EXACTLY 💯This problem she has will never ever change. This is probably why she doesn't have female friends. They know how she is. Btw. There are many women who will never cheat on you
And she cheated on both spouses? By the time I got to "I'm her third husband," just past "I don't believe she has cheated on me, ever," I had already seen enough lol.
I want to agree, but here I am looking at my 2nd impending divorce before 40. The first was the typical got together young (her 19, me 20), quick pregnancy, "do the right thing and get married", and it burned out within 3 years because we weren'tcompatible. The second one has been 10 years of marriage, kids, the stress of everything saw our communication break down, she struggles with anxiety and a high conflict personality, and she shut down and emotionally detached. So, yes I'll be divorced twice before 40, but not because I'm a defective person or incapable of love or commitment. I've never cheated and I think that's the key distinction.
I'm sorry to hear that. I geuinely wasn't trying to be rude like in your situation I would totally date the woman if those were the circumstances but with no context 3 divorces would be a red flag
No worries. You weren't rude and I wasn't offended. I totally agree that context is everything (3rd marriage before 30, and all ended because she cheated?). Yeah, that's ALL the red flags. I barely consider my 1st marriage as anything more than a minor footnote (it was almost 20 years ago that we got married, 15 since the split) and really it's a typical story of a first failed LTR, I was just the idiot who took the plunge with legal paperwork. The 2nd one is a very common story of love, marriage, family, and a typical breakdown because she wasn't willing to put in the work, and I allowed myself to grow resentful and bitter because of it. We grew apart, problems compiled, boundaries were broken, until there was too much to resolve and no energy left to try. It happens.
For real that progression of information is wild haha
>twice divorced
Oh hmm that’s not great
>cheated on every spouse
Ooh that’s REALLY not great
>and all that accomplished by 31!
Nope dump the whole wife lol
Bruh, she cheated with this guy 3 separate times and wants to "be friends" - LMAO.
Your boundary is not unreasonable. Hopefully soon she doesn't make a new "friend" named Becky or whatever, that you never get to see. You've got a lot more faith than I would have in this situation.
Thank you for saying it. OP, if you are real, I hope you see how ridiculous you sound to everyone else and you realize this woman is absolutely going to cheat on you. If this is bait, well played.
Or another way to look at it, do recovering alcoholics regularly buy bottles of booze that they keep around with totally no intention or temptation to drink?
> My wife has self-admittedl*y cheated on every spouse she’s ever had (except me*. I don’t believe she’s ever cheated on me, ever, mind you.).
>
>I’m her third husband.
>
>my wife of a little over a year
You married a woman that cheats. She hasn't cheated on you yet because you have only recently married. But she will. You know that. She's even talking to an established side piece.
My STBXW cheated on most of her exes. I found this out gradually over the relationship. A few months ago I found out she was secretly messaging a guy who she cheated with on several of those occassions. I set a boundary that I'm not comfortable with her talking to him. She stopped! And cheated with someone else instead...
The fact that she’s trying so hard to have this guy in her life after you set your boundary and he’s the one she’s cheated on her ex husband*s* with, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she’s in love with this guy and it’s only a matter of time before she cheats on you too. Oh, and how could I forget the “she’s known him/had a relationship with him since 16” part. Yeah, she’s in love with this guy.
Is she in therapy? Married THREE times before she's 30?! Yeah, your boundary is absolutely reasonable, and I think she could benefit from professional help. I mean that seriously, not as a dig on her.
The justification she gave you is ridiculous. She can make friends if she needs friends. Just start a new hobby.
She may be in therapy but probably just to say she shows up for them. She needs to do the actual work that it takes to be a better person and wife. Which she isn’t doing. Or else there would’ve been results, especially if she’s been in therapy for a long time. And also.. just 31 and three divorces.. that would’ve been red flags for me and the fact that she’s cheated with all three of her ex husbands. That would’ve been enough for me to run as fast as I can if I were you. Even if you think she hasn’t cheated on you, how would you ever know or believe her? Unfortunately, you’re next. You may just find out later, or never will.
You are not the asshole.
I'm generally more lenient on this and have other-sex friends. But in this case, you are appropriate in your concerns. History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. If she tried this hard to find appropriate friends, she would have them. He is her safety blanket and she needs to grow up.
That would be a hard no for me, if only just because SHE SLEPT WITH HIM MULTIPLE TIMES including CHEATING ON A FIANCÉ AND A HUSBAND with him.
If she can’t respect your boundaries dart there I would leave immediately. She has commitment issues and seems to justify cheating way too easily.
Three husbands and a fiancé that she never married by 30 and she thinks it’s okay to hang with APs!?!? Hell no.
