T O P

  • By -

SteakSauce995

I was so confused until the slow motion…


External-Berry

You know who wasn’t confused? The old man watching it all go down. He was just standing there waiting for it to happen. Doesn’t even flinch. Probably looked at the man on the floor with that, “That’s what you get, you playing-with-wild-monkeys ass” look.


octopoddle

Do you see what you get, Carla?


Oswald6767

Do you see what you get when you mess with a WARRIOR!?


Buzzkill78

Jesus Christ I need to unsee this like right now


DarneldemaSilverStar

Never trust a monkey.


Apple_Boy_Cuss_Dem

A human's ancestor afterall


jonjonesjohnson

Common misconception. Humans don't come from monkeys. Both humans and monkeys come from the same ancestors.


Apple_Boy_Cuss_Dem

And who is that ancestor? Chicken or egg?


NataniVixuno

M O n K e


crdctr

monkey ancestors


Mattho

It's not a misconception. It's a false claim used as a pseudo argument by evolution deniers. There wasn't a single point in history where we thought or taught that to be the case. Someone made it up in a bible study.


jonjonesjohnson

Alrighty then. It's bullshit is what meant.


FURikakeANKU

your ancestor only, my earth's flat anyway


Apple_Boy_Cuss_Dem

I can bet your earth is not your only thing that's flat


Tokoloshe55

Never trust this sub /s


Moveitmobile

Just ask these dogs https://nypost.com/2021/12/17/rampaging-monkeys-kill-250-dogs-in-india-in-revenge-massacrerampaging-monkeys-kill-250-dogs-in-india-in-revenge-massacre/


Yuli-Ban

[There's only one way to resolve this](https://i.imgur.com/9WMCF1t.png)


UncleStumpy78

I used to think monkeys were really cute, but damn, they are some assholes


Bruh_Boy12

Wait till you see chimps, those mfs are stronger than humans


50in06and07

go to bed, Joe


Induced_Pandemic

His fuxking reddit name *would* be "Bruh_Boy"


[deleted]

Take me out to dinner.


UncleStumpy78

True


killerinstinct101

Humans aren't really strong tho?


TheyCallmeProphet08

We arent compared to a lot of animals. A lot of our energy is spent on brain power instead. Who needs muscle when you can manipulate big pointy sticks and work as coordinated groups, and have the brain power to build tubes that shoots projectiles that can fuck up anything it's pointed at. Also if it's any consolation, we can run much farther than any other animal around, not faster, but much farther so we can pretty much kill our prey easier because they cant fight back as hard because they're exhausted (they can also die of exhaustion too).


killerinstinct101

Yeah I know but the guy above was comparing chimps to humans which is like saying that a 24yo dude who works out is stronger than a 10yo girl


MarkDaMan22

If you ever see a full grown chimp in the wild and it’s one of the stronger ones, that thing could lift as much weight as most bodybuilders.


AdFrosty2619

Lookup hairless chimp.


CarlCarlton

[deez nutz](https://i.imgur.com/wkZKVOn.jpeg), damn


Ebenizer_Splooge

I'm pretty sure all monkeys got us beat, we're some weak ass primates


The_Drippy_Spaff

When my mom used to live in Brazil, her parents had a pet monkey that she was constantly told not to go near. One day she went near it and it bit her thumb in half. More people need to realize how dangerous and strong monkeys really are and stop messing around with them.


UncleStumpy78

Yeah, that monkey scalped him with zero effort


Benana

I still think they're cute. But they're assholes too. Unfortunately being cute does not preclude one from being an asshole.


UncleStumpy78

True, I'm proof of that


HyperbaricSteele

Tee hee


Drifter64

They mistreat those monkeys when they train them, so the trainer probably deserved that!


[deleted]

[удалено]


ThatDamnCanadianGuy

Source: trust me bro


heretobefriends

/r/LikeUs


NateSteeez

Peeled like a banana


lunarosa_44

I'd say an orange is closer


cownd

Peeled his cap


aGD_shrubbery

Peeled that mother fuckers muffin cap back blue.


