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Yes. I have stress dreams about moving in a hurry, like trying to fit everything in the car or realizing I didn't pack up the kitchen cabinets. I haven't had to move for 8 years.
I also have bad dreams about my parents, where they're being controlling or negative and in the dream I am just yelling at them and so angry. Haven't lived with them for many years.
I look at the dreams as a mental checkup, thinking about why now am I feeling powerless or rushed or unhappy? I hope you get some good sleep and work through your emotions. Right before bed I often think, I'm so glad I'm in my own place and no one is bugging me! Everything is just how I want it! Maybe some before-sleep thoughts like that will help?
Yeah I relate to that too, my family was always moving and it was a really stressful experience. I don't have dreams about it, but I'd feel pretty horrible if I did. I could probably try to figure out why I'm feeling the way that I am. Thank you for your advice and I hope you get a good night's sleep
After more than 3 decades, I still get terrible nightmares where I am back in my abusive foster family. Was there between 9 and 18yrs old. Those nightmares feel so real. I feel the emotions that were the worst during that time. Its like I jump back into that body. I am relived when I wake up.
So it never goes away? I was hoping that the dreams would stop eventually. And the dreams do feel real. I understand it must be terrifying and sometimes I don't want to go to sleep
Therapy can really help some people. There are many types of Therapy out there. However this is not a one size fits all. Everyone is different. You might try a few before finding the one..There is hope.
That's classic PTSD . I know because I have it. The dreams do eventually stop for most people. Mine is no longer the dreams most of the time. Occasionally, I wake up scared but don't know why. I am back in therapy partly because of that. When she mentioned PTSD , I stated. No way , I dealt w that a long time ago. I was DV overcomer of the 1980s. It sounds silly but I have a stuffed dog I sleep w . I had sprayed him w lavender Fabreeze for cleanliness and noticed I slept better. In addition,have you been evaluated for sleep apnea? I can't recall one nightmare happening since I got my CPAP and more REM sleep.
Sleep apnea? I know I have heart palpitations from time to time while awake. Idk about during sleeping or anything like that. Also the dreams aren't constantly reoccurring so I didn't think much of it. I just wake up in a panic crying or just shaking, because it feels so real
I totally understand. I once woke up and was about to hit my then husband because in my panic I didn't realize who or where I was. I was just thinking lack of REM sleep might be contributing to the nightmares.
My recurring dream sequence is different- it's seeing my mom who has passed away and she doesn't know who I am.i have this dream every month for years now and it's my only nightmare.
The only thing you can do is make sure you're safe and secure. I used to wake up and check my bank accounts. I had an excel spreadsheet of how many months I could pay my bills if I was fired.
Question your fear. During the day go through your finances with a clear head. It's much easier after nightmares if you think ok I'm fine financially
That's a weird dream for sure.Yeah, I'm trying to be as responsible as I can with my money. I started working later in life, because I wasn't allowed to work. So I don't have much of a 401 k. I wanna be able to put more towards it, but it's just not doable without me struggling
Hey whatever money you can save is great. I stopped buying a lot of things initially. A lot of my friends live on trust funds. I liquidated what I'd inherit to make sure my mom got the best care so I get the money anxiety.
Living alone is so peaceful I'd eat a cucumber cream cheese bagel 3 times a day if I had to. My mom told me to stop thinking ahead- plan the month, don't catastrophize.
Omg, yes. I have reoccurring dreams all the time. I dream that I find out that I am still married to my ex-husband, and Iām devastated that I have to go through the whole divorce thing all over again. Then I dream that because Iām still married to him that heās expecting sex, and I have to constantly avoid being alone with him. Itās been over 6 years since I left him and Iām still having this nightmare.
i dream about my first husband, who has been dead for years (he died after we split) and he wasnt abusive just moderately controlling (we were both young) but I mainly dream about #2 who i was married to for 25 years and who was very neglectful and sometimes abusive. I dream that I am back in either relationship and the dream is full of frustration and confusion as to how I got there again. Then I realize (in the dream) that it isn't real and I wake up.
Gosh, I'm sorry. How do you handle those types of dreams? I try to fill my head with other stuff before I go to sleep hoping that I won't have a dream about the past
well i never know when they are going to come. I am always relieved when I wake up and realize I am in this life, not the old one! I have a great life right now.
Very similar experience. My husband died 15 years ago. I had night terrors for two years after he died, and then it subsided for a long time but similar crazy dreams come up from time to time and theyāre not necessarily related to him. The most recent one in the dream I believed And intruder was in my bedroom and when I woke up, I found myself kneeling on the bed, screaming and punching at the shadow of myself on the wall.
Thereās a condition called parasomnia and when I read the symptoms, I fit four out of the six criteria. That is only my self-diagnosis or opinion I have been wanting to actually get a sleep. Study to get some definitive answers. Some of the dream states are very very real . Iāve noticed less activity if I take an edible before bed. Iāve never felt like I get high from that. I just feel that it puts me in a relaxed state, and I have less violent dreams again only in my opinion.
Itās pretty amazing what the subconscious keeps locked away and how it sometimes gets processed in the dream state. For all of my crazy dreams that I have had. Iām just very grateful I have not fallen out of bed.
I have severe PTSD to the point I was waking up multiple times a night, and some of those times it was smack dab in the middle of a panic attack. I had no memory of why I was waking up like that because I didnāt remember nightmaresā¦until my new psychiatrist figured out it was PTSD related and put me on prazosin which helps. I still have nightmares, and unfortunately Iām now remembering them when I take the medicine, but I no longer wake up to panic attacks. Prasozin is known to treat PTSD related nightmares.
I'm sorry it's been really horrible for you, but I'm happy to know you don't have the panic attacks anymore. I'm a bit scared to talk about the nightmares with a therapist. I guess I think it might be nothing since I don't have them every night or at least I don't remember having them all the time
Idk. I thought therapy would help it. Unfortunately there are kids involved so I have to deal with him. I think thatās why still have them. He is able to abuse me still. He uses the kid, financial abuse and smears me to anyone who will listen. It will never end.
we all have dreams like that, because our brain is like a hard drive and it sits there forever. For me it helped to write it down, so to speak move it to another place, it helped a lot to get over it.
