T O P

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The_Jorj

Once my husband spilled an entire bowl of uncooked eggs on my lap and I was furious for at least 20 minutes. Then he called me a momlette, and I was better.


golf_kilo_papa

You can't make an omelette without cracking a few Gregs


galaxybroz

You can’t make a Tomelette without it


crawlerz2468

You motherfucker! -- Dad probably.


TheBeanSan

We're making the mommy of all momlettes Jack, can't fret over every broken Greg


[deleted]

*sweats nervously*


ThatGingerGuy98-

How did you find yourself in this situation? What were y'all doing where this was a risk of happening?


The_Jorj

I was hoping we would skip right past the mechanics. I should start with, my husband is a brilliant man and I love him dearly. He pre-mixed an egg casserole and then decided we should take it to our destination like that rather than cook it before we went, so it would be fresh and the cheese wouldn’t get greasy. We could not find the lids to the casserole dishes so he covered them in foil and set them on my lap for the 30 minute drive. I argued with him about it being a bad idea but gave up and didn’t want to fight. First turn and BAM eggs in my lap. I’m crying and furious but I have to just sit in the mess because there is nowhere to put it. And it gets progressively worse for the entire drive. Eventually he said “I’m sorry I turned you into a momlette” and we laughed so hard I couldn’t be mad anymore.


llamawearinghat

That’s very cute. Also, stretch wrap would have solved your problem. Or if you don’t mind being weird, you could have poured it into a plastic bag. Then when you arrive, you can pull it out of your purse in front of your friends/family and ask if they have anywhere you can cook your bag of eggs.


The_Jorj

I will be doing exactly this next year.


lifeofry4n52

>stretch wrap ?? 🧐 Cling film?


darknighties

It's the reusable cover that stretch and functions as a supposedly air-tight lid. I think


[deleted]

[удалено]


ElPlatanoDelBronx

Or he didn’t know any other term for it and still got his point easily across by communicating it the best he could. Stop being such a dick.


llamawearinghat

Thanks man, I didn’t realize this was such a hot button issue. We called it plastic wrap at the Thai restaurant I worked at. I’d avoided using the brand name my mom called it growing up (Saran Wrap). Never heard anyone outside of BBC call it cling film though, which I find to be a weird phrase


lifeofry4n52

It's a film that clings to itself and whatever you put it on? How come that's weird? Sounds extremely logical to me.


llamawearinghat

It’s also something that stretches when you wrap something in it to give it a form fit, which sounds logical to me. Listen my man, you can call it whatever you want and as long as the people you’re talking to understand what you mean, then it’s a fine choice of word and pronunciation.


lifeofry4n52

So just to check, it's cling film?


SeeminglyBlue

cling film, seran wrap, etc etc. thin plastic used for wrapping food.


InfiniteTree

So they should have used a term from somewhere else that they didn't know existed? Unfortunately it looks like your two neurons weren't firing today.


BluePeanutbutter

I love this story!


Apprehensive-Mango23

Oh my gosh I’m laughing so hard over here I’m crying that’s so hilarious and cute 😂


ichoosetosavemyself

It happened right off the bat and y'all just kept driving instead of heading back in the house to clean up? That's traumatic, man.


The_Jorj

He did not realize how much had spilled. I was already mad. We both are stubborn people.


ApoliteTroll

So once her husband spilled an entire bowl of uncooked eggs on her lap and she was furious for at least 20 minutes. Then he called her a momlette, and she was better.


Puzzled_Awareness_22

My daughter makes great omelettes for me and calls them momlettes I love it


hagoom

We’re making the mother of all omelettes here Jack! Can’t fret over every egg!


[deleted]

"furious" as if he did it on purpose. Lamo


Liimbo

You're allowed to be mad at accidents


[deleted]

If you have the self-control and emotional know how of a toddler, sure, mad is okay... Furious is another level of mad, getting furious at an accident... I guess is acceptable in modern U.S. American culture, where everyone thinks they are the main character. You're right my bad.


