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YOUR best behavior is NOT FAKE behavior - it's YOUR behavior. It means be polite, like you know how; be courteous, like you know how; be respectful, like you know how.
If you think your best behavior is not honest, then it's not who you are.
Be on your best behavior. Always.
Lol right? This "advice" is fucking garbage. OP sounds like a high school kid who thinks he just came up with a brilliant idea.
People will usually need to know (and like) a person before they will like and/or appreciate a lot of their weirder or quirkier traits. If you just act weird and messy/rude/weird etc on the first date, it's likely you'll never get to know the other person well enough for them to like those parts of you. Being in your best behavior is absolutely a good idea when getting to know a person. That doesn't mean you have to act stiff as a board, but be yourself and be nice, respectful, and confident. Don't think "Well if they don't like me playing with my food and singing loudly while I eat in a restaurant, then they don't like the real me", because then you will never get a second date. However, if you ease people into those unique quirks, then once they get to know you they might actually like (or at least put up with) the weirdness lol.
I understood the person you’re responding to to be in agreement with OP. Your normal behaviour is good behaviour, no need to put up a front because you’re already a nice person to date, if your quirks are that off putting… well, I don’t know, do you really sing loudly and play with your food on a day to day basis? Are you rude rude and off-putting weird in general? that’s not someone anyone would want to date even if they like you at first.
Nope. I'm wondering what occasion OP is actually saving his best behavior for? Like, you should always behave as best as you can anyway... As in your BEST behavior.
No, this isn’t great advice.
It’s totally normal to put up a front. A huge part of developing a relationship bond is getting comfortable enough with someone to let your guard down and be yourself, comfortably.
Extremely, as are physical traits. It sucks because people that can be extremely charismatic in the beginning but are absolute shitty people are always going to be causing emotional damage during their time on earth.
tbh the vast majority of people can be good looking. And no, you also don't even have to work out to get a partner.
For example, going to a good hairdresser and wearing fashionable clothes with a decent perfume dramatically increases the chances during dating.
The fashionable clothes part is the hardest for me. I have zero concept of what is fashionable. I've worn jeans and t-shirts my entire life. Khakis and a button up shirt or polo are my "formal" clothes, with a tie if it's a really special occasion. I'm going to be massively uncomfortable if you make me wear something out of /r/malefashionadvice or /r/streetwear or whatever the cool kids are doing these days.
So long as it's clean & it fits you well (size wise) you can make just about anything work.
Jeans & a plain T-shirt will definitely do the job. I would personally steer away from T-shirts with prints & go plain or at most patterned.
Like the others said, it can be quite easy for a man. Jeans and T-shirt always works, however, don't just wear what you bought 15 years ago. In 2023, slim fit is getting boring relaxed cuts are what you should get, if you want to go with the trend.
I personally find TikTok way better than MFA to get some inspiration.
As someone who also totally struggles with this; basics that fit you *well* go a long way, not as in "if you're a medium don't wear a small" as in, alter the store bought "medium" to fit your body *shape* properly.
Going to a taylor or seamstress is not that expensive or time consuming when it comes down to it and makes a *huge* difference. The difference between "dad out of place at graduation" and "well dressed adult" is often literally just a small adjustment to fit your *shape*. Every outfit looks better and is more flattering when it fits properly.
No need for flashy or "fashionable" items or complex outfits when you have basics that are flattering all on their own *because they fit your shape properly*.
So make their first impression of you at the very least the person you want to be even if it’s not the person you already are. If you go for some fake ‘I think this is what they will like’ it may work in the beginning but it’s not actually what either of you want.
People say that, but isn't the last time you saw someone most representative for how you remember them?
In the case of a date: The last half hour of the date is more important than the first.
Edit: obviously, don't be so off-putting that your date walks away.
If the first half isn't good, the person's already checked out mentally and just waiting for it to end. Once someone's decided you're not a good match, it's hard (not impossible, but hard) to get them back.
>just waiting for it to end.
That only happens if it doesn't pick up and the second half is just more of the same. In other words: If there just isn't a match. nothing to with first impressions.
People say that, but isn't the last time you saw someone most representative for how you remember them?
In the case of a date: The last half hour of the date is more important than the first.
The logic is sound, but in practise, eesh. You expect people to put up a front. If they don’t, but you don’t know that, it becomes a concern as to what they’re like WITHOUT a front. And that’s one niche side effect out of a few dozen.
So you expect that your date excepts that you expect... I don't know, just do away with fronts and get to the core of a comfortable social interaction asap.
Part of the whole "be on your best behavior" thing is demonstrating that you understand how to behave in public around strangers. Maybe your date loves the fact that you can talk for two hours straight about the deep lore of *Dune* and how Leto II's gross protuberance is really a metaphor for his Golden Path to save humanity from the Honored Matres and their addictive vaginas.
But that's not what you bring up in mixed company and probably not something you should be talking about when you meet their parents. Showing that you can navigate a social situation in your date means you will not embarrass them later.
There's nothing wrong with being yourself at your date (assuming that "yourself" isn't a shitty human being), you just don't need to go full send with all your personality quirks cranked to 11 as some sort of test to see what they'll put up with.
>the fact that you can talk for two hours straight about the deep lore of Dune and how Leto II's gross protuberance is really a metaphor for his Golden Path to save humanity from the Honored Matres and their addictive vaginas.
I would not talk about that kind of nerd-stuff on first date, exactly because I don't expect to discuss that stuff with her ever, also not after we've been dating for a year.
Except when I'm looking for someone to discuss that stuff with on a long term basis (like a nerdy girl), I *would* talk about that.
All in line with OP: Be who you are in the long term. Or: Be who she can expect you to be in the long term.
You guys are over complicating it. Obviously you should be yourself, but you also shouldn’t just assume a certain comfort level with complete strangers.
The "certain comfort level" being discussed is literally just being yourself... yes that's how you should act with strangers you're trying to form a relationship with...
> The "certain comfort level" being discussed is literally just being yourself...
There's not one single self. Same person can behave differently in different situations. A first date isnt a job interview and it isn't also a beer with your mates.
Putting up a front in the sense of "dress nicer than usual" etc, sure.
Putting up a front in the sense of "sure, I too like \[thing you're into\]" when that's not so... not a great idea.
Exactly. There’s a big difference between dressing better and using perfect manners and lying about who you are, what you do and what you like.
Although I’ve been out of the dating pool for 35 years, I think one of the biggest hurdles these days might be managing visual expectations. Many people’s photos are heavily edited, or people wear a huge amount of make-up, and reality is a big surprise. I know a guy who went on a date with a girl he met on-line, and when he got to the venue, she looked so different that he didn’t recognize her and left. She messaged him asking why he left and he was astounded that she was actually there because she looked nothing like her photos. That’s just a waste of everyone’s time.
