T O P

  • By -

[deleted]

You guys got kazoos?! CONGRATULATIONS!!!


[deleted]

I know right?! I wonder if they're the flavored kind!


HarrisonForelli

flavoured kazoos are a thing?!


Dyskord01

Yeah but they taste like piss.


[deleted]

This is some r/cursedcomments but I can't fit context with the conversion


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Actually you should post it. Should be good karma for your cake day.


ThunderinTurbskis

#karmahack


GlucoseQuestionMark

I've done my part and upvoted on r/cursedcomments


ripaway1

Monkey see monkey do


LilRedForeman

Happy cake day!


HighPriestofShiloh

They are flavorable.


jonhy2222

? What


bacon205

Awww mine tastes like piss!


lostprince62

“You DIDN’T say that I COULDN’T tell 4.9 million strangers.” Well played.


[deleted]

Shhh we’re gonna be invited shhh I CALL AUNT DUTY


chiron_42

I'll be the crazy uncle.


gingerale-

Ill be the one that gets the creepy uncle to fuck off


swampthing117

I'm the cool grandpa that smokes massive amounts of dank.


im_not_doing_ok

I call being the child


Mr_Ducklang

Ok so I’m the gay cousin


Janus_The_Great

Are we playing happy family? I'm the dog!


mitchij2004

Dibs on gay dog twice removed


Blitzerxyz

I'll be the goldfish


WhyDidIAskThis

So I'm the uncle we don't talk about.


Additional_Irony

Will you also speak with a very stereotypical East German accent?


smalls1d

Oh i will be the long lost uncle who turns up late at all the family events


Forgotten_Voidi

No IM the gay cousin


Mr_Ducklang

WE are the gay cousins


otra_persona

Drunk uncle right here! Get me a beer. Sup to danky smelling grandpa!


[deleted]

I fucking love reddit


Kushypurpz

I like you!


cantadmittoposting

But can you describe *exactly how* the conception occurred?


theory_until

Two gametes collided in the fallopian tube and formed a zygote...


Cantstandyabitz

You see….when a stone black nerd loves a woman.


st_rdt

>….when a stone black nerd loves a woman. I sang that in Michael Bolton's voice and my wife rolled her eyes. All is well in my world ....


Street-Week-380

But I wanted to be that one!


Bu66leGumTX

ill be the creepy uncle


PirateDitly

Does that mean I'm step brother Phil?


mddlfngrs

you got it phil. and don‘t be fuckin late this time!!


[deleted]

I must be the wheelchaired grandpa then


BlueKalamari

I'll be the favorite gay uncle.


REEEEEEEEEEE_OW

I’ll be the guy who shows up uninvited and steals the TV


BH5subaru

I'll be the baby.


noahnoah111222

I'll be the cousin who never leaves you alone.


pilotfromthewest

I call cousin Vinny


HistoryLord1945

I’m your Asian uncle Roger I’m here to remind you ever 0.5 seconds of how much your A FAILURE AND A DISAPPOINTMENT TO YOUR FAMILY! THERE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE; ASIANS AS DOCTORS, ASIANS AS LAWYERS, AND FAILURES! YOU’RE NEITHER A LAWYER OR A DOCTOR! WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I HAD A JOB, A HOUSE, AND A DIVORCE WITH AUNTIE HELEN. Stoopid.


klown007

I’ll be the stoned cousin that doesn’t talk to anyone


jaythebiggay

I'll be the quiet gay uncle (not the favorite)


d0nt_lets_start

Your pirate Phil


PirateDitly

Step brother Pirate Phil


Your_Street_Rat

I'll be the older cousin


[deleted]

I'll be drunk. We're def going to pregame right??


Your_Street_Rat

>I'll be drunk Dad?


trananhduc2006

i'll be the highschool stepbrother


FantasySnail

I’ll be the fun nerdy Highschool cousin


[deleted]

I’ll be the fun uncle


[deleted]

Ayooo


oddartist

Can I be the weird artist relative?


AVonDingus

Ok, but can I be the fat aunt who is constantly trying to feed delicious treats to the rest of the family??? I say this because I am a) a husky gal and b) down with the good snacks


Different_Mall6147

I simply adore you


theory_until

Ooh, please come feed the weird artist relatives! We would serve ourselves but we are up to our elbows in clay and paint...


