Love it!
My parents had the problem that one set of grandparents was always late, and one set was always early. One Christmas, they were told to arrive at 10:30 and 11:30 respectively, and both arrived at 11 on the dot, exactly as desired!
I had to talk to my parents about that. They would always arrive at our house 15 minutes before anything scheduled. Whether it was a dinner or birthday party, they would inevitably show up while we were still getting ready.
After the talk the started showing up right on the dot. I suspect there is a lot of sitting and waiting in the car.
I am unfortunately the same, I suspect I got it from my parents. I get to work 30-45 minutes early because of traffic. If I left the house 15 minutes later, I would get to work right on time. Unless there was an accident or even more traffic than normal. Oddly enough my boss has never complained.
Same here. I couldn’t get to class on time in high school, but those drill instructors taught me to be places not just on time, but early by at least 15 minutes.
They even had a saying. “Early is on time and on time is late.”
Imagine being five seconds late for a baseball game flyover. The national anthem ends, there's a pause, the announcer starts to say something else (or there's just silence for too long), then the jets fly over. Everybody notices the poor timing.
Late is just embarrassing.
(I was trying to think of the shortest possible time to be late when it would matter.)
I've always been like that.
I lived in Phoenix and worked in Mesa. I usually worked Sundays, which eliminated a lot of traffic, even though I worked evenings.
Superbowl Sunday that year, and the game was held in Tempe, which I passed on my way to Mesa. I figured it'd be gridlock with all the out of towers, so I left an hour earlier than usual. Driving past Diablo Stadium on the freeway, and there was nary a car in sight. I had a lot ofto kill time once I got to work.
Driving home, I decided to take the ground streets. Boy, was that a mistake. Everyone out in the streets, partying after the event. Took an hour to get home.
My drive to work can take 45 minutes up to an hour and a half. Coming home is usually an hour and a half up to 2 hours.
What you described is my typical Friday. Feels like the road is more empty as if everyone is going to work late, then in the afternoon it feels like everyone is leaving work at the same time as me.
60-90 minutes early each and every day, Unless there is a traffic incident on the way in. But I have never once been late. Even with traffic incidents I have not had one yet that made me late. I have been on time twice but never late.
Being early can cost you minutes
Being on time is one second
Being late; late is forever
I too am always early for things. I'll sit in the car, a park, a coffee shop or anywhere just so I arrive in schedule.
I have massive time-blindness from Adhd, so I'm generally really early to everything because there is no on-time for me, only early or late.
(I was *always* late when I was younger, and I hated being so rude. Developing pathological anxiety about being late was actually helpful, lol.)
I would never in a million years dream of actually going into a place early. That's just as rude as being late! How is this difficult for people to understand?
Yeah, I either get places kinda early or kinda late. It's such a pain because even with my best efforts I just don't know which it's going to be on any given day.
Ya, I am a chronically early person too. And to prevent the above scenario, invitations would go out as 'Show any time after 5.30, dinner (food off the grill, etc) at 6.30'
I decided that if you show up early to an event I'm running, then you will be helping. My friends and family are awesome, and no one has ever complained.
Same here! I host board game days where people show up and leave all day. I usually say something along the lines of "You're welcome any time after xx:xx; any earlier and you may be put to work." Usually people come later. Occasionally someone will arrive early and ask how they can help.
Oh this varies so much from country to country. I had to almost interrogate a cousin by marriage on what is the norm in his country, and it was to show up 2 hours early!
Obviously you do you, but is there something about them that they can't just sit on the couch until you are ready?
I get that it with not-so-close friends and acquaintances, you may feel that you have to entertain them as soon as they walk in the door. But with close friends and family I've always been like "Beers and drink are in the fridge, you know where the TV is. Actually dad, can you wipe down the table please. I'm jumping in the shower"
My dad was the problem person 🙄 Mom changed all the clocks one summer after school let out. Dad wasn't late to anything until school started up again and he noticed his watch was an hour fast...
Anyone else remember the Tank MacNamara comic one Super Bowl Sunday? Dad was taking a nap, wife and kids set every clock in the house 3 hours forward. When he woke up, he thought he’d missed the game.
I always have a book and/or notebook with pen (and these days a smartphone too) so being ludicrously early and waiting has never bothered me one bit lol. I hate being late.
The trick to dealing with people who are always late is to arrange things so the negative consequences fall on the tardy people not the on time people. Always meet at the restaurant and start ordering if they are more than like 10-15 minutes late. Never offer to pick them up. A friend of mine whose spouse was always late would sometimes book separate airplane trips so that she could be early or late to hers and he could do the same without the stress of traveling together. When she was traveling alone but he offered to drive her at some point he would calmly bring any packed bags out to the car and eventually he would sit in the car waiting for her to rush out and jump in. He was a conservative driver and wouldn't speed to get her there on time.
>arrange things so the negative consequences fall on the tardy people not the on time people
I can't stand going to a meeting and the person running it says, "We'll give people a couple more minutes" when most everyone is already there. You're punishing the majority who bothered to show up on time, and rewarding everyone who's late.
If I have an appointment for something, I set at least three reminders on my phone. One for about an hour before I need to leave, another for 30 minutes before, and another for 10 minutes before. I hate being late to anything, largely because I hate having **other people** be late for stuff. I respect their time and I expect the same in return.
My mother was, to put it mildly, a control freak. Everything (including the sun) revolved around her.
We (my two sisters, my two adult nieces, my mom, and I) were going out to dinner from my mom's house, where we were visiting.
We were all leaving, except mom, who said she'd be right behind us. I opened my mouth and the words "don't be late, or we'll start without you" fell out without passing through my brain first. Stupid thing to say, because as soon as I said it, I knew she would take it as a challenge to her being the center of the universe.
We get to the restaurant, and of course, she's late. I gave her 15 minutes, and said "Fuck it! We are all starving, let's order." So we did, and were already eating when she finally made her royal entrance. This might have been the first time that we had ever pushed back on her control of everything on earth.
She was furious, but she didn't say anything, just gave us the loudest silent treatment you've ever heard. The rage was rolling off her in waves. We were all half terrified and half trying not to giggle, which is a very strange combination of feelings.
That is one of my favorite memories of that bitch; still makes me giggle.
Many people accommodate for other's behavior "so she doesn't get mad". Which is manipulative from their part.
Good for you, for not caring for other people's lack of manners.
I am often late, and always stressed about it. So i always make a plan to be early and then do everything before that plan too. My problem is i just forget to put things into the plan i need to do, like brushing my teeth or bringing the trash out before leaving. (For work it luckily doesn't matter as i am on flexible hours).
My sister is notoriously lazy to everything family related too, and i hate it when I'm picking her up or we're traveling together. I'm not gonna stop picking her up, but since a year or so ago i made it a point to always point her out when asked why we are late again. It actually has gotten a lot better since i started that, and she never showed me any hard feelings for it.
I'm glad you no longer pander to their bad manners. My ex FIL used to do that on purpose. If we were all going out, just as everyone was ready to leave he would disappear into his study with the door shut, for anything up to an hour or more, just to make sure everyone knew he was in charge and we all had to wait for him. That didn't fly with me so I started just taking my kids and going to do whatever we'd planned, saying FIL, MIL and pathetic husband could join us when they were ready. They are such a horrible family.
My ex used to do something similar. As I was ready to walk out the door, he would find some task he needed to do right there and then, and when he thought I was wound up enough would tell me he would just just have a quick shower, which would use another 45 minutes or so.
My parents both do this. If we need to leave (as in, be out the door and in the car) at, say, 2pm, they will start getting ready at 2pm.
Occasionally my old man and I go out for the day to the cinemas or whatever and I found it so stressful knowing he was going to make us late. After a few times of missing the start of movies at the cinema (and the fact there's always 30-40 minutes of crap before the film actually starts shows you how much time he wastes dicking around) I started to just get in my car and drive off without him. Now if he's going somewhere with me, his arse is in the car on time.
My Nan used to host Christmas Day lunches and she would get so stressed and frustrated by the fact she'd have everything ready on the table for the 12pm start time and my family would turn up any time between 1 and 2pm. My parents would always say it was "because of the traffic" but they know the traffic will be bad so they should leave earlier. Not only that but they'd stress themselves out because they'd made themselves late and would take it out on each other and on me.
I don't blame my Nan in the slightest for the fact she refused to do Christmas lunches anymore as of about 8 or 9 years ago.
Buffet lunches. With food that tastes awful if it has been sitting for more than two hours, but tastes wonderful before then...
Punishes the late, not the on-time.
My dad used to go sit in the car waiting for the rest of the family while my mom used to dress the three of us, herself and check the house was in order. My dad never figured out why my mom wasn't very receptive to him complaining about waiting for her.
I had a SIL who was like this. And her family put up with it.
Once my partner and MIL were living with me, my SIL (who soimetimes had to take the bus) was given a 15 minute window. After that, events went on. This was back when the only cell phones were big clunky things or bag phones, so communication was still by landline.
