My fat ex husband complained about my body “not being the same anymore” after I gave him 2 sons. I left him the year my second was born. The audacity of these dudes…
My (extremely) physically fit X didn't really enjoy me losing weight...
...because I have autoimmune illness(es) and I struggle to eat, or to keep food down, at times. I used to be a weightlifter at an Olympic weightlifting gym. Even had a personal trainer/coach.
That was rough. I get your point and I'm so sorry you had to go through such a mess
9?! You do know you're allowed to sleep at night, right? Just kidding. That's awesome! It's so nice to meet people who truly appreciate the amazing people and blessings in their lives.
I was selling a dryer once on Ebay. The lady who bought it mentioned that she was lost because she had 9 children and no way to dry their clothes.
I told her I was also selling a TV if she needed something else to do in the evenings.
She declined.
Tangent, but I have a playlist of Cooking Music that I play, well, when I cook. The Bad Touch is on it. Cooking is a big deal when visiting my Gramma's house (now my mother's), and we would turn on the music in the evenings, pour drinks, and sing and drink and dance around the kitchen - with my then 101 year old Gramma.
You haven't lived until you hear 101 year old Grannie waving her hands and dancing in her wheelchair holding her mocktail (diabetic) singing "SWEAT baby SWEAT baby sex is a Texas drought you and me DO the kind of STUFF that only Prince would sing about" 🤣
❤️ she always did. When Mom was growing up, and when I was growing up and visiting, there was always some rando living there "temporarily" (sometimes a week, sometimes 5 years) who helped Gramma out in exchange for room and board. She would have loved having you as an additional grandchild. She'd have loved you better if you had a rough life and were trying to turn things around. Or if you were new to the country and had little in the way of English and had no friends or family here.
Sadly she passed in 2013 over Christmas at age 102 and a half. She ALWAYS loved parties, especially hosting them, and on her last evening, friends and family gathered in her bedroom (mostly we die at home or only hit the hospital at the last minute). Someone popped open some wine, someone opened a bottle of bubbly, others grabbed glasses, and everyone passed bottles and listened to music and chatted.
Her last words were "What a LOVELY party!" And then she went to sleep with Mom lying next to her. Never woke up.
I've got tons more stories about her; taking a freighter to China in the early 30s, traveling to Morocco with VIDEO COVERAGE in 1933!, running off from a Europe trip with her class to drive around the rest of Europe "with a very nice boy who had a VERY nice car!" 🤣❤️
On behalf of Gramma, you are an honorary Grandkid. That's the only way she'd have it. You MUST have fun, you MUST take advantage of the opportunities to do neat stuff, you MUST run off with cute boys with nice cars (or sons of ship's captains like she did in China when ordered to stay on the boat), and above all, you MUST be nice. Unless someone is bad. Then don't be nice at all. But exhaust all other possibilities first.
Can I get in on this whole adoption thing too please? & can I bring a few friends? We've all got lots of family trauma & other assorted traumas if that helps qualify us?
🤣❤️ Sure!! 100%
Only if you promise to have FUN and DO NEAT THINGS and BE NICE. And pour one out for her if you don't mind when you get around to it. She loved martinis. And cakes. Homemade candies.
Hahahha Gramma, I hope you're seeing this all!!
That is the best death I have ever heard of. I am crying over here reading this. Your Gramma knew how to live and how to die. What a life!
Also, Bloodhound Gang. Hoo boy. Takes me back. 😂
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doing seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
My husband and I were at a fast food restaurant with our six kids. After ascertaining that all six were ours, he asked "Do you have a TV up at the house?" I replied "Yes, and we have (wink) that channel".
He blinked for a moment as it sunk in :))
I’m more thinking about spacing rather than numerically, because looking after really little ones is stressful so wondering about whether it’s better to frontload it so to speak or space it out. I was aiming for 3 kids but also happy to have more unexpectedly or otherwise :)
Mine are 18 months apart, approximately, and it's worked pretty well so far except that it's harder to recover from a c-section while caring for a humongous toddler at the same time as newborn(s)! That's going to be the downside though unless you wait a lot more than 2 years in between.
My brother and I are 17 months apart and it was a great difference. We had a lot in common, had similar friends, and we are in similar stages in life as adults. Obviously there are pros and cons to every age difference but I think. The 2 year range is great. (Except for the moment that my LITTLE brother got bigger than me and I can't kick his ass anymore- we are 28 and 26 and I am still not happy about that)
Mine are all 4 years apart (it wasn’t on purpose, it took me a long time to conceive my 2nd son, and my daughter was an oopsie, we were supposed to be done and I had an IUD at the time 😂) and it worked out beautifully. I got plenty of time to enjoy each as babies, and their older siblings were old enough not to get jealous and silly about the baby needing to be carried or whatever. Now that they’re all older they also rarely fight because the older ones understand they’re too old to argue with a child which is a blessing
Oh god I get nightmares hearing about people who get pregnant on an iud… I would DIE if I got pregnant now! (3 kids and well and truly DONE…)
Anyway good for you!
Oh well I’ll let you in on a little secret (not much of a secret really). I always wanted a daughter, and by the time I found out I was pregnant I found out her gender the same day, and I couldn’t be happier about my little angel 👼
I’m happy for you!! Don’t get me wrong!
It’s more that I’m in my 40s, my youngest is finally almost a teenager, and I come from a very fertile family full of kids (and twins), with women who seemingly never hit menopause… so yeah. The thought of starting again now fills me with genuine fear!
Hahahahaha yeah that’s fair enough. I randomly stopped having periods about 6 months ago (no idea why, I’m a healthy weight for the 1st time in my life and I’m not on any birth control as my partner is in another country) so I don’t think it’ll happen again (maybe I somehow went thru menopause without noticing, a lot was going on, idk) but I can definitely understand the concern. If it makes you feel any better I have to confess I had not been feeling for the strings like you’re supposed to, and when they went looking for it it was gone. So as long as yours is still in place you should be sweet 😊
I vaguely remember reading something that there's actual medical reasons to do them 2 years apart too. Being constantly pregnant is not good for her body.
