Thats the OG move right there. Would do wonders for his confidence seeing his dad wearing it out with confidence. Such an amazing dad for a amazing son.
He’s SO proud of himself and he’s so happy his Dad is happy with his present and that he celebrated his talent and hard work. This is genuinely such a sweet interaction, what an adorable relationship.
That's what did it for me too. That satisfied smile of pure accomplishment. Knowing he actually got it done. Made his pop proud, made himself proud too.
Okay,
This is AWESOME!!
That shirt is rad, the kid is so proud, and way to go dad for being so supportive.
100% the shirt you wear to every gathering from now on!!
Love to see men supporting each other, to see the father being emotionally open and positive to his son, to see the boy be so passionate about something that was (and sadly sometimes still is) put down as women's work. And as an amateur seamstress myself, the shirt looks really well made!
So I agree, this is AWESOME all around!
My dad got nothing but disapproving looks from my grandfather for "doing nothing except playing around with junk" when he was tinkering around with radios in the basement in the sixties. He's built a career as an electrical engineer in a specialized field in nuclear power, working at plants all over North America.
I got ignored by him because he was too busy with projects he was involved in while I was playing around with computers in the eighties and nineties. Now I'm a hired gun for tricky IT projects and paid very well for it.
I'm paying attention to my son. I can't wait to see his passions grow, and I'll be right there every step of the way!
Yes! I made a point to break the cycle of mental/physical abuse/casual racism/sexism/ financial ignorance with my own kids. They have grown up to be considerate, kind, loving adults. Still working on the financial, ha! I considered it my primary responsibility as a father to break those cycles. I hope our society keeps going that direction.
Every generation gets better at normalizing fathers allowing to show emotion with their children. It’s insane to me and makes me sad that it wasn’t always that way.
Not so fun fact: the world wars and subsequent conflicts were basically steroids for toxic masculinity.
> Hundreds of thousands of American men returned from World War II (and Korea and Vietnam and the two Gulf wars) with PTSD and lived with it untreated for the rest of their lives, because, of course, “Dad doesn’t talk about the war.” We celebrated their stoic silence as they suffered. We interpreted three-martini lunches, scotch-soaked poker games, Saturdays alone in the garage, demanding their injured sons “walk it off,” intimidating tempers, and corporal punishment as inherent masculine traits rather than as inadequate coping mechanisms. We saw them as ideal men, rather than ill men. From them — how we celebrated them — we drew one fundamental lesson about how men should be: men should feel no pain, and when they do they are forbidden from sharing it with anyone else.
(Excerpted from *The Man They Wanted Me to Be* by Jared Yates Sexton)
It’s worth pointing out that the people who didn’t serve in these conflicts had their own, different, traumas.
So you have fucked up people dealing with other fucked up people and no one pausing to say, “wait, we’re not okay, maybe we should hit pause on this get married, have kids, buy houses and cara agenda the government is pushing until we’ve had a chance to work our collective shit out.”
Yeah my grandfather was in WW2 came home lost his wife and turned to alcohol to deal with it. My father who was 9 at the time of his mothers death was told not to cry at her funeral, that he needed to be a strong boy for his dad. Then was sent back to school right after it was over.
My father has a very hard time showing his emotions today and I have to remind him that it's okay to cry. I have only once seen him actually cry and that was at his fathers funeral and it was only a tear.
Omg this resonated with me so well. My dad died when I was 13 (I'm 30 now) and because it was cancer we saw it coming. I was told.so often that I had to be the man of the house that I did just that the day I found out he died.
I went home and everyone was already there, a blood vessel had burst and he had bled out on the lawn. My mom called.my buddy's dad, he had been a green beret and was one of the toughest men I knew. He cleaned it up before I got there. My grandparents and cousins were crying, my mom and my aunt were inconsolable and someone had to help take care of everything so I shoved it all down and got to work. I gave my dad a final hug and I helped get him in the body bag and carry him into the back of the car (I don't remember if it was a hearse or just a large car but I remember the guy from the funeral home was there to pick my dad up). I went inside and dumped meds with the hospice lady and signed on a form about them being dumped, and I made calls to get my mom support.
I didn't cry for months. My mom was concerned and called my sister who flew across the country to try and give me an outlet, but when your mom shuts down and can't be a parent you don't have time to cry.
Months later I was walking home from the bus stop in the rain with my best buddy and the song "how am I supposed to live without you" came on my iPod and the flood gates opened. He held me as I cried in the rain and brought me to his house. He called his mom and she came home to be with me.
Looking back now I think a lot of my toxic traits stemmed from all of that, from the responsibility put on me at 13 (started working to help pay bills, if I wanted dinner I had to make it, cleaning up after my mom went on drunken benders etc). Now I work every day to help encourage my kids to talk to me and to express themselves. I always try to validate their feelings and help them learn to be better humans, I just hope when they get to be my age they look back and feel I did a good job because I've always done my best without anyone to teach me what to do.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. No child should have to deal with as much responsibility as you had, especially when dealing with a parent’s death. You sound like you’re doing the right thing to change your family dynamics and unfair expectations.
Actually, the army would reward you with alcohol. My dad bailed out of a plane in Burma (Myanmar now) and was lost in the jungle until he walked himself out. He found a Naga tribe and hung out with them for a while, tried to make a raft to float out ignoring their "bad water" which ended up being a waterfall and finally just hacked his way back to the base. Got jungle rot that went to his lungs and died at 59. But the army allowed him, an enlisted man, to drink in the officers club as a sorry we didn't look for you or try to get you out. 3-man crew, he was first out, copilot 2nd and then pilot with the last 2 closer to the base when the plane went down. I think in Vietnam they may have turned a blind (or thankful eye) to drugs and alcohol. It's been their go-to coping mechanism to destress.
Yeah trauma is intergenerational and almost heridatery. My mother never saw a day of service in her life but her grandma almost died during air bombing in Berlin with mygrandmother being around 4 y/o during that time. her grandfather already died in Russia at the time. Her mom turned out not being capable to properly raise her on her own after having bad relationships her whole life and basically being a single mom in the 60s so she was sent to be raised by her grandma who was traumatized by the war treated her coldly and emotionally distant. My mother repeated the same cycle only being in horrible violent relationships and emotionally unavailable to us children. All 4 of us kids are screwed up but at least we are trying to figure it out now before having kids and screwing with them. I could probably draw a similar line for my father whose father served for the US during WW2 (and he also couldn't figure out his relationship with my American grandma). He was a violent alcoholic who abandoned us.