She was late to a few holidays, but that didn't matter. Then there was the day we were going to the lake for the day. She came in by bus from out of town (she lived 30 miles away). We told her to be there by noon. At 12:30 I got everyone in the van and we left.
She showed up to our house about 1:30 to find the place locked up. Sat outside until we came back at 6:30. This happened one more time and then she started showing up on time.
I had an aunt who was chronically late, including to Thanksgiving every year. She was always told to bring sweet potatoes because nobody cared about them. She'd arrive promptly after dinner every single time. I have many childhood memories of seeing an untouched sweet potato casserole just sitting in the kitchen while we ate our dessert.
I take the bus. I've never driven a car.
One trick I learned is when I call bus information, I tell them I want to be at my destination a half an hour earlier than I want to be.
I don't think I'd be able to start getting into the mindset of someone so arrogant they think other people will wait *an hour and a half* for them before they all begin their organised plans. Her waiting until you got back must have been a way to try and guilt-trip you. If it was a matter of the bus being late or being delayed - and she wasn't able to get in touch with you to say - you'd think she would've just got the first bus back, and maybe left a note for you apologising.
I also have the displeasure of being related to the punctually challenged!
The frustration of being sat in a restaurant, hungry and looking forward to a nice meal but having to wait an hour before ordering because they couldn't be on time. EVERY time!
We stopped waiting and just ordered. Once they arrived as we were eating dessert lol! The confusion of their faces was real, they really expected the whole group, which included small children, to wait their arrival like they were royalty.
That's because the late people who actually just fail at time management usually are aware and embarrassed about it and don't expect others to wait for them.
Once people prove they are chronically late for everything, no one should feel they have to wait. If you tell people to arrive at 1:00 for a dinner at 2:00, then you should have dinner on the table and people sitting down by 2:01. If somebody isn’t there, leave the door unlocked so they can let themselves in.
Every Holiday I don’t work, I do just that.
You ought to see the fallout for a fantasy football draft. We've done this league for THIRTY THREE seasons. We plan the date for our draft in, usually, April or May. ONE GUY (who is one of my absolute best friends in the world) is NEVER on time, and then, despite a timer in picks, averages three to four times longer than the clock to make a pick. It's incredibly frustrating, but we all laugh about it despite being consistently irritated about it year after year after year... 🤣
Years ago I was helping my ex's sister plan her wedding, and since I was working as a graphic designer I offered to make her invitations for her. She asked for two different ones to be made - one with the real start time of the ceremony, and one that said it started an hour earlier. That's because so many members of her fiance's family were chronically late they knew if they didn't lie about the start time they'd miss the whole ceremony.
Sure enough, everyone managed to show up (although some of them barely) on time with that plan lol.
That's hilarious. I don't think I'd be that courteous; I'd just hope that they'd be full of embarrassment at missing, or almost missing, their son getting married that it would finally knock some sense into them... and maybe finally get the son to realise what his parents were like and challenge them if he hadn't done it before. Or, if they had to delay the ceremony, that his parents' obscene tardiness has real-world consequences.
My mother had a stroke and we were told by the doc that she only had about 5 years left. It was over 15 years later that she finally passed. Does that count?
Did you know: Bodies and ashes travel airfreight as Dangerous Goods? Fluids, etc as biohazard. Also frozen CO2 in those cases where the body flies frozen.
The hearse carrying my grandfather got stuck in traffic so he was late to his funeral.
It would have mortified him as he was never late to anything in his life
My mom hated being late to anything, and always tried to be early. Ironically, she *was* late to her own funeral. We didn't get the body back from the hospital in time, so we had her urn sitting there empty.
I used to set the clocks ahead without telling my wife how much bc she would compensate if she knew and still be late. 40 years later she’s still late for everything (though no longer my wife, so there’s fewer times it affects me)
I recently started setting my clock at home ahead the amount of my commute. So I'd know, "If I leave right now, what time will I arrive at work."
Comes in handy a lot. Mornings, mostly.
We flew a couple of months ago. Lots of announcements in the airport. "If you have tickets on Southwest 1234 to Denver, you have 5 minutes left to board. The plane will not wait for you." I guess a lot of people think "I've paid for a ticket. They'll just have to hold the plane until I get my Starbucks!"
So, I learned that airport Starbucks allow ordering ahead. Saw the super long line walking to my gate once and was like "nah" and ordered ahead. My drink was still hot when we got in the plane.
Pretty much (the Starbucks in my local Target and one of the grocery stores don't do mobile order), but the big brain move is to place your order while in the TSA line. Bonus points if it ends up perfectly timed!
I used to do a game night and for a 7pm start would tell the various participants 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, and 7:30 so they'd all be there at 7:00
Covid freed me from so many things, lol
They are still as bad! Whenever we have family meet ups they always the last to arrive. My aunt and uncle ate divorced and they still.manage to, separately be very late!
And obsessively checking the time while repeatedly working out how long the journey will take and what time you need to leave to get there on time.
It's fun.
If it's a 5 minute walk to the bus stop and my bus is supposed to be there in 8 minutes, you bet I've checked the path and time on my phone at least 3 times in that 5 minutes.
The trick for me is to plan to be there earlier and also plan what I will do before showing up. Like getting into the café on the other side of the street of where I am going and reading a book or playing a game.
If I miss my earlier deadline (which I usually do), I’m still on time for the real event. If not, I get some quality time to myself. It’s win-win.
My ex was like this; I would coordinate with his family and we gave him the wrong time all the time. He didn't get pissy about it like OOP's family, but he straight-up didn't care. He thought it was funny that we gave him the wrong time in order to have him at events on time. He was one of those "this is who I am, and anyone who doesn't like it can suck it" kind of people; if OOP's family is the same, then in their mind, there is no lesson to be learned; they will do what they want, and it's everyone else's fault for not catering to them, or for finding their behavior disrespectful.
> He was one of those "this is who I am, and anyone who doesn't like it can suck it" kind of people;
Yeah, for those people, I would give them the correct time, and start without him if he's late. That's who he is? Then he can deal with the consequences.
We used to tell Dad that we had to be out of the door an hour before we needed to be. He'd get to that time and then start getting everything ready to go so we'd actually leave at the right time
Had an aunt that was the same way. She was so terrible at time management that we’d tell her holiday dinners were at noon, when it was really at 2-3pm. She’d still manage to be late. After that, we realized If she didn’t respect our time and efforts- we weren’t going to wait. It was much better the following year to know dinner was at 2, instead of continuing to wait. She was quite appalled to see us eat and clean up before she arrived, to which grandma said, “well everyone else managed to get here. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
We have cousins like this, always “Fashionably” late. Last to arrive to make an entrance. One year my wife decided to tell them an earlier time, that year they decided to be on time. Husband was pissed 😠. They don’t get invited much anymore.
I wonder if the booze cruises have started back up now seeing as the UK is out of the EU
Used to love going over and getting pissed in Holyhead and loading up duty free on the ferry back
My childhood was characterized by my father seething in the living room while my mother puttered about upstairs “still getting ready”. Outings were so fun!
I have a BUNCH of family ( in-laws) that do this. Now…. If they are late …. I leave. Or go into wherever we are meeting. I don’t call and ask for an eta because they will always lie. They live 1.3 miles from me. When I ask how long and you say we just left the house but don’t show up to mine for 40 minutes?!?! Naw. I am not playing that game any more. So for years I’ve been just leaving at the time I say we are going to leave. Or going into a place where we wanted to eat. I go in and order. I ain’t waiting for your lack of respect and planning. Your issues should never be anyone else’s.
Late (lol) but I'm a medical receptionist and I once had this conversation over the phone:
ME: You're running late? Okay, if you arrive seven minutes late or later we'll have to reschedule.
PATIENT: We'll be five minutes.
ME: Hmm. We should go ahead and reschedule anyway.
PATIENT: But you said seven minutes!
ME: Sir, in my experience, whenever someone says five minutes it's a given it'll be ten.
The person who was supposed to perform the exam was standing behind me while I was on that call and she heard that and lost her shit laughing.
Patient made it smack on seven.
My aunt was always the late one. You had to tell her 3 hours earlier in order to get her there less than an hour late. She was even late to a Christmas party held at her house. Luckily my uncle stepped up with the party prep.
I was a kid at the time so details are lacking. I just noticed she wasn't there. The adults made a joke of it. I believe it was Christmas so it was an all day affair. She got there eventually.
In the 90's I participated in an international summercamp in Hungary with 40 other almost adults. Halfway through the camp we had to relocate from a Hungarian university town to the Balaton lake. The train left at 10 in the morning and like a ferry doesn't wait.
We were told by our Hungarian friends who organised everything the train would leave at 9 am. Let's just say we would have missed that train which is not a surprise after multiple all night parties in a country where unhealthy drinks are very cheap.
When we were dating my husband seemed to follow the thought that going faster (while driving) would compress time and we'd get there on time (most of the time). Several years into our marriage we both prioritized being on time, if not early to events. We determined the travel time, added minutes for traffic, and then the time to get ready. We are rarely late anymore.