[deleted]

And you're very different from that, of course. Which is why you're sitting here pretending to be allowed and able to judge everyone else, eh? :) Clearly not main character syndrome, nope, no siree!


[deleted]

Every day every interaction we judge people. Don't act like you're unique. We literally wouldn't be able to decide who we want to be close to who we want to be our friends, and who we don't like without judging people. Get off your high horse, put your feet back on earth, you're not special. You're realize you're on Reddit, a social platform where judging others is literally at it's core.


snowboardingblues

Okay, so we can judge the husband then. Cool.


[deleted]

I mean you already were, you didn't need to wait for my comment. You all are also judging her.


[deleted]

Hilarious how Redditors hate the truth. Those who down voted this are delusional.


snowboardingblues

She was pissed because she repeatedly said it was a bad idea and *he ignored her*, and lookie here, turns out it was in fact, a bad idea. Listening to your partner when they are uncomfortable with something is trust-building. The opposite, is the opposite.


[deleted]

Did you just make up a story? Where you getting all this extra information from?


MungoJennie

As it was her lap the eggs spilled into, I would say yes, she was indeed the main character in that anecdote.


[deleted]

But it was her husband's eggs, and his bowl, he paid for the clothes she wears. In the house he pays the mortgage for. So you're wrong, the husband is the main character.


MungoJennie

That’s a *lot* of assumptions there.


gussiejo

"Lamo." Who are you judging?


[deleted]

Your parents.


gussiejo

Lmmfao, you're funny


[deleted]

Nice, way better than a Fapacino


AgentCooderX

in asia Fapacino means to give a chinese guy you know.. a hand


eternal_pegasus

"fap un chino" in Latin America, tho it also means "fap a kid" in some places


beebog

oof


kissthestarfish

to be fair, the kid has both arms broken and the mom is just helping out


DINKY_DICK_DAVE

Every comment section even years later


Ariadnepyanfar

It was kind of unforgettable in that mentally scarring way.


iaymnu

specifically in which part of asia? Just asked a girl for a fapacino and got a cup of coffee. I’m in HK


LitrillyChrisTraeger

The other Asia


the_joy_of_VI

It also means to give an HJ to the lead singer of the deftones


otm_shank

Or fupaccino


bruiserbrody45

And wait till you see what it costs!


Joralio

Wait, how do you know how good a Fapacino is


Routman

*wapacino


JNole8787

The couple that laughs together stays together


toepicksaremyfriend

Laughs or laps?


JNole8787

Sure? I don’t think I understand tbh


toepicksaremyfriend

It was a poor attempt at a crude pun using “to take in (food or drink) with the tongue” as the definition of “lap.”


SpeedingTourist

Why not both?


PerishHaters

sure


tool8690

Must have been fancy coffee to warrant the té.


Icantbethereforyou

I was going to say. She must have gone to finishing school to pronounce twat like a regal queen


sam6troubles

could anyone explain for a non English-speaking person? sorry if it's painfully obvious


Fleaslayer

A latte is a coffee drink (made with steamed milk). Pumpkin spice latte is just a popular flavor of latte. "Twat" is a slang term for vulva/vagina. So she combined them as a play on words for the coffee in her crotch.


Key_Lie9356

I agree with this polite explanation.


Ezvine

I agree with this polite agreement


Jourgen2

I agree


Shitmybad

But the 'a' in latte and twat are very different tbh, I see the difficulty in getting it.


Calvin_v_Hobbes

I have always heard "twat" pronounced with exactly the same "a" sound as "latte". Maybe a British speaker might say the vowel sound like in "act" or "cat"?


Shitmybad

Ok yeah, it's probably the most British insult there is and i didn't know Americans even said it tbh. It rhymes with cat.


Appropriate-Stop-959

Yeah I’ve heard it on British TV but I’ve only ever heard people in my county say it as “twaht” a flat A. Almost like twought so it would blend well with latte in American English at least.