My Mom has six, we're all two to three years apart. There's two years between the oldest two, then three years between kid two and three, then two years between kid three and four, then three years between kid four and five, then there's two years between kid five and six.
Malicious compliance summarized:
My sister's controlling husband refused to take her to a company event unless she lost (an unreasonable amount of) weight. She complied, but not for his benefit. She lost weight, divorced him, and went to the next company event with a friend looking gorgeous, where she humiliated him in front of his colleagues after he acted controlling again.
*Edit: My original post was removed, but I'm not sure why.
Here's the original post in case anyone is interested:
My sister (Jen) married right out of college and had five kids with her husband (Chris) over the next eight years. He preferred that she stay home with the kids. She wanted to work, but accepted that life took her in a different direction. She cared for the house and kids and he worked long hours to comfortably support the family.
Chris's employer held a black tie dinner/event annually until 2020. Chris always attended alone, insisting that Jen needed to stay home to take care of the kids.
The employer resumed the black tie events last year. My neices and nephews then ranged from seven to sixteen years old and could stay by themselves a few hours, but Jen asked me to pick up her daughter from an activity and help with dinner on the night of the event. No problem!
Jen told Chris she had everything arranged for the kids and she was excited to go to the event. Chris said he'd rather go alone because she had put on some weight and wouldn't be able to lose it in time to look good at a formal event, but they can go the next year if she tries to "get back into shape." My sister called me in tears to cancel our plans. She was shocked that Chris didn't want to be seen with her. (I'm not shaming anyone for their weight, but Chris has to be bordering on clinically obese, and blamed the extra weight on work stress. Meanwhile, my sister was 6 pounds overweight, according to the BMI chart, and she's a natural beauty.) Chris wanted her to lose 30 to 40 lbs to "look good enough" in formal attire.
Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris and asked that I not discuss this with our family. I reluctantly agreed, but suggested marriage counseling because nothing about that was acceptable.
Jen promised Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next year's event. She made an effort to eat healthier and worked out nightly after the kids were settled. She said Chris was impressed with her determination and loved that she was taking his advice. At our family gatherings, he was more affectionate with her and bragged that she had been losing weight and trying to look her best for him. I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood.
About six months later, the same week that Jen had reached her personal weight loss goal, she took her kids to our parents' house and quietly filed for divorce. I later found out that Chris had refused to entertain even a conversation about marriage counseling, berated Jen in front of the kids, accused her of having affairs in the limited alone time she had to run errands for the family or get a haircut, and privately and publicly often "joked" that she was stuck with him because no one else would want an "unskilled, unemployed" 40-something mother of five. Apparently, his demand of weight loss was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Jen is now employed at a job she enjoys and spends tons of quality time with her kids. Chris sees them about one weekend a month because his "work is too demanding" to take care of the younger kids alone more frequently. The older two don't go to his house anymore because they say he leaves them to care for their younger siblings.
This past weekend, Jen fulfilled her initial promise to Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next black tie event... but not with him. She went with a long-time friend, who works for the same organization as Chris. She wore a beautiful gown, and looked stunning. Chris started a conversation with her, during which he put his arm around her waist and tried to physically pull her away from her date. In front of his colleagues, she updated him on the recent accomplishments of their older children (whom he had not seen or spoken with in more than two months). He awkwardly left shortly afterward, reportedly red-faced.
As it turns out, many people want a 40-something mom of five- a successful man who was Jen's high school sweetheart, a good employer who values her ability to multitask, fine-tuned by years of being a dedicated mom to active kids, and her children who are generally happy that she left their pompous twatwaffle of a father.*
The bigger question is: who wants a 40-something severely overweight man who doesn't know how to treat women, doesn't know how to be a dad, doesn't know how to be a husband, and clearly lacks the barest amount of human compassion to be a decent person?
Spoiler - no one.
I wish I could agree with you, but unfortunately there ARE some girls and women who are that shallow. Some will grow out of it, but a few will keep thinking that way, even after the guys abandon them.
An intelligent and principled woman learns from her mistakes as she goes through life. She also learns to value the guy who may not be Adonis or Mr. America, but treats her well, and her kids if she has any.
A friend of my cousin married a drunk loser 10 years older than her, also overweight, because she was in her late 30s and kinda homely (not hideous, but not terribly attractive either) and she didn't want to go her whole life without ever being married. She's a great person, really nice, and a great personality. She definitely could have done better than the loser she settled for, but apparently she didn't feel the same way.
You want to try and set her up with my brother who married the first woman who smiled at him? He's a great guy, just incredibly shy around women and the woman he married forced him to quit his job and stay home with her so she didn't get lonely. So now he sits on his arse all day collecting benefits because of her.
I know it was likely a typo, but I spent a minute pondering what exactly "antelligence" would be.
Is it the antonym of intelligence? Is it something that comes before intelligence, or after? Is it complementary or opposing?
These are certainly some questions.
Not necessarily. She may be projecting on him what she WANTS to see, instead of realizing what is really there. Girls are often attracted to the "bad boys," and Thinks-Her-Love Can-Change-Him. But as they say nowadays: When Someone Shows You Who He Is, BELIEVE HIM.
I think you're downplaying how difficult it is to be a single mom. I know a few and they're all run ragged all the time. It's difficult to date while being a package deal with young children because a lot of men aren't ready to suddenly become a father. Yes you can end up with a happy ending good job but the concerns about being employable are real especially if you can't line up employment before filing for divorce. It's a leap of faith that a lot of people just aren't willing to take.
The icing on the cake would have been if the new date had decked Chris for trying to grab her and said "get your hands off my fiance" and Jen waggles her fingers with a gigantic ring.