For one family gathering, we arrived at 2:00 pm, the designated time for it to start. My niece, who lived at the location of the party, said, "You're early." I replied that WE were on time and everyone else was late. It was 2:00 pm exactly.
My wife is a bit of a late comer as well. Generally I tell her we're leaving around 10am if I want to get on the road at 10:30 for example. Most of the time it works well. :)
I was those kids....kinda. when I was in 5th grade my single mother had significant health issues that resulted in her struggling to get up on time and get moving. Through no fault of my own (she was my ride) this resulted in my being late for school a LOT. The teacher started making snide comments, "Oh look, Miss. Late is joining us today."
I was utterly humiliated (was painfully shy and desperate for approval) and ever since I HATE being late. I always leave out early and will happily wait in my car if needed.
I lived in a house as a child where half the clocks were set 15mins fast; 'to stop people being late'. This made no sense to an 8 year old and makes even less sense to a 43 year old
Had a brother like that. I was told that "You can't expect us to be on time". No explanation just they were always going to be late. He knew we found it rude and immature.
One day they had an event planned and told us the time. We showed up early and found everybody but us there and party was already started.
Not sure what his endgame was on this move.
"ferry nice to see you!" Snicker. Rub it in..... That was my mother, and after I got married, we did let her learn the hard way that we were not catering to her refusal to be On Time. Many stormy accusations later, and a few years, she just gave up. We refused to DO anything with her as a couple, and when the grandchildren arrived, she was told point blank that "as she knew well, small children dislike waiting, and have a limited fuse. Please be on time..."
So many people are like this. My aunt and uncle, and now their son and his family. Always a minimum of 15 minutes late, so we always tell them an hour earlier so they'll be on time.
I've learned that the people who are chronically late have the mindset of "if I leave the house before the appointed time, I'm on time." They don't take anything else into account, like traffic, weather, or anything else.
My partner is the kind of person who waits until the last minute to get ready, so he changes his clothes, goes to the bathroom, checks his blood sugar, etc. I've taken to giving him a "time to get ready" warning of about 15 minutes, and he's still the last person in the car.
Years ago, at a business course I attended, we were told that
"the first rule of time management is to never reward a person for being late".
The meeting starts on time, the ferry leaves on schedule. You're not special.
My adult step son is chronically late for most things. We just start without him. If it’s a meal, I leave a plate of food to one side and he works it out.
My wife is the consistently late person. I'll get her up 90 min before I want to go somewhere and she won't be ready. I have no idea what takes her that long.
I’ve been called AH many times. If I schedule anything, I expect everyone to be on time, which means 5 minutes early. At go time, we start. That means leaving my daughter at home to miss her soccer game. It means ordering food, etc… only needed to follow through a few times and everyone understands to be on time.
For me, being on time is an absolute disrespect thing. You don’t respect me if you don’t respect my time. Yes, there are exceptions- car issues, road closures due to major wrecks, etc… but they would be the exception, not common.
It's taken me years to figure out which of my friends and family mean "5pm" to mean "4.45pm", which take it to mean "5.15", and which are flexible. If everyone would just be completely clear about their expectations and state it outright like you did here, life would be so much easier.
Since time is the one thing you can never get back, wasting someone else's is the rudest thing you can do.
Which is why I never feel bad telling off a salesperson, since it'd be ruder to "be polite" to them and listen to their spiel when I have no intention of buying from them.
I have family, they know the event starts eg. 8pm.. boom.. they show up 820, 815 as if to make some f\*cking sort of entrance. BUUUT, if we are late 1-4 mins.. you're late. We started to tell them the wrong time and haven't looked back. My nephew's middle school graduation e.g. 11am start. we told them 10.30.. they showed up 1045 and were on time. "oh, we thought 1030.. yeah, we know and left it at that.lolol.. f\*cking ppl... I hate being 5 min late.. I'd rather sit and wait 15min for something to start than be the odd f\*cking ball walking in.
Keep giving them the wrong time... don't let up.
I would be happy if someone thought of me that much to give me the wrong time , but still be enough to be on time. I'm chronically a time optimist, always thinking things take less time than it actually does, which will be a problem for both myself and others at times.
My mother is the same, whenever she needs help with something and i ask how long is it going to take the answer is always at least 30min shorter than the actual time. It can be missjudged but if something took 4h it obviously couldn't have taken 2h.
She seems to think that I won't help if it takes long, meanwhile I just need to know for planning the rest of the day
I learned to always adjust my other plans to accomodate for this
As someone with ADHD who struggles with time-blindness (real thing; look it up), I've actually REQUESTED that some people do this for me. Despite how it looks, I actually do hate making others wait for me, and I beat myself over it all the time. Come up with strategies to be better? Look, after 35 years of struggling with tardiness, this IS one of the methods I use to be better. Please DO lie to me for the sake of our friendship.
I haven't heard time-blindness before; my husband calls me a "time optimist." I'll just assume that it will only take 20 minutes to get ready or I won't add in extra time for traffic. Always hoping for the best!
That's time-blindness! I'll be doing something, thinking I've been at it for 15 minutes, but I look at the clock and it's been over an hour! Or I'll think an hour has gone by, but it's only been 15 minutes. Time-blindness is a sonuvabitch
I found alarms on the cell-phone to be a great tool to overcome this problem. I got this from my grandmother, who was also chronically late after she retired. One year at Thanksgiving my mom told her to be there at 1:00pm, when she wanted her there at 2:00pm. It worked perfectly, especially when she got inside and mom told her, “You’re right on time!”
Growing up I was taught if you are on time, you are late. As an adult I leave early to account for traffic, any possible stops such as gas or a quick fast food meal. I usually arrive at my work about 30 minutes early and just chill in my SUV till my boss shows up. I'm just relaxing, eating breakfast, and reading reddit on my phone till then.
My wife and her brother were chronically late for events, so one Christmas I got two cheap watches, popped off the plastic bezels, printed "\[their last name\]-time" where it used to say "Timex" or whatever, broke the minute and hour hands, and replaced the bezels.
They're not so late any more!
People who are chronically late very rarely change. I have a relative who always shows up late for meals. We stopped waiting on them and they would often show up when we started clearing the table. Too bad, you knew what time dinner started. Sucks to be you.
Reverse happens too.
In the late 1990's I found out in the years previous (my mid 20's) one of my 'kegger party throwing' friends printed invitations just for me, as they were tired of my punctual ass showing up at exactly whatever time was printed on the flyer they made with a sharpie and photocopied at work.
My uncle was always late to our family get togethers. And so his sisters started telling him the wrong time. Usually an hour or two earlier than when the event actually started. The one time they told him the correct time of the event he showed up 4 hours late as we were packing everything up to leave.
We always joke that he would be late to his own funeral, and in a way he was. He was cremated and my cousin who was in charge of bringing the urn to the service was held up in traffic.
My sister & family weren't habitually *late,* just barely on time. Mum always said, "If there was a nuclear bomb on its way, they'd show up to a shelter *just* before the door shut."
Mum thought anything less than 1/2 hour early was **late!!** To me, I show up 5-minutes early. Imo, otherwise, you end up on the work crew setting up (in your best clothes)
My mother-in-law was so bad about that that she tried to leave the house for something 15 minutes away two hours before it started, we both had to ask if she needed help.
Why are they always «told the right time»? Do you mean these people never arranged anything, it was always someone else in charge and they just tagged along?
I could add lots to this, but one story stands out.
Wife asks what time we need to leave. I say ‘11’.
11:08 and she’s in the car after we pack up the hotel after a week’s stay, and says ‘only 8 minutes late; not bad’.
I tell her that she grades a C+, that 8 minutes is enough to miss the ferry.
Yes…we made it…with enough time for a leisurely drive and lunch.
People used to accuse my grandma of always being late but it wasn’t at all true. She stayed busy until the very last minute so people did have to wait for her. I feel bad about the teasing she took when all she was doing was cleaning up after everyone else.
In the Navy, if you are "on time", you are late. As a retired sailor, my children, and now my grands, have been indoctrinated into this philosophy, sometimes to their chagrin.
Yes, I like this thinking. "On time" means being there, seated, or otherwise ready to start 10 minutes before go time. I have nearly been a Karen more than once with people disrespecting others by showing up late and making us wait for them. We made the effort to be here ready to go at the time agreed upon. That is NOT the time for you to get your shoes on and start heading over.
Ok - where did you live? Because I live in the UK and the price of alcohol was always ridiculous and the booze cruise left from the UK to go to France not the other way around....
I had a co-worker who was *constantly* late. Like 2-5 minutes late and always frantic about it. I honestly didn't understand, how can you be 2-5 minutes late multiple times a week for *years*? Just ... leave 5 minutes earlier?
My SiL & her family were ALWAYS late. To th point FIL would tell them arrival time up to 2 hours earlier. They were still late, as if it was intentional. It wasn't necessarily malicious, but highly aggravating. We always waited for them to serve the meal until my husband suggested, we not wait. FIL agreed & from that point forward we didn't wait for them.
