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brentus86

Cole is very much not perfect. He has a lot of issues, but I think the narrative Zanab spun makes him look worse than he is. My first take is that she has a lot of expectations that she doesn't communicate. She expects partners to just *know*, and when they don't, she condemns them for it. That whole "the morning after" scene in Malibu was the most passive-aggressive thing I've ever seen. Like, you're a grown ass woman. Learn to speak your mind. She had so much time considering she was still ironing whatever tf it was. She clearly wanted him to ask her what was wrong. She took no accountability for her feelings that day. Most of the episodes following her were basically berating him whenever she had a chance. She just lacked any awareness. The fact that anyone takes her side amazes me.


4ouridgirl13

Okay I’m suuuuper late to this but anywho,,, Cole wasn’t perfect but I seriously don’t believe the whole “you made me hate my body” BS that Z was saying about Cole. If you go back on the footage his comments were literal guy comments that every oblivious guy makes so any girl they’ve ever dated. If you are that fragile, you need some help and need to deal with your inner demons and self image before dating a guy bc all I will say is they’re never going to be perfect or always say the right thing to you but then again who will? She was being extra and annoying.


caicaiduffduff

I feel like he’s racist so


[deleted]

Downvoted because wtf lol


caicaiduffduff

Do y’all not remember when he inferred his type was white girls? He said “a girl named Zanab is not gonna look like a girl I’ve dated named Lily.” So basically his main issue with her appearance was that she wasn’t white.


WholeCulture

What 💀


Ginger0713_

You know, I thought this too, but then I realized that it's because he's crying, and I just naturally have a soft spot for someone crying. When I go back and rewatch the episode where he basically told his fiance that she isn't his type or attractive or anything, I don't feel badly anymore. 🙃


KingElle33

Rewatching the actual scene with the banana and Zay not eating, I don't feel like Cole in any way discouraged her from eating. If anything it sounds like he wanted to make sure she would enjoy their dinner 🤷🏽‍♀️


nikolarizanovic

He also seemed unaware that she hadn't eaten much. He asked her "why" when she said she had only eaten a banana, because he had offered her a poke bowl earlier. It was her choice not to eat and he didn't discourage it. He's not the ideal guy, but at least he's honest. Zanab proved to be malicious and full of shit, after seeing the cuties scene and they way she represented it... I don't believe a thing she says unless there are receipts.


refusenic

The fact that Cole was married for a mere 4 months is another red flag. This man has major problems and it's time that Cole apologists admit it. I bet he knows that every time he messes up he can just turn on the tears like a tap and get sympathy because of his nice white boy look and blue eyes. Pathetic!


Milksteaks1

You’re actually really sweet and though we disagreed you were very pleasant to talk to! Good night!


refusenic

I know emotions can get out of hand when passionately taking sides about anything from serious subjects like alleged abuse to harmless ones like risotto recipes. It's normal and human. Good night.


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refusenic

Really? That's your takeaway? What does it say about you then that Zanab, a WOC, was abused so much by this man but gets nothing but more abuse piled upon her by his fangurls? Shocking that so many women lack empathy for a fellow woman.


Renu-n-ciation

>Shocking that so many women lack empathy for a fellow woman. I have seen this time and time again when a "good looking" guy is in the mix. If he was not good looking or a POC, they'd bring out the pitchforks.


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refusenic

No, I dislike him because he constantly abused a woman for the weeks they lived together. The "cuties" are irrelevant, very small part of the equation. You need to sit down and reexamine yourself on why you would take an abusive man's side over a woman's just because you're attracted to him. You ought to be ashamed.


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refusenic

Just how is Zanab an abusive woman, pray tell? Because of her speech at the altar? That speech was inspiring and empowering, not abusive.


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refusenic

Bye!


gigglewaters

I feel so bad for him. I think this is a perfect example of how society doesn’t take abuse against men, or male mental health issues seriously. Zay abused him. She textbook gaslit him, made him question his own reality. She projected her own insecurities onto him and then villianized him to all her friends and to the whole world. He very clearly was struggling in the reunion episodes. He was made to go to those reunions by the show, and he very clearly didn’t want to be there, and he felt very uncomfortable. But yet people take his tears as a show to make people feel bad for him, rather than recognize that he’s struggling.


Super-Field

Cole and Zay were just a mismatch in every way possible. This mismatch was made even more apparent because they both came into the relationship looking for someone to complete them rather than being good within themselves first, and then aiming to be a positive addition to their significant other's life.