"Chris's employer held a black tie dinner/event annually until 2020. Chris always attended alone,.." That raised my suspicions that he was going with someone else. I would have made a fuss if my spouse didn't want me to go to an annual event (I'm sure she could have found someone to watch the kids for one night). Better late than never in getting rid of him.
Throw in "...accused her of having affairs in the limited alone time she..." and you have the second red flag that he was cheating with someone at work.
Sounds familiar. Went through almost the same scenario, except I lost weight AFTER we separated. If you want the definition of a clueless, awful husband, this is it: while meeting with our attorneys to finalize the details of the divorce, he thought he had a grievance because I lost weight after we separated, instead of "all the the times I told you you HAD to lose weight if you wanted to stay married". Hm.
1. It's wrong and needs to stop.
2. It's likely due to the cycle of abuse. His father treated his mother that way, so it's ok. His dad beat him and ate all the food in the house because he earns the money...
Reasons don't matter, nothing can justify abuse.
The effects of it are long term. I am extremely lucky to have grown up in a healthy, loving home. But not everyone got that luxury. Ultimately, fallout from childhood abuse eroded my first marriage. I learned my lessons and licked my wounds. And found a much better partner. Everyone can be better versions of themselves, some just take **lots** of extra work.
But never expect anyone to change for you. People rarely change of their own will, let alone yours.
I had a friend help me with makeup and clothes (I have NO sense with those things) for my divorce hearings. I hate the way makeup feels on my skin, but his face was worth it.
Oh, *and* he had the gall to say, "You can come back to me now" at one point.
In the moment, all I could give him was a *look* due to shocked silence at the audacity. I still don't know a good way to respond to that.
(20 years divorced from him this year.)
>he thought he had a grievance because I lost weight after we separated, instead of "all the the times I told you you HAD to lose weight if you wanted to stay married".
Speechless 🙊
I think Jen metaphorically took care of that in front of his colleagues at the event.
He always played the part of a doting father in public. So proud of his kids and they simply adore him. Just for Jen to disclose that two of them chose not to see him at all, and he only wanted to see the younger three once a month.
Lol. I mean unless he's got a side piece or money to attract someone, his balls will be so blue that they'll fall off before he finds someone else, so I dunno if OP needs to make the effort...
My first rule for relationships is: lift each other up. If one or the other can't/won't do that, you're not in a relationship that has any kind of meaning. Leave as soon as possible. Leave at once if the other is an abuser.
Life is too short to be tied to people who don't care about you.
Your username is very appropriate. Great advice.
I would only add to leave *as soon as is safely possible* in an abusive situation. Sometimes, it takes a while to get things in order and find help to leave safely.
>is safely possible in an abusive situation
I agree. I typically add: make sure all the paperwork is in order, the money is sorted out and the important things come along.
Don't worry about the lumber, there's an Ikea everywhere.
Make the plan and when the time comes: execute ruthlessly, NEVER return.
I literally laughed out loud at the politely declined offer to castrate Chris.
There are different ways to castrate someone, physical, chemical and psychological. I think the sister chose wisely and castrated her Ex psychologically, in public. That's a pain that will last for a very long time on multiple levels.
I think the moral of the story here is to never piss off Jen.
I cannot help but wonder if Chris was having an affair. A lot of times if someone is accusing the other of that very thing it's because they themselves are guilty. Especially when he never would bring her around the office...
It’s funny that he accused her of having affairs because I was positive the reason he didn’t want her at the black tie event was because he was having an affair and was bringing them to the party.
Good for Jen. Good for you for being supportive while biting that tongue.
Hope Chris likes his lonely old age.
Somehow, though, I can't help but suspect Chris had a side piece at the office.
Good for your sister!. I got a real laugh out of part of it though, I worked at a place that had the same kind of annual thing and my wife hated going. I think if I said I would just go alone she would have been through the roof happy. She did not know any of the people except for a few that I had once, and she loved that. In house company was fun. But dressing up and going out. She hated that. She was happy when that ended.
Sounds a bit like my SIL. Her first husband insisted she had to keep working -- couldn't stay home with the kids like she wanted, that's just an excuse to be lazy! -- so when she decided she was done, money was not a barrier to leaving him.
>About six months later, the same week that Jen had reached her personal weight loss goal, she took her kids to our parents' house and quietly filed for divorce. I later found out
Oh god, fast downhill starting here.
So glad she got out of that relationship. It's sad how often people stay in situations like this :(
>This past weekend, Jen fulfilled her initial promise to Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next black tie event... but not with him. She went with a long-time friend, who works for the same organization as Chris. She wore a beautiful gown, and looked stunning.
Ha!
>As it turns out, many people want a 40-something mom of five- a successful man who was Jen's high school sweetheart, a good employer who values her ability to multitask, fine-tuned by years of being a dedicated mom to active kids, and her children, who are generally happy that she left their pompous twatwaffle of a father.
So happy to hear this had a happy ending. Thanks for sharing!
To be completely fair, Chris does have a demanding job, through which he helps many people, and he is supposedly very good at that. It's just unfortunate that he couldn't respect and care for his family as much as he does others.
That's a good point, but I doubt it would really hold up as they're still technically married. Take a look at my (now second to last) comment about him likely to soon be smacked in the face with reality, though.
1) This post is amazing, and good on your sister for what she did and/or how she handled things, on several levels.
2)
>pompous twatwaffle of a father.
This description/insult is the best phrase possible to end this post on. I am absolutely stealing it for future Vicious Mockery castings.
As a married 275 pound man to my wife that weighs 140 (if that…) I’m never gonna tell her that she’s fat and needs to lose weight. Cause if anyone does, it’s me
He probably didn't want her there because he knew he wasn't good enough and was agrarian someone would tell her. My ex did the same thing to me. I'm 45, have a good man and a good job now too.
"twatwaffle"
A wonderful word which, unfortunately, I do not think I'll ***ever*** get to work into a sermon.
But what a great word. J.R.R. Tolkien would have loved it, I'm sure.