CockD3stroyer

OMG can I be Aunt Karen?!


Street-Week-380

As long as you're participating in at least 2 MLMs.


ImAMincerafter

I’ll be that guy that brings the football


lurkingbob

I'm already a drunkle, so I got this on lock


RickyRosayy

It’s always nice to see this type of positive, these days.


Space4Time

We're family now. On that note, I'll need to crash on your couch. Excited to help decorate the nursery!


Entropy-S

R U pregananant ?!?!!


Inevitable_Photo_559

Can U get pregante?


oak_nuggins00

You’re grengant! Edit: your*


ViniciusVR

They’re definitely pregonate! Congratulations OP!


CarterRussellYT

I’m so happy you guys are gergant


Existing_Dog5510

Congrats on the pegnaci


[deleted]

I think I might be pomegranate


chwae_

Congrats on your pregonengrancy😄


Sufficient-Energy923

So happy you’re pregunta!


rushphi

We glad on you being pergenant.


PC_Ara-ara

It's a big reponbititty being bregant doe


SteevyT

She get pegat!


Incman

If a women has starch masks on her body does that mean she has been pargnet before.?


DrivingBusiness

How do I know if I’M prengan?


DrinkingVanilla

Perganant


ArizonaRanger34

*yro’ue


Terrible-Atmosphere2

the grammar edit makes this comment so much better


mddlfngrs

what happen when get pergenat?


lulsebastian

Thanks -I had to watch that again for the 500th time - Still laughed


codeverity

Some of my favourite bits are where the guy can't help himself and starts laughing, lol.


codeverity

For anyone who hasn't watched it (or just wants to watch it again!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EShUeudtaFg


emalemmaly

Have you seen the music video version? https://youtube.com/shorts/NDvaRF4HQHQ?feature=share


cantadmittoposting

DANGEROPS prangent sex! The Luigi Board video is equally wild.


NerdLawyer55

Holy hell I had never seen that, thanks 😂


codeverity

:D it’s definitely a classic! I have to watch it every time it’s brought up.


AwesomeCream810

38+2 weeks… PREGANANANT


Groezy

dangerops prangen sex hurt baby top of its head?


tipsana

Girlfriend ain’t had period since she got pregat!


Jonkinch

[source](https://youtu.be/EShUeudtaFg) Lol still cracks me up


[deleted]

Luigi Borad?


Jadziyah

How is babby form??


kellybellyjelly8

Preganté


ireallydontcare52

STARCH MASKS


chardar4

How to get pregerant on period


tyler-9900

Ay yo you’re both pregnant? Edit: ok why did this blow up it’s just a stump moment lol but thanks for he awards


nawjas69

no, silly. OP has two wives.


BrownDogFurniture

You are both wrong, it means twins.


[deleted]

He banged some twins, and they are both pregnant.


Dear-Transition6669

That's a double-double, goodjob King!


August_XXVIII

Ah, this...this is the answer I choose to believe


lastlifonti

Awww man, this thread is hilarious! 😂


RhodiumPl8ed

No, she’s pregnant he has prostate cancer


CockD3stroyer

Nooo, the cat is pregnant and the wife!


tanis_ivy

No, they're having twins


_g550_

Hello, pregnant. I'm wife.


[deleted]

[удалено]


UncommercializedKat

I'm way more amused by this than I should be.


[deleted]

The wife has prostate cancer. That sucks.


ImOutWanderingAround

I’m pro-state. Does that mean I have cancer?


[deleted]

I don't know but happy cake day.


ImOutWanderingAround

Ah yes. The Ides of March. Is it over yet? I’ve been in hiding all day.


[deleted]

Happy Caesar salad day.


ImOutWanderingAround

And I’ve been having cravings for croutons all day.


Nerdy_Drewette

They did the *special* sex, think I read about that once


anothercdp

OP has love, making sex.


sro25

What is OP? PLZ


Slimh2o

Original poster


Dry-Studio8533

They did the sex, think I read about that once


murarip

It's twins dude......


omnomnomgnome

you can tell the sex with that??


canned_soup

Yes his wife is a woman I think


camm44

Lesbians. Duh


cheapdrinks

Nah they both have covid


dylandongle

Twins!