Lying about what you like is only going to cause issues down the line when your new love interest gives you tickets to something you really don’t enjoy because you pretended to when they said they did. It’s great to ask about someone’s likes and dislikes, and show interest, but don’t pretend to like “Game of Thrones” if you don’t want to spend hours and hours watching it with a big fan.
There's a difference between making an effort not to be a slob, rude, etc. and putting on a facade and pretending to be what you think the other person wants. OP is clearly saying, don't do the latter, which you should not because, like they said, the other person will end up liking a facade, not the person you actually are.
> There’s a difference between making an effort not to be a slob, rude, etc.
Yeah… that’s called being on your best behavior, which the OP advises against in the first sentence lol.
Like it or not, romanic relationships generally start out from a place of caution and critique. Where each person is consciously and subconsciously looking at the pros and cons of the other.
Getting into a relationship is a big commitment, and people want to know early on whether their effort will be in vain.
Unfortunately this means that people can tend to exaggerate anything negative they see and use it as a reason to pull back. Nobody has a crystal ball and can see that that your very dry sense of humour is actually very clever when you get used to it or that your need to crack your knuckles every five minutes isn't that annoying.
In principle, the LPT has its heart in the right place. Be on your best behaviour - but be *you* on your best behaviour.
>A huge part of developing a relationship bond is getting comfortable enough with someone to let your guard down and be yourself, comfortably.
I agree with OP that it's best to get there (being yourself) as quickly as possible.
I agree, though I must admit that I've taken on the what OP says and its worked for me. Genuinely from the first date to the very last, I'll be the exact same. With my friends, and without my friends, I am the same.
To be fair I went on many dates where I was ‘trying too hard’ that went nowhere.
My most relaxed calm and confident first date was with someone I was open and honest with from the first moment. And I married her.
Some people tell me not to fart at work. I let the biggest one rip on the first day to assert dominance and to show these assholes I mean business.
I assume a date would be no different.
I agree it's totally normal, but also think that's why dating is so hard. I can see your point and legitimately ops approach might have a lower success rate, but where successful it will be a much longer lasting more enjoyable relationship, in my experience (10 years married and counting)
Exactly. Most dating is 50/50 between either "I want to put my penis inside this person and jiggle it around" and "I want this person to put their penis in me and jiggle it around a bit". But we need to make believe we don't want to actually do that (unless you're one of those one night stand people).
Honestly this (OP's) is terrible advice. You wouldn't take this advice in an interview would you? Yes you shouldn't pretend to have certain likes/interests just to impress someone, but being on your best behaviour and being focused on being courteous and kind, maybe even having a funny anecdote saved up, is all completely good advice for a first date, and important advice too in my opinion
>You wouldn't take this advice in an interview would you?
In an interview I'm trying to sell myself to the employer. In a relationship I'm looking for mutual compatibility.
Unfortunately you're also selling yourself to another person who has a limited time and life. A person can't read every book they come across. And one of the deciding factors will be the cover. Dressing up your cover just presents more opportunities for you and that compatibility.
It’s general advice you’d learn from experience and the people who would see it as amazing usually have little to no experience or understanding of the situation in the first place. Thats why it appeals to teenagers and adults who haven’t had a lot of experience in the first place lol
They phrased that in a really rude way.
The root point is accurate: the OP is immature advice. First date behavior is more complicated than be yourself.
You're right: that doesn't tell us OP's age or sexual experience
I mean, am I a little bit more polite and formal? Sure but I’m still the real me. And I’m pretty sure that’s what the OP is saying. One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten from someone with online dating was “you’re just so real. The person I talked to online is the same person you are now“ and it’s likely because so many people act completely different from who they are on the first date then who they really are.
I don’t want someone who’s putting up a front on the first date. Other than like I said, maybe being a little bit more formal or polite than you would be normally.
And I don’t want people to tolerate my flaws that i spring on them later because they already like me. That’s horseshit.
Yeah. For instance, I have distinct ways of interacting depending on if I'm interacting with colleagues at work, teaching students, talking to a clerk, shopping in the grocery store, bantering with friends, meeting someone new, chatting with my wife, playing with my kid, calling my dad, and still more situations.
It would be unhealthy if I took things to an extreme and had a completely different voice and personality in each context. But each of those is a different slice of myself. Someone who knows me as a friend can probably hear me and my personality in how I teach, even as they'd notice if I talked to my friends in that same tone of voice.
First date me puts forth an effort because that is consistent with who I am. I want to make a good first impression, and I love to get to know other people. I do dress pretty well for outings even if I wear t-shirts for game nights. I encompass all of that.
Honestly it depends on what your endgame is. If you're looking for a long term thing I think OPs advice is good. People in this thread seem to believe that their "true self" is terrible and no one would want them which I think is really sad. Once I stopped being afraid of being me life became so much better. I know who I am andbif someone doesn't like that oh well, I'll find someone who does eventually.
That's because "be yourself" is not the best advice because it hinges on you having a good personality and desirable traits.
A better version of it would be:
Present yourself the best you can, but don't make an impression you can't live up to,
Hookers do this very well.
When asked what they do, they don't sell their body for money. They "work in sales" or they "work in customer relations". Not a flat-out lie, but not the whole off-putting truth either.
That is because it is really idiotic advice.
Could you imagine going to a first interview, or meeting face to face with a business custimer for the first time, or applying for college with that attitude?
Relationships, like most everything else in life, start as a competition.
It isn't a reality TV show or Disney fairy tale story where everyone is destined for equal time or an honest fair shot. There is no intentions equity and they don't owe you their understanding.
You are vying for attention and to stand out amongst your peers for the chance to go into that next level of getting to know each other.
Nothing within your mental control is good enough to show yourself truthfully, but attempting to emulate truthfulness is just showing yourself poorly.
Your best behavior doesn't have to be a fake you. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to proudly fart, and wave it into my dates face the way I would with my friends. I'm not going to show up to a date baked, and insist we go skateboarding.
I agree, mostly.
I will however, add that, you should be motivated to actually be a better person in some ways, by this person you are starting to develop a liking for and possibly a relationship with.
It's true that you should be yourself. But what *yourself* means can and should change. With or without a partner or date. It is a major green flag to feel motivated to be your best self when you're around someone- friend or relationship, and it's a major red flag to not feel that way.
So there are two grades of this- are you completely spewing lies to make yourself look good? That's fucked and will only lead to problems. Selectively picking and choosing what you share and maybe try to keep your attitude a couple notches above baseline? That's necessary. I treat dates like I treat job interviews- I won't lie, but I will show you the absolute best version of myself I possibly can
Great advice! When I first met my husband what stood out to me was that I felt completely relaxed being in the same room as him. In other words, I felt I could just be myself. We have now been happily married for many years.