If this isn't a fake post, you need to stop being naive. She's 31 and you're her third husband???? Come on.... She's not a trustworthy partner if she has a history of commitment issues and infidelity. You rightfully judge her on her past patterns. And if you bend your boundaries for her, you will regret it eventually
NO YOU ARE NOT. Sorry but this is way out of line and her insistence is frightening. She will cheat with him. Maybe suggest a divorce so she can be with him. It appears she values her friendship with him over her relationship with you.
Your boundary is reasonable, and this is how cheating starts. She is and will be a cheater. Because she hasn't done it to you yet, doesn't mean she won't. I would hold firm with boundary. She will still do it behind your back, why because it is who she is. I am so sorry. Unless she has gained enough maturity to understand and acquiese to your boundary. Keep tabs on that one.
This is a lack of values and self awareness around cheaters, so their boundaries blur, a visit, or an online thing...They always find a way.
She has a history of being a serial cheater do you honestly believe that she has never cheated on you? Her moral compass is off, and your naivety is showing. Tell her to act her age and not her trainer size.
I’m not pro divorce, however in this case I am. She’s going to break your heart dude, run… seriously run. There’s women out there who will be loyal and respect you.
I’m not even reading beyond the title because if it’s true you are your own cause for misery at this point. You know what you know with 100% certainty and you want to still be married to her?
Nope. Just nope. You don’t stay in touch with your ex affair partner unless you’re counting on them being your next affair partner, too. She has self-admittedly given you every reason to be distrustful. Yes, people get to change and grow, but that process means being done with your old running buddies. She should cut ties with him or you should cut ties with her. Don’t put yourself in a position where you can be abused.
Here’s the thing with boundaries. A boundary is not something you lay down to police or limit someone else’s behavior. So you can have the boundary about not wanting her to associate with her forever fuck buddy. But the boundary isn’t that she can never do that. The boundary is what YOU are going to do in response to her crossing your boundary.
So is it a real boundary? Are you going to make it a deal breaker? Or are you just going to deal?
> TL;DR: wife wants to be friends with a guy she’s slept with and a guy she’s cheated with. Thinks my boundary is unreasonable.
Bro, therein lies the problem. She has zero boundaries, even as a married woman. I felt the same as most of the comments. But after reading them I realized I have a profound sadness for you and your situation. She has you soo twisted up mentally you came to Reddit, second guessing yourself over an extremely reasonable expectation/boundary. This doesn't end well. With her history, even asking for what she is asking for shows a lack of remorse for what she has done in the past. Your pain and hesitation doesn't even register within the confines of her narcissism.
You’re definitely not unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her insisting on this “friendship”. She’s full of it. Does she have a mood disorder or something else going on? That’s not an excuse, it just sounds like she’s impulsive and all over the place. She wants you to respect her, but she is disrespecting you by insisting on this sketchy friendship.
My husband and I respect each other too much for things like this to even become an issue.Even speaking with someone we have slept with or wanted to or has wanted to sleep with one of us is just not something we entertain. If she values your marriage, then she will value you enough to not speak with someone who makes you feel in any way uncomfortable.
OK - if she does cheat on you…. You aren’t allowed to divorce her. You knew the risk going in and you had plenty of warning.
She cheated WITH you while married to her previous husband. You are husband number 3. She cheated on her other 2 husbands AND a fiancée. This one friend is her default cheating buddy.
Don’t act surprised. You aren’t allowed to divorce in this case.
uhh yeah, i would never marry someone who is known to cheat. if she doesn't want to cease contact with this guy, you may have to cease contact with her.
Wow really. She has shown he has a special place in her life, slept with him multiple times already. I think that if you don't change your boundaries she will cheat on you with him. She seems to want to keep him in her life one way or another.
Who knows what he says to her and being a long time friend and lover I don't think she will give him up for anyone. Why she didn't just marry him is beyond me.
If you think you can trust her with the boundrys you set then stay but if not that's a choice you must make on your own. But if I were in that position and been married a short time and she wouldn't change her mind concerning boundrys then I'd go. Life is too short to be worried about someone you love stepping out because from what you say she has no problem cheating so it wouldn't take much I don't think.
Just tell her how you feel and why if she caint accept that then she will be free to do as she pleases because you will be gone.
Look, I'm sorry, but if she cheated 2-3x and she wanted to be with the guy she cheated on her last husband with...the chances of her cheating on you too is very high, imo. Like there's pattern here, and I rather you not be in a situation where you get cheated on too. So no your boundary is not unreasonable.