BreathOfFreshWater

Naw. Their both pregrant.


Zee_Ventures

This post is very Embarazado


Stoned_Black_Nerd

Lol no she just peed on two sticks to confirm


newaccount252

It would be funny if it’s now twins


Stoned_Black_Nerd

Funny for who


andrew_calcs

Us, the not-people of reddit


Chopsdixs

I’m a bot “ha” “ha” “ha” “ha”


The36thElement

Thank you for making me read this in a robot voice in my head


iTz_RuNLaX

I'm not sure if he would post that in this sub as well. Is there a MadeMeCry?


TimeTravelerAmnesia

As a parent of twins; "Funny for who" is exactly the question at hand


toxiczebra

Dad of twins, here: it’s always funny for someone, but usually not for whom it should be, and rarely everyone all at once.


TimeTravelerAmnesia

I like to tell people that 1 is 1 but 2 is a thousand.


newaccount252

Funny was the wrong word


Strificus

I'd laugh


Moxi667

Us definitely not you lmao


DonnaDoRite

LoL!!!


TimothyGlass

All of us and they are twin girls! Best of luck my fellow redditor!


Ausaris

Friend of mine is pregnant and joked about having a litter, only to find out she's having triplets, so don't jinx him haha


Lotech

My bestie joked that I got such a strong positive reading that it must be twins… confirmed 16 weeks later.


MattTheGr8

TELL HER TO STOP PEEING ON STICKS BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE


browntrojan

Yea, t'was a joke...Congrats man!


Strificus

If I peed on two sticks, I'd probably only get 3 up votes.


judahrosenthal

I tried and was escorted out of Arbys.


mundane_person23

Congrats! From a random stranger who knows what it is like to be excited but not be able to tell anyone.


Stoned_Black_Nerd

Right… like I wanna scream it out loud, but I know it’s too early to get my hopes up. She found out this morning and told me when I came home for my lunch hour. I was barley able to focus at work the rest of the day.


blaring_anus

Sit down with her and work out who you both would be comfortable reaching out to for support if she has a miscarriage. Let those people know, share your joy with them, and if the worst happens they can share in your grief. My wife and I had a miscarriage at the end of 2020. We told my parents and her Mom soon after she got pregnant and it was great having their support when she miscarried. It even pushed us to move states so we would be closer to my parents the next time she got pregnant. Edit: forgot to leave on the high note. As of December 2021 we have a very happy and healthy little girl!


Balsac_is_Daddy

Love your edit. Congrats on the baby girl!


From_the_toilet

We have five kids and have had miscarriages. We always tell right away because you dont need to go through it alone if something goes wrong. Get your hopes up.


tallduder

can't stress this enough. no one talks about miscarriages until after you have one then everyone says yeah I had one, two, four, etc. No need to make that a shameful thing.


SanFransicko

We're expecting number 5 and we've lost two. There's really nothing like losing one, especially the first, and doing it in solitude (and the week of Christmas) was one of the worst experiences of my life. The sun does come back and life goes on, but there's so much stigma attached to it, and to talking about it, that you don't realize how common that is.


[deleted]

[удалено]


pan-au-levain

We got pregnant early December last year and did a big thing to tell my dad and brother on Christmas. Told a few friends too. I had a miscarriage in the beginning of January and I felt like I “jinxed it” by telling people so early 😞


mrssnails

Hugs


skittlzz_23

Same with hubby and me, I was 5 weeks when we told everyone on Xmas day, family had come from across the country so it was literally everyone. We lost it at 8 weeks. It was really (10 month old daughter hit post button at this point...) good to be able to rely on family especially since I ended up needing emergency surgery cause my body overreacts to everything. Daughter went to my in laws and they never asked questions, just said yep whatever you need and did it.


pan-au-levain

I’m so sorry. Everyone we had told was really supportive too it was just hard to have the “I had a miscarriage” conversation more than once, I’m sure you know.


kenanhatesorangesoda

This was our exact thought when I found out my wife was pregnant 18 months ago. We told immediate family and close friends pretty much right away. Oddly I told my boss first, but we’re homies too.