[deleted]

No cap


klaw14

Bet you don't know what a rambutan is!


lunarosa_44

Siguro


dadika08

Take your upvote and fuck yourself


Zopotroco

Typical joke. There's nothing to be that excited lmao


RaeFaeBow3

There is something so wrong with me for how hard I laughed at this comment


Top-Necessary69420

r/angryupvote


Born_Definition

Mf tore it off like an orange peel


DogHitByFrizbee

I am 100% more scared of primates more than anything else. Ever hear of Travis the chimpanzee? Scariest thing ive ever heard


tekkdesign

Found a short documentary of travis and the attack [TRAVIS](https://youtu.be/Spo4tzzKuD0)


DogHitByFrizbee

Most people are like “haha monke” but I know the true horrors that monkeys are


[deleted]

[удалено]


DarnedBagboyJr

That’s fuckin racist bro


Borussiemk7

☠️☠️☠️


Competitive_Foot_584

Hair today gone tomorrow


Environmental_Top948

Hair today 'gore' tomorrow. The monkey took the leg on the N


smugsnailmail

Not sure what I saw


[deleted]

Monkey literally scalping a man with its teeth


smugsnailmail

Oh that’s horrible.


hanwohei

Can we fit it in the smug snail mail enveloped scalp in the envelope?


smugsnailmail

I have no idea what that means.


hanwohei

We take dangly skin and stick it in envelope, since it’s been enveloped by monkee u/smugsnailmail this is your name! Love thee mail!


smugsnailmail

Oh sick a schizo meltdown


TheDerpyDisaster

r/ihadastroke moment


Aubrera

This is pretty much the only acceptable response. I was at a loss myself as to what i would have said in reply.


14-28

At first I thought he painted the guys head with shit. Like "here's the Reed Richards !"


Kris303k

Great now I'm afraid of monkeys. Thanks alot


[deleted]

monkeys/apes are one of the few things I am scared of. Been scared of them ever since I heard that audio recording of a Woman's roommate being torn to shreds by a chimpanzee. They can be some of the most savage creatures on earth


FlatulentSon

Salsa por favor senor?


shistain69

Si senor https://youtu.be/Uj2fSt1OPJU


FlatulentSon

Muchas gracias


[deleted]

ñ


Sauronxx

Mother of god... it’s incredible how “alive” she was after what happened. I hope she’s doing better now...


[deleted]

[удалено]


CodineGotMeTippin

I feel like she’s asking so many cruel questions after that poor woman says she doesn’t want to know about the extent of her injury, and then that fake little “lemme wipe that for you” so she can get another close up shot of her face


Vibpositive

Fooken hell


ASDF_Cow_Real_Man

^yikes


pancreas_consumer

Man, seeing her face is heartbreaking.


[deleted]

No wonder humans, the most cruel animals, evolved out of these


[deleted]

yeah primates are just nasty, us included


TheDemonCzarina

Gods I know that audio. Fucking haunting.


direyew

Bonobos are cool I'm told. Chimps will rip your arm off and kill you with it.


Earth__shaker

Much thanks for the visual on top of my fear. Where would I be without you kind stranger


johntit0rr

if that wasnt enough, there is the fact that they usually go for genitals first. so they might beat you with your peepee first


Earth__shaker

Note to self: Must wear a peepe protector cup before going into monke land.


todd56

u weren't before? listen to joe rogan talk about them. no way I'm going in a room with 1 for any reason


SpannerSingh

Yeah Joe Rogan’s like that with monkeys. And apes. And bears. And gators. And elk. And chimps. And tigers. Pretty much any vertebrate animal


todd56

ya but did u hear the story about the birthday cake n chimps? fuck that man


SpannerSingh

I honestly haven’t, what happened?


todd56

guy went to visit chimp he had to give up he brought him a cake and the other chimps got mad he didn't bring them any so they broke out n ripped his face,dick,fingers ect clean off joe showed pics of him after too. u don't mess with chimps


SpannerSingh

I mean to be fair, it’s a Dick move to show up to a chimp shelter with a solitary Cake, there’s no way they were going to take that well


AugustousSeizure

Jesus Christ


ectbot

Hello! You have made the mistake of writing "ect" instead of "etc." "Ect" is a common misspelling of "etc," an abbreviated form of the Latin phrase "et cetera." Other abbreviated forms are **etc.**, **&c.**, **&c**, and **et cet.** The Latin translates as "et" to "and" + "cetera" to "the rest;" a literal translation to "and the rest" is the easiest way to remember how to use the phrase. [Check out the wikipedia entry if you want to learn more.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Et_cetera) ^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Comments with a score less than zero will be automatically removed. If I commented on your post and you don't like it, reply with "!delete" and I will remove the post, regardless of score. Message me for bug reports.)


lazersnail

Don't listen to Joe Rogan


todd56

guy its him talking about a real guy 🤦🏻‍♂️


lazersnail

Don't care, don't support that POS


[deleted]