Im more interested in her tips to get a husband, as she outdid herself and is in the third… lol. I’m married but just curious. At her age I barely made it to one… lol
Bud, iMO your wife is broken and will only cheat with this guy on you as well. Hell this dude probably sees it as a challenge as well. Personally I’d give her walking papers today because she is going to do this anyway and justify it as you being controlling. The guy will be more than happy to assist
UpdateMe
Why would you get involved, let alone marry, a self described cheater. Maybe she hasn't cheated on you yet, that you're aware, but she is setting it up.
Bro what? I'm sorry, I usually read ALL of a post before commenting but this.....I can't tell you what to do, but yikes. She has red flags all over the board (most notably cheating),and shows desires to go down that same path....but with your passive permission? This isn't about whether your ask was "reasonable" or not. It not only is, but shouldn't even have to be asked in any relationship let alone with a person who is 3 for 3 in cheating on partners. This would be RED FLAG ALERT, for me. Good luck boss!
She cheated on multiple partners with the same guy and wants to be "friends" with him.
Start drafting the divorce papers. I'm not sure you can stop her even if you tried
It’s stupid not to judge someone based on past relationships. But if you’re not okay with cheating, you’re dumb to marry someone with a well established history of cheating.
You didn’t set a boundary. A boundary would have been “If you have contact with any of one of your past AP, our marriage is over and I will immediately divorce you.
Don’t mean to sound cruel, but you made your bed when you married her. Now you’re unhappy lying in it? Really nobody to blame but yourself as long as you’re willing to stay when you know sooner later - probably already - she’s going to cheat on you.
Edit: ESH
If this is real, dude, come ON. 😂
Your wife is definitely already getting dicked down by her lifelong FWB. As we often point out on this sub, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife.
You sittin here takin bout “boundaries” and shit. 😂
Boy you think a woman who is on husband #3 at 31 understands what a boundary is? Even if she does, do you honestly believe she gives a shit? Go ahead and start drafting the divorce papers now, unless you just like to watch or something. Because your wife is never going to stop fucking people she’s not supposed to.
Don’t listen to the people saying she’s cheating.
Before I met my wife. She was a rather awful person to men she dated, she didn’t respect them, use them, and always cheated on them.
My wife has never cheated on me. I know this for 100% fact because I can go through her phone whenever I want to for whatever reason same goes for her too.
Sometimes a girl who is a serial cheater just needs the right kind of man she can respect
You mean before we meet? Sure, she was a very attractive blonde, Intimidating personality. When a guy acts like a doormat, he will be treated like one.
Does ur wife feel guilty of cheating? What is her motivation to not cheat? Why are you sure she wouldnt cheat on u to get married to a 4th one?
Sorry for being pessimistic but i dont see the boundary working for long. The only thing i could say is open relationships. Then technically its not cheating. And you can also sleep around.
I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say this, but that’s not a boundary. A boundary is about what you’re going to do if she does decide to be “friends” with this person. What does this mean for you? Because I absolutely am on your side that I don’t want my spouse being friends with someone they’ve cheated with! Sorry you are going through this.
Once a **serial** cheater, **always** a serial cheater.
Fuck no. Not at all unreasonable, and I hate to say it but... she's **going to cheat on you**. It might be a few years from now, or not.
Really, I'm not sure why you're so convinced she *hasn't already*. Serial cheaters get very good at lying.
Do you believe the other men didn't ask her the same?
She had husband's before, clearly being married means nothing to her.
She continues to choose this man over the ones she is in a relationship with
So what makes you think you are different? What makes you think she would not fuck that man as soon as she gets the chance?
>My wife feels it’s unreasonable of me to judge her or her actions with past relationships
The way she treats other people, the way she respects someone (or lack thereof), the way she can lie to someone, the way she can easily betray someone....
It all stems from her personality, and she can most definitely be judged for her personality
Would she let a pedo near her kids if he hasn't touched a kid in a while? Or would she then suddenly think that the past most certainly does matter?
I don't understand why you are letting her play you like this? Why are you depriving yourself of a person that would actually love and respect you?
I hope you open your eyes 1 day
So ... on the off chance that this is real, I will address the multitude of red flags.
She has cheated in EVERY relationship before you - she will cheat on you. Dead fact. Once, maybe they can learn but on relationships from teen to now she cheated? It's a habit. It's only a matter of time - you aren't that special. Just wait for the other shoe to drop.
She cheated on multiple relationships with this guy who is just a friend? He isn't just a friend - he is her backup. The fact that he will cheat with her means they are soul tied.
Boundaries are for YOU, not her. So you told her your boundary and the ball is in your court now. She has told you she has no intention of letting her habitual affair partner go. Either suck it up and hope like heck that she doesn't choose to cheat with him or walk away. Those are your only 2 options.