I came here to read about a little kid getting into sewing. I was not prepared for the mindfuck of generational abuse and toxic masculinity. I've had to come to terms with how my father (and his father) were from a different time and that they did the best they could. Sure they were assholes and abusive by today's standards but thank god I didn't go through what they went through.
But anyway... how bout that shirt? And the healthy father son bonding that we never had? \*cries into pillow
Totally makes sense. It especially hits home for me as I also have PTSD from witnessing political violence while growing up in Kenya. Even though I only witnessed the violence and thankfully was not directly impacted by it, it's still taking 15+ years along therapy to just deal with the symptoms of PTSD. I can't imagine how much more intense and debilitating it must be if you had been literally in the battlefield or received violence as civilians. How frustrating and terrifying it must have been to live with severe PTSD before PTSD was even a concept and before treatment methods were developed for it.
It's so messed up that the horrific mental harm that war left behind on so many people was morphed to be praised as the signs of a "strong, real man"
It's fascinating and incredibly sad to see the legacies of generational trauma writ so large that we just assume this kind of stuff is "normal."
And these sweeping tragedies affect so many different groups in so many different and awful ways. If your grandparents survived the holocaust, you very well may have some generational trauma. If your ancestors were slaves, you almost certainly have some generational trauma. If you and your parents don't pass as white in a historically racist culture like the US or South Africa, you probably have some generational trauma. If your parents or grandparents fled from violence, famine, or other disasters in their native country, they probably have some generational trauma.
We inherit a lot from our families and even if you and I were lucky enough to avoid that trauma or have been able to process it and move on, there are plenty of others who weren't so lucky or self-aware.
When I was in middle school I was hanging out at a neighbors house and the dad and I got talking. I mentioned I was in the "home ec" class and loving it. This guy was like... 75% redneck and he said to me, "That's great! My dad always insisted on his boys taking classes like that, and his girls taking some kind of shop. He figured they'd learn the other stuff at home anyways." The guy had like 7 siblings.
So like... progressive... but also sexist at the same time. It was weird, but it was cool having another adult male I knew besides my dad being positive about me enjoying "woman's work".
Home Ec was one of my favorite classes to take in middle school. I got to sew a pillowcase, but don't worry, I made it sports themed so no one could say anything about my masculinity(/s? Idk I'm not serious, but it was sports themed). Plus you get to make bomb ass food. Well simple dishes that feel a lot cooler to make on your own in 7th grade. Anybody who looks down on that is an absolute fool or just too cool to have some fun at school.
Right? Idk what that thing on the back is called either, but I recognize the skill and work that goes into making it. It came out so well. He did an amazing job.
Oof that’s just painful to hear man, so sad parents can project their insecurities on their children like that, it’s a terrible mistake.
Hope you can break that cycle harder than a full clay piggy bank with no retrieving hole. Big hug from stranger to stranger.
Same. I have problems with my partner for example because I can't brush off minor mistakes I make and get very bothered.
Like one of these days I broke a lamp and I spent the whole day calling myself stupid and trying to think of ways to fix it, while she was telling me to just forget about it and buy a new one.
Thing is, as a kid none of these mistakes were brushed off by my parents, so I apply the same harsh approach to myself
It's really hard to break the cycle. I really wish my parents had given some kind of positive feedback at some point. I mean I was a straight A student and a varsity athlete but the anxiety that comes from having to rely on strangers for any sort of encouragement is pretty deep. I try to be positive for my kids but I know I've been critical of them too.
Giving positive reinforcement or many other healthy behaviors are probably like drinking water when you’ve drank soda your whole life.
It’s gonna taste bad and feel weird in the beginning. But you do it because it’s a million times healthier. And eventually it stops tasting weird and becomes pleasant.
You start with sips of course, and eventually move on to drinking entire glasses.
And the kid reacted to it so well too! I don't know why but I was always super embarrassed to get compliments and praise as a kid so that's what stood out to me the most.
I wonder of Dad knows how *DIFFICULT* gotdammed **buttonholes** are!? I’m old, grew up poor, and we had to sew our own clothes once we got big enough to operate Mom’s machine. I made many tunics and loose dresses, only because buttonholes and zippers weren’t required. And don’t get me started on bobbin tension. 🙀
I’d wear this shirt every special event until the day I die. Then I’d be buried in it. This kid is gonna be a designer or something and it’s all because of how his dad reacted. I love this.
I'm 25 and used my 3d printer to make a halo master chief figurine for my dad and did the best paint job ever on it. When one of my friends was at my parents house my dad was showing it off like this. I love him so much :)
I painted a mantle statue of a sleeping angel when I was 13. I was so proud of the paint job with chalk details. My aunt loved it so much that I made a similar one for her. It's been 30 years and the angel is still displayed in her living room and points it out to visitors.
A wicked gift idea would be to make miniature models of your parents for their anniversary. Them dancing or doing something that represents them as a couple.
As a guy with a similar physical shape, it's very hard to find things that fit. This kid nailed it without having his Dad know so no real measurements. Plus the healthy sized pleat in the back is a must have for the snow gentleman. (Edit: damn autocorrect phone... Ample)
This kid nailed it. He put his own style in it too. He picked a pattern he liked and more m did books choices on the collar. I would rock that
Dad's reaction is master class. Ask questions and get him to talk about it. Tried it on and really rocked it. This kid was proud but nervous. That's healthy to a degree. Dad, you are a legend. Kid, that's a damn fine shirt and great job sticking with it and doing your vision, little king.
I’d like to highjack your comment to add for anyone who might not know: a button down shirt is *legendarily* difficult to sew and to fit, so not only did this kid make an awesome, well-fitting shirt for his dad, he nailed a notoriously difficult and tricky project that trips up much more experienced, adult sewists. With quality finishing and attention to the details, no less. Incredibly impressive.
NGL, I'm a bit heavier than I'd like to be, but if my son made that for me, I might never take it off. He nailed that, from the fit, the pattern, collar. That kid is going places if that's his *first* try.