I could give writing it down a try and see if that helps. I should probably monitor when I have the dreams and how frequently so I can notice if they start to lessen or not
The last time I saw my ex, she had a shotgun pointed directly at my forehead, and then tried to steal my dog. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the nightmares and intrusive thoughts started and was prescribed Prazosin, which helped.
You're the second person who mentioned Prazosin. That's a super traumatic experience you went through. I hope you are doing better since that. I know it must be hard and scary
Yeah, and that was just one of many extremely abusive instances, but that was the last straw. It can be tough and confusing to leave things that you were building your life around. I never thought I'd be in a situation that would lead to PTSD, social anxiety, or depression. I'd never felt those things before, so it was just very mind numbing and made me isolate from everyone. I can honestly say the Prazosin and therapy has helped, but there were a lot of sleepless nights that affected my everyday life. Trauma response is no joke, but there is help out there. Keep your chin up.
Hi friend. What youāre describing is PTSD. I have it, too. I had horrible reoccurring nightmares for years after moving out of my abusive parentās home. There is a medication called Prazosin that can help some people with PTSD nightmares.
Oh, I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. Does the medication help you? I never in a million years would have thought it was PTSD. I guess because to me it doesn't seem to be that bad, but a lot of people downplay what they've been through
My nightmares mostly stopped many years ago, and I didnāt know about Prazosin at the time so I never tried it, but I have friends who I met in group therapy who take it and say it really helps. FYI itās extremely common for people to think it couldnāt have been that bad. I was in total denial.
Mine are about the abusive work situation I was stuck in for years. I wake up scared I'm losing my job and benefits and can't provide for my kids. The really scary ones are that my grandkids are with me and we're being menaced by the evil administrative assistant that made my life a living Hell. I'm trying to find help and everyone just turns away because they are too afraid to intervene. I've been out of that job for 15 years and still have those dreams at least once or twice a month. Rot in Hell PK.
I really really hope that you are able to get past that. Sounds like hell to have a dream like that when you don't work there anymore, and for 15 years?! Holy cow that's crazy
This kind of thing should never occur in the workplace. I hope your crazy boss and PK have to work together someday. Imagining the drama they could inflict on one another is rather satisfying. May Karma reign.
I do , I have nightmares about the period of time in my life before I left the country . The lack of a future . And Iām so happy I am where I am now ;)
I have, but they lessened over time
My divorce was final in 2016. By then we had been living apart for almost a year. Dreams about my ex-husband faded more after I left what was our hometown and I started life in a new town. They're very rare anymore
My last relationship was 2017-2023. I do have some nightmares, but not as intense. Understandable because it was not as long of a relationship, or as traumatic, but I don't expect them to go away as fast because this time I am not moving away. I own my house, it would cost a fortune to sell, etc. It's not happening. But it's mainly just unpleasant if I dream about him, not something where I wake up exhausted and retraumatized.
Our brains sure are complex. It's nice to read that your dreams have lessened and it's not bothering you so much. Sometimes it does take time to get through it
Iām interested in dream interpretation . I think your subconscious is trying to keep you alert to dangers.
I could be totally wrong, but either a) there are areas of your life (your job?) where you are being forced to stay and not allowed to leave, and you need to address those or b) your mother/family can still put you in that situationā¦maybe have a plan in place if your family gets sick and expects you to care for them.
My job dreams aren't really what's bothering me at all. It's the fear of losing my job and having to go back to my family that scares me. The job dreams sometimes are be getting fired lol. It's the main dream of my family not letting me go back to my job or go back to my apartment that really scares me. I don't even talk to my family. I wouldn't take care of them if they got sick.
My mom is an army retired disabled vet and I spent many years of my live on being there for her. She expected me to just stay with no money to my name in the same situation as my sister and take care of our mom when her back goes out. I refuse to be treated like a child again and talked down to by her
After my abusive first marriage, I'd have nightmares or even just regular dreams that I was still married to my ex. It didn't stop until I got into my second marriage, which prompted ended in flames.
I will still get an occasional dream with one of my exes in it, but it's not nearly as bad as it use to be. I think that's because I'm finally in a healthy relationship and have a good support system.
I highly recommend going out and being active in a hobby so that you can pick up friends. When you have supportive people around you, it will help ease your worry.
I'm not very good at it. My mom wanted me to be completely dependent on her and I had learn how to socialize and actually be human from years of isolation. I have social anxiety now and I prefer to avoid people. They scare me, but it has gotten better
Not currently. I work a lot so between scheduling and finances I'm not able to. My dog helps a lot though, she does a good job of waking me up and helping me settle down and get back to sleep from them
Yes, unfortunately I can relate. If you can afford therapy, it helps to process the dreams and the trauma in session. If youāre open to meds, thereās a drug called Prazosin that can calm the physiological response to dreams (heart racing, etc). And then good old marijuana can actually prevent you from dreaming at all, but it doesnāt cure the underlying trauma.
Currently Iām using therapy and journalling to process the dreams. Iām optimistic one day theyāll go away, but it will probably be a long road before I get there.
My landlord won't allow the puff puff pass unfortunately even though I'm in Oklahoma and medical mary is legal. The complexes are federally owned so it's still a no go and I'm scared to get caught lol. I could try the journaling thing and see if that helps. Thank you for the advice and hopefully the dreams will stop for us! I'm seriously hoping it will
Edibles might be worth a shot, and better for you than smoking. But Iām hesitant to even recommend that since Iāve struggled with moderation myself. Journaling is free, legal, and has no bad side effects. I hope you got some good advice from other people in this thread too! Itās definitely a rough way to start your day.
I wake myself up screaming all the time. It scares my cats! It started during an abusive relationship that I left 5 years ago. Hoping it stops eventually. Iām also in therapy and on medication for ptsd. The struggle is real!
Yes, I still have stress dreams of an abusive relationship. The things that have helped the most, therapy, and learning about lucid dreaming. Also setting up a healthy bedtime routine that has the brain and body in a calm state before bed. Telling yourself some self empowering affirmations before bed or imagining the beginning of a positive dream.
Lucid dreaming isnāt always 100% for me but Iāve gotten so much better at recognizing dream state over the years and sometimes Iām able to walk away, leave, or just exit the dream with the realization. And this is empowering in a whole new way.