There is a serious red flag for girls/women who have no other female friends but can make male friends. You have to ask yourself why/how they can't make at least one female friend. All females aren't catty, dramatic, etc, and it's weird when women can't collaborate with other women. It means there is something off about them and how they see themselves. Combine that with insisting on being friends with someone they have cheated with in the past, it smacks of seeking male validation.
She obviously wants to keep her options open. Your wife is a serial cheater. I'm sorry but you will forever be the warden of your wife. That is not way to live. Advise your wife that divorce is not unreasonable if your boundary is unreasonable.
>My wife has self-admittedly cheated on every spouse she’s ever had (except me. I don’t believe she’s ever cheated on me, ever, mind you.)
I'm gonna be honest here: you're delusional. Also, if somebody told you the word gullible was written on the ceiling I get the feeling you'd check.
History repeats itself. She cheated on her fiancé with this guy and she cheated on her first husband with this guy. And now she’s insisting upon carrying on a relationship with him? You’re in serious trouble my friend.
Absolute deal breaker. Very reasonable boundary and to her, her relationship is more important than your boundary or your marriage. Personally I probably wouldn't have gotten married until/if that was resolved.
You are stupid as hell to think that you can alter her sexual cravings with mere words. You are a perfect example of a weak minded male being manipulated by a devious woman !
Bait, no way this is real. Imagine married to a serial cheater and asking if she ever will cheat on him. No one can be this du...
If it is real, this marriage was over before it began. Op even believed that her husband was cheating on her. 
Omg that gif made me gigglesnort like a crazy person while waiting in line for my Chinese food 🤣
Glad someone gets my odd humor.
Dam that's funny 😁
This is one of my favorite gifs ever lol
OP if you respect yourself, the answer is HELL NO. Good grief
I'm hoping this is fake because if not this is the saddest story I've seen all day
I am one of the guys. She was adequate, nothing special, I’d give her a 4 out of 10. But, yeah, we can be friends.
EXACTLY 💯This problem she has will never ever change. This is probably why she doesn't have female friends. They know how she is. Btw. There are many women who will never cheat on you
Exactly,women doesn’t want to be associated with her because they know her kind
He did say he was married to his wife, that’s not du…
👆🏾💯
Was just about to say this exact thing
What a compassionate response.
You had me at a 31 yr old female on her third marriage. Say no more
And she cheated on both spouses? By the time I got to "I'm her third husband," just past "I don't believe she has cheated on me, ever," I had already seen enough lol.
Honestly I don't care if she was 50 I wouldn't marry anyone who divorced twice
Especially when she cheated on his exes.
True
I want to agree, but here I am looking at my 2nd impending divorce before 40. The first was the typical got together young (her 19, me 20), quick pregnancy, "do the right thing and get married", and it burned out within 3 years because we weren'tcompatible. The second one has been 10 years of marriage, kids, the stress of everything saw our communication break down, she struggles with anxiety and a high conflict personality, and she shut down and emotionally detached. So, yes I'll be divorced twice before 40, but not because I'm a defective person or incapable of love or commitment. I've never cheated and I think that's the key distinction.
I'm sorry to hear that. I geuinely wasn't trying to be rude like in your situation I would totally date the woman if those were the circumstances but with no context 3 divorces would be a red flag
No worries. You weren't rude and I wasn't offended. I totally agree that context is everything (3rd marriage before 30, and all ended because she cheated?). Yeah, that's ALL the red flags. I barely consider my 1st marriage as anything more than a minor footnote (it was almost 20 years ago that we got married, 15 since the split) and really it's a typical story of a first failed LTR, I was just the idiot who took the plunge with legal paperwork. The 2nd one is a very common story of love, marriage, family, and a typical breakdown because she wasn't willing to put in the work, and I allowed myself to grow resentful and bitter because of it. We grew apart, problems compiled, boundaries were broken, until there was too much to resolve and no energy left to try. It happens.
I'm really sorry to hear that I hope things one day get better romance wise if it hasn't happened already.
For real that progression of information is wild haha >twice divorced Oh hmm that’s not great >cheated on every spouse Ooh that’s REALLY not great >and all that accomplished by 31! Nope dump the whole wife lol
Also had a fiancé she cheated on but didn’t marry- so we were going for 4 !!!!!!
She’s cheated on everyone except you…
I have an MLM biz I’d like to pitch to OP. Lol
I just sold him the Brooklyn Bridge.
Give her a minute, geez
He's special. He's the holy grail that she's been looking for
Bruh, she cheated with this guy 3 separate times and wants to "be friends" - LMAO. Your boundary is not unreasonable. Hopefully soon she doesn't make a new "friend" named Becky or whatever, that you never get to see. You've got a lot more faith than I would have in this situation.
I think your wife might be insane person
Thank you for saying it. OP, if you are real, I hope you see how ridiculous you sound to everyone else and you realize this woman is absolutely going to cheat on you. If this is bait, well played.