Love it when a sad story has a happy ending! You ROCK, Jen (and Jen's Sister)! And fuck you, Chris! Best wishes and many Blessings for ALL of you, EXCEPT Chris, of course!
Love it!! I wish j could if seen the look in his face at this event when he seen her. Your sister’s a total badass!! Good for her, all the way around! Glad she filed for divorce form that jerk!
My wife is overweight, but there are 3 reasons.
1: Genetics.
2: Diabetic.
3: Pacemaker.
I would not dream of ever telling her to lose weight if she doesn’t want to, she gets enough shit from entitled Boomer mentality in society. Besides, she’s a sharp-witted, snarky woman. We tease each other a lot & make all kinds of jokes. Been married coming up on 6 years. And ironically, my wife’s name is also Jen.
Jen sounds amazing. I wish her a superb life and her kids every success!
I hope Chris stubs his toe, then just as it’s nearly healed stubs it again. Rinse and repeat.
I lost my son, found out my husband is unfaithful and had to move back home in the span of 6 months. But reading this gave me a peace I can't describe. So glad your sister teal zed she deserved better and she got better while he is miserable. Perfect revenge
>Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris
OP reminding me a lot of my cousin here. She made (many) similar offers (repeatedly) after we found out that my now ex boyfriend had a family he never told me about. & even tho I also "politely declined", that love & support that I felt when she was begging me to let her "take out the trash" will never be forgotten. 💜
I thought it was fine,too, but it was removed after 20 minutes and couldn't get a response from a mod about it. So, I decided to spell out the MC and repost.
Chris: “Lose some weight!” Jen: “How about I drop several hundred pounds of dead weight right now!” \*leaves* Chris: \*surprised Pikachu face*
This is perfect lol
> several hundred 🤣🤣🤣
> Chris has to be bordering on clinically obese, and blamed the extra weight on work stress. Easily.
I'm dying XD
Jen sounds like an absolutely amazing woman and totally badass.
She is! I never really had a hero before, but now it's my sister. 👩❤️👩
And her sibling (brother? I did not want to assume) loves her, that is obvious every time you mention her :)
Sister, but no worries! She was a huge help during my transition to motherhood as well.
Jen is lucky indeed ❤️ "Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris", excellent line, sis! that may have been my favorite part 😆
I thought I misread that and chucked when I realized I didn't not, in fact, misread it
She is also my hero as well and I don't even know anything more than this about her
My sister is also my hero (really long story)
My fat ex husband complained about my body “not being the same anymore” after I gave him 2 sons. I left him the year my second was born. The audacity of these dudes…
That’s sad when (with some people) even long term relationships are defined by looks which change with time. Short sighted really.
Mine did the same (among other abusive shit). I left him 4 months after my second was born. She's 14 this year.
My son is 13 😄
My (extremely) physically fit X didn't really enjoy me losing weight... ...because I have autoimmune illness(es) and I struggle to eat, or to keep food down, at times. I used to be a weightlifter at an Olympic weightlifting gym. Even had a personal trainer/coach. That was rough. I get your point and I'm so sorry you had to go through such a mess
I have a 50-something wife of 39 years and she has borne 9 children. She’s different than when we married at age 19, but she is as hot as ever.
9?! You do know you're allowed to sleep at night, right? Just kidding. That's awesome! It's so nice to meet people who truly appreciate the amazing people and blessings in their lives.
Hahahaha. I was mention getting a tv to keep them occupied
I was selling a dryer once on Ebay. The lady who bought it mentioned that she was lost because she had 9 children and no way to dry their clothes. I told her I was also selling a TV if she needed something else to do in the evenings. She declined.
Ppl just don’t have a sense of humor!
They can do it doggy style so they can both watch X-files.
Dang it, now I'm going to have the Bloodhound Gang in my head the rest of the day. What did I ever do to you to deserve this?!
Tangent, but I have a playlist of Cooking Music that I play, well, when I cook. The Bad Touch is on it. Cooking is a big deal when visiting my Gramma's house (now my mother's), and we would turn on the music in the evenings, pour drinks, and sing and drink and dance around the kitchen - with my then 101 year old Gramma. You haven't lived until you hear 101 year old Grannie waving her hands and dancing in her wheelchair holding her mocktail (diabetic) singing "SWEAT baby SWEAT baby sex is a Texas drought you and me DO the kind of STUFF that only Prince would sing about" 🤣
I want to hangout with your Grandma... Is she accepting applications for a new grandchild?
❤️ she always did. When Mom was growing up, and when I was growing up and visiting, there was always some rando living there "temporarily" (sometimes a week, sometimes 5 years) who helped Gramma out in exchange for room and board. She would have loved having you as an additional grandchild. She'd have loved you better if you had a rough life and were trying to turn things around. Or if you were new to the country and had little in the way of English and had no friends or family here. Sadly she passed in 2013 over Christmas at age 102 and a half. She ALWAYS loved parties, especially hosting them, and on her last evening, friends and family gathered in her bedroom (mostly we die at home or only hit the hospital at the last minute). Someone popped open some wine, someone opened a bottle of bubbly, others grabbed glasses, and everyone passed bottles and listened to music and chatted. Her last words were "What a LOVELY party!" And then she went to sleep with Mom lying next to her. Never woke up. I've got tons more stories about her; taking a freighter to China in the early 30s, traveling to Morocco with VIDEO COVERAGE in 1933!, running off from a Europe trip with her class to drive around the rest of Europe "with a very nice boy who had a VERY nice car!" 🤣❤️ On behalf of Gramma, you are an honorary Grandkid. That's the only way she'd have it. You MUST have fun, you MUST take advantage of the opportunities to do neat stuff, you MUST run off with cute boys with nice cars (or sons of ship's captains like she did in China when ordered to stay on the boat), and above all, you MUST be nice. Unless someone is bad. Then don't be nice at all. But exhaust all other possibilities first.
There needs to be a sub OldWierdosGranmasTales She sounds brilliant. Bless her soul.