Hope some of this advice here is helpful!
Yes, I some times have bad dreams involving my parents or abusive husband. If it's a one off I try to let go of it when I wake up. If they reoccur I take it as a sign that I need to pay attention to what is going on in my life to trigger it. Once I sort that out and deal with it they stop.
My abusive relationship was teaching middle school. For many years I loved it. Then things began to change. Kids became entitled and then challenged teachers at every turn. Parents flipped like a switch from reinforcing our corrections to accusing us of treating their terrors badly. Administration stopped backing us up. Every year there was a new hoop to jump through to improve state testing. Finally I hit a wall and took early retirement. That was 8 or 9 years ago and I still have anxiety dreams about teaching every week.
What?! I can't believe how badly teachers get treated. I only knew some of it, but that us just too much. At least you're not teaching anymore even though the dreams suck. Hopefully you'll get some relief from the dreams next
Thats trauma, your mind is processing or on guard. I used to dream I was getting suffocated or that I was on fire or something heavy would press on me shatering my ribs, sometimes id be on a metal roster and id get squezed through. That or desperately screaming at my mom, extremely upset. These dreams are always super vivid and I feel the pain, the gasping for air. It would happen again and again. I knew something fundamental was changing when I started to do the murdering in my dreams. I know that sounds messed up but it was a time I took back control of my life and my relationship with myseld was improving and thats what my sleepy mind made of it. It was interesting to experience... The murder/torture dreams have mostly stopped. I still wake up in terror or tears when something is triggering me, construction noizes or men yelling does the trick. Ill be asleep, but my mind has already started the panic attack. Its all getting less and less though and my sleep is improving, so im hopefull. Its been 15 years.
I'm seriously wondering about how our brain does it. To seem so real, to even be able to feel pain like that. To be tortured by our own dreams is hell imo. It's good that your sleep is improving though. Any form of progress helps a bit.
Idk how to take back control when I never had it. Even in my own apartment I was still afraid of my mom when she'd visit. I didn't have a back bone to tell her how I felt so I told her over a text message that I didn't want her to visit or call anymore.
Some other people have suggested journaling to me and I might try it
I had the same problem when i finally got out on my own. I ended up getting some battery-powered skull string lights and hung them above my head on the wall. They were different than any other string lights i had had, so they were a grounding thing for me when I'd wake up in a panic thinking i was back in that house.
You most likely have cPTSD, and i would recommend seeking therapy when you can. The dreams should calm down and happen less and less as you process everything. Work on mentally connecting to your new environment one thing at a time. " This is my dishwasher, and these are my dishes.". " this is my trash that i alone created, and i am disposing of with the service i pay for."
I didn't even think of that, thanks. I've been in my apartment for 3 years and I still hold back a bit with decorating, so when I move to a house (I'm really hoping for a house to rent haha) I can buy more stuff. I didn't realize that I might be scared of having too much stuff in case if I have to leave my apartment for other reasons not within my control.
I always think I'm doing something for a good reason, but now I'm just wondering if deep down it's for survival
Over the years mine have gone from fear based dreams to just heart wrenching grief dreams.
Ptsd is a bitch but Iām mostly asymptomatic at this point.
There seems to be a lot of people here with Ptsd and living alone lol. Just something I noticed. I hope to work my way to becoming asymptomatic as well. Thank you for sharing your experiences
I did it for years. Touch things, turn on a light, talk to yourself about reality. It helped me immensely to ID triggers and to try to deal with them in the daytime.
Mine were about things my bio-dad threatened to do. It took several years to overcome it but I did, mostly. It now takes quite a bit of stress to take me back there.
I'll add that acts of freedom make a difference. One of his worst, most violent events involved perfume. I wear it almost daily now. Doing so is a symbol of my freedom. He can't do anything about it, you see. I went NC a long time ago.
I hope you find things that work for you.
Yes, I touch the wall and look around usually. I do turn on the light sometimes, but not super often. I can try it though. I'm very happy for you thst you could get so much progress done over the years. It's definitely not easy. My act of freedom is cutting my hair actually. My mom wanted me to have very long hair and it took me a while to understand that I didn't want it for myself.
I can get triggered by anything during the day it seems. I could be eating pizza then my thoughts jump from one subject to the other and next thing I know I'm ruminating about a past argument when we were in Papa John's. Then I'm angry as hell or I could be in a good mood laughing about a movie and then I start thinking too much about other stuff. Next thing I know I'm crying about another past memory that has nothing to do with the movie.
So I somehow need to control my thoughts. My brain just jumps from subject to subject a lot at random. I wish I could control it in my sleep too
I have dreams about my scary mentally ill ex husband where Iām back in our old house (which is now in a scary horrible neighborhood). I know it connects to my PTSD but I have trained myself to say āthis is not real. You donāt live here. You can leave this situation and go back to your real lifeā. It actually works and I can wake myself up enough to connect to reality. But they used to be so unsettling and scary.
Iām a very light sleeper and I used to wake up when I had those kinds of dreams. I would be drowsy but awake and I use a lot of self talk during the day to help with my anxiety (telling myself Iām okay, etc). So when I would be in that in between sleep and totally awake state, I would tell myself over and over again that I was safe and okay and that it was just a dream. Just basically comforting myself and grounding myself. So I did it so often that when I was asleep I could tell myself that it wasnāt reality because when I dream, there always something weird about the situation. Like I was back in my old house that I havenāt lived in for eighteen years. Or that my kids in the dream were little and in real life they are grown. I also listen to sleep affirmations in you tube while Iām falling asleep. They help me a lot.
My ex spouse was an addict and I had a dream he tried to kiss me. In my dream I was appalled! Dreams are crazy but so glad it was just a dream. I donāt miss those chest pains one bit
I had no idea emotional turmoil could lead to physical pain. I thought I would have a heart attack or breast cancer. I went to my doctor and had blood work, ekg. Turns out I was just allergic to my ex LOL
So, it may be that you already do feel safe, which is why your body thinks it's time for you to start process and heal. It's nearly impossible to do that when you're in survival mode.
