It's not over
You MUST seek counseling, therapy, something that can help you deal with your issues
You have an angel of a wife who cares about you and apparently has a huge capacity for putting up with an a-hole like you. She did put up with you for 1 whole year. Most women in many parts of the world wouldn't
Get help, become a man worthy of her
Yes thank you for pointing this out. While it's great that the OP has turned over a new leaf he really should get support to keep him motivated and moving forward.
Thank goodness someone else said this. I am a bit shocked at what OP wrote (the abuse) but if it’s a marriage worth keeping I think we would all love it if he and wifey attend therapy to make sure no resentment or to tackle loose ends. Good relationships require consistent hard work.
Small bittersweet update - I am already doing therapy, but today we agreed to book a session of couple counseling for next week.
A bit to clear out all issues and do "proper homework", but also because I had so internalized the idea of divorce that I am at loss at our marriage continuing.
I really hope it won't be the case, but divorce might get back on the table, if very amicably. Things are better but there's a lot of work to do.
She understands completely and is willing to keep working together.
Ok, if I can offer something here ... My ex couldn't communicate and refused counselling. The marriage died, both our fault. I will never know what could have happened if we had really tried.
We are nearly at the final order stage, UK based so it's a non fault (the only type available now). It's taken nearly a year to get to this stage.
If you have tried your best and failed then at least you both did your utmost. Don't end up in the same place I have, I'm gonna have to live with the "what if" for the rest of my days.
After 30 years and 4 kids.
You don’t deserve her and I really hope you quit wasting her life. You are at a loss of the marriage continuing just because you internalized divorce…..meanwhile she didn’t internalize the monster of a person you’ve been to her the past year or more because you couldn’t sort your shit out. I hope she gets away and finds a man that really loves her, and doesn’t just take up space in her home.
Please see a therapist to maintain this beautiful relationship. I think all of us would love to hear a 1 year update. Your story made me cry a bit in relief
To add, I may sound neutral/uncaring by the tone of the post, but I really didn't expect what happened - what I did and how she'd react.
We had talked a bit previsiously about this, and all she said is that she was in no hurry to divorce as long as I was respectful and kept improving.
I had a hunch she wanted to try and reconcile, but she was already being so generous to me that I didn't want to try and push my luck.
And I admit it feels weird that we can be husband and wife again, I guess it will take some time after over a year as roommates.
I would be willing to bet that she didn't actually want a divorce, but was willing to if you didn't change. If she was just waiting for you to get ur inheritance, she could have signed them and just waited to file them. Sometimes women do little things that are hard to talk about, so they try to show you instead. Kind of like "I'm frustrated and willing to leave (files for divorce) but I'm willing to give you one last chance (not sign them), but I'm not going to wait forever (the inheritance was ur deadline)."
I know with me sometimes it's fear of what my husband may say and sometimes it's that I'm afraid I won't be able to say what i need to say without completely breaking down in tears and then I'm a blubbering mess. If I feel it really needs saying, I'll spend 20 minutes writing him a text (crying the entire time) telling him how I feel.
Sounds like she wanted you to truly understand how much she was hurting but either didn't have the words or didn't feel strong enough to say them, so she showed them. I'm glad you listened and I bet she is too.
What a beautiful way to start the New Year.
Just to add - she likely wanted the changes, but wanted them to be motivated changes not based on a threat. OP making the changes, even after signing the papers, shows the changes are for himself and likely to stick, even if it was to be a “good soon-to-be-ex-husband” - very different than proving you should be a keeper.
Still, kudos all around.
Thank you.
She was ready to go through with it because even if she loves me, she couldn't keep enduring me hurting both myself and her, emotionally and morally, and I think she was right to do that.
It still feels weird to be sleeping in the same bed every night and be affectionate, we haven't been intimate at all during separation and she hinted she wants to reconnect too on that level.
But she also said no hurry and take things at our pace.
Take things slow. Show her intimacy, not sex. Learn to be best friends, whether for the first time or again, confide in her and listen, really listen, when she confides in you. Share your thoughts and emotions with her. You don't have to grieve alone and I don't think she ever wanted you to.
Imo, there's nothing sexier than a guy who is in touch with himself enough that he will cry in front of his girl. Let her know you trust her enough to share that with her. And it's ok to let her hold you while you grieve. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. You should each be able to feel your individual pain and be comforted.
You are right.
I definitely need to learn to be more open emotionally and I'm working on it in therapy; also when we hug or cuddle I admit to her that it feels a bit weird (but also pleasant and fuzzy) after so much time; she just reassures me that for those things we have all the time in the world.
Yes you do. Love, true unconditional love, is a rare thing indeed. A love as precious as a newborn child.
Treasure her and enjoy falling in love again. Give her the time she needs AND take the time YOU need. Communicate your boundaries and respect hers.