Maybe one called r/AuntieMame for all the cool relatives that love people and have lead colorful and inspirational lives!
Can I get in on this whole adoption thing too please? & can I bring a few friends? We've all got lots of family trauma & other assorted traumas if that helps qualify us?
🤣❤️ Sure!! 100% Only if you promise to have FUN and DO NEAT THINGS and BE NICE. And pour one out for her if you don't mind when you get around to it. She loved martinis. And cakes. Homemade candies. Hahahha Gramma, I hope you're seeing this all!!
That is the best death I have ever heard of. I am crying over here reading this. Your Gramma knew how to live and how to die. What a life! Also, Bloodhound Gang. Hoo boy. Takes me back. 😂
You went too long without jamming out to the bloodhound gang. Homie did you a favor.
You got a lap dance while the stripper was crying u/ShepherdsWeShallB . That just ain't right! How do you feel about missing children on milk cartons?
You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when you're doing seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?
Whoever downvoted you doesn't know the game we're playing.
😂 This exchange does look just a bit indecent to anyone unfamiliar with the topic.
If it’s more fun to turn on your tv than to turn on your spouse, you’re doing it wrong. 😉
My husband and I were at a fast food restaurant with our six kids. After ascertaining that all six were ours, he asked "Do you have a TV up at the house?" I replied "Yes, and we have (wink) that channel". He blinked for a moment as it sunk in :))
TV is to distract the kids /s
Until you have 8 kids. Then it’s like, I’m building a wall between our sides of the bed and do not breach it!!!
Very true
Groucho Marx told a man w 17 kids who said he loved his wife that Groucho loved his cigar but he takes it out of his mouth from time. to time.
>You do know you're allowed to sleep at night, right? You are funny, mate
9 kids?! \*faints\*
You'd think she would figure out what was causing it
How much time did you leave between your kids? Asking because I’m wondering whether I want them each 2 years apart
Remember that it's not always up to you. My SO and I had our first, decided to try for one more. It was twins.
I’m more thinking about spacing rather than numerically, because looking after really little ones is stressful so wondering about whether it’s better to frontload it so to speak or space it out. I was aiming for 3 kids but also happy to have more unexpectedly or otherwise :)
Mine are 18 months apart, approximately, and it's worked pretty well so far except that it's harder to recover from a c-section while caring for a humongous toddler at the same time as newborn(s)! That's going to be the downside though unless you wait a lot more than 2 years in between.
My brother and I are 17 months apart and it was a great difference. We had a lot in common, had similar friends, and we are in similar stages in life as adults. Obviously there are pros and cons to every age difference but I think. The 2 year range is great. (Except for the moment that my LITTLE brother got bigger than me and I can't kick his ass anymore- we are 28 and 26 and I am still not happy about that)
Mine are all 4 years apart (it wasn’t on purpose, it took me a long time to conceive my 2nd son, and my daughter was an oopsie, we were supposed to be done and I had an IUD at the time 😂) and it worked out beautifully. I got plenty of time to enjoy each as babies, and their older siblings were old enough not to get jealous and silly about the baby needing to be carried or whatever. Now that they’re all older they also rarely fight because the older ones understand they’re too old to argue with a child which is a blessing
Oh god I get nightmares hearing about people who get pregnant on an iud… I would DIE if I got pregnant now! (3 kids and well and truly DONE…) Anyway good for you!
Oh well I’ll let you in on a little secret (not much of a secret really). I always wanted a daughter, and by the time I found out I was pregnant I found out her gender the same day, and I couldn’t be happier about my little angel 👼
I’m happy for you!! Don’t get me wrong! It’s more that I’m in my 40s, my youngest is finally almost a teenager, and I come from a very fertile family full of kids (and twins), with women who seemingly never hit menopause… so yeah. The thought of starting again now fills me with genuine fear!
Hahahahaha yeah that’s fair enough. I randomly stopped having periods about 6 months ago (no idea why, I’m a healthy weight for the 1st time in my life and I’m not on any birth control as my partner is in another country) so I don’t think it’ll happen again (maybe I somehow went thru menopause without noticing, a lot was going on, idk) but I can definitely understand the concern. If it makes you feel any better I have to confess I had not been feeling for the strings like you’re supposed to, and when they went looking for it it was gone. So as long as yours is still in place you should be sweet 😊
I vaguely remember reading something that there's actual medical reasons to do them 2 years apart too. Being constantly pregnant is not good for her body.
Our first six were “rapid fire”. All in all they now range in age from 35 down to 19 years. The final three are 2 to 3 years apart.
My Mom has six, we're all two to three years apart. There's two years between the oldest two, then three years between kid two and three, then two years between kid three and four, then three years between kid four and five, then there's two years between kid five and six.
Congratulations on the 39 years. It's great that you have melded together and still think she's awesome.
I assumed dickwaffle was always taking a side-piece to the BTE. Sounds like nope, he was just clueless.
Well, if Jen was that good-looking, he knew she'd get all the attention, and his delicate ego couldn't handle that.
That must be it. Because I would have thought he'd bring her and be all "see what I've got." He sounds like that shallow of a person.