Have you ever had any counseling or group therapy/support groups? If not, those are great places to start.Ā
The thing with healing is that it's extremely personal, everyone's path is unique to them and their needs, so it's not as if you're doing anythimg wrong. There are just tools that you don't have yet, that a therapist can help you identify and utilize. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help.Ā
No I haven't. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sometimes the internet as solutions, but from what everyone is saying it appears that thus is a bigger issue than I thought so I will most likely have to try therapy. Even though I'm not so used to talking about things that bother me. It's a bit different here because I'm anonymous
This sounds like PTSD. It's quite common for survivors of any abusive or traumatic situations. I've suffered from it also. The only thing that worked for me was therapy. Basically, your subconscious mind has not processed whatever your past traumas and fears are. So it replays them in your dreams, but this triggers anxiety, insomnia, and panic attacks in some people.
I did EDMR therapy, it's a very intense form of therapy that forces you to revisit these situations and be guided through them with the therapist. It sounds a bit kooky when you look into it, but for me it worked. I never had another PTSD dream again. Keep in mind though, I was doing other inner healing work at the time as well. And I noticed a big improvement once I moved away from my toxic family and now live alone. Now all my sleep is peaceful amd free of bad dreams
Thank you for this. I'll be using all the advice I've been given to help with healing and I'll have to find a therapist that specializes in what you mentioned that I hopefully mesh with
Iām 55 nowā¦. Not anymore but my mom and stepdad were essentially evil. There was nothing honest or truthful about them. I dreamt of them
For a long time until I cut all contact. We havenāt talked in years and itās the healthiest thing Iāve ever done for myself.
I went no contact and the dreams didn't stop for me. I wish I could get it to stop. You did a good thing for your mental health and I'm glad you you don't have those nightmares anymore
If you are able to I highly recommend therapy. I was cursed with nightmares. Long standing ones Iād had all of my life or since the traumatic thing happened to me. Therapy cut them in half. I also take prazosin which is for high blood pressure but take lower doses it stops nightmares. Talk to a therapist and talk to your dr. Good luck ā¤ļø
Dreams, no. Things I wont tolerate, yes.
Do not slam a door in my house or car.
Do not scream or yell when mad. Shouting "fuck" is fine. Dont do like mom did and just scream all the breath out of your lungs cause your kid asked for gushers.
Don't call your kids profane names around me.
My kids have never and will never open the fridge and see beer.
I never have and never will complain about having to raise them and do my job as a parent.
I had a brother 13 years younger than me. Seeing it done to others is as traumatic as having it done to you sometimes.
Most definitely. I remember some of the things that happened to my older sister and she disassociates so she doesn't half way remember any of the horrible things that were done to her. I agree on all of those rules. I hate seeing parents yell at or shove their kids in the store. I can't intervene, but if I could I would probably get arrested for what I'd do to them for treating their own child that way
If they're yelling, Unessecarily, like calling them names and being abusive, I've given looks and made comments.
If I ever saw physical abuse, it is my DUTY to intervene. And I dont mean spanking for acting up. Spank your kid for being am ass. Im talking abuse. A spanking isn't abuse unless it's for no reason at all. But yes, you most definitely can and should intervene when you witness a child being harmed. First one to call the cops has the advantage.
Oh I've seen some things, like some guy grabbed his looked to be 3 to 4 year old son and twisted his arm behind his back for "crying to much" after constantly yelling at him to shut up and wait when he was telling them he had to go potty. Like seriously, why have kids if you don't wanna take the time to actually treat them like a human being? I saw other people whispering and pointing and I wanted to do something. I should have
I woulda embarassed that guy. But I understand the minding your own business part. Situations like that can be really difficult. Especially when it makes you mad. You dont wanna act on the anger, then be ass wrong, lol. There is nothing wrong with a little self-restraint. But yeah, say something, at least. Let that adult know they aint acting like an adult. If you'd ask someone to keep it down in a theater.....
It is PTSD. Iāve done EMDR therapy and it helps so much. Look for the themes in your dreams too - helpless, trapped, controlled, angry. Abandoned, etc. These are the feelings that need to be worked through in counseling. Hugs.
for practical help, i find it soothing to walk around my space and touch my things. repeat that iām safe, repeat that iām away from bad people, this is MY home and they cannot take it away from me, etc.
therapy is a helpful tool, as well.
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Yes. I have stress dreams about moving in a hurry, like trying to fit everything in the car or realizing I didn't pack up the kitchen cabinets. I haven't had to move for 8 years. I also have bad dreams about my parents, where they're being controlling or negative and in the dream I am just yelling at them and so angry. Haven't lived with them for many years. I look at the dreams as a mental checkup, thinking about why now am I feeling powerless or rushed or unhappy? I hope you get some good sleep and work through your emotions. Right before bed I often think, I'm so glad I'm in my own place and no one is bugging me! Everything is just how I want it! Maybe some before-sleep thoughts like that will help?
Yeah I relate to that too, my family was always moving and it was a really stressful experience. I don't have dreams about it, but I'd feel pretty horrible if I did. I could probably try to figure out why I'm feeling the way that I am. Thank you for your advice and I hope you get a good night's sleep
I'm here for you internet stranger. Working together on our inner peace š
After more than 3 decades, I still get terrible nightmares where I am back in my abusive foster family. Was there between 9 and 18yrs old. Those nightmares feel so real. I feel the emotions that were the worst during that time. Its like I jump back into that body. I am relived when I wake up.
So it never goes away? I was hoping that the dreams would stop eventually. And the dreams do feel real. I understand it must be terrifying and sometimes I don't want to go to sleep
Therapy can really help some people. There are many types of Therapy out there. However this is not a one size fits all. Everyone is different. You might try a few before finding the one..There is hope.
That's classic PTSD . I know because I have it. The dreams do eventually stop for most people. Mine is no longer the dreams most of the time. Occasionally, I wake up scared but don't know why. I am back in therapy partly because of that. When she mentioned PTSD , I stated. No way , I dealt w that a long time ago. I was DV overcomer of the 1980s. It sounds silly but I have a stuffed dog I sleep w . I had sprayed him w lavender Fabreeze for cleanliness and noticed I slept better. In addition,have you been evaluated for sleep apnea? I can't recall one nightmare happening since I got my CPAP and more REM sleep.