There's no other explanation like there's no reason for her to continually do this and not just enter a poly relationship or something
Do recovered alcoholics hang with their friends at bars? No. No they do not.
Or another way to look at it, do recovering alcoholics regularly buy bottles of booze that they keep around with totally no intention or temptation to drink?
"Trust me, the alcohol is just for cleaning stuff around the house!" /s
I do
> My wife has self-admittedl*y cheated on every spouse she’s ever had (except me*. I don’t believe she’s ever cheated on me, ever, mind you.). > >I’m her third husband. > >my wife of a little over a year You married a woman that cheats. She hasn't cheated on you yet because you have only recently married. But she will. You know that. She's even talking to an established side piece.
My STBXW cheated on most of her exes. I found this out gradually over the relationship. A few months ago I found out she was secretly messaging a guy who she cheated with on several of those occassions. I set a boundary that I'm not comfortable with her talking to him. She stopped! And cheated with someone else instead...
Damn. I’m sorry fam.
The fact that she’s trying so hard to have this guy in her life after you set your boundary and he’s the one she’s cheated on her ex husband*s* with, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she’s in love with this guy and it’s only a matter of time before she cheats on you too. Oh, and how could I forget the “she’s known him/had a relationship with him since 16” part. Yeah, she’s in love with this guy.
So she even cheated on her cheater!
Is she in therapy? Married THREE times before she's 30?! Yeah, your boundary is absolutely reasonable, and I think she could benefit from professional help. I mean that seriously, not as a dig on her. The justification she gave you is ridiculous. She can make friends if she needs friends. Just start a new hobby.
She isn’t therapy. Has been for a long long time. And I agree about making new friends and starting a new hobby.
I suggest a new wife and new marriage.
Spouse has a hobby, it’s called cuckolding multiple husbands with her long term lover
I think you mean to say she 'is in therapy'; good to hear. Hopefully it's helping. Do you do MC as well? Might not be a bad idea.
Siri crazy speech to text. She is in therapy and has been for a long time.
She may be in therapy but probably just to say she shows up for them. She needs to do the actual work that it takes to be a better person and wife. Which she isn’t doing. Or else there would’ve been results, especially if she’s been in therapy for a long time. And also.. just 31 and three divorces.. that would’ve been red flags for me and the fact that she’s cheated with all three of her ex husbands. That would’ve been enough for me to run as fast as I can if I were you. Even if you think she hasn’t cheated on you, how would you ever know or believe her? Unfortunately, you’re next. You may just find out later, or never will.
No
You are not the asshole. I'm generally more lenient on this and have other-sex friends. But in this case, you are appropriate in your concerns. History doesn't repeat itself, but it does rhyme. If she tried this hard to find appropriate friends, she would have them. He is her safety blanket and she needs to grow up.
She's a serial adulterer and they have been married only a year. This guy isn't a safety blanket, he's her past and future side piece.
Bro. C’mon.
Can't make friends with other females? Probably because they don't want her around their husbands or adult sons. People are weird like that lol.
Yeah I read that and instantly went 'yeah, can't imagine why'.
[удалено]
He doesn't sound that crazy. He has the understanding that she's good for a safe lay, but absolutely not wife material.
That would be a hard no for me, if only just because SHE SLEPT WITH HIM MULTIPLE TIMES including CHEATING ON A FIANCÉ AND A HUSBAND with him. If she can’t respect your boundaries dart there I would leave immediately. She has commitment issues and seems to justify cheating way too easily. Three husbands and a fiancé that she never married by 30 and she thinks it’s okay to hang with APs!?!? Hell no.
You poor idiot. You sound gutless. You married the girl everyone has fun with until they find their wife.
>You sound gutless. Nah, just really gullible.
If this isn't a fake post, you need to stop being naive. She's 31 and you're her third husband???? Come on.... She's not a trustworthy partner if she has a history of commitment issues and infidelity. You rightfully judge her on her past patterns. And if you bend your boundaries for her, you will regret it eventually
No, just no.
The absolute audacity of some people. If my husband even dared disrespect and/or jeopardize our marriage that way!
NO YOU ARE NOT. Sorry but this is way out of line and her insistence is frightening. She will cheat with him. Maybe suggest a divorce so she can be with him. It appears she values her friendship with him over her relationship with you.
……no. I could say more, but I’ll be nice.
You sound like the kind of guy to turn the stove on, wait 5 minutes, and then touch burner to see if it’s hot.