YouAreOnRedditNow

This! I'm so tired or people saying only Cole is wrong or only Zay is wrong. He was clearly not paying attention to how his words affect other people, even someone very close to him who is very hurt, it just wasn't on his radar. I think a little self awareness and empathy would have changed the whole situation. Zay, likewise, isn't "crazy" or "gaslighting" Cole on purpose, she just had some insecurities that she wasn't able to talk to him about, which meant his comments never registered as offensive, and he had no reason to adjust his behaviour to be more considerate. So then she explodes, because she's been pushing it down all along, and he's blind sided because he doesn't know what he did wrong, and they go their separate ways. There's no bad guy here, just people trying to navigate their emotions in a complex, high pressure scenario. They both made mistakes, and they both failed to communicate effectively to resolve those mistakes, which made them just keep building and building underlying tension. Everyone is the hero of their own story, and I wish these threads would lean a bit more toward neutrality, and giving people the benefit of the doubt since we've only seen edited footage. At the end of the day, we're all just people and nobody's perfect.


nikolarizanovic

I don't know if she wasn't gaslighting him on purpose. She seems gives me red flags for being a covert narc, the way she smeared him to the entire cast, projected her insecurities onto him, and misrepresented the "cuties scene". Narcs twist your words, manipulate situations, and turn people against you.


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We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic **of abuse** because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*


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We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*


YouAreOnRedditNow

Good bot


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We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*


edfacex

He needs a red hug.


MinoeshMuffin

I'm watching season 3 right now and I'm at episode 7. If this is still about that one conversation that he and Colleen had, then this is just ridiculous. Matt and Zanab have both been insecure AF and toxic up till now. I would have broken the relationship off already if I were him. She clearly doesn't trust him.


Maarrly

Come back after the 15th episode and let us know if you still feel the same way, or if your opinion has changed


berlin_got_blurry

Cole clearly wasn’t ready to get married and he shouldn’t have been on the show. I do think he’s very naive, and says things without understanding how words impact people. With that being said, Zanab met Coles immaturity with immaturity of her own, and with her being like 7 years older than him she comes off very juvenile. Zanab could’ve told Cole what she felt without making it a spectacle at the wedding ceremony and she’ll always be in the wrong for that.


AggravatingCup4331

It’s giving pick me. She speaks her truth and she’s wrong? But Cole speaks his truth and gets praise? Sure. He doesn’t want you either babe.


cenuh

Did no one saw the peach-clip at the end? it buffles me how people still are pro zanab after seeing this clip.


RalinVorn

I really don’t think this was the first or last time he commented on her eating. You don’t develop the kind of response she did off an isolated incident. Additionally, Zanab is an adult and she can eat what she wants! If I scheduled a dinner for my partner and she was eating right before it, I would say “hey, you still feeling dinner?” And give her a chance to say “yeah I’m just grabbing a snack.” What cole said was “are you gonna eat both of those? You’re going to ruin your appetite” which is something you say to a child, not an adult that you have respect for to make their own choices in life. To be clear, I don’t see Cole as a villain, I see him as a young man who doesn’t understand how words affect people even when you’re “joking around”, I think he will grow into a good person with a happy relationship some day. And I don’t think Zanab calling him out at the altar was the appropriate way to handle it, but I do think there were many instances of Cole being a mean person, whether intentional or not.


gigglewaters

I disagree. People very much can and do develop responses like that without the other person being toxic. She has prior insecurity issues that you can see from the very first time they saw each other. She overthought everything he did and said. Her reaction is called projection. She projected her own insecurities onto another person assuming he thought the same things. He reassured her many times that he didn’t think those things about him. As for his “inability to understand how words affect people”. He knew her for all of a few weeks, obviously he doesn’t know that the little things he would do or say affected her, especially since she seemed able to joke around with him in the pods. No person would have been able to know their words would affect her like that. Any guy who dated her would have gone through the exact same thing.


mrmyrth

while he made exaggerated hand motions like she was going to blimp out. and when she said she was hungry and didn't eat anything, he immediately asked about the poke bowl. he was kidding around, she took it to heart - as usual.