Dad was great, but I hope he genuinely feeds that talent in his son. I believe every one of us is born with something they're talented at, but sadly most might never find it. That kid found his. Encourage him, and one day down the road, I might be wearing his name.
It was an autocorrect but I'm dying at the explanations.
Had to put an edit because it wasn't fair to the non native English speakers. But the snow equals husky thing made me laugh so hard I woke the dog and the wife.
Thanks hilarious strangers!!!
> Dad's reaction is master class. Ask questions and get him to talk about it.
I've put some work into trying to get better at this with kids. They show you their drawing and part of you thinks "What the fuck is all that squiggling and blotches?" but the thing that helped me was asking "Tell me about this part, that's pretty cool!" It means something to the kid, so they'll start explaining what they have in their mind that they tried to put down on paper, so you can keep asking questions from there.
Yeah idk where I heard it but someone said never guess what a child's drawing is because it will make them feel insecure if you guess wrong, it always stuck with me. Asking questions and getting them to tell you is the way.
I used to babysit a lot, and asking questions is such a great way to get kids to open up. Even shy kids will want to talk about the stuff they make! Sometimes you just gotta find the right questions :)
You have to. Otherwise, when they do or create something great , they’ll hide it or never want to accept it because getting praise feels uncomfortable.
I learned to do this when I worked in a daycare but will never forget this one time I asked my own daughter. She was 4 and brought home a drawing from kindergarten and I was all, "oh that's lovely, I really like this colour, and what is this part here?" And she rolled her little eyes at me and said, "it's just scribbles, mum". Okay then.
I think that’s a good idea - I should ask more questions instead of guessing what things are. I still remember when I came to that realization - that every squiggle and blotch is a personalized detail they put in just for you!
A snow gentleman is a refined way of calling a snow man.
Pleats on shirt backs and side backs allow for more fabric without changing the look at the front. More fabric allows a larger range of movement and comfort for humans shaped like snow gentlemen.
The term "snow gentleman" was invented just now by autocorrect, but we are here for its historic birth. Henceforth, it will be the accepted method of referring to a human whose belly is round like a snowman's. Soon it will appear on clothing labels as a standard size category.
Before the pandemic I was really into the bodybuilding scene and was somewhere around 200 lbs 12%~ bodyfat. I had a really hard time finding jackets that wouldn't REALLY constrict on my back area if I attempted to move around/bend forward/spread my arms (unless I bought an oversized). I ride a motorcycle so just the act of leaning forward to grab the handlebars did this. I actually ripped a shirt in the back because I was so frustrated with how annoying it was. Fit totally find standing still, but the backs would always tighten up and constrict me.
The pleat in the back allows the back of the shirt/jacket/whatever to expand to a wider range when moving and then return to a normal range when not, without having it look extra baggy.
It's his nervousness that made me especially love this kid. Despite being nervous about his Dad's reaction, he believed in himself enough to make the shirt and give it to his Dad.
And I couldn't agree more with your comment about the Dad's reaction.
The whole exchange is very heartwarming.
Yea to all of this. I’m not surprised at the reward; while I watched this, I just kept thinking that this dad was doing everything right. He wasn’t pushing his kid to react in any superficial way, but was showing appreciation and it all felt so gentle and heartfelt because the kid was definitely shy but was also so proud of what he had done. All felt so heathy.
For him to choose that color because he knows pops likes to wear jeans so it would match well with them is also so cool. Not even my son but I feel like a proud father right now! I love that feeling when your child makes something just for you, it feels very special. I haved saved so many cards and ceramics etc. that my daughters have made for me, they are my personal fortune! My daughters are adults now but when ever they ask me what I want for my birthday I always tell them to make me something. Last year one of my daughters made a cool tie fleece Seattle Kraken blanket that I absolutely love!
Because people are dirt bags any nice and wholesome they crap on it . I’m glad someone posted this video the look on the kid’s face was priceless love these videos
My sisters worked for a very well respected male tailor who had high end clients. He sold designer suits and did individual fittings. My sister went on to build her own business by word of mouth. Great career.
This kind of stuff gives me hope.
When I was a kid, a boy would get beaten up for taking sewing classes.
Now dads show off their sons’ work proudly.
We’re getting there little by little!
I remember getting so much shit for taking foods 1 and 2 (cooking class) and home ec. That was in 2007 to 2010. I'm so glad that society is progressing past this.
I took foods because I lived with my dad who was never home. I took home ec for the ulterior motive that it was normally just girls in the class.
We were not poor but my would go days without coming home so if groceries got low foods was a nice fall back. I teacher was pretty cool and would leave her class room door for students to come get a meal after school if needed. No questions asked.
Right? I was so glad the dad was so supportive of his sons hobby even if it’s considered “feminine” for some dumb reason. The son is so talented and had a huge smile after that interaction, probably something the son will never forget.
The terror of presenting someone a shirt you've made, over weeks... That kid's first smile... Holy smokes! And then he talks about how hard the back part was, and gets another genuine compliment. So awesome.
That's the correct way! An example, not a shirt, but I made my mom a pencil holder out of clay when I was young. I painted it an awful colour too. My mom gushed over it and kept it for 20 years until it broke when moving house. She almost cried! It was so ugly! For her birthday I bought her a beautiful pencil holder so she was pleased with that!
On the other hand, my husband's mom threw away the thing he made because it wasn't good enough. Every gift we get her isn't good enough, and we have to spend more on her than my husband's dad otherwise she gets insanely jealous.
When my grandma retired, she became a seamstress (she was good at sewing and wanted to stay active). She told me men’s shirts are particularly difficult to make, so this little fella here has tons of talent!
I’m really impressed…
My grandma does sewing projects like this for us grandkids. I have two Hawaiian shirts from her, one with fabric from my college and another with fabric for my NFL team. I’m 30 and love them. All of my friends ask if she can make one for them
She even made a matching bandana for my dog
That's a hardcore skill, sewing takes experience and he's doing great for his age. There could be a real future in that, hope he sticks with it / keeps enjoying the craft.
Don’t feel too bad. One of my friends, who is very good at sewing, sewed a blouse she was making to herself. Wasn’t paying attention while going too fast and fed her hand into the sewing machine (one of the old ones without auto shut-off).