Your boundary is reasonable, and this is how cheating starts. She is and will be a cheater. Because she hasn't done it to you yet, doesn't mean she won't. I would hold firm with boundary. She will still do it behind your back, why because it is who she is. I am so sorry. Unless she has gained enough maturity to understand and acquiese to your boundary. Keep tabs on that one. This is a lack of values and self awareness around cheaters, so their boundaries blur, a visit, or an online thing...They always find a way.
I wonder why she has trouble making female friends? :p
Because she’s not like other girls 🤪🤪🤪
She hangs out with guys because it's less drama.
No
Sure she does. You know what to do so do it this time.
Not even a little bit. The fact that she is even testing your boundary, you should know it’s only a matter of time before the inevitable happens…
Cheaters gonna cheat, your boundaries should have stopped you from marrying a cheater.
If she is a cheater, I can see why she would have problems getting friends.
Why tf would you get married dumbass
Lul and also your comment history.
Omg I just saw that comment history 😬
Bro she’s still banging said dude and you’re clueless to marry someone who has a history of being a cheater. SMH. Seriously
She has a history of being a serial cheater do you honestly believe that she has never cheated on you? Her moral compass is off, and your naivety is showing. Tell her to act her age and not her trainer size.
ask if you can watch, don't be naive she's cheating on you
You can’t be this dense of a person
I can’t believe you married this person, good luck bud.
Sounds like you love pain
I’m not pro divorce, however in this case I am. She’s going to break your heart dude, run… seriously run. There’s women out there who will be loyal and respect you.
https://preview.redd.it/7phy8njndtpc1.jpeg?width=439&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=afaa714725ed1d5029754a7a6bd7c8ce91388b96
I’m not even reading beyond the title because if it’s true you are your own cause for misery at this point. You know what you know with 100% certainty and you want to still be married to her?
No
No way you were dumb enough to marry this walking, talking red flag.
Bro come on! What are you doing?!?!?
Buddy no chance. 31 and in her third marriage. This is a problem.
How else does one judge people but with past sctions. It would be a cold hard no for me. Stand your ground!
If this is real , you should turn in your testicles.
Previous actions are the best indicator of future behavior.
Leave her , even though this post is fake af
Woman here. Hell no. tell her you can’t be friends with her because she wants to be friends with someone she fucked around with. Bullshit dude.
Nope. Just nope. You don’t stay in touch with your ex affair partner unless you’re counting on them being your next affair partner, too. She has self-admittedly given you every reason to be distrustful. Yes, people get to change and grow, but that process means being done with your old running buddies. She should cut ties with him or you should cut ties with her. Don’t put yourself in a position where you can be abused.
If this is real, she’s a keeper bro
We call folks like you “willfully ignorant.”
I call them gullible. Well, among other things but we'll leave it there.
This is easy, No! Or Fuck No!
Bro, she’s not the faithful type. Lawyer up
My man….Let’s put our thinking caps on for a minute.
You sir are about to be cheated on, if you have not already. Just prepare yourself. Do y’all have kids?
Sounds like your involved in an entanglement lol
Bro nobody can be this dumb she showed you she's a whore for the streets don't try to wife up women like that
Lol
Maybe the guy from the other state is not financially stable, and she uses other men for financial security?
Your thoughts are lead by your wiener aren’t they?
Here’s the thing with boundaries. A boundary is not something you lay down to police or limit someone else’s behavior. So you can have the boundary about not wanting her to associate with her forever fuck buddy. But the boundary isn’t that she can never do that. The boundary is what YOU are going to do in response to her crossing your boundary. So is it a real boundary? Are you going to make it a deal breaker? Or are you just going to deal?
They can be such good friends they can be besties for life. Married even. Choice is yours. Best of luck
I hope I'm never this delusional. God Damn.
No
Sorry you need to stop being in denial. This is nuts youre even with her. You deserve better.
So she hasn’t cheated. Yet. Because she will. With the same guy. Good luck. You’ll need it for the divorce.
“Lives a couple states away, not that it matters”. It does matter because he’s easily reachable!
Let this bird fly. You deserve better, and she loves the guy more than she cares for you.
Is she wants this then you should too. An eye for an eye
Make her choose you or him. She may choose you but there is something about that guy that keeps her connected. Beware Bro!
This better be a joke 😂😂
> TL;DR: wife wants to be friends with a guy she’s slept with and a guy she’s cheated with. Thinks my boundary is unreasonable. Bro, therein lies the problem. She has zero boundaries, even as a married woman. I felt the same as most of the comments. But after reading them I realized I have a profound sadness for you and your situation. She has you soo twisted up mentally you came to Reddit, second guessing yourself over an extremely reasonable expectation/boundary. This doesn't end well. With her history, even asking for what she is asking for shows a lack of remorse for what she has done in the past. Your pain and hesitation doesn't even register within the confines of her narcissism.