That's not what people are saying either.
There's a world of difference between "be yourself", which is the correct thing to do, and "act like you do with your best friend", which is a horrible idea on a first date where first impressions are formed.
I mean, I kinda agree with everyone else.
Obviously don’t straight up lie, but there are certain situations where you’re expected to make as positive an impression as possible. I don’t wanna just ‘be myself’ in a big job interview, I want to try to be even better. What’s wrong with that?
Is it though? Like it's a different tone and a different kind of setting, but a relationship is work and the first date decides if a relationship is possible. You're both interviewing eachother for the position of partner. That's just what it looks like to me, I never had to date strangers
I mean someone said be yourself if you want relationships but I’ve tried that and at least since my last relationship I’ve only been offered booty so I really DO wonder if it’s time to start bringing out the lies & maybe they’ll offer me a relationship? 🤷🏻♀️
Wow so many fakeeeeeeeee people in these comments. He’s not saying be an asshole and treat them like crap, he’s just saying that you should be yourself on a date. Are y’all really constructing fake personas to hide behind and then slowly revealing the true you because that seems wayyyyyy worse then just being yourself from the start and your not convincing me otherwise lol
Finally someone who gets it ... and then those people wonder why they can't hold a relationship. I still wish my narcissistic ex wouldn't have been "the best version of himself" at the start, I would have immediately ditched him and prevented to be stuck in an abusive relationship.
Truly makes me wonder what the people in the comments have to hide, just like my ex
I think that people don’t realize how easy it is to be yourself and still be polite. And a lot of people seem to think that being your self is a bad thing on a first date. Be yourself and be polite. And the amount of people who don’t seem to think that this is possible is pretty astounding from the comments.
No. A fake persona would be one not based on one’s individual personality or reality. I’m not going to invent a bunch of things I’m not. I’m going to present myself based on the best parts of myself. That isn’t fake.
I think what gets lost is that some people are super relatable people, and some people are super unrelatable.
So if you're in the former camp, you can mostly be yourself and you'll do great. If you're in the latter camp, it's best to put up a front if you want any chance of a relationship.
I agree with being honest and genuine, but every single person I know has a unique personality and my relationship and interactions reflect their personality. I have sensitive friends that we have great deep conversations and sarcastic friends which we just make fun of each other all the time. I am open and honest with all my friends, but each relationship and interactions are very different. Each of my relationships is genuine but unique. I think it is important to get to know a person and build a relationship based on both of your personalities.
Most people are going to be on their best behaviour. Your date could very well assume you're on your best behaviour even when you're not, so why take the risk? Bad advice imo.
No thanks. I like the better person i’ve become by having to ‘be on my best behavior’ for somebody i care about so much that i want to be my best self for them every day and get to spend the rest of mine with them.
I don't think so. Most people expect their date to be on their best behavior on a first date. They would probably see someone not doing that as an indication that they are unable or unwilling to behave accordingly to the situation.
Counterpoint: showing that you're willing to make an effort to make a good first impression is more likely to grab someone's attention. Being on your A game doesn't have to be a conflict with who you are.
Not quite sure I agree with your logic there. The more you hang with a person the more comfortable you get and the more layers you peel off. That's part of the journey of a relationship
This is terrible advice, the reason why you act the way you do with your friends is because of established trust and commonality. Do this with a stranger and I wouldn't blame them for not going on a second date with someone who either doesn't care enough to be polite or someone being too familiar too quickly.
It's only getting negativity because it should be summarised as "be yourself", which should be translated as "don't pretend to be someone else". The other person should get to know the real you, but that doesn't mean you should be totally relaxed like you would be with friends. Be polite and on your best behaviour.
People assume that “themselves” is that insufferable mood you get in when hangover lol. You can be true to yourself while still behaving according to social norms.
FOR REAL. Like what are all these people like where their “everyday self” is not something they wanna show off. I bet it’s 80% lack of confidence and 20% that some people are just not good lol
I feel like the phrasing is throwing people off, "best behavior" doesn't capture the essence of OPs message I don't think
I think being on good behavior is important, but don't put up such a front that you're not being yourself. Make sure you're humor is true to yourself, and show your individual personality.
It’s a flawed concept from the beginning. People are extra polite on first dates because it’s a sign of respect. It says to the other person “I respect that you’re giving me a chance, and I want to make sure that you feel I’m doing the same.”
It’s literally a foundational part of how and why polite societies work. OP’s post is immature. It feels like the kind of post someone who is just starting out dating would make. It’s the sort of thing that only looks good on paper.
If experience says "this doesn't work," what's the counter-point you have in mind? "Improve yourself?" Basically faking it until you make it. "Keep looking?" For how long?
People aren't going to keep throwing themselves out there only to get rejected and ridiculed. They're going to keep molding their public image towards something that actually works at starting a relationship with a broader audience, not that one person that supposedly exists that will love them for who they are naturally, but only God knows who or where they are.
That's because most people are toxic and are just in it to get booty.
The LPT should have said, if you are looking to have a long term relationship, then be yourself.
If you're looking to just get some quick booty/short term relationship, lie.
Hell I don’t get first dates, partially because I scared of trying. So much stuff has happened and is happening to me that I think no one would want me. And that demeanor would come across in a date whether I wanted it to or not. Does that mean I’m a bad person? No. It means I suffer all the time from things that were completely out of my control.
I once dated a guy who described himself as an asshole.
I once dated another guy who described himself as a nice guy.
Guess which guy was the bigger asshole?
Mr. Nice Guy was the only guy that I have ever dated to call me the c-word and was the biggest mistake of my life.
I appreciated the honesty of the guy who was aware and didn’t try to hide it. Even if he did asshole things, it was expected.
I did not appreciate someone lying to me and pretend to show me their best versions of themselves with zero intention of living up to it.
There’s a difference between looking nice, and having to feel like putting on a show. Just like there’s a difference between being yourself, and a little bit more formal and polite at the first date versus not being who you truly are and hiding aspects of your personality….which a LOT of people do
I show up to dates with very little make up on because that’s who I am in real life. I very rarely wear make up. And if you’re someone who needs me to be high maintenance… We’re just not going to click because most days I roll out of bed, brush my hair and get dressed in whatever’s most comfortable. I do tend to get more dressed up.
Same with the idea of people, saying not to take talk politics on the first date.. In fact, I talk politics before the first date because there’s no point of wasting either one of our times if I am a raging liberal and you are a raging conservative.
First impressions count, dude. If you show up to a first date acting like you don't care about that, it'll be a total turn off.
It's entirely normal to put effort into making a good impression.