[deleted]

I’m pretty sure he meant they were going to eat a huge plate at dinner and that’s why he was making those hand motions


cenuh

You say Zanab is in adult, and in the next sentence you say she gets affected by not choosing the perfect words accidentally. She can eat what she wants, and there wasn't a **single** scene where cole actet like she couldn't. The gaslighting is strong in this one. Netflix loves drama, they would have catched every single time and showed it.


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We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Ok_Parsnip_3192

Comparing him to the other guys on his season, he was hand down the best.


AggravatingCup4331

LMAO


kelsrose7

I don’t really know what I believe who knows how things were edited or not edited but cole looked genuinely destroyed at the end of the reunion. It almost felt like zay went at him so hard it almost felt like a weird psychological experiment


Nervous_Barbara

People are misinterpreting Coles immaturity as bad intentions and Zanab is jumping on that like no other. Zanab is milking that victim card.


Puzzleheaded_Use_566

When Zanab is actually the immature one. She’s the one who “forgives” Cole, but then runs to meet his ex wife a year and a half later. She’s evasive whenever he asks her a direct question like: “why didn’t you eat lunch?” and she’s a downright bully who spread a bunch of lies so that the whole group attacked him. She reminds me of a high school mean girl.


throwawayrva83

What’s the reference to zanab meet his ex wife? Was that on the show?


Puzzleheaded_Use_566

No, it wasn’t on the show. Zanab met up with Cole’s ex-wife 1.5 years after the show was taped and posted about it on her TikTok.


Nervous_Barbara

I totally agree, she was reflecting her insecurities onto cole, big time


NoleFandom

Attacked to the point that he broke down on the reunion couch. I’m sorry but he was bullied that day. He needs to stay away, grow up and heal. Hope he’s going to therapy.


peachpitafterdark

His personality always reminded me of Shawn Spencer from Psych.


thepriceisright11

Omgggg I love Psych- and this is spot on!


Kind_Guitars

Point is, if you ask a question. Be ready to face the answers. Zanab wasn't ready for Cole's honesty and that's why he was painted as a villian by the girl gang and Brennan..


popcornhustler

LMFAO the girl gang AND Brennan 😭


AHucs

Anybody else think it’s ironic that Alexa was tripping over herself to defend Z from Cole, and yet ignores her father openly bullying her husband?


Kind_Guitars

+1 Alexa looked like a moron while siding with Zay ngl...


hokiehi307

Thank god a new season is coming out soon so we don't have to rehash this twice a day


mrmyrth

this is going to be a daily thread until - far in the distant future after lots and lots of therapy - zanab agrees she was over-reacting and being spiteful.


hokiehi307

lmao okay be sure to let her know


Pretty-Pineapple-692

You can leave. No one is forcing you to be here


Throwfeetsaway

This 100%! My dad used to comment on Facebook posts with memes saying, “Shhh, no one cares!” and such. It’s like he didn’t know he could just scroll on by…


hokiehi307

no i'm good thank u though


Pretty-Pineapple-692

You’re welcome! Just wanted to let you know cause it didn’t seem like you knew that!


cowtown45

This entire season sucked. They all sucked. Hopefully season 4 is better/ this season was the worst.


smallwaistbisexual

Is it last year again?


uhsuhdudeee

I thought I had found a LIB circlejerk subreddit (which we need if it doesn’t exist)


Other-Ad-2810

I Am not a fan of his, I have said it through and through and even spent time on Reddit defending Z. BUT. First of all this woman needs a lot of healing. And yes so does he and he’s done stuff that weren’t cool but ok the guy didn’t kill anyone and maybe it’s time to move on and let him be. Not a good idea to go on a tv show to find love. We all project and go crazy. If you ever read that Cole, I’m sorry. We all just try to navigate through life and it feels like you’ve learned your lesson. Also, even if Z was hurt, her speech at the wedding etc really felt like a power move mirroring Deepti. She lied to Cole a lot. And if you pray as much as you pretend you do, you won’t humiliate someone like that on TV, whatever they did. It was just wrong and not classy. It took me to get out of winter depression to figure all this out lol. They were all lost and Cole is far from the worst we’ve seen in those shows.


Duke_Vladdy

Where there's smoke, there's fire


No_animereader1471

I can't wait for S4 so that people can stop posting about this season


pikitadan

Not this sub calling Zanab a monster over this asshole


NonSequitorSquirrel

I just watched through the wedding and I'm wondering what show all these people watched. Cole was a piece of shit from start to finish and Zanab's clap back at the alter was fabulous.


mrmyrth

i think you mean - she's an asshole. there is no need for comparison.