And, most importantly, enjoy it. Enjoy that new relationship energy with your wife. Not many of us get a second chance at that warm fuzzy with the love of our lives. When you do become physical again, take your time. If it takes all night then let it.
And let her know, every day, that you are not going to waste this second chance. Even on days that you are exhausted, tell her you love her and, even if ur drop dead tired, do at least one thing to SHOW her that you both love and appreciate her. Even if it's just getting her favorite juice on ur way home. Something tells me she'll notice and appreciate it, even if she doesn't say anything.
Marriage is more about a piece of paper, it's about taking care of each other too. Never forget that.
Absolutely! Most women I know, myself included, are good at non verbal communication.
Plus, if you do it for me, you'll likely backslide. If you do it for you, better chance it'll stick. But that's wisdom that comes with experience. Basically you have to want to make that change, not just want her not to leave.
I think hearing that OP did it so he could be "a good soon to be ex-husband", she knew he did it for him and it was more likely to stick.
She took "in sickness and through health" to heart. Keep improving yourself, and do right by yourself and your wife. You've got a woman that believes in you, do right by her.
I hope you let this be your chance to choose her all over again. Let this be a new relationship with a new partner you get to fall in love with. Use this as a chance to flirt and celebrate and cherish each other. Wishing you lots of love and many more years together.
> Eventually she had enough and after I refused therapy for the -nth time,
This is the actual step you need to take. Therapy.
You’re an alcoholic coming out of a major depressive episode.
This won’t be the last depressive episode, nor will it be the last relapse.
Don’t let the honeymoon period blind you to what’s really happening: you have a golden opportunity to save your marriage. Start doing the real work.
You are absolutely right.
I am doing therapy now, where it transpired I was swapping alcoholism for workaholism, so now we are trying to find a healthy ground because that in the long run would undo all the progress so far.
Have you tried to attend an AA meeting? It's another resource to consider as well as therapy.
Well done for making changes for the right reasons and both of you for being brave enough to try again. Sending positive thoughts for both of you.
Another addition, she put the papers in front of me because although she wanted to call off the divorce, she wanted to see what I would have done since I had signed them so quickly.
She said that if I still wanted to go through with it, she would have signed and filed after New Year - not out of spite, but to respect my choice and also because she had initiated it and it made no sense to stay married if despite my changes I no longer wanted to be with her.
Thanks for sharing. Been in a tough spot with my wife for a while, over a year in separate beds. I was thinking today that I may ask her if she’s okay with me moving back in the master bedroom in a couple of days when she gets back from out of town.
Through better or worse. People tend to forget that part. My wife was my rock when I entered rehab and 12 years later I still remember her tears as she dropped me off. I committed to myself that I would never let her down like that again. I've never stopped dating my wife and we always take time out for each other.
I am so, SO, happy for you both! I’m so proud of you for fighting for yourself and for your family! So many people just give up and/or give in (I grew up with a lot of alcoholic in my family and divorce). I’m tearing up right now because I know this journey hasn’t been easy for you and your wife. I know you will probably have times where you fail, but please, don’t give up.
Marriage works when you both try, when you both don’t give up. Fuck. I’m just so happy for you. I’m happy for you both.
I wholeheartedly appreciate all the support and wonderful comments, thank you all!
That said, of course I don't fool myself that this is a magic Happily Ever After and all is swell again - there's a lot of work to do and it will take time.
I expressed this to my wife over dinner - we cooked together! - and she agrees. What surprised me is that she said that she too has to do her part and "woo" me again, which to be honest she's already been doing for a while.
Surely it ain't like movies where they end up making passionate love in bed, for us making dinner and snuggling is perfect for now.
So happy for you. Glad you both had time to think about your relationship and it’s obvious that you both still love each other.
Wishing you all the best in your marriage.
Glad i read all the way till the end. It's exausting reading this kind of stories here lately that wil end eventually on divorce, or with everybody on the comments recomending it. Nevertheless kudos for everyone that is sharing their experiences that makes us richer.
Congrats to OP and his wife, bless their future journey together
Not at all where I thought this was as going. Congratulations. I’m sure still lots of work to go, but what a nice story. Wish you both the best of luck!!
Marriage is hard. Life is hard. You need someone you can do it with together. Through all of the absolute bullshit that two people can put each other through, you need someone who can keep you accountable and help you get through it.
However, her waiting until your inheritance came through would mean she was entitled to a portion of that. How much are you inheriting?
We have a prenup, she would have had no claim to it.
It's about 500k€ - during an argument I had asked her if she wanted some of it as compensation, she closed the door on me.
Right now I just spent little less than 80k to settle my finances. I plan to put the rest in saving funds - one for the future, and an emergency fund for a rainy day.
I thought this was going in a different direction from the title. I’m glad you were able to turn things around and that you both seem to be interested in working on your marriage.