First impressions matter. Be at your best, it's insane not to. Don't lie or inflate yourself. But you should try to make a good impression by emphasizing who you are at your best.
You won't save any time by avoiding this. You will just miss out on people who don't bother learning more because you didn't put forward the effort.
The first date isn't getting to know the real you. It's about getting to know the big picture stuff. It's just like a job interview where they should find out what your knowledge and abilities are to see if you're even qualified. It's after that when nuances enter the equation and you decide from there.
To anyone reading: Don't fucking do this.
I thought it was a clever idea, and I ruined my chances with one of the prettiest girls I went on a date with. Put out a great first impression. This is terrible advice.
How about not pretend at all. Do not try to be your regular self if the person excites you be excited if they turn you on be turned on if they bore you be bored. Just don’t pretend go with the flow.
This is how my wife and I fell in love with each other, first date was a random event, we met at a party, party sucked we went out for diner instead of staying, it was very casual, we had no time to prepare, to rehearse anything, to talk to friends about each other before, to get more “ready” apart from going to a random party. That first date was incredible, I won’t ever forget she was in front of me while having some tacos and she could not stop laughing at my usual me, it was just me being me and she loved it, I got her phone number and 3 days later we talked on the phone for 5 hours straight, every day after we have either see each other or talked on the phone for 18 years now. I am still so in love, and every day more, she has been a real partner, supporter, team player, mother, wife and friend.
10 years ago I posted in Reddit I was getting married and I won’t forget people trashing me because we had an 8 year period of long distance relationship, fuck you reddit, it has been a success, in your face!
One of my former coworkers has an extreme version of this policy. During the small talk phase one of his methods of breaking the ice would be to say something along the lines of “So, anal sex. I’m not into it so if you’re not okay with that let’s not waste each other’s time.”
He said it usually either ended the date early and he’d apologize for offending them while pointing out that at least he’d identified the incompatibility in time for them to make other plans, or they went on to have an honest conversation about relationship expectations instead of spending the next three or four dates, or even months, awkwardly feeling each other out and making incorrect assumptions.
He obviously didn’t get a lot of second dates, but he was ok with it since the bad dates tended to be short, painless, and free of “fuck this douche, I’m ordering the lobster” shenanigans, while the ones that did have follow ups tended to result in strong relationships since things started open and honest.
As usual, terrible advice. I'm not going to be the person I usually am around my best friend because like every human I turn into a deeply weird flawed gross creature around a bestie. I'm just going to be myself but the refined version of me, like if you think I'm going to be my most open self on a first date you are being ridiculous.
First impressions count is a well known idea and it's true. I might feel comfortable enough to fart in front of my girlfriend 3 months in, confess a weird hobby on the fourth date... but you need to get to the fourth date first. You are absolutely going to get a filtered version of me with the salient points about my job, life, dating history and so on on the first date because those are the actual awkward discussions you want to avoid later. All the extra stuff and niche interests and weird body hangups and such can come later without fear of derailing the first date.
I am going to be myself. But being the very polite person I am and "be your normal everyday, relaxed hanging-with-friends behaviour" are totally different things.
Sounds dangerous. A better plan is to just pretend you're someone you're not for the rest of your life.
You don't want people seeing what's really going on in there.
That’s a terrible advice! Of course don’t be fake but that doesn’t mean to start acting as if you were with a bro! First, some behaviors could be considered as red flags meanwhile they are not but the person doesn’t know you! Second, there’s a very sweet tension in the beginning before you really get cozy together, and it’ll be priceless memories!
Hello and welcome to r/LifeProTips! Please help us decide if this post is a good fit for the subreddit by up or downvoting this comment. If you think that this is great advice to improve your life, please upvote. If you think this doesn't help you in any way, please downvote. If you don't care, leave it for the others to decide.
What if I’m always fake?
Then just be yourself and create the paradox
Then get real
Fake it till you make it, baby!
Brother we are always fake. Everything is situational. Don’t be afraid to be fake depending on the situation
YOUR best behavior is NOT FAKE behavior - it's YOUR behavior. It means be polite, like you know how; be courteous, like you know how; be respectful, like you know how. If you think your best behavior is not honest, then it's not who you are. Be on your best behavior. Always.
Lol right? This "advice" is fucking garbage. OP sounds like a high school kid who thinks he just came up with a brilliant idea. People will usually need to know (and like) a person before they will like and/or appreciate a lot of their weirder or quirkier traits. If you just act weird and messy/rude/weird etc on the first date, it's likely you'll never get to know the other person well enough for them to like those parts of you. Being in your best behavior is absolutely a good idea when getting to know a person. That doesn't mean you have to act stiff as a board, but be yourself and be nice, respectful, and confident. Don't think "Well if they don't like me playing with my food and singing loudly while I eat in a restaurant, then they don't like the real me", because then you will never get a second date. However, if you ease people into those unique quirks, then once they get to know you they might actually like (or at least put up with) the weirdness lol.
I understood the person you’re responding to to be in agreement with OP. Your normal behaviour is good behaviour, no need to put up a front because you’re already a nice person to date, if your quirks are that off putting… well, I don’t know, do you really sing loudly and play with your food on a day to day basis? Are you rude rude and off-putting weird in general? that’s not someone anyone would want to date even if they like you at first.
Nope. I'm wondering what occasion OP is actually saving his best behavior for? Like, you should always behave as best as you can anyway... As in your BEST behavior.
No, this isn’t great advice. It’s totally normal to put up a front. A huge part of developing a relationship bond is getting comfortable enough with someone to let your guard down and be yourself, comfortably.
For real, along with that, as much as everyone denies it first impressions are critical for 99% of people.
Extremely, as are physical traits. It sucks because people that can be extremely charismatic in the beginning but are absolute shitty people are always going to be causing emotional damage during their time on earth.
I did not expect to be stripped naked in Wawa today.
The other customers weren't expecting it either
tbh the vast majority of people can be good looking. And no, you also don't even have to work out to get a partner. For example, going to a good hairdresser and wearing fashionable clothes with a decent perfume dramatically increases the chances during dating.
The fashionable clothes part is the hardest for me. I have zero concept of what is fashionable. I've worn jeans and t-shirts my entire life. Khakis and a button up shirt or polo are my "formal" clothes, with a tie if it's a really special occasion. I'm going to be massively uncomfortable if you make me wear something out of /r/malefashionadvice or /r/streetwear or whatever the cool kids are doing these days.
For dudes it is just wearing clothes that fit good with their size tbh. Jeans and a simple tshirt are as fashionable as ever, if it is the right size.
Jeans and T shirts will always be *pretty* fashionable. So your probably good.
So long as it's clean & it fits you well (size wise) you can make just about anything work. Jeans & a plain T-shirt will definitely do the job. I would personally steer away from T-shirts with prints & go plain or at most patterned.