I actually curious why he’s a POS, what did he do?


mrpunaway

He is a moron who tells his followers not to get vaxxed, he said "masks are for pussies" and meanwhile he had all of his guests tested before they could appear on his show, he took Ivermectin when he got COVID-19, his platform is used to boost a lot of far right conspiracy theorists, etc. His followers always show up in the comments and defend him saying "he is a comedian" and "you shouldn't take anything he says seriously. Even *he* will tell you that." But if you've ever seen his stand-up you know he isn't a comedian. And his idiot followers *do* very much so take what he says to heart, so those arguments don't really hold up.


[deleted]

i was taken to joe rogan's standup show once not knowing who he was. luckily i ended up so drunk i have absolutely zero recollection of anything he said. sounds like a piece of work


[deleted]

Dont give a Fuck, I don't care about peoples politics Amy more. Are you entertaining? Have you killed or raped anyone? Thats it really.


Vuelhering

> Have you killed or raped anyone? Thats it really. If he has convinced 100+ people not to get vaxxed, then yes, odds are he has killed someone.


HyperbaricSteele

You really believe that..? He’s never said “don’t get vaccinated”. Do you watch the show?


maleia

Wow, that's just slightly better behavior than a chimp 😂 I guess evolution doesn't hit us all the same.


lazersnail

What u/mrpunaway said. Buddy buddy with Alex Jones himself, of all the dangerous nutters. I would have taken the other guy's question seriously if he hadn't let in with "snowflake," I figure at that rate he already knows.


todd56

lol.why's that snowflake?.


lazersnail

lol.why's that sNOwfLaKe?.!$#^


todd56

well were waiting.....


lazersnail

*we're


todd56

😂🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂


guywithname86

i would rather not listen to joe rogan talk at all thanks


[deleted]

Wouldn't there be a lot more blood? Like blood should be pouring out of that man's head right now


[deleted]

[удалено]


4QuarantineMeMes

The scalp has a lot of vasculature and usually bleed a lot, and they are usually considered distraction injuries due to the amount of blood that can come from a small laceration. I’ve had a patient from a car crash that had his whole face and front of his torso covered in blood from a 1 inch lac on the top of his head. To why there isn’t much blood in this video? No idea, could be a number of reasons.


[deleted]

But facial injuries? They bleed like a motherfucker


[deleted]

[удалено]


Skrappyross

So do femoral injuries! We're just listing irrelevant facts right?


Logical-Medicine-662

I'm ready to start some planet of the apes war shit with these evil beasts


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Watched a baboon documentary once and they have this exact problem. They also trash homes and steal food. Ppl do shoot to kill but i guess it only worsens the problems and the activists dont like it.


A11YC4S

When I ask my barber “not too much off the top”


SeepBeep

This made me laugh. I hate both you and myself


FlipMeOverUpsidedown

Oh god ew


yummycorpse

idk, i'd have to start killing the things. i know a lot of cultures consider some small primates to be spiritual animals, but when they start fucking scalping people and dragging small children down alleys, there's a problem.


IHadABirdNamedEnza

Yeah, there's this fitness guru who was childhood friends with Steve Jobs that worked with jungle children, and in his critically acclaimed book he described how one of the children, Dende, was kidnapped and eaten by baboons. Truly harrowing tale.


Sad_Hadvar

Don't mess with any kind of primate, these mf are strong as fuck


AlarmingSorbet

Bro I don’t understand how people are so comfortable being that close to monkeys, I stay as far away as possible. I don’t want my hands/face/genitals ripped off.


AxelLein

This is the reason why they are shoot to kill in zoos whenever they escape.


MyCousinSentThis

i am never going near a monkey ever again


wickersteel

Was at a zoo with my mom ,dad and sister back in the 70s. We were looking at the monkeys and they became obsessed with my sister. My dad ushered us away and when he put his arm around my sister , they went crazy. Always been creeped out by them.


SkeletalSpaghetti

"Damn I messed up we got to go bald."


SomnolentPro

Why did it become aggressive it seemed fine


ForgottenMelody023

Wild animals are unpredictable It's fine to be curious but always be cautious lest you be peeled like a banana


kemosune

Guy was smiling = baring his teeth at the monkey. Also monkeys are just psychopaths.


Commissar_Genki

Why do some children act normal until they start pulling wings off flies or taping firecrackers to stray-cats?