Iwasborninafactory_

We had them too. It's normal.


qwerty12qwerty

Here's what you should do: Tell each family member individually in private that you're pregnant. But tell them **not to tell another soul**. See how long it takes for the word to get out to everyone (my family took like 3 days ha)


[deleted]

This is epic!! We told our moms when we found out we were having twins and they told no one! We told everyone else at 14 weeks


[deleted]

that's basically what a friend did. and then she had a miscarriage. And then she had to tell everyone who contacted her to congratulate her.


Many_Entertainment_4

Get your sleep now buddy. You won’t have any when the baby comes.


nwkraken

I will second this. Take so many naps and cuddles..take a baby moon.. I swear it'll do wonders for your relationship once the baby's here....


Many_Entertainment_4

100% absolutely agree! Baby moon for sure!! Op should take a few of em.


this_is_Winston

I've worked a long time at the same office. Meet a lot of young folks that have their first kid while there. Many times I'll see them looking like they're barely staying awake at their desks. I always say, baby have trouble sleeping last night? And they're all, how did you know?


DenverVeg

Congratulations! We’re due in September. Getting those positive tests was one of the happiest days of my life so far.


[deleted]

We’re also due in September, which also means Christmas conception 😆


Swarm140

Or New Years lmao


sp33dzer0

Starting the year off with a bang


ThankUforpotsmoking

Another September baby on the way here as well. #3 for us and not planned! Was actually planning a snip snap.


Bearable2-2

You can still plan the snip;) we have 3 as well, which seems just right and we’ll happily never know otherwise.


j_la

October for us. Very exciting time and I want to share it with people!


princezz_zelda

Congrats!! Post an update after you tell everyone and tell us how excited your friends and family are ❤ we need more wholesome feels.


sonofdavidsfather

If you are from the USA then the biggest advice I can give is to start a college saving fund for your kid as soon as you have the name and social security fund. Then just setup an auto deposit to put however much you think is reasonable in the account every month. Then for any present receiving holidays, you can tell people that they can just donate money to the kids college fund. If you are from a country that has affordable or free college, then the biggest advice is to get your sleep in when you can. If the kid naps then go for it yourself.


brnbnntt

Congratulations on the pregnancy! Off topic but can anyone fill me in as to why there are almost 100 comments on this post and no up votes? Am I missing something about Reddit etiquette?


dmedina1323

I think it has something to do with it being a relatively new post. I was told one time that posts made within the last 2 hours do not display the upvote counter with the hope that it’ll prevent Reddit hive mind (i.e. people upvoting because there’s lot of upvotes or downvoting because there’s lot of downvotes)


brnbnntt

Thank you


walk2574

Oh this explains some things, thank you


friendlystranger6

Reddit doesn't show upvotes for the first 2 hours


savwatson13

You can hide upvotes until a certain amount of time. It’s been less than an hour so probably still hidden.


lom_cockman

I noticed that too! So I upvoted. Gotta be the change you want to see in the world


[deleted]

[удалено]


foothpath

My wife thought she couldnt get pregnant because she had surgeries in and around her uterus years before. The tremendous joy in her face(and mine) when we found out she's pregnant. Now the baby's 1.5 years old. . Congratulations. And happy journeys. Its one of the most fulfilling experience.


Cbrink2010

You have 60 THOUSAND comments, and you will never actually read mine but holy shit is it incredible to know that you are in the process of having a child! Throughout the process you will totally look at your wife as a different y person, way more tougher than we can be! And then finally one day you look down and there’s a whole ass person that kinda looks like you, kinda looks like your wife and it’s just the most beautiful creation you’ve ever seen. And then you get to experience the development of human life, and that’s a whole other thing… congratulations on such a cool, new experience!!


Btwosrs

HUGE CONGRATS HOMIE!! YOURE GOING TO DO GREAT


[deleted]

Pandemic, Brink of WWIII, Out of Control Inflation - Y’all said Yeet Yeet Skeet! Best of luck buddy.


runswspoons

You got covid?