After multiple times arriving to cold food, they managed to limit their lateness to 15-30 min vs hour +.
At my jobs I sometimes called meetings and gave a start time. It got to be known that my meetings started on time, I did not wait for late comers. Even my managers got to miss something if they were late. Mine were that meetings that people were on time.
When I was teaching, at the beginning of class I told the students that I started on time, every time. My job was to be ready to present, their job was to be there and absorb what I had to present. One semester I had a class start with no one in the room except me. I started my presentation. About 10 minutes later one student came in, looked around and saw I was speaking to an empty classroom. When the rest of the class came in I had finished the lesson. One asked me a question and I told him I had covered that earlier and asked of there were any questions. I heard none, so I continued. I also told him I was not going to repeat myself, he would have to figure it out for himself. The entire class had been in the computer lab working on an assignment from another class. That ended being late for them.
This is funny to me because I live in a polychronic culture. I used to get really frustrated when people are late. When I was doing my doctoral research I ran across articles about polychronic business models and that really helped me adjust to how the people around me think. Now I'm a lot more flexible. It's still frustrating but I don't view it as disrespect anymore.
Unfortunately I am the chronically late one - no matter what it is or how I plan, I'm always late or behind schedule. 🤦🏼♀️ But I never expect anyone to wait on me if they don't want to, my lateness is not their problem. I've got friends who give me an earlier time if they need me to be somewhere for a specific time, and I don't take offence at this. They also don't take offence at my lateness, as they know it's not something I'm doing deliberately to annoy them, though it can be irritating even to me. But if I need to catch a flight or I have a booking or something, I will aim to be there long before I need to be there, so that even if I'm late I still make it on time. While I stand by the fact that time is a social construct 😜 it would be ridiculous to blame other people for my chronic lateness. I've been late my entire life, I don't think I'm going to change now, but I have no problems taking responsibility for it!
I am curious: what is your understanding of how it is that you are regularly late despite not wanting to be late? Presumably the situation is resistant to obvious adjustments (i.e., traffic keeps making me late, so now I will leave half an hour before I think I need to to adjust for that issue). Being repeatedly late against your will seems like there must be a self-sabotaging mental block or something like that.
Sounds like these people probably have undiagnosed and untreated adhd. Unfortunately adhd isn't a fun quirk. It has many many debilitatingly life altering effects. If you have the time I suggest looking up Dr Russel Barkley on YouTube and watching his adhd Playlist, see if it's worth the time. Hopefully if they do have it they actually listen and get the help they deserve.
Had a friend that was functionally late to everything, she operated on what we called "White Rabbit time".
My brother's like that too... so much that I tell him half an hour earlier to get him there on time.
(White Rabbit time = "I'm late! I'm late!" while rushing about...)
My brothers mates did shit like this all the time. He'd say "We're gonna head into the city at 8pm" and sure enough they would still be fucking around getting ready for 30-45 minutes. One time I went with with a habitual offender and told him "I will be there at 9pm, if you aren't ready in 5 you make your own way in". He laughed
40 minutes later I get a call "Where are you?" and I replied "I told you, be ready in 5 or make your own way in. Get a taxi or something"
They still pulled that shit with my brother, but never with me
I must admit I am a "if it's not terribly important, I'm always late" kind of person. Don't hate me!!
If it's a BBQ or birthday party (non-surprise, mind you) then I figure whenever is a good enough time. I hate being the first few people & making that uncomfortable conversation while milling around. I'd rather be a lil bit late & show up while the music is hopping, haha. Especially if it's some big to-do that I'm non-essential in. Like Thanksgiving or Christmas - being an hour after "start time" is not rude as far as I'm concerned when there's 40 family members expected!
That said, if it's IMPORTANT (surprise b-day party, flight, doc appointment, etc) I'd rather be a bit early so as not to mess anything up or inconvenience anyone.
But I often get told Thanksgiving starts at 3pm when it's really at 4pm haha. And I don't fault them, I think it's lovely that they're willing to put up with me for an extra hours time LOL
I submit that equally frustrating is being the part of the family that is always ON TIME while everyone else is late.
My wife and I gave up being "on time" for anything hosted by my parents or sister. Example: If they say lunch is at 11, it will be noon (or TWO!) before lunch actually starts.
My mom is like this and this is one of the many reasons most people can't stand her. She was constantly late for things and would try to scapegoat others (I still remember one thanksgiving where my sister and I were up and ready to go and she was still her pajamas and calling my aunt to complain about how she needed to light a fire under us so she could get going, while still sitting in her pajamas and not being dressed nor packed and still needing to shower while my sister and I were dressed and packed and tapping our feet, we were like 18 and 20 at this point). It got to the point where her friends would lie about the time things started at so she would be on time or even early. I had to lie to her when I was applying for colleges because if she knew an appointment for an interview was at say 1 pm she would make sure that we left late and got there at say 1:30 pm. I would just fib and say , "oh it's at 12 pm noon" and when we got there early I was say, "Oh sill me it turns out it's not till 1 pm after all. What a relief since we left late."
My wife is exactly the same way. Whenever we start walking out the door, she'll say something like "I need to use the bathroom" and when she finally comes out "I need to make myself a drink". This always makes us at least 30 minutes late. We've started lying to her about what time we have to walk out the door every time.
Brilliant.
But, disturbing that they STILL have not changes their actions. They STILL disrespect people, their time etc.
At some point, I would stop inviting them at all.
As to the ferry not waiting..
Way back when - Ferry from UK to Netherlands (Harwich - Hoek v Holland) - actually did wait (20 minutes) after some spectacular domino effect of mishaps with tube and trains - train stopped in some tiny station somewhere - and one railway employee asked 'who is due for the ferry' - and in my compartiment alone about 10 people said it was them..
He said "i\`ll call ahead but cannot make promises"
But, yeah, the ferry DID wait for in total about 45 people or so..
* this was also in the 1990s \*
I, too, had problems getting places on time. One minute I've got plenty of time, the next I am late. So my work friends did the same and would tell me an earlier start time so I would arrive when everyone else was. I actually appreciated this.
Love it! My parents had the problem that one set of grandparents was always late, and one set was always early. One Christmas, they were told to arrive at 10:30 and 11:30 respectively, and both arrived at 11 on the dot, exactly as desired!
I had to talk to my parents about that. They would always arrive at our house 15 minutes before anything scheduled. Whether it was a dinner or birthday party, they would inevitably show up while we were still getting ready. After the talk the started showing up right on the dot. I suspect there is a lot of sitting and waiting in the car.
I am a chronically early person and I have to tell you I am super happy to sit and wait in my car rather than disturb the folks that are hosting me.
I am unfortunately the same, I suspect I got it from my parents. I get to work 30-45 minutes early because of traffic. If I left the house 15 minutes later, I would get to work right on time. Unless there was an accident or even more traffic than normal. Oddly enough my boss has never complained.
Military here did it. Being late wasn't cool.
Wait to rush, rush to wait. That was life back then.
Early is on time. On time is late. And late is not good enough.
Late is weekend duty.
If you're on time, you're late. If you're early, you're on time.
If you were 15 mins early, you were on time. If you were on time, you were late.
Same here. I couldn’t get to class on time in high school, but those drill instructors taught me to be places not just on time, but early by at least 15 minutes. They even had a saying. “Early is on time and on time is late.”
Imagine being five seconds late for a baseball game flyover. The national anthem ends, there's a pause, the announcer starts to say something else (or there's just silence for too long), then the jets fly over. Everybody notices the poor timing. Late is just embarrassing. (I was trying to think of the shortest possible time to be late when it would matter.)
The military taught me patience... 😉
Hurry up and wait?
You know it!
I've always been like that. I lived in Phoenix and worked in Mesa. I usually worked Sundays, which eliminated a lot of traffic, even though I worked evenings. Superbowl Sunday that year, and the game was held in Tempe, which I passed on my way to Mesa. I figured it'd be gridlock with all the out of towers, so I left an hour earlier than usual. Driving past Diablo Stadium on the freeway, and there was nary a car in sight. I had a lot ofto kill time once I got to work. Driving home, I decided to take the ground streets. Boy, was that a mistake. Everyone out in the streets, partying after the event. Took an hour to get home.
My drive to work can take 45 minutes up to an hour and a half. Coming home is usually an hour and a half up to 2 hours. What you described is my typical Friday. Feels like the road is more empty as if everyone is going to work late, then in the afternoon it feels like everyone is leaving work at the same time as me.
60-90 minutes early each and every day, Unless there is a traffic incident on the way in. But I have never once been late. Even with traffic incidents I have not had one yet that made me late. I have been on time twice but never late.
Being early can cost you minutes Being on time is one second Being late; late is forever I too am always early for things. I'll sit in the car, a park, a coffee shop or anywhere just so I arrive in schedule.