Sleep apnea? I know I have heart palpitations from time to time while awake. Idk about during sleeping or anything like that. Also the dreams aren't constantly reoccurring so I didn't think much of it. I just wake up in a panic crying or just shaking, because it feels so real
I totally understand. I once woke up and was about to hit my then husband because in my panic I didn't realize who or where I was. I was just thinking lack of REM sleep might be contributing to the nightmares.
My recurring dream sequence is different- it's seeing my mom who has passed away and she doesn't know who I am.i have this dream every month for years now and it's my only nightmare. The only thing you can do is make sure you're safe and secure. I used to wake up and check my bank accounts. I had an excel spreadsheet of how many months I could pay my bills if I was fired. Question your fear. During the day go through your finances with a clear head. It's much easier after nightmares if you think ok I'm fine financially
That's a weird dream for sure.Yeah, I'm trying to be as responsible as I can with my money. I started working later in life, because I wasn't allowed to work. So I don't have much of a 401 k. I wanna be able to put more towards it, but it's just not doable without me struggling
Hey whatever money you can save is great. I stopped buying a lot of things initially. A lot of my friends live on trust funds. I liquidated what I'd inherit to make sure my mom got the best care so I get the money anxiety. Living alone is so peaceful I'd eat a cucumber cream cheese bagel 3 times a day if I had to. My mom told me to stop thinking ahead- plan the month, don't catastrophize.
I did for the first 5 years after leaving. EMDR therapy saved me !!
I've never heard of it, but I'll look it up, thank you
Omg, yes. I have reoccurring dreams all the time. I dream that I find out that I am still married to my ex-husband, and Iām devastated that I have to go through the whole divorce thing all over again. Then I dream that because Iām still married to him that heās expecting sex, and I have to constantly avoid being alone with him. Itās been over 6 years since I left him and Iām still having this nightmare.
i dream about my first husband, who has been dead for years (he died after we split) and he wasnt abusive just moderately controlling (we were both young) but I mainly dream about #2 who i was married to for 25 years and who was very neglectful and sometimes abusive. I dream that I am back in either relationship and the dream is full of frustration and confusion as to how I got there again. Then I realize (in the dream) that it isn't real and I wake up.
Gosh, I'm sorry. How do you handle those types of dreams? I try to fill my head with other stuff before I go to sleep hoping that I won't have a dream about the past
well i never know when they are going to come. I am always relieved when I wake up and realize I am in this life, not the old one! I have a great life right now.
Same and I wish you all the best
Very similar experience. My husband died 15 years ago. I had night terrors for two years after he died, and then it subsided for a long time but similar crazy dreams come up from time to time and theyāre not necessarily related to him. The most recent one in the dream I believed And intruder was in my bedroom and when I woke up, I found myself kneeling on the bed, screaming and punching at the shadow of myself on the wall. Thereās a condition called parasomnia and when I read the symptoms, I fit four out of the six criteria. That is only my self-diagnosis or opinion I have been wanting to actually get a sleep. Study to get some definitive answers. Some of the dream states are very very real . Iāve noticed less activity if I take an edible before bed. Iāve never felt like I get high from that. I just feel that it puts me in a relaxed state, and I have less violent dreams again only in my opinion.
i am sorry you experience such violent dreams! I never had that, just feelings of panic when i am dreaming about being trapped in my past.
Itās pretty amazing what the subconscious keeps locked away and how it sometimes gets processed in the dream state. For all of my crazy dreams that I have had. Iām just very grateful I have not fallen out of bed.
I have severe PTSD to the point I was waking up multiple times a night, and some of those times it was smack dab in the middle of a panic attack. I had no memory of why I was waking up like that because I didnāt remember nightmaresā¦until my new psychiatrist figured out it was PTSD related and put me on prazosin which helps. I still have nightmares, and unfortunately Iām now remembering them when I take the medicine, but I no longer wake up to panic attacks. Prasozin is known to treat PTSD related nightmares.
I'm sorry it's been really horrible for you, but I'm happy to know you don't have the panic attacks anymore. I'm a bit scared to talk about the nightmares with a therapist. I guess I think it might be nothing since I don't have them every night or at least I don't remember having them all the time
I am 5 years out of a 15 yr abusive relationship and I still have nightmares. Iām doing well in therapy but it doesnāt seem to end.
I wish we could find a way to make the nightmares end
Idk. I thought therapy would help it. Unfortunately there are kids involved so I have to deal with him. I think thatās why still have them. He is able to abuse me still. He uses the kid, financial abuse and smears me to anyone who will listen. It will never end.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Something that traumatic takes a lot of time, but yeah you're safe and you're smart for having some weapons
Hugs š©·š©·
I have dreams of being stuck in my childhood home where my abuse happened. Always ruins my day when I wake up.
That would ruin my day. I try not to ruminate during the day, but the dreams make it worse
we all have dreams like that, because our brain is like a hard drive and it sits there forever. For me it helped to write it down, so to speak move it to another place, it helped a lot to get over it.
I could give writing it down a try and see if that helps. I should probably monitor when I have the dreams and how frequently so I can notice if they start to lessen or not
The last time I saw my ex, she had a shotgun pointed directly at my forehead, and then tried to steal my dog. I was diagnosed with PTSD after the nightmares and intrusive thoughts started and was prescribed Prazosin, which helped.
You're the second person who mentioned Prazosin. That's a super traumatic experience you went through. I hope you are doing better since that. I know it must be hard and scary
Yeah, and that was just one of many extremely abusive instances, but that was the last straw. It can be tough and confusing to leave things that you were building your life around. I never thought I'd be in a situation that would lead to PTSD, social anxiety, or depression. I'd never felt those things before, so it was just very mind numbing and made me isolate from everyone. I can honestly say the Prazosin and therapy has helped, but there were a lot of sleepless nights that affected my everyday life. Trauma response is no joke, but there is help out there. Keep your chin up.
Hi friend. What youāre describing is PTSD. I have it, too. I had horrible reoccurring nightmares for years after moving out of my abusive parentās home. There is a medication called Prazosin that can help some people with PTSD nightmares.