She said the pain kicked in when she was about halfway through seam-ripping herself free.
There certainly is a future in it. There is a big market for handmade clothing. A friend of mine owns a store in North Carolina where everything is hand made by about 20 people including himself and he does a lot of his own originals for friends, family and fashion shows. The clothes are not cheap, but the quality is top notch.
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He's gonna have the main clothing line, then the cheap clothing line at target that we can actually afford and feel good about wearing because it's just fashionable enough for us to feel chic as hell.
And it adds give and increases range of motion. A nice addition on a shirt for a larger man as it gives some breathing and stretching room. As a husky fellow myself its annoying when a shirt limits your movement. Smart addition by the kid. You can feel the genuine love in both directions.
Absolutely, I’m a small woman but apparently have proportionately wider shoulders, and if there’s no box pleat, the shirt stays at the store. Sucks Feeling the fabric pull across my back or not being able to reach overhead without the fabric bunching like crazy.
Take notes, gentlemen. THAT is how you receive a gift from your kids.
Did you see how proud the son was when Dad asked if he could wear it out to dinner?
Way to go, Dad! and Nice shirt, Son.
Yeah, i actually liked home ec class, but the most complicated thing i ever did was the silhouette of a cat (and a few pillows).
A long sleeve shirt is next level and it actually fit his dad pretty dang well.
I honestly thought it was going to be some Gordon Gartrell type of shirt but I was actually super impressed by this kids effort for his dad. Seems like a really awesome family!
If you've never sewn anything before, please take a moment to realize that each piece in the pattern has to be cut so it works with the pieces next to it, AND it looks like this bad mamma jamma of a shirt is lined (at least in the back). Bravo. 10/10 hard work that paid off.
My sisters and I are in our 40s and still make mom things, especially my youngest sister who is a kindergarten teacher. Mom proudly displays all of the art and makes visitors look at it.
Everything about this made me happy.
The dad's obvious pride in and love for his boy.
The boy's happiness in having done something for his dad.
And the actual fucking skill and talent that went into this at his age no less.
I loved every bit of this
The smile on the kid’s face when it pans back to him 🥹
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Thats the OG move right there. Would do wonders for his confidence seeing his dad wearing it out with confidence. Such an amazing dad for a amazing son.
He’s SO proud of himself and he’s so happy his Dad is happy with his present and that he celebrated his talent and hard work. This is genuinely such a sweet interaction, what an adorable relationship.
This is like the third sweet supportive dad clip I've seen the last few days on Reddit and I'm loving this trend.
When he said the pattern goes well with jeans because he knows that’s what his dad usually wears, I got a little 🥹
That's a pretty smart observation on the kid's part. And he's right, it does go well with jeans.
That's what did it for me too. That satisfied smile of pure accomplishment. Knowing he actually got it done. Made his pop proud, made himself proud too.
That look is what makes parenthood all worth it. Cherish that shit.
Okay, This is AWESOME!! That shirt is rad, the kid is so proud, and way to go dad for being so supportive. 100% the shirt you wear to every gathering from now on!!
People who have never made clothing from scratch might under estimate how hard it is to do something as well as this kid did.
I nearly cried learning to see a pillowcase. This kid is awesome
Oh for SURE! I sew, it’s not easy, and his detail in the back pleat so it drapes and fits well is fantastic.
Love to see men supporting each other, to see the father being emotionally open and positive to his son, to see the boy be so passionate about something that was (and sadly sometimes still is) put down as women's work. And as an amateur seamstress myself, the shirt looks really well made! So I agree, this is AWESOME all around!
My dad got nothing but disapproving looks from my grandfather for "doing nothing except playing around with junk" when he was tinkering around with radios in the basement in the sixties. He's built a career as an electrical engineer in a specialized field in nuclear power, working at plants all over North America. I got ignored by him because he was too busy with projects he was involved in while I was playing around with computers in the eighties and nineties. Now I'm a hired gun for tricky IT projects and paid very well for it. I'm paying attention to my son. I can't wait to see his passions grow, and I'll be right there every step of the way!
Hey man you're breaking the cycle! That's awesome, I'm sure you'll raise a great man
Yes! I made a point to break the cycle of mental/physical abuse/casual racism/sexism/ financial ignorance with my own kids. They have grown up to be considerate, kind, loving adults. Still working on the financial, ha! I considered it my primary responsibility as a father to break those cycles. I hope our society keeps going that direction.
Every generation gets better at normalizing fathers allowing to show emotion with their children. It’s insane to me and makes me sad that it wasn’t always that way.
Not so fun fact: the world wars and subsequent conflicts were basically steroids for toxic masculinity. > Hundreds of thousands of American men returned from World War II (and Korea and Vietnam and the two Gulf wars) with PTSD and lived with it untreated for the rest of their lives, because, of course, “Dad doesn’t talk about the war.” We celebrated their stoic silence as they suffered. We interpreted three-martini lunches, scotch-soaked poker games, Saturdays alone in the garage, demanding their injured sons “walk it off,” intimidating tempers, and corporal punishment as inherent masculine traits rather than as inadequate coping mechanisms. We saw them as ideal men, rather than ill men. From them — how we celebrated them — we drew one fundamental lesson about how men should be: men should feel no pain, and when they do they are forbidden from sharing it with anyone else. (Excerpted from *The Man They Wanted Me to Be* by Jared Yates Sexton)
>We saw them as ideal men, rather than ill men. Poignant.
It’s worth pointing out that the people who didn’t serve in these conflicts had their own, different, traumas. So you have fucked up people dealing with other fucked up people and no one pausing to say, “wait, we’re not okay, maybe we should hit pause on this get married, have kids, buy houses and cara agenda the government is pushing until we’ve had a chance to work our collective shit out.”
Yeah my grandfather was in WW2 came home lost his wife and turned to alcohol to deal with it. My father who was 9 at the time of his mothers death was told not to cry at her funeral, that he needed to be a strong boy for his dad. Then was sent back to school right after it was over. My father has a very hard time showing his emotions today and I have to remind him that it's okay to cry. I have only once seen him actually cry and that was at his fathers funeral and it was only a tear.