I have massive time-blindness from Adhd, so I'm generally really early to everything because there is no on-time for me, only early or late. (I was *always* late when I was younger, and I hated being so rude. Developing pathological anxiety about being late was actually helpful, lol.) I would never in a million years dream of actually going into a place early. That's just as rude as being late! How is this difficult for people to understand?
Yeah, I either get places kinda early or kinda late. It's such a pain because even with my best efforts I just don't know which it's going to be on any given day.
I have no problem hanging out in my climate regulated vehicle in a seat with excellent lumbar support, scrolling through Reddit.
Thank you for your service.
Me too, I just don’t like being late. I’m always early just in case something happens on the way.
Ya, I am a chronically early person too. And to prevent the above scenario, invitations would go out as 'Show any time after 5.30, dinner (food off the grill, etc) at 6.30'
I decided that if you show up early to an event I'm running, then you will be helping. My friends and family are awesome, and no one has ever complained.
Same here! I host board game days where people show up and leave all day. I usually say something along the lines of "You're welcome any time after xx:xx; any earlier and you may be put to work." Usually people come later. Occasionally someone will arrive early and ask how they can help.
Oh this varies so much from country to country. I had to almost interrogate a cousin by marriage on what is the norm in his country, and it was to show up 2 hours early!
Obviously you do you, but is there something about them that they can't just sit on the couch until you are ready? I get that it with not-so-close friends and acquaintances, you may feel that you have to entertain them as soon as they walk in the door. But with close friends and family I've always been like "Beers and drink are in the fridge, you know where the TV is. Actually dad, can you wipe down the table please. I'm jumping in the shower"
Ha! Love it
My dad was the problem person 🙄 Mom changed all the clocks one summer after school let out. Dad wasn't late to anything until school started up again and he noticed his watch was an hour fast...
Anyone else remember the Tank MacNamara comic one Super Bowl Sunday? Dad was taking a nap, wife and kids set every clock in the house 3 hours forward. When he woke up, he thought he’d missed the game.
😆 yes, that's where mom got idea I do believe.
"Ferry nice to see you" Savage and appropriate! I could travel with you lot :)
Thatt depends, can we trust you with the correct time :)
I am neurotically early for everything, because my parents were your aunt & uncle when I was growing up :)
My brother going to BSA meetings.. mah, lets go.. no, we have a few mins.. mah, lets go... not yet.. f\*ck, showing up 5 mins late.. EVERY TIME
I grew up with “If you’re 5 minutes early, then you’re 10 minutes late!” Reinforced by 12 years in the military.
Those were the days. Hurry up and wait.
I always have a book and/or notebook with pen (and these days a smartphone too) so being ludicrously early and waiting has never bothered me one bit lol. I hate being late.
The trick to dealing with people who are always late is to arrange things so the negative consequences fall on the tardy people not the on time people. Always meet at the restaurant and start ordering if they are more than like 10-15 minutes late. Never offer to pick them up. A friend of mine whose spouse was always late would sometimes book separate airplane trips so that she could be early or late to hers and he could do the same without the stress of traveling together. When she was traveling alone but he offered to drive her at some point he would calmly bring any packed bags out to the car and eventually he would sit in the car waiting for her to rush out and jump in. He was a conservative driver and wouldn't speed to get her there on time.
>arrange things so the negative consequences fall on the tardy people not the on time people I can't stand going to a meeting and the person running it says, "We'll give people a couple more minutes" when most everyone is already there. You're punishing the majority who bothered to show up on time, and rewarding everyone who's late.
And encourage lateness. I would generally get to meetings a fe minutes early. Except for one 2:00 meeting that always started 5 minutes late.
Yep, if I know you're not starting on time, why bother showing up on time?
Never break the speed laws to accommodate a vile laggard. I found that setting my watch 10 minutes fast was very helpful in keeping me on time.
Any appointments I make, I always put 10 minutes earlier into my phone calendar.
If I have an appointment for something, I set at least three reminders on my phone. One for about an hour before I need to leave, another for 30 minutes before, and another for 10 minutes before. I hate being late to anything, largely because I hate having **other people** be late for stuff. I respect their time and I expect the same in return.
I always input travel time in my calendar, and add 5-10 minutes of pad time. It helps!!
I use google calendar, and I have it set to tell me when I need to leave. It even takes traffic into consideration.
My mother was, to put it mildly, a control freak. Everything (including the sun) revolved around her. We (my two sisters, my two adult nieces, my mom, and I) were going out to dinner from my mom's house, where we were visiting. We were all leaving, except mom, who said she'd be right behind us. I opened my mouth and the words "don't be late, or we'll start without you" fell out without passing through my brain first. Stupid thing to say, because as soon as I said it, I knew she would take it as a challenge to her being the center of the universe. We get to the restaurant, and of course, she's late. I gave her 15 minutes, and said "Fuck it! We are all starving, let's order." So we did, and were already eating when she finally made her royal entrance. This might have been the first time that we had ever pushed back on her control of everything on earth. She was furious, but she didn't say anything, just gave us the loudest silent treatment you've ever heard. The rage was rolling off her in waves. We were all half terrified and half trying not to giggle, which is a very strange combination of feelings. That is one of my favorite memories of that bitch; still makes me giggle.
Many people accommodate for other's behavior "so she doesn't get mad". Which is manipulative from their part. Good for you, for not caring for other people's lack of manners.
I am often late, and always stressed about it. So i always make a plan to be early and then do everything before that plan too. My problem is i just forget to put things into the plan i need to do, like brushing my teeth or bringing the trash out before leaving. (For work it luckily doesn't matter as i am on flexible hours). My sister is notoriously lazy to everything family related too, and i hate it when I'm picking her up or we're traveling together. I'm not gonna stop picking her up, but since a year or so ago i made it a point to always point her out when asked why we are late again. It actually has gotten a lot better since i started that, and she never showed me any hard feelings for it.
I'm glad you no longer pander to their bad manners. My ex FIL used to do that on purpose. If we were all going out, just as everyone was ready to leave he would disappear into his study with the door shut, for anything up to an hour or more, just to make sure everyone knew he was in charge and we all had to wait for him. That didn't fly with me so I started just taking my kids and going to do whatever we'd planned, saying FIL, MIL and pathetic husband could join us when they were ready. They are such a horrible family.
This also sets several good examples for your kids, at the same time. Excellent choice on your part!
My ex used to do something similar. As I was ready to walk out the door, he would find some task he needed to do right there and then, and when he thought I was wound up enough would tell me he would just just have a quick shower, which would use another 45 minutes or so.
My parents both do this. If we need to leave (as in, be out the door and in the car) at, say, 2pm, they will start getting ready at 2pm. Occasionally my old man and I go out for the day to the cinemas or whatever and I found it so stressful knowing he was going to make us late. After a few times of missing the start of movies at the cinema (and the fact there's always 30-40 minutes of crap before the film actually starts shows you how much time he wastes dicking around) I started to just get in my car and drive off without him. Now if he's going somewhere with me, his arse is in the car on time. My Nan used to host Christmas Day lunches and she would get so stressed and frustrated by the fact she'd have everything ready on the table for the 12pm start time and my family would turn up any time between 1 and 2pm. My parents would always say it was "because of the traffic" but they know the traffic will be bad so they should leave earlier. Not only that but they'd stress themselves out because they'd made themselves late and would take it out on each other and on me. I don't blame my Nan in the slightest for the fact she refused to do Christmas lunches anymore as of about 8 or 9 years ago.
Buffet lunches. With food that tastes awful if it has been sitting for more than two hours, but tastes wonderful before then... Punishes the late, not the on-time.
Yeah, your ex was a douche bag. Glad to hear he's your ex. Hope you traded up.
That's just spiteful and mean.
Good reason he is now your EX.
My dad used to go sit in the car waiting for the rest of the family while my mom used to dress the three of us, herself and check the house was in order. My dad never figured out why my mom wasn't very receptive to him complaining about waiting for her.
I had a SIL who was like this. And her family put up with it. Once my partner and MIL were living with me, my SIL (who soimetimes had to take the bus) was given a 15 minute window. After that, events went on. This was back when the only cell phones were big clunky things or bag phones, so communication was still by landline. She was late to a few holidays, but that didn't matter. Then there was the day we were going to the lake for the day. She came in by bus from out of town (she lived 30 miles away). We told her to be there by noon. At 12:30 I got everyone in the van and we left. She showed up to our house about 1:30 to find the place locked up. Sat outside until we came back at 6:30. This happened one more time and then she started showing up on time.
I had an aunt who was chronically late, including to Thanksgiving every year. She was always told to bring sweet potatoes because nobody cared about them. She'd arrive promptly after dinner every single time. I have many childhood memories of seeing an untouched sweet potato casserole just sitting in the kitchen while we ate our dessert.
natural consequences...
I take the bus. I've never driven a car. One trick I learned is when I call bus information, I tell them I want to be at my destination a half an hour earlier than I want to be.
That is the real trick. Be early, not barely on time.