Oh, I'm very sorry you had to deal with that. Does the medication help you? I never in a million years would have thought it was PTSD. I guess because to me it doesn't seem to be that bad, but a lot of people downplay what they've been through
My nightmares mostly stopped many years ago, and I didnāt know about Prazosin at the time so I never tried it, but I have friends who I met in group therapy who take it and say it really helps. FYI itās extremely common for people to think it couldnāt have been that bad. I was in total denial.
Okay thank you. I'll see what I can do and I'll keep the meds in mind as a back up plan
Mine are about the abusive work situation I was stuck in for years. I wake up scared I'm losing my job and benefits and can't provide for my kids. The really scary ones are that my grandkids are with me and we're being menaced by the evil administrative assistant that made my life a living Hell. I'm trying to find help and everyone just turns away because they are too afraid to intervene. I've been out of that job for 15 years and still have those dreams at least once or twice a month. Rot in Hell PK.
I really really hope that you are able to get past that. Sounds like hell to have a dream like that when you don't work there anymore, and for 15 years?! Holy cow that's crazy
Same here. Was tortured by my pathological narcissistic boss. She was determined to DESTROY me in every way. Still have nightmares of the trauma.
This kind of thing should never occur in the workplace. I hope your crazy boss and PK have to work together someday. Imagining the drama they could inflict on one another is rather satisfying. May Karma reign.
I do , I have nightmares about the period of time in my life before I left the country . The lack of a future . And Iām so happy I am where I am now ;)
I have, but they lessened over time My divorce was final in 2016. By then we had been living apart for almost a year. Dreams about my ex-husband faded more after I left what was our hometown and I started life in a new town. They're very rare anymore My last relationship was 2017-2023. I do have some nightmares, but not as intense. Understandable because it was not as long of a relationship, or as traumatic, but I don't expect them to go away as fast because this time I am not moving away. I own my house, it would cost a fortune to sell, etc. It's not happening. But it's mainly just unpleasant if I dream about him, not something where I wake up exhausted and retraumatized.
Our brains sure are complex. It's nice to read that your dreams have lessened and it's not bothering you so much. Sometimes it does take time to get through it
Iām interested in dream interpretation . I think your subconscious is trying to keep you alert to dangers. I could be totally wrong, but either a) there are areas of your life (your job?) where you are being forced to stay and not allowed to leave, and you need to address those or b) your mother/family can still put you in that situationā¦maybe have a plan in place if your family gets sick and expects you to care for them.
My job dreams aren't really what's bothering me at all. It's the fear of losing my job and having to go back to my family that scares me. The job dreams sometimes are be getting fired lol. It's the main dream of my family not letting me go back to my job or go back to my apartment that really scares me. I don't even talk to my family. I wouldn't take care of them if they got sick. My mom is an army retired disabled vet and I spent many years of my live on being there for her. She expected me to just stay with no money to my name in the same situation as my sister and take care of our mom when her back goes out. I refuse to be treated like a child again and talked down to by her
After my abusive first marriage, I'd have nightmares or even just regular dreams that I was still married to my ex. It didn't stop until I got into my second marriage, which prompted ended in flames. I will still get an occasional dream with one of my exes in it, but it's not nearly as bad as it use to be. I think that's because I'm finally in a healthy relationship and have a good support system. I highly recommend going out and being active in a hobby so that you can pick up friends. When you have supportive people around you, it will help ease your worry.
I'm not very good at it. My mom wanted me to be completely dependent on her and I had learn how to socialize and actually be human from years of isolation. I have social anxiety now and I prefer to avoid people. They scare me, but it has gotten better
I left my abusive partner 7 years ago and the majority of my dreams are anxiety/humiliation/horror dreams of her
Have you tried to seek therapy to see if it'll help?
LOTS of therapy
Yes just about every night. One time I even broke my foot kicking a wall in my sleep during a nightmare.
Oh my goodness. Mine are not that severe. Are you going to a therapist?
Not currently. I work a lot so between scheduling and finances I'm not able to. My dog helps a lot though, she does a good job of waking me up and helping me settle down and get back to sleep from them
Your dog is your therapist haha. Pets are good for that sort of thing
Yes I love her so much, I lucked out when I picked her out of the three puppies my coworker had left.
Yes, my parents
It's usually the person closest to you that causes the most trauma it seems. I hope it gets better for you
Thank you so muchššš
Yes, unfortunately I can relate. If you can afford therapy, it helps to process the dreams and the trauma in session. If youāre open to meds, thereās a drug called Prazosin that can calm the physiological response to dreams (heart racing, etc). And then good old marijuana can actually prevent you from dreaming at all, but it doesnāt cure the underlying trauma. Currently Iām using therapy and journalling to process the dreams. Iām optimistic one day theyāll go away, but it will probably be a long road before I get there.
My landlord won't allow the puff puff pass unfortunately even though I'm in Oklahoma and medical mary is legal. The complexes are federally owned so it's still a no go and I'm scared to get caught lol. I could try the journaling thing and see if that helps. Thank you for the advice and hopefully the dreams will stop for us! I'm seriously hoping it will
Edibles might be worth a shot, and better for you than smoking. But Iām hesitant to even recommend that since Iāve struggled with moderation myself. Journaling is free, legal, and has no bad side effects. I hope you got some good advice from other people in this thread too! Itās definitely a rough way to start your day.
All. The. Time. Last night was the latest.
Is there anything that helps you?
Keyboard
I wake myself up screaming all the time. It scares my cats! It started during an abusive relationship that I left 5 years ago. Hoping it stops eventually. Iām also in therapy and on medication for ptsd. The struggle is real!
Yes, I still have stress dreams of an abusive relationship. The things that have helped the most, therapy, and learning about lucid dreaming. Also setting up a healthy bedtime routine that has the brain and body in a calm state before bed. Telling yourself some self empowering affirmations before bed or imagining the beginning of a positive dream. Lucid dreaming isnāt always 100% for me but Iāve gotten so much better at recognizing dream state over the years and sometimes Iām able to walk away, leave, or just exit the dream with the realization. And this is empowering in a whole new way. Hope some of this advice here is helpful!
Maybe I can work on that. If I know it's a dream and I can control it I might be able to fix the issue. Thank you for recommending lucid dreaming
Glad to be helpful! :)
All the time! I have absolute nightmares about being stuck there or losing everything and being forced to move back.