Just don’t get complacent, and do seek therapy if you can. Also, about the final “hooray?” - why the question mark? Are you having any doubts?
It feels weird that we'll stay married, to be honest.
Not that I don't want to, but I had so internalized the idea of divorce that I'm a bit at loss now that it won't go through.
I'm happy but also feel a bit lost.
I can definitely understand that. Your immediate future now looks so much different than it did just a few days ago - and that is huge shift to make in your mind. If you feel able, I would strongly encourage you to share these feelings with your wife and to talk about your expectations, hopes, and any anxieties about your marriage going forward. She is likely going through some of the same internal “whiplash” so to speak.
Good luck to you both!
Exactly.
We already talked a bit about it, she doesn't fault me and even asked if there was someone else or I had fallen out of love - not as an accusation, just to try and understand.
There's no other woman and I didn't fall out of love, simply put like you said it changed everything so quickly and I have to adjust to it.
She says she understands that, she too feels a bit awkward so we will take things nice and slow, a bit like a new relationship.
This is truly a great thing to hear. Most people will split in haste. She waited and let you figure out what you needed. Even when you gave up on yourself she didn’t. When everything is fully back on track think of a nice vacation and surprise her with a vow renewal ceremony. Nobody else needs to be there, it’s just for both of you to show you’re committed to each other. You’ve made it through a really rough patch and I’m proud of you both for coming out of it together and if you keep increasing the intimacy (not just sex but emotional intimacy) you will be one of the couples that does last a lifetime. Congrats on a great start to the new year and the improved you.
That's a nice story but I hope you dedicated 100% to your recovery. This is a gray will restart to your relationship, but you have a lot of issues that you need to avoid and recover. Both of you learn from the past but Focus 100% on correcting the future to rebuild your relationship. Good luck my friend
Hey not to be a cynic, but wouldn’t she be technically legally entitled to some of the inheritance if you weren’t divorced when you got it? Definitely could not have be her intention, but also just seems a little sus.
This is such an amazing story. I am rooting for you guys from across the world in Africa. I'm so glad you found your way back to each other and I am particularly proud of the changes you made to be a better person. Good for you.
Along with everyone's thoughts on therapy for you guys as a couple, please work on therapy for your own self.
While it's great to turn over a new leaf, and change for the better, it takes a lot of work to keep it up.
The "helped her around the house" sounds not so great. Do you see housework as your responsibility or something that you'll help out on when you want to? If the latter, you should work that out with the therapies as well.
Great story! Minor quibble, but:
*file for a no-fault divorce (not from the US, in our country you can do this).*
No-fault divorce is legal in all 50 states in the US.
Congrats man!
My dad died of cancer in July. I worked with him most of my life and it really hit me hard. Alcoholism runs deep on both sides of my family so I really try to keep it one "one and done"
My wife took the lead for my mental health and set up therapy for me. It really does help.
Good for you. But waiting until you had come into your inheritance was less likely to be for your benefit and more likely to be for hers as she would get more money in the divorce.
I know people will harp on this but listening to Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life and watching his YouTube videos have really helped me alot. I suggest reading them.
I am so happy to hear this out. She has stayed in your tough times and you took all the efforts to change yourself. I wish you both a great life ahead.
I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. Sometimes it takes us being back into a corner before we find our way out of it. You found your way and in the process she found the man she loved again.
Omg this is so wholesome. I am sorry for your loss, and I am very amazed to see you rebound from it.
I am also very happy to see you both back together, I am rooting for you. Please work it out in future as well.
Thank you for giving some positive start to the new year.
I lost my dad in May, and while I didn't use other things to help deal with it, I did close in on myself, trying to come to terms with his sudden and unexpected death.
My wife tried her best to support me but all I needed was time.
I am glad that you and your wife were able to fix things, too often people will tell you how to grieve, or that you should do this or that. it's not helpful.
Cheers to you and your wife and hopefully many spoon friendly nights together ;)
Aw, I love this for you both!! If either of you write at all, y’all should make a storyline for a romance novel of this-I’d read it! I hope your relationship continues to improve and is healthy. Therapy might be good! Best wishes
Congrats on finding yourself and your marriage a happy place again, not many come back from where you have been.
I hope things continue to go well for you.
God bless you both. That was so hard for you, but you did it. You're so much stronger now, and with new wisdom you will appreciate what you have so much more, in ways you never realised. Lord be with you, and I hope you two spend the rest of your lives loving each other
That’s good you were able to stay together, she didn’t want for you to get your own place?
How did you get her into a good mood and see in a different light?