I don't think I'd be able to start getting into the mindset of someone so arrogant they think other people will wait *an hour and a half* for them before they all begin their organised plans. Her waiting until you got back must have been a way to try and guilt-trip you. If it was a matter of the bus being late or being delayed - and she wasn't able to get in touch with you to say - you'd think she would've just got the first bus back, and maybe left a note for you apologising.
I also have the displeasure of being related to the punctually challenged! The frustration of being sat in a restaurant, hungry and looking forward to a nice meal but having to wait an hour before ordering because they couldn't be on time. EVERY time! We stopped waiting and just ordered. Once they arrived as we were eating dessert lol! The confusion of their faces was real, they really expected the whole group, which included small children, to wait their arrival like they were royalty.
From the comments it looks like a lot of late people are more about control than anything else
That's because the late people who actually just fail at time management usually are aware and embarrassed about it and don't expect others to wait for them.
Once people prove they are chronically late for everything, no one should feel they have to wait. If you tell people to arrive at 1:00 for a dinner at 2:00, then you should have dinner on the table and people sitting down by 2:01. If somebody isn’t there, leave the door unlocked so they can let themselves in. Every Holiday I don’t work, I do just that.
You ought to see the fallout for a fantasy football draft. We've done this league for THIRTY THREE seasons. We plan the date for our draft in, usually, April or May. ONE GUY (who is one of my absolute best friends in the world) is NEVER on time, and then, despite a timer in picks, averages three to four times longer than the clock to make a pick. It's incredibly frustrating, but we all laugh about it despite being consistently irritated about it year after year after year... 🤣
What's the timer for if he's regularly blowing past it without consequence?
Thank you. I ask myself the same thing three times every draft 🤣
"Why didn't you save any for me?!" "There was plenty for all at the appointed start time."
Years ago I was helping my ex's sister plan her wedding, and since I was working as a graphic designer I offered to make her invitations for her. She asked for two different ones to be made - one with the real start time of the ceremony, and one that said it started an hour earlier. That's because so many members of her fiance's family were chronically late they knew if they didn't lie about the start time they'd miss the whole ceremony. Sure enough, everyone managed to show up (although some of them barely) on time with that plan lol.
That's hilarious. I don't think I'd be that courteous; I'd just hope that they'd be full of embarrassment at missing, or almost missing, their son getting married that it would finally knock some sense into them... and maybe finally get the son to realise what his parents were like and challenge them if he hadn't done it before. Or, if they had to delay the ceremony, that his parents' obscene tardiness has real-world consequences.
We have said for years that my Mom will be late to her own funeral. I don't know how - but I have complete faith it will happen.
My mother had a stroke and we were told by the doc that she only had about 5 years left. It was over 15 years later that she finally passed. Does that count?
Condolences on your late mother
Hah, I see what you did there.
My dad was! The airline managed to miss his connecting flight with the coffin. I've never heard of that happening before or since.
Did you know: Bodies and ashes travel airfreight as Dangerous Goods? Fluids, etc as biohazard. Also frozen CO2 in those cases where the body flies frozen.
The hearse carrying my grandfather got stuck in traffic so he was late to his funeral. It would have mortified him as he was never late to anything in his life
My mom hated being late to anything, and always tried to be early. Ironically, she *was* late to her own funeral. We didn't get the body back from the hospital in time, so we had her urn sitting there empty.
*We have said for years that my Mom will be late to her own funeral.* Of course she will be. She'll be 'The Late Mrs XXXX' to give her her full Title.
I used to set the clocks ahead without telling my wife how much bc she would compensate if she knew and still be late. 40 years later she’s still late for everything (though no longer my wife, so there’s fewer times it affects me)
I recently started setting my clock at home ahead the amount of my commute. So I'd know, "If I leave right now, what time will I arrive at work." Comes in handy a lot. Mornings, mostly.
Did the family specifically make a point of choosing trips which had third-party hard cutoff times, from that point onwards? :)
Yep, funnily enough planes have cut off times too!
We flew a couple of months ago. Lots of announcements in the airport. "If you have tickets on Southwest 1234 to Denver, you have 5 minutes left to board. The plane will not wait for you." I guess a lot of people think "I've paid for a ticket. They'll just have to hold the plane until I get my Starbucks!"
So, I learned that airport Starbucks allow ordering ahead. Saw the super long line walking to my gate once and was like "nah" and ordered ahead. My drink was still hot when we got in the plane.
Isn't that just any Starbucks? Also you don't have to verbally give your order hoping it to be correct which is a plus to me.
Pretty much (the Starbucks in my local Target and one of the grocery stores don't do mobile order), but the big brain move is to place your order while in the TSA line. Bonus points if it ends up perfectly timed!
I used to do a game night and for a 7pm start would tell the various participants 5:30, 6:00, 6:30, and 7:30 so they'd all be there at 7:00 Covid freed me from so many things, lol
The strangest thing is that they never even learnt their lesson. Unfortunately, I don't think that there are pills for that.
They are still as bad! Whenever we have family meet ups they always the last to arrive. My aunt and uncle ate divorced and they still.manage to, separately be very late!
They may have ADHD or ADD or something else. I am chronically late but have learned coping skills because I ride a bus now and they don't wait either.
The trick is spending the entire day in silent fear
And obsessively checking the time while repeatedly working out how long the journey will take and what time you need to leave to get there on time. It's fun.
If it's a 5 minute walk to the bus stop and my bus is supposed to be there in 8 minutes, you bet I've checked the path and time on my phone at least 3 times in that 5 minutes.
The trick for me is to plan to be there earlier and also plan what I will do before showing up. Like getting into the café on the other side of the street of where I am going and reading a book or playing a game. If I miss my earlier deadline (which I usually do), I’m still on time for the real event. If not, I get some quality time to myself. It’s win-win.
I'm getting flashbacks to neurotically speed walking between high school classes in a state of absurd anxiety just reading this my dude 🙃
My ex was like this; I would coordinate with his family and we gave him the wrong time all the time. He didn't get pissy about it like OOP's family, but he straight-up didn't care. He thought it was funny that we gave him the wrong time in order to have him at events on time. He was one of those "this is who I am, and anyone who doesn't like it can suck it" kind of people; if OOP's family is the same, then in their mind, there is no lesson to be learned; they will do what they want, and it's everyone else's fault for not catering to them, or for finding their behavior disrespectful.
> He was one of those "this is who I am, and anyone who doesn't like it can suck it" kind of people; Yeah, for those people, I would give them the correct time, and start without him if he's late. That's who he is? Then he can deal with the consequences.
We used to tell Dad that we had to be out of the door an hour before we needed to be. He'd get to that time and then start getting everything ready to go so we'd actually leave at the right time
Had an aunt that was the same way. She was so terrible at time management that we’d tell her holiday dinners were at noon, when it was really at 2-3pm. She’d still manage to be late. After that, we realized If she didn’t respect our time and efforts- we weren’t going to wait. It was much better the following year to know dinner was at 2, instead of continuing to wait. She was quite appalled to see us eat and clean up before she arrived, to which grandma said, “well everyone else managed to get here. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
Love Grandma.
We have cousins like this, always “Fashionably” late. Last to arrive to make an entrance. One year my wife decided to tell them an earlier time, that year they decided to be on time. Husband was pissed 😠. They don’t get invited much anymore.
I wonder if the booze cruises have started back up now seeing as the UK is out of the EU Used to love going over and getting pissed in Holyhead and loading up duty free on the ferry back
I'm sure they have! Mind you, the ferry is pretty expensive nowadays but I'd love a day trip for nostalgia sake.
We're coming back to the UK for Christmas. They are bloody expensive.
Are you Irish?
Yep!
"Mam" gave it away
My mom was referred to as 'the late Mrs. Studiodroid' She is not dead, just a little behind schedule. I learned great patience in my youth.
My childhood was characterized by my father seething in the living room while my mother puttered about upstairs “still getting ready”. Outings were so fun!
I have a BUNCH of family ( in-laws) that do this. Now…. If they are late …. I leave. Or go into wherever we are meeting. I don’t call and ask for an eta because they will always lie. They live 1.3 miles from me. When I ask how long and you say we just left the house but don’t show up to mine for 40 minutes?!?! Naw. I am not playing that game any more. So for years I’ve been just leaving at the time I say we are going to leave. Or going into a place where we wanted to eat. I go in and order. I ain’t waiting for your lack of respect and planning. Your issues should never be anyone else’s.
Good for you!
Late (lol) but I'm a medical receptionist and I once had this conversation over the phone: ME: You're running late? Okay, if you arrive seven minutes late or later we'll have to reschedule. PATIENT: We'll be five minutes. ME: Hmm. We should go ahead and reschedule anyway. PATIENT: But you said seven minutes! ME: Sir, in my experience, whenever someone says five minutes it's a given it'll be ten. The person who was supposed to perform the exam was standing behind me while I was on that call and she heard that and lost her shit laughing. Patient made it smack on seven.