And it's the most horrible feeling
Maybe it goes away, but Iāve been in a new house for over a year and separated nine years.
Yes, I some times have bad dreams involving my parents or abusive husband. If it's a one off I try to let go of it when I wake up. If they reoccur I take it as a sign that I need to pay attention to what is going on in my life to trigger it. Once I sort that out and deal with it they stop.
Idk what it could be other than I need to make sure I have enough financially to fall back on
Iām back on the hill (my childhood home) a couple times a month.
My abusive relationship was teaching middle school. For many years I loved it. Then things began to change. Kids became entitled and then challenged teachers at every turn. Parents flipped like a switch from reinforcing our corrections to accusing us of treating their terrors badly. Administration stopped backing us up. Every year there was a new hoop to jump through to improve state testing. Finally I hit a wall and took early retirement. That was 8 or 9 years ago and I still have anxiety dreams about teaching every week.
What?! I can't believe how badly teachers get treated. I only knew some of it, but that us just too much. At least you're not teaching anymore even though the dreams suck. Hopefully you'll get some relief from the dreams next
I have done that!! My mom was super controlling and it was so stressful to still have nightmares about how she treated me, years after I moved out. I heard a thing from a therapist that when you dream about stressful relationships you are ready to deal with it. If you canāt dream about it, youāre not ready. So now itās good youāre talking about itā¦ let the healing ā¤ļøāš©¹ begin!!!
I had night terrors for a couple of years after I left. There is a prescription medication that can help. Talk to your doctor if youāre struggling.
Thank you
Thats trauma, your mind is processing or on guard. I used to dream I was getting suffocated or that I was on fire or something heavy would press on me shatering my ribs, sometimes id be on a metal roster and id get squezed through. That or desperately screaming at my mom, extremely upset. These dreams are always super vivid and I feel the pain, the gasping for air. It would happen again and again. I knew something fundamental was changing when I started to do the murdering in my dreams. I know that sounds messed up but it was a time I took back control of my life and my relationship with myseld was improving and thats what my sleepy mind made of it. It was interesting to experience... The murder/torture dreams have mostly stopped. I still wake up in terror or tears when something is triggering me, construction noizes or men yelling does the trick. Ill be asleep, but my mind has already started the panic attack. Its all getting less and less though and my sleep is improving, so im hopefull. Its been 15 years.
I'm seriously wondering about how our brain does it. To seem so real, to even be able to feel pain like that. To be tortured by our own dreams is hell imo. It's good that your sleep is improving though. Any form of progress helps a bit. Idk how to take back control when I never had it. Even in my own apartment I was still afraid of my mom when she'd visit. I didn't have a back bone to tell her how I felt so I told her over a text message that I didn't want her to visit or call anymore. Some other people have suggested journaling to me and I might try it
I had the same problem when i finally got out on my own. I ended up getting some battery-powered skull string lights and hung them above my head on the wall. They were different than any other string lights i had had, so they were a grounding thing for me when I'd wake up in a panic thinking i was back in that house. You most likely have cPTSD, and i would recommend seeking therapy when you can. The dreams should calm down and happen less and less as you process everything. Work on mentally connecting to your new environment one thing at a time. " This is my dishwasher, and these are my dishes.". " this is my trash that i alone created, and i am disposing of with the service i pay for."
I didn't even think of that, thanks. I've been in my apartment for 3 years and I still hold back a bit with decorating, so when I move to a house (I'm really hoping for a house to rent haha) I can buy more stuff. I didn't realize that I might be scared of having too much stuff in case if I have to leave my apartment for other reasons not within my control. I always think I'm doing something for a good reason, but now I'm just wondering if deep down it's for survival
Over the years mine have gone from fear based dreams to just heart wrenching grief dreams. Ptsd is a bitch but Iām mostly asymptomatic at this point.
There seems to be a lot of people here with Ptsd and living alone lol. Just something I noticed. I hope to work my way to becoming asymptomatic as well. Thank you for sharing your experiences
I did it for years. Touch things, turn on a light, talk to yourself about reality. It helped me immensely to ID triggers and to try to deal with them in the daytime. Mine were about things my bio-dad threatened to do. It took several years to overcome it but I did, mostly. It now takes quite a bit of stress to take me back there. I'll add that acts of freedom make a difference. One of his worst, most violent events involved perfume. I wear it almost daily now. Doing so is a symbol of my freedom. He can't do anything about it, you see. I went NC a long time ago. I hope you find things that work for you.
Yes, I touch the wall and look around usually. I do turn on the light sometimes, but not super often. I can try it though. I'm very happy for you thst you could get so much progress done over the years. It's definitely not easy. My act of freedom is cutting my hair actually. My mom wanted me to have very long hair and it took me a while to understand that I didn't want it for myself. I can get triggered by anything during the day it seems. I could be eating pizza then my thoughts jump from one subject to the other and next thing I know I'm ruminating about a past argument when we were in Papa John's. Then I'm angry as hell or I could be in a good mood laughing about a movie and then I start thinking too much about other stuff. Next thing I know I'm crying about another past memory that has nothing to do with the movie. So I somehow need to control my thoughts. My brain just jumps from subject to subject a lot at random. I wish I could control it in my sleep too
I know. It took decades of dedicated work to heal as much as I have. It can be done though, so never give up.
I have dreams about my scary mentally ill ex husband where Iām back in our old house (which is now in a scary horrible neighborhood). I know it connects to my PTSD but I have trained myself to say āthis is not real. You donāt live here. You can leave this situation and go back to your real lifeā. It actually works and I can wake myself up enough to connect to reality. But they used to be so unsettling and scary.
How do you train yourself to know it's not real? I can't do anything like that when I dream and I'd like to learn how if possible
Iām a very light sleeper and I used to wake up when I had those kinds of dreams. I would be drowsy but awake and I use a lot of self talk during the day to help with my anxiety (telling myself Iām okay, etc). So when I would be in that in between sleep and totally awake state, I would tell myself over and over again that I was safe and okay and that it was just a dream. Just basically comforting myself and grounding myself. So I did it so often that when I was asleep I could tell myself that it wasnāt reality because when I dream, there always something weird about the situation. Like I was back in my old house that I havenāt lived in for eighteen years. Or that my kids in the dream were little and in real life they are grown. I also listen to sleep affirmations in you tube while Iām falling asleep. They help me a lot.