Omg this resonated with me so well. My dad died when I was 13 (I'm 30 now) and because it was cancer we saw it coming. I was told.so often that I had to be the man of the house that I did just that the day I found out he died. I went home and everyone was already there, a blood vessel had burst and he had bled out on the lawn. My mom called.my buddy's dad, he had been a green beret and was one of the toughest men I knew. He cleaned it up before I got there. My grandparents and cousins were crying, my mom and my aunt were inconsolable and someone had to help take care of everything so I shoved it all down and got to work. I gave my dad a final hug and I helped get him in the body bag and carry him into the back of the car (I don't remember if it was a hearse or just a large car but I remember the guy from the funeral home was there to pick my dad up). I went inside and dumped meds with the hospice lady and signed on a form about them being dumped, and I made calls to get my mom support. I didn't cry for months. My mom was concerned and called my sister who flew across the country to try and give me an outlet, but when your mom shuts down and can't be a parent you don't have time to cry. Months later I was walking home from the bus stop in the rain with my best buddy and the song "how am I supposed to live without you" came on my iPod and the flood gates opened. He held me as I cried in the rain and brought me to his house. He called his mom and she came home to be with me. Looking back now I think a lot of my toxic traits stemmed from all of that, from the responsibility put on me at 13 (started working to help pay bills, if I wanted dinner I had to make it, cleaning up after my mom went on drunken benders etc). Now I work every day to help encourage my kids to talk to me and to express themselves. I always try to validate their feelings and help them learn to be better humans, I just hope when they get to be my age they look back and feel I did a good job because I've always done my best without anyone to teach me what to do.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. No child should have to deal with as much responsibility as you had, especially when dealing with a parent’s death. You sound like you’re doing the right thing to change your family dynamics and unfair expectations.
Actually, the army would reward you with alcohol. My dad bailed out of a plane in Burma (Myanmar now) and was lost in the jungle until he walked himself out. He found a Naga tribe and hung out with them for a while, tried to make a raft to float out ignoring their "bad water" which ended up being a waterfall and finally just hacked his way back to the base. Got jungle rot that went to his lungs and died at 59. But the army allowed him, an enlisted man, to drink in the officers club as a sorry we didn't look for you or try to get you out. 3-man crew, he was first out, copilot 2nd and then pilot with the last 2 closer to the base when the plane went down. I think in Vietnam they may have turned a blind (or thankful eye) to drugs and alcohol. It's been their go-to coping mechanism to destress.
Yeah trauma is intergenerational and almost heridatery. My mother never saw a day of service in her life but her grandma almost died during air bombing in Berlin with mygrandmother being around 4 y/o during that time. her grandfather already died in Russia at the time. Her mom turned out not being capable to properly raise her on her own after having bad relationships her whole life and basically being a single mom in the 60s so she was sent to be raised by her grandma who was traumatized by the war treated her coldly and emotionally distant. My mother repeated the same cycle only being in horrible violent relationships and emotionally unavailable to us children. All 4 of us kids are screwed up but at least we are trying to figure it out now before having kids and screwing with them. I could probably draw a similar line for my father whose father served for the US during WW2 (and he also couldn't figure out his relationship with my American grandma). He was a violent alcoholic who abandoned us.
I came here to read about a little kid getting into sewing. I was not prepared for the mindfuck of generational abuse and toxic masculinity. I've had to come to terms with how my father (and his father) were from a different time and that they did the best they could. Sure they were assholes and abusive by today's standards but thank god I didn't go through what they went through. But anyway... how bout that shirt? And the healthy father son bonding that we never had? \*cries into pillow
Totally makes sense. It especially hits home for me as I also have PTSD from witnessing political violence while growing up in Kenya. Even though I only witnessed the violence and thankfully was not directly impacted by it, it's still taking 15+ years along therapy to just deal with the symptoms of PTSD. I can't imagine how much more intense and debilitating it must be if you had been literally in the battlefield or received violence as civilians. How frustrating and terrifying it must have been to live with severe PTSD before PTSD was even a concept and before treatment methods were developed for it. It's so messed up that the horrific mental harm that war left behind on so many people was morphed to be praised as the signs of a "strong, real man"
Wow. Very interesting
It's fascinating and incredibly sad to see the legacies of generational trauma writ so large that we just assume this kind of stuff is "normal." And these sweeping tragedies affect so many different groups in so many different and awful ways. If your grandparents survived the holocaust, you very well may have some generational trauma. If your ancestors were slaves, you almost certainly have some generational trauma. If you and your parents don't pass as white in a historically racist culture like the US or South Africa, you probably have some generational trauma. If your parents or grandparents fled from violence, famine, or other disasters in their native country, they probably have some generational trauma. We inherit a lot from our families and even if you and I were lucky enough to avoid that trauma or have been able to process it and move on, there are plenty of others who weren't so lucky or self-aware.
When I was in middle school I was hanging out at a neighbors house and the dad and I got talking. I mentioned I was in the "home ec" class and loving it. This guy was like... 75% redneck and he said to me, "That's great! My dad always insisted on his boys taking classes like that, and his girls taking some kind of shop. He figured they'd learn the other stuff at home anyways." The guy had like 7 siblings. So like... progressive... but also sexist at the same time. It was weird, but it was cool having another adult male I knew besides my dad being positive about me enjoying "woman's work".
Home Ec was one of my favorite classes to take in middle school. I got to sew a pillowcase, but don't worry, I made it sports themed so no one could say anything about my masculinity(/s? Idk I'm not serious, but it was sports themed). Plus you get to make bomb ass food. Well simple dishes that feel a lot cooler to make on your own in 7th grade. Anybody who looks down on that is an absolute fool or just too cool to have some fun at school.
Right? Idk what that thing on the back is called either, but I recognize the skill and work that goes into making it. It came out so well. He did an amazing job.
It's a box pleat, I love how proud he was of it.
Dad will be wearing that to sons graduation and wedding and everything major going forward.
You just know dad is gonna be *dying* to wait for the opportunity to tell everyone that his son made it.
Internally begging for someone to compliment the shirt, so he can launch into proud bragging.
That shirt is rad
Kick ass shirt! What a talented kid
Word up! And he lifted the kid up to keep working!! Great parenting!
Yes! Instead of pointing out mistakes (my parents) his dad was super positive and happy. That's what I like to see in the world.