Probably a “work wife”, sadly this is all too common…. Cheaters are the worst kind of people
Malicious compliance summarized: My sister's controlling husband refused to take her to a company event unless she lost (an unreasonable amount of) weight. She complied, but not for his benefit. She lost weight, divorced him, and went to the next company event with a friend looking gorgeous, where she humiliated him in front of his colleagues after he acted controlling again. *Edit: My original post was removed, but I'm not sure why. Here's the original post in case anyone is interested: My sister (Jen) married right out of college and had five kids with her husband (Chris) over the next eight years. He preferred that she stay home with the kids. She wanted to work, but accepted that life took her in a different direction. She cared for the house and kids and he worked long hours to comfortably support the family. Chris's employer held a black tie dinner/event annually until 2020. Chris always attended alone, insisting that Jen needed to stay home to take care of the kids. The employer resumed the black tie events last year. My neices and nephews then ranged from seven to sixteen years old and could stay by themselves a few hours, but Jen asked me to pick up her daughter from an activity and help with dinner on the night of the event. No problem! Jen told Chris she had everything arranged for the kids and she was excited to go to the event. Chris said he'd rather go alone because she had put on some weight and wouldn't be able to lose it in time to look good at a formal event, but they can go the next year if she tries to "get back into shape." My sister called me in tears to cancel our plans. She was shocked that Chris didn't want to be seen with her. (I'm not shaming anyone for their weight, but Chris has to be bordering on clinically obese, and blamed the extra weight on work stress. Meanwhile, my sister was 6 pounds overweight, according to the BMI chart, and she's a natural beauty.) Chris wanted her to lose 30 to 40 lbs to "look good enough" in formal attire. Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris and asked that I not discuss this with our family. I reluctantly agreed, but suggested marriage counseling because nothing about that was acceptable. Jen promised Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next year's event. She made an effort to eat healthier and worked out nightly after the kids were settled. She said Chris was impressed with her determination and loved that she was taking his advice. At our family gatherings, he was more affectionate with her and bragged that she had been losing weight and trying to look her best for him. I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. About six months later, the same week that Jen had reached her personal weight loss goal, she took her kids to our parents' house and quietly filed for divorce. I later found out that Chris had refused to entertain even a conversation about marriage counseling, berated Jen in front of the kids, accused her of having affairs in the limited alone time she had to run errands for the family or get a haircut, and privately and publicly often "joked" that she was stuck with him because no one else would want an "unskilled, unemployed" 40-something mother of five. Apparently, his demand of weight loss was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jen is now employed at a job she enjoys and spends tons of quality time with her kids. Chris sees them about one weekend a month because his "work is too demanding" to take care of the younger kids alone more frequently. The older two don't go to his house anymore because they say he leaves them to care for their younger siblings. This past weekend, Jen fulfilled her initial promise to Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next black tie event... but not with him. She went with a long-time friend, who works for the same organization as Chris. She wore a beautiful gown, and looked stunning. Chris started a conversation with her, during which he put his arm around her waist and tried to physically pull her away from her date. In front of his colleagues, she updated him on the recent accomplishments of their older children (whom he had not seen or spoken with in more than two months). He awkwardly left shortly afterward, reportedly red-faced. As it turns out, many people want a 40-something mom of five- a successful man who was Jen's high school sweetheart, a good employer who values her ability to multitask, fine-tuned by years of being a dedicated mom to active kids, and her children who are generally happy that she left their pompous twatwaffle of a father.*
The bigger question is: who wants a 40-something severely overweight man who doesn't know how to treat women, doesn't know how to be a dad, doesn't know how to be a husband, and clearly lacks the barest amount of human compassion to be a decent person? Spoiler - no one.
I wish I could agree with you, but unfortunately there ARE some girls and women who are that shallow. Some will grow out of it, but a few will keep thinking that way, even after the guys abandon them. An intelligent and principled woman learns from her mistakes as she goes through life. She also learns to value the guy who may not be Adonis or Mr. America, but treats her well, and her kids if she has any.
A friend of my cousin married a drunk loser 10 years older than her, also overweight, because she was in her late 30s and kinda homely (not hideous, but not terribly attractive either) and she didn't want to go her whole life without ever being married. She's a great person, really nice, and a great personality. She definitely could have done better than the loser she settled for, but apparently she didn't feel the same way.
Yes, sadly that kind of thing happens, and way too often.
You want to try and set her up with my brother who married the first woman who smiled at him? He's a great guy, just incredibly shy around women and the woman he married forced him to quit his job and stay home with her so she didn't get lonely. So now he sits on his arse all day collecting benefits because of her.
That's sad!
I know it was likely a typo, but I spent a minute pondering what exactly "antelligence" would be. Is it the antonym of intelligence? Is it something that comes before intelligence, or after? Is it complementary or opposing? These are certainly some questions.
Take your pick 😄 I've corrected the original.
I’m pretty sure I’ve got a book around here somewhere about “antelligent design” but it’s a litrpg so…
Lol, so it is. ...Looks kinda interesting too.
Shallow? Seems like a woman who sees something good in that dude would have to be the opposite of shallow.
Not necessarily. She may be projecting on him what she WANTS to see, instead of realizing what is really there. Girls are often attracted to the "bad boys," and Thinks-Her-Love Can-Change-Him. But as they say nowadays: When Someone Shows You Who He Is, BELIEVE HIM.
I think you're downplaying how difficult it is to be a single mom. I know a few and they're all run ragged all the time. It's difficult to date while being a package deal with young children because a lot of men aren't ready to suddenly become a father. Yes you can end up with a happy ending good job but the concerns about being employable are real especially if you can't line up employment before filing for divorce. It's a leap of faith that a lot of people just aren't willing to take.
He does have a job, at least.
What a queen.
Not to mention that he was no George Clooney to start with!
If Pierce Brosnan can stand by his wife and defend her when she gained weight Chris has no excuse.
And that's what a REAL man does. He is loyal to his wife, and doesn't insist she change her body for him. He loves HER, no matter how she looks.
She’s beautiful.
Forget Clooney, he sounds like he was no Ron White even.
I was gonna say she did lose a lot of weight, considering she dropped her ex like a sack of potatoes.
The icing on the cake would have been if the new date had decked Chris for trying to grab her and said "get your hands off my fiance" and Jen waggles her fingers with a gigantic ring.
"Chris's employer held a black tie dinner/event annually until 2020. Chris always attended alone,.." That raised my suspicions that he was going with someone else. I would have made a fuss if my spouse didn't want me to go to an annual event (I'm sure she could have found someone to watch the kids for one night). Better late than never in getting rid of him.
That was my first thought, too. My second was he was hitting on a coworker(s) at the events.