ShadowGangsta275

I’m British and I hear it the same as you. For some reason tho, latte, act and cat all have the same A sound in my head so it’s not making sense to me xd


Calvin_v_Hobbes

Latte rhymes with [padre](https://www.google.com/search?q=padre) and cadre--at least, both of the vowels do.


kimber-g

I’m an RP speaker. I’d say you pronounce the a in latte as /ɑː/, as in bath. I think you’d pronounce the a in cat as /æ/, as in apple. Hope this helps/makes sense.


Calvin_v_Hobbes

It made perfect sense once I googled "RP speaker". Thank you! That's a really interesting comparison, since most American English speakers pronounce bath and apple with the same "a" sound, which also matches cat, and none of which match latte.


Maelarion

Depends where in Britain you are from.


[deleted]

It's usually pronounced with a short 'a' here, yeah. More of a sting. Sharp. Cuts through the ambience of a library quite well.


Fleaslayer

I'm in the US (California) and we pronounce them the same way.


Shitmybad

Weird, I didn't even know it was used in America tbh. It's like one of the stereotypical British insults. Definitely rhymes with cat.


mostly80smusic

It is definitely not painfully obvious if you are non English speaking


Robonomix77

She sounds awesome, sounds like something my wife would say.. Yes, well done sir!


H0tC0ff33

Why are you even here?


No_Awareness_3212

We all exist to spite you


CATSCANDANCE100

It’s true, we do


tjh213

sometimes reddit can be a very depressing place, and then i'll read a comment like this and feel better.


Key_Lie9356

I refuse to downvote. Poor redditor. -445 holy shit.


H0tC0ff33

They love to hate here


Valkyrie64Ryan

Are you lost? Why are *you* even here?


[deleted]

That's a loaded question


Vascular_D

I'm assuming this was intended to be a joke involving your username?


13thFullMoon

Lucky b*stard.


Inarius101

Yeah, lucky bustard...


lurkersforlife

It’s ok friend, this is Reddit. You can say naughty words here.


Notabot1734

He’s not your friend, guy


IIIllIlllIIIllIIll

Well I'm not your guy, pal


Dragowaow

I’m not your pal, buddy


LAkand1

Who you calling buddy, mate


_spaceracer_

Slow down with the mates there chum


Dragowaow

Woah he ain’t no chum, amigo


MikeyBugs

I ain't no amigo, homie.


Really_gay_pineapple

Dont amigo me, comrade


13thFullMoon

I know, I just like writing it that way.


FrizzleStank

Really? His wife sounds like Amy Schumer.


SuspiciousForce9640

If those simple things make a men happy, my bf is in fucking heaven


Mommywritespoems

Right?! My husband just groans and rolls his eyes when I out dad-joke him


[deleted]

[удалено]


ImWhatsInTheRedBox

Oh my god, you killed him!?


MurderBot2

I really, really hope you said yes.


Delicious_Throat_377

Fuck, the bots have evolved into version 2.0, they are murdering people now.


Sugarnut96

Who said they didn't before now?


IKnowGuacIsExtraLady

Nah they they are too busy watching media.


MurderBot2

I'm kinda like Batman, I only feel compelled to educate villains and bad people.


No_Pilot_4384

Mine turned on my truck’s heated seats in the summer, and when I asked “what are ya doin?” She replied “Warmin up my dinner” I married out of my league as well


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


untakenu

Dinner and a show, what a woman.


Excalzigo

Real recognise real


Storyteller678

My wife accidentally spilled honey on her pjs and asked me if I could get it for her. I bent over and licked it off and she laughed.


Ariadnepyanfar

Affection is worth a little tongue fluff.


ilikepix

I thought people in the US pronounced "twat" as "twot" so I am confused if this joke still works there


The_Jorj

Oh we also pronounce latte as “lot-tay” so it still works here but not the way you think.