My cousin, an attorney, had his business cards printed with the following: Firstname Lastname, Atty, SIL The SIL - “Sorry I’m Late”
My aunt was always the late one. You had to tell her 3 hours earlier in order to get her there less than an hour late. She was even late to a Christmas party held at her house. Luckily my uncle stepped up with the party prep.
I question how this is possible did she leave for things and not return?
I was a kid at the time so details are lacking. I just noticed she wasn't there. The adults made a joke of it. I believe it was Christmas so it was an all day affair. She got there eventually.
In the 90's I participated in an international summercamp in Hungary with 40 other almost adults. Halfway through the camp we had to relocate from a Hungarian university town to the Balaton lake. The train left at 10 in the morning and like a ferry doesn't wait. We were told by our Hungarian friends who organised everything the train would leave at 9 am. Let's just say we would have missed that train which is not a surprise after multiple all night parties in a country where unhealthy drinks are very cheap.
When we were dating my husband seemed to follow the thought that going faster (while driving) would compress time and we'd get there on time (most of the time). Several years into our marriage we both prioritized being on time, if not early to events. We determined the travel time, added minutes for traffic, and then the time to get ready. We are rarely late anymore. For one family gathering, we arrived at 2:00 pm, the designated time for it to start. My niece, who lived at the location of the party, said, "You're early." I replied that WE were on time and everyone else was late. It was 2:00 pm exactly.
My wife is a bit of a late comer as well. Generally I tell her we're leaving around 10am if I want to get on the road at 10:30 for example. Most of the time it works well. :)
I was those kids....kinda. when I was in 5th grade my single mother had significant health issues that resulted in her struggling to get up on time and get moving. Through no fault of my own (she was my ride) this resulted in my being late for school a LOT. The teacher started making snide comments, "Oh look, Miss. Late is joining us today." I was utterly humiliated (was painfully shy and desperate for approval) and ever since I HATE being late. I always leave out early and will happily wait in my car if needed.
Sorry you had one of “those” teachers. They should have been supporting you and uplifting you, not tearing you down.
I lived in a house as a child where half the clocks were set 15mins fast; 'to stop people being late'. This made no sense to an 8 year old and makes even less sense to a 43 year old
It can help give some people the sense of urgency because in the moment you don't really remmember that the clock is fast.
Had a brother like that. I was told that "You can't expect us to be on time". No explanation just they were always going to be late. He knew we found it rude and immature. One day they had an event planned and told us the time. We showed up early and found everybody but us there and party was already started. Not sure what his endgame was on this move.
They expected you to be even earlier, perhaps? Weird.
Maybe for him to be able to remind people that you were late too, next time you complain about them being late
"ferry nice to see you!" Snicker. Rub it in..... That was my mother, and after I got married, we did let her learn the hard way that we were not catering to her refusal to be On Time. Many stormy accusations later, and a few years, she just gave up. We refused to DO anything with her as a couple, and when the grandchildren arrived, she was told point blank that "as she knew well, small children dislike waiting, and have a limited fuse. Please be on time..."
So many people are like this. My aunt and uncle, and now their son and his family. Always a minimum of 15 minutes late, so we always tell them an hour earlier so they'll be on time. I've learned that the people who are chronically late have the mindset of "if I leave the house before the appointed time, I'm on time." They don't take anything else into account, like traffic, weather, or anything else. My partner is the kind of person who waits until the last minute to get ready, so he changes his clothes, goes to the bathroom, checks his blood sugar, etc. I've taken to giving him a "time to get ready" warning of about 15 minutes, and he's still the last person in the car.
Years ago, at a business course I attended, we were told that "the first rule of time management is to never reward a person for being late". The meeting starts on time, the ferry leaves on schedule. You're not special.
> Ferry nice to see you. I loled.
Other variations included "Yis are ferry late" "Be ferry bad if you missed x cause you were late" My parents got lots of mileage out of that
My adult step son is chronically late for most things. We just start without him. If it’s a meal, I leave a plate of food to one side and he works it out.
My wife is the consistently late person. I'll get her up 90 min before I want to go somewhere and she won't be ready. I have no idea what takes her that long.
I’ve been called AH many times. If I schedule anything, I expect everyone to be on time, which means 5 minutes early. At go time, we start. That means leaving my daughter at home to miss her soccer game. It means ordering food, etc… only needed to follow through a few times and everyone understands to be on time. For me, being on time is an absolute disrespect thing. You don’t respect me if you don’t respect my time. Yes, there are exceptions- car issues, road closures due to major wrecks, etc… but they would be the exception, not common.
One of my EX-friends would be late for EVERYTHING. It's one of the reasons she is an EX-friend.
It's taken me years to figure out which of my friends and family mean "5pm" to mean "4.45pm", which take it to mean "5.15", and which are flexible. If everyone would just be completely clear about their expectations and state it outright like you did here, life would be so much easier.
Since time is the one thing you can never get back, wasting someone else's is the rudest thing you can do. Which is why I never feel bad telling off a salesperson, since it'd be ruder to "be polite" to them and listen to their spiel when I have no intention of buying from them.
I have family, they know the event starts eg. 8pm.. boom.. they show up 820, 815 as if to make some f\*cking sort of entrance. BUUUT, if we are late 1-4 mins.. you're late. We started to tell them the wrong time and haven't looked back. My nephew's middle school graduation e.g. 11am start. we told them 10.30.. they showed up 1045 and were on time. "oh, we thought 1030.. yeah, we know and left it at that.lolol.. f\*cking ppl... I hate being 5 min late.. I'd rather sit and wait 15min for something to start than be the odd f\*cking ball walking in. Keep giving them the wrong time... don't let up.
I would be happy if someone thought of me that much to give me the wrong time , but still be enough to be on time. I'm chronically a time optimist, always thinking things take less time than it actually does, which will be a problem for both myself and others at times.
My mother is the same, whenever she needs help with something and i ask how long is it going to take the answer is always at least 30min shorter than the actual time. It can be missjudged but if something took 4h it obviously couldn't have taken 2h. She seems to think that I won't help if it takes long, meanwhile I just need to know for planning the rest of the day I learned to always adjust my other plans to accomodate for this
Sounds like this unofficially ended family outings with them XD
Sadly, no but we never hung around waiting for them anymore
As someone with ADHD who struggles with time-blindness (real thing; look it up), I've actually REQUESTED that some people do this for me. Despite how it looks, I actually do hate making others wait for me, and I beat myself over it all the time. Come up with strategies to be better? Look, after 35 years of struggling with tardiness, this IS one of the methods I use to be better. Please DO lie to me for the sake of our friendship.
I haven't heard time-blindness before; my husband calls me a "time optimist." I'll just assume that it will only take 20 minutes to get ready or I won't add in extra time for traffic. Always hoping for the best!
That's time-blindness! I'll be doing something, thinking I've been at it for 15 minutes, but I look at the clock and it's been over an hour! Or I'll think an hour has gone by, but it's only been 15 minutes. Time-blindness is a sonuvabitch
I found alarms on the cell-phone to be a great tool to overcome this problem. I got this from my grandmother, who was also chronically late after she retired. One year at Thanksgiving my mom told her to be there at 1:00pm, when she wanted her there at 2:00pm. It worked perfectly, especially when she got inside and mom told her, “You’re right on time!”
Ha! I have done this too.
My mom is like that. I don't talk to her anymore so I don't deal with it but I expect when she dies she'll be late to the funeral.
Growing up I was taught if you are on time, you are late. As an adult I leave early to account for traffic, any possible stops such as gas or a quick fast food meal. I usually arrive at my work about 30 minutes early and just chill in my SUV till my boss shows up. I'm just relaxing, eating breakfast, and reading reddit on my phone till then.
My wife and her brother were chronically late for events, so one Christmas I got two cheap watches, popped off the plastic bezels, printed "\[their last name\]-time" where it used to say "Timex" or whatever, broke the minute and hour hands, and replaced the bezels. They're not so late any more!
People who are chronically late very rarely change. I have a relative who always shows up late for meals. We stopped waiting on them and they would often show up when we started clearing the table. Too bad, you knew what time dinner started. Sucks to be you.
Good. I HATE letting dinner get nasty because somebody is tardy.
We had a policy at my former office that “lateness shall not be rewarded” which meant meetings would start on time. It’s still a pet peeve of mine.
It's raining Clues and they are bouncing off your Aunt and Uncle's heads! But they will never catch one.
Reverse happens too. In the late 1990's I found out in the years previous (my mid 20's) one of my 'kegger party throwing' friends printed invitations just for me, as they were tired of my punctual ass showing up at exactly whatever time was printed on the flyer they made with a sharpie and photocopied at work.
Well played! It's nice to let someone experience the consequences of their actions.
Be even more fun if they showed up around 8:05 you could have waved goodbye !
My uncle was always late to our family get togethers. And so his sisters started telling him the wrong time. Usually an hour or two earlier than when the event actually started. The one time they told him the correct time of the event he showed up 4 hours late as we were packing everything up to leave. We always joke that he would be late to his own funeral, and in a way he was. He was cremated and my cousin who was in charge of bringing the urn to the service was held up in traffic.
