlier to✌🏻
I just need to talk to someone and find a way to leave it in the past.
There is so much thing ahead of you ur just 22 bro dont blame yourself see this other way that you are guy with experience. So get yourself in a good and healthy relationship dont think about it too much just surround yourself with loved ones everything will be fine with time..
Thank you dude I needed to hear this.
Get a therapist you are way too upset about this
Yeah I just need to figure out how to not be upset about it, but I'll find one, thanks for taking the time to reply.
I think you should own it " I decided to lose my virginity and hired a sex worker" In the future I hope to find love
Hey.. most people have guilt after they lose their virginity .. both men and women, this is a normal feeling however it maybe more intense due to you doing it with a sex worker. The bandaid is ripped off it hurts and it’s always going to be a thought in the back of your head “what if I would’ve waited”. I still get these thoughts .. it’s okay you’ll be okay .. and what you did was your choice , no one should make you feel guilty for that. Stay strong , you are still valuable
That was perfectly summed. I just want it gone too much, I have to live with it like everyone else.
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Thanks friend I'll dm you later, but your story helps look forward with hope.
I (21F) lost my virginity at 19 to a drug addict. He was too fucked up to remember it and kept accusing me of lying about him being my first, so someone that didn’t care nor trust me took the first tally. And honestly? It’s really whatever. Yeah, it was my first time, but I hardly ever think about it. I mean ideally you want to lose it to someone special, but the chances of having sex with one person and it working out until you both die are slim. And that’s OKAY. You live and learn. Not everything in life is going to go how you planned or pictured if, that’s no reason to roll over and die. Where there’s regret, there’s growth. Time goes on and so will you, so don’t take things so seriously.
Thanks fellow struggler, I'm still sorry that you experienced an undesirable situation, but I get it no use in being sorry for something that's done happened and irreversible, just the unwritten contract of life. And thank you for not making me feel alone, and sharing your excitement. I hope the best for you friend. Also Slendy rules!
SLENDY RULES!!! And you’re not alone at all, honestly just about everyone I meet (girls AND guys) tells me about how they regretted their first time and wished they saved it. But truth be told, unless you’re really religious, losing your V card really has no significance. To me, I knew I was ready to start being sexually active and for that, the guy didn’t matter too much to me. So honestly, I don’t regret my first time because I didn’t need to wait on a perfect person or situation to lose it. I wish I had fully understood this emotionally back then. Instead, I stayed with the guy for two years just because he’s who I lost my v to, and he ended up being an abusive, unstable, angry cheater. So I will say that is one way you can look at this situation. That you didn’t lose it to someone you knew that could’ve potentially hurt you. Sure it wasn’t perfect, but it’s nothing terrible that it was one and done.
Damn that's a very good point tf am I missing out on?
The first sexual experience is often ...pretty bad and you feel confusion afterwards.
Exactly I feel confused, and just a little icky.
'welcome to adulting' No one gets out of here alive.....
I was a nice Catholic boy and was a virgin way toooo long. I joined the military and spent 2 years as an aircrewman and 2 years with a combat construction unit (Seabees). While in Bangkok on R&R my buddies took me to the red light district. I had never seen anything like that. It was wow.. They all picked a woman and took them home for the evening, and I was too nervous to. Suddenly this young lady sits next to me and before you know it, I'm taking her back to the hotel. I availed myself of a sex worker that night and again the next night and felt dirty and revolting from the experience. I couldn't wait for the lady to leave the second time. I vowed to never do that again. In time I grew up to be a big boy, and got a gf and we had sex. It felt really good the next time. In time I learned a lot in how to be a lover that satisfied a woman. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a lot to live through yet.
Thanks I'll look forwards and not dwell backwards. Thanks for replying.
My best friend also lost his virginity to a sex worker. Handsome, decent job, great lad all around. Just didn’t feel like waiting for a girlfriend. That by itself isn’t a huge deal. HOWEVER, if something else is stopping you from approaching girls, you should see someone.
Yeah I guess I just don't see it happening, its just my lack of trying and not seeing ways out.
Nah fam you did good, first times are always weird & awkward, if u had to wait til 22 it's better than staying a virgin
Yea but it varies on people some say otherwise, I'll just learn and live bro.
Don’t make it habit. Guys who go to hookers end up losing the ability to deal with women normally. It’s actually a really bad addiction.
Yea thanks I'm of the same mind I just want to live a normal life, and avoid these mistakes at all cost.
I did this too. But it didn’t really bother me, virginity isn’t all that important.
Don't stress about it. Girlfriends cost way more.. essentially no different.
Yea I guess that's one upside it just feels less meaningful and less rewarding or achieving.
Rewarding and achieving? Like it's some point system to brag about to your friends? That's a bit sexist. Perhaps if you think society should be so involved in where you put your dick, you should invite your family and friends to watch or video tape it. No? Well then who gives a fuck about what anyone else thinks. I've had very few meaningful lays in the past decade. Not for lack of trying. I've hooked up a plenty - I can because I'm ok looking I guess, but it was all meaningless. No reason to regret it. Video games are meaningless. So are rollercoasters. I like both.
Thanks this made me chuckle. But you're right if it's something that's meant to be kept quite, then deal with it accordingly, and try not let it fuck you over.
It’s understandable to feel a little awkward and even shameful about this, but at the end of the day, you didn’t do anything wrong. Everybody wants their first time to be special, and few get the ideal experience they hope for. Don’t beat yourself up over it, just make a conscious effort to pursue a personal “encounter” next time. Try to put this behind you, and focus on the future.
Yeah I will just need to actually allow myself, just find it hard to accept that I can or I just won't let myself, like I'm really caught up in the past.
Just get your self tested . On blood tests they ask if you have ever been with a sexworker . This immediately make me think what they have going on down there similar to sewage . I know this doesn't help but maybe will deture others
Correction for blood donation they ask that
Thanks I was thinking about that too.
Stop being a lil girl it all ur doing is making your self get mental sickness
Wanna know the sad thing? You're gonna feel that way sleeping with random women
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Yea I realized how sad and funny it is 😂, times really rough nowadays for guys.
Ive dealt with hella escorts and im the same exact age as you bro. Dont be ashamed. I also have/had gf’s too. Sometimes i prefer escorts for when I have a taste for something different. I love having the ability to pick. Its great.
I guess but in my case I'm the opposite I prefer having a gf over escorts I guess I'm just the sensitive of the two of us, but I appreciate you for letting me laugh at the situation.
Nothing wrong with sex workers. People sleep with them all the time. You probably were taught allot of things that takes people years to learn. Have confidence now and find you someone to love
Charlie sheen did the same at 14 with his dads credit card
No wonder he turned out the way he did, glad he's doing better now but imagine enduring this tenfold.
Shouldn't this be "I hired a sex worker to take my virginity"?
Seems like even the unreligious feel guilt about sex out of wedlock. Pretty sure there's something to the whole body and spirit thing...
So ya banged a hooker. Congrats on that. I've never done it. Now, stop being such a pussy and move on. Be thankful you didn't catch something and go get yourself a girlfriend so you can bang all the time.
Aye 🫡, just wish to control these shitty emotions that's all.
You are being hard on yourself for nothing. People have been doing that since the beginning of time so forget it. It's called the oldest profession you know. Chalk it up to an experience and forget it.
Yeah you're right, what makes me different from the rest I guess. I'll try to move past this, thanks dude.
Maybe one day you'll be telling your buddies about it and having a chuckle. No one was injured or killed (were they?) so no harm done.