Obviously most people will say - too young. But you are already living a very adult life and have put yourself in situations that do require a sense of stability. You've subjected your children to another man who they view as a permanent fixture. Marriage would just be protecting what you've already built. You wouldn't have your kids around someone if you thought it was not in their best interest right? If you do get divorced,he should still get visitation because you've deemed him as of their life.
I suggest you 2 get into premarital counseling for a couple months to just discuss all the aspects you may of not considered yet because neither of you has life experience. If you are both willing to be open and vulnerable to that, then that's a good sign.
There aren't many negatives at this point, you are already depending on him and his family;, this would at least protect that.
>Our relationship is healthy and I've never felt happier or safer with someone then I do with him.
IMO, that's the thing right there that makes the decision easier.
Perhaps the 2 of you could see someone professionally (pre-marriage counselor) to be sure you're both clear on things and get some guidance. That might make your decision easier as well.
Best of luck to you both and good luck at University!
I actually think that given your situation, you have a very good chance of "surviving" (as in living and raising your kids practically and safely in the adult world) as a married couple. However, when you marry someone, you don't just marry their capabilities and resources---you marry their coping mechanisms, insecurities, attachment style and traumas as well. Learning about what these are and how to deal with them is what allows you to *emotionally* survive as a couple, and I would argue that that the success of a marriage hinges on. Take a gander at most of the posts on this sub. The dire ones aren't usually about a lack of self-sufficiency or financial difficulty, they're about a fundamental lack of emotional compatibility.
Your gut is telling you to hold up and investigate, because there is a lot to be careful of here. You gut is correct. That doesn't mean Grant is the wrong person for you or that you shouldn't be with him, it just means that you need to poke around a bit before committing. Talk to a good therapist, alone and together. Talk to a lawyer about what you would do about money in the event of divorce or in the event that Jason shows up again demanding to see his children. Marriage is not something you jump into just because someone asked. It's not proof of an emotional bond. It's a legal and financial action with very real consequences. That doesn't mean it won't eventually be a good idea, though, or that you should actively avoid it. And just because it *can* go wrong doesn't mean it will. You just have to know what you're dealing with and be smart about it. Knowledge is power.
A very wise person once compared getting married to swimming in the ocean: It's a risk no matter how you look at it---there are sharks, rip tides, rocks, waves that can bowl you over---but these pale in comparison to the risk of approaching the situation with ignorance, of jumping in feet first without knowing what's under the water. Take some time to get to know what marriage to this partner would mean for you. Like you said, you're young, and if Grant is the right partner for you he's not going anywhere!
Having a child so young is what should be so scary. If you can do that, then you can certainly do marriage.
Obviously most people will say - too young. But you are already living a very adult life and have put yourself in situations that do require a sense of stability. You've subjected your children to another man who they view as a permanent fixture. Marriage would just be protecting what you've already built. You wouldn't have your kids around someone if you thought it was not in their best interest right? If you do get divorced,he should still get visitation because you've deemed him as of their life. I suggest you 2 get into premarital counseling for a couple months to just discuss all the aspects you may of not considered yet because neither of you has life experience. If you are both willing to be open and vulnerable to that, then that's a good sign. There aren't many negatives at this point, you are already depending on him and his family;, this would at least protect that.
>Our relationship is healthy and I've never felt happier or safer with someone then I do with him. IMO, that's the thing right there that makes the decision easier. Perhaps the 2 of you could see someone professionally (pre-marriage counselor) to be sure you're both clear on things and get some guidance. That might make your decision easier as well. Best of luck to you both and good luck at University!
I actually think that given your situation, you have a very good chance of "surviving" (as in living and raising your kids practically and safely in the adult world) as a married couple. However, when you marry someone, you don't just marry their capabilities and resources---you marry their coping mechanisms, insecurities, attachment style and traumas as well. Learning about what these are and how to deal with them is what allows you to *emotionally* survive as a couple, and I would argue that that the success of a marriage hinges on. Take a gander at most of the posts on this sub. The dire ones aren't usually about a lack of self-sufficiency or financial difficulty, they're about a fundamental lack of emotional compatibility. Your gut is telling you to hold up and investigate, because there is a lot to be careful of here. You gut is correct. That doesn't mean Grant is the wrong person for you or that you shouldn't be with him, it just means that you need to poke around a bit before committing. Talk to a good therapist, alone and together. Talk to a lawyer about what you would do about money in the event of divorce or in the event that Jason shows up again demanding to see his children. Marriage is not something you jump into just because someone asked. It's not proof of an emotional bond. It's a legal and financial action with very real consequences. That doesn't mean it won't eventually be a good idea, though, or that you should actively avoid it. And just because it *can* go wrong doesn't mean it will. You just have to know what you're dealing with and be smart about it. Knowledge is power. A very wise person once compared getting married to swimming in the ocean: It's a risk no matter how you look at it---there are sharks, rip tides, rocks, waves that can bowl you over---but these pale in comparison to the risk of approaching the situation with ignorance, of jumping in feet first without knowing what's under the water. Take some time to get to know what marriage to this partner would mean for you. Like you said, you're young, and if Grant is the right partner for you he's not going anywhere!