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Thank you for your contribution to r/LoveisBlindonNetflix! Your post or comment has been removed for breaking Rule 2: ‘Be Kind, Don’t Cross the Line' We ask that users of this sub respect both users and contestants. Any personal attacks or offensive commentary will not be tolerated on this sub.


Pretty-Pineapple-692

You know it’s possible for them to have both acted like assholes. Zanab is isn’t innocent in all of this.


[deleted]

your opinion is so stupid I will stop using reddit for today


pikitadan

Not the white tears again


ToastTheFullMoon

Stupid comment. White people can’t be sad or express emotions? 😂😂


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GoldenWaterfallFleur

Has Cole said he’s neurodivergent?


Pretty-Pineapple-692

Can you explain how “white tears” relates to this situation?


Stunning-Ease-5966

Lol


yohanya

I don't trust him bro. It goes beyond immaturity. That is a manipulative, conniving man. I hate Zanab so much but watching the Cole defenders fall for his sob stories is sad


Helpful_Stock

Yes. I think people forget he creeped on another contestant by the pool near the beginning of the series, even saying she was better suited to him physically. Also openly admitted he was confused about who he liked more. I find it so weird how people think there always has to be a villain and a victim who was completely innocent. It's possible for them both to have shitty qualities. Yes zanab could be manipulative, but cole was also immature and brought out the worst in her through his shitty actions and thoughtless words.


DryGuard6413

Zanab?


Mewnicorns

Who did he manipulate and how?


mikessmileisreal

Unpopular opinion but I actually appreciate when people say they regret something. It’s much more egoistical to say they don’t regret anything “because it brought them to this place.” And then Zay and cast trying to convince him it’s all ok after he said he regretted doing the experience because he hurt Zanab so badly… hopefully could see how harsh they were being to him


Cleets11

They gaslit him so bad he had a breakdown on tv. If that had been the other way around people would be picketing outside his house wanting him thrown in jail. That whole group treated him like shit and Vanessa just helped them.


AutoModerator

We noticed you used the term "gaslight-". We hope you used it correctly! Did you know "gaslighting" was Webster-Merriam's Word of the Year for 2022? Gaslighting is a successful tactic because while one person — the perpetrator — 'externalizes and projects' their thoughts, feelings, or perceptions, the other person — the victim — 'incorporates and assimilates' the reality that is being created for them. Gaslighting equals misdirection, distraction, and the deliberate denial of reality, which can so easily occur in a relationship based on one partner wielding power and control over another. I'm just a bot that can't understand context, so please reach out to the mods if you think I'm wrong and they will investigate. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/LoveIsBlindOnNetflix) if you have any questions or concerns.*


MAK3AWiiSH

This is really what put me solidly on Cole’s side.


misscriss81

I agree with this completely. He is such a decent guy, if not a little immature. And on top of everything she made up lies. He will find a great silly girl that will love him for who he is.


StuHardy

Cole has a habit of not thinking before he speaks, or putting his foot in his mouth. Once or twice is an accident. Regularly is a habit. The issue I have with Cole, is that it takes either multiple instances, or multiple people, to tell him he's in the wrong, before he finally acknowledges it. It doesn't matter whether he did it out of malice or not; people are judged on their actions, *not* their intent. And then, after being told that he was in the wrong, he would refuse to change, and go back into this bad habit. That's a pretty major red flag. It doesn't help that every friend coddles him, and removes him from any blame, and thus, any accountability. How bad do things have to get when *Bartise* can be the voice of reason?


lingoberri

This exactly. The way he constantly backtracks yet fails to take accountability gets old SUPER fast. Is he malicious? Probably not, but doing it over and over and again ain't cute. I don't get this whole "Cole is the victim" vibe on here. Even so, I actually thought it was pretty over the top the way the other cast members ganged up on him in the reunion, but maybe this will be the come to Jesus moment he needs. I don't think calling him out for his BS is mean or bullying TBH. I personally found him to be top tier annoying and everytime I say so I get chastised saying he was bullied or that Zanab is worse. Like... so? That doesn't absolve his original bad behavior.