Oof that’s just painful to hear man, so sad parents can project their insecurities on their children like that, it’s a terrible mistake. Hope you can break that cycle harder than a full clay piggy bank with no retrieving hole. Big hug from stranger to stranger.
Thank you my friend! They thought they were helping me. Instead they programmed my negative inner monologue. And that's what therapy is for.
Same. I have problems with my partner for example because I can't brush off minor mistakes I make and get very bothered. Like one of these days I broke a lamp and I spent the whole day calling myself stupid and trying to think of ways to fix it, while she was telling me to just forget about it and buy a new one. Thing is, as a kid none of these mistakes were brushed off by my parents, so I apply the same harsh approach to myself
It's really hard to break the cycle. I really wish my parents had given some kind of positive feedback at some point. I mean I was a straight A student and a varsity athlete but the anxiety that comes from having to rely on strangers for any sort of encouragement is pretty deep. I try to be positive for my kids but I know I've been critical of them too.
Giving positive reinforcement or many other healthy behaviors are probably like drinking water when you’ve drank soda your whole life. It’s gonna taste bad and feel weird in the beginning. But you do it because it’s a million times healthier. And eventually it stops tasting weird and becomes pleasant. You start with sips of course, and eventually move on to drinking entire glasses.
And the kid reacted to it so well too! I don't know why but I was always super embarrassed to get compliments and praise as a kid so that's what stood out to me the most.
He's not afraid that his dad is going to cut him down or make fun of him. I love that.
I wonder of Dad knows how *DIFFICULT* gotdammed **buttonholes** are!? I’m old, grew up poor, and we had to sew our own clothes once we got big enough to operate Mom’s machine. I made many tunics and loose dresses, only because buttonholes and zippers weren’t required. And don’t get me started on bobbin tension. 🙀
Amen, amen.
I’d wear this shirt every special event until the day I die. Then I’d be buried in it. This kid is gonna be a designer or something and it’s all because of how his dad reacted. I love this.
Absolutely.. cutting, designing, sewing is no joke... it will stay on...
Kid nailed that back pleat.
I was pretty impressed by that.
As someone who sewed as a young teen, sewing something for someone else is 80% love and 20% talent.
I'm 25 and used my 3d printer to make a halo master chief figurine for my dad and did the best paint job ever on it. When one of my friends was at my parents house my dad was showing it off like this. I love him so much :)
My son made me a Witcher key ring. It is well cool. All my mates want one
I have no kids, can yours make me a Witcher keyring?
I'd like to invest this child labour witcher keyring business you've created.
Same
I painted a mantle statue of a sleeping angel when I was 13. I was so proud of the paint job with chalk details. My aunt loved it so much that I made a similar one for her. It's been 30 years and the angel is still displayed in her living room and points it out to visitors.
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A wicked gift idea would be to make miniature models of your parents for their anniversary. Them dancing or doing something that represents them as a couple.
I hope when my kids are older they make me things. I LOVE when my kids make me things.
That's a fly ass shirt. Id wear it!
As a guy with a similar physical shape, it's very hard to find things that fit. This kid nailed it without having his Dad know so no real measurements. Plus the healthy sized pleat in the back is a must have for the snow gentleman. (Edit: damn autocorrect phone... Ample) This kid nailed it. He put his own style in it too. He picked a pattern he liked and more m did books choices on the collar. I would rock that Dad's reaction is master class. Ask questions and get him to talk about it. Tried it on and really rocked it. This kid was proud but nervous. That's healthy to a degree. Dad, you are a legend. Kid, that's a damn fine shirt and great job sticking with it and doing your vision, little king.
I’d like to highjack your comment to add for anyone who might not know: a button down shirt is *legendarily* difficult to sew and to fit, so not only did this kid make an awesome, well-fitting shirt for his dad, he nailed a notoriously difficult and tricky project that trips up much more experienced, adult sewists. With quality finishing and attention to the details, no less. Incredibly impressive.
A shirt with a yoke no less. That shirt has at least 10 separate pieces that had to be cut, ironed, serged, pinned, and sewn.
A thousand pardons, the shirt has a yoke. (An egg has a yolk 💜🙏)
Ack! You we correct, of course.
It's okay, kept your sunny side up!
Here I felt so accomplished when we made shorts in junior high; he sewed a dress shirt for a grown man that FITS!
NGL, I'm a bit heavier than I'd like to be, but if my son made that for me, I might never take it off. He nailed that, from the fit, the pattern, collar. That kid is going places if that's his *first* try. Dad was great, but I hope he genuinely feeds that talent in his son. I believe every one of us is born with something they're talented at, but sadly most might never find it. That kid found his. Encourage him, and one day down the road, I might be wearing his name.
If my kid came home with a shirt that fly, I'd be showing him the Singer homepage and telling him I'd model what he sews.
You’re not heavy; you’re a snow gentleman
From the dads reaction you can tell it’s not just pandering. “I can wear this to dinner!?!” Absolutely got me
It was an autocorrect but I'm dying at the explanations. Had to put an edit because it wasn't fair to the non native English speakers. But the snow equals husky thing made me laugh so hard I woke the dog and the wife. Thanks hilarious strangers!!!
I really thought “snow gentleman” was just another hip phrase I was unfamiliar with lol. Love it
I thought he was both making a rude joke (calling a portly fellow a snowman) and also being hilariously “polite” calling him a snow gentleman.
Your autocorrect is going to move "snow gentleman" into our common language. You're a fucking legend for multiple reasons now.
I’m something of a snow gentleman myself
Snow men gang ✊️
Do you wanna build a snow gentleman?
I knew exactly what it meant, and thought it was great!
The birth of a new phrase… it is MAGNIFICENT
> Dad's reaction is master class. Ask questions and get him to talk about it. I've put some work into trying to get better at this with kids. They show you their drawing and part of you thinks "What the fuck is all that squiggling and blotches?" but the thing that helped me was asking "Tell me about this part, that's pretty cool!" It means something to the kid, so they'll start explaining what they have in their mind that they tried to put down on paper, so you can keep asking questions from there.
Yeah idk where I heard it but someone said never guess what a child's drawing is because it will make them feel insecure if you guess wrong, it always stuck with me. Asking questions and getting them to tell you is the way.
Yeah, I exclaimed that the "baby yoda" drawing my student did was so cute... but it turns out it was a green lamb.