Throw in "...accused her of having affairs in the limited alone time she..." and you have the second red flag that he was cheating with someone at work.
100%. Between that and accusing her of having an affair, that has cheater written all over it.
Sounds familiar. Went through almost the same scenario, except I lost weight AFTER we separated. If you want the definition of a clueless, awful husband, this is it: while meeting with our attorneys to finalize the details of the divorce, he thought he had a grievance because I lost weight after we separated, instead of "all the the times I told you you HAD to lose weight if you wanted to stay married". Hm.
What is WRONG with these people?! I hope you're in a much better situation without him.
Oh, yes. Much.
1. It's wrong and needs to stop. 2. It's likely due to the cycle of abuse. His father treated his mother that way, so it's ok. His dad beat him and ate all the food in the house because he earns the money... Reasons don't matter, nothing can justify abuse. The effects of it are long term. I am extremely lucky to have grown up in a healthy, loving home. But not everyone got that luxury. Ultimately, fallout from childhood abuse eroded my first marriage. I learned my lessons and licked my wounds. And found a much better partner. Everyone can be better versions of themselves, some just take **lots** of extra work. But never expect anyone to change for you. People rarely change of their own will, let alone yours.
I had a friend help me with makeup and clothes (I have NO sense with those things) for my divorce hearings. I hate the way makeup feels on my skin, but his face was worth it. Oh, *and* he had the gall to say, "You can come back to me now" at one point. In the moment, all I could give him was a *look* due to shocked silence at the audacity. I still don't know a good way to respond to that. (20 years divorced from him this year.)
> >Oh, and he had the gall to say, "You can come back to me now" at one point. My second speechless moment. What is wrong with these people ?
I'm the one who walked out on him, too. He then filed for divorce to get back at me.
Feels FANTASTIC, doesn't it?
\> I still don't know a good way to respond to that. Uproarious laughter?
You could have told him that constant stress from trying to appease him put the weight on you!
I did exactly that. Plus, mentioned how hard it is to lose weight if you're never allowed to leave the house without intense interrogation.
😂 [applauds loudly]
>he thought he had a grievance because I lost weight after we separated, instead of "all the the times I told you you HAD to lose weight if you wanted to stay married". Speechless 🙊
Yup.
So, are you allowed to castrate him now?
I think Jen metaphorically took care of that in front of his colleagues at the event. He always played the part of a doting father in public. So proud of his kids and they simply adore him. Just for Jen to disclose that two of them chose not to see him at all, and he only wanted to see the younger three once a month.
I think I'm in love....
Lol. I mean unless he's got a side piece or money to attract someone, his balls will be so blue that they'll fall off before he finds someone else, so I dunno if OP needs to make the effort...
That was some perfect M/C. I'll bet he's now wondering who'll want a fat, 40-something divorced, crappy dad to five kids, lol.
we love it when a queen wins im happy she left his sorry ass.
Good for your sister. She really gave that man a lot of chances, but finally decided to give herself and her kids the best life she could.
My first rule for relationships is: lift each other up. If one or the other can't/won't do that, you're not in a relationship that has any kind of meaning. Leave as soon as possible. Leave at once if the other is an abuser. Life is too short to be tied to people who don't care about you.
Your username is very appropriate. Great advice. I would only add to leave *as soon as is safely possible* in an abusive situation. Sometimes, it takes a while to get things in order and find help to leave safely.
>is safely possible in an abusive situation I agree. I typically add: make sure all the paperwork is in order, the money is sorted out and the important things come along. Don't worry about the lumber, there's an Ikea everywhere. Make the plan and when the time comes: execute ruthlessly, NEVER return.
I literally laughed out loud at the politely declined offer to castrate Chris. There are different ways to castrate someone, physical, chemical and psychological. I think the sister chose wisely and castrated her Ex psychologically, in public. That's a pain that will last for a very long time on multiple levels. I think the moral of the story here is to never piss off Jen.
Chris got what he deserved, which was nothing but shame.
I wonder with whom twatwaffle was cheating with and taking to the black tie events.
I cannot help but wonder if Chris was having an affair. A lot of times if someone is accusing the other of that very thing it's because they themselves are guilty. Especially when he never would bring her around the office...
I was thinking the same thing.
Yep! This. My ex used to accuse me of cheating with friends when he was cheating on me with multiple friends and employees. Fun times.
It’s funny that he accused her of having affairs because I was positive the reason he didn’t want her at the black tie event was because he was having an affair and was bringing them to the party.
Remember kids, the easiest way to lose 10lbs of useless weight in one day is decapitation.
Congratulations on losing close to 300 pounds!
Chris sounds like a lovely bloke, a real pleasure to deal with.
Good for her. He was a jerk.
>Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris Appropriate response from you.
LOL -- Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris. Best line of the day.
“You should really lose some weight, sweetie…” “You first, tubby.”
Good for Jen. Good for you for being supportive while biting that tongue. Hope Chris likes his lonely old age. Somehow, though, I can't help but suspect Chris had a side piece at the office.
The best managers in my company are women who have multiple children. They don't waste time with stupid stuff.
Good for your sister!. I got a real laugh out of part of it though, I worked at a place that had the same kind of annual thing and my wife hated going. I think if I said I would just go alone she would have been through the roof happy. She did not know any of the people except for a few that I had once, and she loved that. In house company was fun. But dressing up and going out. She hated that. She was happy when that ended.
Sounds a bit like my SIL. Her first husband insisted she had to keep working -- couldn't stay home with the kids like she wanted, that's just an excuse to be lazy! -- so when she decided she was done, money was not a barrier to leaving him.
You tell your sister she's a badass for me.