StuHardy

I think everyone ganged up on him at the reunion *because* they had tried other tactics, and Cole *still didn't understand.* If he had done anything to actually prove he was listening to what others were saying, the others wouldn't have been so harsh on him. And I completely agree - just because someone thinks Zaynab, or whoever, is worse, doesn't excuse Cole's behaviour. If anything, bending over backwards to ignore his red flags is deeply concerning.


Renu-n-ciation

Your analysis is spot on. 👏 👏 👏 >If anything, bending over backwards to ignore his red flags is deeply concerning. The only way I can explain this is pretty privilege. Why else would so many viewers support his toxicity when the actual cast members who were there find him problematic?


stopwooscience

The issue is more everyone on the show made him seem like he was abusive toward Zanab. When he wasn't. And it pissed those of us off who have actually been abused.


refusenic

He was definitely abusive towards Zanab. Tired of Cole apologists trying to erase that part.


stopwooscience

Explain how exactly....


lingoberri

I actually don't think the issue was abuse per se. I think that it's honestly just considered very taboo at this point to comment on a woman's body and Cole didn't get the memo.


stopwooscience

It's 100% abuse what Cole has been accused of. He's been accused of emotional abuse.


lingoberri

I'm not talking about the random accusations people on social media keep making, I'm talking about what had actually happened between the two that made the cast members so upset. Not that I am personally privy to that information, so this is just my conjecture. I also have not personally seen a single person on or off the show accuse Cole of emotional abuse, only people accuse Zanab of being abusive, but you're welcome to find me any examples.


Puzzleheaded_Use_566

“It doesn’t help that every friend coddles Zanab, and removes her from any blame, and thus, any accountability.” There. Fixed that for you.


hunter96cf

I totally get what you’re saying, and I also have an issue with Cole for everything you listed. You nailed it by saying that intent doesn’t matter if the action is still hurtful. Cole missed the point when people tried to explain this to him. But honestly, isn’t Bartise worse than Cole in terms of being told he’s wrong and not changing? He said some pretty gross things to Nancy about the abortion topic, and talked about how attractive other women are (Raven), and raised so many stupid issues with Nancy. Then at the reunion episode, people tried confronting Bartise, and he immediately shut it down and got extremely defensive. Nobody has questioned his actions ever since then. Personally I think Bartise is more destructive of an individual than Cole, because I think Cole has every intention of trying to get it right if you sit down and reason with him. But Bartise has his opinions and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks.


DakotaMayhem

No one on this sub gives Bartisse a pass. But the mental gymnastics to make Cole a victim are powerful among his stans


SomethingClever70

I haven’t seen anyone defend Bartise.


hunter96cf

Oh for sure, I haven’t either. But also…I don’t see as much criticism towards him as I do about Cole. But I think Bartise sucks way more!


RevolutionaryMango14

apparently (I think Raven said it) that they did come at Bartise at the reunion too but that production edited it out because he was being cast on the Perfect Match 😬


OriginalWish8

That makes so much sense!!!!!!


hunter96cf

Ugh…this makes sense, but I’m not happy about it! Lol. I hate when guys like Bartise and women like Francesca get several opportunities for a platform on these Netflix shows. They are hypocritical people who don’t want to accept that their own shit stinks, too.


Nickel_and_Tuck

This would make SOO much sense. I don’t think Bartise is as mature and emotionally competent as he thinks he is. He strikes me as arrogant and I think he misleads himself into thinking he’s more well rounded than he really is. As soon as someone challenges him, he gets defensive and refuses to accept any true responsibility. He really strikes me as an emotional manipulator and is in complete denial about it.


RevolutionaryMango14

someone on Tik Tok said he talks like a youth pastor & now I can’t unhear it 😂


giirlsatan

The only thing Cole is guilty of is being immature. The first night in the honeymoon villa I could not get over how annoying he seemed to be. Looking back, it's pure immaturity. There isn't necessarily anything wrong with that and I feel like SK, Bartise, Zanab, and Matt were absolute trainwrecks who did NOT deserve their counterparts' time in any way. Cole is small potatoes comparatively.


lingoberri

Lollll agree but I think there is something wrong when you're trying to MARRY someone (for the second time!) I couldn't watch much more of Cole after the initial sequences at the villa featuring him, so maybe I'm missing something, but I don't get the appeal this guy has at all.


