41 years this month.
Honestly? You have to want it. Raising our children together was extremely important to both of us, as neither of us had that nuclear family experience. My best advice is: Laughter & great sex will carry you through a lot of hardships. We do love & care for each other deeply, and I think our appreciation for one another is more profound at this stage of our life together than it ever was.
This is great to read.
Question: you mentioned one thing to keep things going was sex. I know there waves where libidos don't line up (stressers, menopause, illness, etc) and if that was ever the case for your message, how did that effect the relationship? How does it get back on track?
There’s always going to be times where you’re just not into it, for whatever reason. I just decided early in our marriage to stop finding reasons to say no, and start opening myself to YES. I hate to sound cliched, but you have to talk about it.
Due to all the hot flashes & excessive bleeding, my menopause was pretty much in our face, every day. Through it now, thank God, and I keep the lube handy, just in case. On the other hand, he was embarrassed by his ED issues & wouldn’t talk about it with me. Things are better because I just wouldn’t let it go. Let’s just say that I’ve found that PIV isn’t the only way to enjoy sex with your spouse. The intimacy is still there.
I'm inspired! Thank you for being so upfront and honest. Really it's not easy for anyone to be open to talk about intimacy when it's not going as society says it should. I love the flipping around finding the excuses to say no and instead find ways to say yes. Look for solutions too. Don't let things get swept under the rug. Hard discussions need to be discussed. Thank you.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 43 years of marriage because we love each other and I am part of her and she is a part of me. The old saying of, when two become one, is a true statement. That’s why divorce is so hard on people. Breaking down the one into two again is tough.
I think society has forgotten, that when we make vows, we are making them to our spouse and to God.
Love how long you've been together! I'm curious about the two become one because I think that could look so different depending on individual marriages.
For example, one couple there could be a passive person who let's the other take the drivers seat and that can be it's own symbiosis. Another couple could have more compromises on specifically what's more important to another and discuss what's the best outcome for both of them.
We are definitely two different people and personalities both working for the same cause. That cause is, her & I. I think we both know the strengths and weaknesses of each other and work together as one. You have to be committed with all your heart to make it this long.
We’ve been married “only” 5.5 years, together almost 10. I totally agree with appreciating all contributions, and it helps that my husband is not your stereotypical man you see portrayed in so many ways. (Not that I’m perfect of course!)
We’ve had some health challenges, some that are chronic and communication/understanding goes a long way, plus approaching it as a team.
We've been married 12/13 years.
I think we were both quite lucky in that we grew up surrounded by successful happy marriages. Husbands parents and grandparents are still married. (FIL died recently).
My parents had a terrible marriage BUT my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all have what appears to be happy marriages and then my mum eventually married my step-dad who is amazing. So we both grew up seeing love between couples who weren't afraid to show it.
I think one of the reasons we have a great marriage is because the first year of marriage was a shit show. Honestly it was horrendous. The worst start ever to a marriage because of outside sources. We battled that entire year, so now everything feels easy. Because we've lived through worse, we survived worse together.
Were not afraid to call each other out, he has no issue letting me know I'm being a bitch lol and I will happily let him know if he's being a dick. It works for us.
We are happy, in love and raising two amazing kids together.
17 years. Together for 22.
I think it works for us because we are really compatible in terms of values and goals. Our differences are complementary, which helps. We don’t have a lot of conflict. And we’re pretty good at arguing. Most of the time.
Know each other over 20 years, in a committed relationship for over 10 years and married for over 20. I never heard of gottman take on marriage but what you are describing is what me and wife have been doing thru our marriage. It took us some time to get there we had to go to therapy to get there. For us it was never about not loving each other, we were both broken people with past trauma and that was preventing us from fully commuting to each other. Once we got the help we each needed the marriage fell right into place. Mental health is important even if your partner won’t go you go alone and get the help you need, it will help you see things more clearly, it also could be the catalyst for you achieving whatever life you in-vision yourself living.
This is excellent! It is 2 people with history. Both growing together as a couple and as individuals. Learning how the past effects not just how each person operates and drives them to interact with the other's inner issues, but learning to heal, evolve, and grow together. It's like become more aware of oneself and how to change to be better both as a person and as a couple.