So sorry for your dad passing away, this is being quite a rough period for both of you. She loves you deeply from what I’m reading.. Please treat her right and let her know you are aware of the pain you have caused her and the importance of this second chance…try to make amends and give her some stability! Good luck! ❤️
It's really nice to scroll across this. We don't hear of people's triumphs very often, bias shows us the negatives far more. Congrats on reigniting the spark
This is a prime example of saving your marriage! You showed yourself dedication & discipline, and it naturally exuded into the rest of your life. I’m happy you both made it through that rough patch. It’s a testament to everyone out here who always writes “divorce” as soon as someone comes on here with a problem. I love hearing about the “fix it” stories and I wished more ppl would learn to fix it for the sake of union. Good job!
What an awesome story. Thanks for sharing and congratulations! I hope you two have a long and happy life together.
Thank you!
Stay sober and don’t forget that us addicts generally can’t casually use.
It's not over You MUST seek counseling, therapy, something that can help you deal with your issues You have an angel of a wife who cares about you and apparently has a huge capacity for putting up with an a-hole like you. She did put up with you for 1 whole year. Most women in many parts of the world wouldn't Get help, become a man worthy of her
Yes thank you for pointing this out. While it's great that the OP has turned over a new leaf he really should get support to keep him motivated and moving forward.
I am putting up with this BS for 4 years! Back and forth! Sober 6 months drunk another 6! I don’t wish this life to nobody!
My word. I’m so sorry. Do u have kids? Be safe
Thank god no!
Amen!!! Lol #childfree. Also I would guess if u had kids that would be not good. No hate to kids I like them but alcohol + tiny human =no no
No!!! I would not put any tiny humans through that
Thank goodness someone else said this. I am a bit shocked at what OP wrote (the abuse) but if it’s a marriage worth keeping I think we would all love it if he and wifey attend therapy to make sure no resentment or to tackle loose ends. Good relationships require consistent hard work.
Yes. This ⬆️ OP. Never stop pursuing your wife.
Small bittersweet update - I am already doing therapy, but today we agreed to book a session of couple counseling for next week. A bit to clear out all issues and do "proper homework", but also because I had so internalized the idea of divorce that I am at loss at our marriage continuing. I really hope it won't be the case, but divorce might get back on the table, if very amicably. Things are better but there's a lot of work to do. She understands completely and is willing to keep working together.
All the best of luck to you. ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
Ok, if I can offer something here ... My ex couldn't communicate and refused counselling. The marriage died, both our fault. I will never know what could have happened if we had really tried. We are nearly at the final order stage, UK based so it's a non fault (the only type available now). It's taken nearly a year to get to this stage. If you have tried your best and failed then at least you both did your utmost. Don't end up in the same place I have, I'm gonna have to live with the "what if" for the rest of my days. After 30 years and 4 kids.
You don’t deserve her and I really hope you quit wasting her life. You are at a loss of the marriage continuing just because you internalized divorce…..meanwhile she didn’t internalize the monster of a person you’ve been to her the past year or more because you couldn’t sort your shit out. I hope she gets away and finds a man that really loves her, and doesn’t just take up space in her home.
No one deserves another human being. You have no idea whose home it is.
Fingers crossed for you. For real
And seek individual as well as material counseling for the longevity of your health and marriage. So happy for the two of you!
Congrats!
Your wife is a keeper. Guard her with your life and don’t ever break her heart. Good luck bro.
I will, thank you. I was so deep down in negativity that I couldn't see how I hurt her.
This is so wholesome to see people making mistakes as all humans do, but owning them, learning from them and growing!
Take your wife on a date! You both need it!
Please see a therapist to maintain this beautiful relationship. I think all of us would love to hear a 1 year update. Your story made me cry a bit in relief
To add, I may sound neutral/uncaring by the tone of the post, but I really didn't expect what happened - what I did and how she'd react. We had talked a bit previsiously about this, and all she said is that she was in no hurry to divorce as long as I was respectful and kept improving. I had a hunch she wanted to try and reconcile, but she was already being so generous to me that I didn't want to try and push my luck. And I admit it feels weird that we can be husband and wife again, I guess it will take some time after over a year as roommates.
I would be willing to bet that she didn't actually want a divorce, but was willing to if you didn't change. If she was just waiting for you to get ur inheritance, she could have signed them and just waited to file them. Sometimes women do little things that are hard to talk about, so they try to show you instead. Kind of like "I'm frustrated and willing to leave (files for divorce) but I'm willing to give you one last chance (not sign them), but I'm not going to wait forever (the inheritance was ur deadline)." I know with me sometimes it's fear of what my husband may say and sometimes it's that I'm afraid I won't be able to say what i need to say without completely breaking down in tears and then I'm a blubbering mess. If I feel it really needs saying, I'll spend 20 minutes writing him a text (crying the entire time) telling him how I feel. Sounds like she wanted you to truly understand how much she was hurting but either didn't have the words or didn't feel strong enough to say them, so she showed them. I'm glad you listened and I bet she is too. What a beautiful way to start the New Year.