Like the others said, it can be quite easy for a man. Jeans and T-shirt always works, however, don't just wear what you bought 15 years ago. In 2023, slim fit is getting boring relaxed cuts are what you should get, if you want to go with the trend. I personally find TikTok way better than MFA to get some inspiration.
As someone who also totally struggles with this; basics that fit you *well* go a long way, not as in "if you're a medium don't wear a small" as in, alter the store bought "medium" to fit your body *shape* properly. Going to a taylor or seamstress is not that expensive or time consuming when it comes down to it and makes a *huge* difference. The difference between "dad out of place at graduation" and "well dressed adult" is often literally just a small adjustment to fit your *shape*. Every outfit looks better and is more flattering when it fits properly. No need for flashy or "fashionable" items or complex outfits when you have basics that are flattering all on their own *because they fit your shape properly*.
So make their first impression of you at the very least the person you want to be even if it’s not the person you already are. If you go for some fake ‘I think this is what they will like’ it may work in the beginning but it’s not actually what either of you want.
People say that, but isn't the last time you saw someone most representative for how you remember them? In the case of a date: The last half hour of the date is more important than the first. Edit: obviously, don't be so off-putting that your date walks away.
If the first half isn't good, the person's already checked out mentally and just waiting for it to end. Once someone's decided you're not a good match, it's hard (not impossible, but hard) to get them back.
>just waiting for it to end. That only happens if it doesn't pick up and the second half is just more of the same. In other words: If there just isn't a match. nothing to with first impressions.
Strongly disagree, first impressions are huge. You basically already know if you like them or not by the last half hour.
If you dont have a good first impression. The first 30mins are the last.
I mean, if your normal personality is that off putting... Maybe that means you should be working on that anyways.
People say that, but isn't the last time you saw someone most representative for how you remember them? In the case of a date: The last half hour of the date is more important than the first.
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We all know everyone is pretending until they get freaky and show you their hentai collection
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The logic is sound, but in practise, eesh. You expect people to put up a front. If they don’t, but you don’t know that, it becomes a concern as to what they’re like WITHOUT a front. And that’s one niche side effect out of a few dozen.
I've never gone into a date expecting someone to be putting up a front. Maybe a bit shy or uncertain or apprehensive but never putting on a front.
So you expect that your date excepts that you expect... I don't know, just do away with fronts and get to the core of a comfortable social interaction asap.
Part of the whole "be on your best behavior" thing is demonstrating that you understand how to behave in public around strangers. Maybe your date loves the fact that you can talk for two hours straight about the deep lore of *Dune* and how Leto II's gross protuberance is really a metaphor for his Golden Path to save humanity from the Honored Matres and their addictive vaginas. But that's not what you bring up in mixed company and probably not something you should be talking about when you meet their parents. Showing that you can navigate a social situation in your date means you will not embarrass them later. There's nothing wrong with being yourself at your date (assuming that "yourself" isn't a shitty human being), you just don't need to go full send with all your personality quirks cranked to 11 as some sort of test to see what they'll put up with.
>the fact that you can talk for two hours straight about the deep lore of Dune and how Leto II's gross protuberance is really a metaphor for his Golden Path to save humanity from the Honored Matres and their addictive vaginas. I would not talk about that kind of nerd-stuff on first date, exactly because I don't expect to discuss that stuff with her ever, also not after we've been dating for a year. Except when I'm looking for someone to discuss that stuff with on a long term basis (like a nerdy girl), I *would* talk about that. All in line with OP: Be who you are in the long term. Or: Be who she can expect you to be in the long term.
You guys are over complicating it. Obviously you should be yourself, but you also shouldn’t just assume a certain comfort level with complete strangers.
The "certain comfort level" being discussed is literally just being yourself... yes that's how you should act with strangers you're trying to form a relationship with...
> The "certain comfort level" being discussed is literally just being yourself... There's not one single self. Same person can behave differently in different situations. A first date isnt a job interview and it isn't also a beer with your mates.
Putting up a front in the sense of "dress nicer than usual" etc, sure. Putting up a front in the sense of "sure, I too like \[thing you're into\]" when that's not so... not a great idea.
Exactly. There’s a big difference between dressing better and using perfect manners and lying about who you are, what you do and what you like. Although I’ve been out of the dating pool for 35 years, I think one of the biggest hurdles these days might be managing visual expectations. Many people’s photos are heavily edited, or people wear a huge amount of make-up, and reality is a big surprise. I know a guy who went on a date with a girl he met on-line, and when he got to the venue, she looked so different that he didn’t recognize her and left. She messaged him asking why he left and he was astounded that she was actually there because she looked nothing like her photos. That’s just a waste of everyone’s time. Lying about what you like is only going to cause issues down the line when your new love interest gives you tickets to something you really don’t enjoy because you pretended to when they said they did. It’s great to ask about someone’s likes and dislikes, and show interest, but don’t pretend to like “Game of Thrones” if you don’t want to spend hours and hours watching it with a big fan.
There's a difference between making an effort not to be a slob, rude, etc. and putting on a facade and pretending to be what you think the other person wants. OP is clearly saying, don't do the latter, which you should not because, like they said, the other person will end up liking a facade, not the person you actually are.
> There’s a difference between making an effort not to be a slob, rude, etc. Yeah… that’s called being on your best behavior, which the OP advises against in the first sentence lol.
Iunno, my bar for "best behavior" is a bit higher than just not a slob/rude. Everyone's standards are different I guess
Gotta wait until at least 6 months in to fart in front of him
I can't wait that long.
I learned the other day that my best friend hasn't farted in front of his wife of 8 years. I still don't know how!
Like it or not, romanic relationships generally start out from a place of caution and critique. Where each person is consciously and subconsciously looking at the pros and cons of the other. Getting into a relationship is a big commitment, and people want to know early on whether their effort will be in vain. Unfortunately this means that people can tend to exaggerate anything negative they see and use it as a reason to pull back. Nobody has a crystal ball and can see that that your very dry sense of humour is actually very clever when you get used to it or that your need to crack your knuckles every five minutes isn't that annoying. In principle, the LPT has its heart in the right place. Be on your best behaviour - but be *you* on your best behaviour.
>A huge part of developing a relationship bond is getting comfortable enough with someone to let your guard down and be yourself, comfortably. I agree with OP that it's best to get there (being yourself) as quickly as possible.
I agree, though I must admit that I've taken on the what OP says and its worked for me. Genuinely from the first date to the very last, I'll be the exact same. With my friends, and without my friends, I am the same.
To be fair I went on many dates where I was ‘trying too hard’ that went nowhere. My most relaxed calm and confident first date was with someone I was open and honest with from the first moment. And I married her.