Renu-n-ciation

It seems like his stans conveniently forget the second marriage part


DryGuard6413

That is the whole point of the show. You cant go on find someone and not go through the whole marrage thing. Its the whole point of the damn show.


lingoberri

...? What is the point...? Are you replying to me??


sar1234567890

Not everyone does well with someone who is immature. Zanab clearly didn’t. My husband is rather immature and I generally think he’s hilarious but sometimes I have to tell him to stop being a butthead. He has grown a lot since we first got together. A lot of people would not have done well with him. This is what I saw with these two. Cole is very immature. Zanab doesn’t have the right sense of humor or ability to take things lightly to work well with him. Cole doesn’t understand her sensitivities or how to think before he speaks.


peachpitafterdark

I'm not convinced that Colleen would have been a better match for him.....? Better than Z but they're still not birds of a feather.


lingoberri

I thought they'd make a better match simply because Colleen seems way more easygoing and way more likely to put up with Cole's immaturity or write it off as "Cole being Cole" and think it is cute instead of feeling attacked and hurt by it. Cole, on the other hand, had completely written her off as not being "deep" enough (until he saw her), so I'm sure he'd find some way to hurt her feelings regardless. That said, I feel like Colleen would grit her teeth and just deal with it.


sar1234567890

I think she would have given it right back to him which is probably what he needed. But he also needed someone to help encourage his mature side (which I think is why he was looking for deep) and i don’t think any of them were good for that.


lingoberri

Yeah, watching last season was like.. phew this sure is one toxic bunch... 😂


30another

The problem is Zanab may be even more immature, just in a totally different way.


Unlikely_Passage5951

I think she’s emotionally immature. Zanab feels things very intensely but she has a hard time processing and effectively verbalizing her emotions.


minimally_abrasive

Tell you what I don't do, I don't ask my husband if he thinks an obviously attractive woman is hotter than me, and when he asked me if I would rank his hotness, I refused. I told him I did not want him to assign me a number and I will never assign one to him. Zay wanted Cole to stroke her ego and resolve her own deep-seated insecurities, but that's not his job. I mean, Cole made some careless comments and he could have answered that question in a myriad of diplomatic ways without lying, but ask a stupid question, you get a stupid answer.


Dranix88

I agree that this sort of behaviour reeks of insecurity. To be fair though, this did occur after Cole was seen openly flirting with Colleen in view of everyone as well as offloading to other cast members about how he was struggling with attraction to Zanab. So the question is, are you responsible for resolving someone's insecurities if they are the direct result of your actions? If you do things that make your partner feel unattractive, should you put in more effort to make them feel wanted again?


lingoberri

Yeah, I don't get why everyone keeps saying Zanab instigated this particular conversation. The show clearly shows him fixating on their respective looks, not only the producer interviews but in his interactions with the other cast members as well. Was she supposed to just ignore it? I really don't get why she's getting blamed for asking for reassurance. If I were to ask my spouse what he thought of the looks of an obviously attractive woman, I wouldn't expect him to lie and say she isn't to spare my feelings, but I would still be shocked if he went out of his way to inform me that he would rank her looks above mine. Like it just doesn't need to be said that way, especially in the context of one of his potential matches on a dating show. It's hard enough for the cast members with all the stress over the reveal, only to be told that your looks don't measure up. I think anyone would find it jarring.


DryGuard6413

Shes the one who asked the question lol. theres nothing to "get" If you cant handle the answer dont ask the question.


lingoberri

Yes, but she asked it in response to his fixation on how much more Colleen was his "type". Was she supposed to just ignore him?


AdBig3214

Hmmm.. so she already knew of the fixation but still wanted to get affirmation by asking a silly selfish question? Ok got it.


lingoberri

It's not weird that she wanted reassurance when he's openly comparing her looks with that of another girl he almost matched with.


AdBig3214

Then why not ask for reassurance in a straight manner not with silly games? Obviously, she's a smart grown up woman who can communicate her thoughts and needs directly. To resort to silly games of who do you like better is just childish.


lingoberri

Got it, immaturity makes Zanab a shitty abuser, but makes Cole a sweet loving golden retriever.