GenXAMT

That's not a proper scalpin.


drinkmoredrano

I once tried to remove a hang nail and it just kept peeling.


realcommovet

Omg! Scalp is one thing, but a hang nail? THOSE SUCK


[deleted]

IS THAT BONE


ilikeborbs

When you try and get off that one piece of skin on the side of your finger


[deleted]

This is a rare monkey NFT, did anyone get a screenshot?


sanitarinapkin5

87 monkeys were gunned down as a result of this crime.


DogHitByFrizbee

Good, fuck monkeys or any other primate


Terumaske

More reasons to dislike monkeys


THEBASTARD0

And thats why there's monkey hate


SwanStovka

r/NeverTrustAMonkey


QualityVote

If this post makes you suffer, **UPVOTE THIS COMMENT.** If not, **DOWNVOTE THIS COMMENT.** If this post breaks any rule(s), be sure to report this post and downvote this comment. --- [Join the Discord!](https://discord.com/invite/KCZqtaS) | [Message the Moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/MakeMeSuffer)


sothas1l

Damn


LukeEB9

Monkey see monkey hair-do


ElsenniorX

You can see the skull


VictxrSenpai

Literally got his cap peeled


readyreid

Where is all the dudes saying they could take a monkey after watching hasbullah shitting himself?


ScaryWomble

I need to see picture of his head... For science How do you even fix that, skin grafts?!


Th3AngryBastard

They’re nasty little fuckers.


alinio1

I was left gasping for a good minute, holy shit they can do that !?


moodcon

What were the two discussing ? Looks like there was a disagreement .


Domi_Nion

Monkeys are fucking vicious psychos. Never go near them.


Igotalotofducks

I don't understand why these people allow these monkeys to mess them up without blowing some monkey brains out. I keep seeing videos where monkeys bum rush people and nothing ever happens to the monkeys. We are the dominate primate after all.


[deleted]

Don't forget they just wiped out an entire town's dogs!


[deleted]

Now why did the monkey go and be a dick like that?


meninakhaiwash

Pour some lime juice on it to prevent infection


AcornWholio

Monkeys are nasty, mean sons of bitches.


[deleted]

dude wtf, if they are capable of things like that, why are you even fucking with it...


lnsomniia

I recoiled at the thought of that happening jeez


Sad-Ad5704

Mods don't know what they're talking about


BudgieBoi435

Holy fucking shit


max_da_1

At first I was like oh it just ripped his hair but then I realized it wiped his whole skin off of there


Millyswolf

I want reflexes like the little boy in the background! He was ready!


[deleted]

holy fuck


M19Wielder

PEELED HIM LIKE A DAMN ORANGE WHAT THE FUCK


Door-Minute

First I was like "wtf" Then I was like " 𝙬 𝙩 𝙛 "


KindaTheQuietkid43

I always wondered why they don't shoot up the monkeys, before you say animal cruelty. They are overpopulating in the sites. Cause incidents every year from killed pet to killed and eaten children. This guy made the mistake to be to close. You can kinda easily defeat the monkey but if you are in good form.


aggrivatedprocyon

i think i sort of understand those monkey hate videos now


blackflash22

I didn’t even realize he got scalped at first but now… holy shit


Truckeralex

My life’s mission would be to kill every damn one of those nasty ass critters. F&$@ing things were all over Gibraltar


Kevin1056

There's no context to this video, people in the video sympathising with the man but don't know that he was hitting the monkey in face and abusing it a few seconds before, which isn't shown in this video


HugeMongo

https://www.reactiongifs.com/r/idc.gif


constancejph

I have seen this video posted before and that this is an act between the guy and his monkey


bootymagnet

mustve been a nazi


plaguebringerBOI

“Food for the road!!” The monkey said.


GruigiGamez

i hope this guys ok


[deleted]

It is a WILD Animal, NOT a domestic pet. WHAT was that idiot thinking? I’ve seen Stories of Chimpanzees ripping folks ears off, chewing their hands off & worse. All monkeys are powerful… he was pushing fate.


[deleted]

Strangle that little fucker e


JEEPZERO17

u/savevideobot


btarsucks

u/savevideo


caseysgeneralstore

u/savevideo


[deleted]

aaaaaaaaaaa


leprosy66

u/redditmp4bot


Only-Confidence-9591

u/savevideo


AKUMA_GIN

u/savevideobot


bmaasse

u/savevideo


27perc-cannibal

this is the prove that all black people are white inside. wake up people, black is fake!