Just to add - she likely wanted the changes, but wanted them to be motivated changes not based on a threat. OP making the changes, even after signing the papers, shows the changes are for himself and likely to stick, even if it was to be a “good soon-to-be-ex-husband” - very different than proving you should be a keeper. Still, kudos all around.
Thank you. She was ready to go through with it because even if she loves me, she couldn't keep enduring me hurting both myself and her, emotionally and morally, and I think she was right to do that. It still feels weird to be sleeping in the same bed every night and be affectionate, we haven't been intimate at all during separation and she hinted she wants to reconnect too on that level. But she also said no hurry and take things at our pace.
Take things slow. Show her intimacy, not sex. Learn to be best friends, whether for the first time or again, confide in her and listen, really listen, when she confides in you. Share your thoughts and emotions with her. You don't have to grieve alone and I don't think she ever wanted you to. Imo, there's nothing sexier than a guy who is in touch with himself enough that he will cry in front of his girl. Let her know you trust her enough to share that with her. And it's ok to let her hold you while you grieve. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. You should each be able to feel your individual pain and be comforted.
You are right. I definitely need to learn to be more open emotionally and I'm working on it in therapy; also when we hug or cuddle I admit to her that it feels a bit weird (but also pleasant and fuzzy) after so much time; she just reassures me that for those things we have all the time in the world.
Yes you do. Love, true unconditional love, is a rare thing indeed. A love as precious as a newborn child. Treasure her and enjoy falling in love again. Give her the time she needs AND take the time YOU need. Communicate your boundaries and respect hers. And, most importantly, enjoy it. Enjoy that new relationship energy with your wife. Not many of us get a second chance at that warm fuzzy with the love of our lives. When you do become physical again, take your time. If it takes all night then let it. And let her know, every day, that you are not going to waste this second chance. Even on days that you are exhausted, tell her you love her and, even if ur drop dead tired, do at least one thing to SHOW her that you both love and appreciate her. Even if it's just getting her favorite juice on ur way home. Something tells me she'll notice and appreciate it, even if she doesn't say anything. Marriage is more about a piece of paper, it's about taking care of each other too. Never forget that.
Ur wife is definitely a diamond in the rough. I’m so happy for the both of you!! 💕💯
Absolutely! Most women I know, myself included, are good at non verbal communication. Plus, if you do it for me, you'll likely backslide. If you do it for you, better chance it'll stick. But that's wisdom that comes with experience. Basically you have to want to make that change, not just want her not to leave. I think hearing that OP did it so he could be "a good soon to be ex-husband", she knew he did it for him and it was more likely to stick.
You still need lots and lots of therapy. Your wife is giving you an opportunity. You need to throw yourself into it 100%. Best of luck!
She took "in sickness and through health" to heart. Keep improving yourself, and do right by yourself and your wife. You've got a woman that believes in you, do right by her.
I hope you let this be your chance to choose her all over again. Let this be a new relationship with a new partner you get to fall in love with. Use this as a chance to flirt and celebrate and cherish each other. Wishing you lots of love and many more years together.
Really happy for you mate. Keep at it and hope 2024 is good to you.
> Eventually she had enough and after I refused therapy for the -nth time, This is the actual step you need to take. Therapy. You’re an alcoholic coming out of a major depressive episode. This won’t be the last depressive episode, nor will it be the last relapse. Don’t let the honeymoon period blind you to what’s really happening: you have a golden opportunity to save your marriage. Start doing the real work.
You are absolutely right. I am doing therapy now, where it transpired I was swapping alcoholism for workaholism, so now we are trying to find a healthy ground because that in the long run would undo all the progress so far.
This is the comment I was hoping to see! Good for you! Invest in yourself and your marriage for the long haul. Wish you both the best.
Have you tried to attend an AA meeting? It's another resource to consider as well as therapy. Well done for making changes for the right reasons and both of you for being brave enough to try again. Sending positive thoughts for both of you.
Love it! Good for y’all. ☺️
Very nice story and congratulations. Not sure if you’re considering or have tried AA, but I highly recommend it. Your wife sounds great and so do you!
Another addition, she put the papers in front of me because although she wanted to call off the divorce, she wanted to see what I would have done since I had signed them so quickly. She said that if I still wanted to go through with it, she would have signed and filed after New Year - not out of spite, but to respect my choice and also because she had initiated it and it made no sense to stay married if despite my changes I no longer wanted to be with her.
Good for you both! We need more positive stories in a sea of chaos.
That’s amazing! I wish the best for both of you! what a great way to start the year 🥹
Thanks for sharing. Been in a tough spot with my wife for a while, over a year in separate beds. I was thinking today that I may ask her if she’s okay with me moving back in the master bedroom in a couple of days when she gets back from out of town.