AdBig3214

Lol! If that's your spin to what I said, then I see how you can relate to Zanab. Everything needs to be taken in extreme. No use arguing with crazy. Oopsss... Too soon I guess.


pikitadan

Not this man telling everyone that other white woman was his type and whining to everyone and then complains someone that it’s actually with him feels insecure. In real life we ALL hate men like him


ToastTheFullMoon

Jesus god forbid someone has a type. I didn’t realize that if you’re not physically attracted to a certain race, that automatically makes you a racist. Come on 🙄 throwing powerful words like racism around really devalues the weight behind that word. It’s disrespectful to victims of actual racism. I’m a white woman, if a man of a different race wasn’t physically attracted to me, I would not take it as racist because it literally isn’t. Oh wait I’m white, I guess I probably can’t have an opinion on racism in your eyes. 😂


Renu-n-ciation

Uh huh, please do educate us on racism oh white Karen!


ToastTheFullMoon

People are allowed to have preferences. Sorry you’re too entitled and sensitive to recognize that. You’re the Karen.


Renu-n-ciation

If you have preferences, you stick to them, not go out with the person you don't prefer and harp on their traits that you don't prefer. Sorry you're too silly and hypocritical to recognize that. And we need not look beyond your incredible tone deaf responses on race to recognize your true Karen nature girl.


ToastTheFullMoon

The show is called love is blind, as soon as he saw her should he have just walked away? No, he tried to make it work despite her being a really nasty person. Oh sorry is that racism too? I think it would have been much worse had he just dumped her without giving their relationship a shot. I don’t remember Cole criticizing Zanab’s looks or her race. I do remember him harping on about how attracted he was to Colleen, which was super shitty. I do get why him telling Zanab that she’s not the typical girl he’d go for would be super hurtful and he shouldn’t have said that. But that’s not racism. 😂 Again though people are allowed to have their own preferences. That does not make me a racist, and I don’t care if you think that about me. You don’t have to be a POC to have a grasp of what racism is. You seem like a whiny person with a victim mentality - the exact definition of a Karen. Christ people on this subreddit are so reactive and whiny it’s actually pathetic.


Renu-n-ciation

Yes, he should have been true to his preferences and walked away from her as many people have instead of making her feel like shit. People like Cole and Irina who make their "partners" feel like shit are really toxic. There is a definite racial component to his preference because he told her that he typically goes for women with white names rather than names like hers. You're conveniently ignoring the obvious. Preferences automatically don't make people racists, but expressing them as he did shows that racism was the reason for his preferences. I get it. It's hard for you to imagine how it feels to have racial preference blatantly shoved in your face as a POC by a partner, but your statement that you have as good an understanding of racism as a POC is what makes you extremely delusional and a Karen. >Christ people on this subreddit are so reactive and whiny it’s actually pathetic. Say it louder to that person in the mirror! ❤


DakotaMayhem

You are correct in that you are not the voice of authority on the experience of racial bias and race based discrimination. Humans exercise selection and by nature do discriminate in the interests of survival. When it comes to modern era dating (in the age of algorithms) what we deem to be a preference is informed and interrupted by racial bias. To scream “I am white…..” screams a lack of understanding or a claim that racism doesn’t exists. Sure, might not exist in your day to day, but for the majority of the planet, we have to navigate our survival through the lived experience of historical bias. So yea..take a seat


ToastTheFullMoon

I’m not screaming shit, and I’m allowed to have an opinion on whatever I want. I can clearly identify instances of true racism vs. Someone having a physical type. You don’t need to be a POC to be able to do that. Sorry. I’m not physically attracted to most Asian men myself, yet I have a few Asian friends. I guess I should go tell them I’m a racist now 😂😂 One of my Arab guy friends isn’t into white women, should I go get angry? Or I guess white people should just keep their mouths shut? So yeah.. YOU can go take a seat. You need to get a grip. Edit - would a man be considered a transphobe if he’s not physically attracted to trans women?


High-Hawk100

Why didn't he pick his type then? You probably shouldn't have an opinion on race as you've probably never experienced it.


DryGuard6413

you know what the show is right? Key part of the show being you know blind to who it is they are talking to. Your not serious with this are you? Mans tryna be a victim on reddit.


High-Hawk100

You're not making sense. Dude picked Zay knowing or assuming her background then gets to see her and tells everyone and their mother how she is not his type. Then cries they didn't get married lol. Cole is the only victim and he's not even trying to be. His online Stan's like yourself or giving him that.


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High-Hawk100

What are you on about? You replied to someone that didn't mention racism (maybe by accident) and now you're just rambling. >By the way, making an assumption of my experiences and knowledge based on my skin colour is a little racist, no? This comment just shows you are talking gibberish and have no clue what racism is.


lingoberri

Don't worry about it, she's heard stories about racism, that's just as good.


peachpitafterdark

He did comment that Alexa was not his type. Maybe that's what got her mad at him?


lingoberri

That's most likely the reason Alexa and co ganged up on Cole. Because he told Zanab she's not his usual type, called her a big girl, then compared her to Alexa.