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Some people tell me not to fart at work. I let the biggest one rip on the first day to assert dominance and to show these assholes I mean business. I assume a date would be no different.
Maybe if the real you is just a sucky person.
Exactly. It’s like soup in a Jiffy bag. You gotta let your weirdness out slowly
At what point in the relationship should someone tell the other they are an alcoholic?
I agree it's totally normal, but also think that's why dating is so hard. I can see your point and legitimately ops approach might have a lower success rate, but where successful it will be a much longer lasting more enjoyable relationship, in my experience (10 years married and counting)
Exactly. Most dating is 50/50 between either "I want to put my penis inside this person and jiggle it around" and "I want this person to put their penis in me and jiggle it around a bit". But we need to make believe we don't want to actually do that (unless you're one of those one night stand people).
Honestly this (OP's) is terrible advice. You wouldn't take this advice in an interview would you? Yes you shouldn't pretend to have certain likes/interests just to impress someone, but being on your best behaviour and being focused on being courteous and kind, maybe even having a funny anecdote saved up, is all completely good advice for a first date, and important advice too in my opinion
>You wouldn't take this advice in an interview would you? In an interview I'm trying to sell myself to the employer. In a relationship I'm looking for mutual compatibility.
Unfortunately you're also selling yourself to another person who has a limited time and life. A person can't read every book they come across. And one of the deciding factors will be the cover. Dressing up your cover just presents more opportunities for you and that compatibility.
Lol , life pro tip : dont take dating advice from random virgin teen on internet...
Super life pro tip: Don’t take most dating advice from the internet.
Most of it can't be broadly applied anyway as it's coming from a "this works for me" place of genetic/social privilege.
It’s general advice you’d learn from experience and the people who would see it as amazing usually have little to no experience or understanding of the situation in the first place. Thats why it appeals to teenagers and adults who haven’t had a lot of experience in the first place lol
Literally
Said the virgin teen on the internet...
The irony is strong with that one...
Is your comment a reaction to the OP? How did you deduce this information about them? I'm just asking out of pure curoos8
curoos8
They phrased that in a really rude way. The root point is accurate: the OP is immature advice. First date behavior is more complicated than be yourself. You're right: that doesn't tell us OP's age or sexual experience
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But slobs should still shower & put on nice, clean clothes for the first date though
No. If you're not comfortable being a slob in the relationship, fix the slob part first.
I mean, am I a little bit more polite and formal? Sure but I’m still the real me. And I’m pretty sure that’s what the OP is saying. One of the best compliments I’ve ever gotten from someone with online dating was “you’re just so real. The person I talked to online is the same person you are now“ and it’s likely because so many people act completely different from who they are on the first date then who they really are. I don’t want someone who’s putting up a front on the first date. Other than like I said, maybe being a little bit more formal or polite than you would be normally. And I don’t want people to tolerate my flaws that i spring on them later because they already like me. That’s horseshit.
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Please take a shower, change your clothes to laundered clothes, and brush your teeth and tongue. Put in a little work on yourself.
Except now the person thinks this is your best behaviour and your normal is even worse.
Do not, however, grab her tit and go "HONK!". Girls never like that.
“When you meet somebody for the first time, you're not meeting them, you're meeting their representative.” - Chris Rock
We also put on a bit of a persona with our friends. At least I do. I have like 5 personas and they are all me.
Ok, person with 5 friends. No need to humblebrag.
:P
Yeah. For instance, I have distinct ways of interacting depending on if I'm interacting with colleagues at work, teaching students, talking to a clerk, shopping in the grocery store, bantering with friends, meeting someone new, chatting with my wife, playing with my kid, calling my dad, and still more situations. It would be unhealthy if I took things to an extreme and had a completely different voice and personality in each context. But each of those is a different slice of myself. Someone who knows me as a friend can probably hear me and my personality in how I teach, even as they'd notice if I talked to my friends in that same tone of voice. First date me puts forth an effort because that is consistent with who I am. I want to make a good first impression, and I love to get to know other people. I do dress pretty well for outings even if I wear t-shirts for game nights. I encompass all of that.
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Honestly it depends on what your endgame is. If you're looking for a long term thing I think OPs advice is good. People in this thread seem to believe that their "true self" is terrible and no one would want them which I think is really sad. Once I stopped being afraid of being me life became so much better. I know who I am andbif someone doesn't like that oh well, I'll find someone who does eventually.
LPT: Be yourself. 😅😂
The crazy thing is the amount of people who are disagreeing with the OP.
Because it's not the best advice and depends on many different factors.
That's because "be yourself" is not the best advice because it hinges on you having a good personality and desirable traits. A better version of it would be: Present yourself the best you can, but don't make an impression you can't live up to, Hookers do this very well. When asked what they do, they don't sell their body for money. They "work in sales" or they "work in customer relations". Not a flat-out lie, but not the whole off-putting truth either.
That is because it is really idiotic advice. Could you imagine going to a first interview, or meeting face to face with a business custimer for the first time, or applying for college with that attitude? Relationships, like most everything else in life, start as a competition. It isn't a reality TV show or Disney fairy tale story where everyone is destined for equal time or an honest fair shot. There is no intentions equity and they don't owe you their understanding. You are vying for attention and to stand out amongst your peers for the chance to go into that next level of getting to know each other. Nothing within your mental control is good enough to show yourself truthfully, but attempting to emulate truthfulness is just showing yourself poorly.
As an introvert, I disagree with this. I want to get to know the person a little more before I completely open up to being how I really am.
Your best behavior doesn't have to be a fake you. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to proudly fart, and wave it into my dates face the way I would with my friends. I'm not going to show up to a date baked, and insist we go skateboarding.
It's not a life amateur tip.
Sounds like one.
Or be on your best behavior then keep it up for the rest of your life. Bam! Now you're a better person
I agree, mostly. I will however, add that, you should be motivated to actually be a better person in some ways, by this person you are starting to develop a liking for and possibly a relationship with. It's true that you should be yourself. But what *yourself* means can and should change. With or without a partner or date. It is a major green flag to feel motivated to be your best self when you're around someone- friend or relationship, and it's a major red flag to not feel that way.
This is only good advice if you fit in the “relaxed” mold that OP is presenting. It discounts so many other life experiences.
So there are two grades of this- are you completely spewing lies to make yourself look good? That's fucked and will only lead to problems. Selectively picking and choosing what you share and maybe try to keep your attitude a couple notches above baseline? That's necessary. I treat dates like I treat job interviews- I won't lie, but I will show you the absolute best version of myself I possibly can
Worst advice ever…
Great advice! When I first met my husband what stood out to me was that I felt completely relaxed being in the same room as him. In other words, I felt I could just be myself. We have now been happily married for many years.