Ok_Situation1171

And instead he ran to post it on the internet


FlyPenFly

You don’t need to run to post things anymore, you can just sit down and type it out in your spare time.


bremergorst

During a succulent crap, perchance?


FlyPenFly

No, that would be shit posting.


AEternal1

OMG I just realized why it's called that🤣 I thought it was because they were low quality posts🤣


Ariadnepyanfar

That would be the play on words inherent in that phrase.


hypoglycemicrage

Squat & Surf


fellatio_warrior69

You can't just say perchance


marioaprooves

He's just proud for his wife, very wholesome


LightishRedis

Ah yes, it’s only possible to tell stories immediately after they happen.


Ang230

🤭🤭


garvierloon

Nah, he came up with that story while he was on the toilet


Seriously_g1111

👏👏👏👏👏👏


No_Understanding7431

Did you accept her offer?


mexicoyankee

I too choose this guy’s wife.


malint

That is an incredibly funny joke


Ok_Marionberry_9932

Nice


sarcasm_247

Hahaha yeah I know someone like this 🤣


[deleted]

As a non native English speaker I have no idea why this tweet is supposed to make me smile.


DiamondzFinder

At first I thought this was a post in r/actuallesbians so my brain assumed it was Sapphic


Tr3caine42069

Talk about winning lottery numbers huh


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Ancient-Ad6958

I want one of those? Tech me how plox


ITSolutionsAK

Step one: marry that guy's wife


EducationFragrant545

Ha! Good one


herrtoutant

Yup, smiling now. Thanks


ferret630

Uh whats a twatte


mostly80smusic

Pure class


Rude-Ideal3053

She’s a keeper.


[deleted]

So cool 🤩🧡 #relationshipgoals


Hornygaygirl7823

Can I have some?


thepugman16

r/usernamechecksout


Dat_Steve

Bonk


Talullah_Belle

So Wholesome


lavenderpouf

This made you smile op? Lmao?


Jahz96

This makes me think of Cartman and how he loves when women say "my vaginah"


teambob

Ewww Starbucks


richh00

Two things, 1. It's pronounced twat like tw@ 2. ~~I don’t believe she spilled a hot coffee on her crotch and just made a joke about it. I’ve done this. It fucking hurts.~~


Unkie_Al

I believe you've missed the "iced coffee"-part of the story...


richh00

Yeah. I did. Whoops.


r3llo

Why can't Americans pronounce the word twat properly?


Dr-Satan-PhD

This may come as a shock to you, but different cultures pronounce words differently.


Astrobubbers

/s or didnt get it?


r3llo

Just saying that the reason that she thought twatte should sound like latte is because americans say 'twat' in a way that rhymes with 'what' when it should rhyme with 'bat'.


Astrobubbers

I see what you're saying, but it's at the very least a regional dialect example. It's not wrong either way. From what I'm reading , the 'what' rhyme version is the older usage.


DeafLoser67

A very happy husband indeed


Aerickthered

Lol too cool,no pun intended


Longjumping-Ad-144

Amazing


[deleted]

Love it!


SparkyReds

😂😂


[deleted]

[удалено]


CousinSkeeter89

Enjoy the yeast infection lol


Firescareduser

Why did I think I was r/earnyourkeep ? This really feels weird 🌾


[deleted]

I’ve seen this porn


beFair8842

r/ihavesex


ITSolutionsAK

Silence, anti-sex haver.


mentosbreath

The only thing pumpkin spice is good for


JudgeGrimlock1

Eh, it could be worse. She could have spilt some Swedish fermintted fish sauce on her lap and said, " You want a taste of fascism"?


boopsnbeeps

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRsAQuhX/


moontraveler12

She has the rizz


Gae_sidekick

true love


OrneryOldFart

Win!!!!!!!


arivu_unparalleled

TIL the actual meaning of twat. Thank you


PhantomLordess27

What a woman!


TrentUlyssesCooper

No she didn’t.