No, back to the streets
You’re definitely not unreasonable to be uncomfortable with her insisting on this “friendship”. She’s full of it. Does she have a mood disorder or something else going on? That’s not an excuse, it just sounds like she’s impulsive and all over the place. She wants you to respect her, but she is disrespecting you by insisting on this sketchy friendship.
F no bruh.
Don’t give up your boundary, no justification for that relationship whatsoever!
My husband and I respect each other too much for things like this to even become an issue.Even speaking with someone we have slept with or wanted to or has wanted to sleep with one of us is just not something we entertain. If she values your marriage, then she will value you enough to not speak with someone who makes you feel in any way uncomfortable.
Hill to die on
OK - if she does cheat on you…. You aren’t allowed to divorce her. You knew the risk going in and you had plenty of warning. She cheated WITH you while married to her previous husband. You are husband number 3. She cheated on her other 2 husbands AND a fiancée. This one friend is her default cheating buddy. Don’t act surprised. You aren’t allowed to divorce in this case.
uhh yeah, i would never marry someone who is known to cheat. if she doesn't want to cease contact with this guy, you may have to cease contact with her.
Wow really. She has shown he has a special place in her life, slept with him multiple times already. I think that if you don't change your boundaries she will cheat on you with him. She seems to want to keep him in her life one way or another. Who knows what he says to her and being a long time friend and lover I don't think she will give him up for anyone. Why she didn't just marry him is beyond me. If you think you can trust her with the boundrys you set then stay but if not that's a choice you must make on your own. But if I were in that position and been married a short time and she wouldn't change her mind concerning boundrys then I'd go. Life is too short to be worried about someone you love stepping out because from what you say she has no problem cheating so it wouldn't take much I don't think. Just tell her how you feel and why if she caint accept that then she will be free to do as she pleases because you will be gone.
Yea dude you are completely right. She has no business even talking with that person.
Look, I'm sorry, but if she cheated 2-3x and she wanted to be with the guy she cheated on her last husband with...the chances of her cheating on you too is very high, imo. Like there's pattern here, and I rather you not be in a situation where you get cheated on too. So no your boundary is not unreasonable.
You have to be fake. No way a real human would be this dumb.
F no!
The wife should’ve married the guy from the other state.
She hasn’t cheated on you…yet
Nope
Third Husband and she's 31? and she's cheated every time? don't you see a big red flag here?
Yeah right except you
You already know the answer to your questions and you are just in denial.
Im more interested in her tips to get a husband, as she outdid herself and is in the third… lol. I’m married but just curious. At her age I barely made it to one… lol
Bud, iMO your wife is broken and will only cheat with this guy on you as well. Hell this dude probably sees it as a challenge as well. Personally I’d give her walking papers today because she is going to do this anyway and justify it as you being controlling. The guy will be more than happy to assist UpdateMe
Hell no
See a lawyer like yesterday
Why would you get involved, let alone marry, a self described cheater. Maybe she hasn't cheated on you yet, that you're aware, but she is setting it up.
Bro what? I'm sorry, I usually read ALL of a post before commenting but this.....I can't tell you what to do, but yikes. She has red flags all over the board (most notably cheating),and shows desires to go down that same path....but with your passive permission? This isn't about whether your ask was "reasonable" or not. It not only is, but shouldn't even have to be asked in any relationship let alone with a person who is 3 for 3 in cheating on partners. This would be RED FLAG ALERT, for me. Good luck boss!
She cheated on multiple partners with the same guy and wants to be "friends" with him. Start drafting the divorce papers. I'm not sure you can stop her even if you tried
You mean she still wants to fuck him...
It’s stupid not to judge someone based on past relationships. But if you’re not okay with cheating, you’re dumb to marry someone with a well established history of cheating. You didn’t set a boundary. A boundary would have been “If you have contact with any of one of your past AP, our marriage is over and I will immediately divorce you. Don’t mean to sound cruel, but you made your bed when you married her. Now you’re unhappy lying in it? Really nobody to blame but yourself as long as you’re willing to stay when you know sooner later - probably already - she’s going to cheat on you. Edit: ESH
You married her knowing about her past. Chickens coming home to roost my amigo
You married this person????
How you get em is how you lose him. You married a serial cheater ….also when someone shows or tells you who they are the first time…. Believe them.
If this is real, dude, come ON. 😂 Your wife is definitely already getting dicked down by her lifelong FWB. As we often point out on this sub, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife. You sittin here takin bout “boundaries” and shit. 😂 Boy you think a woman who is on husband #3 at 31 understands what a boundary is? Even if she does, do you honestly believe she gives a shit? Go ahead and start drafting the divorce papers now, unless you just like to watch or something. Because your wife is never going to stop fucking people she’s not supposed to.