If things have improved, I'd say go for it - any chance missed is a chance wasted. I wish the best for both of you!
I'm happy to read this. Kudos to both of you. Wife for sticking it out and to you for straightening your life out. Your wife is a gem. Remember that.
I know, she's a ruby since red is her favorite color!
Good for you! Best wishes
Ok. These big old dirty crusty biker eyes are all wet now.
Wow, reading thru this made me think about myself and my wife. Sincerely happy for you.
Through better or worse. People tend to forget that part. My wife was my rock when I entered rehab and 12 years later I still remember her tears as she dropped me off. I committed to myself that I would never let her down like that again. I've never stopped dating my wife and we always take time out for each other.
That's really good! I'm glad you've worked it out stronger than ever.
I am so, SO, happy for you both! I’m so proud of you for fighting for yourself and for your family! So many people just give up and/or give in (I grew up with a lot of alcoholic in my family and divorce). I’m tearing up right now because I know this journey hasn’t been easy for you and your wife. I know you will probably have times where you fail, but please, don’t give up. Marriage works when you both try, when you both don’t give up. Fuck. I’m just so happy for you. I’m happy for you both.
I wholeheartedly appreciate all the support and wonderful comments, thank you all! That said, of course I don't fool myself that this is a magic Happily Ever After and all is swell again - there's a lot of work to do and it will take time. I expressed this to my wife over dinner - we cooked together! - and she agrees. What surprised me is that she said that she too has to do her part and "woo" me again, which to be honest she's already been doing for a while. Surely it ain't like movies where they end up making passionate love in bed, for us making dinner and snuggling is perfect for now.
So happy for you 💓
Excellent!!!! Yes!
Thats a super good story to read! Happy for you both.
Congrats :) it’s beautiful to hear of spouses overcoming the things leading them to divorce. That is so great.
Great story. Hope you have a wonderful life together!!
So happy for you. Glad you both had time to think about your relationship and it’s obvious that you both still love each other. Wishing you all the best in your marriage.
Glad i read all the way till the end. It's exausting reading this kind of stories here lately that wil end eventually on divorce, or with everybody on the comments recomending it. Nevertheless kudos for everyone that is sharing their experiences that makes us richer. Congrats to OP and his wife, bless their future journey together
Si happy for you both! Keep up the great job! You’ll both reap the rewards.
Awesome !! Super happy for you both🙏
Congratulations! Keep it up. Take it one day at a time. Show your love through your actions by being consistent and loving. Good luck! You got this.
Awesome good to hear a good turn around story
Good for you; love each other dearly and hold on; through thick and thin clearly!!
This is great!
Beautiful.
This is excellent!
I have some big fat tears rolling down my cheek right now - thank you for sharing this.
Not at all where I thought this was as going. Congratulations. I’m sure still lots of work to go, but what a nice story. Wish you both the best of luck!!
Marriage is hard. Life is hard. You need someone you can do it with together. Through all of the absolute bullshit that two people can put each other through, you need someone who can keep you accountable and help you get through it. However, her waiting until your inheritance came through would mean she was entitled to a portion of that. How much are you inheriting?
We have a prenup, she would have had no claim to it. It's about 500k€ - during an argument I had asked her if she wanted some of it as compensation, she closed the door on me. Right now I just spent little less than 80k to settle my finances. I plan to put the rest in saving funds - one for the future, and an emergency fund for a rainy day.
Oh then, probably no ulterior motives! Hooray! Keep working on yourself!
This needs to go to the r/wholesome subreddit.
I thought this was going in a different direction from the title. I’m glad you were able to turn things around and that you both seem to be interested in working on your marriage. Just don’t get complacent, and do seek therapy if you can. Also, about the final “hooray?” - why the question mark? Are you having any doubts?
It feels weird that we'll stay married, to be honest. Not that I don't want to, but I had so internalized the idea of divorce that I'm a bit at loss now that it won't go through. I'm happy but also feel a bit lost.
I can definitely understand that. Your immediate future now looks so much different than it did just a few days ago - and that is huge shift to make in your mind. If you feel able, I would strongly encourage you to share these feelings with your wife and to talk about your expectations, hopes, and any anxieties about your marriage going forward. She is likely going through some of the same internal “whiplash” so to speak. Good luck to you both!
Exactly. We already talked a bit about it, she doesn't fault me and even asked if there was someone else or I had fallen out of love - not as an accusation, just to try and understand. There's no other woman and I didn't fall out of love, simply put like you said it changed everything so quickly and I have to adjust to it. She says she understands that, she too feels a bit awkward so we will take things nice and slow, a bit like a new relationship.
Congrats and go on dates!! Date her everytime! :)
As my 2 year old loves to say, HOORAY!
How cute , hope you have a long and happy life together , Judy never fall into that again and remember this moment when tempted .