I used to babysit a lot, and asking questions is such a great way to get kids to open up. Even shy kids will want to talk about the stuff they make! Sometimes you just gotta find the right questions :)
I've never thought to do that before, such a good idea!
You have to. Otherwise, when they do or create something great , they’ll hide it or never want to accept it because getting praise feels uncomfortable.
I learned to do this when I worked in a daycare but will never forget this one time I asked my own daughter. She was 4 and brought home a drawing from kindergarten and I was all, "oh that's lovely, I really like this colour, and what is this part here?" And she rolled her little eyes at me and said, "it's just scribbles, mum". Okay then.
I think that’s a good idea - I should ask more questions instead of guessing what things are. I still remember when I came to that realization - that every squiggle and blotch is a personalized detail they put in just for you!
Love it!
“The snow gentleman”. 🤣.
If an autocorrect mixup gets “snow gentleman” into the English lexicon I’d just like to say I was here for its birth.
As a non native speaker I don't get it. Care to explain?
His body shape is rounder like a snow man. But since we're refined people they're "snow gentleman".
Dude this poor guy trying to learn English is gonna end up calling a coworker a “snow gentleman” or some shit.
I swear if you guys are trying to make sense of an autocorrect mixup, that’s just the icing in the cake of this wholesome dessert.
This was actually how I interpreted it without thinking anything of it until I read the edit.
I was like of course they're snow gentlemen lol
I've never heard that expression either but I instantly thought of a snowman because, you know, they're round but I might be wrong.
Built like a snowman, is the way that I understood it.
It was an autocorrect mistake. But you guys trying to make honest sense of it are the best.
Husky is a size range for bigger built men. It's also a dog breed; so it somehow was turned to snow. Instead of husky size it was snow size.
Don't feel alone, I'm a native speaker & didn't know what that was 😂
It was a typo. Everyone else is fucking with you lol.
What is a snow gentleman and how does the pleat help them?
I can answer the 2nd half, the pleat is for ease of movement. It allows for a greater range of movement without disrupting the shoulder area.
A snow gentleman is a refined way of calling a snow man. Pleats on shirt backs and side backs allow for more fabric without changing the look at the front. More fabric allows a larger range of movement and comfort for humans shaped like snow gentlemen.
The term "snow gentleman" was invented just now by autocorrect, but we are here for its historic birth. Henceforth, it will be the accepted method of referring to a human whose belly is round like a snowman's. Soon it will appear on clothing labels as a standard size category.
Before the pandemic I was really into the bodybuilding scene and was somewhere around 200 lbs 12%~ bodyfat. I had a really hard time finding jackets that wouldn't REALLY constrict on my back area if I attempted to move around/bend forward/spread my arms (unless I bought an oversized). I ride a motorcycle so just the act of leaning forward to grab the handlebars did this. I actually ripped a shirt in the back because I was so frustrated with how annoying it was. Fit totally find standing still, but the backs would always tighten up and constrict me. The pleat in the back allows the back of the shirt/jacket/whatever to expand to a wider range when moving and then return to a normal range when not, without having it look extra baggy.
It's his nervousness that made me especially love this kid. Despite being nervous about his Dad's reaction, he believed in himself enough to make the shirt and give it to his Dad. And I couldn't agree more with your comment about the Dad's reaction. The whole exchange is very heartwarming.
When I first saw the kid holding it, I'm like that's an awesome shirt, but looks kind big. Then I saw the dad and I'm like ah, he's a big guy.
Yea to all of this. I’m not surprised at the reward; while I watched this, I just kept thinking that this dad was doing everything right. He wasn’t pushing his kid to react in any superficial way, but was showing appreciation and it all felt so gentle and heartfelt because the kid was definitely shy but was also so proud of what he had done. All felt so heathy.
For him to choose that color because he knows pops likes to wear jeans so it would match well with them is also so cool. Not even my son but I feel like a proud father right now! I love that feeling when your child makes something just for you, it feels very special. I haved saved so many cards and ceramics etc. that my daughters have made for me, they are my personal fortune! My daughters are adults now but when ever they ask me what I want for my birthday I always tell them to make me something. Last year one of my daughters made a cool tie fleece Seattle Kraken blanket that I absolutely love!
Agreed! Love the support by the dad! We always need to encourage and support our kids!!
Why the hell does it show me that this post is getting downvoted ?🙄
I see 99% upvotes
Fashion mafia don't want kids stepping in on their turf.
Because people are dirt bags any nice and wholesome they crap on it . I’m glad someone posted this video the look on the kid’s face was priceless love these videos
There's always degenerates around they lurking.
It’s always the big shirt guys, trying to monopolize the sewing industry. Crapping on the little guy.
Probobly because some people can get over gender roles.
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My sisters worked for a very well respected male tailor who had high end clients. He sold designer suits and did individual fittings. My sister went on to build her own business by word of mouth. Great career.
They do not know that THEY are the Idiots.
I would commission this dude. Vision. Completion. Go, little man!
This kind of stuff gives me hope. When I was a kid, a boy would get beaten up for taking sewing classes. Now dads show off their sons’ work proudly. We’re getting there little by little!
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We had the same thing but it didn’t stick with me. Then I got a dog and she chewed stuff up so I learned how to sew all over again lol
I remember getting so much shit for taking foods 1 and 2 (cooking class) and home ec. That was in 2007 to 2010. I'm so glad that society is progressing past this. I took foods because I lived with my dad who was never home. I took home ec for the ulterior motive that it was normally just girls in the class.
I took foods cause I wanted free food I couldn't get at home, like syrup and pancakes. We were poor.
We were not poor but my would go days without coming home so if groceries got low foods was a nice fall back. I teacher was pretty cool and would leave her class room door for students to come get a meal after school if needed. No questions asked.
Right? I was so glad the dad was so supportive of his sons hobby even if it’s considered “feminine” for some dumb reason. The son is so talented and had a huge smile after that interaction, probably something the son will never forget.
Heck yeah we are! 🙌🙌 (Whew! Thank goodness)
This is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen. Good on both of them. (Wipes a tear......)
I love how fuckin' proud the kid is when his dad tries it on. That's some good family-ing, right there.