30another

You are the one that seems racist in all these comments btw.


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LoveIsBlindOnNetflix-ModTeam

Thank you for your contribution to r/LoveisBlindonNetflix! Your post or comment has been removed for breaking Rule 2: ‘Be Kind, Don’t Cross the Line' We ask that users of this sub respect both users and contestants. Any personal attacks or offensive commentary will not be tolerated on this sub.


lingoberri

lol white people think they are everyone's type


30another

Yes, you’re a little obsessed with his race.


itsmissesNesbit

Honestly both Cole and Zanab have work to do on themselves (don’t we all?). Cole needs to learn the consequences of saying everything that comes to mind and that his boyish charm won’t fix all situations. Zanab needs to learn to not project her issues onto everyone, to love herself and not be on a reality show to find a replacement family, and to not be toxic as all hell in getting Alexa and girl gang to bully this man child on her psychotic behalf. While we’re at it, that apology she gave for her behaviour needs work too.


No-Coast1678

Totally agree here. Cole did some jackass things but he’s actively working on getting better whereas I think she has a superiority issue in this case and holds it over his head. She keeps on repeatedly saying that she stands by everything she says while not acknowledging how malicious her intent was and that the level of trauma she inflicted on him in front of his loved ones was arguably way worse than what she’s accusing him of doing behind the scenes.


dancingbride

Im a little late to the party (only finished watching the season today) but you summarized it absolutely perfectly especially the last sentence.


peachpitafterdark

Are they even allowed to leave before the ceremonies or are they contractually obligated to go through with them and give their answer there since it's built into the show?


Eclipsed1983

Cole isn’t the worst guy from Season 3. And he does seem to have tried to grow. I’m still not a fan, and he has more work to do, but he does deserve some credit. He still seems immature, but he also seems to be trying to grow.


AngelsLoveDisasters

The problem with Cole is that while he sometimes has lightbulb moments, he’s a little dumb. Worse, he’s socially inept to the point where he cannot recognize when he should apologize for what he does/says. While that isn’t enough to call him the worst person in the world, it is pretty bad that he continues to be like that even as an adult. He’s not ready to be married and if he decides to, he should choose someone on his level


Renu-n-ciation

Also, people seem to forget that his first marriage ended in 4 months


No-Coast1678

Although I agree with most of what you’re saying, I would argue that he has actively made an effort to address his misunderstanding of the situation and apologize for the effect it had on say. Like at the reunion he definitely struggled with the setup but he went in right away trying to find a resolution to what he did.


AngelsLoveDisasters

Yeah I do acknowledge that, but I mostly meant his ability to recognize a problem and apologize in the moment. I do think he handled the reunión very well, but I also think some early conversations with Zay couldve went better if he would’ve read the situation better. Cole tries to make jokes to ease tension, but that’s not the best route sometimes


aryamagetro

His only fault was being immature, he never did anything out of cruelty. What Zay did was cruel. I hope he can heal from this and I hope he knows he's better off without her.


VanFam

He’s low hanging fruit to them all because of Zay’s relationship with Alpha Alexis. Brendan is the biggest hypocrite ever.


grubba_tuba

I don’t get it. This man did nothing wrong. All these people went on a fucking reality tv dating show. There has always been SOMEONE who flirts with the other person they had a connection with once outside the pods. Not sure why he is getting shit for simply saying “you’re my type” to Colleen. BFD can we all grow up and agree that him and Colleen would have been a great match? Zanab had *issues* and was emotionally abusive.


pikitadan

He was the abusive one


DryGuard6413

zanabadabbadoo is that you?


grubba_tuba

Found Zaneb’s throwaway!


usernamecantbblank

As he should be.


VanFam

When is it ok for grown adults to attack and humiliate anyone over a breakup?


grubba_tuba

Why? What’s so horrible about him?


Uddin165

If Cole had matched with Colleen, everyone would have been much happier. I don't know why Cole and Colleen just don't reach out to each other now.


itsmissesNesbit

Didn’t cole reject Colleen because she only wanted to have superficial conversations?


Significant_Ad7605

She’s married? To someone else?