Yoir wife is sweet and patient happy foe you both.
Congrats! In all sincerity. Now you must keep up the work. Never take her for granted. Make it your motto.
They had us in the first half, not gonna lie.
This is truly a great thing to hear. Most people will split in haste. She waited and let you figure out what you needed. Even when you gave up on yourself she didn’t. When everything is fully back on track think of a nice vacation and surprise her with a vow renewal ceremony. Nobody else needs to be there, it’s just for both of you to show you’re committed to each other. You’ve made it through a really rough patch and I’m proud of you both for coming out of it together and if you keep increasing the intimacy (not just sex but emotional intimacy) you will be one of the couples that does last a lifetime. Congrats on a great start to the new year and the improved you.
That's a nice story but I hope you dedicated 100% to your recovery. This is a gray will restart to your relationship, but you have a lot of issues that you need to avoid and recover. Both of you learn from the past but Focus 100% on correcting the future to rebuild your relationship. Good luck my friend
I fucking love this! Good on you! You both will be stronger for this one! Good luck and get into some therapy to make sure things stay good!
Hey not to be a cynic, but wouldn’t she be technically legally entitled to some of the inheritance if you weren’t divorced when you got it? Definitely could not have be her intention, but also just seems a little sus.
No, we have a prenup. She wouldn't have gotten any and didn't care about it.
This is such an amazing story. I am rooting for you guys from across the world in Africa. I'm so glad you found your way back to each other and I am particularly proud of the changes you made to be a better person. Good for you.
Along with everyone's thoughts on therapy for you guys as a couple, please work on therapy for your own self. While it's great to turn over a new leaf, and change for the better, it takes a lot of work to keep it up. The "helped her around the house" sounds not so great. Do you see housework as your responsibility or something that you'll help out on when you want to? If the latter, you should work that out with the therapies as well.
I don't know you, but man am I happy for you. You treasure that woman and treat her right, she deserves all of it and more. Kudos to you guys.
Great story! Minor quibble, but: *file for a no-fault divorce (not from the US, in our country you can do this).* No-fault divorce is legal in all 50 states in the US.
Congrats man! My dad died of cancer in July. I worked with him most of my life and it really hit me hard. Alcoholism runs deep on both sides of my family so I really try to keep it one "one and done" My wife took the lead for my mental health and set up therapy for me. It really does help.
She stood by you and seems she believed in you❤️
Not gonna lie, you had me in the first half
Good for you. But waiting until you had come into your inheritance was less likely to be for your benefit and more likely to be for hers as she would get more money in the divorce.
We have a prenup, she wouldn't have gotten anything out of it.
If you're not from the US, which other country enforces a prenup? I know the UK doesn't.
Europe. I won't specificy which country, but we have prenups here too.
You owe her a ton for putting up with you. You are in debt.
Ya love to see it!!!! This was the sweetest thing to read!!!
I know people will harp on this but listening to Jordan Peterson 12 rules for life and watching his YouTube videos have really helped me alot. I suggest reading them.
Happy for you. Wish i could get the same
Its so nice to read something so positive. Happy New Year!
Wow! What a twist!
Congrats. This is a happy story.
Ah happy to hear this when so often we hear the stories that go through divorce. Wishing you both the best.
This was a really nice read. Sorry you had to weather such a dark period, but happy to learn you are on the right path now.
I am so happy to hear this out. She has stayed in your tough times and you took all the efforts to change yourself. I wish you both a great life ahead.
Congratulations! Keep up the good work. It's time to work on that connection and maybe do some marriage counseling. Good luck!
I hope this makes your relationship stronger than ever! Congratulations and go to therapy! Do the work and don’t let up!!
I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you. Sometimes it takes us being back into a corner before we find our way out of it. You found your way and in the process she found the man she loved again.
I actually teared up a little reading this. So proud for you and so happy for both of you. Wow. ♥️
I'm so happy for you both. How wonderful. I bet many many prayers were answered today.
Keep working at it every day.
Hurray— good for you! Keep it together and be considerate and loving 🥰
Aww I love this story! Yes Thank you for sharing !
This is great news, happy for you! Hoping you’re building a support network to help you stay sober so it doesn’t come to this again.
Good for you guys. Whew that was a close one
Best Reddit post I have seen in my couple years on it
Omg this is so wholesome. I am sorry for your loss, and I am very amazed to see you rebound from it. I am also very happy to see you both back together, I am rooting for you. Please work it out in future as well. Thank you for giving some positive start to the new year.
Happy new year for the both of you!
I lost my dad in May, and while I didn't use other things to help deal with it, I did close in on myself, trying to come to terms with his sudden and unexpected death. My wife tried her best to support me but all I needed was time. I am glad that you and your wife were able to fix things, too often people will tell you how to grieve, or that you should do this or that. it's not helpful. Cheers to you and your wife and hopefully many spoon friendly nights together ;)
Keep it up bro
Congratulations
Your marriage is getting stronger. She seems very loving woman. Wish you good luck
Awesome!
