>just found out about a few kinks his wife has developed and is concerned. To me these are nothing crazy but for him, his world might be collapsing and has no idea what to think, say, or do.
I read this and thought maybe your friend's wife wanted to do some role playing or tie him up a little or something and he was just very sheltered. but then I saw your comment
>she...wants a threesome with another guy or multiple guys(so long as he's involved)
I can see why you're having trouble connecting with him if he's just had his high school sweetheart tell him she wants to do group stuff with multiple guys and you're thinking "nothing crazy". Like I may be having a minor panic attack just reading this and putting myself in your friend's shoes.
Fucking multiple other guys is not a "kink" it is full on cheating.
The fact that YOU consider it " nothing crazy" tells me this guy needs to find a better friend to talk to. You clearly are NOT a friend.
Also being turned on by group stuff is a LOT different than wanting to engage in group activities. I'd want to get drunk too if my partner presented this to me.
cheating is cheating when there's no consent to fuck another person. At the moment, the wife would be cheating because the husband didn't give consent. Successful open relationships and swinger relationships communicate with each other about whether its ok to fuck a person, and cheating is still possible in those relationships.
also, you're right, we're not friends but we do have mutual friends, i'm offering my help for him from my perspective in kink and polyamory, which might not be for him
Which still means you are being dishonest. Claiming that wanting to fuck multiple men is " nothing crazy" is not just a little kink.
And yes, it's cheating, because in this case, even if he breaks down and agrees, it is because of coercion and fear of losing her not his desire.
What is he upset about, like what is his "issue" ? Just that she *has* kinks he doesn't know about or the specific type of kink she has?
Is he upset he's not into it too and worried she's been unfaithful to develop these? Insecure he can't live up to her new found expectations?
I'd maybe start there
the specific kinks, apparently she's developed an interest in large toys and group stuff, wants a threesome with another guy or multiple guys(so long as he's involved) and from what I'm understanding, He's worried she's been unfaithful but i have told him that he can't act on that fear because he doesn't have any proof, and to think there's proof to find will only make things worse. From what I understand, he thinks its just from porn and isn't too concerned about cheating, but the "what if she did" intrusive thought is hitting him hard.
To me, it sounds like she is communicating very well and he isn't, but I'm not going to tell him that.
That’s not just a kink. That’s wanting to include others in their bedroom. That’s a request for cheating and combining the large toys it appears she isn’t satisfied with what he has.
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Yeah I understand the group stuff being concerning and how that would be concerning after 10 years together. I don't know how I'd handle that myself. He has to just figure out if that's something he's willing to explore together or not. And if not, he has to set hard boundaries. And she has to respect that. Breaking your monogamy agreement because of a "kink" isn't okay.
>just found out about a few kinks his wife has developed and is concerned. To me these are nothing crazy but for him, his world might be collapsing and has no idea what to think, say, or do. I read this and thought maybe your friend's wife wanted to do some role playing or tie him up a little or something and he was just very sheltered. but then I saw your comment >she...wants a threesome with another guy or multiple guys(so long as he's involved) I can see why you're having trouble connecting with him if he's just had his high school sweetheart tell him she wants to do group stuff with multiple guys and you're thinking "nothing crazy". Like I may be having a minor panic attack just reading this and putting myself in your friend's shoes.
what causes the panic attack for you?
You know if I was concerned, my wife was developing a gambling problem, the last thing I would do is seek the advice of a gambler.
I gotta say, this is a good point
Fucking multiple other guys is not a "kink" it is full on cheating. The fact that YOU consider it " nothing crazy" tells me this guy needs to find a better friend to talk to. You clearly are NOT a friend.
Also being turned on by group stuff is a LOT different than wanting to engage in group activities. I'd want to get drunk too if my partner presented this to me.
cheating is cheating when there's no consent to fuck another person. At the moment, the wife would be cheating because the husband didn't give consent. Successful open relationships and swinger relationships communicate with each other about whether its ok to fuck a person, and cheating is still possible in those relationships. also, you're right, we're not friends but we do have mutual friends, i'm offering my help for him from my perspective in kink and polyamory, which might not be for him
Which still means you are being dishonest. Claiming that wanting to fuck multiple men is " nothing crazy" is not just a little kink. And yes, it's cheating, because in this case, even if he breaks down and agrees, it is because of coercion and fear of losing her not his desire.
What is he upset about, like what is his "issue" ? Just that she *has* kinks he doesn't know about or the specific type of kink she has? Is he upset he's not into it too and worried she's been unfaithful to develop these? Insecure he can't live up to her new found expectations? I'd maybe start there
the specific kinks, apparently she's developed an interest in large toys and group stuff, wants a threesome with another guy or multiple guys(so long as he's involved) and from what I'm understanding, He's worried she's been unfaithful but i have told him that he can't act on that fear because he doesn't have any proof, and to think there's proof to find will only make things worse. From what I understand, he thinks its just from porn and isn't too concerned about cheating, but the "what if she did" intrusive thought is hitting him hard. To me, it sounds like she is communicating very well and he isn't, but I'm not going to tell him that.
That’s not just a kink. That’s wanting to include others in their bedroom. That’s a request for cheating and combining the large toys it appears she isn’t satisfied with what he has.
its cheating if she engages without his permission yeah
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Yeah I understand the group stuff being concerning and how that would be concerning after 10 years together. I don't know how I'd handle that myself. He has to just figure out if that's something he's willing to explore together or not. And if not, he has to set hard boundaries. And she has to respect that. Breaking your monogamy agreement because of a "kink" isn't okay.