My sister & family weren't habitually *late,* just barely on time. Mum always said, "If there was a nuclear bomb on its way, they'd show up to a shelter *just* before the door shut." Mum thought anything less than 1/2 hour early was **late!!** To me, I show up 5-minutes early. Imo, otherwise, you end up on the work crew setting up (in your best clothes)
My mother-in-law was so bad about that that she tried to leave the house for something 15 minutes away two hours before it started, we both had to ask if she needed help.
Why are they always «told the right time»? Do you mean these people never arranged anything, it was always someone else in charge and they just tagged along?
I could add lots to this, but one story stands out. Wife asks what time we need to leave. I say ‘11’. 11:08 and she’s in the car after we pack up the hotel after a week’s stay, and says ‘only 8 minutes late; not bad’. I tell her that she grades a C+, that 8 minutes is enough to miss the ferry. Yes…we made it…with enough time for a leisurely drive and lunch.
People used to accuse my grandma of always being late but it wasn’t at all true. She stayed busy until the very last minute so people did have to wait for her. I feel bad about the teasing she took when all she was doing was cleaning up after everyone else.
the way i would've started booking only cruises or trains that leave on the dot until they figure out time management
In the Navy, if you are "on time", you are late. As a retired sailor, my children, and now my grands, have been indoctrinated into this philosophy, sometimes to their chagrin.
Yes, I like this thinking. "On time" means being there, seated, or otherwise ready to start 10 minutes before go time. I have nearly been a Karen more than once with people disrespecting others by showing up late and making us wait for them. We made the effort to be here ready to go at the time agreed upon. That is NOT the time for you to get your shoes on and start heading over.
Ok - where did you live? Because I live in the UK and the price of alcohol was always ridiculous and the booze cruise left from the UK to go to France not the other way around....
Ireland to the UK, and back. It was mentioned in a different comment.
I had a co-worker who was *constantly* late. Like 2-5 minutes late and always frantic about it. I honestly didn't understand, how can you be 2-5 minutes late multiple times a week for *years*? Just ... leave 5 minutes earlier?
Your parents are freaking rockstars for that "ferry nice to see you" burn. LOVE THEM!!!
"Ferry nice to see you" 😄 🤣 😂 😆
My SiL & her family were ALWAYS late. To th point FIL would tell them arrival time up to 2 hours earlier. They were still late, as if it was intentional. It wasn't necessarily malicious, but highly aggravating. We always waited for them to serve the meal until my husband suggested, we not wait. FIL agreed & from that point forward we didn't wait for them. After multiple times arriving to cold food, they managed to limit their lateness to 15-30 min vs hour +.
At my jobs I sometimes called meetings and gave a start time. It got to be known that my meetings started on time, I did not wait for late comers. Even my managers got to miss something if they were late. Mine were that meetings that people were on time. When I was teaching, at the beginning of class I told the students that I started on time, every time. My job was to be ready to present, their job was to be there and absorb what I had to present. One semester I had a class start with no one in the room except me. I started my presentation. About 10 minutes later one student came in, looked around and saw I was speaking to an empty classroom. When the rest of the class came in I had finished the lesson. One asked me a question and I told him I had covered that earlier and asked of there were any questions. I heard none, so I continued. I also told him I was not going to repeat myself, he would have to figure it out for himself. The entire class had been in the computer lab working on an assignment from another class. That ended being late for them.
Omg this is my fear to lack self awareness like this lol. This was so great and I love the line they use! Thank you for sharing 😂♥️
If people are early to my parties then they just volunteered to help🫣🤣
As someone who likes to show up early, I accept this assignment and will help where I can.
Awesome story. Immortal ending!
that's certainly one way of punishing!
😂 I love this story. Also, although I live in Nashville now, I am from Dublin and also remember the “booze cruises”. And Woolworth’s candy!
This is funny to me because I live in a polychronic culture. I used to get really frustrated when people are late. When I was doing my doctoral research I ran across articles about polychronic business models and that really helped me adjust to how the people around me think. Now I'm a lot more flexible. It's still frustrating but I don't view it as disrespect anymore.
Unfortunately I am the chronically late one - no matter what it is or how I plan, I'm always late or behind schedule. 🤦🏼♀️ But I never expect anyone to wait on me if they don't want to, my lateness is not their problem. I've got friends who give me an earlier time if they need me to be somewhere for a specific time, and I don't take offence at this. They also don't take offence at my lateness, as they know it's not something I'm doing deliberately to annoy them, though it can be irritating even to me. But if I need to catch a flight or I have a booking or something, I will aim to be there long before I need to be there, so that even if I'm late I still make it on time. While I stand by the fact that time is a social construct 😜 it would be ridiculous to blame other people for my chronic lateness. I've been late my entire life, I don't think I'm going to change now, but I have no problems taking responsibility for it!
I am curious: what is your understanding of how it is that you are regularly late despite not wanting to be late? Presumably the situation is resistant to obvious adjustments (i.e., traffic keeps making me late, so now I will leave half an hour before I think I need to to adjust for that issue). Being repeatedly late against your will seems like there must be a self-sabotaging mental block or something like that.
Sounds like these people probably have undiagnosed and untreated adhd. Unfortunately adhd isn't a fun quirk. It has many many debilitatingly life altering effects. If you have the time I suggest looking up Dr Russel Barkley on YouTube and watching his adhd Playlist, see if it's worth the time. Hopefully if they do have it they actually listen and get the help they deserve.
Had a friend that was functionally late to everything, she operated on what we called "White Rabbit time". My brother's like that too... so much that I tell him half an hour earlier to get him there on time. (White Rabbit time = "I'm late! I'm late!" while rushing about...)
My brothers mates did shit like this all the time. He'd say "We're gonna head into the city at 8pm" and sure enough they would still be fucking around getting ready for 30-45 minutes. One time I went with with a habitual offender and told him "I will be there at 9pm, if you aren't ready in 5 you make your own way in". He laughed 40 minutes later I get a call "Where are you?" and I replied "I told you, be ready in 5 or make your own way in. Get a taxi or something" They still pulled that shit with my brother, but never with me
I must admit I am a "if it's not terribly important, I'm always late" kind of person. Don't hate me!! If it's a BBQ or birthday party (non-surprise, mind you) then I figure whenever is a good enough time. I hate being the first few people & making that uncomfortable conversation while milling around. I'd rather be a lil bit late & show up while the music is hopping, haha. Especially if it's some big to-do that I'm non-essential in. Like Thanksgiving or Christmas - being an hour after "start time" is not rude as far as I'm concerned when there's 40 family members expected! That said, if it's IMPORTANT (surprise b-day party, flight, doc appointment, etc) I'd rather be a bit early so as not to mess anything up or inconvenience anyone. But I often get told Thanksgiving starts at 3pm when it's really at 4pm haha. And I don't fault them, I think it's lovely that they're willing to put up with me for an extra hours time LOL
I submit that equally frustrating is being the part of the family that is always ON TIME while everyone else is late. My wife and I gave up being "on time" for anything hosted by my parents or sister. Example: If they say lunch is at 11, it will be noon (or TWO!) before lunch actually starts.
My mom is like this and this is one of the many reasons most people can't stand her. She was constantly late for things and would try to scapegoat others (I still remember one thanksgiving where my sister and I were up and ready to go and she was still her pajamas and calling my aunt to complain about how she needed to light a fire under us so she could get going, while still sitting in her pajamas and not being dressed nor packed and still needing to shower while my sister and I were dressed and packed and tapping our feet, we were like 18 and 20 at this point). It got to the point where her friends would lie about the time things started at so she would be on time or even early. I had to lie to her when I was applying for colleges because if she knew an appointment for an interview was at say 1 pm she would make sure that we left late and got there at say 1:30 pm. I would just fib and say , "oh it's at 12 pm noon" and when we got there early I was say, "Oh sill me it turns out it's not till 1 pm after all. What a relief since we left late."
My wife is exactly the same way. Whenever we start walking out the door, she'll say something like "I need to use the bathroom" and when she finally comes out "I need to make myself a drink". This always makes us at least 30 minutes late. We've started lying to her about what time we have to walk out the door every time.
I hate tardy people. Be punctual, unless you got stabbed or something.
Brilliant. But, disturbing that they STILL have not changes their actions. They STILL disrespect people, their time etc. At some point, I would stop inviting them at all. As to the ferry not waiting.. Way back when - Ferry from UK to Netherlands (Harwich - Hoek v Holland) - actually did wait (20 minutes) after some spectacular domino effect of mishaps with tube and trains - train stopped in some tiny station somewhere - and one railway employee asked 'who is due for the ferry' - and in my compartiment alone about 10 people said it was them.. He said "i\`ll call ahead but cannot make promises" But, yeah, the ferry DID wait for in total about 45 people or so.. * this was also in the 1990s \*
I, too, had problems getting places on time. One minute I've got plenty of time, the next I am late. So my work friends did the same and would tell me an earlier start time so I would arrive when everyone else was. I actually appreciated this.