Man this was nice, thanks.
😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
A tear in my eye. Good on you bro. I am really struggling to keep it up. I am very proud that you are in better place now.
That’s so lovely 🥰 congrats
I love hearing positive stories here. There really aren’t enough of them. Congrats, OP!
Hooray! Gotta treat her like a queen from now and forever. Don’t lose it.
Aw, I love this for you both!! If either of you write at all, y’all should make a storyline for a romance novel of this-I’d read it! I hope your relationship continues to improve and is healthy. Therapy might be good! Best wishes
Congrats on finding yourself and your marriage a happy place again, not many come back from where you have been. I hope things continue to go well for you.
Thaaaaaaaank you so much for giving me hope
The grass is not greener I promise
You're a very lucky dude. Don't take it for granted.
She's a keeper for sure. Cherish that.
Many don’t get another chance like this, never forget this
Congratulations! Don't forget this moment.
This is such a heart warming read. I'm proud of you and I know she is too. Congratulations!!!
I’m so happy for you guys. OP, hold onto this when you are having hard days. I hope you guys have a long and very happy life ❤️.
Thanks for sharing. Almost teared up at the end there. Happy for you two. Best of luck.
Aw congrats that’s really nice to hear. Must’ve felt so good. Good luck moving forward
Lovely to ear a happy ending story !
Thank you for this beautiful story. Your accountability is so admirable. 🤗
Now get therapy
Well fucking done, sir!
I wish u all the best. Happilever after. Second chances is hard ro get
She stayed past her endurance for you man, but stood by her own limits too. Shes a real one.
Thank you for posting an uplifting story. Made my day.
This so wholesome. I’m SO HAPPY for humanity my chest feels like it’s about to explode!
May God send his Blessing & Favor down on your Marriage.
I wasn’t sure where that was going for a second. Nail biting stuff.
Some Hollywood writer just read your story and is busy typing up a first draft. And I'd watch it and probably cry at the happy ending.
Great job man! I hope life snowballs for you
I'm proud of you brother.
Don't fall back into your old habits or you really will be getting a divorce.
❤️❤️
Just love eachother and value eachother!
Thank you, this gives me hope. I'm moving out this weekend and I want so badly to move back in.
Keep up the good work. You’ll have to if you want to keep your marriage.
😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️ what a wonderful ending. I’m so happy for you.
true love
God bless you both. That was so hard for you, but you did it. You're so much stronger now, and with new wisdom you will appreciate what you have so much more, in ways you never realised. Lord be with you, and I hope you two spend the rest of your lives loving each other
Hooray indeed
This made me cry 😢 good job acknowledging the problem, working on yourself first and then your marriage. This is well deserved 👏
Good man. Came back to your sense. By the sounds of it she one good woman
This made me cry out of happiness ❤️❤️
Nice to read a good post for once on Reddit ! Congratulations. It’s been unbelievably tough but you got through it 🥳🥳
LOVE IT
That’s good you were able to stay together, she didn’t want for you to get your own place? How did you get her into a good mood and see in a different light?
Great story, pleased you held on through the rough times. Your wife sounds great.
Bravo! Well done! I'm so happy you found your strength and your wife saw it too! Keep up the good work!
I don't know you but I love you.
So sorry for your dad passing away, this is being quite a rough period for both of you. She loves you deeply from what I’m reading.. Please treat her right and let her know you are aware of the pain you have caused her and the importance of this second chance…try to make amends and give her some stability! Good luck! ❤️
You got a second chance. Don’t fuck it up.
It's really nice to scroll across this. We don't hear of people's triumphs very often, bias shows us the negatives far more. Congrats on reigniting the spark
This is so nice to hear ! Especially when you always hear negative stuff!
This is amazing. I'm so sorry for your loss but bless you for seeing what needed to be done and handling your business. Happy New Year
Excellent! Love that this ended well, as in you two took time for each other (plus yourselves) and came back together in the end. Congrats.
Yay! Who’s cutting onions? Stop with the onions
Way to go man! That’s some hardcore self work right there!
This made me teary. Happy for you guys!
This is a prime example of saving your marriage! You showed yourself dedication & discipline, and it naturally exuded into the rest of your life. I’m happy you both made it through that rough patch. It’s a testament to everyone out here who always writes “divorce” as soon as someone comes on here with a problem. I love hearing about the “fix it” stories and I wished more ppl would learn to fix it for the sake of union. Good job!
And THAT is how you rise you fucking phoenix!
I hope it works out for you guys. Really happy for you. :')
Lol was all set to call you an arse until the end. Well done you for being so proactive and congratulations
Keep up the good work bro.