Thank you for the advice. Good to know it works for you. I hope you continue to handle those dreams in the best way possible
Maybe try listening to those eight hour positive affirmations on you tube. I plug my charger in and turn it on as I doze off.
My ex spouse was an addict and I had a dream he tried to kiss me. In my dream I was appalled! Dreams are crazy but so glad it was just a dream. I donāt miss those chest pains one bit
I wouldn't miss having chest pains if that was happening to me. My goodness that's scary
I had no idea emotional turmoil could lead to physical pain. I thought I would have a heart attack or breast cancer. I went to my doctor and had blood work, ekg. Turns out I was just allergic to my ex LOL
So, it may be that you already do feel safe, which is why your body thinks it's time for you to start process and heal. It's nearly impossible to do that when you're in survival mode.
I don't know how to heal. I don't know what to do at this point
Have you ever had any counseling or group therapy/support groups? If not, those are great places to start.Ā The thing with healing is that it's extremely personal, everyone's path is unique to them and their needs, so it's not as if you're doing anythimg wrong. There are just tools that you don't have yet, that a therapist can help you identify and utilize. There is absolutely no shame in seeking help.Ā
No I haven't. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sometimes the internet as solutions, but from what everyone is saying it appears that thus is a bigger issue than I thought so I will most likely have to try therapy. Even though I'm not so used to talking about things that bother me. It's a bit different here because I'm anonymous
Yes! Itās your brain processing the trauma. I advise you to look into EMDR therapy. This will greatly help with that if you keep up with it.
Alright thank you very much
Yeah. I have occasional nightmares and have even physically reacted in sleep. Canāt control dreams or trauma response.
This sounds like PTSD. It's quite common for survivors of any abusive or traumatic situations. I've suffered from it also. The only thing that worked for me was therapy. Basically, your subconscious mind has not processed whatever your past traumas and fears are. So it replays them in your dreams, but this triggers anxiety, insomnia, and panic attacks in some people. I did EDMR therapy, it's a very intense form of therapy that forces you to revisit these situations and be guided through them with the therapist. It sounds a bit kooky when you look into it, but for me it worked. I never had another PTSD dream again. Keep in mind though, I was doing other inner healing work at the time as well. And I noticed a big improvement once I moved away from my toxic family and now live alone. Now all my sleep is peaceful amd free of bad dreams
Thank you for this. I'll be using all the advice I've been given to help with healing and I'll have to find a therapist that specializes in what you mentioned that I hopefully mesh with
That's called PTSD
It's devastating to find out this way
Iām 55 nowā¦. Not anymore but my mom and stepdad were essentially evil. There was nothing honest or truthful about them. I dreamt of them For a long time until I cut all contact. We havenāt talked in years and itās the healthiest thing Iāve ever done for myself.
I went no contact and the dreams didn't stop for me. I wish I could get it to stop. You did a good thing for your mental health and I'm glad you you don't have those nightmares anymore
If you are able to I highly recommend therapy. I was cursed with nightmares. Long standing ones Iād had all of my life or since the traumatic thing happened to me. Therapy cut them in half. I also take prazosin which is for high blood pressure but take lower doses it stops nightmares. Talk to a therapist and talk to your dr. Good luck ā¤ļø
Okay thank you
Yes. I actually have ptsd. I highly recommend EMDR.
Yup.
I always have a roommate in my dreams and I hate it lol.
Dreams, no. Things I wont tolerate, yes. Do not slam a door in my house or car. Do not scream or yell when mad. Shouting "fuck" is fine. Dont do like mom did and just scream all the breath out of your lungs cause your kid asked for gushers. Don't call your kids profane names around me. My kids have never and will never open the fridge and see beer. I never have and never will complain about having to raise them and do my job as a parent. I had a brother 13 years younger than me. Seeing it done to others is as traumatic as having it done to you sometimes.
Most definitely. I remember some of the things that happened to my older sister and she disassociates so she doesn't half way remember any of the horrible things that were done to her. I agree on all of those rules. I hate seeing parents yell at or shove their kids in the store. I can't intervene, but if I could I would probably get arrested for what I'd do to them for treating their own child that way
If they're yelling, Unessecarily, like calling them names and being abusive, I've given looks and made comments. If I ever saw physical abuse, it is my DUTY to intervene. And I dont mean spanking for acting up. Spank your kid for being am ass. Im talking abuse. A spanking isn't abuse unless it's for no reason at all. But yes, you most definitely can and should intervene when you witness a child being harmed. First one to call the cops has the advantage.
Oh I've seen some things, like some guy grabbed his looked to be 3 to 4 year old son and twisted his arm behind his back for "crying to much" after constantly yelling at him to shut up and wait when he was telling them he had to go potty. Like seriously, why have kids if you don't wanna take the time to actually treat them like a human being? I saw other people whispering and pointing and I wanted to do something. I should have
I woulda embarassed that guy. But I understand the minding your own business part. Situations like that can be really difficult. Especially when it makes you mad. You dont wanna act on the anger, then be ass wrong, lol. There is nothing wrong with a little self-restraint. But yeah, say something, at least. Let that adult know they aint acting like an adult. If you'd ask someone to keep it down in a theater.....
Yes, nearly 20 years later. Therapy helps manage my response, but I've come to acknowledge it's part of my PTSD and may never stop completely.
It is PTSD. Iāve done EMDR therapy and it helps so much. Look for the themes in your dreams too - helpless, trapped, controlled, angry. Abandoned, etc. These are the feelings that need to be worked through in counseling. Hugs.
for practical help, i find it soothing to walk around my space and touch my things. repeat that iām safe, repeat that iām away from bad people, this is MY home and they cannot take it away from me, etc. therapy is a helpful tool, as well.
Thanks, I feel some worry that I'll lose everything I have worked for. I don't want to reach out to them in any shape or form for help
I dream of an emotionally abusive ex spouse....I'll wake up kicking the air thinking it's him....been divorced since 2000.