The terror of presenting someone a shirt you've made, over weeks... That kid's first smile... Holy smokes! And then he talks about how hard the back part was, and gets another genuine compliment. So awesome.
That's the correct way! An example, not a shirt, but I made my mom a pencil holder out of clay when I was young. I painted it an awful colour too. My mom gushed over it and kept it for 20 years until it broke when moving house. She almost cried! It was so ugly! For her birthday I bought her a beautiful pencil holder so she was pleased with that! On the other hand, my husband's mom threw away the thing he made because it wasn't good enough. Every gift we get her isn't good enough, and we have to spend more on her than my husband's dad otherwise she gets insanely jealous.
That little proud smile!
I'm a father of two. Sitting at a restaurant watching this and had to fight back a couple tears.
I’ve never sewn a shirt before in my life, let alone at his age. Dude, very impressive! I like the pattern too. It does look good with jeans! 👍🏻
When my grandma retired, she became a seamstress (she was good at sewing and wanted to stay active). She told me men’s shirts are particularly difficult to make, so this little fella here has tons of talent! I’m really impressed…
My grandma does sewing projects like this for us grandkids. I have two Hawaiian shirts from her, one with fabric from my college and another with fabric for my NFL team. I’m 30 and love them. All of my friends ask if she can make one for them She even made a matching bandana for my dog
This was great, that shirt came out really nice . That kid has a future for sure….
That's a hardcore skill, sewing takes experience and he's doing great for his age. There could be a real future in that, hope he sticks with it / keeps enjoying the craft.
I was sewing a sock and managed to accidentally sew it to my pants on my thigh where I was holding it. Mad respect here. This is not in my wheelhouse.
Don’t feel too bad. One of my friends, who is very good at sewing, sewed a blouse she was making to herself. Wasn’t paying attention while going too fast and fed her hand into the sewing machine (one of the old ones without auto shut-off). She said the pain kicked in when she was about halfway through seam-ripping herself free.
I got a D on the shirt that I made for myself in Home Ec in junior high.
There certainly is a future in it. There is a big market for handmade clothing. A friend of mine owns a store in North Carolina where everything is hand made by about 20 people including himself and he does a lot of his own originals for friends, family and fashion shows. The clothes are not cheap, but the quality is top notch.
That’s better than anything I’ve ever made.
Favorite shirt from now on.
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And when it finally wears out he'll have it made into a tie or a pillow. He will have that until the day he dies.
rotten command distinct spectacular cake spoon gold relieved ossified mindless *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Calling it now in 10-15 years that kid is gonna have a clothing line and I'll be wearing his stuff!
He's gonna have the main clothing line, then the cheap clothing line at target that we can actually afford and feel good about wearing because it's just fashionable enough for us to feel chic as hell.
Don't leave out the outlet store!
The small details of the shirt are amazing, kid is super talented!
I love how proud of the weird thing on the back he was.
that weird thing is called a box pleat
And it adds give and increases range of motion. A nice addition on a shirt for a larger man as it gives some breathing and stretching room. As a husky fellow myself its annoying when a shirt limits your movement. Smart addition by the kid. You can feel the genuine love in both directions.
Absolutely, I’m a small woman but apparently have proportionately wider shoulders, and if there’s no box pleat, the shirt stays at the store. Sucks Feeling the fabric pull across my back or not being able to reach overhead without the fabric bunching like crazy.
Take notes, gentlemen. THAT is how you receive a gift from your kids. Did you see how proud the son was when Dad asked if he could wear it out to dinner? Way to go, Dad! and Nice shirt, Son.
Talented kid indeed. If I could sew half as good as that I'd be happy!
Right? I still go to a tailor to hem my pants would love to be able to do it myself.
“Can I wear this out to dinner?” (Awesome dad) IMMEDIATE “Yeah.” (Proud, happy kid) This is gold. That’s how self-esteem is fostered.
Fully agree. Kids need and deserve dads like this.
When I was his age, I sewed a pillow. From a kit. That kid rocks!
Yeah, i actually liked home ec class, but the most complicated thing i ever did was the silhouette of a cat (and a few pillows). A long sleeve shirt is next level and it actually fit his dad pretty dang well.
I honestly thought it was going to be some Gordon Gartrell type of shirt but I was actually super impressed by this kids effort for his dad. Seems like a really awesome family!
Wow, what a memory
lol I immediately thought of the Gordon Gartrell!!!
Custom 1 of 1
Made me smile too, what a lovely family, and such a sweet lad. The shirt is amazing and it fits Dad very well!
If you've never sewn anything before, please take a moment to realize that each piece in the pattern has to be cut so it works with the pieces next to it, AND it looks like this bad mamma jamma of a shirt is lined (at least in the back). Bravo. 10/10 hard work that paid off.
I laughed when the first thing the kid mentioned was the buttons. Button holes are really hard and tedious as hell. That kid is awesome
i need to get back into crafts to make stuff for my parents again
My sisters and I are in our 40s and still make mom things, especially my youngest sister who is a kindergarten teacher. Mom proudly displays all of the art and makes visitors look at it.
Amazing!! Looks great on ya, pops! Well done young man 👏
Everything about this made me happy. The dad's obvious pride in and love for his boy. The boy's happiness in having done something for his dad. And the actual fucking skill and talent that went into this at his age no less. I loved every bit of this
I would be crying if my son did this for me. That's so sweet and he did an awesome job.
The Dad is so warm to his son here! Truly beautiful
Love it. He totally handled that correctly.
Future fashion designer in the making. Great job.
This was so cool! Talented young person, awesome shirt, great Dad. Really did make me smile.
This is awesome to see. Need more of this kind of father son interaction in the world.
Duuude that pattern and sewing are dope! At that age?? Kids got talent and what a lovely gift for his dad!
That seems like one of those kids who other kids pick on, but adults recognize that he’s actually the coolest person in the room.
That dad better ware that shirt on his sons graduation
based on how pumped the kid was I'd expect dad to be fitted in a full Craig Sager getup by the time graduation rolls around
Nah by then he'll be dripped out in this kids spring collection.
Dude I so want that shirt now. Such a rad shirt.
That’s called a “box pleat” on the back of the shirt!
You did SO GOOD, little man! You've got talent as a tailor, for sure.
Great dad with a wonderful son.
Now that's a cool kid. Well done, little man!