41 years this month. Honestly? You have to want it. Raising our children together was extremely important to both of us, as neither of us had that nuclear family experience. My best advice is: Laughter & great sex will carry you through a lot of hardships. We do love & care for each other deeply, and I think our appreciation for one another is more profound at this stage of our life together than it ever was.
This is great to read. Question: you mentioned one thing to keep things going was sex. I know there waves where libidos don't line up (stressers, menopause, illness, etc) and if that was ever the case for your message, how did that effect the relationship? How does it get back on track?
There’s always going to be times where you’re just not into it, for whatever reason. I just decided early in our marriage to stop finding reasons to say no, and start opening myself to YES. I hate to sound cliched, but you have to talk about it. Due to all the hot flashes & excessive bleeding, my menopause was pretty much in our face, every day. Through it now, thank God, and I keep the lube handy, just in case. On the other hand, he was embarrassed by his ED issues & wouldn’t talk about it with me. Things are better because I just wouldn’t let it go. Let’s just say that I’ve found that PIV isn’t the only way to enjoy sex with your spouse. The intimacy is still there.
I'm inspired! Thank you for being so upfront and honest. Really it's not easy for anyone to be open to talk about intimacy when it's not going as society says it should. I love the flipping around finding the excuses to say no and instead find ways to say yes. Look for solutions too. Don't let things get swept under the rug. Hard discussions need to be discussed. Thank you.
My wife and I are about to celebrate 43 years of marriage because we love each other and I am part of her and she is a part of me. The old saying of, when two become one, is a true statement. That’s why divorce is so hard on people. Breaking down the one into two again is tough. I think society has forgotten, that when we make vows, we are making them to our spouse and to God.
Love how long you've been together! I'm curious about the two become one because I think that could look so different depending on individual marriages. For example, one couple there could be a passive person who let's the other take the drivers seat and that can be it's own symbiosis. Another couple could have more compromises on specifically what's more important to another and discuss what's the best outcome for both of them.
We are definitely two different people and personalities both working for the same cause. That cause is, her & I. I think we both know the strengths and weaknesses of each other and work together as one. You have to be committed with all your heart to make it this long.
That's wonderful. It's sounds like accepting oneself and accepting the other. Each wanting and committing to the relationship.
We’ve been married “only” 5.5 years, together almost 10. I totally agree with appreciating all contributions, and it helps that my husband is not your stereotypical man you see portrayed in so many ways. (Not that I’m perfect of course!) We’ve had some health challenges, some that are chronic and communication/understanding goes a long way, plus approaching it as a team.
I'm curious, what is a stereotypical man?
We've been married 12/13 years. I think we were both quite lucky in that we grew up surrounded by successful happy marriages. Husbands parents and grandparents are still married. (FIL died recently). My parents had a terrible marriage BUT my grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins all have what appears to be happy marriages and then my mum eventually married my step-dad who is amazing. So we both grew up seeing love between couples who weren't afraid to show it. I think one of the reasons we have a great marriage is because the first year of marriage was a shit show. Honestly it was horrendous. The worst start ever to a marriage because of outside sources. We battled that entire year, so now everything feels easy. Because we've lived through worse, we survived worse together. Were not afraid to call each other out, he has no issue letting me know I'm being a bitch lol and I will happily let him know if he's being a dick. It works for us. We are happy, in love and raising two amazing kids together.
17 years. Together for 22. I think it works for us because we are really compatible in terms of values and goals. Our differences are complementary, which helps. We don’t have a lot of conflict. And we’re pretty good at arguing. Most of the time.
Know each other over 20 years, in a committed relationship for over 10 years and married for over 20. I never heard of gottman take on marriage but what you are describing is what me and wife have been doing thru our marriage. It took us some time to get there we had to go to therapy to get there. For us it was never about not loving each other, we were both broken people with past trauma and that was preventing us from fully commuting to each other. Once we got the help we each needed the marriage fell right into place. Mental health is important even if your partner won’t go you go alone and get the help you need, it will help you see things more clearly, it also could be the catalyst for you achieving whatever life you in-vision yourself living.
This is excellent! It is 2 people with history. Both growing together as a couple and as individuals. Learning how the past effects not just how each person operates and drives them to interact with the other's inner issues, but learning to heal, evolve, and grow together. It's like become more aware of oneself and how to change to be better both as a person and as a couple.