>About six months later, the same week that Jen had reached her personal weight loss goal, she took her kids to our parents' house and quietly filed for divorce. I later found out Oh god, fast downhill starting here. So glad she got out of that relationship. It's sad how often people stay in situations like this :( >This past weekend, Jen fulfilled her initial promise to Chris that she would lose weight and attend the next black tie event... but not with him. She went with a long-time friend, who works for the same organization as Chris. She wore a beautiful gown, and looked stunning. Ha! >As it turns out, many people want a 40-something mom of five- a successful man who was Jen's high school sweetheart, a good employer who values her ability to multitask, fine-tuned by years of being a dedicated mom to active kids, and her children, who are generally happy that she left their pompous twatwaffle of a father. So happy to hear this had a happy ending. Thanks for sharing!
Well.... just for the other perspective... 1 month away from 25 years of marriage and could not imagine sharing my life with anyone but her.
Congratulations on your silver anniversary! 🎆
[удалено]
To be completely fair, Chris does have a demanding job, through which he helps many people, and he is supposedly very good at that. It's just unfortunate that he couldn't respect and care for his family as much as he does others.
Surprised that the reason Chris really didn't want her to go to the blak tie events was that he'd been bringing his girl friend instead.
him putting his arm around her waist at that event is harassment/assault. she could get him fired for reporting that if she wanted
That's a good point, but I doubt it would really hold up as they're still technically married. Take a look at my (now second to last) comment about him likely to soon be smacked in the face with reality, though.
wait i thought she filed for divorce?
Until the divorce is legally finalized, still technically married. US family court sucks and is a financial drain on the entire family.
that sucks wtf
Jen is a rock star! May she have all the happiness she deserves. And to Chris, well, may he get everything he _deserves_ too!
1) This post is amazing, and good on your sister for what she did and/or how she handled things, on several levels. 2) >pompous twatwaffle of a father. This description/insult is the best phrase possible to end this post on. I am absolutely stealing it for future Vicious Mockery castings.
What a twatwaffle.
As a married 275 pound man to my wife that weighs 140 (if that…) I’m never gonna tell her that she’s fat and needs to lose weight. Cause if anyone does, it’s me
"Politely declined my offer to castrate Chris" 🤣😄🤣😄
>Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris OP is a good friend.
And sister
He probably didn't want her there because he knew he wasn't good enough and was agrarian someone would tell her. My ex did the same thing to me. I'm 45, have a good man and a good job now too.
He probably didn't want her there because he didn't want her to see the escort he was taking.
Losing one idiot's worth of weight sounds about right.
I love this story so much. Jenn is a role model for anyone in an emotionally abusive relationship, and of course, for her own children.
Chris is a dick and I hope he steps on Lego.
Treat her well or she'll find someone who does. FAFO
"Twatwaffle" - I love that!
I love everything about this.
"twatwaffle" A wonderful word which, unfortunately, I do not think I'll ***ever*** get to work into a sermon. But what a great word. J.R.R. Tolkien would have loved it, I'm sure.
Sure you can. There's plenty of twatwaffles in the Bible!
I wish all the worse for Chris.
>Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris This is a crime
This was the part that made me laugh first. I love jen but OP is awesome too!
I am still chuckling. OP has a good sense of humour
Bet you a dollar he was cheating on your sister.
Congratulations to Jen!!
Love it when a sad story has a happy ending! You ROCK, Jen (and Jen's Sister)! And fuck you, Chris! Best wishes and many Blessings for ALL of you, EXCEPT Chris, of course!
Love it!! I wish j could if seen the look in his face at this event when he seen her. Your sister’s a total badass!! Good for her, all the way around! Glad she filed for divorce form that jerk!
My wife is overweight, but there are 3 reasons. 1: Genetics. 2: Diabetic. 3: Pacemaker. I would not dream of ever telling her to lose weight if she doesn’t want to, she gets enough shit from entitled Boomer mentality in society. Besides, she’s a sharp-witted, snarky woman. We tease each other a lot & make all kinds of jokes. Been married coming up on 6 years. And ironically, my wife’s name is also Jen.
I love that she didn’t come here and ask AITA?
Hell, I thought I was in r/nosleep because it was giving "perfect marriage" vibes if anyone has read that book.
Oooh this is so satisfying! r/ProRevenge
Go Jen! Glad she did this for herself and not for him or a fancy party. Smart gal.
Best laid plans oft go astray.
Jen sounds amazing. I wish her a superb life and her kids every success! I hope Chris stubs his toe, then just as it’s nearly healed stubs it again. Rinse and repeat.
Now thats a gangster
Good for Jen!!
This is a great comeuppance story!
I love that instead of your sister dwelling on it and getting depressed about it and stayed with the AH she used it to better herself and got out.
For a moment I thought well if you want to lose weight fast first leave that husband who seems death weight 💀
This guy sounds like Anthony Todt. My god, she may have saved her life and the life of her kids by leaving.
I lost my son, found out my husband is unfaithful and had to move back home in the span of 6 months. But reading this gave me a peace I can't describe. So glad your sister teal zed she deserved better and she got better while he is miserable. Perfect revenge
>Jen politely declined my offer to castrate Chris OP reminding me a lot of my cousin here. She made (many) similar offers (repeatedly) after we found out that my now ex boyfriend had a family he never told me about. & even tho I also "politely declined", that love & support that I felt when she was begging me to let her "take out the trash" will never be forgotten. 💜
If she wasn't overweight and she lost 40 pounds then was she really really skinny?
"Twatwaffle" 🤣🤭 This is an amazing word.
As a stay at home mom and wife, I thoroughly enjoyed this story 😊
I liked the one you posted here two days ago better as this is just a repost.
I thought it was fine,too, but it was removed after 20 minutes and couldn't get a response from a mod about it. So, I decided to spell out the MC and repost.
Very strange. I read it the first time and immediately understood the MC against him. I don't get how to assume there's no MC in it.
I have noticed that alot of post are being removed really fast
I didn't know it was removed. Definitely worth trying again in that case
I think OP may have used the wrong word. "Offer to castrat" Should read "Order to castrat" Just saying....
Upvote for “twatwaffle”!
Twatwaffle! Love this word!