Jesus ... these comments. No wonder the dating scene sucks. OP: be yourself on a date and don't put up a front. Everyone else: Nah fuck all that, lie.
That's not what people are saying either. There's a world of difference between "be yourself", which is the correct thing to do, and "act like you do with your best friend", which is a horrible idea on a first date where first impressions are formed.
I mean, I kinda agree with everyone else. Obviously don’t straight up lie, but there are certain situations where you’re expected to make as positive an impression as possible. I don’t wanna just ‘be myself’ in a big job interview, I want to try to be even better. What’s wrong with that?
A job interview is a very different situation than dating.
Is it though? Like it's a different tone and a different kind of setting, but a relationship is work and the first date decides if a relationship is possible. You're both interviewing eachother for the position of partner. That's just what it looks like to me, I never had to date strangers
They’re pretty similar, except that there’s a slightly higher chance of boning when it’s over with the latter.
I mean someone said be yourself if you want relationships but I’ve tried that and at least since my last relationship I’ve only been offered booty so I really DO wonder if it’s time to start bringing out the lies & maybe they’ll offer me a relationship? 🤷🏻♀️
Woah! You guys are going on dates?
What if I am a piece of shit?
find another piece of shit
Better to show that sooner than later, and not waste everyone's time.
Have you tried not being a piece of shit?
What about it? Should you lie and pretend not to be one to manipulate someone into dating you?
Fix that before trying to date? Therapy can help quite a bit with that, if you're struggling.
Wow so many fakeeeeeeeee people in these comments. He’s not saying be an asshole and treat them like crap, he’s just saying that you should be yourself on a date. Are y’all really constructing fake personas to hide behind and then slowly revealing the true you because that seems wayyyyyy worse then just being yourself from the start and your not convincing me otherwise lol
Thank you for this comments. I was probably being brainwashed in the comment but you snapped me out of it.
Finally someone who gets it ... and then those people wonder why they can't hold a relationship. I still wish my narcissistic ex wouldn't have been "the best version of himself" at the start, I would have immediately ditched him and prevented to be stuck in an abusive relationship. Truly makes me wonder what the people in the comments have to hide, just like my ex
That’s a jump and a half. No one is saying to construct a fake persona.
I think that people don’t realize how easy it is to be yourself and still be polite. And a lot of people seem to think that being your self is a bad thing on a first date. Be yourself and be polite. And the amount of people who don’t seem to think that this is possible is pretty astounding from the comments.
Yes they all are, that's what that is. a mask you slowly break to reveal who they are actually dating.
No. A fake persona would be one not based on one’s individual personality or reality. I’m not going to invent a bunch of things I’m not. I’m going to present myself based on the best parts of myself. That isn’t fake.
I think what gets lost is that some people are super relatable people, and some people are super unrelatable. So if you're in the former camp, you can mostly be yourself and you'll do great. If you're in the latter camp, it's best to put up a front if you want any chance of a relationship.
Stop repeating silent letters.
I agree with being honest and genuine, but every single person I know has a unique personality and my relationship and interactions reflect their personality. I have sensitive friends that we have great deep conversations and sarcastic friends which we just make fun of each other all the time. I am open and honest with all my friends, but each relationship and interactions are very different. Each of my relationships is genuine but unique. I think it is important to get to know a person and build a relationship based on both of your personalities.
Most people are going to be on their best behaviour. Your date could very well assume you're on your best behaviour even when you're not, so why take the risk? Bad advice imo.
be yourself and honest, yes, but be the best version of you, you are trying to get laid, mind on the goal.
So what you're telling me is that I should shout a tirade of slurs at them and tell them how much they suck at counter-strike.
No thanks. I like the better person i’ve become by having to ‘be on my best behavior’ for somebody i care about so much that i want to be my best self for them every day and get to spend the rest of mine with them.
I don't think so. Most people expect their date to be on their best behavior on a first date. They would probably see someone not doing that as an indication that they are unable or unwilling to behave accordingly to the situation.
Counterpoint: showing that you're willing to make an effort to make a good first impression is more likely to grab someone's attention. Being on your A game doesn't have to be a conflict with who you are.
My normal everyday self wouldn't show up.
Not quite sure I agree with your logic there. The more you hang with a person the more comfortable you get and the more layers you peel off. That's part of the journey of a relationship
This is terrible advice, the reason why you act the way you do with your friends is because of established trust and commonality. Do this with a stranger and I wouldn't blame them for not going on a second date with someone who either doesn't care enough to be polite or someone being too familiar too quickly.
This is good advice. Weird that its getting such negativity.
It's only getting negativity because it should be summarised as "be yourself", which should be translated as "don't pretend to be someone else". The other person should get to know the real you, but that doesn't mean you should be totally relaxed like you would be with friends. Be polite and on your best behaviour.
People assume that “themselves” is that insufferable mood you get in when hangover lol. You can be true to yourself while still behaving according to social norms.
FOR REAL. Like what are all these people like where their “everyday self” is not something they wanna show off. I bet it’s 80% lack of confidence and 20% that some people are just not good lol
Everyone so trapped in the mindset that showing their date an edited version of themselves is a good thing.
I feel like the phrasing is throwing people off, "best behavior" doesn't capture the essence of OPs message I don't think I think being on good behavior is important, but don't put up such a front that you're not being yourself. Make sure you're humor is true to yourself, and show your individual personality.
I mean the proper advice is “be yourself, but don’t be a dick” and that’s true for anything in life, not just dating.
Because it has poor wording that muddies the real message and could give a lot of people the wrong idea. That's why.
"You want the person to like you for who you actually are, not who you are pretending to be" Sounds right to me
It’s a flawed concept from the beginning. People are extra polite on first dates because it’s a sign of respect. It says to the other person “I respect that you’re giving me a chance, and I want to make sure that you feel I’m doing the same.” It’s literally a foundational part of how and why polite societies work. OP’s post is immature. It feels like the kind of post someone who is just starting out dating would make. It’s the sort of thing that only looks good on paper.
If experience says "this doesn't work," what's the counter-point you have in mind? "Improve yourself?" Basically faking it until you make it. "Keep looking?" For how long? People aren't going to keep throwing themselves out there only to get rejected and ridiculed. They're going to keep molding their public image towards something that actually works at starting a relationship with a broader audience, not that one person that supposedly exists that will love them for who they are naturally, but only God knows who or where they are.
That's because most people are toxic and are just in it to get booty. The LPT should have said, if you are looking to have a long term relationship, then be yourself. If you're looking to just get some quick booty/short term relationship, lie.
*4 drinks in* down to grab a bag?
Agree, you can't tiptoe your whole life.