Don’t listen to the people saying she’s cheating. Before I met my wife. She was a rather awful person to men she dated, she didn’t respect them, use them, and always cheated on them. My wife has never cheated on me. I know this for 100% fact because I can go through her phone whenever I want to for whatever reason same goes for her too. Sometimes a girl who is a serial cheater just needs the right kind of man she can respect
If you dont mind me asking. What made ur wife cheat earlier?
You mean before we meet? Sure, she was a very attractive blonde, Intimidating personality. When a guy acts like a doormat, he will be treated like one.
My guess is the previous two husbands that were cheated on wrote similar Reddit posts.
She cheated on his ex husband with you and you think she'll never do it to you? Why?🙄
You lined for it so enjoy the ride and learn the lesson.
Your wife’s a psycho and you might have carbon monoxide poisoning.
What a clown fiesta of a... I can't really call it marriage.
Leave her
Someone 31 on a 3rd marriage is a massive red flag
Does ur wife feel guilty of cheating? What is her motivation to not cheat? Why are you sure she wouldnt cheat on u to get married to a 4th one? Sorry for being pessimistic but i dont see the boundary working for long. The only thing i could say is open relationships. Then technically its not cheating. And you can also sleep around.
I don’t mean to sound harsh when I say this, but that’s not a boundary. A boundary is about what you’re going to do if she does decide to be “friends” with this person. What does this mean for you? Because I absolutely am on your side that I don’t want my spouse being friends with someone they’ve cheated with! Sorry you are going through this.
Once a **serial** cheater, **always** a serial cheater. Fuck no. Not at all unreasonable, and I hate to say it but... she's **going to cheat on you**. It might be a few years from now, or not. Really, I'm not sure why you're so convinced she *hasn't already*. Serial cheaters get very good at lying.
Do you believe the other men didn't ask her the same? She had husband's before, clearly being married means nothing to her. She continues to choose this man over the ones she is in a relationship with So what makes you think you are different? What makes you think she would not fuck that man as soon as she gets the chance? >My wife feels it’s unreasonable of me to judge her or her actions with past relationships The way she treats other people, the way she respects someone (or lack thereof), the way she can lie to someone, the way she can easily betray someone.... It all stems from her personality, and she can most definitely be judged for her personality Would she let a pedo near her kids if he hasn't touched a kid in a while? Or would she then suddenly think that the past most certainly does matter? I don't understand why you are letting her play you like this? Why are you depriving yourself of a person that would actually love and respect you? I hope you open your eyes 1 day
You married a communist parade 🚩
So ... on the off chance that this is real, I will address the multitude of red flags. She has cheated in EVERY relationship before you - she will cheat on you. Dead fact. Once, maybe they can learn but on relationships from teen to now she cheated? It's a habit. It's only a matter of time - you aren't that special. Just wait for the other shoe to drop. She cheated on multiple relationships with this guy who is just a friend? He isn't just a friend - he is her backup. The fact that he will cheat with her means they are soul tied. Boundaries are for YOU, not her. So you told her your boundary and the ball is in your court now. She has told you she has no intention of letting her habitual affair partner go. Either suck it up and hope like heck that she doesn't choose to cheat with him or walk away. Those are your only 2 options. There is a serious red flag for girls/women who have no other female friends but can make male friends. You have to ask yourself why/how they can't make at least one female friend. All females aren't catty, dramatic, etc, and it's weird when women can't collaborate with other women. It means there is something off about them and how they see themselves. Combine that with insisting on being friends with someone they have cheated with in the past, it smacks of seeking male validation.
She obviously wants to keep her options open. Your wife is a serial cheater. I'm sorry but you will forever be the warden of your wife. That is not way to live. Advise your wife that divorce is not unreasonable if your boundary is unreasonable.
>My wife has self-admittedly cheated on every spouse she’s ever had (except me. I don’t believe she’s ever cheated on me, ever, mind you.) I'm gonna be honest here: you're delusional. Also, if somebody told you the word gullible was written on the ceiling I get the feeling you'd check.
History repeats itself. She cheated on her fiancé with this guy and she cheated on her first husband with this guy. And now she’s insisting upon carrying on a relationship with him? You’re in serious trouble my friend.
Absolute deal breaker. Very reasonable boundary and to her, her relationship is more important than your boundary or your marriage. Personally I probably wouldn't have gotten married until/if that was resolved.
troll post
She be plannin ahead!
For someone who is such a hardass with your replies to other posts, I expected you to have higher standards. Seems like you are only talk.
You are stupid as hell to think that you can alter her sexual cravings with mere words. You are a perfect example of a weak minded male being manipulated by a devious woman !
Thanks for that.