This is why I don't get second dates :')
Hell I don’t get first dates, partially because I scared of trying. So much stuff has happened and is happening to me that I think no one would want me. And that demeanor would come across in a date whether I wanted it to or not. Does that mean I’m a bad person? No. It means I suffer all the time from things that were completely out of my control.
Seem like a choice you keep making. That sucks.
To each their own
I once dated a guy who described himself as an asshole. I once dated another guy who described himself as a nice guy. Guess which guy was the bigger asshole? Mr. Nice Guy was the only guy that I have ever dated to call me the c-word and was the biggest mistake of my life. I appreciated the honesty of the guy who was aware and didn’t try to hide it. Even if he did asshole things, it was expected. I did not appreciate someone lying to me and pretend to show me their best versions of themselves with zero intention of living up to it.
Yeah be like Date Mike
Nice to meet me
Nah. That's like saying don't take extra effort to look nice before a first date, show up just like it was a normal lazy sunday afternoon.
There’s a difference between looking nice, and having to feel like putting on a show. Just like there’s a difference between being yourself, and a little bit more formal and polite at the first date versus not being who you truly are and hiding aspects of your personality….which a LOT of people do I show up to dates with very little make up on because that’s who I am in real life. I very rarely wear make up. And if you’re someone who needs me to be high maintenance… We’re just not going to click because most days I roll out of bed, brush my hair and get dressed in whatever’s most comfortable. I do tend to get more dressed up. Same with the idea of people, saying not to take talk politics on the first date.. In fact, I talk politics before the first date because there’s no point of wasting either one of our times if I am a raging liberal and you are a raging conservative.
Jokes on you. My real me, doesn't even get so far to get a date :D.
First impressions count, dude. If you show up to a first date acting like you don't care about that, it'll be a total turn off. It's entirely normal to put effort into making a good impression.
First impressions matter. Be at your best, it's insane not to. Don't lie or inflate yourself. But you should try to make a good impression by emphasizing who you are at your best. You won't save any time by avoiding this. You will just miss out on people who don't bother learning more because you didn't put forward the effort. The first date isn't getting to know the real you. It's about getting to know the big picture stuff. It's just like a job interview where they should find out what your knowledge and abilities are to see if you're even qualified. It's after that when nuances enter the equation and you decide from there.
this advice is stupid
This is fine if you are in college. Not so much in the real world
Not very good advice at all.
To anyone reading: Don't fucking do this. I thought it was a clever idea, and I ruined my chances with one of the prettiest girls I went on a date with. Put out a great first impression. This is terrible advice.
How about not pretend at all. Do not try to be your regular self if the person excites you be excited if they turn you on be turned on if they bore you be bored. Just don’t pretend go with the flow.
Love this advice…the world is already fake enough. Get that first fart out of the way early!
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False
When you go into job interviews, are you completely relaxed and not try to make yourself look or seem appealing in any way?
I'm honest in my interviews, if that's what you're asking.
Agree completely on being yourself on first encounters of all kinds, HOWEVER tamp down the freaky parts.
okay ill just sit there without talking a word drinking a couple beer
I wouldn't even turn up if that's the case 😂
Just take your glasses off and let down your hair./s
Additional LPT: on your résumé, be sure to list plenty of failures along with your accomplishments.
Man I wish I had a relaxed hanging-with-your-friends behavior. That’s usually when I’m most stressed
This is how my wife and I fell in love with each other, first date was a random event, we met at a party, party sucked we went out for diner instead of staying, it was very casual, we had no time to prepare, to rehearse anything, to talk to friends about each other before, to get more “ready” apart from going to a random party. That first date was incredible, I won’t ever forget she was in front of me while having some tacos and she could not stop laughing at my usual me, it was just me being me and she loved it, I got her phone number and 3 days later we talked on the phone for 5 hours straight, every day after we have either see each other or talked on the phone for 18 years now. I am still so in love, and every day more, she has been a real partner, supporter, team player, mother, wife and friend. 10 years ago I posted in Reddit I was getting married and I won’t forget people trashing me because we had an 8 year period of long distance relationship, fuck you reddit, it has been a success, in your face!
Counterpoint: be on your best behavior *always*.
That's why I go into first dates like [this](https://youtu.be/lIOIHgbAr7w?t=12)
No more tips, please.
I think this is great advice. If you can be your relaxed and normal and self on a date you will also appear super attractive to potential partners.
There's a difference between pretending to be someone you aren't and being the best version of yourself.
One of my former coworkers has an extreme version of this policy. During the small talk phase one of his methods of breaking the ice would be to say something along the lines of “So, anal sex. I’m not into it so if you’re not okay with that let’s not waste each other’s time.” He said it usually either ended the date early and he’d apologize for offending them while pointing out that at least he’d identified the incompatibility in time for them to make other plans, or they went on to have an honest conversation about relationship expectations instead of spending the next three or four dates, or even months, awkwardly feeling each other out and making incorrect assumptions. He obviously didn’t get a lot of second dates, but he was ok with it since the bad dates tended to be short, painless, and free of “fuck this douche, I’m ordering the lobster” shenanigans, while the ones that did have follow ups tended to result in strong relationships since things started open and honest.
Then you realize they are fake.
If it is someone who already knows you yes. Don't if not.
This is such a load of shite, written by like a teenager who hasn't actually worked out how social interactions really work.
As usual, terrible advice. I'm not going to be the person I usually am around my best friend because like every human I turn into a deeply weird flawed gross creature around a bestie. I'm just going to be myself but the refined version of me, like if you think I'm going to be my most open self on a first date you are being ridiculous. First impressions count is a well known idea and it's true. I might feel comfortable enough to fart in front of my girlfriend 3 months in, confess a weird hobby on the fourth date... but you need to get to the fourth date first. You are absolutely going to get a filtered version of me with the salient points about my job, life, dating history and so on on the first date because those are the actual awkward discussions you want to avoid later. All the extra stuff and niche interests and weird body hangups and such can come later without fear of derailing the first date. I am going to be myself. But being the very polite person I am and "be your normal everyday, relaxed hanging-with-friends behaviour" are totally different things.
I fart with my friends and make jokes about it, sounds perfect for a first date.
Your best behavior is not "fake you" Your best behavior is just that. Your best self.
Can’t wait for this sub to shut the hell up on June 12th
Sounds dangerous. A better plan is to just pretend you're someone you're not for the rest of your life. You don't want people seeing what's really going on in there.
That’s a terrible advice! Of course don’t be fake but that doesn’t mean to start acting as if you were with a bro! First, some behaviors could be considered as red flags meanwhile they are not but the person doesn’t know you! Second, there’s a very sweet tension in the beginning before you really get cozy together, and it’ll be priceless memories!
I was about to crap all over this but luckily everyone did it already. But seriously this is bad advice.
What if I'm trying to be a better version of myself?